


Home

by Out_of_Lullabies



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bickering, Comedy, Dramedy, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Frenemies, Geniuses, Growing up at Wammy's House, Jealousy, Kira - Freeform, Misunderstandings, Orphans, PTSD, Prodigies, Rivalry, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Sense of Family, Slow Burn, Telepathy, Unrequited Love, budding friendship, world’s greatest detective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-02-29 23:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 56
Words: 214,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18788761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Out_of_Lullabies/pseuds/Out_of_Lullabies
Summary: Grace has grown up in Wammy's House always in the shadow of L. When L returns back home after his latest case, he makes it his mission to get to know her better, despite it being the last thing she wants. Set a few months before the Kira case. LxOC (Originally posted in 2009-2011 on ff.net, Re-posted and edited!)





	1. The Return

Chapter 1: The Return  
________________________________________  
I do not own Death Note or any of the characters created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I'm just a huge fan.

* * *

  
**Home**

  
"He's here! The car's just pulled up the drive!"

  
"Ooh, let me see! It's been ages since he's been back!"

  
I stalked down the cavernous hallway as the younger ones ran ahead of me whooping and hollering and scrambling to peer out of the tall windows on the left hand side. "Jinya! Beto! Quit running! I won't tell you again!" I scolded in English, since it usually made everyone perk up and listen. Especially those who still didn't have its full grasp. They had to listen extra hard.

  
"Do you think he's brought back presents again?" A gleeful voice peeped from my side, our youngest child, Ella.

  
I shrugged. "Probably just candy, like you lot don't have enough of that." My foot tripped over a toy robot left carelessly in the hallway and I staggered to regain my balance. "Near! Get your robots, spacemen and aliens out of the hallway this instant! I almost broke my neck!"

  
"Yeah, Near, pick up your space rubbish!" A voice sneered from one of the bedrooms, and a second later I heard a "whoomf" as Matt got walloped by likely another plastic robot. Near seemed to have an arsenal of them.

  
I shut my eyes for a second and took a deep breath in an attempt to meditate in the midst of chaos. I wasn't a nanny, governess or anything of the sort. I was just unfortunately, one of the oldest residents of Wammy's House and therefore a full-time guardian to the brood that occupied its walls. None of the kids here were typical, each had amazing gifts that had been detectable when they had been plucked out of orphanages and foster homes around the world when they were barely out of diapers, but all of them knew how to act like normal kids when they were excited. The "hero" coming home was one such occasion.

  
My eyes opened to see another one of the older ones, Fritz, striding down the hall dressed like the Red Baron in aviator glasses, a thick scarf and riding boots. Not again. I stepped in his way and gave him a stern look. "And just where are you off to?"

  
Fritz turned sheepish as he grinned down at me, trying to win me over with his Teutonic charm. "Oh Grace, just one quick flight. I've got to test the wind resistance on the new wings! I'll be back before you know it!"

  
Fritz had matured into quite the handsome chap, but I wasn't swayed. I gestured toward the windows where heavy rain pelted the glass. "If you think I'm going to let you up in the air in these conditions, again, after what happened last time, you're simply mad!"

  
Fritz sighed and pushed the goggles up onto his forehead. "No one was harmed, G. I don't see why everyone makes such a fuss still about it!"

  
Yes, perhaps Fritz had had the gods on his side when he plummeted into the stable's hayloft in a crash landing months back, but that didn't make it okay that he had nearly burnt it down and almost gave Clark, the stable master, apoplexy, after he had to rescue him.

  
"Clark's eyebrows haven't even grown back yet, and you still don't see why everyone is concerned." I threw my hands up in exasperation. "How many ways do I have to say it? No! Non! Nein! You're lucky Wammy allows you to fly when it's sunny!"

  
Clark had complained to our founder more than once after the "Fritz on Fire" incident that we, the residents of the house, shouldn't be allowed to indulge in any whim we desired, especially since such whims were usually dangerous. Fritz was more an amazing flight engineer than a reckless daredevil most of the time so Wammy had allowed him to keep building his odd plane experiments and turned a blind eye when they subsequently failed. He always encouraged every one of us to keep trying at something if it really caught our fancy, despite any risks involved. He was in charge of a home for gifted children after all, the good man was probably just thankful we weren't always bored.

Fritz kept a defiant glare on me down from his towering height then sighed, defeated. "You are no fun, Grace."

I shrugged, and pushed past him. "I learned that long ago."

As two of the younger kids skipped past me towards the main stairway, I ducked into the grand library at the end of the corridor and shut the heavy oak door behind me. I exhaled and reveled in the perfect silence. It was rare in a house as crowded as ours to have alone time during the day so I didn't take it lightly.

I crossed over to the window seat that looked out onto the front drive and sat to watch the spectacle. A sleek Rolls Royce was parked by the main entrance and most of the residents of the house were milling around it despite the torrential downpour like they were waiting for a glimpse of a pop star. A cheer went up as the driver opened the back door, and I turned away, drawing my knees up to my chest. _It must be wonderful to come back to such acclaim as he does. It must be wonderful to get to leave this place at all._

  
I fixed my gaze on the bookshelves across the room and blinked hard several times. Fritz was right, I was no fun to be around. I didn't tinker with planes or paint masterpieces, I just solved problems. Whether it was mediating an argument between two hot tempered Einsteins or helping Scotland Yard solve a case, it all came naturally easy. Since I was a toddler, puzzles were painfully simple, and figuring out how a story ended after the first plot twist was commonplace. Take it from me, reading fairy tales as a child isn't much of an adventure when you know the moral of the story before anything interesting happens.

  
I loved using my gift to help others, that wasn't the problem. It warmed my heart to hear that a family finally knew who had murdered their loved one after twenty years because I had discovered the killer. The kids did come to me for advice when they had a dilemma and I felt appreciated time and time again. However, watching him always come home to a bloody party made me more frustrated than I cared to express.

  
The detective L. He certainly had made his worldly rounds in the past ten years, an enigmatic shadowy figure who solved criminal cases as if they were child’s play. No one knew his true identity. Well no one outside of Wammy’s for that matter. Unfortunately I of course knew. I had no choice but to know.

  
The tall door to the library creaked open and I felt the usual pang in the pit of my stomach at the sudden loss of my privacy. But such peaceful times were fleeting and I had learned that long ago with so many other orphan wunderkinds in residence.

  
"G?"

  
I turned, and noticed Mihael peek his blonde head in the doorway. I smiled to myself. Mello, as he liked to be called, was one of my favorite kids. He was younger than me and a little wild, but at least he had a heart. There was no doubt that he cared about people, and that was a blessing around the other people who liked to pretend everyone else didn't exist.

  
"Come in!" I raised my voice and slid down from the window seat.

Needing no further invitation, he burst all the way into the spacious room out of breath and grinning. "Right, you'll never guess whose back!"

I always thought it was funny that people would say "you'll never guess" when they started a sentence, especially at Wammy's House. It was highly unlikely that anyone you'd ask would be wrong with her first deduction. "I don't need to. Unless you've been under a rock all day, you'd have to see that the place resorted to mob rule as soon as the car was sighted. The hero is back, then?"

Mello's smile fell for a second, and then it developed into a smirk. "Don't tell me you still have it down on him from the last time he was here, Grace. You can't still be holding _that_ grudge."

  
I leveled him with one look. "Well isn't this a case of the pot calling the kettle black. How many months has it been since Near got the better mark on his physics exam? And when have you stopped complaining about it?"

  
Mello turned sheepish, and stuck his hands in his jean pockets. "Well, this is different. You are still angry at him but no one knows why. What did he do anyway; swipe the last piece of cake or somethin'?"

  
I shut my eyes and tried to keep the memory at bay. No such luck. Wammy's office. Six months ago. I sat on the edge of my seat by his immense desk, almost bubbling over with eagerness for the new assignment. This one was special. He had asked the two of us to attend the meeting. Not one or the other, but both. _He_ stood a few feet away, slouched over, hands jammed into his pockets, waiting for Wammy to begin. Quite patiently, I might add. It always seemed like Wammy was the only person he ever respected and everyone knew it.

 

_"I've brought you two here together" Wammy began, shuffling the papers on his desk. "Because the pair of you are the brightest students to ever grace our humble institution."_

_I felt a little color rush up into my cheeks, but I contained it and smiled gratefully back at him. "Thank you, sir." My fellow housemate still just stared ahead waiting for the niceties to be finished with. Just the facts, like always._

_"That being said," he continued. "This new case, the New York kidnapping ring. Its depth and span are unknown. It would be an extreme challenge for one person alone to handle, so I would like the two of you to partner up for this one. Just this once."_

_I was flattered, needless to say. I had known the twenty-three year old by my side for most of my life. No one had known in the early years what he'd become. His social behaviors were more than odd but his intelligence and reasoning were unparalleled. There was no question that he was emerging as the world's greatest detective, and the fact that Wammy wanted me to work alongside him was an honor. It also said something notable about my own abilities._

_I didn't know what to say. "Well, sir, I have no problems with that arrangement." I gave my new partner a small smile. He didn't return it._

_Wammy was pleased. "Jolly good. Now, I have prepared a folder with all of the documentation the FBI has disclosed on this case. Please read its contents by this evening when we can meet to discuss it."_

_I reached for my folder just as the familiar, unaffected voice by my side spoke up. "Watari, you haven't waited for my opinion on this **partnership**."_

_I froze in mid reach and Wammy looked a bit ruffled. "My apologies, L. What is your opinion?"_

  
_He refused to turn and look at my gaping stare as he responded. "Despite what you claim about the extreme difficulty of the work, I wish to handle this case alone. There is no need for G to get involved. There are plenty of cases here she can tackle. Scotland Yard always needs her. She hasn't had enough experience on the global scale."_

_Furiously, I glared at him. Why had I opened my mouth so fast and said I was glad to work with him? He was a pompous, chauvinistic git who thought he was too good to work with me. I could see it as clear as day. "Well, my opinion matters as much as yours and I feel I am quite capable to work on a kidnapping ring in the states. I stopped that terrorist bombing in Liverpool after all!"_

  
_He scoffed and inspected his bitten nails. "It was one explosive device and the terrorist wanted to be caught. Nothing was ever to be destroyed, he was sending a message. I wouldn't still call him a terrorist after that. He didn't produce terror, more just a headache."_

  
_I turned for back up from Wammy, my father figure for twenty years, but he just nodded as if L was infallible. "If you believe you can take it all on by yourself, L. I have no argument. Grace is new to the criminal cases outside of the United Kingdom after all. Perhaps she does need more time."_

  
_I was fuming and I wasn't even trying to restrain it. "How sir, may I ask, am I supposed to ever gain experience in the world if I'm never let out into it?"_

  
_His eyes were kind but apologetic. "Grace, I am eager for you to expand your horizons, you will truly be a terrific detective consultant. But L is right in saying you lack experience. You are so young after all. The burden may be too large for someone who has only just passed her twenty-first birthday."_

_To inflame my anger even more, L nodded in agreement and then looked askance into my blazing eyes. "No offense."_

_Physical violence was never my forte but I really wished I could strike him then, with some force behind my punch. "You don't care if you offend me." I answered with venom._ _"You don't care about anyone but yourself."_

_I could have sworn for a second that something flickered in his dark eyes, but I dismissed it as impossible. L wasn't capable of feelings._

_Wammy hated fights between his "children" and made an attempt to placate me. "Gracie, L is not recommending you not become involved with this case because he doesn't care about you. He just knows you are young, that is all."_

_Wammy should have known nothing would've calmed me down then, but being his well-meaning self, that didn't stop him from trying. "I'm sorry, but he went out on his first case with Interpol when he was fifteen. Why is that not too young and twenty-one is?"_

_Wammy closed his mouth and dropped his eyes. L turned slowly to face me, with the same uninterested expression he always wore. "It might be dangerous." He spoke, placing emphasis the end of his sentence. I laughed in his face._

_"Don't patronize me. I can handle danger. I don't need to stay hidden away from all the baddies like you do."_

  
_An emotion definitely crossed his eyes then. Anger. Then he controlled himself and pushed his wild black hair out of his face. "That is a necessary precaution. I don't need to end up dead. Who would the world turn to then?"_

  
_"Your ego is getting out of hand. Do you think you're the only one the world turns to when there's a problem? The countries turn to their leaders, their investigation agencies, even their Gods before they ask you for anything! You're just one person, why wouldn't you want help? Do you really want to handle everything by yourself?!"_

  
_He leaned into my face, irritated. "That's the only way I'll know that everything is done right!"_

  
_"Children! Please!" Wammy cried out, as he hurried out from behind the desk and stepped between us. He didn't wilt under the glares the two of us were throwing at each other, and for that, I have to give him credit. "I won't have this shouting under my roof. L, why don't you step out for a moment? I'd like a word with Grace."_

  
_L kept his cross look on me for a moment more, then withdrew. "Yes, I'll do that. I have some matters to attend to anyway." He shuffled out of the room, and I watched him go, seething._

  
_The door shut behind him, and Wammy reached for my hand, which he took in both of his rough ones and held me under his pleading look. "Now, my dear, I'm sorry you can't be involved in this mission. It was my greatest hope to have the pair of you working as a team, but L did see the flaws in my plan."_

  
_"You just follow his every word, that's all," I answered bitterly, trying to stop myself from shaking. "No one is more important here than the almighty L. It probably stands for Lord for bloody sake."_

  
_Wammy looked troubled and I felt guilty. "Grace, that is unfair. I can't see why the two of you can't get on with each other."_

_I could see. He was a jerk, a selfish know-all who acted like a child and therefore could have everybody in the house on his side at all times, if he wanted. I couldn't even count the many nights I had to fish a lollipop out of Ella's hand before bed, only to hear "But L gave it to me" or "But L does it!" He was carefree, I was practical. He was allowed to see the world while I stayed confined in this manor house in Winchester. The only similar thing about us was that we possessed the same gift that landed us here in the first place._

_"It doesn't matter." I sniffed, slipping my hand from his. "I don't ever want to work with him, and I don't want to know him either!"_

_Wammy sighed tiredly, and turned to cast his gaze upon the picture that hung above his desk. The first class at Wammy's house, the year after its foundation. There were the five children I'd grown up with arranged in front of the staircase by the entrance. Anne, my closest friend and gifted artist, Fritz, barely able to stand upright but cheekily grinning all the same, Winston, poor Winston who had died of brain hemorrhage at ten smiling kindly, L staring blankly at the photographer, already mastering his vacant expression at the age of five, and a three-year old me, in a black dress and Mary-Janes, with my socks puddled around my ankles looking about to burst into tears. I knew what Wammy meant to say, that the five of us were family. I loved Anne as a sister, felt like Fritz was the charming brother who drove me mad and still cried over the loss of Win, but I had stopped caring about L long ago, when it was obvious he didn't care about me. Wammy softly began to speak._

  
_"I've had such high hopes for all of my children, and you have all excelled in ways that I didn't dare to imagine. But, Grace, the last thing I want is for you to abandon the ones you can't understand. L is brilliant, and I know that is all everyone else sees, but he is so much more than just his intelligence. You know that you are more than just your abilities, you are compassionate, gentle, and accepting, and I am so proud of what you have become. But you have also just avowed that you don't want to know him and that breaks my heart._

  
_He is concerned about the danger of the mission. He is not wrong when he reminds me of that. It causes me to reconsider sending you out in the world yet, even under his wing. Do you know why he plunges himself headfirst into these missions without a consideration of his safety?"_

_I was subdued, but it didn't stop me from muttering, "Because he's a glory-hog?"_

_"No, child. Because he knows if something were to happen to him, he wouldn't be leaving any one behind. If something should happen to you, Grace, how would the children get on? They all love you and need you. Ask yourself, do you believe that L thinks that he is needed?"_

_He silenced me, and I stared back at him with no answer. How could someone not think he was needed? Especially someone as valuable to the world as L? "I-I'll have to think on that." I whispered, passing to the door. "Good night, sir."_

_Wammy nodded affectionately. "Good evening, Grace." As I turned the doorknob, I saw him direct his eyes back on the old photograph of all of us. I knew he was deeply saddened by the rift between two of his children, but there was really nothing I could do on my own._

_I opened the door and jumped back with a hiss when I encountered L crouching on the floor, holding a document from the FBI file in front of his face with his fingertips, his typical reading stance. "What are you doing here?" I demanded, my burgeoning sympathy gone. "Were you spying on our conversation?!"_

_He lowered the paper and blinked. "No. I'm about to finish reading the dossier, so I thought I'd speak to Watari about it while the case was still fresh in my head. The last thing I wanted to hear was you complaining to him about how I was keeping you from adventure and excitement. Don't you think he has more important things to do than listen to you whinge on?"_

_I opened my mouth and then closed it again. Why bother? Instead, I made a sweeping bow and gestured toward Wammy's office. "Oh yes, by all means, my whingeing is over. The floor is yours."_

_He stood up and eyed me quizzically. I nodded in parting, and briskly walked off down the hallway. If he wanted to think that all I was doing in Wammy's office was complaining, I'd rather him think that then know that the only man he respected saw him as a lonely, unloved creature. That kind of revelation would do absolutely nothing for his perception of self, and I wasn't so cruel as to throw that in his face. Even if he wouldn't give that much consideration to me._

"So come on," Mello was persistent as he plopped down backwards in a chair and folded his arms over the back. "What did L do to make you so bitter?"

I tilted my head toward the doorway where I heard obvious shuffling in the hall. Well, well. "Mello, I don't mind you practicing your interrogation skills on me, but don't expect me to give you an answer that easily. I'm not going to say another word about it because I know he sent you in here to ask me. Now, why that should be his first action after coming home is beyond my own reasoning, I was certain it would have been raiding the kitchens for pudding."

Mello's wide eyes took up his entire face. "How on earth did you know?!"

I rolled mine and smoothed my skirt. "You'll learn this soon. You don't get to be second best without being able to know."

I heard slow clapping coming from the hallway and grimaced. Someone had been thoroughly entertained.


	2. Familiar Footing

**Chapter 2: Familiar Footing**

Mello chuckled and whipped his head around toward the door. "You might as well come out. You can't get anything past her!"

Sure enough, an elongated shadow fell over the polished wooden floor, and a moment later L appeared, his hair in usual disarray as it hung in his broody eyes. The unkempt black mop appeared to have grown longer over the half year he'd been gone, not that I cared to notice. He padded slowly up to where Mello was lounging and set down a black duffle bag on the opposite facing chair, still not speaking as he opened it. I remained by the window, wondering why he had hired Mello to find out why I was out of sorts with him. Last time I'd checked, he'd been rather gifted in solving mysteries himself.

He searched through the contents of his bag and emerged holding a large chocolate bar wrapped in gilded paper. "Honestly, I didn't expect you to find out anything, Mello, so it's no matter." Mello's eyes lit up as he handed him the chocolate bar. "From Bern, best chocolatier I've ever encountered, with my compliments."

Mello didn't waste two seconds before he tore off the wrapper with abandon and started to devour the chocolate. "I did try," He mumbled with his mouth full. "But Grace cut me off at the pass."

L hadn't acknowledged me, but apparently that made it all right for me to be his topic of discussion. "She is one of the best, Mello, and there are much better infiltrating tactics you could have used to open her up. Commenting on how nice she looks today, things like that."

I crossed my arms now, indignant. "I'm not some wilting flower that melts into a puddle of goo over a compliment. That wouldn't have worked either."

The devious fool actually smiled as our eyes met. "I'm not saying it would have worked. It just should have been said."

I felt a little off center after the unexpected compliment but refused to let it show. "I hope you haven't brought another sweets shop home with you this time. Roger's been very concerned about the kids' teeth. Cavity rates tend to spike when you're in the country."

He shrugged and rummaged back in his bag, at last producing another gold box tied with a red ribbon. "I suppose you won't want these truffles, then?"

Typical male, appeasing a woman with chocolate. Unfortunately, this woman loved it more than Mello. I cleared my throat and looked at him with surprise. "Well, er, thank you. You actually remembered I like truffles?"

L nodded and stuck out his arm to give me the box. "I find it of importance to remember what everyone likes."

I received the present and felt guilty. In the space of five minutes, L had given me several compliments and sweets, I couldn't exactly be angry at him right then.

I decided to make an effort to be cordial. "You look well. Er, are those new trainers?"

He blinked and then gave his footwear a cursory glance, a pair of beat up tennis shoes that were coming apart at the soles. "No... new shirt?"

New shirt? He wore the same thing every day, even my detecting skills wouldn't have noticed that.

"Oh." I floundered, feeling heat rise in my cheeks. "It's a nice color." White, it was always white, I needed to stop saying such strange things. He had been able to disarm me without even trying. It was infuriating.

The bells of the ancient church on the property tolled then, and Mello leapt up from the chair, his half-eaten candy bar in hand. "Crap, time for my psychology lesson. Gotta run. Glad to see you back, L. See you at supper, G!" he tore out of the room, slamming the library door behind him. I cringed, wishing I could run out of there with him.

With L watching me strangely, I reseated myself by the window and placed my hands in my lap, playing with the ribbon on my truffle box, thinking maybe he'd leave if I didn't engage him. Instead of making his exit, L broke his gaze, crossed to the other wall of books and began running his fingers along the shelves of leather bound spines like a schoolboy playing along a park fence.

"So," he kept his eyes aimed away from me and focused on the variety of titles that passed under his fingertips. "How have you been?"

Once again, I was caught off guard by his questioning and answered before I could stop myself. "Fine, I suppose. Besides being bored at a higher frequency than usual."

"Why is that?" There it was again, an actual consideration for my well-being. Where was this coming from?

"Well, it's not like I got to go work on that New York kidnapping ring or anything." I answered airily, using his interest to my advantage.

He pursed his lips together and selected a book from the wall, not fazed by my reply. "Oh. It wasn't much fun, and hardly a challenge. I can't believe you even remember it."

My fists strangled the ribbon in my lap as I wondered what it would feel like to punch the world's greatest detective in the face. I was pretty certain it would be satisfying.

"Oh, so it wasn't dangerous?" My voice had an obvious edge to it that he chose to ignore.

"Not as much as it usually is. But then again, I was never in harm's way holed up in the hotel the entire time."

"So I could have helped you then, and lived to see another day."

"Hmm…yes." He noted after blowing dust off of the book in his hands. "However, it was still better that you were here."

Annoyed by his answer, I didn't speak and instead glared out of the window. We were back on the familiar footing of dislike and for me it was more comforting than hearing how nice I looked. That was just bizarre.

"Anyway, New York. It wasn't anything –"

I cut L's blasé bragging off with a loud gasp as I witnessed an unbelievable scene outside.

"That boy won't live until nightfall!" I thundered as I watched a rickety biplane taking off from the field behind the church with the deafening roar of its newly tweaked engine. "After I distinctly told him not to go up in that death trap in this downpour; I can't BELIEVE this!"

L ambled over to peer out of the window with me, mildly interested. "You didn't want him to fly?" he asked, in a casual manner that made him sound suspiciously guilty.

My eyes narrowed as I turned to take him in. "No, of course not. Why are you surprised?"

Now he looked sheepish. "I was getting out of the car earlier and Fritz greeted me and then asked if it looked like a good day for a flight. I said "I suppose, I flew today." I didn't think he was asking my permission."

I stared at him for a moment then shook my head. "For being a renowned detective you truly do lack common sense."

"I don't think that was called for." L protested. "I can't help it that he went over your head…er…quite literally. I have only just returned."

"Yes, and already causing trouble. You weren't here, and I doubt Wammy told you. He prefers to keep you in your perfect little bubble most of the time. Fritz nearly burnt down the stable last time he flew in a storm. He crashed through the roof and thankfully none of the horses or anyone was hurt, but he made a promise to me that he wouldn't fly in such perilous conditions again when lives could be at risk. It's nice to know how much keeping one's word means to him."

L shoved his hands in his jean pockets and gave the looping plane a last look. "Fritz doesn't have to listen to you. Grace. You're not his mother."

I scrambled up from the window seat, putting some distance between us before I regretted my actions. "What? When did I ever say I was his mother? None of us have parents; I wouldn't even know how to be one."

He smirked, taking me in again fully with his shrewd eyes. "Yes you would. It's a quality you were born with. The kids know they can depend on you, but when they are only a few years younger than you, like Fritz, they can't be told what to do. You need to come to terms with that."

"Thanks for the advice." I scowled, wondering if this conversation was actually taking place. "His stubbornness borders on stupidity. Obviously if he can't understand that his actions are dangerous on his own, I need to keep an eye on him!"

L rolled his eyes heavenward. "It doesn't matter that he's stubborn, he's nineteen. Come now, you wouldn't like it if I told you what to do, would you?"

"Funny, I thought you already did that as a way of life."

L groaned and walked back to where he had left his book. "This is about New York again, isn't it?"

"Everything's about New York, don't you see? You're just a hypocrite, keeping me under your thumb whilst informing me I shouldn't do the same thing! If I must have a lecture, I'd appreciate it from someone who practices what he preaches!"

He settled himself down in one of the ornate chairs that flanked the fireplace on the far side of the room and laughed quietly to himself. "I missed you, G. I truly did."

There it was again, another stumbling moment that I couldn't understand. It was as if in the entirety of the last six months L hadn't been solving cases but planning how to bewilder me instead. He was succeeding quite brilliantly.

"When will you stop talking nonsense?" I asked, softer than I expected.

"Well, while you liken stubbornness to stupidity, I find yours to be endearing. Who else can I get into sparring matches with at the drop of a hat? My life has been too quiet without you around."

I opened my mouth to respond when I heard a tiny voice by the door.

"Miss Gracie?"

I turned to see a frightened Ella holding the door open and hurried over to her, kneeling down to fold her into my arms. "What is it poppet? What's the matter? Fritz didn't crash again, did he? I didn't hear anything."

"I heard shouting. It sounded bad." She confessed keeping her small arms linked around my neck. "Is someone being mean to you?"

_Yes, like usual,_ I felt tempted to say but made an effort to laugh. "No, no. We were just talking, er a trifle too loud. Did you get a chance to see L?"

"I'm not giving anyone their presents without them physically coming over here to say hello." He announced from his perch on the chair where he was pretending to read. Ella's arms immediately loosened from my neck.

"There you are, L!" she cried gleefully, breaking apart from me to tear across the room to tackle him. She knocked him down to the floor and started hunting in his pockets. "Did you bring me lemon drops again, oh please say you did, I gave my last ones to Mr. Roger!"

"That's not a proper way to greet someone, Ella." I admonished her she gave up searching and hugged him.

"I think it's a wonderful way to greet someone," L disagreed as he pulled himself up off the floor with little dignity and Ella gazed at him with shining eyes. "Knock him down, loot his body and then embrace like nothing happened. I'm amazed it hasn't become a part of our culture."

I hated that I giggled at that one. "Give him a chance to find your present first, Ella. I need to go find Mr. Wammy."

"Going to tattle about Fritz?" L asked as he dug through his bag. Ella jumped up and down excitedly by his side. "Don't bother, Watari is making a detour in London before coming home. Apparently, there's another motherless prodigy he wants to bring here. Aha." He produced a hefty mesh bag full of lemon drops for Ella who squealed in delight. "This should be enough to last a while, even if you do share with the others."

"Thank you, thank you, L!" Ella latched herself around his midsection again and L could only look at me with a trapped expression flooding his features. Ella was the only one of the kids who would come remotely close to him and he still couldn't get used to the very open affection she displayed for every living creature. Near couldn't stand it either.

She let him go and held up her candy like a prize. "You're the best! The absolute best person in the whole wide world! Isn't he, Miss Gracie?"

I sighed as her statement struck pain into my heart. "Oh yes, Ella. He's the best. Run along now, you're supposed to be practicing for your music lesson. And I don't want to see that bag half gone by this evening. L doesn't go to Switzerland every day, you know."

"Yes, Miss Grace." She chirped, letting out an aggravated groan that seemed so adult. Even the littlest residents of Wammy's House were growing up before my eyes.

She skipped out of the room and I crossed over to L pushing the truffles back into his hands. "Here, let someone else have these. I really don't want them."

"But why?" he asked, vaguely surprised, holding the box ribbon between his thumb and forefinger before placing it on the chair next to his bag.

I made my way to the door, but hesitated by the exit. "L, you say my place is here and Wammy says I'm needed here because the children need me to look after them. I thought I was good at that, but apparently I'm just second best in their eyes as well. It seems that my years of nurturing a child can't compete with you giving them packets of sweets whenever you're in the area to win their devotion. I'll see you at supper."

"G, wait."

I waited a moment and then turned to face him. "What?"

When he came into view I thought he was a stranger. Instead of his usual cautious blank expression, his face was full of empathy. He stepped forward out of the shadows of the windows and frowned. "You're not second best with the others. They are very fond of you, especially the little one with a sweet tooth. Even if you do mother Fritz to death, he couldn't imagine life without you. I'm sure of it. But the man has to be able to make his own choices at some point in his life."

My eyes were pricking with tears. I was so frustrated with him not understanding. He had had his freedom for years upon years, why couldn't he want that for me too?  "So when do I get to have a choice?" I asked, my voice quivering.

He smiled sadly and shrugged. "I don't have an answer to that, but I do have chocolate."

I chuckled mirthlessly. "Consolation prize, eh?"

"A quite decent one. Switzerland is known for its chocolate, as well as its bank corruption."

I held out my hand, relenting. "Fine, I'll take them back. I didn't mean to be act childish."

He shambled over to the door and placed the box in my hands. "Don't be ashamed of acting childish. It's fun."

I smirked as I received it back from him. Our hands brushed for the quickest second, and I nearly jumped at the feel of his touch. Electricity flowed up my fingertips and I had absolutely no explanation.

"S-Supper." I mumbled, not being able to stop staring at him. "I'll see you there."

His eyes actually twinkled. "Don't eat all of those truffles before then, Grace. Remember to practice what you preach. Switzerland isn't a hop, skip and a jump away, as you are well aware."

I knew I was blushing and I couldn't have it. "I'll remember." I informed him as I made my exit. "I'm not you after all."

He was laughing as I left him in the library which unnerved me to no end. A light hearted L was hard to get used to.


	3. Sixes and Sevens

**Chapter 3: Sixes and Sevens**

I wandered down the hallway toward my quarters in a complete daze. I had been so prepared to receive my due apology from the man I had been aggravated with for half a year and hadn't gotten it. Instead, he had given me the gifts of chocolate and confusion. Not the fair trade I'd been hoping for by any stretch of the imagination, but an interesting one nonetheless. At least it gave me something to think about besides giving Fritz the dressing down of his life when he came back down to Earth.

This was so strange. L and I had never been anything more than uneasy acquaintances, living in the same grey stone manor house overlooking the verdant fields of Hampshire, occupying the same space but hardly aware of the other, but now it seemed like he wished for that to change. We had always been paired up by Wammy even since we were little, but we could never get along. Was it guilt that made him want to reassure me of my valued place in the eyes of the children or something else?

Early on we had been given our lessons together and had been taught by some of the greatest minds in the world. A professor emeritus from Oxford schooled us on everything from our letters to classic literature, a winner of the Nobel prize had shown us the phases of the moon and precisely how far away the stars were that hung above our heads, and Wammy himself had shown us how to think outside of the box and create ideas that had never been considered before.

Mrs. Coppersmith, our housekeeper, had despaired of L's etiquette when we were being instructed how to eat at table and also my innate ability to know where a conversation was headed before it got there. I remembered a time when I was six years old when she had yanked the both of us out of the room at a dinner party scolding us in her raspy tongue about how no decent human being sat on a chair like a monkey in front of guests or acted like a blooming psychic in front of an MP. It was another of those not getting along with L scenes that I had ample supply of in my memories.

_"I can't help knowing that he's going to talk about his prize horse, Mrs. C!" I protested as she deposited us in the kitchen to be kept under the watch of Alice the cook. "I just knew when he asked me if the children rode often here that he was going to bring up his horse!"_

_Her protuberant brown eyes narrowed at me as she struggled to make L sit correctly in his chair across the table. "And you said, "I really do not wish to discuss your horse, Lord Overmeyer." and he hadn't mentioned it at all! The man turned as white as a sheet! We don't need the neighbors thinking that you're otherworldly, Grace. Mr. Wammy runs a school for gifted children, not a haven for the supernatural! Aye, boy, sit straight now! Do you want to look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame when you're older?!"_

_L had calmly looked up at her reddening face and shifted his position. "Quasimodo had quite a few redeeming qualities. I wouldn't mind being like him."_

_She let go of his shoulders and panted heavily from her exertion. "Ah, Alice. They're yours for the evening. I've had it with both of them!"_

_"Just fetch your supper, Glynnis. I'll keep my eye on these two." Alice suggested lightly from where she was busy stirring a mouthwatering concoction in a wooden bowl._

_Mrs. C agreed and with a final warning to be good, left us be._

_I scowled across the table at L. "Now we won't get any dessert because you couldn't just sit like Mrs. C told you too."_

_"No, we're not getting dessert because you talked too much." He disagreed, fidgeting with the bowtie around his neck. "They'll probably ask you back into the room to tell the guests' fortunes."_

_I stuck my tongue out at him and turned my head away, making my auburn ringlets bounce on purpose. "You're mean."_

_"No, I'm honest, like you would be if you admitted that this is your fault."_

_"Children, hush now." Alice interceded swooping over with a large china plate covered in a cloth napkin. "I won't have any more rows in my kitchen about you not getting dessert, based on the fact that it is absolutely not true." She placed the dish in front of us and whipped off the napkin. The intoxicating smell of warm vanilla biscuits straight from the oven wafted under our noses. "Now eat up and if you can't talk nice to each other, don't talk at all, hear me?"_

_We ate the delicious cookies in absolute silence until the time came to fight over the last one. Alice had groaned, marched over to the table and broke it in half. "What did I say, then? The pair of you need to learn how to share. I've never seen two children more alike who didn't get on. The two of you should be best mates!"_

Best mates, I laughed now thinking of that. Anne Walters was my best mate, the old soul who was always there if I wanted to talk. L was just L, it was impossible to speak to him about anything if it didn't hold his interest. I swiveled on my heel and took the front staircase down to the conservatory where Anne could usually be found; thinking it one of those times when seeking her out for a chat would be beneficial.

Just as I had suspected, Anne was there in her makeshift studio, giving a drawing lesson to Linda, Kensey, Beto and Waleska. They were all attempting to sketch the glass bowl of cherries dipped in white chocolate in front of them while Anne walked about advising their results.

"Inspiration comes from everywhere, doesn't it?" I observed, slipping into the room.

Anne flipped her mass of long dark locs behind her back and smiled ruefully. "I thought we'd use them as a still life, before I gobbled them all down. Where does he find these amazing treats? He needs to find out if the store is online so we don't have to hover around waiting for him to come home with more."

"He should add Willy Wonka to his aliases." I shrugged looking down at my box of truffles. "Anne, did you notice anything odd about him today?"

Anne's famous grin spread across her face streaked with red paint. "Grace, it's L. What  _isn't_ odd about him?"

"True." I should have known that wasn't the way to bring up the subject. Anne had been here at Wammy's since she was three but the fearless American spirit she had been born with had never left her. He had found her in Philadelphia years ago absorbedly drawing beautiful scenes on the pavement with sidewalk chalk outside of the foster home where she lived, and with his kind ways had convinced her to come live where her gifts wouldn't be thrown to the wayside. She had been quiet and afraid at first, but after the two of us met we were inseparable. "Like chips and vinegar." Wammy used to say fondly about his first two girls. We had grown up together and had grown closer as time passed. We had only grown  _up_  with L.

"No seriously, I did notice he was a little different," she admitted thoughtfully as we sat down at one of the long tables by the skylights. The kids pressed on without her input and kept drawing their subject. She must have promised them some after they were finished. "When he comes home he usually goes up to his room and doesn't resurface for hours. Today he talked a little bit to Mello and then went up to the library. Guess he wanted something to speed read."

I flushed again. "No, er, I was in the library. That's what I mean."

"I see." Her pitch rose. "Maybe he has radar to you now."

"No, no." I shook my head. "I think he just wanted to talk, but it was so, I don't know, different. He was giving me all of these off-hand compliments and dare I say it, being almost charming! He was acting so strange, I didn't know what to make of it." I dropped my voice. "He said that he  _missed_ me, how can he miss me when we hardly talk except to row? It's all sixes and sevens in my head right now. What did he mean by it?"

"Maybe he's turning over a new leaf," Anne suggested. "He's never really opened himself to us. Maybe he wants to let us into his life now. That would be so great."

"Yes…" I pondered this idea, hoping it would be closer to the truth. No. "Anne, it was more than that, though. He was being  _flirtatious._ I swear I've never seen anything like it in my life." I had minimal experience with flirting, mostly from a casual acquaintance who lived nearby who was always attempting to work his charms and the dinner parties Wammy still held occasionally when he was at home. An intent look across the wine glasses, a polite introduction to a stranger, the small talk that came and always the lasting realization that the person trying to find out more about me is someone I've already realized I didn't care for in that way. Flirting seemed overrated. Until today. Before, electric impulses had never been involved.

"Well, you are wearing that cute skirt today, Grace and L is a man, you know." Her eyes glittered with mischief. "Could it be that you dressed up because you knew he was coming home?"

"Annie!" I cried out embarrassed, causing the four pupils' heads to pop up from their easels. "Are you  _mad?_ He doesn't notice how people look any more than he notices the wallpaper. This is NOT my doing!"

She let out a lusty laugh. "Just teasing! Although, I wouldn't be surprised if L finally woke up and realized just how pretty you are when you're not yelling. You'll have your hands full now, girl!"

"You are  _not_  helping." I moaned, remembering how I had felt that jolt when his hands had touched mine. This was getting worse and worse. "I don't want L to be nice to me because he thinks I'm  _pretty_. That's no reason to call a truce."

"No really," Anne sobered. "I think he just feels bad about how the New York thing went down and wants to be friendly to you. Don't dwell on it, Grace. There's no need."

I noticed the rain had finally stopped falling as I leaned my head against the back cushion. I knew I needed to probe further. "Annie, have you ever heard L laugh?"

"L can laugh?" her tone was amused. "I thought that was an urban legend."

"No…" I could still hear the laugh in my head. Restrained but still so joyful, and it had been in response to something I'd said. I couldn't deny that I'd like to hear it again. "It's real."

"Well that's even  _better!_ "

"How so?"

"It means that instead of fighting you two actually had a decent conversation, maybe with a couple of jokes thrown in?"

"Something like that." I coughed uncomfortably. "Ella came in because she heard me shouting. I'm not setting the best example, am I? Telling the little ones to play nice all the time when I find reason to argue with L about the weather!"

Anne shrugged. "You're not perfect, Grace. The gang should expect you to have some flaws, they're what make people tolerable to be around. Did Ellz jump on L again? Last time the look on his face was hysterical!"

"She knocked him down this time." I informed her, smiling at the memory. "That child isn't afraid of anything."

Ella's gift was a rare one but astounding in its simplicity. She was able to tell a person's true feelings just by observing them. While the rest of the kids were put off by L's bleak nature, she saw something they all didn't. She saw things that even I couldn't.

"You should ask Ella why L was acting so "odd" toward you." Anne suggested playfully. "Or is it that you're afraid of the answer?"

I jumped up with a start. "Anne, please. I'm sure it's like you say, simply an attempt to make amends. I'll let you get on with your lesson, and you have no problem sharing these with your best friend, do you?" I strode over to the table and grabbed a handful of the chocolate covered cherries before making a quick exit.

"Thief!" Anne called out, laughing as I shut the double doors behind me.

I giggled too, popping a few into my mouth as I finally made my way up to my room. Of course I ran into L on the stairs. That was inevitable.

I was busy stuffing myself to realize I was about to crash into him as he came from the other direction. It didn't matter that the grand staircase was wide, we slammed into each other and he grabbed my arm before I smacked my head on the railing.

"Good lord!" I exclaimed as I regained my balance. "I didn't see you there."

"It's easy to miss me." He answered, still holding my elbow with his fingertips to keep me steady. "Fritz landed by the way, if you want to put the fear of God into him or anything."

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm too exhausted to deal with it right now. I'll talk to him after supper."

"Oh, well you might want to mention it  _at_ supper. Watari phoned and he wants to speak with both of us when he gets back around seven tonight with the new child, so you may be busy with that instead of making Fritz cower in fear."

New York instantly came back into my mind but I didn't hold much hope. "Why, what's going on?" I asked, finally removing my arm from his gentle grasp.

He somewhat bashfully dropped his hand to his side. "The new kid, he's different." He explained, his eyes becoming serious. "Unlike any of us."

"What does that even  _mean,_  L? We're all as strange as it comes!" He never could get straight to the point in normal conversation. It always amazed me how rapid fire his interrogations could go when he was working.

L brought his other hand to his pale lips and bit his thumbnail, a habit he was known for when he was uncomfortable. "Yes, we're all different than the typical population, but we all  _wanted_ to come here when Watari found us. This kid, Jude, is being forced."

"Forced?" I thought of the alternative, an overcrowded children's home or care placement where a child's abilities would likely be buried under crippling poverty or loneliness. In comparison, Wammy's was like the Holy Land. "He has nowhere else to go or something?"

"No, more like the brothers at the abbey where he's been raised are frightened of him and are wishing to make him scarce. They think he's a seer."

I felt a chill run up my back at his ominous explanation. "Does he really see into the future?"

L shrugged. "That's what we're supposed to find out when we meet him tonight. Apparently his deductive reasoning skills are so advanced that it appears that he can see what's going to happen before it does."

"More than knowing when some pompous Lord wants to gush about his horse?" I scoffed, knowing there was a time when people thought I was psychic as well.

"He's supposed to be better than the both of us combined. Tonight is meant to test that."

I had to smirk. "You mean you and I are going to work together for once?"

There it was again, another guarded smile. "Why not? You'd be a suitable partner for this exercise at least, and you don't have to leave the property so there's no safety concern."

I groaned and crossed my arms, climbing a few steps above him. He always acted so superior. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

He cast his gaze down toward his feet and shrugged. "Well, if you can bear my presence for another quarter of an hour, I thought we could discuss options, and produce a test that will prove his abilities beyond any question. I've never dealt with someone like this, someone who could surpass my analytical capabilities. The only person who has come close is you."

Now this was unreal. L hadn't already come up with a plan, he had waited for my input and also had humbly asked for my help, well, as humbly as he could be. I had to get to the bottom of it. "All right, enough, what is this all about?" I challenged, joining him on the same step.

He blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"

I gestured to myself and then to him. " _This._  Conversing, acting like you give a damn. You don't like me, L. You haven't liked me for years. Why exactly are you treating me like your equal? I can't understand it!"

He paused, began to say something and decided against it. Instead, he cleared his throat and began to descend the rest of the stairs. "Are you coming or not?"

Wordlessly, I joined him at the bottom just as Fritz burst through the front doors soaking wet and absolutely elated.

"That was unbelievable!" he announced, pulling off his dripping goggles and undoing his soggy scarf. "The wind, the speed, just glorious!" He stopped when he figured out that I didn't care if he had reached nirvana on his half-witted flight. "Oh, Grace! Don't you look lovely this afternoon?"

I looked at him frostily. "You and I and Wammy will be having a quiet word later; do not doubt that for a second, but for now, L and I have work to do." Before I left him, I gave him one last icy glare. "And another thing, flattery loses its potency when it is said without a shred of sincerity. You should keep that in mind during your next deceitful endeavor." I turned to L. "That goes for you too."

"I'm honest." L replied calmly strolling towards the east sitting room without waiting for me to follow. "Which is what you'd be if you'd admitted that you like our compliments."

I felt another chill run up my spine and could hardly find my tongue to speak. "Like I said we'll talk later." I stammered to the Fritz and left him completely puzzled at the foot of the stairs. Confusion seemed to be contagious.


	4. Truce

**Chapter 4: Truce**

Two hours later, L and I were still sequestered in the airy sitting room surrounded by piles of notes and news reports as we developed our plan. I leaned back and tucked my pen behind my ear exhausted but relieved. "So this should work. He'll have no knowledge of this crime and no contact with anyone involved. If he pulls this off, there is no doubt that he's superior."

"Correct." L lifted his eyes from the computer printout in his hands. "And then we'll have a problem."

"Indeed." I sighed, stretching my arms. "Changing the order is sure to cause a riot."

The order was Wammy's list of L's successors. I was number two, Near and Mello were both placed side by side at number three and years down the road, Ella was a likely choice for number four. If Jude was better than all of us, all of the prepping the boys had had would be for naught. They wouldn't take it easily.

"Mello will hate him on sight." I noted as I shuffled the papers in my lap. "We know nothing about Jude, yet he could be the one taking over when -" My voice got caught in my throat and I stopped myself, embarrassed. Stupid, Grace, stupid.

"When I die." L finished without fear, reaching for another of my truffles. We had already polished off half of the box.

I shuddered. "I didn't mean to bring that up. That was thoughtless, and I apologize."

"Why?" he asked, chewing. "It's the truth."

While working toward a common goal, our ceasefire had become easier to handle. The increase of respect and the reduction in volume had been a pleasant change of pace and I knew I had destroyed it all by reminding him that no one would advance until he was dead. I wanted to kick myself.

I shifted in my seat, uncomfortably. "I don't know how you can be so accepting of that. Let's forget it was ever mentioned."

"No," he protested, starting to clear up the coffee table between us. "It's the order of the universe, and you can deny it all you want, but it's going to happen. I came to terms with it long ago. It's the same thing with Near and Mello not becoming L until you're gone, isn't it?

I dropped my eyes. "Wammy's always said that if I married I could pass the mantle on, so I guess it doesn't trouble me as much to think of successors."

The sheaf of papers L was collecting fluttered to the floor and I jumped up to help him gather them before they became hopelessly out of order. As I dropped to my hands and knees to hunt for a sheet that had slid under the sofa, I heard his languid voice ask, "Do you plan on marrying, Grace?"

I retrieved the last of our notes and sat back on my heels, amused. "Marrying  _who_ exactly? I think Wammy just told me that to get my hopes up."

L sprawled out on the floor across from me, resting one long wiry arm over his knee and furrowed his brow.

"Surely there are men who would suit. Lord Hargrove's son has dined here on numerous occasions. I can't think he comes for the stimulating conversation being that he can't string a sentence together."

I gave him a cold look and thumped the lid down on my remaining candy with a flourish. I'd had it with sharing. He could be so arrogant about his obvious gifts. It reminded me why I usually didn't like him.

L pressed the issue. "Am I wrong to think something else is attracting him here? I don't think I am."

I whirled on him fiercely. "Since when are you so invested in  _anything_ about me? Why do you  _care?"_

He pursed his thin lips together and shrugged. "He would be the obvious choice for a ticket out of here, that's all."

I frowned and wondered why we were both still on the floor.  _"_ Just who do you want placed in my stead? I'm guessing it's Mello since you already have him doing your dirty work. Well, hard luck. I'm not going to marry Andrew Hargrove for the sake of escaping Wammy's and making things convenient for you. He's tiresome with all of his platitudes and misguided attempts at gallantry and I would never settle for that. I'd rather be Mrs. C yelling at boys to sit straight in their chairs for the rest of my life than  _ever_ be a bloody countess someday. I'd have less freedom than I do now. Perish the thought."

"All right, so I was wrong, it had to happen once in my life." The corners of his mouth turned up. "But in all honesty, you could never be that devilish woman."

I tugged down the hem of my skirt self-consciously. "Oh."

"Although nothing's scarier than to listen to you tear an errant kid a strip."

Not rising to the bait, I smiled coldly. "Why, L, you're all about the compliments today, aren't you?"

"That "wanting to cuff me in the ear" smile is like hers as well." He chuckled and pulled himself up from the floor. "It's getting late. I'd better make the arrangements for our test." He held out a hand to me, waiting. "Well?"

I took it after a moment of hesitation and he lifted me up to my feet. "Yes, and I'll see if the little ones are ready to go down to supper." I answered, noticing he hadn't let go of my hand. "Uh, I'll do that now."

He realized at the same moment and released me swiftly. "Right. Well, G, I have to say you are a competent worker. I underestimated you."

"Thanks. I wonder how this Jude will do. To think I'll be giving up my number two claim after all these years. I'm sad to see it go."

"No," L disagreed, resolve forming in his eyes. "You won't be relinquishing your next in line status, not for anyone. The most this Jude can hope for is number three. You've worked too hard for too long to have it snatched away."

L had loyalties to the rest of us. I felt guilty that I had ever doubted that.

My tone was cheery when I answered. "Thanks, L. I'm glad you can see that I'd much rather rescue the globe from the brink of destruction than get married off."

"G, are you sure you really want this?" he asked, in that softer tone from the library. The dark circles permanently etched under his eyes became an even deeper violet as he entreated me to answer. I knew it was a roundabout way of learning if I wanted to end up like him, and it pained me that he couldn't see that that would be an honor for any of us.

I met him fearlessly. "It's what I was born to do."

L nodded solemnly in response then gazed over my shoulder off into the distance. "I see. Well, then, much luck to you. I'm certain you'll be more than satisfactory."

His age was less apparent when the haughtiness faded; I was startled by the difference. The years melted away. Instead of the confident demeanor he always wore, his face told a different, lonelier story. I understood that feeling. Even in a house crawling with other people, he had to feel alone when he carried the heaviest weight on his shoulders. Before I could stop myself, I put my hand on his arm, urging him to shake himself out of his miserable trance. He jolted under my touch.

"Well, I hope not to have to take any of this on for a long time. Life would be pretty boring without you around, truth be told." I admitted, warmth showing in my voice.

"I like it when you're honest." He said quietly. "It reminds me of when we first met."

I hadn't expected that, and stepped back. "I really don't remember that."

L fell deep into thought again and all I could do was wait. "I had only been here for seven and a half months before you arrived. Winston and I were in this room tinkering with some toy Watari had given us. I remember it was thundering and the wind whipped against the windows. I hated it because I liked things to be quiet. I used to go off and find a dark, peaceful place to sit when it would storm like that. Alice was always finding me in the cupboard under the sink. But since Winston didn't like to be alone, I stayed with him, wondering when Watari was coming home…"

I watched him with wonder. How could so many years have passed without hearing this story? Oh, never mind, the whole not being able to communicate without raising our pitches a few decibels probably had kept it from fruition.

"It was getting later and later, and Coppersmith marched in, saying it was time for us to go to bed. It was then the front doors opened and I heard a little voice sobbing her heart out."

I lowered my eyes and instinctively raised my hand to my touch the silver necklace at my throat. My mother had died and Wammy had found me…

He continued, wistfully. "You made the biggest racket I had ever heard. Watari came in the room, holding you in his arms, his overcoat shielding you from rain and our inquiring eyes. He smiled at us and said "Lads, I want you to meet Grace. She will be living here now." Coppersmith tsked her tongue and uncovered you from under the coat. You had the bluest eyes and the palest face streaked with tears and there was snot hanging out of your nose… "

Enjoying the memory ended there. "You had to remember  _that_?"

He smirked. "You were a rival for the affections of Watari, of course I remembered everything. Anyway, I just stared at you, wondering where you had come from. I thought you might be some wayward wind spirit that Watari had found caught on one of the gates. Winston hurried forward to meet you. I hung back, hating that you had been the one keeping Watari gone. You didn't seem too fond of me either. Your panicked eyes darted around the room until they landed on me and then you let out a shriller cry. "No! Go away! Mummy! I want my Mummy!" It made me so angry."

"But why?" I asked, even though I could figure out the answer.

"Because for you, such a person existed. Watari was all I knew, I had no idea where I came from and you did. That irritated me from the start. You weren't the only one upset."

This story took so many turns I didn't know where to find its meaning. "I don't understand why that shows me being honest though."

"Hmm...I thought it was ridiculously obvious. Very well, you didn't hide anything. You said what you thought. You saw me as hideous and frightening and you let me know it. I admire that."

I never hated childish judgments more than at that moment. I was so ashamed of my sniveling toddler aged self and holding such a child in such high regard made me think he was off his trolley. "I, I'm sorry. Truly, I have no memory of that. You're not either of those things and you never were."

L hadn't been looking for sympathy or an apology, just to get his point across. He never had patience for pity. "It doesn't matter. It was a natural defense to something foreign to you and you were scared of everything that night. But in moments when you are completely truthful, like just before. I remember it. You may have changed a great deal, Grace, but you're still sincere."

"Again with the compliments, it must be my birthday." I teased. "Now I know why you never liked me. I was noisy!"

"You're pretty close to being right. I never knew such a little thing could produce that much chatter, laughter, tears or shouting. I was in that cupboard more and more."

I laughed for a second, but then grew solemn. "L, beyond a doubt you've driven me mad for years, but I don't want anything to happen to you. I just want you to know that…you have worth, and you would be missed." I was starting to think my cheeks were going to be permanently pink after today, but it had to be said. "So take care of yourself, all right?"

His eyes lit up as a smile tugged at his lips. "Dare I say it, are we becoming friends?"

"That may be a little premature," I deflected. "But I would absolutely call this a truce."

"Fair enough," he agreed, walking over to pick up the binder of mug shots from his chair. "I'll take it. There is a solution to having to wait years to get to see the world and fight crime, you know."

"Do you mean that you've seen the error of your ways and want me to take over for a few missions?" I couldn't help being excited.

"No, don't be silly. There's always the possibility of marrying me and then getting to go where I go." L suggested. He waited a few weighty seconds to take in my open-mouthed expression before continuing with an evil smirk. "I'm completely lying of course."

I gasped and whacked him with the packet of papers. "You nutter! Trying to give a girl a heart attack or something? Lord!" I placed my hand over my crazily palpitating heart and waited for it to slow. "If this is what your sense of humor is like no wonder you keep it to yourself!"

He flashed a quirky grin at me. "I better get this in order for Jude. See you later, G. Be sure not to ruin your appetite."

"Ha ha. I think I just lost it."

L left the room and I collapsed against the back of my chair. Marry  _L?_   I swore whoever put him up to that would have dish duty for a month.

I stood upright and ran my fingers through my hair, my thoughts scattered. What if no one had put him up to it? He couldn't have been serious, but why would a thought like that even cross his mind? I was the snot-nosed, noisy thing that he had hidden from as long as he could fit in the kitchen cupboard, obviously I was nothing else in his eyes, and that's what I wanted. Right?

"This has got to be the strangest day of my life." I muttered as I caught a glance of myself in the mirror hanging on the wall. The blue eyed girl staring back at me unfortunately had no answers. Damn him! This was one puzzle I wasn't going to be able to solve.

* * *

 

Anne and I walked down to supper a half hour later, still full of speculation about the "new L." Anne had teased me that I was lucky to receive the first proposal even though I thought she was letting her imagination get away from her thinking that that off handed lie could constitute asking for my hand. Ella held on tight to my hand and gave it a tug before we reached the dining room.

"Miss Gracie?"

I bent down to hear her better. "Yes?"

Her peaked face wore a heavy guilty expression before she cupped her hand against my ear. "I'm not hungry."

I smiled and winked at Anne. "Neither are we."

Mrs. Coppersmith positively  _hated_  the day L would come home. Everyone picked at their dinner and made excuses to leave the table before the soup was even served. Besides that, she always helped Alice make some amazing delectable entrée that of course L wouldn't touch and she'd end up in a foul mood. I had suggested to her in the past that she should just make him a smashing dessert but she called me a "flippant lass" and shooed me out of her private apartment. After that, I never broached the subject again, and her welcome home dinner never got eaten. At least I had tried to help.

Anne whistled through her teeth as we rounded the corner into the dining room. "Well, well, look who's here."

I followed her look and saw Lord Andrew Hargrove standing by Fritz at the head table dressed in a dark blue jacket emblazoned with his family's crest on the left breast pocket and crisp trousers. His meticulously cared for blonde curls were tumbling down his forehead and his broad smile when he saw me enter the room made me feel simply panic struck. Why in God's name was he here? Andrew at L's welcome home dinner? This would not end well.

"Grace!" He called to me, making a few quick strides to reach us. He warmly greeted Anne, patted Ella's head and then tried give me a kiss.

I backed up quickly and held out a hand to shake which he snatched up and assaulted with his lips. I pulled a face that he completely missed. Anne hadn't.  
"Er, good evening, Andrew. I didn't expect to see you here tonight. How does your family fare?"

He still clutched my hand in both of his own as he nodded eagerly. "They are well, very well! Might I say that you are looking better than well this evening, my dear? Stunning would be the word I'd use!"

"Would you?" I shot a tortured glance at Anne who grinned. "So many compliments in one day, Annie, and this is the only one I actually believe!"

Andrew's face grew dark. "Who else has been praising your beauty, my Grace? I must have a word with them!"

"Don't have to wait long for that." Anne teased as she looked behind her. "Come on, Ellz. Let's go find the best places to hide food in our napkins and leave Miss Gracie to chat."

" _No!_ " I pleaded through clenched teeth. My best friend smirked and began to lead Ella off.

"But, Miss Annie," the wonderful child insisted, not budging. "Miss Gracie doesn't want to talk to him…"

"Shhh, he doesn't know that."

Anne finally succeeded leading Ella off under my death glare. She was going to hear it later.

Andrew took in the dining room dressed in blue and gold ribbons that draped all the way across the high ceiling. "Tell me, is there an occasion we're celebrating tonight? Apart from the fact that I am once again in your presence, of course?"

I opened my mouth to explain when I heard a voice behind me. "It's my welcome home party. It's always a big do."

Andrew eyed L with distaste, though I couldn't see why. For his celebration, L had even had the foresight to run a brush through his messy hair before coming down to not eat. That was more than anyone expected.

The lord still gripped my hand and made small talk. "Oh is it? Grace hadn't told me you were coming back from your studies so soon. Was it a good dig?"

"Dig?" L and I repeated at the same time, and then simultaneously recovered. No one outside of Wammy's knew that L was  _the_ L. We always made it seem it was a ludicrously funny coincidence when anyone put two and two together. Instead, Wammy had developed a sort of archaeologist guise for him, having him always commanding a fossil dig in Australia or exploring a forgotten pyramid in Cairo when he was away from home. Luckily L was brilliant enough to be able to pretend he was such an adventurer and stuck artifacts all over the house that he claimed to have discovered to carry on the charade. We were truly on bad form for missing our cue. From then on, L didn't miss a beat.

"Quite a remarkable one. We found the coronation ring of Queen Abatha in the depths of her tomb. The jewels still caught light even after millennia. An uncanny find and truly a gift to see."

Andrew hopelessly stared at him but salvaged his interest when L stopped speaking. "Truly? The ring of Queen ….Ibiza? How extraordinary!" he tugged on my hand. "Come, Grace. The first course is about to be served."

I switched my gaze between the two of them and surrendered. "I suppose we should. Like I can eat."

"Still no appetite?" L retorted playfully and Andrew threw a smoldering glare his way. Andrew couldn't be jealous of L. The mere thought was preposterous.

"Yes, I believe you've made that certain for the rest of the evening. Excuse us." I placed my hand in the crook of Andrew's arm and parted from L.

As we walked toward our table, I couldn't stop from giggling to myself. It was going to be so difficult to get through dinner with the pair of them and Anne watching with glee. I planned to cry off before the soup was served like everyone else.


	5. Revelations

**Chapter 5. Revelations**

Andrew led me over to the main table dressed in cream colored damask and smoothly pulled out my chair so that I could be seated. Anne was still smirking across the water glasses from me. I so wished to stick out my tongue at her. When I spoke of minor flirtations in my life, I mean the singular hopeless attempts of Andrew trying to win my heart over the last three years. While he wasn't a bad friend, he could be at times insufferable, overbearing and therefore absolutely not the kind of boyfriend I desired. I knew that in the two and a half hours we had been seated next to each other at dinner when I was nineteen. Apparently, it took the man much longer to come to the same conclusion.

He seated himself on my right and greeted everyone cheerfully at the table. They in turn returned hellos and shot knowing looks at me. This was mortifying.

"L!" Ella cried from Anne's side as he lazily approached and took the seat on my left.

Andrew made an irritated snort and laid his napkin across his lap with great gusto. I rolled my eyes and watched as L arranged himself  _properly_ in his chair.

"Afraid of getting a cuff from the Copper?" I whispered an aside to him as he tucked his napkin into the neck of his shirt. Ella giggled behind her cup of milk.

He turned to me with his blank expression in full effect. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I am always a gentleman."

I bit my lip so I wouldn't laugh and focused on the china setting in front of me. "I dare you to eat some of the soup if you are such a gentleman."

"A gentleman never backs down from a challenge."

I looked up and saw Anne's brown eyes bright with mirth. This encounter had to be the best entertainment she'd seen in months.

"I'm pretty certain the soup isn't chocolate." I loftily added as I reached for my wine glass. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Only if you can handle the genetic throwback next to your spoons." L coolly answered and took in the eyes of everyone else at the table. "Er, good evening, everyone."

A chorus of unsure, surprised voices returned his greeting; Anne's being the most enthusiastic.

"L! It's good to see you back with us. I heard Grace and you had an interesting conversation earlier. Could you clear something up for me? I've been dying to know."

I gawked at her in disbelief and Andrew perked up at the mention of me paired with any other male. "Oh yes, this must be about that ring L had, correct?"

Anne's eyes grew the size of saucers. "L had a  _ring?!"_ she squealed, pounding her hands down on the table in excitement. "Gracie! You didn't tell me  _that!"_

My foot shot out swiftly under the table to kick her and ended up contacting with Fritz's shin instead.

"Yipe!" he cried out, glaring at Andrew. Anne was still grinning at L who shifted uneasily in his seat.

"I have to say, this is great news." She continued gushing. "I'm sure the ring is beautiful."

"Yes, it was found on one of his digs, it had belonged to a princess." Andrew helpfully supplied, completely unaware that I kept sinking lower in my chair.

Anne couldn't have been more thrilled if Picasso had materialized in Winchester at that very moment. "Well! I need to see this thing! G, why aren't you wearing it?"

"Anne," I begged as the entire table directed their eyes to me. "There is no ri—"

L leaned forward in his chair, commanding the table's attention. "I have the ring on loan, of course. I couldn't keep such a priceless artifact when the world should be admiring it. Grace did try it on, it became her very well, but it's going to be transported to London tomorrow. At this moment, it is safely locked away."

I stared at him in astonishment while the others oohed and aahed over the revelation. He shifted his black eyes over to mine for a moment and I swore they twinkled. He was actually enjoying this!

"I completely understand, I'm an artist after all." Anne replied easily, tearing off a piece of her dinner roll and deftly slipping it under her plate. "But will you be giving her one to keep?"

Anne Walters, did you seriously want to kill me? I could tell Andrew's affable demeanor had changed dramatically when I heard him huffing in indignation on my right.

"Why would he do that?" he demanded, giving the two of us a cold look. "Grace doesn't care for jewelry."

"I know for a fact that she does." L answered him, calmly. "Perhaps she doesn't like gifts given to curry favor from those she merely tolerates."

Andrew stood up abruptly from the table. "Now see here!"

"Attention, may I have everyone's attention please!"

Embarrassed beyond belief, I tugged on Andrew's arm for him to sit back down. L still waited for the lord's outburst but turned in his chair when Roger stood up from the other end of the table with his wine glass raised. Andrew grumbled but sat back down, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

The kind older man who had helped run Wammy's since its foundation allowed for everyone to quiet before he spoke again. "We all gathered here to welcome L home from his latest endeavor. We are thankful he is safe and sound and also bless his success in his mission. It will warm Quil's heart that all of his children are together again under the same roof when he arrives from London shortly. I ask all of you to please hoist a glass as we raise a toast to L. Please stand, children."

There was a sound of chairs scraping back across the hardwood floor as the members of the three tables stood up and lifted their cups of milk, glasses of wine and mugs of tea toward the hero of Wammy's House, the person they didn't really know but still admired. Everyone save for Lord Andrew Hargrove that is who glared petulantly at the man of the hour.

L stayed seated and took in all of the others silently as Roger continued. "To L, may he come home again to welcomes like this for many years to come! To L!"

"To L!" The assembled chorused and clinked their glasses together. Ella laughed as a little milk spilled out of the glass she clinked with Mello. Anne clinked glasses with me and gave an apologetic smile. I sighed and gave her a forgiving one in return. I turned to my left and cleared my throat. "Ahem!"

L looked up to see me holding my glass at the ready and carefully picked up his tea cup with his thumb and forefinger and tapped it gently against my wine flute. I couldn't help being pleased. "Let's hope your next dig is even more fruitful." I teased as we all took our seats.

"I don't honestly see how it could be better than this." He returned, taking a sip from his cup.

Mrs. C burst into the room followed by Ivan, one of the assistant cooks, pushing a cart with a massive steaming cauldron sitting on top. Everyone stopped talking when she thickly cleared her throat.

"The first course shall be potato and leek soup and I expect all of you to enjoy it thoroughly." She cast her beady gaze on the main table especially. "And I mean  _thoroughly_."

Ivan began ladling the contents of the cauldron into the soup plates and I heard Roger at the end of the table say. "Only a little for me, thanks, good chap."

"A dare's a dare." I reminded L as the soup came closer.

"Not to worry, I hate to lose." He answered, then noticed Andrew still staring him down. "Can I help you?"

Andrew opened his mouth and then promptly shut it again. He waited another moment before turning to me. "Grace, did you truly accept a ring from this boy?"

I was nipping this in the bud once and for all. It didn't matter that I would happily lose Andrew's attentions if it meant that everyone thought I preferred L's. That would be even worse. "Of course not, don't be daft."

"Not yet she means." L ruined the peace as he watched Ivan pour the pungent soup in his bowl with abhorrence.

"Awesome!" Anne reacted as she placed her spoon back in her bowl without taking a taste.

I clattered my spoon back to the table and shot L a warning look. He ignored it as he gingerly positioned his spoon on the soup's milky surface. "Grace asked for more time, I'm willing to accept that if it means she and I will be eternally happy someday."

I jabbed him in his side furiously as Andrew gasped and clutched his heart. "Enough. Leave him alone." I hissed through my teeth.

"My apologies, but I'm just getting started."

Andrew ran his napkin over his agape mouth and then stood up. "Grace, a word. Please." He implored, turning redder by the minute.

I groaned but stood up from my uneaten portion and excused myself. Anne watched me go sympathetically as I followed Andrew out of the dining hall and walked with him to the front foyer where he whirled on me distressed. "Grace, I really don't know what to make of this. Did that  _L_  person propose marriage to you or not?"

I ran a hand through the ends of my curls and thought how best to answer that question. "Er, literally yes, meaningfully, no."

He was lost. "Come  _again?!"_

I dropped my hands to my sides. "He didn't mean it. I think it was a joke and of course I didn't accept, all right?"

"Good." Andrew was definitely relieved as he wiped his brow. "To think you'd accept that revolting creature over me is simply absurd!"

My heart sank into the pit of my stomach and before I knew it, I went off. "Andrew, please. He is  _not_ a revolting creature. He is a human being with feelings and as much importance as you!"

The handsome lord scoffed. "My Grace, that strange reject could  _never_  be as important as me."

"Stop calling me your Grace." I warned him, my tone even as my eyes flashed fire. "I'm no one's Grace."

He chuckled a little and crossed the floor to me. "What do you want me to call you, my dear? That's your name, isn't it? You don't just go by a letter like that fool."

What little he knew. I stepped back from him, fuming. "Enough! I can't believe you're saying these things! Aren't you nobles supposed to have impeccable manners or is that only when you're pestering a woman into finding you appealing?!"

Andrew gawked at me as I finished my rant and it took him a few minutes to find his voice. In the meantime I glared at him, seething.

"Is that what you think? You see me in that light? Then why may I ask, have you always accepted my attentions? Why didn't you give me the push?"

Guilt overrode my fury. "Andrew…"

"No, I think I know why. You're keeping me around so that you won't end up alone. Who else are you going to meet when you're a bloody recluse? Appears to me that you and that freak of nature are made for each other! You shouldn't turn him down, he may be the only offer you ever receive!"

The pain of his words couldn't match my anger. "Very well! I'm positive I'd be happier with him than ever with you!"

He pointed a shaking finger at me as he stomped to the front doors. "I do hope you don't regret those words. Good evening, don't expect me to be calling here any longer!"

"I hope you hold to that threat!"

Andrew slammed the door behind him and I dazedly sat down on the bottom step of the grand staircase trying to make sense of what had just happened. Andrew had insulted L and I had defended him. He had accused me of keeping him around just in case no one else came along and then called me a recluse. He was right there, but not of my own choosing. I wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my head into my knees. I was going to be in this place forever, and I had just pushed out the only man who could offer me escape. He seemed more wonderful by the moment now that he was gone.

"G?"

I shivered at the sound of L's voice. I hoped he hadn't heard our fiery exchange. I didn't know how I'd live it down.

I lifted my head up and saw him coming slowly from the hallway into the foyer. "Why did you say all that?" I snapped. "Now he's furious and never coming back!"

L shrugged and ambled over to sit beside me. I shifted further away from him and still glared at the doors. "That shouldn't bother you. You said yourself that you didn't want him. Why are you upset that he finally sees that? You should be glad!"

"Do you truly not understand? Because his feelings are hurt and Andrew doesn't deserve that even though he says stupid things from time to time."

L scratched his head. "You never seemed to care if you hurt  _my_ feelings."

"That's because I doubted you had them."

L laughed. "I ate some of the soup. You weren't clear on amounts so I had a spoonful. It was terrible. Needed sugar."

"That's horrid. I hope you didn't start sprinkling some in while Mrs. C was standing over your shoulder. You'd give the woman a coronary."

"No, I took it like a man." He grew quiet for a few moments. "I'm sorry he called you a bloody recluse who won't get any other offers. He wouldn't say that if he knew the truth."

Damn, he had heard. "Yeah, well he wouldn't say cruel things about you if he knew the truth either."

"No, he just stated observations on my appearance. He'd stick by them regardless of who I was."

We sat in silence as the chatter from the dining room picked up volume. My eyes fell upon the stained glass bordering of the front doors and as I followed the painted ivy creeping up past the doorjamb, I felt something brush against my cheek and nearly jumped out of my skin.

"What are you doing?!" I cried, panicked as I realized L's fingers were now touching my hair. "Get off!"

L's eyes were focused to the left of me and he didn't listen. "Hold still. It's tangled." He ordered, determined. A second later, he removed the pen I had slipped behind my ear earlier and held it up for me to see.

"Not exactly dinner attire." He joked, holding it delicately at its tip. I colored, and relaxed. I had been way too occupied with his words and actions to care how I had looked for dinner.

"Classy." I added, taking it back from him and slipping it into my skirt pocket. "I'm quite the prize."

"Indeed. Even  _I_ brushed my hair tonight."

"I noticed. Don't let's get started on grooming. Your one attempt at taming that mop could never compete with the years of neglect it has suffered."

"Very well, back to me winning the bet," L yanked the napkin out of his collar. "What do I win?"

"Never having to see Andrew again, I suppose." I sighed. "How do I know you ate the soup anyway? I wasn't in there."

"I had witnesses. Everyone couldn't help but watch."

That was likely true. "I see." I extended my legs, and thought about how to pose my next question. "L?"

"Yes?"

"I've been trying to find this out all day but you keep turning the conversation around. Why are you being so friendly to me? Is it because of the New York row?"

L bit his bottom lip. "Perhaps, in some capacity."

"That was months ago, though." I reminded him.

"You are still peeved about it, so why can't I still feel remorseful?"

"Oh," I answered surprised. It was silly for me to continually be astonished when L was expressing emotion. Hadn't I just said to that fop Andrew that L had the same feelings as anyone? "I-I think I was hurt because you dismissed the idea so readily. I know I would have been valuable to the case, and I would have adored to have seen Manhattan at the same time. Couple that with the fact that we don't get on made the entire situation infuriating."

"I know." He replied thoughtfully. "I came to those same conclusions while I was gone. The truth is, G, I don't wish for things to be that way anymore. Life's too short as they say and it's tedious. I've lived here most of my life and yet can I call it home? Can I call anyone besides Watari my family? Watching everyone giving that toast in my honor was surreal. I mean, none of these people even know my real name!"

I was captivated. "I didn't even know you had one!"

He gave me an incredulous look. "Really, Grace. Everyone has a name. You thought I was born simply as "L."?"

My sheepish expression proved that I had.

L dropped his head into his hand as he laughed harder. "Who names a newborn "L"? I ask you!"

"Allow me to explain," I pleaded, feeling more and more a fool. "I assumed that perhaps your true name was pinned to your blanket when you were left on some convent doorstep and it got separated from you, save for the first letter of it. So the sisters or what have you called you L, because that was all they had." It sounded inane when I heard it out loud, nonetheless I defended it. "It's possible."

He snorted derisively. "Heh heh. No, it's  _not."_

"Fine, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here who thinks that."

"And this is a home for the gifted," L shook his head. "A pity."

"Well, then what is your real name? If you want all of us to know you better, shouldn't you disclose that piece of information?"

His amused expression changed immediately back to the flat, blank one I had known for so long. "I can't tell you that. No one knows that. My safety could be at stake."

I was offended. "You don't trust us."

"No."

His cold response went right through me and I sensed the barriers were back in position. I smoothed my skirt and stood up from the step. "I see."

"Listen, only Watari knows it. If you have any other questions, I'll do my best to answer them, but I can't divulge my name." he explained, his voice growing less sharp. "You should know what's it's like to keep secrets, Grace. What about your father still being alive?"

A scream was strangled in my throat as I whipped my head around toward the stairs, and hallways praying that no one else had heard. "How in God's name do you know  _that?_ " I hissed, feeling incredibly vulnerable and ill. "No one is supposed to know that but Wammy! Good Lord, he didn't  _tell_ you, did he?!"

L violently shook his head. "No, he didn't. Come sit, you're going to faint."

I hung onto the banister as another wave of dizziness unsteadied me. "No, first tell me how you know that the vile man who produced me is living. And none of that "I'm the bloody world's greatest detective" rubbish. Tell me!"

L was on his feet now, looking flustered. "There was a case, a few years back. A copycat killer, he was following in Reginald Huxley's footsteps, before the…erm…massacre, when he was acting like a misguided vigilante. Watari went to meet with the man in isolated confinement and I was on a live feed on his laptop. I had to speak to Huxley himself. You, you look like him, Grace. Same reddish curls, piercing blue eyes, the exact shape of the nose and the way he spoke, his obstinacy, his far–reaching intelligence, despite the fact that he had a short spell of raving madness during the meeting. I knew you were his before he made any mention of it."

I doubled over, grabbing my stomach, as my mind raced. "He's not supposed to know where I am. I'm going to be sick…"

"He doesn't know you're here! I didn't tell him that, but when we spoke, in his rambling he brought up that he had a child, he believed she was still a baby, he didn't say anything else. He helped me find the new killer. I had to seek him out. Grace!" he leapt forward and threw his arms roughly around me. "Stop being stubborn and sit down before you pass out!"

He pulled me back over to the stairs and remained supporting me as he set me back down beside him. I leaned into his shoulder, on the verge of sobs.

"He's disgusting, he's sick in the head, he murdered all of those people, and wasn't caught. Not until he went on that rampage and killed my grandfather, and my poor blessed mother- he slaughtered her like she was nothing. The people who worked for us… I can't even think about it. He would have killed me too, don't ever think he wouldn't have done if I hadn't been out of the house. I don't want to be  _anything_  like him. I don't want to look like him, I don't want to act like him. He's horrible. He's not even human!"

"I know. That's why he's in prison."

I wiped my eyes of tears and took in his sorrowful gaze. "You can't tell anyone. If they knew, they'd think I was capable of the same impulses. They'd lock me up!"

"They wouldn't."

"You can't tell!"

"I haven't said a word for four years."

I placed my head back down on his shoulder, not knowing what else to do. In that moment, sharing the awful truth like we were, I felt closer to L than ever before. "I wish every day I didn't know who my father was. You're blessed, L, not knowing where you come from."

"You didn't just come from him. You come from good, decent people."

"You know that as well?" I asked weakly. This was too much. Only Wammy and I knew that we shared blood. He was a second cousin of my grandfather and he had taken me in after my mother and his untimely deaths, deciding that a life secluded at his home would be better than one having to live with the stigma the landmark crime had caused. Everyone else was supposed to think that I was a foundling, like the rest of them. Now L too was in on our secret.

"Yes. Watari was very strong that day he had to meet Huxley face to face. I only questioned him about it afterwards. He told me that was why he's so protective of you."

"And apparently you've followed in his stead."

"Yes, I have."

I wasn't as irritated by him admitting that as I thought I'd be. It was kind of nice to know it wasn't just superiority or dislike that had been his reasons for holding me back. "I wasn't born Grace, I don't know if you know that." I confessed, as my stomach slowed in its churning. I still couldn't believe this was happening. Annie didn't even know that about me.

L still left his arms gingerly around me. "No, I didn't know that. I guess we both have our secrets."

"Well don't expect me to tell you my name if you won't tell me yours."

"I don't expect you to."

"Good." I bit the inside of my lip as his arms readjusted slightly. "Do you look at me differently because my father is a killer?"

"Why should I? Are  _you_ a killer?"

My voice came out meek and soft. "No."

"Well, there you are then."

I had so many more questions filling my head that I never thought I'd ask anyone about my past. Especially not L, but before the next one could rise to the surface, the front doors opened and Wammy strode in, wearing his dark trench coat and calling back to someone still outside. "There you are, son! We'll get some food in you first and foremost!" He stopped short when he saw L and me on the stairs.

"I say!" he marveled, a smile showing from under his white mustache. "Things have certainly changed here!"

Instantly, I broke apart from L's hold and hurried to greet Wammy before he could say another word. "Sir, it's so wonderful to see you back." I reached up on tip toe to kiss his scruffy cheek. "L told me you've brought us home a new child. We've made the preparations."

"Good! Jolly good!" He embraced me and shook L's hand after he got up and reached him. "Everything went well, L. I'm home earlier than I expected."

"I see that, Watari. Is this the new one?"

"Yes," Wammy stepped aside as a boy in his early teens trudged into the house, his sharp features wearing a scowl that was only matched by the feral fierceness in his green eyes. "Grace, L, I want you to meet Jude Caul. Jude, these two will be talking with you tonight."

"How do you do," I extended my hand warmly but retracted it when I didn't see him move a muscle. He pulled down the hood of his sweatshirt and shook out his longish hair dyed a bright blue. It hung in his eyes as he gave the house, L and me a cursory glance.

"Where's the food?"

"Oh, it's in here. Just follow me." I refused to be deterred by his predictable teenage attitude, and led the way to the dining room. I paused at the doorway, holding in a laugh. The dining room, save for a completely brassed off Mrs. C, was empty. Everyone had made their excuses and slipped out the back in record time.

"I hope you're hungry, there's sure to be a lot."

Jude wrinkled his nose as he sat down at the abandoned head table. "Something smells."

Mrs. Coppersmith eyed Jude and headed off toward the kitchens yelling for Ivan to bring out the main course. L bent his head down to our newest member.

"That's called supper. Eat up. We've got a long night ahead of us."

"What about you?"

"Oh, I've already ate." L answered and met my eyes above Jude's azure head. He winked and I hid my smile.

He wouldn't know it. Hell, he probably did, but I had already come to the conclusion that having L as a friend wouldn't be as horrible as previously thought. Until he annoyed and incensed me again that is, which knowing him wouldn't take long.

.


	6. Testing

**Chapter 6. Testing**

Forty minutes later, Mrs. C was gleefully heaping more mashed potatoes on Jude's plate while L and I sat slumped in our chairs wondering where he was putting it all.

"You eat as much as you want, darlin'!" she cooed, pouring gravy over the monstrous mass of potatoes and chicken. "I'm glad that  _you_  appreciate a home cooked meal."

Her cold look and word emphasis weren't lost on me as she hurried off to the kitchens, humming. I yawned and lifted my head from my arms. "You don't need to eat all of that, you know."

Jude, already half-finished the plate, frowned. "Why not? I want to."

"You shouldn't talk with your mouth full." L reprimanded him as he pierced a sugar cube with a toothpick and slid it into his mouth with his teeth. "It's not polite."

I wrinkled my nose. "Look who's talking."

Jude lifted his green eyes from his plate for the first time since we had sat down and sighed. "You lot can go off elsewhere until I'm finished. I'm not rushing for anyone."

Exasperated, I checked the time on the large clock that hung behind the child beginning to grate my patience. "It's half nine, you have fifteen minutes. Did they not feed you today?"

Jude rolled his eyes and dug back into his fourth helping. Well at least Mrs. C had taken a shine to him, I doubted anyone else would.

After watching Jude devour the first plate of food set in front of him, Wammy had chuckled and said that he was all ours and that we could find him in his office after we ended our meeting with Jude. I think even he had had enough of the willful teenager for the day.

"Ah, and just as you're finishing up, I have a surprise!"

The three of us turned to see Mrs. C marching back into the room, a large tray with a silver cover balanced carefully in her practiced hands.

Jude perked up a little as she proudly set the tray down in front of us and removed the cover with a flourish. L let out an audible moan of longing.

A dark chocolate cake dripping with icing and festooned in spun sugar flowers, birds, and ribbons was centered on a white doily. At its base were silver bowls of vanilla ice cream with sliced strawberries resting on top of fluffy mounds of whipped cream. The entire confection was coated in powdered sugar. I smiled, realizing Mrs. C had finally taken my suggestions to heart and given L something he really wanted for a change. She was going to make his year.

"There!" she announced triumphantly, wearing a rare grin. "Alice and I worked on this one for the majority of the day!"

"Oh my..." I whispered, my mouth watering for a taste of the icing. I knew it would be the singular best dessert I'd ever had as soon as it passed my lips, and that time couldn't come fast enough.

"Mrs. Coppersmith, dare I say it, but I love you." L muttered, his large eyes glued to the ambrosia in front of him. "This is perfect, unbelievable…I don't know quite what to say…"

"Don't bother to thank me," she sniffed, curtly. "Because this little love here is the only one who deserves any."

"WHAT?!" L and I cried out, outraged. "That's not fair!"

That devilish woman tried to silence us with one of her threatening glares. "You two on the same side? That's new! It is  _completely_  fair and don't be playing any of your nonsense mind games on me! I watched the pair of you simply bicker bicker bicker while the delicious soup in front of you turned cold earlier on and neither of you ate a single bite!"

I turned slowly to see L's guilty eyes meet mine for a second before they focused back on his imprisoned prize. "You liar!" I exclaimed, while Mrs. C maintained her icy glare.

"I never admitted I play fair," L stated his case, standing up from the table. "Now, madam, be reasonable."

"Ha! That's rich!" she snorted, placing a meaty hand on the back of Jude's chair, "Save all your psychological mumbo jumbo, boy. No one only gets to have pudding for supper! Not even you!"

L started actually to shake with anger. I thought for a moment I'd have to restrain him.

"You have no right to deprive nourishment from the residents of this house!" He barked. "I'm certain your employer would have quite a lot to say about this!"

"Going to go tattle?" I couldn't resist teasing and I was rewarded with a look that could have frozen over hell. I sobered fast and took up his cause. "Mrs. C, really. Tonight was L's welcome home supper. I do think he deserves to enjoy the cake made in his honor." And to share it with his diplomat of course.

She sniffed and pushed the plate closer to Jude. "All right, you can both have some  _after_  dear Jude has had his fill."

"Lord." I smacked my forehead and groaned. "That's the same as having none for pity's sake. You've seen the way he eats!"

Mrs. C ignored my grumbling and cast a sickly simpering smile down on Jude as she cut him a thick slice. "There you are, love. Tuck in, now."

Jude pulled a face and crossed his arms, sitting back from the table. "Yuck, no."

Well, I  _had_ thought Jude Caul had found a friend in the crotchety housekeeper currently torturing L worse than any criminal mastermind could dare dream, but once again today my deduction was wrong.

"What do you  _mean_ "Yuck, no?!" she bellowed, wielding a knife a little too close to the child than was safe. "Are you saying you don't want any?"

He pushed back his chair and stood, eyeing the knife. "That's exactly what I mean. I don't like…sweet things."

I quietly pulled the cake back towards myself and L while Mrs. C proceeded to give Jude his first verbal berating.

L passed me a fork. "Interesting new kid, I must say."

"She's going to eat him alive." I commented as I finally took my first bite. Ah bliss.

"Well, you can't say he didn't ask for it."

"True. He'll learn."

* * *

 

Ten minutes later with the dessert practically demolished and Jude's ears still ringing from Mrs. C's tongue lashing, we made our way to the site of Jude's test. L led the group, loping down past the conservatory and stopping in front of a tightly locked tall red door in an alcove to the left of the music room. I joined him, remembering the first time Wammy had brought me to this door and informed me that passing through its threshold would mark my first step towards becoming a brilliant detective. It was a bit too soon to be telling Jude the same thing.

L fished the old fashioned metal key out of his back pocket and unlocked the door, pushing it open and jerking his head slightly. "G, you know the way. Ladies first."

"I do indeed." I turned to see Jude now leaning against the wall looking bothered. Not scared, not nervous, merely bothered. I'd never seen anything like it. He didn't betray the littlest amount of fear for his life being completely turned upside down and even for a fourteen year old, that was bizarre. I knew from my work with L earlier in the day that Jude had not been treated well at St. Sebastian's, partly because of his rumored abilities and the other part due to, quite expectedly after meeting him, his unchristian like attitude. "Well, come on then." I beckoned him towards the stone staircase that wound its way far below Wammy's House. "Play time's over."

He didn't budge. "What happens if I don't?"

I bridled in indignation, and L spoke up before I could take in a breath. "That wouldn't be very wise. Grace may look delicate but she can rattle the rafters just as much as that woman you just had a lovely conversation with can. Believe me, I know."

I didn't know whether to be annoyed or thankful about that remark but as Jude removed himself from the wall and plodded toward me I chose to disregard it. "This can be quick and painless or drawn out and excruciating. You don't have a choice in the matter and I do so let's be off." I passed through the door, flicking back my hair over my shoulder and overheard L whisper to Jude as they followed.

"See? That's what I was referring to. You don't want to cross her."

I stopped with my hand on the metal railing as I turned to see the both of them still bathed in the light of the hallway. "Funny, you're only learning that after twenty years, L. Come on. As much as I adore the company of the both of you, I don't want this to go on all night."

"Right."

The winding staircase was dimly lit by lights recessed into the walls and smelled musty and exciting. So many glories had happened below my feet. The Liverpool terrorist situation had been controlled from this underground room, I hadn't stepped foot out of Wammy's House and still had saved lives. The famous battle of the three detectives had been completed within these walls when L was twenty-one, granting him two new aliases and the forced retirement of two of his aging rivals at the same time. The room held many memories and now it was going to be used in a way it had never been before. As a testing ground.

Once I reached the foot of the stairs, I ran my hand along the cool wall till my fingers came in contact with the light switch. I pressed it, and the shadowy basement headquarters came into view. A heavy red velvet curtain ran across the width of one wall and in front of it sat a wooden desk and a burgundy armchair both showing signs of wear. Filing cabinets of assorted sizes lined the room and above each were stacks of video tapes neatly arranged first alphabetically and then by year. In some cases, the tapes were almost touching the ceiling. I smiled as I took in the familiar room. Nothing could get my blood going more than the sight of it.

Jude glared around at the stone walls annoyed, not reveling in the wonderfulness of our headquarters. "What is this place, your dungeon?" he sneered, crossing his arms.

"If you like." L answered flatly, crossing to the other side of the room to start drawing the curtain from one side of the wall to the other. "Although unlike the abbey catacombs you frequented, we don't use this place for punishment."

Jude didn't care for L, I could easily see that. He disliked me too, and I didn't need Ella around to inform me that the last thing this kid wanted was two twenty-somethings telling him what to do. Nonetheless, that was how it was going to be. The warm voice I normally used to soothe frightened orphans new to our home hadn't worked since my "how do you do" earlier so I started talking to him like he was, well, L.

"You have been brought down here for a test." I announced as L revealed the five television screens behind the curtain. He pressed a button at the end of the line and the sets came to life, brightening to each display a different man's face. "They claim you are the best. We want you to prove it."

"Why?" Jude sulked, glowering at the screens. "So you can add me to your school for "gifted youngsters" if I'm right?"

"No," L answered, joining me by the wall. "So we can know what we're dealing with. If you fail at this test on purpose, we'll know. If you pass it legitimately, we'll know. Either way this is your home now and Grace and I want to see if you are better than us."

Jude was quiet then. "What am I supposed to know?"

I stepped forward. "One of these men broke into the home of Mrs. Gemma Bright, a seventy-two year old pensioner from Surrey in the early hours of Tuesday and stabbed her in her bed. We want you to tell us which man it was."

Jude rolled his eyes but started observing the awkward gestures and defiant glares coming from the television screens. The men didn't know they were being filmed and instead believed they were waiting in an interrogation room to speak with the detective inspector. "I can't talk to them or see some sort of questioning video or  _anything?_ "

"Why, we didn't think you'd need that, but if you fail this round, it can be arranged." L answered coolly.

We waited a few minutes while the boy studied each of their faces. I shivered a little from the minor chill and wrapped my arms around myself. L noticed.

"Cold?" he mouthed, raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged and focused back on Jude. He was so damn attentive today.

Jude finally turned to face us looking irritated. "So this was a trick, wasn't it?"

"How so?"

He pointed at the screens. "Two, Five and Three are all guilty of this crime. Two was the main perpetrator and five and three were his accomplices. You really should have made your question clearer."

I was floored. Even with my deceiving wording, Jude Call had passed our test with top marks. L appeared a little less surprised.

"That is correct," he agreed, seeming ever so intimidating in his professional light as he approached Jude with his hands behind his back. "But can you tell us  _why_ they killed this woman?"

"L!" I cried out in disbelief. "What are you doing?!" This hadn't been part of our plan.

His eyes met mine evenly. "Let's see if he can answer it."

Jude watched our exchange and then shrugged. "He knew her. He saw her waiting for the bus every morning, paying for her fruit and veg at the street market and toddling home early every night to read and watch telly alone." His cold eyes met mine. "He killed her because he knew she wouldn't be missed."

My knees buckled beneath me as I stared at him in shock. This hadn't been expected. This brat could actually read minds? "What  _are_ you?" I whispered, feeling sick in the pit of my stomach.

"Someone you don't want around this place, if you want your secrets safe."

I was scared, I didn't want to admit it, but I had dealt with apathy before and this was nothing like I had experienced. Even B when he lived here hadn't frightened me with his ominous forecasts of people's deaths the way Jude had. L wasn't fazed and clamped a firm hand on the boy's shoulder.

"You  _are_  going to be living here, Jude, and I won't have you making threats against the others that do. It's evident that you can read minds or can at least profile people but using that ability to hurt or scare others will not be tolerated. Do you understand me?" I had never heard L's voice so fierce and part of me was glad it wasn't directed toward me.

Jude's expression immediately became less aggressive and he dropped his eyes. "Yeah, whatever."

"All right then." L released him as I went to switch off the televisions. "Now that that unpleasantness is out of the way, you are to be congratulated."

I found my voice. "Absolutely. You passed. We know a bit more what we're dealing with. With the right training, you could truly be great."

Jude didn't seem thrilled as he stared down at his trainers. "For what?"

"Didn't Mr. Wammy tell you? L and I are detectives. Now that you live here, you are privileged to know that the famous L and this L are one and the same. We needed to see your ability to determine whether you could be like us someday." I was surprised that Wammy hadn't informed him of this. What else could they have possibly talked about on the car ride back from London? The weather?

Jude produced the same face he had when Mrs. C had offered him the cake. "Um, no. I already told the old geezer. I'm not doing that. Thanks but no thanks."

" _What_?!" The word came out my mouth like Jude had just turned the air blue by uttering a dirty word. In a way he had.

Jude straightened his shoulders and made his way for the stairs. "I said I don't want to be a detective, and that's the end of it. Are we finished now?"

L and I stared at each other shocked as Jude waited impatiently at the foot of the steps. Ever since we were children we knew that helping the police solve crimes was one of the most honorable things a gifted person could do. Why on earth would Jude dismiss it like it was repulsive to him?

L gathered himself before I could and went to pull the curtain back across the screens. "Very well, Jude. We'll take you to Mr. Wammy now, but we will definitely have to talk about that statement at a later date."

"Fine, brill whatever." Jude rolled his eyes and started stomping up the stairs. "But don't expect to change my mind!"

L turned out the light as we heard Jude push open the door above our heads and slam it shut. "I certainly think we should have been privy to this information before rearranging our entire day to come up with this test." I muttered as I started to ascend, feeling like stamping my feet too. "Like we didn't have better things to do."

"I don't know," L answered softly as we arrived at the door. "I didn't mind it."

I suddenly felt warmer as I fumbled with the doorknob to let us out. Perhaps Jude wasn't the only one who could read minds.

* * *

 

Wammy was reading the newspaper at his desk when we walked in with Jude several minutes later. It was always the  _Times._

"Ah! Well, lad, how did you do?" he greeted, setting the perfectly creased paper down in front of him and folding his hands.

Jude jerked a thumb at the two of us. "They said I passed."

Wammy's eyes crinkled in delight. "Marvelous! Now, Jude, I'm sure you are tired after these two kept you for so long. Would you care to get settled in your room now?"

Jude shrugged and Wammy got up from his chair to show him the way.

"Grace, L, I should be back shortly, if you care to talk." He eyed us again with a knowing air. "I do feel we have much to discuss."

"Er, yes sir."

Wammy then took Jude off to his room and I collapsed wearily into a chair letting out a loud groan.

"Long day I suppose." L noted, grabbing a handful of jellybeans from the crystal bowl on Wammy's desk.

I gave him a hard look. "I don't want anything to do with that demon spawn and yet he's going to be my problem. Yeah, I'd call that a bloody long day."

L popped a few in his mouth and chewed while answering. "Why will he be your problem?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer."

"No, really. Can't you just keep away from him if he bothers you so?"

"Not likely, I have to instruct and look after  _all_ of the kids, remember? That's what I do while you go off and have adventures saving the world and whatnot."

L smirked to himself as he picked up the bowl. "You really hate when I leave don't you?"

I sat up in my chair, my cheeks starting to burn. "I didn't say that! You just won't have to deal with him and the way he's going to terrify half the people that live here! You heard him, "Someone you don't want around this place". He frightened even  _me_  with that one!"

"Oh, I suppose you didn't you hear? I'm planning to remain here for a while."

I didn't know what to make of the relief I felt at that statement. L wasn't leaving again?

I relaxed. "Why? Is there a drought in unsolved cases?"

"No," he actually tipped the contents of the bowl in his waiting mouth while I cringed. I couldn't even imagine the amount of sugar this man consumed hourly. We had just torn through an enormous chocolate cake! He took a minute to chew the wad of jellybeans in his jaw and then swallowed. "I'm taking what you would call a holiday. You were right when you said I've been working since I was young. In all that time I haven't really relaxed at all. So I decided I wanted to take some time off and see if it's so bad staying here as you claim it is."

"Oh, I see." L was going to be around for more than a few days. I wondered if both of us would survive in the interim. "Who will be taking over for you, then?"

"Well, not you." He winked as I gave him a dirty look. "It isn't like we're swapping places."

"Good, because if we were, I'd love to see how you would try to keep all of the kids in order. You'd be begging to switch back after an hour." The image of even five of the younger kids bombarding L brought a smile to my face. He'd be so out of his element.

L gave me a shaky grin. "You think so? Well I suppose we'll see. After all, I'm going to take Jude under my wing. I'll tell Wammy you were unsettled by him and to leave him to me."

Surprised, my eyes widened. "Really? Why would you do that?" I almost wanted to throw my arms around him but obviously restrained myself.

"Well, even on holiday I'll work a little. It's my nature."

Being in L's debt was definitely a new experience. "Err, well, thank you, and earlier, when you told him not to scare everyone? I appreciated that as well. I don't know if he'll heed your warning, but nonetheless…I'm glad you felt like making the effort."

L's good natured expression inexplicably fell and he set the bowl down on the desk, turning away from me.

"What?" I asked, confused. It wasn't the reaction I expected to my gratitude.

He raised his head, now taking in the old photograph of the first class. "I can be a good person, G. You always act like that is impossible, but it isn't. I don't just do good deeds because I feel like it, you know."

I sucked in my breath and suddenly wanted to leave the room. The atmosphere had changed so swiftly from being teasing to horribly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry." I admitted, standing up and keeping my distance. We'd had a little too much physical contact today for me to wrap my head around without encouraging more. "I'm sorry that I doubt you. It's just, we don't get on, you know? I  _do_ think you're a good person, the assistance you lend to the police and the governments of the world proves that a hundred fold. Your sense of justice is clear. You're also kind the children and encourage them in their efforts. That unquestionably shows your merit."

L's eyes were still focused on the picture of the teary little girl and the dull eyed boy side by side. " _Why_ don't we get on, Grace?" he said it so quietly I barely heard him.

I twisted one hand in the other. "L, this isn't some new occurrence. We've  _never_ got on. This whole having a conversation without yelling bit has never happened before today. If Anne and I are like chips and vinegar, we're like oil and water. It's just the way things are."

He cleared his throat, but didn't move a muscle. "It's never too late to change that, don't you think?"

I flushed. "Well, I suppose we could improve upon the truce, if that's what you want. I wouldn't be against the idea."

He finally turned and my heart jumped at the sight of the heartrending look in his dark eyes. "Good. I'd like that. It'd be nice to have a friend."

"Oh," I was entranced by his words, his face, even the moment. Last night at this time, would I have ever expected that I would be agreeing to be L's friend when I usually counted the days until he left again? If he was my friend, how would I feel when he  _did_ leave again? It was getting too late in the evening to be having all of these thoughts, especially when I was finding it difficult to form coherent sentences.

"After all," the sad gaze fled as he smirked. "If you're going to accept my proposal, you should like me first. Close quarters and all that."

Never mind, I sighed, as I flounced back to my chair and tried to ignore his burgeoning laughter. I would have absolutely no problem with L leaving again. The sooner the better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That L. :) Reviews are like chocolate cake, always welcome!


	7. After Midnight

**Chapter 7. After Midnight**

Trouble sleeping that night was an understatement, with the constant tossing and turning that had left me punching my pillow in frustration and finally muttering "Enough," and turning on my bedside lamp, spilling light across my room. I sat up wide awake as my eyes adjusted to the light and tried to think of something to occupy myself with since obviously slumber wasn't coming any time soon. Unfortunately I knew why.

L. It was all because of L.

"Damn him," I muttered, kicking off my blanket and swinging my legs over the side of my bed. On top of the ridiculous amount of sugar I'd consumed since he'd been home, my mind couldn't stop replaying everything he had said since he had spied on me in the library that afternoon. Truly another man had arrived home than the one I'd avoided for years. This one actually was interested in what I said and thought, and dare I even think it, actually  _cared._ I remembered when we had talked about Huxley and he had let me cry on his shoulder, most likely uncomfortably, but nonetheless. It was a kind gesture and I couldn't get over it. The old L never caused trouble with Andrew, he may have rolled his eyes when he was around, but never aggressively angered him like he had at supper. L had lived in his own world at Wammy's. Whatever the rest of us did had no relevance to him. It was only when he'd bump into one of us that he even realized our existence. When that happened with me, we fought. It was how things were.

I stood up and pushed a handful of hair off of my face. He had said he didn't want things to be that way anymore, with him being a stranger among us. Why? What had changed? I would have to ask Wammy if L had been enlightened somehow on his last few missions. This awakening was leaving me dumbfounded.

I decided to go hunting in the library for something to read and picked up my red dressing gown that was hanging on my bedpost. I belted the robe around my waist and opened my bedroom door carefully so as not to make a sound.

The hallway was always softly lit so I had no trouble walking and thinking at the same time which was fortunate with the state of my racing mind. L wanted to be friends, why now after all this time? It wasn't like I hadn't tried in the past. Anne and I had always invited the boys to our tea parties when we were young children. Winston had always been a good sport, Fritz had been so little that we could always park him down and he'd stay where he was put, but L never stayed for longer than to steal a biscuit off a plate and go off to do something on his own. Throughout childhood he'd always been apart from the rest of us, sitting reading if we were all carrying on in our play on the lawn, never joining in even if we urged him to. After a while of constantly being turned down, we stopped asking and simply accepted the fact that he didn't want much to do with any of us. Some children were like that, I had learned to understand. Near was one of them. He really didn't want anything to do with anybody even to argue. I could certainly say that L at least liked a good row.

I stopped at one door and opened it a crack to see both Kensey and Ella fast asleep and shut it again. I had gotten to bed so late I hadn't done my rounds, so I tried to make up for it as I made my way to the library. At the next door, I heard the unmistakable sound of video game sound effects and sighed. Matt. The boy was obsessed. I considered telling him to go to sleep, but thought better of it. After all,  _I_ couldn't.

I reached the library with no incident and switched on the light by the door. I knew I wanted a novel, definitely one I'd read before because any new story would send my brain into overdrive analyzing each plot point and that was the absolute opposite of what I wanted.

I strolled to the wall of bookshelves and scanned the titles, waiting for something to catch my eye. I started to run my fingers over the bindings and abruptly drew my hand back, annoyed with myself. Please, Lord, I silently prayed, don't let me adopt L's mannerisms, especially not the unnatural way he sat on furniture. I shook my head and noticed  _The_   _Hound of the Baskervilles_ sticking out a little on the shelf at my eye level. I smiled. Some Sherlock might do nicely. Fictional detectives were easier to understand than real ones.

I removed the book from the shelf and made my way to the high backed olive green armchair by the empty fireplace. Curling up on the leather upholstery, I cracked the book open.

"Can't sleep?"

My head snapped up at the sound of his listless voice. All right, maybe Anne hadn't been too far off on the radar idea. L stood in the doorway, still dressed in his everyday clothes, watching me curiously.

I set the book down in my lap. "No, I commonly stay up reading early twentieth century literature instead of seeking my bed at almost two o'clock in the morning."

He smiled faintly. "I do hope I'm not the reason you're missing your rest, G."

"What? No! I just think I ate too much before bed." I brought the book back up to my face wishing he would leave. If this what it was going to be like the whole time he was here I'd remain holed up in my bedroom after nightfall to protect myself against such ambushes.

"Oh, that is possible. I just thought that maybe we're awake for the same reason."

I bit. "What do you mean by that?"

L walked into the room and lowered himself in the facing chair, not in the least caring if I wanted him elsewhere. "Well, you are why I can't sleep." He admitted shyly.

I blanched, then covered it up with a scoff. "Lies. You're awake because you're a known insomniac and your body isn't accustomed to the time change."

"Usually true, but not tonight."

I focused my eyes on the first page and tried to ignore him.

L was quiet for a few moments. "I'll save you the trouble and tell you how that book ends."

"I don't  _want_ you to tell me how it ends, that's the purpose of reading for enjoyment."

"But it's no fun watching you read."

I lifted my eyes. "You can always go somewhere else."

"Why? As long as you're awake we might as well talk."

I sighed loudly and set the book down again. "L, if this is what being friends with you is like, count me out."

He grinned. "Do you want to know why I can't sleep?"

"You've already said it had something to do with me. I don't need to know anymore. Really."

L pressed on regardless. "You're a mystery to me, and I want to know what your true name is."

"Forget it. I already said I'm not telling you that. Leave it be."

He brightened at the warning and leaned forward in his chair. "I didn't think you'd tell me outright, so I'm going to figure it out myself." He explained. "I bet I'll get it right."

"Sorry, it isn't Rumpelstiltskin." I stood up book in hand, the hem of my robe grazing the floor. "I'm going to bed. You should do the same."

"Why? I thought friends spent time together and neither of us are tired." He protested.

I groaned. "L, we've spent more time together today then we have in two decades. How much more do you want?"

He smiled secretly to himself and I was clueless to what that meant. "Just another quarter of an hour," he urged. "I'm not used to talking to someone when I can't sleep. Forgive me."

I relented and sat back down. "Me neither." Anne always went down for the count hours before I did.

His intrusive eyes fell back on the book I held in my fidgety hands. "It's an interesting read by the way, although I find there's no need for the many clues the author gives before revealing the solution to the case."

"For you and I maybe. The average person considers it a mystery for a reason."

He looked surprised. "Have you already read it?"

I nodded. "Yes, I first read it when I was ten."

"Why are you reading it again, then?"

"I read a lot of books more than once, it's a familiar and comforting hobby. I have to have  _something_ to occupy my time since I can't travel."

"Why are you so intent on seeing the world?" L asked then, sounding truly interested. "What do you think is out there?"

I closed my eyes as the images came to my mind. "The unknown. Beauty, different smells and languages, adventures, happiness."

His face was far too practical as my eyes reopened. "Grace, honestly, it's just hotel room after countless hotel room. Yes, I can see the Eiffel Tower when I'm in Paris, but it isn't my reason for being there. It's merely architecture."

"It should be your reason," I answered, growing passionate. "To just imagine walking on the green grass and looking up and seeing that magnificent landmark up close makes my heart want to burst. To eat in a sidewalk café and dance to a busker playing a tune, to be somewhere  _else_ —you don't know how wonderful it is that you get to do these things, L."

He looked incredibly uncomfortable and dodged my imploring look. "I don't do any of those things," he confessed. "I hate being in public. All those people, the noise, the exhaust, the pushing and shoving, I avoid it as much as possible."

I felt sorry for him then. Maybe I had been jealous for no reason. L did his duty but hated the perks. It was odd.

"Well, if I'd been able to go to New York with you," my lips turned up in a smile as I spoke. "I would have made you go see the Empire State Building and stand in the middle of Times Square at the center of everything and walk around Central Park in the snow. You should always do these sorts of things, L, they'd be such fun."

"Perhaps they would have been," he allowed. "If you had been permitted to come. But what about the muggers and the murderers that probe the streets of that city? Wouldn't you be fearful?"

I raised my shoulders and let them fall. "I wouldn't have preoccupied my mind with worrying about being attacked. I would have worked hard but it wouldn't have stopped me from enjoying myself and forcing you to have fun against your will. How often does one go to New York anyway? It's a life experience."

"Things would certainly have been different if you'd been there." He mused, nibbling on his fingernail. "I would never have gotten a lick of work done if you were dragging me about to all of the tourist spots every bleeding day."

"You would have loved it, and I don't want to hear different." I laughed a little. "Wammy loves to sightsee, he would have been pleased that he didn't have to do it by himself for once. Anyway, that's what friends do, cheer each other up when they're down and stick by their side when they're afraid."

"I'll have you know that I'm not afraid of anything," his voice was sounding haughty again as his eyes flashed fire. "Just because I don't like being out in public doesn't mean I'm scared of the outside world as a whole."

I exhaled loudly and opened my book again. "If you say so..."

"Grace, stop reading that book you've already read and talk to me. It's the ultimate insult to rather occupy yourself with an inanimate object than speak to the person in front of you." He ordered, definitely getting annoyed. Good, that made two of us.

I flicked the page. "Not when you're going to lie straight to my face and say you're not afraid of anything.  _Everyone's_ scared of something, L."

He snorted. "Not me."

"Well, fine, suit yourself. But no one is going to be able to get to know you better if you don't open up a little. And that starts with being honest." With that, I directed my gaze back down to the printed words in front of me.

A few minutes passed where only the ticking of the grandfather clock by the door was heard and I thought that possibly he had left as quietly as he had come. When I lowered my book I was surprised to see him still there, his chin resting on his hand, gazing at me intently.

I flushed and looked back down. "What is it?"

"I'm just trying to determine," he answered languidly, "what it is that you are scared of."

Phew, I thought he was going to give me another unsettling compliment. I got up on my feet and slid the book back into its crack on the shelf. There was no way I'd be able to read anymore tonight. "Why should I tell you? You're not being honest with  _me_."

"Err...please?" The word seemed foreign to him as he watched me sit back down and curl my legs up under me.

I smirked. " _Please_?"

"Yes. Perhaps if you tell me, I'll be able to find something to tell you."

"Very well." My hand gravitated towards the hair that fell loosely on my neck. A lock wound itself around my finger as my heart started to race. "It has to do with my father."

"Go on."

The roots at my scalp were starting to hurt but I still wound the hair tighter. "He's a criminally insane murderer, is he not?"

L shook his head, exasperated. "He's not going to find you here, Grace."

"No," I finally let the curl bounce back. "I know that. I'm just afraid…" Why exactly was I telling L this?

"Of what?"

I stared at the fireplace blinking back tears. "That what he has will happen to me. That I will go mad and lose everything valuable to me. My friends, my family and my mind."

"You won't."

"You have no way of knowing if that's true or not." I retorted, catching an escaping drop with the back of my wrist before it slipped down my cheek. "You can't know everything."

L actually seemed angry, which I couldn't understand. Wasn't I allowed to have fears even if he deemed them unnecessary? "You think you're going to go mad. Honestly, is this what you spend your days worrying about?"

I glared at him. "No! I teach the kids and work on cases and help Roger. It's just always pricking the back of my mind that one day I won't remember anyone's faces and my thoughts won't be my own.

"That's why when Wammy tells me I can pass on my title when I get married I know he's only saying it to comfort me. I can't marry. Let's suppose Andrew was much less irritating and far more sincere, and I agreed to marry him. How am I supposed to be protected when I'm not here anymore? If I lost my mind, I'd end up like Rochester's wife in _Jane Eyre_  locked away in the tower. My fate is to be alone and take care of the children. Wammy knows it's the best bet to keep me safe, even if I don't like it."

"My offer still stands." L brought up with a half-smile. "I could keep you safe, not that you'll need me to because you are not, Grace Deacon, and I repeat,  _not_  going to go mad. Locked up in a tower? Pfft, you are such a sensible person, why would you agonize over such an unlikely thing? It's like worrying about when you're going to die. Pointless."

I was subdued. "You're not even afraid of death, are you?"

"No, I've come to accept it, like I said. Mind you, it wasn't easy, but when you start living every day like it's your last, you appreciate existing more." He came across as an ethereal being, semi-crouched in his chair, his wild black hair a halo above his serious eyes. "I have discovered a thing I'm scared of, however."

"Do tell."

His tortured gaze pierced me with its strength. "Something happening to you."

My heart stopped. He really meant what he said, but still I dismissed it. "Making up fears is the same as lying about not having any."

"You don't believe me."

God, I did, but what did that mean? "Of course you don't want anything to happen to any of us, I was only joking." I uneasily skirted around the topic.

He appeared frustrated. "I wasn't talking about everyone, I was talking about  _you_. I don't want  _you_ to come to any harm. When I said I want to protect you, I meant it. You said that you didn't want anything to happen to me when we discussed the succession, well, I'm reciprocating that wish."

"Oh," This conversation was taking a worrying turn. When he spoke like this, it made me fear that his proposal had been real.

He continued. "So I say, as someone who is concerned for your wellbeing, that you are  _not_  going to lose your mind and even in the minutest percentage chance that you do lose some of your superior functioning someday, Watari, Anne and I would be here. That's a promise."

I was staring at him with a smile struggling onto my lips. "What are you trying to say?"

"Friends stick by each other's side when they're afraid." He quoted verbatim, standing up slowly. "I don't want you to have that silly fear. If you know people will be with you even through the very worst, you won't worry as much. Especially when your mind could be full of more interesting things to contemplate." He stretched his arms and emitted a low yawn. "The fifteen minutes are up, you're free to go. Now, the first step to a relaxing holiday is sleeping more so I'm going to give that a go. Goodnight, G. Pleasant dreams."

"Oh, um, goodnight L. You too." He left the room and closed the door behind him. I sank back in my chair worn out but contented. Twenty years of never having a decent conversation and L had ended up saying quite possibly the kindest and sweetest words I'd ever heard. Lightheaded, I stayed seated as I shut my eyes to get my bearings.

More interesting things to contemplate indeed.


	8. Games

**Chapter 8. Games**

_I strolled across a sun drenched piazza in Rome in complete euphoria. I admired the beautiful architecture of a centuries old church, listened to children shrieking with laughter as they chased pigeons and felt the warmth of a hand in mine. "Look!" I marveled, so thankful to finally be seeing these landmarks. "Isn't it all simply amazing?!"_

_"I don't know about that," the person hesitated before turning me to take in his dark eyes smoldering with desire. "I usually only reserve that term for you."_

Dear God.

"AGGHHHHH!"

My eyes flew open to see Wammy standing over me, his face alarmed. "Grace! Are you all right?!"

I stopped screaming and frightfully took in my surroundings. I had fallen asleep in the library, wonderful, and now Wammy thought I was in distress. I forced the images the twisted dream had given me out of my head and stood up quickly. "Oh yes, sir, I'm fine. I must have just dozed off last night, pay no mind to it."

Wammy gently reached for my elbow and sat me back down in the armchair. "I gathered that, dear, I'm asking why did you just wake up so terrified?"

I reddened and tried to smooth the wild mess my hair was after snoozing in a chair all night. "A bad dream, more a nightmare. But it's no matter. It's over now."

Wammy was still worried. "Your father again?" he asked carefully.

I shook my head. "No truly, sir, don't worry, I overreacted." I heard more screaming outside and jumped up with a start. "What was  _that?!"_

Wammy chuckled and set me down again. "Just the usual celebration when there's an unusually warm day. I must say, Gracie, you are truly jumpy this morning."

"I don't see why the lot of them have to scream like banshees when there's a fine day, that's all." I answered, waiting for my heartbeat to slow. "They always take it to extremes."

Wammy closed his eyes as he listened to the carrying on outside and smiled. "There won't be any lessons today. We could never keep the children at their studies when the great outdoors is beckoning so."

I stood up and stretched my back. It was going to ache like the dickens all day and that was no one's fault but my own. "It'll be races and tug of war, ring round the rosy and rugby on a day like today, I'm well aware." Anne would be thrilled with the light. She'd be painting feverishly until the sun went down.

"Correct as usual." Wammy opened his clear blue eyes and let them twinkle. "Now, Grace, while I have you here, I must ask, regarding L…"

Lord, not him! I considered the possibility of fleeing the scene but knew that would be detrimental to any dignity I had left. I raised my chin high and prepared for the worst. "Yes, sir? What about him?"

"He told me last night that he's going to look after Jude. Did you convince him of this? I truly can't see him coming up with this on his own."

I smirked before I could control it. "Neither can I, but he did and if he wants to be a martyr that's no concern of mine."

Wammy chuckled and put his hands behind his back. "L is a great many things, but I doubt he'll succeed as a child minder."

"It might do a power of good for him to fail at least once." I returned lightly, kissing his cheek and moving toward the door. "I am in desperate need of a shower, sir. May we finish this conversation about L's child rearing competency later?"

"Certainly." He agreed, pausing to watch the chaos outside the window. "We still do have much to discuss."

"Right," I knew I was coloring again and hurried into the hallway. "Till then."

The second floor was completely deserted. I turned toward the stairs, and then cautiously surveyed the other direction. My eyes even lifted to scan the ceiling. No L. Not yet anyway. It seemed everywhere I turned yesterday he had been there, asking probing questions and making comments one could construe as  _sweet_. I still felt susceptible to attack.

As I headed to my room at ease, I remembered him stating that he had planned to sleep in on his first day of holiday. I assumed that must be where he was now, storing up energy so he could pester me relentlessly. I wish I  _hadn't_ slept with what my mind had decided to torture me with when I was powerless to stop it.

Some at Wammy's said that L didn't sleep; I thought he didn't sleep  _enough_. If he never slept at all, there was no way that his brain could work at the capacity it did, although it would explain some of his outlandish behavior if it was related to sleep deprivation. I rolled my eyes and pressed on.

I settled on a pair of worn jeans and a white shirt topped with a blue and black striped cardi, clothes I wouldn't mind muddying up a little. I threw my damp hair up into a ponytail and gave myself a once over in the mirror that hung above my dresser _._ There, Anne couldn't say I was dressing to impress now. I had refused to let the Italy nightmare back into my mind, but it found its way back in despite my mental barriers. There was no explanation its content, save the fact that I had talked of world traveling with the man it starred only hours before. The look he had given in the dream seemed so familiar. I didn't want to admit that I'd seen shades of it at times yesterday. I laughed. The idea of seeing  _anything_ in L's eyes was new to me, even if it was perturbing all the same.

I opened my bedroom door and once again did my sweep of the hallway. I just knew if he approached me unawares I'd end up blushing again and have no explanation. I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

The hall was clear so I made my way to the staircase, still feeling that I was safe.

How wrong I was.

My head held high, I bounced down the first flight until my foot connected with something plastic and I dove forward, crashing in a heap on the landing.

Near looked at me from where he was arranging his robots, on said landing. "Watch where you're going."

My right arm twinged as I pulled myself up from the floor. "You almost killed me." I huffed, casting a glare on the white haired boy that I hoped would return the sentiment. "Move this rubbish  _now_ before you bloody finish the job."

He defiantly held my glare for a prolonged minute, then harrumphed and collected his death traps from where he had placed them on the steps. "If you were more astute, you would have been able to avoid them. Obviously your mind is clouded with other thoughts."

"Yes, murdering you right now is pretty high on that list." I snapped, rubbing my wrist. "I talk until I'm blue in the face about this, yet you refuse to listen to me. Don't you realize how immense this house is? Why are you always playing in the worst possible place? Is it on purpose?"

Near ignored me as he knocked one robot over with the toy in his hand. "That man is here." He murmured, absorbedly.

I froze, wondering who Near meant. It could be anyone. "What man?"

"Go see." he responded, deeply fixated on his army of robots.

"Right," I answered, and slowly made my way down the stairs. That man, could it be the professor Near disliked? Clark from the stable?

I hit the bottom step and heard Roger calling to me. "Ah Grace! You have a visitor!" He stepped aside to reveal the man's identity. Bloody hell.

Andrew stood in front of me, dressed much more casually in a light jumper and khaki trousers clutching a bouquet of roses. "Grace, I must speak with you."

Part of me wished it had been the professor Near hated. Watching robots fly like projectile missiles toward the unfortunate academic would have been better than Andrew first thing in the morning. "Really? I thought we'd done all our talking. You said you'd never be calling here again, didn't you?"

He lowered his eyes, abashed as Roger made his exit. "That was a mistake, how could I leave you, my Grace? I didn't sleep at all last night, I kept seeing your disappointed face when I walked out. I couldn't rest until I saw that beautiful face smiling again. So here I am."

I hadn't slept much either, but that was hardly because of Andrew. "I'm sorry you slept badly," I began, keeping my arms folded across my chest. "But that doesn't change the things you said."

"About those things, I apologize, my sweet. I should thank my lucky stars that no other men can know what a treasure you are. If you left this place, I would be faced with competition from all sides. It's wonderful that you stay hidden away here."

"What? That's your apology?" I was affronted. "That you're such a jealous cretin it's jolly good that I'm a recluse? You really think that is what I want to hear?!"

He pouted. "It isn't?"

"No. You should have stopped at "I apologize." Lord!" First the nightmare, then nearly breaking my neck and now dealing with besotted fools. What a day it was turning out to be. "Andrew, I appreciate you trying to make amends, but you really have no idea why I was angry, do you?"

His face clouded with resentment after a few befuddled moments. "Oh,  _him._ No wonder, he's why we quarreled in the first place."

I made sure to keep my expression neutral. "You rose to his bait. He was completely joking about everything and you carried on like a petulant child in front of everyone."

"Joking? Grace, don't make me laugh. That person probably doesn't even understand what humor is. He has as much tact as a lumbering elephant. I can't imagine how anyone wants to dig fossils up with him! Bury him down there with them is more like it, with the way he walks about, looking like death warmed up."

"There you go again," I was quickly building to the amount of fury from this exact spot the night before. "Just because you can't understand him doesn't mean he's not a good person. And he can laugh, I've heard him!"

"Yes, maniacally in a padded cell. I can picture that."

I clenched my fist and pain shot up my arm. "You're lucky my hand is tender at this moment, very lucky. Did you just come here to insult my friend more or did you want something?"

_My friend? Had I really just said that?_

Andrew was no match for me when I kicked up a stink. He was backing away, holding the flowers up in front of his face. "I thought I'd invite you for a drive. It's such a lovely day and all…but I think I'll just go."

"Don't."

Andrew had bumped straight into L who was coming from the kitchen with a frosted doughnut in hand. Andrew scrambled away from him, causing petals to flutter down to the marble floor. L continued his urging and left me completely at a loss for words. "You should stay. I feel we don't know each other very well, Hargrove. This would be a perfect opportunity to amend that."

Andrew's face wore a look of guilt and embarrassment. I'm certain I just looked annoyed. What was L playing at? He himself had been glad Andrew had left the night before. He had felt like he was doing me a favor. Why the sudden change?

"Err, getting to know each other better you say? What did you have in mind?" Andrew ventured forward bravely as L took another bite of his doughnut, leaving icing around the edges of his mouth.

"Oh, I don't really know," he responded thoughtfully, looking toward me. "G? Can you think of any ideas?"

"I want no part of this." I answered shortly. Andrew was irritating me, of that there was no question, but I was sure L's idea of bonding wouldn't be a true gesture of goodwill.

"Hmm, no matter, I have the perfect idea." L turned to Andrew while finishing off his breakfast. "How are you at tennis? I'm not in practice, but as you said, it is a lovely day."

Blast, I should have known.

Andrew actually relaxed and gave L a shaky smile. "Tennis? I'm afraid I might give you a run for your money there. Are you sure you want to proceed?"

L licked his fingers and wiped them on his jeans. "I'm keen for a challenge. Grace, are you coming?"

Tennis, of all bloody games. I could already see where this was going without Jude telling me. L's five junior championship trophies came to my mind's eye as I tried to find a response that was a reprimand at the same time. "Are you sure this is wise, L?" I asked warily as the two of them made their way out the front door.

Andrew was already out in the drive as L turned to answer. "Grace, wisdom has nothing to do with it. I may work hard, but I play hard as well. I'm on holiday and I aim to enjoy myself."

I followed him outside as I watched Andrew jog to his Aston Martin, throw the bouquet on the top of the car and open up the boot, searching for something and holding it up triumphantly when he found it. He had a tennis racquet in his car? This was getting even worse. "How exactly do you plan to enjoy yourself? I don't wish for him to be hurt."

"Not to worry, Grace, the only thing bruised will be his ego." L responded coolly as several of the younger girls playing skipping rope stopped as they saw Andrew kick off his loafers and dive in his backseat for most likely a pair of trainers. "We'll see who buries who."

I tugged on his sleeve and leaned my head in towards his ear. "Can I say anything to make you stop this?" I asked weakly as Andrew fetched the trainers and began shoving them on his feet and tying the laces. "Honestly, anything. You are God, I am unworthy, Andrew has the brain activity of a gnat. Just don't play tennis with him!"

"I enjoyed all of those," L smirked, now bringing his lips close to my ear. "But no, nothing you say can stop this. It's going to be too much fun and I haven't played in ages."

I let him go and sighed, defeated. "You heard everything he said about you again, didn't you?"

"Oh yes. The looking like death, the wondering why anyone would want to work with me, I heard it all." L eyed up his opponent as we walked toward the tennis court on the far side of the house. "Your Lord Andrew is about to see a bit of the sense of humor he denies that I have. Although I doubt he'll find it very funny."

"I wish I could have stayed asleep in that library chair." I groaned as we started to draw a crowd from all edges of the property. Word got around this place at a lightning pace. Anne grinned at me from her perch on the hill behind the court, a sketchbook balanced on her knees. I almost expected Wammy and Roger to be around the bend setting up lawn chairs.

"You're sleeping in chairs now?" L chuckled as he picked up a racquet that hung on a peg outside of the fenced-in tennis court and gave it a few practice swings. "You know that's not a prerequisite to being L, right?"

"No, I know the only prerequisite is you being dead, which may happen sooner than later if you go through with this." I warned as Andrew entered the court and took his position on the side closest to Anne.

"I'm willing to take that risk." L winked as he parted from me. "Wish me luck, G. It's been a while since I had an audience."

"L," I pleaded then as five more of the kids parked themselves on the ground to watch the spectacle. Even Fritz had abandoned the skies to witness the game which was saying quite a lot. "Aren't you thicker skinned than this? So what if he called you a few names, can't you just ignore it? What are you trying to prove?"

L opened the door into the court and turned back to give me a smoldering look I had last seen in my nightmare. "I want him to know I'm just as much a man as he is. More even. Go find a seat, I'm prepared to put on quite the show." With that, he strode forward to meet his opponent leaving me rendered helpless outside of the field of battle.

I went to sit with Anne before my legs gave out from under me. This was going to be one for the ages, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious to see how it would turn out.

"Gracie!" Anne greeted me, giddily as she gestured with her charcoal pencil toward the court below us. "L vs. Andrew! This is going to be amazing! My money's on L, like usual. What about you?"

I shrugged as I glued my eyes to the game about to start. "I'd have to say L too, Annie. I'd say L too."

My money was always on someone who had something to prove.


	9. The Object of the Game

**Chapter 9. The Object of the Game**

Life never ceases to amaze me. I would have never dreamed I'd be spending the first gorgeous day of the year watching two of my least favorite people play tennis and actually caring who won.

Anne abandoned her sketch and watched with me as Andrew bounced the ball on the court and prepared to serve.

"Best of three?" L asked as Andrew stalled for time by balancing the ball on his racquet and grinning widely at the others assembled.

"Make it one, lad. Higher stakes." Andrew shot back, bouncing the ball up high, doing a spin and catching it on his racquet when he turned back around to meet it. The others clapped politely, but L rolled his eyes and stalked to the center of the court, refusing to participate in such theatrics.

"Showboating a bit, huh?" Anne remarked as Andrew now tossed up his racquet, did another ridiculous spin and caught it behind his back amid more applause.

I groaned. "I don't know which of them is more childish. Get on with it, will you?!"

Andrew jumped at the noise but stopped messing about and walked sedately to the center of his side of the court and prepared to serve. I'd have to think more about my obvious power over him and decide whether I liked that I had any.

"You hen, you." Anne kidded. "Think he's any good?"

"I'll reserve my judgment, but with that display it doesn't bode well."

I had no idea if Andrew was decent, mostly because I had learned to tune him out when he went on about himself, but he had bragged a little and actually kept a racquet in his car so I thought perhaps that pointed toward him being competent. Far too easily taken in by devious eccentrics, but still competent.

L was bent forward with his racquet directly in front of him, both of his hands gripping the handle and his eyes following Andrew's every move. The spectators were completely silent as Andrew served. The ball whipped over the net and just missed L's racquet, zipping behind him. 15 - Love.

"Oooh!" we collectively winced and Andrew beamed, craning his neck back to wink at me on the hill. I didn't offer him any encouragement and blankly stared back, doing my best L.

He quickly turned back around and took the ball from Beto who had volunteered to be ball boy with nary a thank you to the child. I was reminded of another reason why I didn't want him to win.

L didn't look happy as he flexed his long fingers back around his racquet, and retained his stance, waiting for his opponent's next serve. Andrew lobbed a short one just over the net and L was there to meet it, shooting it back so fast Andrew hardly realized that he had missed his chance to return it as it went straight past him and bounced against the fence. Andrew's smile instantly disappeared and a cheer rose up from the stands. L was startled at the noise, but nodded in thanks.

"He's just warming up." Anne commented, plopping her sketchbook back in her lap and starting to draw a few light lines.

"What's inspired you this time?" I asked absentmindedly as Andrew readied to bring the ball back into play, apparently not quick enough for L who let out a loud sigh.

"L, of course. Have to capture his glory moment for Wammy's posterity."

She captured my interest as she added darker strokes, starting to form his torso on the sheet of paper. "You haven't drawn him since you were seven!" I remarked as L returned Andrew's serve with a forceful hit that Andrew was ready for. 15 all.

"Yeah, he's due for an update." She noted lifting up one of her locs to her lips and starting to chew on the ends. "Or I could draw an adorable depiction of your wedding day. I wonder if it'd be a casual affair, you know, blue jeans and trainers…"

"If you draw that and show it to  _anyone,_ I will disown you." I warned her, keeping the heat in my cheeks down to a minimum. "Just draw the game."

"Fine, fine!" Anne surrendered with a chuckle going back to her sketch. "You know, it's kind of funny."

"What is?" Andrew was surprisingly now winning with a score of 30 - 15. L was glaring at him as he waited for the next serve.

"This match, L and Andy. It's like they're fighting over  _you_."

L now tied Andrew after giving the ball a backhanded spin that his opponent couldn't dream of meeting. The raucous cheers drowned out my cry of indignation. "Come again?" I hissed as the game continued. "This has nothing to do with me. Both of them wanted an opportunity to show off and this was the perfect venue."

"Ha, keep thinking that, G." Anne dipped her head back down to her drawing. "Why do you think they  _want_ to show off?"

"This joke has gotten horribly old." I answered, vexed. "When two egos such as theirs clash, competition is always the result. Did you not grow up here?"

"I'm not arguing with that," Anne answered with a grin as Andrew took a step and served again. "I'm just saying that it's funny."

L dove across the court to strike the ball, sending it back to Andrew amid more applause.

"Yeah, L!" My best friend shouted, punching her fist in the air. I dropped my head into my hands as Andrew gave a quick peek back, displaying a sense of betrayal that Anne wasn't on his side. He almost missed the ball coming back his way, but hit it just in time, just barely grazing the top of the net. L tipped it back on Andrew's side and it bounced once on the right edge of the court before going out of bounds. 40 - 30.

"L, L, give'em hell!" Mello began the chant and the rest of them joined in, including Anne.

L was standing mid-court, hardly out of breath and smirking at the obvious support. Andrew ran a hand through his damp blonde curls and got ready to try again. I pitied him. It was evident that if he was good by normal standards, they couldn't reach the heights of L's ability. He couldn't even keep the ball in play.

Andrew turned back around again, and blew me a kiss. I could see L's expression darken as he watched.

"See that's what I mean." Anne murmured as she now committed the heated look in L's eyes to her sketch. "It's not just a game to them."

Andrew's smile faded when I didn't return it and swiveled on his heel back to face his impending doom.

L was already looking annoyed that Andrew was taking too long to serve the ball and he showed it when he returned Andrew's eventual serve by smacking the ball straight up into the air. Everyone shielded their eyes as they tried to see where it had went, Andrew having no choice but to join the rest of us. Now L was playing with him, and I didn't think it was as funny as everyone else.

L caught my disapproving expression and jerked his chin defiantly. The ball sped back down to the earth on Andrew's side and shot up again a little less high than before.

"Show off." I muttered as the others laughed.

Andrew hit it when it came back down and L shot it across the net, just grazing Andrew's racquet before he returned it to L.

"This is it!" Anne squealed, scribbling furiously every few seconds before she glanced up to observe her sweating, brassed off subject gliding across the court to give the tennis ball coming his way a decided thwack. I couldn't help being a little excited myself.

"That's it, Mister L! Kick his arse!" The ball boy encouraged, causing the group assembled by him to crack up laughing. This was certainly the most boisterous tennis match I'd ever attended. None of us would be invited to Wimbledon any time soon. It didn't stop me from admonishing our youngest boy.

"Beto! Really!"

"Ahh, Grace, he's just having fun," Anne defended, her gaze transfixed on the game. "One more point, and L wins. Wonder what his prize will be?"

I blushed but rolled my eyes. "Winning, like usual. That's all he ever wants."

Andrew was obviously buckling under the pressure. He halfheartedly returned L's latest swing and almost made it too easy to win. A few of the kids booed.

"Why are none of the kids on his side?" I asked as L jogged back a few steps to send the ball back.

"Hmm?" Anne was finishing her sketch. "On Andrew's side? G, none of the kids really like him. They tolerate him because they think that you do and he never remembers any of their names which I'm sure doesn't help."

I was stunned. Andrew had never really done anything to deserve this condemnation from the rest of the house. Unless word had gotten around pretty fast about the names he'd called L, I couldn't think of any other reason why they would dislike him. "But why?" I asked as the battle for the final point continued.

"Well, they know his intent, our kids aren't dumb," Anne began as she darkened the black locks that slivered over L's determined eyes in her sketch. "They wouldn't want you to leave them. It'd be like losing their parents all over again if you left Wammy's. And L's one of their own, that's why it's so one sided."

Crossly, I turned from her and stared down at the two men playing the game. Apart from Wammy and L, now I had learned that all of Wammy's House wanted me never to leave. Well, perhaps not Near, I doubted that he would notice if I was gone nor Jude who had just arrived, but still, everyone wanted me to give up a life outside of their walls so that I forever remain their stand in mother. It seemed everywhere I turned, I was trapped.

L almost fell to the ground as he swung his racquet with all of this might, sending the ball clear across the court and crashing against the fence in front of me. The crowd erupted in roars and he shook out his damp hair as Andrew bent over trying to catch his breath.

"L won!" Anne announced triumphantly, jumping up from the grass to join the others. I stayed seated, still fretting over what she had said.

L bowed to the crowd and left the court, receiving a fierce hug from Ella around his middle as he stepped through the door. Andrew recovered and passed everyone congratulating L to reach me sulking on the hill.

"Well, I lost. I suppose I underestimated him. He's quite skilled."

I looked up and noticed the vulnerability in his green eyes. He really could be quite charming in a certain light. "Andrew," I began, standing up from the ground and dusting off my jeans. "Would you still care for that drive?"

The elation that flitted over his face made my heart lift. "Would I? When would you like to go, Grace?"

I watched the group singing and cheering as Beto was given L's racquet and he held it over his head like a trophy. "Now, right now."

His grin was dazzling. "Well, now this was all worth it." He commented as I guided him on the path behind the tennis court back to the front drive. I saw L's dark eyes watching us, but I didn't turn back. "That was rather fun, really."

"If you say so." I sighed as we ducked our heads to miss a tree branch hanging over the walk.

"You watching made me feel so proud, I wanted to do my best for you, my Grace." Andrew mentioned softly as we reached the Aston Martin and he lifted the bouquet off of the hood where it had been baking for a good twenty minutes. "For you, perhaps now you'll accept them?"

I took the roses in my arms and breathed in their rich perfume. "Yes, I think they're lovely."

Andrew's returning look was truly genuine. "Lovely girls should be surrounded by lovely things." He opened the passenger door and stood by it expectantly. "Your chariot awaits."

I was likely crazy to be accepting Andrew's attentions again after the rows of the past few days but I was so sick of everyone else telling me what was right and where my place was, now even the kids were doing it. I was twenty-one years old for goodness' sake! Andrew couldn't be so horrible if he still wanted to make amends after the things we'd said the night before. Right? I slipped into the car before I could change my mind and run back into the house.

"So," He asked as he slipped into the driver's seat and turned the keys in the ignition. "Where would you like to go first?"

I sat back against the leather seat and directed my eyes forward purposely. "Anywhere but here."

"Ha ha," Andrew laughed, shifting the car into drive and slowly starting toward the front gate. "That can be arranged."

The side mirror showed a reflection I wished I hadn't seen as Andrew drove us out toward the main road. L stood on the steps of the house, his arms folded across his chest wearing a hurt and frustrated look I wouldn't have known he was capable of. Why wasn't he celebrating? Hadn't he proved his point? Hadn't he won?

Andrew turned on the radio, playing soft pop that emanated from the speakers. "This is my idea of a perfect day." He gushed, singing along to a song with the uncomfortable subject of love. I stuck my head out of the window, looking back as the electronic iron gate opened to let us pass. L hadn't moved and met my gaze, saying more than words ever could. My heart jumped into my throat, and I sat back in my seat, another troubling piece of the puzzle falling into place.

Anne had been right. Maybe winning hadn't been the objective after all.


	10. Stupidity

**10\. Stupidity**

" _You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true_ …" Andrew warbled along with the radio as we drove down a quiet lane away from the town. I leaned my head against my hand and stared out the window at the passing greenery. Why had I agreed to this? So that I could leave Wammy's without an authorized escort for once? How was this any better than staying there? I was condemned either way.

I remembered then the time Anne and I had taken some of the kids into Winchester with the purpose of showing them Jane Austen's grave inside the cathedral. I had made an effort to explain to them how gifted the authoress was for creating such fascinating characters and plotlines without knowing very much of the world. It had been a lesson teaching them that true gifts were inherent and not something to seek. All I ended up learning was that Wammy was furious that we had left without anyone informing him.

_L stood behind him with a suitcase in hand in the foyer as our founder tore us a strip for "gallivanting around while people were worried sick." He had demanded to know what exactly we had felt was so important to see. Anne had admitted it was Jane Austen's grave and he'd smacked his hand against his head in frustration._

_"Good gracious, girls! You have a library at your disposal and the internet at your fingertips, yet you disappear to pay your respects to a woman who has been dead for nigh on two hundred years! I postponed L's flight to search for you; we were supposed to be landing in Berlin as we speak!"_

_"Then go, then!" I had snapped back, teenaged and emotional. "We were teaching a lesson and being that the burial site is in this same bloody town we didn't think it would cause such a fuss!"_

_"I'm certain it was all Grace's idea, Watari." L noted calmly as the vein running along Wammy's neck became prominent. "She's always finding ways to escape responsibility."_

_I turned to him then, sticking out a shaking finger. "Don't you start! Nobody asked you!"_

_"No one had to. It was obvious what your grand scheme was. Go into town with the flimsy cover of an educational field trip and end up getting in some trouble and bringing shame to the rest of us. As you brought Anne with you, I would reckon it was an attempt to attract the opposite sex."_

_"You think I went to Winchester to chat up boys?!" I cried, angry that I heard Anne muffled chuckle next to me. "You know absolutely nothing! I am so glad you're leaving, who can do anything in this place without you making your snide comments? I bet you told Wammy I was gone in the first place, didn't you?!"_

_L's eyes were blazing. "If_ _anyone_ _disappears from this place, it's cause for concern! When six people are gone without a trace, it's not something to overlook! You could have all been kidnapped!"_

_I stared coldly at him and dropped my voice. "I wish I had been."_

_"You truly need to mature. That was one of the most irrational, stupid statements I've ever heard," his voice was starting to show flecks of passion so he obviously was piqued. "Do you know what happens to kidnapped girls? It's not fun and games! And you want to be L, absurd!"_

_My fists were clenched at my sides. Hormones and L being his usual self were not a good mix when I was sixteen. "I do hope you know that I hate you."_

_"I don't care about your highly exaggerated feelings, Watari and I have work to do." He answered, shuffling past me toward the front door. "Try not to cause any more trouble, Grace. I don't think we can take it."_

_"Like you even care. Good riddance!"_

"Something on your mind, angel?"

I was pulled out of the unpleasant memory by Andrew's earnest voice. "Have you stopped singing?" I deflected, as he turned right onto another road.

"For now." He laughed. "I'm guessing you didn't enjoy it."

"Well, I'll give you this. It was a sight better than your tennis prowess."

Instead of the harder laughter I expected, Andrew grew quiet and drove on, his hands tightening around the wheel. I swallowed hard and felt rightfully guilty for hurting his feelings.

"Andrew…"

"You never call me Lord, do you?"

Surprised, I couldn't continue my thought. "Pardon?"

Andrew sighed and pulled over by a field. Once he stopped the car, he turned to me. "My father is in line to be Earl, after my grandfather yet you never give me that respectful title. Why, Grace?"

"I don't really know. I'm sure I did at first, but once we met, I didn't think you cared for it." I was amazed that this was the line of discussion he wanted to bring up.

"Normally I don't, but why is that?"

Honestly, Andrew couldn't handle the truth. If I ever came into contact with Her Majesty of course I'd give her the honor she deserved, but landowners who drove around in brand new 2005 Aston Martins ignoring the problems of the world at large? Respect never came into the equation. To call someone "Lord" just because his father's father's father had been someone notable made little sense. And it was well known that I never had fallen all over the world's greatest detective, so why would an aristocrat command that sort of respect? Instead of defending myself with any of these points, I settled back into my seat and took a different tack. "Do you want me to coo over you with "my lord" this and "Lord Hargrove" that? If you do, you're in for quite a rude awakening. I will  _never_  do that. To me you are Andrew and that is how you will stay."

It must have been the right thing to say, because Andrew's grin spread across his face. "You don't only like me because of my family. That's why you won't call me lord. It all makes sense now."

"Good." I was glad the conversation was over.

"But it doesn't explain why that  _L_ never gives me the honorific I am entitled to…"

L, he had to bring it back to L. "L could bump into the Prince of Wales and not be impressed. You shouldn't be bothered about it."

"He should be impressed! Who does he think he is? He's a mere subject of this realm whether he likes it or not!"

"I don't think L associates himself with any particular country. He's not in one place long enough." Talking about L was making me uncomfortable, but Andrew was on a roll.

"True, he will be leaving again soon, I expect." There was obvious satisfaction in his tone as he pulled back onto the road.

"Erm, well, no."

"No?" He almost hit the brakes. "You mean to say that he's going to be around for a while?"

I sighed. "Yes. L's taking a holiday from excavating ruins. He plans to stay until the early summer according to Wammy."

"That's just splendid." Andrew glared a hole through the windshield. "I can only guess why."

"The man constantly works, it's normal to take break every once and a while."

His green eyes lost their vulnerability. "Grace, do stop being so naïve. I'm not blind."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I hate the way he looks at you." Andrew huffed, his lower lip protruding. "I thought he would be gone soon."

I sighed and let my arm dangle out of the window, catching the warm breeze. "He looks at everyone like that. It's not an insult."

"No," Andrew slammed on the brakes due to a sheep peacefully standing in the middle of the road up ahead. "He looks at you like you're one of those dusty old rings he finds in those caves. You may not see it but I do… Is this bloody thing going to move or not?" He honked his horn, causing it to blare "shave and a haircut", annoying me, but not bothering the sheep in the slightest.

My heart started to pound but I affected disinterest. "I have absolutely no idea what that means. Is that supposed to be a good thing?"

He stopped honking and turned to me, incredulous. "Yes it is! You know the way he went on about that princess' ring he found in Ibizia last evening?"

"Err no, because it was a queen's ring in Cairo but continue."

"Whatever. The point is the way he talked about that stupid bit of metal is how he acts when you're around. He doesn't think it's obvious, but I see it all." He shifted forward again and continued slamming his palm into the horn. "Damn, we're going to be late!"

I was alert then. "Late to  _what_? This was supposed to be merely a drive." I suddenly felt so much more trapped than I ever had at Wammy's.

He stopped his incessant honking and offered me an explanation with a bit of the jovialness returning. "Late for meeting Mum and Father, they're at home and I thought it would be the perfect time for all of us to get together. They haven't seen you in ages!"

Panicked, my eyes went flinty as my stomach churned. "What?! You lied to me. You said this was meant to be a drive, nowhere in particular, just a drive. Certainly not to see your parents! What have you been saying about me, Andrew? What have you told them?!"

Andrew didn't seem to care that the sheep was blocking our way as he sidled closer, slinging his arm over my seat. "Just what you already know. That I find you the most enchanting beauty on Earth and I want you to marry me, and now with that fool at home I need to stake my claim."

Two proposals in two days and neither I believed. I squirmed away from his probing fingers and stealthily wrapped my hand around the door handle. "Why would you say all that? We aren't even romantically attached!"

"Oh Grace, I've been after you for years, how can you say that?" Andrew chided, resting his fingers on my chin. "Although, I would agree, I'd much rather you accept my proposal after we've at least kissed."

He puckered his lips and brought his face close to mine. In an instant, I had flung open the door and dislodged myself from his embrace, Andrew kissing air in my place. He realized I was outside of the car and smiled. "Ah, that's my girl, moving the sheep physically is probably the only way we'll get past it. Need a hand, pet?"

My body was pointed in the opposite direction than the living roadblock. "No, move your own bloody sheep. I'm going home."

"Home!" Andrew cried out, joining me outside of the car. "But why, my parents want to see you! I may have come off a bit strong, but don't run away!"

"A bit too strong?" I repeated, almost laughing. "You insult my friends, irritate my adoptive father, gloat when you're playing tennis and now you're verging on entrapment!"

"Why did you come out with me anyway?" he asked, wounded. "I thought you cared for me. You weren't trying to make  _him_ jealous, were you?"

"God, no! I wanted to get out for a bit, have an opportunity to know you better. I've learned a great deal, believe me. Apologize to your parents for me. I won't be seeing them."

I started to walk away and Andrew called after me. "Grace! Do be reasonable, get in the car, and I'll take you back. We'll do this another day. It may have been too much at once, I understand that now."

"No! If I get back in that car, you'll drive to the blooming registrar's office! I'll  _walk_ thank you very much. The exercise will do me good."

"You're being stupid!" He shouted next. It caused me to stop

"Am I? I think I'm finally acting rational. Good day."

He called my name in protest a few more times then gave up. I heard him cursing at the sheep as he struggled to push it out of the way and then slammed shut his driver's side door gunning his motor as he sped off down the road.

Save for an annoyed baa from the displaced sheep, I was finally alone.

I waved up at Tom, one of the guards, tiredly and he hurried to open the electronic gate and let me in.

"Good gracious, miss! What happened to you?" he exclaimed as he noticed my windswept hair straggling down my back and the sunburn on my arms. It had gotten hotter as I had made my way home and I had removed my cardigan and cinched it around my waist. The walk had been glorious, so freeing but a bit detrimental to my skin.

I beamed up at him. "I'm wonderful, really! Just took a walk!"

He shook his head as I ambled past. I had to admit I was surprised that no one was playing out front. Part of me had thought L would still be there, waiting to give me an earful about running off again.

"They can't still be celebrating, can they?" I wondered aloud, making my way toward the tennis court, putting a direly needed shower on hold. Walking along a dusty road wasn't conducive with keeping neat. I thought of the alternative, sitting in an elaborate drawing room with a cup of tea balanced on my knees as a woman with the same light blonde hair as Andrew quizzed me relentlessly about my prospects and why I hadn't thought of dressing up for the occasion. I shivered even now imagining how awful that would have been.

"The trick is, to always be alert for any possibility…" L's voice rose up before he came into view. I stopped in my tracks as he did.

The tennis court was still the place of interest, but now the kids were sitting cross legged on the court, watching as L bounced a tennis ball and made several swings with his racquet, turning to explain each move. My God, L was actually  _teaching!_ The kids were utterly transfixed by him, as was I.

I stayed by the overhanging tree and watched as L called to Jude who was sitting away from the others looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.

"Jude, would you care to give that last position a try?"

"No."

"Very well, then." L smoothly continued his lesson. "I do hope you won't have to play later."

He spoke for a few more minutes on the importance of technique and drive and prepared to dismiss them. "Last thing for today is when you're in a match; do not consider losing an option. I encourage you to bring to mind the singular thing you want the most and play as if it is at stake. This mind trick will do a great deal to keep you focused. Erm, and thank you."

The ten kids assembled got up from the ground and dispersed, chattering excitedly as they went off to enjoy the rest of their free day. Jude gave them a cold look, then took off on his own. L still stood on the tennis court, and I went up to him before I could talk myself out of it.

"L, that was wonderful! I can't believe you gave the kids a lesson. They would never have sat still for anyone else!"

"What happened to you?" he asked vaguely, glancing at me as I reached him. "Did you fall in a ditch?"

I smiled as I looked down at myself, I kind of expected that. "Looks like it, doesn't it? But no, actually…"

"You don't need to continue because I don't care." His tone was abrupt as he hid his eyes from me. "Now if you'll excuse me."

My heart fell to the depths of my stomach as I recalled the look from earlier. He had every right to be angry with the way I had behaved. My happy, freeing mood I had gained from my walk dissipated. "Right, L, before you go, I wanted to say I'm sorry."

L paused in collecting racquets and finally peered into my eyes. "I don't know what to make of you as a friend." He answered, with a trace of sadness. "You just ran off with that idiot, you didn't even congratulate me."

I picked up the few left strewn on the court and dropped them into the box by the fence. "I know, but we both knew you were going to beat him. What more did you want?"

He dusted his hands off and started to leave. "At least the little one, Ella, had the right idea. The sincerity in that child is astonishing. It's what I used to think I saw in you."

I groaned. "You've always been an expert at guilt trips. Look here, if this is what you want, fine." I came forward, opening my arms and very lightly linked them around his neck. "Congratulations. I acted childishly, but you said before that was nothing to be ashamed of. Are you going back on what you said?"

He kept his arms at his sides at first as I awkwardly hugged him, but slowly they settled around my back. "No, I don't always say what I mean."

His touch was far too gentle, I felt myself blushing again. Luckily, my red face was disguised by the sun's work. He smelled of perspiration and powdered sugar and I was sure I just smelled. I broke apart from him and gave a nervous smile. "Well there you are. Are we okay now?"

L swallowed and fixed his large eyes on mine. "Yes I believe so. This is called "making up", correct?"

"In a way I suppose." I evaded. "Anyway, I must get changed. I feel disgusting."

"Did you truly fall in a ditch? You're not injured, are you?"

"Only my pride." I shrugged, heading toward the house. "I'll see you later, L."

"Er, Grace?"

I turned to see his smile had resurfaced. "Yes?"

"About later, I was wondering, friends normally do things together. Would you like to do something?" he seemed to have trouble getting out his words.

"Uh, sure. Till then. Oh, and L?"

"Hmm?"

"Andrew Hargrove does have the brain activity of a gnat."

The smile transformed into a goofy grin. "You say that like it's not common knowledge. I'm going to go find Jude. Mentoring is exhausting."

"Good luck with that."

"Thank you. Oh, and don't be running off anymore, or it'll be Winchester all over again. Only this time you won't have the luxury of me leaving directly after the row."

I gasped as he brought up the exact memory that had come to me in the seat of Andrew's car. "Very well, and don't spend too much time with Jude. We don't need two psychics in residence!"

I left him open mouthed in the drive as I hurried into the house. Alice had said she'd never met two people more alike who refused to get on as L and me. I was starting to see what exactly was going to happen if we did.


	11. Things Friends Do

**Chapter 11:**   **Things Friends Do**

Two showers in one day. I'll admit, I needed this one. I was filthy after the trek home and had probably contaminated everything I touched although L hadn't seemed to mind the dirt when I had hugged him. In fact, he hadn't seemed to mind anything about it at all. I dried myself with a fluffy towel, distracted. I had to admit that I liked the new L. He was helpful, caring and dare I say it, funny. What I didn't like was that Andrew had been right.

I had a sneaking suspicion that L had started to like me. What I still didn't know was why. He wasn't superficial, I knew that much, and I still looked the same as I had six months ago, even my hair still fell to the exact center of my back, as I kept it regularly trimmed. It couldn't be anything physical that had turned the tables, and I was glad of that. Despite of how I felt about it, it was nice to know he wasn't falling all over me because I was "lovely" like Andrew had. Hell, L had even brought up a not so flattering image of a two year old me with snot leaking out of my nose, that memory itself showed that this new revelation wasn't about looks. What was it?

I wrapped myself in my dressing gown, letting my newly washed hair fall loose. I peered at myself in the foggy mirror, my eyebrows furrowed as I thought deeply. I was still the crying toddler, the precocious child, the emotional teenager, and the together woman I'd always been. Nothing of my behavior had changed. I just couldn't see it. We had always been enemies, when would that have ever changed to attraction? What had happened while he was gone to make him come home with such a resolution to get to know me better? Did he not have much time left?

Sadness overwhelmed me as I considered that. I knew now that I would grieve the loss of L like I had for Winston. He had broken the barrier between us, and I couldn't help but care about him like any of the others. However he seemed too pleasant to be at death's door, worrying about that would be pointless and a bit late. He had been  _the_  L for longer than today, I should have always cared whether he was going to come back. I felt horrible that I hadn't. I frowned at myself in the mirror trying to overcome the regret. At least I had a chance to make things right now. L wanted to be friends, and his friend I swore to be. Even if it killed me.

As I walked into my bedroom, I had to smirk at the present left on my pillow. Anne had finished her sketch of L in action and had scribbled over the right corner. " _Here's hoping you come to your senses. For those sleepless nights."_  I sat on the edge of the mattress, picking up the drawing and felt a little faint. Anne was in Wammy's for a reason. She had captured everything about that moment, from the bulging muscles along his neck, exposed by the collar of his shirt slipping to one side as he prepared to swing his tennis racquet, to the fiery determination in his eyes as he devoted every ounce of himself to profoundly wiping the court with Andrew Hargrove. My cheeks were going to never return to their original color at this rate. L was actually attractive, in a different way than most, but still, it was striking. And quite unsettling.

"Enough," I muttered, opening the drawer to my nightstand and thrusting the picture inside, face down. "How he looks is irrelevant. It's the words he speaks that are important. No, scratch that. His words are what usually get him in trouble." I didn't know where this talk was leading and so ended it. Unfortunately, babbling was a sure sign the madness was on its way.

I dressed quickly, pinning my hair to the side with my carved wooden barrette. Besides my silver necklace, it was the only object from my former life that I had and I treasured it dearly. The one time I had lost it had caused me to openly grieve for days, feeling the last remnants of my mother slipping away from me. I knew that I was blessed to have even  _those_  in a home for orphans, but I still felt heart wrenching loss at being so careless. Two days after its disappearance, a hesitant knock had fallen on my door followed by an envelope being shoved under it with the barrette tucked inside. The note enclosed had explained that the hairpiece had been found in one of the ground floor classrooms underneath the radiator but left no clue to who had found it. I had hugged the envelope to my chest and cried with happiness.

Every time I fixed my hair now, I felt eternally grateful to whoever had located it but still found myself wondering at the anonymity. Any of the kids at that time would have known I probably would have smothered them with hugs for returning it; it was possible they didn't want the effusive thanks. As I clipped the barrette in place above my left ear, my fingers suddenly fell still as a new thought came to mind. There was only one person would wouldn't have wanted my affectionate gratitude at that time and would have avoided it at all costs.

"L." I whispered in disbelief as the answer came to me. How hadn't I figured out that one in ten years? My deductive reasoning skills were faltering every day. It was embarrassing.

It wasn't good I had come to that revelation right before agreeing to do "something friends do" with L. He would know something was up the minute he looked into my eyes and he probably would be confused if I thanked him now, after a decade.

"That man has made a mess of me." I noted, slipping back on my dusty black and white trainers. "And it's probably all on purpose."

I took a deep breath before crossing to my door and opening it. I was going to give it a go, regardless.

I started down the stairs and caught the middle of an argument taking place in the hallway by the sitting room. From what I could make out, the participants were L and Fritz and the latter sounded none too pleased. I slipped down to the landing where I had a decent view of the participants, Fritz looking annoyed and hyperactive, L just looking tired.

"L, mate," Fritz pleaded, waving his arm around emphatically, once again dressed in full pilot gear. "Look at the skies!"

"I can see them, Fritz. Sunlight has an uncanny way of making itself known. I still strongly urge you to stay grounded today."

Fritz normally utilized his height to seem imposing, but he still had to look up to L. "Are you in league with Grace now or something?" he scowled. "I thought you said to ignore her!"

L shook his head. "I wouldn't say that on pain of death. What I said was, to let her admonish you, praise you, encourage you even if you aren't going to take her advice. You are a brother to her, she wants what's best for you and Grace is too obstinate not to interfere in your life. You should be thankful someone cares that much and to be frank, she went easy on you last night, it could have been a great deal worse."

Fritz winced likely in memory of how I had torn into him in Wammy's office. "I doubt that. You would think I kidnapped the queen's corgis the way she carried on."

"She had reason, you must admit that."

"I admit nothing! If she went up in the plane just  _once,_ she'd see there's no reason to be worried. I'm a competent pilot!"

I made my entrance then, choosing diplomacy. "There's no debate over that, Fritz, but I'll never go up in Artemis Azure or whatever you've dubbed her today. If you want to risk your neck, that's your lookout, but no one else will be sacrificed with you."

"I don't know." L spoke up, his voice mild. "I would go up with Fritz. It'd be an experience."

The gratitude and warmth I'd felt upstairs dissolved as I shot him a look. "Are you being contradictory on purpose? If Fritz takes you up, how am I supposed to keep any of the others grounded? How am I supposed to explain to Wammy that the world's greatest hope is flying in a rickety biplane for fun?"

"I'll hold off for now." L decided, glancing down at my feet. "You're going to need your Wellingtons. I'll wait."

I blinked, confused. "What?'

"Trainers won't do. Not where we're going." He turned from me back to Fritz. "Just for today, stay out of the skies. The new boy, Jude, perhaps you could show him the plane and the hangar if you want something to do. He feigns disinterest but he will likely be a little impressed."

"Fine, whatever." Fritz grumbled, making his way outside. "I hope this teaming up with the pair of you isn't a permanent thing, sheesh!"

I passed L to walk towards the kitchen and out the back doors where the mud boots were kept. "I'm not going to wade in a bog, you know. The only sorts of friends who do that drag up bodies for the police."

"Taken as read." He called after me, settling down in a chair. "Not to worry, I wouldn't want you to look like you fell in a ditch again either!"

"How kind." I muttered in response as I left him to seek my wellies.

In the mudroom, I located my pair amidst the twenty odd other sets and stuffed my jeans into them as I yanked them up to just below my knees. "This better be bloody worth it," I huffed from the exertion as I stood up and adjusted my right boot so that my heel slipped into place. "Although with the amount of times I've acted like a fool today, there's probably no harm if I rack up a few more."

I marched back into the foyer and did a sarcastic spin. "All right, sir, am I ready, then?"

L watched me turn back to face him and smirked. "I suppose. Very well, let's be off." He pulled himself out the chair and headed toward the way I came. When he passed through the mudroom still wearing his tennis shoes I let out a sniff of indignation. If L hadn't admitted he didn't play fair before, this little stunt proved it.

Behind Wammy's was a vast expanse of lawn that was surrounded by woods. The leafy trees were centuries old and almost as high as the church belfry and solely belonged to the school. The view was aesthetically pleasing, even though we all knew the forest was filled with alarms and cameras to keep us protected. It was toward these woods that L led me now.

"I'm not climbing trees either!" I objected as he walked faster than me, his hands in his pockets as I tripped over my feet to keep up.

"I wouldn't expect you to. Unladylike." L responded back, veering right as we reached the trees onto the path that wound through them. "Come on."

I batted a branch out of my way as L delved deeper into the forest. "Just where are we going? Can't you even give a hint?"

He stopped from stepping over a large rock to give me an evil smile. "There's no surprise then, is there, G?"

My mouth went to a thin line. "Well, hurry up then before I die of curiosity."

"Not to worry, we're almost there."

L pushed another branch aside, but this time waited for me to pass before letting it swing back into place, shedding budding green leaves as it did so. He stopped triumphantly in front of the pretty pond that ran along the back of the property. "Ah see? Now it's a surprise!"

I glanced back the way we came and then turned to see the much easier route straight across the lawn that we could have taken. "What on earth was the point of that?" I demanded, rubbing a scratch on my arm still sore from my spill that morning.

L pouted as he could see his surprise had gone over like a lead balloon. "It added to the mystery. If I just said "Let's go to the pond" what fun would that have been?"

"Well at least it would have been less walking." I sighed, crossing my arms. "Next time you want to go here, let's just take the normal route. You can blindfold me to add to the unknown if you like, it would be better than being all cut up by the burrs on the bushes."

L sat down on the grass with resignation.

"Very well…Cassandra."

Damn! "Who's that?" I feigned ignorance but his penetrating look was hard to avoid.

He placed his thumb by his lips as he connected his black eyes to mine. "You."

I glared at him, extra exasperated. "Didn't waste time finding out, did you? We just discussed this last night!"

He shrugged. "It took five minutes. I knew your father's name…hacking into the national birth records took two, being that only one child was born to Reginald and Felicity Huxley, it was simple. Although the middle name was a bit of a giveaway, Cassandra  _Grace_."

"Don't you ever call me Cassandra. I left that name behind with my old life." I warned, sitting apart from him. "Are you going to tell me your name now? I'd say it's only right after you breached my privacy like this."

"Er...no."

"That's absolutely unfair."

"Yes, something you learn about life before you reach the age of five."

I couldn't speak, I truly wanted to murder him. "You conceal your identity as a matter of trust. What have you ever done to make me trust you?"

"I've never said a word to another living soul about who your birth father is. I think has some bearing in my trustworthiness."

"Some, but not much."

"Oh, so now you're an authority on trust. Sorry, I still wouldn't put my life in your hands." L picked up a blade of grass and split it apart with his fingernail.

"But you would allow Fritz to have that responsibility? That's laughable."

"At least I'd have a better chance of surviving with him crashing us into a barn than with you knowing my identity. The physical harm I could handle, but the world finding out who L is would be catastrophic. You have no idea about danger," L answered, loftily. "And you don't know how close you've come to it."

Instinctively, my hand went up to my necklace as my heart missed a beat. "I think I do, L. If I hadn't been out on that trip to the zoo with my nurse…"

He allowed that with a nod, but continued his thought. "You present a valid point, but you don't know that someone was stopped outside your bedroom door with a knife in hand, do you?"

Suddenly I felt sick. "Explain!" I sputtered, horrified.

"Do you remember how Beyond left so quickly? He was here one day and the next he was gone and no one heard about him until Los Angeles?"

"Yes...are you saying B tried to  _murder_  me?" I couldn't control the revulsion in my voice. I had gotten along loads better with B than ever with L. He had come to the house when I was about eight and had left before I was eighteen. I had said he was bizarre and somewhat dark, but no one had believed it when he was found to be behind the Los Angeles murder case L had solved with help a few years back. We had demanded more proof even when there had been ample evidence.

There was no doubt in L's answer. "Yes. He wanted you dead. You, Mello, Near. All of you. You were to be first."

" _Why_?"

"Well, you're number two, aren't you? B never took it well when Watari took him out of the order. You saw that."

"But he wasn't stable." I defended my relative. "There was no way he could have handled it. You need to tell me how you even know this!"

"Simple," L answered quietly. "I caught him."

I came to the realization that I owed L much more than I had ever known. The recovered barrette seemed like a drop in the bucket. "You saved my life?"

"Yes. Beyond was acting really strange after the demotion. He was following you, but you would never have known. I was here for five days then, I noticed straight away things weren't right with him. That night, he sat next to you at supper. He kept urging you to drink. You went up to bed earlier than usual, blaming your tiredness on the case you were working on. I deduced he must have drugged your drink with sleeping medicine and confirmed it when I swiped the glass from the table after everyone had left. An hour after you went up, I trailed him to the kitchen. There he chose a butcher knife, concealing it in the sleeve of his shirt. You wouldn't have known he had slit your throat until the blade had already made its path. His hand was on your doorknob before I knocked him out, one blow directed to the head. He fell to the ground, the knife clattered to the floor along with a piece of linen with the L symbol painted on it, and I dragged him into another room. He was tied up and Watari was informed. Watari was heartbroken, but the decision was made not to tell you. This place is supposed to be the safest place for you and yet, B had almost proved all of that wrong. I couldn't believe he had tried to murder you, you were one of the few people he tolerated."

I covered my face as I thought about what he had told me. B? I could have been just like the American victims, left dead as a sign for L. I shuddered as the images L had created filled my mind. I finally removed my hands. "I can see why Wammy was heartbroken. He always wants all of us to be like family. I can't believe this."

L hefted a rock and threw it into the pond, making a huge splash. "Neither could I, G. When he awoke, I had to know how he could have contemplated murdering a friend."

"I don't want to know." I shivered, wrapping my arms around me. B had tried to kill me, after laughing and learning together, he had wanted me dead. Who else could I trust?

"All right," L was uncomfortable. "I'm sorry if I upset you. If it helps, it wasn't personal."

I couldn't hold back the outrage I felt at that comment. I scrambled to my feet. "It wasn't personal? It wasn't like I was a bloody stranger, we were  _friends._ We were  _family._ This is awful! I trusted him!"

L slowly stood up as well, the sympathy gone and a cocky assurance taking its place.

"See? This is why I can't tell you my name. You completely believed me about Beyond without a shred of physical evidence."

My eyes widened. He hadn't... "That…that wasn't true?"

L smirked. "No, but one account from me and you are rethinking everything about Beyond. The trust you may have still held for B was eradicated. You had no reason not to trust B, personally that is, yet for a few minutes you felt him capable of murdering you."

"I can't believe you." I spat at him. "You are  _sick_."

"No, I'm proving to you that you give and abandon trust too easily. How can I know if you thought I had betrayed you in some way you wouldn't post my real name everywhere?"

"Because that's not who I am. I'm not despicable, like you."

"Come now, I was trying to prove a point and I succeeded. That doesn't make me despicable."

I strode up to him, my fists clenching at my sides. "What does that make you, then?"

Either not aware of the anger or fearless of it, L smiled. "It makes me right."

Not wasting another second, I shoved him, hoping he'd fall flailing into the water. With instantaneous reflexes, L grabbed my arm as he toppled back and we both ended up crashing down to the ground.

For a few dazed seconds, I lay in a heap on top of him, furious but suddenly warm when I caught the look in his eyes. It was shock but laced with gentleness.

Dear God, suspicion had increased by 99 %.

The longing in his eyes was unmistakable. I'd seen that look many times when a cake had been set in front of him. He was breathing heavily now, still staring wonderingly up at me. "G?" he murmured, his hands still holding on to my wrists.

I wrenched out of his grasp and shot up quickly, plotting my escape. "I have to go. Don't worry, I'll show myself out."

L leaned up on his elbows as he watched me starting to leave.

"Where are you going, Grace?"

"I just remembered I had something to do." I answered, dusting off my jeans as my eyes darted for the best way out that wouldn't be too noticeable.

"What exactly?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, I thought we were spending time together." His voice was still warm and rough like how it had been when he had just spoken my nickname. I couldn't bear it and threw him a departing line.

"L, do me a favor. All you've done is tricked me and angered me more than I thought was possible. Goodbye. I refuse to be used as an experiment to see if you can succeed socially."

"You think that?"

I didn't, I had said it to be hurtful, but he was so bloody confusing! "No, but I just need to get out of here, all right?"

"We share the same birthday."

Dammit, he stopped me again. "What?"

"October 31st. I saw it on the birth record. Why don't you celebrate it then?"

"There's no cake big enough for the two of us." I snapped, making my move away.

"Be honest. Do you not like to share?"

"No, I said before I've abandoned all the trappings of my previous life. My birthday is one of those things."

L got up and ambled over to me. I didn't back away. "Friends have things in common. We share a birthday. It's unbelievable I even know mine, but of all three hundred sixty five days of the year the two of us were born on the same day two years apart. That's awe inspiring."

"Yes, that's true." I allowed, wondering what he was going to try next. "But friends don't terrorize each other with murder stories that are completely not founded on fact either."

He laughed then, his eyes catching the light peeking through the trees. "For on the spot it was rather good, though wasn't it?"

I smirked, pushing him over again, but this time I didn't join him when he fell.

"Cassandra Grace," he marveled from the forest floor once again, his hair disheveled but his voice full of admiration. "You truly are a remarkable successor to me."

"Don't forget it," I answered, a smile fighting the corners of my mouth as I plopped down beside him. "And if you call me Cassandra again, you just won't be worried about on pain of death, because I'll torture you even in hell."

L's laugh rang out loud and unguarded and I have to say, mine joined him soon after.

I was in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I previously published Home, I started incorporating songs that either inspired chapters or were playing when I wrote them. I think Chapter 14 is where I started writing Chapter songs at the end of chapters, so when I get there I will put the original song and another one that I now think also fits. J
> 
> Here's the updated Chapter Song: Go Away - Eisley
> 
> As usual, thank you for reading!


	12. The Adventures of Cassandra and Louie

**Chapter 12: The Adventures of Cassandra and Louie**

By the pond, our laughs trickled off and I sighed. "Seriously though, you are a git. You need to think words over in your head before you say them."

L kicked off his tennis shoes and stretched out on the warm grass. "I've done that my entire life. I knew what I would claim about B was appalling, but I also knew you weren't going to burst into tears or faint dead away because of it. There would be no lasting emotional trauma. The pros outweighed the cons, you see."

I shot him a look as he placed his hands behind his head and directed his gaze upwards to the clear sky. "Let me rephrase. You shouldn't speak at all. Every word you say makes me want to punch you."

His lips curled up into a smile as a slight breeze ruffled his sable hair. "Go on, then. I won't stop you."

"Don't tempt me." I drew my knees up to my chest and looked out on to the still gray water. "Masochist."

He chuckled softly. "If you'd like, you can tell me why you came home a mess earlier on. Did you have a physical altercation with Andrew as well?"

I stewed instead of answering and L laughed. "Apparently so! Do tell me you won."

"When does a Wammy's kid  _not_ win? But no, I didn't hit him, although I should have." Thinking again about the reason for the drive made my blood boil. I still couldn't  _believe_ him.

L turned his head and lazily peered up at me, "Are you going to elaborate or am I going to just watch your face darken by the moment and make my own deductions?"

I didn't want to be reminded of how he probably wouldn't  _mind_  watching me and made an effort to explain. "The drive, I thought it was just a trip around the countryside. Not too far from home, I just needed to get out of here for a bit. I didn't know he had an ulterior motive. If I had known, I'd never have went-" I cut myself off with a shriek when L sprung up to his feet and crouched in front of me with a face like thunder.

"Tell me that cur didn't touch you, Grace," His voice was terrifying. Every syllable was extended to allow the seriousness of his words to penetrate. "Or so help me, I'll tear him apart."

I was speechless as I believed him capable of every threat he had made. "No! He didn't do any such thing and neither will you! It was a different sort of ulterior motive. He was taking me to visit his parents. I refused, got out of the car and walked home. Calm down!"

L's fury slowly disappeared and he sat back on his haunches, taking a moment to breathe deeply. "My apologies, I just, I don't know why I thought that. You  _walked_ home? How far did you have to travel?"

"A kilometer and a half, believe me it was worth it. I wasn't lasting another minute in that car with his claims of love and talk of marriage…" My sentence died as I realized what I myself should have thought about before speaking. "Er, romantic nonsense he kept spouting. Why he felt I would be suitable to see Lord and Lady Hargrove today I'll never know. Why he didn't ask me first I would pay money to find out."

L had become quiet and every second of silence was painful. Andrew's sneer came back to me.  _"I hate the way he looks at you."_ and  _"I thought he would gone soon."_ The way he had looked as he spat out the words mirrored the way L looked now. And still he wouldn't speak.

I unstuck my tongue to press on. "Plus, the sheep didn't help matters."

Finally, a reaction was produced across L's still features. "Sheep?" he repeated, his curiosity getting the best of him. "Was that another of his grand gestures of love? Is that part of the Hargrove mating ritual, gifting the intended with livestock?'

"No, it was in the middle of the road, not allowing the car to pass. That's when I got out, and he thought I was going to move it out of the way." I lamely explained. "It saved me from having to jump out of a moving car at least; although that's a danger I would have gladly embraced."

L tilted his head to the side, as his intrusive eyes captured me again. "I must say, G. You are odd."

"Odd?!" I sputtered in disbelief. "Are you certain you have the correct adjective?"

"One hundred percent."

"Well, fine." I huffed, breaking from his gaze to watch a sparrow fly low over the water, and then soar up over the trees. I envied it. "Thank you very much. I value your opinion on eccentricity so highly since you are an expert."

"Come now, you're claiming that you aren't?"

"Yes, I am, and unless you have evidence pointing to another conclusion that's the end of it."

I thought I was less odd and more crazy to think I could spend any part of the day relaxing with L. I couldn't let my guard down around him when he was intent on using a bloody catapult.

"I do. Going anywhere with Andrew Hargrove at all proves it."

"Why didn't you stop me then?" It was daring, and I couldn't believe it had tumbled out of my mouth, but it at least gave him pause.

"Would you have listened to me?"

"Perhaps, if you'd given a decent reason."

He pushed a handful of hair away from his burning glare. "Besides the fact that he's a known imbecile? Or how he wishes to use you as a trophy and nothing more? No, I've got it. How he'd never appreciate who you really are? Would that have caused you to stop your rebelliousness and leave his side? I think you know all of those points already, what good would my reminding have done?"

Good Lord.

I blinked rapidly as my heart began to increase its rhythm; he was commanding my attention yet again and seriously troubling my head. "We all, er, lose our sense now and then. It's part of what makes us human."

L leaned forward again, his smile wry and oh so knowing. "So tell me, Miss Deacon, have you finally come to your senses?"

Damn. I bit my lip and looked away. Why was he doing this? "He's a fool." I dismissed, not wanting to answer the question straight on. "But we've seen our last of him."

"I'm not so sure about that, but I am hopeful." And he left it at that, a hidden warning that if Andrew Hargrove ever darkened Wammy's doorway then, he wouldn't be able to get past L. I wondered about how he would differ if Andrew wasn't at times the irritating buffoon he had proved himself to be. Was it the superiority L obviously felt that caused him to not tolerate him? Or would any man have brought out this side of my confusing, brilliant friend who truly did have the most soul searching eyes I'd ever come across? I was almost afraid to know.

"Don't think I won't have my spies out after I leave, either." L joked, once again giving me room to breathe. "Watari dislikes him immensely."

I was surprised by that, but didn't let on. "Well then that makes three of us. You don't need to worry your head about it, Andrew's not coming back. "

"We'll see." His voice was a cool as the wind.

"Doesn't my word mean anything?" I protested.

"Not when you've said this previously and didn't hold to it,  _Cassandra_  Grace."

"I'm not the one who lured him into a tennis game. He was about to leave, you know. You brought this on yourself… Louie."

" _LOUIE_?!" L's face twisted in amused revulsion. "Who may I ask, is  _that?"_

"I've decided that if you're going to taunt me with  _that_  name whenever you please, I shall do the same." I loved that I had ticked him off yet again, it was far too enjoyable. "So Louie you shall be. I'm sure it'll catch on like wildfire."

"You will desist immediately." Though I had rendered a smirk on his lips, I knew he was annoyed.

"Aw, Louie, the only way I'm doing that is if you never call me Cassandra again, and since you obviously can't resist, you should get used to it."

"You're incorrigible." L groaned, standing up and walking to the sandy edge of the pond, his slouched back to me. "At least Cassandra is a pretty name, Louie is just unfortunate."

"This isn't a question of how pleasing it is to the ear, because I still detest hearing it." I answered, trying my best to be severe when I was smiling. "I  _like_ being called Grace. Grace, for all purposes is my name, whether you find it pretty or not!"

"I don't find it just pretty.." he admitted, kicking a pebble into the water with his toe.

Embarrassed, I forced my eyes down to my lap, so when he turned and devastated me with another of his mystifying gazes again, I would be fortified. "Thank you. I'm sure my mother wanted lovely names for me."

"She succeeded. Which means calling you by either of them shouldn't be an insult.  _Louie_ on the other hand…"

I finally lifted my eyes to him and beamed, clasping my hands together as I dropped them into my lap. "I like Louie. It fits. After all, French kings never found it to be an insult."

"I think it's dreadful."

"You don't like it because I thought it up. Don't worry, you'll warm to it soon enough." I couldn't keep the laughter out of my voice. He seemed so utterly horrified at being called such a name and leaving him so disgusted was tempting. I changed conversation away from the prettiness of my name and the complete unsuitability of Louie as one for L. "Any road, how is mentoring Jude working for you? Are you ready to throw in the towel yet?"

He was indignant. "I never give up, G. Especially only after one day. That would be humiliating."

"Well, I'm only asking because you've already pawned him off on Fritz who will bore the child to death with talk of gears and flight schematics. I assumed you'd had enough."

"No, I wanted to, as Mello says "hang out" with you. So I planned to mention it to Jude, and instead he sneers and says. "Fine, go see her. I'm glad have some peace in this stupid place."

I do think he can read minds. I hadn't said a word to him about my intentions."

I felt another chill at the mention of Jude's ability. I could remember Mrs. C and her complaining about how people would see Wammy's as a haven for the paranormal. Years later, that was becoming a reality. "Will you talk to him about why he doesn't want to be a detective? And ask what he plans to do instead?"

L played with one of the sleeve cuffs that hung over his hands. "I already did. The answer is something I can't argue with."

"Enlighten me."

"Jude states that every day he sees guilty people walking free. If he became a detective someday, he may catch them, but they are never punished the way they should be. And most end up being released. He doesn't want any part of what he calls a "corrupt system"."

I wasn't as laissez faire about the answer as L. "So he isn't going to undergo training because he thinks enough people wouldn't be punished? What about the fact the he could save lives? Doesn't he care about that?"

"His belief that not enough criminals would receive their just desserts overrides any help he would give, apparently. I was lucky to obtain that much information from him."

"Well, you are vastly skilled in interrogation, but I think he's being terribly selfish." I dwelled on the subject, disliking Jude Call more and more. In my heart, one life saved was worth months of work solving a case. For being an orphan he didn't value life as he should.

L was less offended. "Give him time," he coaxed. "Once he sees the good work we do, he may change his mind."

"Or become even more polarizing just to be difficult."

L smiled. "Perhaps. You're not the most optimistic of people, are you Grace?"

I ran my hand over the wild grass, feeling the prickly shoots tickle my palm. "Learning more about me every day, hmm?"

"It doesn't make sense though. The way people tend to gravitate toward you, you should be sweetness and light personified. Negativity normally draws people away."

"I'm careful to only be negative when it is in regard to myself or someone who won't care what I think. I always encourage the others. "

"Who encourages  _you_?"

For someone who loved desserts, L wasn't fond of sugar-coating his words. My fingers gripped a clump of sod as I answered him. "Myself, of course. I'm the only one who can since Wammy is usually off with you."

"Well, we're here now."

I looked up to see L lowering himself back down to the grass by my side, the expression on his face one of gentle kindness. It took my breath away.

"Err, all right then. I'll let you know when I need encouraging." He was sitting much too close, his arm brushed mine as he reached up to scratch his temple. I trembled, hoping he didn't notice.

"Good. Have you finally forgiven me for New York?" L asked with a sense of uncertainty.

I sighed, knowing the last day and a half had made up for New York and then some. "I suppose. That doesn't mean I want something similar to happen again."

L relaxed. "I think it was more the case matter itself than anything else. I was completely against you being involved."

"That's not news."

"No, don't be hasty. You don't know why. The kidnappers were taking young women walking alone in Central Park. If you had been involved, the NYPD would have wished for you to be used as shall we say, "bait". Watari was more tolerant of the idea, I was adamantly against it."

The reason for his refusal of my participation didn't do much for making me feel better about everything. In fact, it made me more disappointed. "L, I can defend myself. Wammy knows that and so should you."

He turned to me then, and the pain had returned to his eyes. "What if you couldn't? What if the attacker had a firearm and it had turned into a hostage situation in the middle of a public place? I was so furious with Watari for not seeing all angles before seeking your involvement."

"Wammy isn't you. He has more trust in authority figures and me. I could have handled that, particularly if the park was crawling with police trying to nab the suspect."

L shook his head, rejecting everything I said. "You don't understand how terrifying that would be. I'd rather the kidnapper go free than see you hurt, or worse. You must be prepared for every possibility, Grace, when you deal with criminals. You would have had to accept that you could die from making yourself a target."

I could tell he was even more disturbed by the calmness in my returning gaze. "I would have. I'm in line for L, acceptance of danger is part of the code. Sure it would have been frightening, but at the same time, if the kidnapper was caught, how great would it have been to have been part of the force catching him?"

L appeared uncomfortable. "It wasn't that enjoyable, especially not wearing that wig."

My hands flew up to my mouth as I realized what he meant. "Oh no, you didn't…."

"That skirt wasn't comfortable either. I was truly the homeliest girl you've ever seen…"

Once I started giggling, I couldn't stop. "What was that about being in the hotel the whole time, then? Were you hoping I wouldn't find out?"

Offended that I was still laughing, L's look was fierce. "Yes."

I threw my head back and laughed harder. "Even though you were so "homely" the bloke still went after you, didn't he?!"

"Ahem, it doesn't matter. The culprit was caught and that's the end of it."

"Perhaps I should call you Louisa instead!"

"Grace Deacon, if you tell a soul…"

The grin plastered across my face refused to leave. "No more Cassandra, L. I mean it."

He sighed. "Very well. It was fun while it lasted."

"Shake on it."

His hand met mine and gripped it resolutely. I still felt off-kilter when we would touch but I was starting to realize I didn't mind it. While our hands were still connected, I spoke.

"L, even though that case would have been unbelievable, I must say I appreciate that you were concerned enough with my safety to dress in drag and take my place. In that way you may have saved my life after all."

"Then it was worth it. I'm thankful you see that."

My seriousness evaporated with my next question. "Surely there are pictures?"

He let go of my hand in a flash. "No."

"I can ask Matt to hack into the NYPD's database to see if you're lying, you know."

"Go ahead, I've destroyed all evidence."

I got up from the grass and L soon followed. "I have no way of knowing if that's true unless I look myself."

"Grace, I'm warning you…"

"Aha! So there  _is_  evidence! Bye, L! It's been quite illuminating if I do say so myself!"

"What about our handshake?!" he complained. "Didn't that keep me from untold mortification if I didn't call you Cas—er, your birth name?"

I hesitated. "It did, it does. I want to have the incriminating photos if you ever slip, or if I need to laugh like I've never laughed before!"

L came up to me then, silencing me with another stumbling gaze. "Let it be our little secret. Your name will be one as well, just for us to know. Don't friends share secrets?"

I had to relent then. "All right, I won't go searching for photos as long as you keep your word. I mean it, L."

He patted the top of my head and grinned. "Good. Now, I must be off."

"Rescuing Jude?"

L headed back toward the woods, and then spun around mischievously. "No, I have some file deletion to take care of. G, till we meet again."

I gasped as he tore back to the house, but didn't run to catch up. Some things are much better in the imagination than they ever are in reality, though I doubted L could have ever looked homely.

That was impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: Young Blood – The Naked and Famous


	13. Feelings

**Chapter 13. Feelings**

Later in the day, I was laying on my stomach on the front lawn with _The Hound of the Baskervilles_ in my hands, interrupting my reading by giggling every fifteen seconds, annoying Anne as she painted beside me.

"G!" she admonished me with a grin as she splashed more cyan blue on the canvas before her. "I know that book isn't funny. What is it?!"

L dressed as an innocent girl, I couldn't even imagine what kind of wig they had stuck on his head to complete the disguise. For some reason I kept imagining bunches. I absolutely hated that I couldn't tell Anne and tried to smother my laughter. "Nothing, it's nothing really." I deflected, resting my chin on my folded hands keeping the pages from fluttering. Makeup, I wonder if he wore makeup. I snorted and covered my mouth.

"You're driving me crazy today." Anne sighed, going back to her painting. I knew it, and tried to keep quiet. I was acting like a teenager with the senseless laughter over seemingly nothing. I had to admit it was rather fun.

I heard her moving the brush for precisely five seconds before she set it down again. "It's something L said, isn't it?"

"Why would you say that?" I asked nonchalantly, flipping the page.

"Uh oh, reversing the question. It's definitely something about L." my friend deduced triumphantly.

"Who's the detective here?" I demanded, finally looking up at her perched on a stool behind her easel.

"I _live_ with detectives; I'm bound on picking something up about behavior."

"Well, I still can only draw stick figures." I grumbled, hoping she wouldn't find another way in to this query.

"Fritz said that our quiet loner housemate took you somewhere today. Somewhere that you needed to wear your boots…"

I slammed shut my book, annoyed. "Don't the kids here have better things to talk about then where I choose to go on a fine day?"

"Not when it's with L." Anne grinned. "So out with it. Where did you go?"

I let out a groan and sat up. "The pond. We talked and that was it."

"About what?"

"A case." I half-lied, hoping that would stamp out her curiosity.

Her knowing grin was too much to bear. "No you didn't…"

"Why do you sound so sure of that? Were you hiding up in one of the trees recording the conversation for Radio 2?"

Anne looked hurt after that and I rightfully felt guilty. "Annie, I'm sorry. I just don't understand the fuss."

"You never cared when we talked about Lord Andrew," she brought up then, sweeping more blue across her painting. She was making the skies in her picture cloudier then they were at that moment. "In fact, as soon as he'd leave, you'd be in my room going on and on about how much it bothered you that he liked you and how you didn't know how to let him down. Now, you are so defensive if the littlest thing is mentioned. It's so different, Grace."

I sighed, understanding exactly how much Anne had dealt with all of this time. "Well, you don't have to worry about hearing my lamenting anymore. Andrew's gone for good, believe me."

Anne smirked satisfied. "Good. L was jealous of him, you know."

I'd had it with being coy. She was right, she was my absolute best friend in the world and I was shutting her out. She didn't deserve that. "Yes, I gathered that, and Andrew is rather jealous of L. In fact, he was angry that L was staying for a while."

"At last!" Anne cried, abandoning her watercolor to throw her arms around me. I received her hug confused.

"What are you on about?!"

"You see that L's jealous!" she answered smilingly. "It's pretty cute!"

"Cute?! It's bizarre."

Anne let go of me, disappointed. "No it's not. It was inevitable."

"I'm sorry, but have you known a different person than I have these last twenty years? Because any jealous behavior such as this would definitely go under the Unbelievable column in the ledger of Impossible Events."

"You're in denial!"

"I am not. I'm rational. There is no reason why his feelings should have altered this much since the last time we saw each other, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it…eventually."

"You will not. You'll ignore it because it's something you don't understand. And those are the things you usually want to know about because you crave knowledge. So you're going against your own nature to avoid what is standing right in front of you."

I hid my eyes as I knew she was right. About everything. I didn't want to face this new L because he scared me, the main reason being that I didn't find him repugnant like Andrew. "Truly," I answered sheepishly. "Put aside the amazing art career and take on a case or two. You obviously have multiple gifts."

"Haha, nah, I'll leave that up to you…and your husband."

"Anne Walters, I swear on all that is holy…"

"Hey, G?"

I paused from cursing my friend to the depths of hell when I noticed Mello standing behind us, his hand playing with the chain around his neck nervously.

"I'll finish with you later. Yes, Mello?"

"Can I talk to you guys about somethin'?" The smile from the day before was gone, replaced by a distraught look that worried me immediately.

"Of course," I softened, patting the seat on the blanket next to me. Anne set down her paints and settled down on the grass. "What is it?"

He carefully joined us down on the lawn and took a minute to begin. "Uh, right. Have either of you ever, I dunno, had feelings for someone?"

I knew Anne's laughing glance had fallen on me and I purposely didn't look her way. "I don't know. It's rather hard to meet people living here." I answered him.

"Hard, but not impossible." Anne amended lightly. I whirled on her then and she shrugged, the picture of innocence. That woman was treading on very dangerous ground.

"Right," Mello's voice was rough as he let his blonde fringe fall into his eyes. "Not impossible."

I caught his meaning and instantly ran through my mind who possibly Mello could be thinking of. Several of the girls were close to his age, but I hadn't noticed him paying much attention to any of them. "Mello, you don't need to go into specifics, but can you tell us what you're concerned about?"

He reached a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "I dunno, it's just whenever I'm around them, I've started feeling stupid. I can't talk much and end up being cold to them. They don't get it, and they get annoyed with me, calling me an arse and stuff. But it's like, when I see them, I get this warm sensation running all through me and I can hardly look at them when we're in the same room. Is this normal?"

I couldn't speak, but Anne answered for us. "It's natural, Mel. You're at the age when these kind of emotions start taking over. Take it from us, it happens to everyone."

"Not me." I spoke up then, wondering what had happened to my teens. The most admiring I'd ever given was to fictional characters, never any one real. It wasn't until very recently that I'd started getting the flushes and shyness that Mello was recounting. As recent as yesterday for that matter.

Mello's face was awash with sympathy. "Never?" he asked, sorrowfully.

"Don't listen to Grace, she's delusional." Anne winked at my returning scowl. "No really. There is nothing wrong with anything you're feeling. It's possible that she's feeling the same way."

" _She?"_ Mello repeated in surprise. "It's not a girl!"

Anne and I were thoroughly silenced as I now ran through the boys close to Mello's age that may have caught his interest. "Goodness, it's not Near, then?!" I exclaimed causing Mello to throw me a withering glare with disgust.

"What? Hell no! You know what? Forget it, just forget it! Sheesh!" Mello jumped up from the ground looking nauseated.

Anne bit her lip to keep from laughing and I tried to assuage the boy's indignation. "Aren't I allowed to guess? I didn't think it _was_ Near, I was just narrowing it down a bit."

"I didn't come over here to tell you who it is." Mello snapped, "I came over here to know if what I'm feeling is okay. That I'm not a freak."

I tilted my head to the side and smiled knowingly. "Mello if that's all you need to know, I promise you that Annie and I do NOT think you are freak, and in fact, we never could. To be truthful, it's quite wonderful that you care about someone else that much at all. With the way the world is there needs to be more affection."

"There are more willing sources than you know, G." Anne kidded, and I picked up my book and tossed it at her, Anne dodging in more than enough time. Mello watched us, a smile returning.

"What's that about?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing." I shot back as Anne lifted the book from where it had hit the ground and dusted it off. "So do you feel better?"

"Yeah, pretty good, thanks. I'm going to go find something to do. Heh, probably study like the nerd I am." Mello chuckled to himself and then headed back toward the house.

"Wow!" Anne commented as he opened the main door and hurried in, slamming it shut behind him. "Who do you think it is?"

I placed the book in my lap and focused on getting past one page. "It's Matt."

"How can you possibly know that?!" she exclaimed, before realizing what she had said and laughing out loud. "Wait, forget I said that. How about, how did you come to that rapid conclusion like usual?"

"Who else calls Mello an arse? To his face anyway?"

"Yeah, you've got a point." Anne reflected, looking off toward the house. "I guess when you think about it, it's another perfectly matched pair…"

Astutely, I caught her remark. "Anne, enough. Stop imagining my romances and focus on yours."

A sprightly jingle intoned from Anne's pocket and she pulled out her mobile phone to check it. A huge smile spread across her face as she quickly read the message.

"Speak of the devil." I teased. "What did he say this time?'

Anne blushed as she texted a response. "Nothing..."

With immediate reflexes, I dislodged the phone from her hands and read the message response. "I always do when I hear from you." I read aloud, making sure to make my imitation of Anne's voice syrupy sweet.

"G!" she laughed, reaching for it. "Give it back!"

"When is this unbelievable perfect male specimen coming here? Is he afraid of the place? Does he fear me asking him about his prospects?"

"No, we're both just so busy; he can't come down from London yet. With his teaching at the college and all…" she trailed off, slightly embarrassed.

Anne had encountered Liam Cornell at an art opening three months prior. Apparently, from her telling it, the man was gifted with the brush and word, and caused her not to be able to make proper conversation.

"Are you afraid L will challenge him to a paint off?" I ribbed her further as she snatched her phone back and sent her message.

"Oh no, L only defends _one_ woman's honor." she flashed back with a wink.

My returning look was cold as I waited for her to finish. "What did he text to you?"

"Oh, God, just uh, that he missed my smile." She was positively glowing, despite her unease mentioning something so personal. It was fantastic to see my friend so taken with someone, but it was making me start to suspect a romantic epidemic at Wammy's. An epidemic I hoped I was immune to.

"Of course he did, luv. He probably can't finish a piece or a lecture because he's so entranced by it and wondering when he's going to see it again."

Anne happily grinned and slipped her phone away. "It's fun you know."

"What is?"

"Having a crush. Missing someone, feeling that burst when they walk in the room. Feeling warm around them like Mello said." she eyed me mischievously. 'Doing things together, like long walks by the pond..."

"Anne, all I did by the pond, because I'm not too daft to see where you are leading with this, is verbally spar with a man who as of two days ago, I wished to the ends of the earth. He infuriates me at every turn and the only feeling I get around him is irritation."

"Grace Deacon that's a bold faced lie."

"What?"

"You've been giggling about him ever since you came out here. That isn't irritation."

I wanted to tell her so badly. How she would get such a kick out of it. A week ago I would have raced to her with this information. I would have paid money for the pleasure. Now because of the new formed friendship bond, I had to keep silent and look a fool. Damn L to hell.

"There's no harm in it." Anne soothed as her phone jingled again. She couldn't hide her grin as she flipped it open to see Liam's latest message. She passed it to me, the message consisting solely of a colon and an asterisk. "Wouldn't you want someone giving you cute things like this?"

I stared at the display screen completely missing whatever it was that was so _cute._ "What is it supposed to be? A code of some sort?"

"No!" Anne fairly hooted with laughter. "It's a _kiss!"_

I handed her back the mobile very quickly. "Oh."

"No need to freak out!" she sobered, setting the phone down beside her. "I'm just saying it would be nice to have those feelings, wouldn't it?"

Three years. Three years of Andrew coming by the house, sitting with me at tea, watching films in the lounge area with the immense telly, talking constantly about what car he was going to purchase or where he'd like to go on holiday. Despite the brightness of his eyes and the obvious beauty he possessed, my heart had never even skipped a beat in his presence. Apart from when I was worried he was going to try to be clever and bring unwanted attention to himself.

But now, after a few days, not falling headfirst or anything of that soppy sort, I was intrigued by someone. Someone I had never expected to feel chills near or warmth under his gaze, someone who I made a conscious effort to avoid when I had passed him in the hall for years. Someone I had dreamed about the night before, falling asleep smiling recalling the kind words he had offered. Would I really want colons and asterisks from him someday? Wouldn't he taste like pure sugar?

"Gracie-girl?" Anne called to me in a singsong voice. "Are you with us?"

The heat built under my skin and I shook myself out of my unbelievable thoughts. "Uh, yes, I suppose it would be nice to have those feelings, at some point."

Anne was pleased with my answer. "There! I can't wait to torment you about _your_ boyfriend too. You've been so relentless about Lee, it's been agony."

"My apologies," I muttered, my thoughts drifting off again as I saw L approaching us from across the lawn. This was certain proof that he knew my location at all times, or at least was connected to me by some form of magnet. What other explanation was there?

"My _apologies_!" Anne repeated loudly, unaware that he was silently coming closer. "You're starting to sound like him too!"

"Shhh!"

L stepped up to us, looking deeply worried about something. "Er, my apologies, Anne but I need Grace." His voice even carried the same apprehension in its tone.

Anne must have missed it because she beamed up at him. "Of course you _need_ Grace, L! Don't worry about stealing her away again! You can take her for as long as you want!"

I ignored her mortifying behavior and rose to my feet, concerned. "What is it?"

He disregarded the question as he appeared eager to get moving. "Just come with me. It's the little one. Ella. I believe she needs you."

Anne scrambled to her feet as my heart rose in my throat.

We followed him, feeling the same fear that was so recognizable on his face. "Ella? Why? What's happened?!"

I could hear the dear child's wailing before L even pushed open the front door. The tightness in my throat increased. Ella never cried. She was the happiest child that had ever traipsed the halls of Wammy's, even more effervescent than Anne. What could possibly be causing this?

L's expression was grim as he led us down the hallway where several of the other kids were surrounding the little girl who sucked in a breath for another ear splitting sob.

"I'm not doing well enough so far with him, I thought the warning would be enough, but it wasn't…" L explained cryptically as I passed Beto and Walseka to see Ella crumpled on the floor with tears running down her cheeks. Once she saw me kneeling in front of her she flung her tiny arms around my neck. "Miss Gracie!" she cried in a shrill tone so unlike her as I gathered her shivering form to me.

"Poppet, what is it? Tell me, please!" I begged her, frantically as the other children and L and Anne looked on.

"He's, he's a bad boy, Miss Gracie. So bad!" she wept into my neck.

"He told Ella her mum and dad were burned alive!" Beto volunteered looking as stricken as the child in my arms. "And they weren't ever coming back for her! Ever!"

Wordlessly, I looked up over Ella's rumpled black hair for an explanation. L swallowed hard and lowered his voice. "From what I gather, it was Jude. Apparently, he went into some detail about her parents' deaths. None of us even knew it."

Though I knew he felt horrible at what his charge had done, I couldn't help myself. "He is _your_ responsibility," I reprimanded him as I comforted Ella. "I can't understand why Wammy would allow him to come here. What good will he do when he's terrorizing the youngest of the children and refusing be of any help anywhere else?"

"This isn't right," Anne shook her head, upset. "We can't have this happening."

L took the scolding silently then resolutely turned on his heel, striding away from the rest of us toward the stairs.

"Where are you going?!" I called after him as Ella's sniffles finally abated. "Everything we've said is true. There's no point in running away!"

L stopped before he reached the foyer and turned his eyes ablaze with resolve. "I'm not. I'm going to take care of it. I refuse to fail and I won't allow this boy to make a failure of himself in everyone's eyes. Expect an apology from him, or so help me..." he vowed, starting back toward the staircase. I didn't speak anymore and let him go.

Somehow, I was sure he'd put everything to rights by supper. Or dessert at the latest

"L's good, Miss Gracie." Ella noted as she let go off me, wiping her nose on my shirt sleeve. "He makes everything better. Like you."

I stood up and took her hand in mine, leading her to the bathroom to wash her face. "I do my best."

While Ella's gift always soothed and pleased, Jude's was disturbing. More and more I felt fear with him being within our walls, a petrifying emotion resonating more with each step.

After all, if he could see into the past of any of the kids, what on earth did he see with me?

I would have to be on my guard, although shielding mentalists from my mind was something I'd need to learn straight away. It wasn't as if I was in practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Chapter Song – The Artist – The Hush Sound
> 
> New Chapter Song – Sideways – Let's Go Sailing.


	14. Small Triumphs

**Chapter 14. Small Triumphs**

"So he acted all big and tough, Miss Gracie, but I could tell you know, with my heart, that he was scared. I went up to him and said "We're all family here at Wammy's. I can't be with my mummy and daddy but I am happy here."

Ella was bouncing on her knees on the faded eighteenth century sofa that was tucked in the corner of my bedroom. Her sadness had vanished rather quickly. Children's resiliency after upsetting experiences always astonished me. Ella's gift of sensing emotion didn't seem unduly affected either.

"And then he said those terrible things, and upset you, yes?" I asked her as I sat on my bed with my laptop checking messages on the highly encoded work email.

She shook her head empathically. "No, Miss Gracie. He said "Clear off, I don't care." But he _did_ care! So I said "Why are you lying?" and he went and said those mean things." She shifted her legs and started kicking them in front of her, watching the sunlight hit the tops her patent leather mary-janes. "Then _he_ said "Why do you think your parents are still alive? They burned in a fire and you think they simply dropped you off like boarding school?" Her little face grew somber then. She stopped swinging her feet. "I was sad because he was telling the truth. He can see like me, I think. I started to cry and Beto heard me and ran to find a grown up. He told L but Jude ran off before he came. But, Miss Gracie, cross my heart, I don't think he's a bad boy. I didn't mean it when I said he was. I think he's sorry."

"He better be." I answered grimly as I scanned the newest report from Scotland Yard. "Or else he'll have plenty of people to answer to."

"Miss Gracie?" Ella appeared deep in thought with her eyebrows scrunched together.

"Yes, poppet?"

"I know my mummy and daddy can't come back, but I like to pretend they will."

I smiled, understanding and once again marveling at this wondrous child who could bring such love to everyone she encountered, even if she still had much sorrow in her heart. "There's no harm in pretending when you're small, as long as you know it's just pretending."

She changed her position again, resting her head against one of the wine red pillows. "L says it's always okay to pretend."

"Does he?" I answered lightly as I closed the file and ran a hand through my hair.

I could tell her eyelids were drooping as she replied. "Yep, he says that's the only way to feel happy sometimes."

I was struck with sadness by that remark, but carried on. "This is true. But remember you can always come to someone when you're sad. "

Ella yawned. "I know, but he can't."

"No, he chooses not to. There's a difference, love." I whispered, my heart hardening again. "A big difference."

I'm not certain Ella heard me as I read the next lengthy report since I was halfway through when I heard whiffling snoring coming from my couch. She had curled herself up on the cushions and had fallen fast asleep.

I smiled and got up to pick up a light blanket from the foot of my bed to drape over her. Poor heart, what a trying day for a six year old. I dropped a kiss on the top of her head and turned to go back to the file. I froze when I noticed L in the doorway staring broodingly at me as he'd grown accustomed to do. I still hadn't gotten used to it.

"Grace," he spoke, glancing over at Ella. "I've talked with him."

"Good." I answered slowly, wondering why he still stood in the hall with the door wide open. "Come in and tell me what he said. Ella suspects him contrite."

If it was possible to bring color to those pallor cheeks, my invitation did just then. "Er, this is your bedroom." He stated, nervous.

"Excellent deduction, with the bed and all. And?"

"Well, you're the opposite sex," L labored to explain, rubbing the back of his neck. I almost laughed. He couldn't be serious.

"Mrs. C's rule only counts for after nightfall and even then I'm sure we're too old for it to apply to us. Come in, I don't want everyone else to know the business."

L was still unsure as he dawdled at the threshold. Exasperated, I gestured over to the sleeping child. "Look here, we've got a chaperone."

He shrugged then and ambled into the room, thinking a second before shutting the door carefully behind him. He remained at the center of my rug, wide eyed and completely out of his element. "Well, I was able to talk with Jude about what he said to, erm, Ella, and I do believe he is remorseful. Now, I don't have this child's impeccable skill so if he is lying I have no way to know that besides my own gut feeling."

"That usually won't lead you wrong." I let my hands fall to my sides, standing a short distance away from him, also not moving. "Did you stress to him the importance of something like this never happening again?"

"I made myself clear. He will answer to me if he causes the slightest disturbance." L's eyes took on an ominous look that I was thankful wasn't meant for me. "My rein was too slack; he's not dealing with the pig headed clerics any longer. I have more ways to teach him right from wrong than throwing him in a stone prison."

"Good. That's that settled." I finally broke from my stance and went back to my laptop on the bed. My email notification icon on my task bar blinked with a new message. "Ella is okay with him so I guess that's all we should be concerned about. She doesn't sense any malice."

"Children are the best judges of character, I suppose." L glanced around the room until he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Unnerved by his reflection, he turned back toward me when I let out a low whoop. "Is something the matter?" he asked, confused.

My new message had informed me of welcome news. "Penny Entwhistle was reunited with her family in Brixton today." I explained happily, clicking on a video link from the BBC website. "Come see."

L joined me by the laptop but chose to bend over more to see instead of sitting down on the bed. The news video captured precious shots of the adorable child running at a breakneck pace back to her parents' arms. Mr. and Mrs. Entwhistle snatched up their daughter and covered her with teary kisses as the onlookers at the police station cheered. The case had taken two agonizing months but finally the child had been located in Ireland.

"One of your cases?" L asked as I closed the video window, my heart feeling much lighter.

"Yes. She was taken at a fair. She was traced back to a woman from Ballyhaunis. The woman didn't think anything was wrong with taking the girl because she had six siblings." I shook my head sadly. "What pain her parents must have suffered. I'll admit I didn't get much sleep whilst working on it. I seem to make up for it still."

L smirked and I knew he was about to attempt to be superior. "I don't like to bring up old triumphs. Once they're solved, they're solved and that's the end of it. On to the next one."

"Well forgive me not having your restraint." I sallied back. "Perhaps I get too involved but knowing Penny's back with her family makes me want to dance."

L's eyebrows rose. "I didn't know you danced anymore."

"I don't." I sighed, shutting my computer. "But I could."

"What's stopping you?" he enquired then a smile spreading across his face.

"Maybe the presence of the world's greatest detective and Wammy's lightest sleeper in the room." I eyed him, teasing. "No matter, I'll celebrate later."

"With cake?" Of course.

I tilted my head to the side, confused. "Why would you wish to celebrate the solving of my case if you don't rejoice in your own victories?"

His tried to hide his grin with no success. "I'm humble."

I threw back my head to laugh and then immediately covered my mouth when I remembered Ella. "Humble, right."

"I like it when you laugh." He admitted then, shy as anything.

"I never heard you laugh before yesterday." I pointed out, trying to ignore the warm flush that was overtaking my senses.

"Well it's good that you know I'm capable of it."

"You're not a robot, so why wouldn't you be?"

His lips formed a frown. "This conversation is terribly silly."

"It certainly is," I agreed setting the laptop aside. "I'm prone to this sort of exchange these days." _Thanks to you_ , I wished to say.

"Indeed. I must ask, G. How are you able to take such good care of the others? I hate to admit I'm becoming quite tired from this mentoring business." L remarked, displaying a weariness I found humorous.

"The way some of these kids act, I'd rather not have people know that I've helped to raise them." I admitted with a chuckle. "Although, look how we turned out and we were half raised by a devil woman."

"Thank the Gods for Watari." L agreed, wincing at the memories of Coppersmith that still held dominion in his mind. "We could have ended up deviants."

I laughed at that one, albeit softer than before.

"You still check on the kids at night, don't you?" L asked next as he stepped away to take in the view from my tall latticed windows that looked out onto the garden.

"You know about that?" Needless to say, I was still surprised at how much L could absorb with none being the wiser. "Er, yes I do."

"I could never figure out a logical reason why you would do that. I mean, this is a secured property, we have guards, gates, alarm systems, yet you'd creep to each bedroom door and check on the occupants." He mused, warming up to his subject. "Why do you, Grace?"

"I do wish I had a long winded explanation but I don't," I explained, watching how the setting sun brought out almost blue tones in L's dark hair. It was rather mesmerizing. "I just want to make sure everyone's all right. It doesn't need to be an attack that keeps kids from getting their sleep. It can be the newest racing game or gossip in the kitchen. Regardless I just like having all my ducks in a row, if you will. I like everyone safe."

"You never check on me."

Damn him! The battle against blushing for the umpteenth time was lost and I tried to cover my face with my hair before he turned back around. "You're older than me. I assumed that you can take care of yourself."

"Never assume, G." L's voice was firm as his hands connected behind his back. "Remember the detective's code."

I rolled my eyes at that one. "I never recall anything being included in that code that states that members of MI-5 need to tuck in their fellow colleagues and read them a bedtime story. First off, I'm certain your door is always locked and second, you probably wouldn't even be close to sleep if I checked up on you. I'd just be invading your personal space."

"Only if you weren't welcome." He flashed me an uneasy smile then that made me grateful I was already seated.

I cleared my throat, troubled. "Once again, a silly conversation."

"I rather like it."

My mind searched desperately for a new topic. His proximity was starting to become quite unbearable. I actually was thankful for the little chaperone snoozing on the other side of the room.

"You're certain Jude will not say such cruel things again?" I blurted out, receiving a look of surprise from L. "I mean, I don't need to learn some meditation techniques straight away to keep out any prying telepaths in residence?"

"Yes, that won't be necessary." L's answering tone was droll. "Don't be so paranoid."

I took offense to that and got up to meet him by the window so I didn't have to speak loudly. "I have every right to be paranoid. If Jude tells the others my past, I'll be hated!"

"You will not. The kids aren't going to change how they feel about you because of something so minor. Most of them have no idea who their parents were. They can't say anything about your parentage, and once again, he won't say anything to anyone."

"I don't like the idea of someone seeing into my mind." I shivered at the thought. "That's the only place one can have complete sanctuary."

L became solemn then and nodded. "I know. I would not care to have him in my head either, unfortunately as you know, he's already been."

"Luckily that was just concerning your plans for amusement." I said, hoping to be a comfort. "It's not as if he reached into the deep portals of your soul and discovered something you wished to keep hidden."

His returning glance was not one of gratitude, more saddened acceptance. I learned then that Jude Caul had dove further into L's mind that anyone dared dream. What he had found there, I did not wish to know, but L appeared pretty certain that he'd found _something._ "Of course not, I know mind tricks of my own, you know."

"Well, regardless, I'd like you to teach me some." I relaxed as he crossed to my bedroom door. "Or else I'll be only thinking of ponies and ice cream in his presence."

The troubled expression he wore disappeared for a moment as his eyes sparkled. "It's far too tempting to leave you to that. I'm off to make my own rounds, now that I've given my report. Until we meet again, G."

"Fine, be off with you. I have the aid of the internet." I called to him as he exited my bedroom. L departed and I turned to see Ella half awake, smiling at me with bleary eyes. "What kind of ponies, Miss Gracie?"

"Ah Ella," I sighed fondly, plopping myself down next to her. "Just the pretend kind."

* * *

 

 _Fritz had left his stereo on again,_ I noted as I heard the faint music coming from his bedroom that night as I made my rounds, a great deal earlier than the night before. The lack of sleep had caught up with me and I was prepared to crash as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I didn't go in to turn it off, knowing Fritz never put albums on repeat so the music would eventually end. I left his door and hesitated at the one next to it. My stomach did a flip-flop as I approached the sturdy door that was likely booby trapped by poison darts and laser sensors. Regardless, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of deeming me predictable. After a moment, I knocked and turned the knob, becoming terrified when it turned easily in my hand. The door opened as I was met with darkness only muted by a lamp that stood next to the sole piece of furniture in the room. L's bed. Which was empty.

"Grace?"

I jumped when I noticed that he was standing at his own window, apparently looking out onto the violet blues of evening in Winchester. He eyed me with obvious disbelief.

"Oh, uh, I was making my rounds, as usual." I stammered, my hand still gripping the doorknob. I felt the need to be connected to something stationary. "Thought I'd check in. Erm, good night, L….I wish you pleasant dreams."

He still didn't speak as I hastily slipped back out into the hall, but I absolutely heard a soft murmur as I closed the door behind me.

"I will, now."

I stood for a moment in the hallway to think on this. My breath was quick and my heart was pounding in my chest but I wore the most foolish grin that I could scarcely believe. Over "The Misery" of all people. Would wonders never cease?

When it came to wonders, especially today, apparently not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Original Chapter Song from 2009- Nine in the Afternoon – Panic at the Disco
> 
> New Chapter Song: Digging Your Scene - Ivy


	15. Interlude

**Chapter 15: Interlude**

_**L POV** _

_It was a forgone conclusion that I would die in the course of my work. Whether it be struck down in my prime or succumbing in my sleep after a long illustrious career, it was inevitable._

_Dying itself didn't bother me. If it was due to the resolution of a case, it would obviously be for a worthy cause. Life to me didn't seem as precious as people considered it and as improbable as it might be, I imagined a prospect of a place beyond. After all, with such wonders the universe had wrought, it would be wrong to discount an afterlife entirely._

_Then I found something that made life far more interesting than I ever had thought._

_When I was eighteen years of age, I was extraordinarily busy with no thought for anything else but my highly involved duties. I returned back to the school in the south of England where I was raised for a short respite before my next case. Whenever I returned, the other students gave me a wide berth and spoke about me with hushed voices. This occasion was no different. I always ignored them since acknowledging their gossip or misguided awe would turn it into a habit. Unfortunately, it had formed itself into one without my intervention._

_I had arrived at supper time after a fifteen hour flight and Watari had shepherded me into the dining room, deciding it was more important for me to eat instead of sleep. I highly wished for the latter, partly because dessert wasn't ready to be served quite yet, but I followed him, hoping to make it quick. All of the inquisitive eyes that fell on me as soon as I entered a room made me feel uncomfortable, rather like I was an extraterrestrial life form, but I pressed on to endure the company of the others, if only to please my kind benefactor._

_Anne Walters smiled, welcoming as always as I seated myself across from her at the head table. Her close friend, Grace Deacon, in contrast, glared at me over her half eaten main course. Not a word of greeting came from her lips, and I had learned long ago not to expect one. I wouldn't hear her voice until she was ready to cause a disturbance, which knowing our inability to keep civil, wouldn't be far from then._

_I disliked greatly that she was my number two. She was far too emotionally invested in people to be a decent L and she never wanted to learn anything from me about the position at all. Instead, she wished to be out on her own cases, throwing herself at the mercy of any villain with a devil may care attitude that I simply could not tolerate. The foolish girl had a death wish._

_When I died, she'd take my place, picking up where I left off, tracking down a drug cartel in South America or a terrorist in Berlin and probably being hurt or killed in the process. She was merely sixteen and had no clue what faced her outside of the sheltered school. She was entirely unsuitable and Watari refused to take her out of the order. I was not used to my opinion not influencing others, but at Wammy's House, my voice was only as loud as everyone else's. I had learned to deal with it._

_I coldly stared back at her and tucked my napkin in the collar of my shirt. She was fortunate our home had the semblance of a democracy._

_Despite all of this, I wondered why she loathed me so, I did not believe she knew about my efforts to oust her from the order, but regardless, day in and day out for countless years, she had avoided me, and when that was physically impossible, she exploded at me instead. It astounded me how much fire was in that small frame and it was during that first outburst not long after supper that I had an interesting revelation._

_"You think you're so bloody perfect," I remember her snarling as we came to blows in the dining room which had immediately cleared after supper. She stood, banging her fist on the table at the end of her accusation to further drive her point. I cannot even recall what this eruption was about, but as she ranted, I noticed her eyes took on a violet shade. It only appeared for a moment before the original color returned but I felt a compelling need to see the color change again. I had never noticed it before._

" _I don't think," I replied, hoping my words would make my mark. "I_ _ **know.**_ "

_I unfortunately admit that I may have added fuel to the fire so that the color would return with a vengeance. I profited by my goal being met, but had a minor setback when she let out a string of Shakespearean caliber obscenities and stormed from the room, taking her interesting eyes with her._

_I told myself that it was the hue itself that was fascinating, how the irises would transform at the heightening of an emotion. Rather like a mood ring. But I knew that wasn't why I enjoyed it as well as I did._

_For the first time, I found myself somewhat pleased that Grace Deacon was paying me attention at all, even if it was to row._

_It was an intriguing development and one I wholeheartedly did not care for._

* * *

 

_I rarely slept long, but that first evening home, all I could see when I closed my eyes was Grace and her violet blue eyes piercing mine across the dining room table. I resolved the resurging memory to be merely because she had torn me such a strip after supper and prepared to put the matter to rest. It was then I heard her voice as she stopped at the bedroom door across from mine to wish two children goodnight and had to scrub my solution and start over completely._

_"Boys," her voice carried to where I lay awake wide eyed in my bed. "Pleasant dreams."_

_The gentleness of the tone, the warmth I felt from it made my heart react in a way I didn't expect. It affected me profoundly. All I could think was why had she never spoken to me in that way? What had I been missing? Why was I forever on the other end of her rage and fury when she was so capable of being loving and sweeter than I dared imagine? It wasn't fair._

_I closed my eyes again and had the bizarre wish that just once I could hear her say my name with such tenderness. An impossible action. Solely Watari knew my name and he was the only one who ever would. A reckless teenager like Grace would be the last person I'd divulge my identity to, but yet still, to hear her wish me pleasant dreams, with a voice dipped in dark honey. To wake up to her smiling face on the other pillow as sunlight broke…_

_I sat up horrified._

_"No," I told myself firmly. "This isn't going to happen." I flung off my bedclothes and stalked to the other side of the room to select a book from the stack I kept neatly on the floor. Settling myself comfortably on the carpet I began flipping rapidly through the pages of a language book I kept for light perusal. I committed myself to learning a new tongue to keep any such thoughts out of my head, even if it took all night. Such thoughts were useless there. A waste. Sentimental nonsense. None of that rubbish was supposed to affect me, my mind was devoted to analysis and reasoning, nothing dreamy was supposed to pervade its walls. Feeling weak and disgusted with myself, I applied myself harder to my study._

_I practiced a sentence in Icelandic, working on my accent, but then trailed off from converting a paragraph when thoughts of her held me hostage again. An image of holding her in my arms came to me like incense, seeping into my consciousness, she was soft and smelled like lavender…_

_I threw the book down, frustrated. No. She was in line for L, she hated me with a passion. She was my complete opposite. She was hot tempered, overly emotional, nurturing, loving, and unfortunately somewhat pleasing to the eye. Grace Deacon might as well have been the vibrant sun to my isolated moon. Why would I ever think of her in this light? We had grown up in the same home, and now I didn't wish to be gone quite so much. Damn her. She was supposed to mean nothing to me, just one of the other people I'd been raised alongside. She wasn't meant to stand out._

_At that moment I was on the verge of very dangerous thoughts. I had always thought myself at a higher plane of consciousness than the rest of the world. Earthly pleasures such as feelings for another person, I didn't want to have them. They made things complicated, they were not needed. The last thing I needed was to lay awake at night thinking of a girl who would never think of me if she wanted to remain in a good mood. It would be the worst kind of torture._

_I resolved to leave for my next mission as soon as humanely possible, stupidly believing that if I left the orphanage I could leave the terrifying emotions behind also._

_In retrospect, I thought Grace Deacon was foolish, well, she had positively nothing on me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Chapter Song – The Lovers are Losing - Keane  
> For new readers, L POV's will be part of the story moving forward. Hope you enjoyed!


	16. Changes

**16\. Changes**

Anne strode into the great room where I comfortably sat sipping mulled wine and absentmindedly watching the red and gold leaves fall softly outside the window. Without a word of greeting, she plopped down on the other end of the couch and sighed resigned. "Liam's coming to visit."

I stared at her for a second then craned my neck to look back outside up toward the trees.

"Uh, Grace?"

"Hold on a minute, I'm checking to see if the sky's falling."

"Ha ha, funny."

I finally turned to her and laughed. "I'd say it's about time!" She didn't look as pleased as she should. "How long has it honestly been? You met him in January, then the summer passed without a single mention, save for you going to see him four times under the guise of needing to buy "supplies" in London. You can only use so much paint, I wager. What took him so long?"

Anne was uncomfortable as she fiddled with her mobile phone in her hands. "It wasn't him," she admitted. "He wanted to come here, meet everybody, see where I grew up, all that. I just kept telling him it wasn't a good time."

"But why?"

"I think the answer is fairly simple." L spoke up then, engrossed in work at his laptop at the desk. "She's ashamed of us. She doesn't want her male friend to see what a madhouse this is."

"L! That's not true at all!" Anne colored, standing up distractedly. "I just, I'm afraid that everybody might just be a little overbearing for him. He was an only child, he doesn't know what it's like to have kids running around all over the place. It was only his cousin and him growing up."

"I think you're afraid that he'll meet Ella and she'll learn that he plans to propose." I teased, setting down my mug. I saw L smirk at me from where he sat and felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the alcohol. "I'm must say that you've made me feel horrid. I bet you've told him that we are cruel, frightening people of whom he'll take one look and then immediately run for the hills. And that's just awful since all we've heard of him is how sweet he is, and romantic, and erm, affectionate."

"We've definitely heard how affectionate." L rolled his eyes, typing at a ridiculous pace, his concentration returning to the screen. "Something I could have done without hearing in my lifetime, really."

"Oh L, hush. You could have avoided hearing any of our girl talk if you weren't so determined about hanging with Gracie so much." Anne teased back and I blanched, trying to turn the conversation away from the fact that L did tend to be around very often.

"Yes, Annie, we know he's a good kisser and has soulful brown eyes with glints of amber when he laughs, a deep voice and a smile that outdoes the sun." I recovered, repeating the litany I had heard ad nauseum over the summer with a smile. "Also that he's a gifted teacher and artist, loves kids and his grandmother emigrated from Jamaica. We know it all. Now tell me," I leaned forward, my expression serious. "What does he know about us?"

"Nothing, I bet." L commented and Anne groaned.

"L, seriously, cut it out. When the two of you throw a pity party it's unstoppable." My best friend took a deep breath and began. "I hate lying to Lee, but I obviously can't tell him that L's who he is and that you stopped the Liverpool bombing, and have found numerous missing children. I don't like keeping things secret, but he what he thinks is that L's an archaeologist on sabbatical and that you are a great teacher. He also knows G, that you are my best friend and that we're as close as sisters can be, and that I can find you _,_  L, quite charming when you're not speaking which is the complete truth."

"At least you're honest." L shrugged. "I can always bring out the Queen Abatha ring story again if he cares to know about the treasures I've uncovered."

"You so need a new anecdote. It's lost its luster after the fifth telling." I pointed out, feeling a little jump in my stomach when I remembered Andrew Hargrove being told that story the night L came home. The night everything changed.

Anne giggled. "He's been excited to meet you both, but he's kinda afraid of you, Gracie."

I frowned, confused. "He's afraid of me? Why?"

"He knows you won't stop grilling him until you have a twenty page report, that's why." L spoke knowingly, finally turning in his chair. "You can't deny you won't. You're always talking about how we know so little of Liam and how that needs to change so that we can see if he's good enough for Anne."

I blushed as Anne turned back to me grinning. "Aww, does she really? What else do you guys talk about in private?"

My eyes met L's across the room, daring him to go on. I still had quite the arsenal of blackmail as far as he was concerned.

"Many things." he answered calmly. "I've become quite the confidant for Grace."

He was so sure, so confident; I couldn't say anything in response. It was true, over the course of the summer, our trial friendship had progressed so much that I actually felt a bit of pain when he left for a few days for a case. It was never anything time consuming and we'd been fortunate that it had been a quiet summer for crime as a whole, but I still felt so foolish when I realized how much I looked forward to him back coming home each time.

I was worse than a bloody damsel in distress anymore.

Sometimes when we spoke, it made me laugh to think of how much we had always found reason to fight about anything. Why weren't we allowed to agree? The two of us must have been incredibly allergic to pleasantness. Now, it amazed me to see how much we came eye to eye to subjects ranging from literature to the news to the kids themselves. He had an uncanny ability to know how to cheer me up when I felt low and it seemed like we would spend hours talking when I'd stop by his room to say goodnight. I had begun to look forward to the last stop on my rounds immensely. It was definitely not like Anne and Liam, not that I'd ever seen the two of them together, but I did feel that there was something special there, something hopeful, something warm.

Not that it mattered because nothing was ever going to come of it.

"L has for me too," I added, managing a smile. "Deep, dark secrets, what have you. Old cases, wacky adventures."

He immediately sobered, imploring me to stop before the truth got out.

"Wacky adventures?" Anne beamed, crossing to where L was working, leaning against the desk. "Anything good?"

He looked up at her startled and blinked. "No, nothing amusing. Grace is exaggerating."

"Like hell I am. Anne, really, who are you going to believe?"

Anne appeared about the respond, but her infernal mobile started ringing instantly diverting her thoughts. "He's coming tomorrow, guys. Mrs. C already knows. I gotta go take this! See you later!"

She was gone from the room a second later; banging shut the door behind her.

I sighed and went back to watching the leaves.

"You weren't going to tell her, were you, G?"

I could feel L's eyes fixedly on me and still kept my gaze on the vibrant colors trickling down outside of the window. "Tell her what, exactly?"

"You know. New York." L explained impatiently, evidently disliking that I wasn't giving him my full attention.

"No. I have no physical proof to back up my claim, thanks to you and your deleting of any incriminating material. I can't guarantee that she'd believe me anyway."

"Grace, look at me."

I groaned, and didn't oblige him. "Lord, I'm telling the truth, Jude and Ella could tell you that if you doubt me so highly. I'm not a five year old you must coax from lying."

"I know that." His voice was soft. "I'm asking you to humor me. Will you?"

I wondered how much he did see when he looked in my eyes anymore. There was no more coldness there, I knew that. That had been replaced by a frustration and defeat I didn't like to see when I caught myself in the mirror. I missed him when he was gone, my heart would lift when he called my name and yet the distance was still vast. I didn't want him to know how I'd changed over the summer, how when Anne would gush about her Liam, I could understand her feelings and wish I could do the same. Nothing had happened, solely the established fact that we were friends, becoming better by the day. The only thing we'd ever be because we were both so terribly scared to do anything about it.

I exhaled deeply once more, controlling to the best of my ability the emotion that was sure to show through if I wasn't careful. I jumped when I realized L had slipped over to the couch and was now crouching beside me, drinking my expression in fully.

"Sadness pervades your features anymore. I wish you'd tell me why." He said concerned as I dropped my eyes from his that missed nothing.

"No you don't." I answered, unnerved, reaching for my cooling mug of wine and standing up from the sofa. "I need to finish my letter. I'll talk to you later."

"Gracie."

I stopped short at hearing my name the way only my closest family had ever spoken it. Coming from him it sounded almost possessive. I automatically turned back to face him. "Yes?"

"I assure you I want to know what's troubling you. Even if it's only how the red leaves aren't falling at a pace with the yellow, I'm interested. Please."

Flushing, I sat back down, concentrating on inspecting my fingernails. "All right, I have a strong suspicion that Liam Cornell is perfect for Anne. The sort of love that's written in the stars."

L nodded, intrigued. "Go on."

"Well, it's selfish, I know it, but what if they marry?" I looked up worriedly into his eyes then. "Anne has lived in the room next to mine for nineteen years or so. How can I handle it when she's gone? When I'm...alone?"

L didn't seem to think this was serious as I did. "But you won't be." He answered simply. "You could never be alone here, even if Anne does agree to this man's proposal, which I'm quite certain he hasn't addressed her with yet. There's always others around to occupy one's self with."

I shook my head, bothered. "Right, whatever. I love the kids, don't get me wrong, they are everything, but Annie is my best friend. She's different than them. You wouldn't understand."

"I believe I do. You are mine, after all."

He rendered me speechless as I gaped at him. He didn't look uncomfortable in the slightest. "Well aren't you?" he pressed, wearing a shy smile. "We spend time together, we talk. I tell you things. Wouldn't that make you my best friend, or am I wrong? Does that term only refer to females?"

I smiled genuinely at him, feeling a little better. "No, it applies to anyone. I suppose I could say apart from Anne, you're my best friend as well." Never in a million years had I thought I'd ever say those words without having them drip with sarcasm. Things certainly had changed.

L was pleased. "There now. See?"

"But you will leave too. Like you always do." My voice was hushed, suddenly feeling cold. "Both of my best friends will be gone, leaving me here. I know we all have to grow up sometime, but I'm not ready yet."

"I always come back."

I turned away from his earnest gaze, embarrassed. "I know. Ignore me, I'm just continuing the pity party on my own."

"I must say, it's nice to have something to look forward to when I come home now though."

He said it quietly and made me feel like I was carrying on about nothing. To imagine nothing waiting for you at the place of your childhood. For home to be the same as any hotel. For the people you were raised alongside to be strangers. I truly felt horrid about going on about being lonely as much as I had. It was nothing compared to what L had endured.

"Yes, those chocolate cakes Mrs. C has made have definitely been worth the trip, huh?" I joked, relaxing against the back of the couch. "Although she's particularly irritable while she's baking them. You're fortunate you miss that."

"You must suffer for your art, I suppose." L mused, before commanding my attention again. "Are you sure that is all that is bothering you, Grace?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Yes, now I'm sure that tomorrow all my fears will be allayed when we realize that Liam is not half the perfect man Anne has made him out to be and I'll have worried about nothing."

"Doubt it." L teased, his tone amused. "But we will see." He stared at me then, looking as if he wished to say more. I couldn't break the forcible hold his eyes had on mine.

"L?"

He came forward then, striking fear into the very core of my being before I felt his arms loosely fall around my shoulders and pull me close. "Cheer up, G. There's no need to be a grown up yet. I'll let you know when that has to change."

I laughed softly and returned his hug. "Fine, I leave it up to you."

"I'm two years older than you and I haven't grown up yet, so don't expect the notice any time soon." He replied merrily as he let me go. "Now, I have to get back to this case, but I swear to you it's not a grown up action since I find it enjoyable."

"Right." I rolled my eyes. "Go on, then."

He grinned ruefully and headed back to his laptop while I fell back into daydreaming. Things were okay the way they were now. I knew I was cared about, even if it was only an inkling of what it could be. My eyes opened wide as I noticed the leaves again.

"Goodness."

"Hmm, what?" L absorbedly asked from his seat.

"The red leaves  _are_  falling faster than the yellow. How odd."

"Grace Deacon," L snorted, his typing resuming. "There's nothing wrong with being odd. We've got along rather fine that way, haven't we?"

I stuck my tongue at him and smiled, feeling wonderfully juvenile. "I'd have to say yes to that."

It was wonderful to be odd. Especially not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Original Chapter Song from 2009: 1234 – Feist
> 
> New song – Don't Leave Home – Dido
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	17. Impressions

Chapter 17: Impressions

Morning brought a cool breeze to the trees alive with autumnal color outside my window and Anne pacing around my bedroom at dawn. Bloody dawn.

"You've never even been like this for a show opening!" I muttered groggily, burying myself further under the covers. "He's not coming for hours yet!"

Anne, fully dressed in an olive dress and black leggings with a green scarf tied in her hair, sat down at the head of my bed, continuing to disturb my sleep. "Gracie!" she wailed. "What if he hates it here? What if he thinks we're all weird and he's mad that I lied to him? What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore?!"

Far too many questions for sunrise, but I raised my head from the pillow and opened one eye more fully. "If he thinks that, he's not worth thinking about, and he's also quickly sinking in my estimation."

Anne bit her lip, deeply troubled. "No, he's not like that. It's just that we're an unusual bunch, you know? I mean what if Jude says something to upset him? I didn't talk about his abilities to Lee."

"Jude hasn't terrified anyone in a long time." I assured her, yawning. "It'll be fine."

"I hope so." Anne trailed off, her eyes falling past me toward the headboard. "Hey, what's that?"

I was too sleep drugged to see what she meant and smashed my head back into the feather pillow. "Mmmpphhg, wha?"

Something was tugged out from under my pillow and I realized too late what she'd found. My eyes flew open as ice stole into my heart. This was bad…

"This!" she beamed, holding up her wrinkled sketch and waving it in my face. "Care to explain?"

Blushing furiously, I yanked the coverlet over my head wishing her to the ends of the earth. Damn, damn, damn!

"Grace Deacon!" The evil woman laughed, her own cares thrown to the wayside. "What are you doing with this?! Are you gazing at it before bed? Hmm? Do you have a thing for tennis players anymore?"

"Leave it." my disembodied voice commanded fiercely from under my barricade. "Let me be pathetic without having to bloody explain myself!"

I gasped then as I was squeezed within an inch of my life by my hopelessly optimistic best friend. Her enthusiasm was not contagious this morning. "Oh, girl! This is so incredibly adorable! Do you really have a crush on L? Oh my gosh! I had a feeling!"

I ripped the covers off of me and shrugged out of her hug in a panic. "Can you keep it down? I don't want this nonsense broadcasted!"

Anne, for all her tormenting, did possess common sense and stopped gushing at the top of her lungs. "How long?" she whispered instead, her eyes shining.

I groaned. "You don't want to know that. Really."

"Of course I do!" she was now bouncing up and down on my bed. For the love of all that was holy, how old was she? Was she regressing? "We always talk about Lee, why can't we talk about L?!"

"Because besides that fact that the two of them share an initial, the situations are completely and vastly different."

"They are not! Gracie, really tell me how long. Don't break my heart and say it's been years!"

"Years?" I cried in disbelief. "Are you mad? You think you wouldn't have gotten it out of me if I'd been mooning about for years?"

Anne thought for a minute, then nodded. "You're right, I would have picked up the signs. But seriously, this is perfect, so perfect! What are you going to do?"

My annoyance made way for helplessness. "Nothing! And neither are you." I snatched the picture out of her hands, shoving it back in the drawer in my bedside table. "I can't believe I was so careless. Just forget it!"

Anne's heightened emotions didn't profit from my words. She looked crestfallen. "You weren't going to tell me? Ever? But we're best friends! Sisters! Doesn't that allow me access to your deepest darkest secrets?"

"Annie, it's mortifying, and if word got out, I'd lock myself down in the headquarters until the last generation of kids who knew me had grown up and left this place. You're happy with Liam, and it's a healthy romance. This, this is wrong on every possible level!"

"Why?"

"Why? How many reasons do you need?!"

"You're doing that repeating thing, even I know that means you're lying." Anne's facetious grin was back with a vengeance. "There's no reason in the world that you can't like L. You obviously think he's kind of cute, don't you?"

"He is also a self-avowed loner, heading for a diabetic coma and gifted with the bloody knack to say the one thing that wants me to throw something at him. Apart from the fact that I'm his successor, which in itself makes it all impossibly awkward."

"He also has been making himself very useful teaching the kids, not fighting with you half as much, and opening up more." Anne counted the good attributes on her fingers. "Besides, when you smile, he smiles. I don't think you've noticed that."

I shut my eyes and shook my head. "I don't want to notice that."

"Why?" There was that infernal question again. A rather poignant one.

"Because!" I declined to go any further. "Now, may I get some more sleep before this house erupts in pandemonium with the arrival of your man?"

Anne sighed, relenting, and stood up from my bed. "Fine, fine, I'll let you sleep. I'll go be nervous somewhere else."

"A thousand thanks." I closed my eyes and snuggled back under the covers.

"Just one question before I go."

Blast! I opened an eye to see Anne leaning against my bedpost looking thoughtful. "Do you love him?"

For a moment, I'm sure my heart stopped as I stared at her dumbfounded. I was fully awake now. "Love? You're asking if I love L?"

She nodded serenely and made no move to leave me in peace.

"Truly, that's what you're asking me?" I sputtered, my heartbeat now going double time.

Anne tilted her head to the side. "Stalling to find a reasonable lie?" she teased. Damn, she had all of our tricks down pat.

"I-I don't know." I gave in, completely lost. "I don't know how to define anything anymore."

The floodgates would open if I wasn't careful. Anne eagerly settled back down on my bed and for the first time that morning I was thankful she was there and even cared. It'd been hell dealing with this mess over the summer with no one to confide in. I felt very stupid for keeping her out.

"If it helps, I didn't know either." She said lightly, toying with the sheer scarf in her hair. "All that talk of love at first sight. I think it's a load of rubbish."

"The first time I saw L I burst into tears and told him to go away," I recounted L's memory softly. "So I suppose you're right."

"What do you think when you look at him now, Gracie?"

Embarrassed, I kept my eyes fixed on my cotton bed sheet. "I don't feel hate, I don't feel bad about myself anymore. I just feel…odd."

She smiled. "That's a start."

I warmed up slowly, amazed that I was speaking these words out loud. "I sense his gentleness, his concern, the way his mind is constantly whirling, all of it. I even find his awkwardness endearing. I feel, care toward him, but anger battles for dominance. I don't know why, I suppose it may have to do with feeling anything at all around him anymore, it's uncomfortable."

"Well, he clearly cares about you." Anne broached cautiously. "Does that help at all?"

"No, it makes it bloody worse."

"Sheesh!" I could tell she'd had it with diplomacy. "Why don't you want to be happy, Gracie?"

"Happy?" I said giving her a cross look. "You think I'll be happy if I find a boyfriend like you? Is that the cure to all of life's woes? Pair up or wither and die alone?"

"You are so dramatic. No, not just any boyfriend, just our favorite sweet tooth sleuth." She realized her rhyme and let out a gale of giggles. "Sweet tooth sleuth! You've gotta tell him that one!"

"Not even if I was being tortured by Andrew Hargrove singing the Top 100 Singles Chart backed by a polka band."

"I'd kind of like to hear that." she allowed. "It'd be funny. Andy sure does love to sing."

"I'd rather be starved to death than hear another note from him again."

Anne grew serious and looked away from me. "Gracie, don't talk like that."

"Like what?" I asked, wondering why her effervescent light had dimmed so abruptly.

"Talk about being tortured." She mumbled, her bottom lip quivering. "It reminds me of the danger you and L might face out there."

I sighed and gave her a hug. "Annie, it won't happen. The both of us are too secluded to ever let that come to pass."

"I still worry." She insisted. "Do you feel that way when he leaves?"

I hung my head and released her. "This summer I have. I hate myself for not caring before, I should have always cared."

"I pray." Anne shrugged. "I'm so relieved when he comes back. I'm always terrified he won't."

A place deep inside ached at the thought, but I didn't let the pain take hold. "He truly does keep himself protected. Wammy is always with him when he travels long distances. You know L, he would think our worrying is pointless."

"I'm sure he's happy someone worries." Anne's eyes took on their familiar light again. "Especially you."

I blushed again and rested back against my pillow. "It's impossible not to. Now, I want to be at my best to meet your soulmate, so further beauty sleep is a necessity."

"Gotcha." Anne grinned. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes…Kidding!" She made her way to the door and stopped with her hand on the doorknob. "Don't worry. I won't say anything about you know-who. Your secret's safe with me."

"It better be." I warned, sleep overtaking me again. "Or else you're going to be forced to listen to Hargrove destroy Robbie Williams songs for an unconfirmed amount of time."

The last thing I saw as my eyes slid shut was her frown. "That actually might be awful."

"Exactly, being it torture and all."

"Right, say goodnight Gracie!"

"Burns and Allen's jokes at this time of the morning, also not a good idea." I muttered as she left my room giggling. I glanced at my closed drawer next to my bed and cringed. If he only knew, I'd never hear the end of it.

Two o'clock rolled around with still no Liam. To say Anne was a bit unnerved was an understatement.

"Annie, he's coming." I reassured her again as I sat outside on the front steps with L in a semblance of moral support. "He probably got lost."

"Highly likely." L agreed as he watched Anne pace in the drive. "There's no cause for concern."

She threw her hands in the air at a loss. "Maybe he turned around and went back to London. Maybe he changed his mind!"

"If he cares for you like you say, there is no way wild horses would keep him from coming here." L replied simply, receiving two surprised stares in return which he didn't react to. "Now come sit down, you're making me feel dizzy."

Anne's wide grin was back and she hurried over to us, giving L a fierce hug around his neck. "You're too cute. Isn't he, Gracie?"

Leave it to Anne to break a confidence in less than half a day, I gave her a look as she let him go and plopped down between us. "Er, well… Hold on a minute, is that his car?"

I loved Liam Cornell already for having perfect timing.

She peered straight ahead and squealed as the main gates opened. "It is! He made it!" She drug me up to my feet as an older model Mini passed through the gates and made its way up the winding drive to where we stood.

Anne was bouncing on the tips of her toes as the car parked in the drive. The door opened and she let out a squeal that startled an unprepared L.

"He's here!" she screeched, now gripping my hand tightly.

"Yes, I can see that." I winced, as a tall, dark skinned man wearing a grey beanie hat and a wide grin climbed out of the car and held out his arms to the giddy girl by my side causing me bodily harm.

"Baby! I got lost three times! All the roads look the same round here!" he cried, in a thick cockney accent and Anne finally broke apart from us to fly down the stairs and throw herself in his arms.

"Lee! You made it! I'm sorry, my mobile battery's dead and I'm not the best navigator. I didn't mean for you get lost!"

Liam shook his head as he kept his arms firmly locked around her waist. "No matter, it was worth it now."

Anne blushed as he proceeded to kiss her with a passion that caused me to cast my gaze down to my shoes and for L to inspect a loose thread on his shirt sleeve with fervent concentration.

I only knew they had broken apart when I heard Anne's voice again. "Come meet my family. They've been dying to meet you!"

"Brill!" Liam exclaimed in response, making me wonder how he was able to work his lips after the lengthy snog. But then again, they had had quite a lot of practice.

My best friend literally skipped up to us holding Liam's hand. Never in my life had I ever seen a better matched pair, but I kept this revelation to myself. Relying on natural instinct may not be enough to determine his worthiness for her.

"Liam," she grinned breathlessly. "This is my sister, Grace Deacon. Grace, this is Liam Cornell!"

I extended my hand to him and offered a smile. "How do you do, Liam. We've heard a great deal about you."

The rumored fear Anne had mentioned was fully prominent in Liam's eyes as he took my hand and gave a polite handshake. "Ah, good to meet you, Grace. I heard you girls grew up together."

"Right, I have plenty of embarrassing stories, don't hesitate to ask."

"Gracie!" Anne flashed me a look then turned Liam to face L. "And this, Lee, is my friend, L. He's grown up here too."

L repeated my handshake and pierced Liam with his eyes. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance." He intoned as Liam shook his hand, all the while staring at him in astonishment. I wondered how Anne must have described him.

"Wow, same here, mate. Annie tells me you're a treasure hunter, like Indiana Jones. That's brilliant!"

L blinked. "Who?"

"L doesn't watch many films," I rushed to recover. "Well, come on inside. Anne's family is quite extensive. We're just the welcoming committee."

Liam looked up at the house and let out a whistle. "You ain't kidding. How many kids did you say there were here, Annie?"

"Uh, well, a lot." Anne answered quickly leading him to the doors. "Follow me."

Anne and Liam went inside and I turned to L with a laugh. "I swear she told him there's only ten kids including us."

"He's in for quite a surprise, then." L noted as we heard Anne introducing Liam to Fritz and Jinya. "So Detective G, out with it. What do you make of him?"

I sighed. "It's probably too soon to tell, but I'm worried."

L's eyes were full of concern. "Why is that?"

"Because I'm certain I'll be the chief bridesmaid and have to wear an atrocious rainbow colored frock and also organize a raucous hen's night in less than a month's time."

He laughed quietly, then touched my arm. "You'll be able to let her go, then? I mean, if he's the one?"

I smiled feeling a sweet sorrow and met his gaze. "I can't stop love, can I?"

His returning smile was strained as his voice became rough. "No, Grace, I suppose you cannot." He adverted his eyes from mine as he shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled inside to join the others. I stood alone on the steps, wordless and frozen.

Some things in life you can't control no matter how much you want to. Wammy had taught us that in our childhood.

I certainly didn't appreciate that I was powerless when it came to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2009 song: Written listening to Hell No by Sondre Lerche and Regina Spektor.
> 
> New song – You Give Me Something – James Morrison
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	18. Sparring

**Chapter 18. Sparring**

When I came back into the house, Liam was gawking in stunned surprise at Beto and Mello engaged in a plastic swordfight on the stairs, Ella and Kensey singing a medieval round with Waleska at the top of their lungs while prancing in a circle and Near laying sprawled in the hallway putting together a puzzle and wearing a look of massive disgust. A pretty mild first encounter, really.

"Welcome to Wammy's." I spoke up joining him as Anne tried to quiet the girls down a few decibels before they grabbed her hands to drag her into the dance with them.

Liam turned to face me, his eyes wide. "This is everybody, right? I've counted ten people besides Annie."

Oh how I wished to let him believe this falsehood, but I sighed and shook my head. "There's a few more, but not to worry, they aren't all this boisterous."

"Boisterous." He repeated in a daze, jumping when Beto crashed into him, still brandishing his toy weapon.

"Never surrender!" the tyke piped up as Mello approached, holding his sword out with a humorous sneer.

"Good for you to say so, for I have no mercy." He announced dramatically taking a swipe at Beto and of course hitting Liam instead.

"Yipe!" Liam cried out, clutching his arm.

"MIHAEL!" I shouted, grabbing the sword out of his hand and in one quick motion turning it on him, my fencing tutoring finally being utilized. "Enough is enough!"

Liam staggered a few steps before sinking to his knees, his face taking on an expression of severe pain. "No, no, he got me. It's all over. Annie, Annie luv! Avenge me!" He toppled over to his side and went limp. The kids giggled and my sword clattered to the floor. I truly shouldn't have been surprised.

"Anne," I addressed my sister as her boyfriend lay prostrate on the marble floor. "I think Liam will do fine here. He's as crackers as the rest of us."

Anne twirled Ella in a circle and laughed. "I'm glad you think so!"

I turned to make a droll comment to L but realized he was nowhere to be seen. A mild ache hit my middle as I remembered the last look I'd seen before he had left me speechless outside. It was probably better he had went off on his own when he was in those type of moods, but I was disappointed all the same.

I glanced back down at Liam, still lying on the floor motionless with his tongue hanging out. Near had abandoned his puzzle to stare at him and appeared almost fascinated which certainly took some doing.

"Do you plan to be dead all day or are you going to meet Mr. Wammy?" I asked, my hands on my hips, slightly amused.

"Ah, Annie, is this your young man?"

Liam's eyes flew open as Wammy had come from the west wing, his hands behind his back wearing a rueful smile. He jumped up to his feet and snatched his beanie off of his head holding out his hand. "Er, Mr. Wammy, it's a pleasure to meet you, sir, no, an honor! I hope you don't mind, just having a bit of fun, that's all."

Wammy shook his head gravely. "Well we can't be having that. One person starts having fun and it turns into an epidemic. Difficult to stop that kind of thing, you know." He sternly eyed Liam over the top of his bifocals, most likely terrifying him.

Liam gulped and I hid my smile. Before he could say anything else, Wammy laughed and slapped Liam's back. "Just joshing you, lad! Well, Annie, come here, dear! So this is the elusive Mr. Cornell, eh?"

Anne left the girls and reached the two of them, suddenly shy. "Yes, sir."

"I'm not elusive of me own choosing, mind you," Liam had warmed up to Wammy fairly quickly. Not surprising since they were both horrid pranksters. "She kept postponing my visit. There was the day when she said everyone had the measles…"

Mello lifted up the hem of his shirt and inspected his chest for any possible outbreak.

"Then she said there was a ghastly storm coming and she was afraid I'd drive off the road into a ditch and my car would flood…"

"My dear girl!" Wammy chortled. "It's as if you didn't want us to meet your friend!"

Liam took in Anne's sheepish look with mock dismay. "It's like I've been dating a stranger!" he remarked.

Anne laughed, grabbing his arm. "Lee, I was trying to protect you!"

"Ah, the truth comes out! She  _is_  ashamed of us!" I joked, pouting. "And to think, we're her  _family_. It's enough to produce a tear."

As Anne vehemently protested doing anything to purposely keep Liam away from the rest of us, I noticed L at the top of the stairs hidden out of plain sight.

He stood against the wall and covertly gestured for me to come join him.

My heart was stopping up in my throat as I tried to carry on the conversation. "Well, he's here now and he's to see  _everything_. Warts and all."

"Ah, yes. Come, lad. There's still many people to be introduced to." Wammy said then, wearing a wry smile under his mustache.

"Many?" Liam yelped to Anne, and I grinned, turning to hurry up the stairs, making my exit unnoticed.

I met L somewhat breathlessly in his shadowy corner. "Acting schizoid already? I thought that would have taken several hours."

"I have to ask." He appeared deep in thought "Who is this Indiana Jones Liam spoke of?"

I sighed, used to having to explain pop culture references to my befuddled friend. "A film character known to mostly anyone alive in the last twenty or so years whose occupation is what you claim to do when you're not here." I gave him a winning smile. "Would you want to watch one of the DVDs? I can show you who he is then, although I honestly think you much more like an introverted James Bond than anyone."

He was still lost. "Once again. Who?"

I giggled and looked up into his eyes, the laugh dying as I read his troubled expression. I sobered, getting an uneasy feeling. "L, what is it?"

He cleared his throat, his face stoic. "I-I'm leaving again. I depart early this evening. I thought you should know."

I couldn't deny I wasn't gravely disappointed. I focused on the polished floorboards beneath me.

"G?"

"You just came back." I spoke plainly, trying to ignore the deep sadness I felt. "What's so important to make you leave again? Can't they catch one measly criminal without you?"

L wouldn't look at me. "It's not a case." He answered in a matter of fact tone that sliced right through my heart. "I just need to remove myself from here for a while."

"Oh." I stepped back, feeling like I had been slapped. "Right."

Of course I came to the conclusion that I was falling for this man when he planned to run away. Why would things ever work out perfectly? My past life experiences refuted that.

"I'm going to Scotland." He continued like I wanted to hear anymore. Hadn't he just promised that he'd always come back? That we were best friends? Did that term have no relevance?

"How lovely." I couldn't hold back my bitterness. "Safe journey." I now stared past him, still not understanding the urgency of this jaunt. We truly did tell each other everything anymore. A planned trip up north would definitely have been mentioned. He didn't make any sense and it angered me more every second.

He sensed my change in attitude and matched it with his own. "Thank you. I'm sure it will be pleasant." He leaned into my line of view, not liking that I was trying to pretend that he wasn't there. "Does this bother you?"

How dare he? I turned and managed my brightest smile, the one that always charmed Andrew. "Of course not! You obviously want to go without consulting anyone so get on with it! Now if you'll excuse me." I brushed past him, heading for my bedroom.

"Grace?"

I kept walking. I wouldn't look back for any amount of money.

"Grace, I wasn't finished talking to you."

"That's a pity," I snapped, reaching my door. "Because you are under the mistaken impression that I care."

My hand gripped the doorknob and I was taken aback when it didn't turn. Not the dramatic exit I sought by a long shot. He stood leaning against the wall watching me struggle with the door and offered no assistance.

"It's stuck." I muttered, trying desperately to ignore his eyes boring a hole through me. I gave my door a good kick which caused me to yelp in pain and become fully angry when I heard him chuckle afterwards.

"It's not stuck. It's locked." He explained simply, presenting a ring of keys from the back pocket of his jeans. "I didn't want you stomping off so I took the proper precautions to keep that from happening."

"Pardon?! You locked my  _door?_ Who do you think you are?!" I cried, beside myself. " _I_  can't even lock it from the outside. Did you nab that off of Mrs. C? Give me that key!"

"Er… No."

I gave him a withering look and let go of the knob knowing I must look like a fool trying to get it to magically unlock, while providing amusement instead. "Very well," I huffed, striding two doors down on the opposite side of the hall. This door opened easily. "Ha! Didn't think this far ahead, did you?" I announced triumphantly, slamming the door behind me as I escaped inside.

"Eeek! Oh my God!"

"Lord, Grace! Get out of here!"

I turned to see I wasn't alone. Fritz's bedroom was also populated by Fritz and Jinya in a state of undress. Jinya quickly slid her bra strap back on her shoulder as Fritz looked at me with annoyance from under seriously tousled hair.

"Is this a bloody plague?!" I cried out then, wondering if there was something in the water. "We, er, we'll talk about this later. Jinya, put your clothes back on for pity's sake." I stammered and flung open the door to flee.

L stood in front of me with an impish smile when I returned to the hallway. "No, I didn't think that far ahead, but I bet you wish you had."

I fought the color down in my cheeks. "Leave me alone. I think you are terrible."

"Because I locked your door?"

"Yes, that's one of many reasons. Would you like a list?"

"Do you know why we never got on, Grace?" he was ambling behind me as I stalked further down the hall eager to get rid of him. "It is the simple fact that you would always storm off before the matter was settled. You never stayed long enough to deliberate reasonably."

"The matter  _is_  settled." I seethed, stopping. "You're leaving again, you didn't even talk to me about it, and I'm supposed to just let you go, even though I'm certain you don't have a blooming clue where you're going or why. I think you're the one storming out before the row is over. Now, I'm off. There has to be one room in this house that doesn't have half-naked people in it!" I pushed past him beyond enraged.

"I didn't know I had to ask permission to leave." L commented then.

"You don't. It just would be nice to mention it more than a few hours before you go. I thought you were going to help me get to know Liam."

"Interrogate him relentlessly you mean. I'm sure you can do that without me." He shrugged.

Had I truly twenty minutes prior felt like I could care for this git? This shocking of my senses was a thumping good reality check. I'd pack his case myself!

"Yes, I'm certain I can do a LOT of things without you." I answered nonchalant. His expression finally turned downcast at that and I felt absolutely no remorse.

"I would rather you didn't." he said quietly.

I glared back at him. "Hard luck!"

L sighed, and the hair hanging in his eyes fluttered with his breath. "Grace, if I promise to unlock your door afterwards, will you stay and participate in a rational discussion?"

"First off, how rational will the discussion be when you're holding me hostage? There's nothing to discuss."

"How about  _why_  I'm taking a holiday?"

"I'll reiterate. I don't care. It's not my business. If I were to guess it's because someone new is here and you don't want to waste your precious time being friendly and social."

"I'm not that transparent." L disagreed. "I find him amiable."

I raised an eyebrow. "Just not worth getting to know."

"I said that learning his ins and outs can be placed very capably in your hands. What else do you wish me to say?"

"What's in Scotland?" I demanded abruptly, tiring of this round about speech.

He stared back at me perplexed. "Er, well there's towns, industry, tourism…haggis?"

I rolled my eyes to the heavens. "L, I meant what is there for  _you?"_

"I simply would like to go there. Shockingly, I've never been."

I crossed my arms. He was doing my head in. "I could say that about a lot of places. You're not taking Wammy with you. Having Liam here is important to Anne, she wants him around."

L's lips formed a thin line. "Watari does not need to accompany me everywhere I go. I am not a child."

I wished to say his impulsiveness certainly led my opinion in that direction but I remained silent.

"And furthermore, I do not need to report my comings and goings to anyone either." He continued on his power trip. "I spent ten years not having to do that and I don't expect to start now."

I still couldn't gauge him. If the Scotland trip was just spontaneous why did he seem so upset? So infuriated? There was something more he wasn't telling and I didn't have the faintest clue what that something was. I decided to throw out a few lines and see what I could catch in return.

"No, honestly it's good." I looked up at him, disguising any defeat in my eyes. "We've been spending far too much time together. It's probably best that you go away for a bit."

I could tell this hurt him, and I wondered if I possibly had anything to do with his sudden departure. "You think so?"

"Um, yes."

"How about if I don't go after all?"

I gasped, exasperated. "What? L, if this was another cruel lie like the one about Beyond…"

"It's not. What if I cancel my plans and don't go? Will you still say we shouldn't be friends? Or is that out of spite?" He truly did look piqued and his inescapable eyes were sparking with irritation.

"You underestimate my friendship. You-you just don't understand what it's like to be ...left."

"Left?"

"Left behind. Never mind. It's no matter." I looked away embarrassed and held out my hand. "May I gain entrance to my room now?"

"We've all been left at some point, Cassandra Grace." L's voice was low, the fire in his eyes reducing to embers. "I  _am_  capable of that feeling."

"Then perhaps you'll sympathize. Enjoy your deep fried Mars bars or what have you. If you need this holiday because you're exhausted, I hope you find rest. Now, before you leave, if you could you unlock my door I'd greatly appreciate it."

"What's in your bedroom?" It was his turn now as he still held on tightly to the key ring.

"My bed, my books, my clothes…Peace from horribly confusing best friends." I answered imitating his unusual affect. I was rewarded for my efforts by urging a smile back on L's face.

"You're far too disarming." He mused shuffling to my door and unlocking it. "There, have your peace. If a room is the sanctuary you make it out to be, perhaps I don't need to go that far to seek relaxation."

I stood at my door, lingering. "Did you truly steal that ring of keys from Coppersmith's belt? If so, I must say I admire your bravery."

L slipped the key ring back into his pocket. "This particular one is a skeleton key that opens all doors in the house, however it is my personal copy. It's only for when desperate measures are needed."

I leaned against my door frame amused. " _This_  was a desperate measure? I'm honored."

"There you go again being disarming." L muttered opening my door and pushing it open. "Go ahead then."

I smiled and stepped back. "No. I don't need anything in there."

L's jaw went slack. "Were you toying with me all this time? Goodness, Grace…"

I shrugged. "No, I'm not evil like some people. I just don't feel the need to be alone right now." I peered up at him and pushed my fringe out of my eyes. "Perhaps you are on to something with the not running off during an argument bit. Now I don't like admitting you were right, but in this case, I believe you are."

His grin then was hard to resist. "This is surely a day for the record books. Grace Deacon actually conceding! Shame there are no witnesses."

I pulled a face. "I like it better that way."  
"But, it is not a full victory." L began in a defeatist tone. "For now I don't believe I want to go after all. So in that way, you were right as well."

"Ah, it's good to be back on that familiar ground." I teased then met his gaze seriously. "I rather miss you when you leave. Especially when it's wholly unnecessary like this random trip up north was."

"Is that so?" he appeared pleased. "It's nice to be rather missed. Well, I must cancel my arrangements. I didn't fancy taking a train up there anyway. Until later, G." he coolly left me in the hall, as he headed back down to his own room while I remained by my door deep in thought for all of several seconds before I came to a maddening conclusion.

"Blast!" I muttered to myself, walking into my room and closing the door. "I went and told him how much I miss him and he said nothing in return. He won this row for sure." I caught a glimpse of my annoyed expression in my mirror and had to laugh at how childish I looked. I sighed and thought about the smaller blessings. Such as how I now had even more days to return the equilibrium to normal.

"He may wish he had gone to Scotland after this weekend." I whispered as I rearranged my hair and bit some color into my lips. Disarming I may have been before, but devastating was what I was going for now.

It was to be a terrific weekend for some old fashioned war games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2009: Written listening to Selfless Cold and Composed by Ben Folds
> 
> New song – Sitting, Waiting, Wishing – Jack Johnson


	19. Creativity

**Chapter 18. Creativity**

In my bedroom, I pulled my hair up in a messy chignon and intently crossed to my wardrobe. I conceded that devastating may have been too strong of an adjective, but still I had to do  _something_.

I selected a red cotton dress with delicate lace sleeves and changed into it quickly, fixing the knee length skirt with nervous anticipation. It was silly, I knew it, but after I had just blurted out to the man that I miss him when he leaves, I needed to do something to regain my dignity and possibly make him admit the same. I couldn't leave the scales shifted so much in his favor for long and I also didn't want to be the only one saying such foolish things. It would be terrible for my reputation.

I picked up the pile of muted tone clothing I had been wearing and tossed it in the hamper. I had to say I liked the hint of color on such a dreary day. I wasn't usually one for bright hues but it worked. Wryly, I walked back to my dresser and opened the top drawer to find where I kept my pine jewelry box tucked among my stockings. I let out a little giggle as I lifted the long candy string necklace out of the box and placed it around my neck. After a glance in the mirror I rolled my eyes realizing that it didn't matter if I had changed or not for as long as I was wearing such enticing bait he'd be a moth to my flame.

I kept the dress on anyway.

Unfortunately, I had no idea how to seductive, flirty, or even really charming, a fact which did not bode well for the success of my experiment. The only two girls I could think of asking were unavailable as well. One was showing her adoring boyfriend Wammy's from the attics to the stables, and the other had somehow convinced Fritz Erdheim that there were loads more diverting things to do in bed than in the sky. I wasn't about to go consult either of them.

I took a deep breath and opened my bedroom door, wondering for a millisecond if L might have locked me in as a final prank, but the door opened smoothly as I stepped out into the barren hallway. I frowned. Having to seek him out as well wasn't something I really wanted to do. I had expected to open the door and have him already be there, lounging against the wall obviously waiting for me but appearing so bored that it wouldn't look that way to anyone else. That was the normal behavior anyway, but it seemed he was determined to be unpredictable.

Sighing, I headed toward the staircase, checking behind me once or twice to see if he was hiding and preparing to jump out and cause me to scream so loud again that Mrs. C smacked her head on the cupboard door in the kitchen, but I was surprisingly alone during my walk. Could he have  _known_  I was planning something devious and barricaded himself in his bedroom or headquarters? I smiled at the thought.

Someone was knocking on the front doors as I reached the bottom of the staircase and still not seeing anyone at all around, I went to answer it.

"Just a minute!" I called, turning the ancient lock and flinging open the door, immediately wishing I hadn't. A scream got caught in my throat as I viewed a tanned Andrew Hargrove smiling back at me. No, no, no!

"W-What are you doing here?" I sputtered, horribly panicked. If L saw him, I didn't know what would happen and I needed to keep that from occurring.

His smarmy smile seemed plastered to his face. "Well, I'm here to see  _you_ , Grace! And I must say," his appraising eyes raked my form as I cringed wishing I hadn't changed after all. "I didn't think it was possible for you to be more captivating, but you've succeeded. Although I don't know quite what to say about your jewelry choice, unless you're willing to share."

I clutched the candy necklace in my fist and glared at him. "I meant  _why_  are you here? I distinctly remember telling you to leave me alone."

He didn't seem fazed by my rebuff. "And I have!"

"You most certainly have  _not_  if you're standing in front of me!"

He laughed, sticking one foot in the door where I stood boiling with anger gripping the door handle. "I respected your wishes, my love. I left you alone the entire summer. I must say it was agony. But since I was in Lugano and Bern with Mum and Father for most of it I made due. But I'm back now and eager to pick up where we left off."

I gawked back at him wordless. I speculated about the possibility of this all being some awful dream. I  _was_  prone to those.

"Hey there Grace!"

I unfroze to turn and see Liam grinning at me from the hallway. Ah a distraction!

"Ella and Omar are going to give a show for us. You've got to come see." He urged, then noticed Andrew halfway standing in the door. "Hiya, mate!" Liam moved forward to vigorously shake my unwanted guest's hand. "I'm Liam! Annie's boyfriend. Come on in and see the performance!"

Liam was in danger of becoming my least favorite person with one exception.

Andrew enthusiastically shook his hand back. "Andrew! I guess you could say I'm Grace's boyfriend!"

Liam stared at him strangely especially when I blurted out. "You most certainly  _CAN_ _NOT_!"

"Ah, all in good time." Andrew dismissed my outrage and entered the house. "Before I forget, my lovely. I found a thumping good chocolate shop in Bern, picked you up some truffles! I know you fancy them." He handed me a gold box tied with a red ribbon that I had seen months before. This really couldn't be happening.

I shoved it quickly into Liam's hands not even wanting to look at it. "Uh here, share these with everyone." I stammered as Liam nodded, then led us to the music room. Andrew strolled happily beside me, cocking his head to smile at me every few seconds. He had to determine this trip an amazing success. I on the other hand wished I was the one hightailing it to Scotland. I mulled over the possibility of the hotel suite L had booked still being available and whether they'd let me rent it for a year.

We passed into the airy spacious concert space with the black grand piano positioned directly in front of the floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto the side garden. My confusion of why the house was so empty was answered when I saw most of the residents settling into the rows of white chairs that fanned out from where the piano stood. Anne's face lit up at the sight of Liam announcing he had chocolates to pass around but it darkened when she saw Andrew smoothly saunter in and say his hellos. As Wammy and Roger greeted him, Annie furiously mouthed to me. "What is he  _doing_ here?"

I helplessly shrugged and took a seat in the front row of chairs. Omar was already seated at the piano tinkering with a new melody. L was nowhere to be seen, something I found to be a great relief after the twisting turn the day had taken.

Andrew sat down beside me, eyes bright with anticipation. "This is fun, isn't it, my Grace?"

"I'm not your Grace." I muttered through clenched teeth as more people stared at us. "You shouldn't even be here."

"On the contrary, my treasure. I'm exactly where I belong." He slung an arm over the back of my chair and I sat forward, beyond incensed.

"Annoying me? Yes I suppose you do have a claim in that department." I whispered under my breath staring directly ahead. "Kidnapping me to Gardenly Hall does outweigh other aggravations in my recent experience."

"Come now, pet. It wasn't  _kidnapping_. I was taking you on a drive and thought it would be the best to kill two birds with one stone. Mum and Father hadn't seen you since the Christmas party a year ago. It isn't as if you end up leaving here very often now!"

"Well don't expect I'll be leaving to go anywhere with  _you_  again, after the last stunt!"

"That is fine," Andrew was completely unruffled. "I've always enjoyed calling here and seeing Amy and Frank as you know."

I couldn't let this one go. "Amy and  _Frank?_ "

"Yes! I like her new chap, William. He's very hospitable."

I repressed the urge to scream as the doors to the music room opened once more.

"You really want to hear me sing?" I heard Ella pipe up outside of the room to someone escorting her.

I heard the familiar chuckle and realized just where L had been. "I would like nothing better, young Ella."

Forget a year, I wondered if I could make a new home in Edinburgh, one where I could change my name once more and work in a bloody library or something. Anything but this.

"Hi everyone!" Ella called cheerfully as she bounded into the room dressed in a yellow party frock, a satin bow holding back her black hair, holding on to L's hand as she led him inside with her.

She looked adorable but I couldn't look at her for more than a moment. I could feel L staring at me however, and then past my guilty face to Hargrove. I stared down at my hands as everyone greeted the star of the show.

"Oh,  _he's_ here." I heard Andrew hiss under his breath as their eyes met. I finally turned to see fiery anger flash in L's eyes before a cautious blankness took its place. I tried my best to smile at him, but knew it was hopeless. What he must think! I couldn't bear it. The seat on my other side was empty and I subtly gestured toward it with a nod of my head. He ignored my motioning and settled himself down across the room next to Wammy. My stomach churned violently and I wanted nothing better than to dump that box of truffles over Hargrove's head. If there were any left for that matter.

Ella was whispering in Omar's ear on tiptoe, and the seventeen year old musical prodigy listened to her and smiled. Then she took the stage, waving gleefully at the crowd.

"Thanks for coming to hear us everybody! I hope I'm good." She twisted her hands in front of her, slightly insecure.

"You'll do a smashing job!" Mello called to her from where he was seated with Matt. I was envious that he could be sitting with the person he cared for and I was stuck next to someone who thought my sister's name was Amy after knowing her for three bleeding years.

I finally found my voice. "Poppet, we can't wait to hear you!"

Ella flushed pink. "Okay! Right, then. Mr. Omar, if you'd please…"

A light laughter tittered through the audience as Omar began the opening strains of a jazz song. Ella closed her eyes, folded her hands in front of her and in her dear sweet voice began.

" _There's a saying old says that love is blind_  
Still we're often told "seek and ye shall find"  
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind  
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet  
He's the big affair I cannot forget  
Only man I ever think of with regret"

_I'd like to add his initials to my monogram  
Tell me where's the shepherd for this lost lamb…_

Encouraged by the smiles around the room she continued.

" _There's a somebody I'm longing to see,_   _I hope that he turns out to be,_   _Someone to watch over me."_

Utterly charmed, Anne sighed and nestled in closer to Liam. I gulped and played with my necklace strung with sweets refusing to make eye contact with either the prat beside me or the livid man across the room.

" _I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood,_   _I know I could, always be good_   _To one who'll watch over me."_

Ella grinned back at Omar in her excitement as he improvised a little before the next verse. I could tell she had worked hard on her performance of the song. I could also sense that Andrew was sweeping over me a gaze of adoration and ignored it.

" _Although he may not,_ _Be the man some girls think of as handsome_   _To my heart he carries the key."_

I colored, remembering the door incident from earlier and finally locked eyes with L across the room. Good lord. His dark orbs were full of questions and I couldn't tear mine away. If telepathy was possible between us I was sure I would be hearing an earful. Once more, I was thankful not to have Jude's gift.

Ella stamped her foot on the floor for emphasis as she brought the song home.

" _Won't you tell him please_   _To put on some speed, follow my lead_   _Oh how I need, someone to watch over meeeeeee-"_

She held out the long note effortlessly, ending with a wink.

" _Someone to watch, over me!"_

The room broke out with cheers and cries of "well done!" for our youngest student. Ella did a pleased curtsey then announced, "Mind you, I have more songs!"

More laughter. I looked down as my cheeks cooled. As Ella got prepared to sing again, someone sat on my other side.

"You must tell me what this is about." L's voice murmured in my ear, irritation evident.

I nodded and lowered my voice to a whisper. "I will. I promise. After they're finished."

Andrew harrumphed from my other side, then attempted to be engaging. "That child, Emmie's got quite a voice, doesn't she?"

Not again. " _Ella_  is a gift."

The piano started up once more. I felt better with L beside me but still not at perfect ease.

" _I got a crush on you, sweetie pie_   _All the day and nighttime, hear me sigh_   _I never had the least notion that I could_   _Fall with, so much emotion…"_

My fingers wound around the necklace so much I nearly broke the string. I couldn't steady the out of control hammering of my heart.

As Ella finished, everyone clapped once more and Anne called out "Great job, sweetie!"

They were old standards sung by an innocent little girl but I was finding it hard to breathe next to the man sitting so close to me that our shoulders were touching. I thought I could break out in a sweat any minute.

"Just  _what_  are you staring at?" Andrew sharp voice broke through my nerves as he glared at L. I realized L's eyes were locked on my chest, well rather the necklace. He seemed entranced by how I had woven it through my fingers. Of course enticing anyone at this moment was the last thing I wanted to do, especially with Hargrove on my other side.

L completely ignored him as Ella received hugs from the adoring audience. "Grace, may I speak with you privately for a moment?" he asked then.

"Uh, certainly." I nodded and left a protesting Andrew as Liam asked Ella if she'd care to do a duet.

"Grace, just where are you going with him?" Andrew demanded as I followed L out of the room. "That man's a pervert!"

Dead silence followed that announcement and I closed the door behind me, preparing for an eruption.

Once out in the hall, L let loose.

"Grace, I refuse to tolerate that man under our roof. I've told you that before. Did you invite him here?!"

"Do you know me at all?" I snapped as he paced in front of me. "Of course I didn't! I want him gone. Liam invited him in!"

"He's certainly made himself comfortable quickly." L noted, lifting his thumb up to his lips, seeming distressed.

"It's not his fault, he didn't know that Andrew is basically banned here." I crossed my arms, softening toward Anne's bloke. After all, I couldn't condemn him to hell after committing one sin.

"I wasn't referring to Liam," L growled. "I meant that immature, pompous, empty headed doll that was sitting so companionably next to the woman who claimed that she wanted him gone yet did nothing about it!"

I chose my words carefully. There was no point disagreeing with him when he was in a state such as this. "I refused to ruin Ella and Omar's performance by causing a scene. That has nothing to do with me not telling him to clear off in a timely manner."

I jolted when L suddenly reached forward and lifted my necklace up between two of fingers and eyed me with steamy interest. I couldn't breathe, reason or speak. Had this been the reaction I had been going for?

"It appears that Andrew Hargrove cannot stay away from things that are sweet. How are we to be rid of him?"

Words came slowly. "Er, well, I really don't know."

He let go, frustrated. "Well Grace, you must think! You got yourself into this mess."

"Blast it, L! All I did was open the door!"

"Grace, are you coming back inside or not?"

We stopped our low argument when we noticed Andrew had found our hiding space.

I gasped. "I uh, well…"

L stepped forward then, wearing a confident glare. "Er, I must say Hargrove, I do not appreciate you coming here and paying unwanted attentions to my girlfriend. That smacks of bad taste."

I nearly fainted where I stood. Andrew appeared to have the same reaction before he recovered and glowered at L.

"Your  _girlfriend?_  Don't make me laugh, man! My Grace can't stand you!"

L was determined to carry on the charade. "Feelings can change. We've been together since before the summer. Now I want your promise that you'll leave her be. The only person Grace belongs to is me."

Not wanting to leave him out on a limb by himself, I came forward and linked my arm in his. "It's true Andrew.…L and I…we are very happy. Blissful in fact. You didn't give me a chance to explain before you barged in here."

Andrew gawked at me, then L, then me again. "There is no way. None!" he carried on in denial. "I'm not taking the mickey on this! To think it even possible, no! No it isn't!"

"With all due respect,  _Andrew,_  anything is possible." L responded with pent up feeling. I shivered and hoped Andrew would finally come to his senses. I didn't know how much more I could take.

"I refuse to believe it!" Andrew crossed his arms and shook his head vehemently. "You with  _her?_ Tell the truth! It'd be like Beauty and the Beast! Lovely girls are supposed to be surrounded by lovely things, not bloody weirdos!"  
"Come now, Andrew. Just stop it!" I warned.

"Not until you admit this is all some cruel joke. L and you? Really, Grace. How stupid do you think I am? At least I have bloody common sense!"

The fury and adrenaline that rushed through me at his harsh words desperately needed somewhere to go. Either it would be utilized with my fist meeting Andrew's superficial face or it would have to be channeled through a different venue, one much less violent. Before I was fully aware what I was doing, my hands had pulled L's stunned face close to mine. I looked into his alarmed eyes, whispered "Forgive me." and slammed my lips against his, squeezing my eyes shut as I did so, praying this would be enough to shut Andrew up.

L let out a noise of disbelief and returned the kiss after half a second.

The entire world shut down at that moment including Andrew's howls of indignation. I couldn't believe what I had done, and I also couldn't believe that neither of us had stopped.

"Dear God!"

I finally broke apart from him to see a furious but believing Andrew shaking with anger.

"I can't believe this! All of the Swiss girls who wanted to do ungodly things to me and I turned them down, all of them! Well except for the one who wanted to buy me a fruit ice, I allowed that. I turned them down for  _you,_ Grace and now I see that all that time you were  _ **slumming**_  with this wretched creature, this  _ **undead**_  cretin. I never thought you'd become such a slapper! You  _must_  be desperate!"

I didn't have time to worry about punching him as L dove forward, crouching to the ground and swinging out his leg behind Andrew's to knock him flat on his backside before I knew what was happening.

"Bloody hell!" Andrew exclaimed as L stood up, digging his trainer into his chest.

"You will apologize to her." L warned him, his tone dangerous and even, "And then you will remove yourself from my home."

The crowd from Ella's show came out a few moments later into the hall to see Andrew scrambling to his feet, shooting L a look of pure hatred.

"Very well, fine! I'm sorry, Grace, for the things I said  _regarding you_. I believe my infatuation has ended."

"Good." Anne, Fritz, and I answered simultaneously. I stared at them in disbelief, threatening to laugh out loud

"Amy? Frank? You too? Right, well. Good day." Andrew grunted as he limped toward the front door, rubbing his backside and wincing while Anne and Fritz looked at each other bewildered.

"I told you Miss Gracie didn't like that man." Ella answered triumphantly as she stood next to Jude.

"Anyone could have told you that." Jude rolled his eyes and watched Andrew slam the door behind him. "Only he didn't know it until now."

After people finally dispersed to go back in to see Liam and Ella's rendition of "Me and My Shadow", the novelty of Andrew's exit over, I turned to L. "Really, I do hope you forgive me for that. I couldn't see any other way."

His look had changed. While everyone had thumped him on the back calling him the hero of the day and to use Matt's term "the exterminator" he had smiled mildly and received the accolades. Now that we were alone, the smile was gone. "Of course I forgive you. Desperate measures were called for once again."

I didn't like the idea of my kiss being considered a desperate measure, but let that one lie.

I giggled anxiously. "I could definitely say that he won't be back now. He'll be checking under his bed at night for you."

"I wouldn't be so sure." he replied, seemingly disconnected from our conversation. "He may think our torrid romance won't last. We may need to prove it once more for his satisfaction."

I kept my mouth shut at the idea of that being appealing and sighed. "Well if we must."

Now he was staring into space, I was becoming quite bothered. Was he going to say  _nothing_  about what happened besides that I was forgiven? "The capoeira came in handy, though. He never saw that coming. Thanks for defending my honor and all."

"I've waited three years to level that man so no need to thank me. It was overwhelmingly satisfying."

I smirked at that. "I never fancied him, you know. You could have done that ages ago, I wouldn't have cared. Of course, I would have been flabbergasted at your actually wanting to be helpful to me but nonetheless."

The haze L appeared to be in finally dissipated. "It's not so much that I cared what he said about me. I'm used to people thinking I'm repulsive, homely, the lot, but why you would waste your time with him, that I could never comprehend. Why did you, Grace?"

I sighed, expecting this to come up as it never had over the summer. It's like the two of us had pretended that without Andrew there he never had existed. "He was the only boy who did want to waste time with me, well, apart from the children here. I'll be honest. Being told you're pretty and special is rather nice even if it's horridly shallow, especially if you never hear it.

Instead I'd hear how good I was with the kids, or how gifted I was, but never that I was worth noticing. I suppose it's vain in a way, but I liked hearing it. That's why I ignored his bad attributes for so long I suppose. Stupid of me, I know."

L stood up from the staircase then nodding his head. "Ah, well, I have some things to attend to, but before I go G, do me a favor. If you need to hear that you're special every so often just ask me. Don't bring that ignoramus back here for praise. Even if he's good for practice. Are we clear?"

I laughed. "Same goes for you."

The corners of his lips quirked up and his eyes twinkled. "All right then." He shoved his hands in his pockets and started up the stairs. I stayed seated wondering how soon I could pull Anne aside to let her know what she had missed. I'd have to make certain we were in a soundproof area of the house

"Oh and Grace?"

I jumped to hear my name called and craned my neck back to see L at on the landing smiling shyly.

"Yes?"

"Er, if you also need to hear that you're physically pleasing, erm, especially today, don't hesitate to ask either."

I blushed all over and L dropped his head, hurrying off to his destination. I peered down at the candy looped around my neck and smiled.

Maybe I didn't need to learn the art of seduction after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone to Watch Over Me and I've Got a Crush on You– Written by Ira and George Gershwin
> 
> Written listening to Creative by Leon Jackson.
> 
> New song: Breathless – Corrine Bailey Rae
> 
> Okay, I believe that might be considered L's best day ever, what do you think? :P
> 
> As always you wonderful people, reviews are appreciated. I think we have a lot to discuss.


	20. Amsterdam

**Chapter 20. Amsterdam**

**L POV**

_**February 2002** _

_We drove through the lively Amsterdam night. I stared out the tinted window as usual as Watari fussed with a file and whistled snatches of a tune, one of the old WWII songs with a chipper melody indicative of the generation proven defiant in the face of indescribable danger. Being with him as always was pleasant; our companionship has always been easy. The neon lights from the buildings we passed became blinding after a time and I looked away, shutting my eyes briefly as geometric shapes left their imprint on the inside of my eyelids._

" _Grace phoned." Watari noted distractedly, causing my eyes to open. "She reports that everyone is well, and she's mothering Roger in his illness to death just like I asked her too."_

" _A good thing." I replied on edge, hoping we would move on to a different subject. Despite Watari being well aware that Grace and I did not get on, he brought her up incessantly. I wondered if he did the same to her about me. It was probably why she disliked me so._

_"The lord's son, Hargrove, the one who attends Cambridge you know, she says has made several visits to the house. He admitted to Annie that he comes to purposefully see our Grace! It would appear that she finally has a suitor!"_

_Pain pierced my heart and I dismissed it. "I believe the man's an imbecile, riding on the coattails of his family." I answered as calm as I could muster. "So if that's what she fancies, it doesn't say much about her own intellect."_

" _Now, now, Lawliet," Watari chided patient as always. "A person of normal intelligence is not to be deemed an imbecile."_

" _Normal." I snorted, "Rather a relative term. The aristocrat only sees her physical attributes, which is why he pursues her, and which is why he is a proper moron. That is no reason to begin a courtship."_

_Watari studied me over the tops of his spectacles. "One might say you are jealous of this fellow, son. Luckily I know you like my own skin and have deemed that impossible."_

" _Of what is there to be envious?" I replied, my eyes turning toward the window once more. The car was idling at a red traffic light. I noticed a young couple bundled in coats and scarves standing together at the corner, under the glow of the florescent street lamp. The two of them held hands as the girl looked up expectantly up into the young male's face. The adolescent boy smiled privately and dropped a kiss on top of the girl's head and drew her close. Misery swept through my body as I saw the pure, unadulterated happiness the couple shared. I couldn't bear it. I hated lying to Watari but yes, I was envious. Bloody envious._

_She would never look at me in that manner. I would never approach her close enough to touch my lips to her soft-looking hair while she sighed in response. She would never place her hand in mine and devastate me with her blue gaze as a wry smile played upon her lips. No. Instead, she was to tie herself to that ignoramus, that fool who only saw her at face value. Who was only enchanted by her beauty and not her magic._

_I had had quite enough of the pain. It had been three years since my disturbing revelation. Grace was nineteen, I was twenty-one. I still cared for her with every fiber of my being, every molecule of my physical person. She personified her name in everything she did, even when we would row, her words were deftly chosen and spoken rather like an intricate dance. And I so loved to dance with her._

" _Lord" Andrew Hargrove. I wasn't threatened by him at first. He was classically attractive and possessed courtly manners even if diarrhea seemed to emerge from his mouth whenever he spoke but he was not any danger to my peace of mind. He attended a dinner at the house with his father, a proud looking man and his mother, a vapid woman who gave a cursory eye to the house's furnishings, paintings and occupants as if they were beneath her. Watari would hold these dinners for the other families of the area as a way to encourage beneficial social interaction among the students. I believe it must go without saying that I rarely attended, except of course that one fateful time.._

_From the first moment of dinner, Hargrove took a liking to Grace, whom he was seated next to. I expected her to dismiss him with a scathing glance and an impulsive sudden occurrence of wit, but she didn't. She actually enjoyed his senseless attentions, laughed when he spoke confidingly to her and was kind to him in a way she had never been with me. I didn't care for him after that and I thought little of Grace's perceived taste in men._

_A month had passed since that dinner and Watari was correct in saying Hargrove had been calling often. A week previous I had been leaving the house for the current mission with my suitcase and laptop and he had been there, throwing a snowball playfully at Grace and making her laugh out loud, as she dodged behind Mello to not get hit. I had quickly entered the car not taking my leave of anyone. I had grown quite accustomed to her laugh but now I wished I had never heard it._

_My life had been quite full but now the threat of this foolish nobleman concerned me. I was 85 percent certain that he wanted to take her away from me, to dress her in diamonds, wear her on his arm at fancy parties, to make love to her unceasingly in his bed… My head pounded with pain. What I wouldn't give to give her everything she wanted, to be everything she longed for. If she only knew this side of me, I was certain she could find happiness and realize that I was all that she needed. I had already had years to come to that conclusion regarding myself._

_Of course I was in Amsterdam and she was in Winchester, possibly brushing her lips against that fool's, running her fingers through his perfect blonde curls, me the furthest thing from her mind. The pain intensified, my temples began to throb…_

" _Ah!" Watari sighed as he noticed the teenaged couple. "Love is truly in the air, don't you think, son?"_

_I looked at him directly as my thoughts fell into place. "I would like to acquire a tattoo." I answered abruptly, removing my thumb from my lips. "Will it be possible to procure someone to come to the hotel this evening? I do not wish for a delay."_

_Watari simply stared at me with his mouth open. "Well, ah, L, it can be arranged, if that's what you want. Have you thought this through? Tattoos are permanent you know."_

_Oh I knew. That was the entire point. The pain was already permanent enough._

* * *

_Once we returned to the hotel and Watari made the arrangements, I began to regret my impulsivity. Wouldn't such a gesture smack of desperation? Wouldn't the pain be unbearable or would it be far less than the torture my heart regularly endured? My hand shook as I spooned sugar into my steaming beaker of tea. Didn't individuals normally do something like this when they were inebriated? Besides a slowly burgeoning sugar rush, I couldn't say that I was. I also wondered why I was bothering at all, and did I really want myself branded this way for my own sanity?_

_A thought of her made the worries cease. There was nothing wrong with expressing my feelings the only way I could. Even if she would never know._

_The telephone by Watari rang and he answered it, his breath spent on urging me to exercise caution. "Yes? Ah, send him up straight away. Thank you." He replaced the receiver and eyed me. "The tattoo artist has arrived with his supplies. Are you certain, Lawliet that you want to do this? What is the tattoo even_ _**of** _ _that you desire it so greatly at almost one in the morning?"_

_Watari and I did not keep secrets, except for the one regarding his long ago adopted daughter. As I felt this was connected to that, I did not disclose the information he sought. "Yes, I am certain, Watari."_

_Watari hung his head, sighing as a knock fell upon the door. "I'll let the chap in, and then I'll leave you to it."_

_"My thanks."_

_He went to the door and let the person inside, greeting him cordially. I turned to see a skinny young male of approximately eighteen years of age with blonde hair streaked with green that was kept back from his face with a rubber band. He wore jeans and high combat boots and a black t-shirt emblazoned with the name of the parlor he worked for. He looked around the room and whistled through his teeth. "Nice digs." He commented to Watari as he was lead inside to the living area of the suite. "Can you tell me again_ _**how much** _ _you're paying me for this?"_

_"We will discuss your payment after the work has been completed." I found my voice, standing up from the sofa. "Did you bring all of your supplies?"_

_The boy gawked at me as was customary when I came into visual range. "Uh, yeah. Everything. You want me to set up?"_

_"Er, yes, if you please. I do need this done quickly and efficiently, before I lose the nerve."_

_The boy smiled at that as he opened up a case and began unloading items from it. "Scared are ya? Don't be. I may be young, but I'm the best."_

_I smiled uneasily back at him. "We have a great deal in common."_

* * *

_"I still can't believe it's your first time and you ain't even flinching!" the boy remarked as he finished filling in the design I had requested. "Your pain tolerance must be wicked high!"_

_I lay back on the sofa, my eyes closed as the needle once again dug into my skin. The pain was quite bearable compared to other instances. "I simply try not to sense it. Are you almost finished?"_

_"Yeah, I gotta say, I kinda like it too. For a girl, eh?"_

_My heart pounded directly below where the boy was completing the tattoo. "In a way." I allowed. "But mainly for myself."_

_"Ah," he stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he worked. "Is she cute?"_

_"Er, she's uncommonly pretty and very wise."_

_His eyes flashed as he lifted up his tool from my chest. "Nice. Well, let me fix this up and you'll be all set. And then…I can get paid."_

_"Correct."_

_The young man put a protective clear covering over the fresh tattoo and began gathering up his supplies. "Now I'm leaving you some salve free of charge. You need to put it on the area like I told you. I gotta say, I like my work better every time!"_

_"You have my thanks. I do like it as well." I sat up as he finished unplugging and storing his equipment. "The case by the door holds your payment. I do appreciate your timely service."_

_"No problem," he dismissed taking his case to the door and picking up the other one in his other hand. "Your girl's gonna love that."_

_The pain I felt then had nothing to do with the damaged skin now permanently dyed black. "Er, farewell. I do thank you."_

_"Be lucky!" With that he was gone, soon to be a very rich man._

_Before I could slip my shirt back on, Watari came into the room. "All over, L? I must say-" he trailed off where he stood, gaping at my chest._

_I needed to amend my previous statement. Now we kept no secrets._

_"L..." he muttered in disbelief. "Why is it the letter G? It is exactly like the Detective G symbol, down to a tee…" he immediately came to the answer and almost staggered back. "Oh, son. Oh my God…I had no idea."_

_I sighed, looking down at the intricate letter G in the Old English font now resting above my heart. "Well, Watari, now you do."_

* * *

_**October, 2005** _

_After an hour spent of pacing about my quarters muttering to myself, recounting every precise moment of the event, I knew I couldn't keep the secret to myself. I opened my door, and dazedly walked to my mentor's office in the East wing, still murmuring nonsense like a fool._

_"Our little Ella sings like a bird!" Watari commented as I entered his office and stood by his desk a moment later. He instantly took in the change in my stricken demeanor. "Lawliet, is something troubling you?"_

_"She kissed me."_

_Watari blinked. "Ah, yes well the child is very free with her affection. Pay no mind to it."_

_"No, not Ella. Grace. Grace kissed me." I never sounded this direct, but I could only say what I was thinking. At that moment nothing else could ever have been on my mind._

_Watari's eyes lit up behind the lenses. "Did she, lad? Did she? I say!"_

_"With her lips." I dumbly responded, my heart still palpitating at the thought. Her lips, even mashed against mine in her anger with that buffoon, they had possessed a certain softness. For those brief seconds, she had tasted sweeter than any confection._

_Watari slipped off his glasses and wiped them with his handkerchief as he chuckled. "Yes, that's usually the way, my son."_

_I slipped out of my reverie and scrutinized him. "You don't appear very surprised, Watari.'_

_"Oh? Oh me? I'm very surprised! Very much so! Rather plucky of our girl, isn't it?"_

_"To be fair, we were carrying on a ruse to convince the idiot lord to leave. She kissed me then, but still, she did kiss me."_

_"A ruse, eh? Perhaps it was a ruse within a ruse."_

_"Pardon?"_

_"Nothing, L, nothing. Now," he leaned forward and smiled warmly up at me. "Did you enjoy your first kiss, then?"_

_My first kiss. He was completely correct, and at the age of twenty-three. With Grace. With my Grace..._

_"I suppose words are not necessary when you consider the fact that you are positively beaming, lad!"_

_I hung my head, but the damage was done. "You speak the truth. It was...wondrous. I still cannot gather why she did it. Surely there were other ways to convince Hargrove that she wasn't interested in him than kissing me, wasn't there?"_

_Watari stood up, looming above me from behind his desk. His expression had turned quite stern. "You can make deductions, fabricate speculations, even come to conclusions on other reasons, Lawliet, but don't. Just consider that this way was the best way. It served its purpose and made you incoherent in the bargain and also there may be more to come."_

_"You are far too optimistic, Watari. I'm just pleased it happened once."_

_Just then an ear splitting scream came from down the hall and before either of us could react enough to see what was the cause of it, Anne's giddy voice followed. "GRACIE! YOU DIDN'T!"_

_Watari smiled back at me patronizingly. "Right, just_ _**once** _ _."_

_The man truly did know me like his own skin. I smiled back at him. "Well perhaps a few more times would be agreeable."_

_He settled back in his chair and cast me in a warm, approving gaze. "You've got a fighting spirit in you yet, my boy."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to "Ender Will Save Us All" by Dashboard Confessional.
> 
> New song – Endlessly - Muse
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Please feel free to review :)


	21. Sweet Nothings

**Chapter 21. Sweet Nothings**

Anne found me in the kitchen later, helping Alice by making biscuits. I had burst in there an hour previous and had implored her to give me something to do. Our kind cook had taken in my distressed expression and smiled. "Well, if you could whip up a few batches of toffee chunk biscuits, I'd be most obliged."

I had groaned aloud remembering that certain bake stuff as one of L's top five of all time, but tied on an apron and got to work. Manual labor was the only way I think for keeping my mind occupied and away from other threads of consciousness. Alice had went to take a well-deserved rest most likely in her quarters.

"Grace!" Anne rushed over to me where I stood spooning batter onto the bake sheet and also trying not to get my candy necklace stuck in it. "Jude just told me the craziest thing!"

Damn Jude Caul to Everest. Why wasn't I the least surprised? I stared at her stricken and made an effort to respond. "Oh?"

"Yes! I can't believe it! I so never thought it would happen, Gracie! And who could have known it would be so soon?! Not me!"

I went back to my baking, realizing I wouldn't get the chance to privately tell her what had happened between L and me because she already knew. Thanks to the bloody psychic. Not interfering my foot. "Honestly Anne, it doesn't matter. It was stupid, reckless, and impulsive and if it wasn't to get rid of Andrew once and for all, it would never have come to pass!"

Anne didn't follow me, her grin fading. "How would it get rid of Andrew? Why would the one thing affect the other?"

I sighed, my hand streaking flour across my forehead as I wiped perspiration from my brow. She truly wasn't going to make me explain, was she?

"Well, you know, the act caused to him to believe L's ruse that he's my boyfriend...Lord, this is frightfully embarrassing…so I would never have kissed him if it hadn't convinced Hargrove, really. That's the connection."

Anne stared back at me as her smile and eyes got wider and wider. My stomach sank. Oh damn and blast, why couldn't I sense the thread of a conversation anymore? I knew I had the wrong end of the stick when she suddenly gripped my arm like a vice.

"Hang on a sec," she began, her voice shaking with excitement. "Are you saying L and you _**kissed?**_ **"**

I blanched. "No, er, that's not what I'm saying at all!"

Anne raised an eyebrow. "Grace Deacon, I did see that picture under your pillow this morning, you know."

I hung my head, defeated. "Very well, I suppose the only thing I can say is yes, you blackmailing cow."

The room reverberated with the ear splitting screech that emitted out of my best friend's mouth before she flung her arms around me, spilling batter all over the countertop. " **GRACIE! YOU DIDN'T!** Oh my God! Oh my God! Finally! You don't know how long I've been waiting for this, girl!"

I shook my head, wondering just how long it would be before armed response battered down the kitchen door and accused me of murder. "How can you say that? I only told you that I…well, cared for him today!"

"You mean you want to have his babies." Anne winked gleefully as she let me go. "Little clever angels with a chocolate obsession who let their Aunt Annie sketch them for days on end!"

"Have you taken leave of your senses?" I rasped, mortified at the thought. "You're giving us _offspring?_ Stop this _now!"_

Anne laughed, ignoring me completely. "You kissed him! This is the best news! It matches Jude's in excellence!"

Desperate to turn the conversation away from me and my silly action, I started to wipe the marble countertop with a dampened rag and asked nonchalantly, "So Annie, what was Jude's news?"

She wasn't deterred. "I'll tell you later, I just need to know how this kiss happened. Was it by the pond where all the red and orange leaves are falling into the water making the surface look like it's on fire? Or was it in a private dark corner of the house far away from prying eyes? Did you tell him you love him?! Did he say he loves you? How does he kiss?!"

I shot her a look as the oven timer dinged and I went to take out the last batch. "The answer to all of those questions are no, no, good God no, absolutely not, and it was over too quick to tell."

It had been soft, gentle, and sweet both figuratively and literally. My knees had actually gone weak as they did in all the romance novels I had voraciously read as a young girl, but Anne wasn't getting any of that out of me now.

Anne groaned disappointedly, but it didn't take her long to start grinning again as she followed me over to the cooling racks. "Well, did you like it at least? It was your first kiss after all! You must have an opinion!"

"Well, it was… pleasant I suppose. Just bizarre that my first kiss was with a man whose name I don't even know."

Anne clapped her hands together. "Believe me, you're not the only one. Think of all the people who go to clubs and snog strangers in the dark!"

"That's horrible." I blushed and lifted up the other cooled tray of biscuits from the rack. "Why wouldn't you want to kiss someone you fancy?"

"People can fancy people they don't know. Think about Lordy boy. He fancied you even though he had no idea who you really were."

I sighed, remembering how everything had started in the hall. "I suppose you're right. You can know a person for years without actually knowing them."

"Miss Alice, the aroma coming from here has lured me from the other side of the house. There's nothing quite like that toffee scent."

I froze as L pushed open the swinging kitchen door at that moment to see Annie duck behind the row of refrigerators faster than a rabbit to giggle and for me stare at him openly, barely keeping the latest tray of cookies from falling out of my trembling hands.

His startled eyes met mine, then hovered for a second while he took in my floury hair and the tray of dodgy biscuits in front of me. He ambled into the kitchen and crashed into the table. "Oh, er I didn't know you baked, Grace."

"A match made in heaven!" Anne whispered to me from her hiding place and I wished to murder her so that the armed response would have a reason to come in and take me away from this awkward situation.

I blinked and came to the horrifying conclusion that I was stuck where I stood. It didn't help that his intense eyes were still holding me hostage. "Uh, I don't normally. I thought I'd give Alice a hand. The recipe was fairly simple. Baking is mere science after all."

He pushed back in the chair at the table he had tripped over and pushed some strands of hair out of his eyes. "Would you care to teach me how to make them one day? Then I won't have to linger around waiting for a batch to be made."

"Aww." Anne cooed from her spot and I finally was able to pass him to reach to the counter.

"I suppose. I don't fancy them anyway."

"Then why did you make so many?"

"They're for you!" Anne squealed above a whisper.

"Er, I was being helpful. I didn't know I was filling your order." I picked up the spatula and began scraping the biscuits off of the tray and into a ceramic jar to occupy my hands. "Be kind. It's my first attempt."

He slipped up behind me silently and reached past my waist for the one I had just lifted from the tray. I nearly jumped out of my skin as his arm grazed my side. He popped the entire cookie in his mouth, and chewed vigorously as he still stood quite close to me.

"Well?"

L swallowed and brushed crumbs from his hands. "Sublime. Truly. What can you not do, G?"

"Plenty of things." I kept my head down to my work and cringed when he leaned against the counter grabbing another. Was he purposefully keeping himself in close proximity to me or was it only that I standing between him and his favorite treat? When he reached for a third, I smacked him with the spatula. "That's enough, now! Learn to share!"

L sheepishly withdrew his hand and pouted. "I thought they were all for me."

Maybe they were but I had to stop his accidental touches somehow. I was starting to lose my mind. "Well you thought wrong. I've slaved over these for an hour. I would like them to last as long."

"Wow! I knew I smelled somethin' good in here!"

Liam now poked his head in the door wearing his perpetual grin. "Might I snag a couple of those, mates?"

I deftly nudged L back and smiled back. "Help yourself, they're for _everyone._ "

"Brill!" Liam came all the way into the kitchen and joined us by the counter, waiting eagerly as I lifted some from the baking sheet to put on a china plate for him.

"Here you are. Be sure to get yourself a cold glass of milk to go with them." I eyed the refrigerators slyly. Let's see Anne get out of this one.

"You read my mind! Quite like that Jude kid!" Liam laughed and made his way past us to the fridge. "It's amazing how any of you can have a secret in this house!"

My eyes met L's for a moment and then we both looked away. "Yes, amazing is right."

Liam had opened the last refrigerator in the row and pulled out the pitcher of milk before he noticed Anne failing hopelessly at crouching behind it.

"Oi, what are you doing back there?" he asked with obvious amusement as Anne finally came out from her not so perfect cover and waved at L as if he hadn't seen her in the first place.

"Spying." She proudly admitted and Liam sighed, reaching for her hand.

"Well none of that. Come have some biscuits with me. We've hardly gotten a moment alone."

Anne beamed as Liam put the milk back in the refrigerator and led her out of the kitchen. "Now you're reading _my_ mind! You know, there's this beautiful pond behind the house…"

"Anne's off to be seductive." I rolled my eyes with a smile that disappeared when I realized we were now alone and I had just used the word seductive in front of L. Reddening, I walked across the kitchen to take the final batch to the oven. "We still need to question him. I know he appears so affable and pleasing, but what if he's hard as nails underneath and Annie's never seen it?"

"You worry far too much, Grace." L shook his head, using the same tone Liam had when he had discovered his girlfriend squatting behind an appliance. "Whatever happened to women's intuition? Undoubtedly, you find him a genuinely good person or you would have never given him the biscuits that were rightfully mine."

I shut the door of the oven after sliding the baking sheet inside and laughed. "I could have also done that just to irritate you. Worry not, there are plenty."

"I wasn't about to worry." L pulled out the chair closest to him and gestured to it. "Now, have a seat, G. I think we need to discuss something."

No, no, no! I looked back at him with evident fear, knowing where this was going. Before, I had wanted him to mention the kiss, now I just wished for it to never be mentioned. I knew the moment it was, I'd be lose all coherent speech and that was the last thing I wanted. Especially since it hadn't seemed to affect him in the least.

"What exactly?" I warily questioned him then, keeping my distance.

He now appeared as reluctant as me. "What happened earlier. Please indulge me."

Quickly turning into a nervous wreck I crossed over to the chair and plopped myself down, concentrating on the polished wood grain before me. "What about it? I did say I was sorry."

L remained standing, which I realized had been his aim all along. A person always looks more imposing from a seated position. "I am aware of that, I just want to know why you felt it so important to tell Anne."

I looked up at him alarmed. "But I didn't!"

"Cassandra Grace, come now. Watari and I both heard her, as did likely the rest of the residents of the tri county area and possibly even in Wales."

I gritted my teeth, annoyed. "When will you leave off with the Cassandra? She found out by accident, and why is it any of your concern who I tell _anything?"_

He smirked as he leaned back against the counter, another biscuit between his fingers. "Well I must say I never expected you to be the sort who kisses and tells that is all."

I gave him a cold look. "Oh, and I suppose you're a saint and haven't told a soul."

"On the contrary, I told Watari."

I was out of my seat then, beyond embarrassed. "You did _what?_ Where in that brain of yours did you find that it would be a smashing idea for our theoretical father to hear what happened? I won't be able to look him in the eye!"

L calmly ate the rest of his biscuit. "But why?" he mumbled, his mouth full. "It wasn't a form of affection. It was simply a ploy to give Hargrove the push. A visual demonstration if you will. Watari found it quite amusing."

Forget any expectation of feelings being reciprocated. L had made the kiss that had put me in such a disjointed state seem as methodical and tedious as a science experiment. My patience with him was growing very thin.

"He said that with your dramatic skill, you probably made it wholly convincing. He applauds you."

Right, dramatic skill. I felt my heart ripping to shreds as he continued in his cool, unaffected voice not caring a whit that the world I had built up since that moment was now tumbling down around us.

"It's a gift." I shrugged lamely, furious with myself for feeling tears pricking my eyes. Andrew Hargrove would never have considered a kiss from me so lacking sincerity. I hadn't kissed that man in three years but had kissed L and I had quickly come to the conclusion that it hadn't mattered.

"Are you all right, Grace? You appear rather distracted." Damn him with the gentleness showing through in his voice as he eyed me with feigned concern.

"I'm quite all right." I answered tersely. "Don't concern yourself about me."

He wouldn't let up. "Well I'm sorry if you wish differently, but you always will be a matter of my concern. What is it?"

What in God's name did he want me to say? That I agreed with him completely at how our kiss had been successful? That it had meant as much as a kiss I'd drop on top of a child's head before bed to him? Well I wouldn't lie for the sake of lying. I'd rather stay silent and realize that the kind, gentle, passionate person I'd fallen for didn't exist and in his place was a cold, unfeeling fool who wouldn't know romance even if it had slapped him in the face.

"L, I have a question." I spoke up making certain that my voice remained whole.

His eyes entreated me. "Yes, G?"

It had been on the tip of my tongue for months, but at this moment I knew I had to say something before I fell apart inside. "What is your name?"

He obviously hadn't expected that question as his eyes darted around the room. "Er, Grace, well, I can't—"

"No, never mind. I didn't expect honesty." My reply was barbed with anger. "I certainly thought that you could trust me by now, but apparently that isn't so."

He looked then like I had struck him. Good. "I-I simply do not know why you care to know this now or why you are being so hostile."

"Oh? Silly me, I thought I had the right." I glared at him. "Liam is completely wrong to think secrets can't be well kept here. It really hurts to know that you still think I'm a danger to you. I thought I meant more than that."

L looked completely at a loss. "Grace, where is this _coming from?_ We've already discussed why I can't tell you that, you accepted it readily before!"

The tears, they were going to fall if I didn't get him out of the room. "Well I don't know, L. I thought I'd like to know the name of the first man I've kissed in my life but you can't even give me that."

Our eyes locked for one frozen moment. His defenseless, mine anguished. After a prolonged period of silence, L cleared his throat.

"Well, I do apologize that I can't help you begin your bloody tally, but I refuse to divulge that information to you."

"You're impossible." I shot back shakily. "And as long as you feel the need to keep these precious secrets, you can clear off. I know who I can count on."

"Oh can you? Well, I won't stand in your way." He gave me a withering look as he grabbed a handful of biscuits from the jar. "You know where to find me when you come to your senses."

I crossed my arms. "I think you should be prepared for a very long wait."

He stopped before the door. "Oh is that so? Well, I must say it's nice to know how much I matter to _you_ if you can do without me for such lengths of time _._ "

"I did without you for years, I'm sure I will manage!"

L opened his mouth to speak in protest, then promptly shut it and wordlessly stalked out of the room.

My legs weren't able to support me and I fell back into the chair, feeling sick at the words I had spoken, at the words he had spoken, the looks of disdain and fury we had thrown at each other. It wasn't like old times, it was unspeakably dreadful.

"It smells awful in here," Jude entered the kitchen then, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Too sweet! You got any corn?"

I blankly stared at him as I was overcome by the first sob. He looked on in horror as tears coursed down my cheeks and I buried my head in my hands.

"Oh, uh, that bad, eh?" Jude muttered knowingly as he backed out of the room. "I'll uh, leave you to it."

"Thank you." I whispered between shuddering sobs as he left me in peace.

As I wept I realized that Jude Caul wasn't completely without sensitivity, a thought which gladdened my heart. However, it was unnerving that he knew why I was crying after peering into my eyes for the first time unguarded.

My secrets were spilling out left and right, whether I liked it or not. I only hoped that Jude had enough discretion to keep them.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Momentum by the Hush Sound
> 
> New song – Blasphemy – Robbie Williams
> 
> I know, it sucks, but that's what happens when there's miscommunication. :( I hate to leave the two of them stalking off to sulk in different corners of Wammy's, but they've got to work things out, right? :)


	22. Interrogation

_**Chapter 22. Interrogation** _

_L POV_

_I was absolutely enraged by the conversation that had occurred in the kitchen. Who did she think she was, saying things like that to me? Demanding to know my true name and dismissing me when I wouldn't divulge it to her. It was if she was hell bent on viewing the fact that I had to keep my identity secret as in some way disrespecting her. It had made absolutely no sense._

" _Tread lightly, son. Find your opening… I'm certain if you approach things carefully you will find you aren't the only one feeling a flood of emotions from this…"_

_I had planned to gauge her feelings about the kiss at Watari's urging. It made sense to see if she was in disagreement about it just being a ploy to keep Hargrove away. That fact would provide me with crucial information, crucial information that I could then utilize. Instead, she had agreed with my words, then had become quite ill-tempered. It was completely incongruent behavior and her last volley in my direction had hurt me more than I cared to express._

"I did without you for years, I'm sure I will manage!"

_Blast. I thought we had made progress. We were friends. I sought something more, something greater, but knew it might never happen. It had seemed as time had went on, our friendship had grown so much that both of us were afraid to disrupt it. Even if what arose from its ashes could be awe-inspiring. If we only gave it a chance instead of having hurtful rows about not knowing the name of who you shared your first kiss with. Why would that matter if every kiss afterwards was with the same person?_

_And furthermore, she had been the one to kiss_ _**me!** _ _I would never have been so bold even if I had longed for such a moment for years. Even those few times I had caught her fast asleep in the great room or curled up in the chair in Headquarters in the last months, I would not have even dared to try. But of course she didn't know that. All she knew was that I wouldn't give her my name and so I was the lowest of the low in her eyes. Typical._

_I heard a knock on the door of the study where I had sequestered myself for the last few hours. It wasn't her, I knew that. She was far too proud and irrationally angry to cool off that quickly. "What is it?" I demanded testily, interruption the last thing I wanted in my misery and confusion._

_The door opened slightly and Liam, Anne's boyfriend, stood there, his eyes wide. "Er, hey mate. You said you wanted to have a word but if this is a bad time…"_

_Right. The inquisition. I had forgotten completely. Well, it was now or never. "No, it's not. Come in and shut the door. We have much to discuss."_

_I watched a flicker of nervousness appear in his eyes before he did as I asked and took a seat in front of Watari's desk, which I stood behind. Despite of how frustrated I was with Grace, Anne was worth performing my best work. If I intimidated the hell out of this man that I could not help._

" _So…Liam," I began coolly. "What makes you at all deserving of Anne?"_

_I swore I heard him swallow hard and he gave me a shaky smile. "Er, bringing out the big guns early, aren't we?"_

_I should have assumed this jovial person would utilize humor to diffuse the tension. As likeable as I had already found him to be, I could not be swayed. And with my temper where it was presently, that would not be difficult. Instead I waited for an answer, keeping my eyes fixed on his. Most people hated silence and did their best to fill it, even by supplying information just to fill the air. Liam fell firmly into this camp._

" _Well, I eh...teach at the local university…"_

" _The University of North London," I answered calmly. "With possible tenure in the art history department within the year. All evaluations satisfactory."_

_Liam stared at me in disbelief and I realized a mere archeologist shouldn't have been privy to all of that. I crossed to the window and ran a finger along the window pane. "Er…I should tell you that I learned that personal information from Grace. She has been keeping me informed of your prospects. You must know that she is incredibly close to Anne and wants the best for her." I turned to face him again with the superior and threatening look I had honed from my work. "As do I."_

_Liam appeared terrified and I felt somewhat guilty giving him this treatment, but I knew it was necessary._

" _I assure you, uh, L. I can call you L, right? Okay…Anne's happiness in my top priority. I make a good living and will do my utmost to provide for her in a comfortable fashion." He stammered, uneasiness prevalent. "And of course, she's a smashing artist and super successful on her own. She doesn't need me to take care of her financially."_

" _You are aware that Anne has lived quite well here," I commented, gesturing out the window to the lush grounds of the school. "She is accustomed to a certain way of life. What if she is not content with you?"_

_Liam did a strange thing then. He smiled and settled back in his chair. It wasn't the reaction I would have expected. "Well, I think she'll be happy wherever we hang our hat. She's mentioned that from time to time and I believe her. Have you, have you ever been in love, L? Do you know what that's like? Wouldn't you want to do everything in your power to make that person feel safe and cherished and happy? I know I would and I will."_

_Of course I would, if only she'd let me. The pain hit me again and a sad smile ghosted across my lips for a split second. She had kissed me today, then told me to go away. How could I sort this out? I wondered then if I should have to figure it out myself when the person in front of me was in a successful relationship. Perhaps he could offer a suggestion. After all, he wasn't going anywhere until I was finished with him._

" _May I ask you, Liam, why is it that women get emotional over unnecessary things?"_

_Liam appeared caught off guard. "Er, well what do you mean, mate? Is this a figurative question or…are you asking for yourself?"_

" _No it's not part of the bloody quiz," I sighed exasperated. "I did nothing to cause her anger. I made a light witty remark about something that happened and she grew so incensed and told me to leave her alone. I wasn't being serious but she became impossible to understand. I don't see a need for an apology if I am not the one who took things the wrong way."_

_Liam's returning look was overly patient. "You know, sometimes it might not be your fault, but if you love someone, sometimes you'll take the blame just to make things right again."_

_I frowned at the illogicality of his answer. "Take the blame when it's not my fault? Who told you such drivel?"_

_He shrugged. "My dad told me that when I was four. It hasn't done me wrong yet."_

" _Oh, well my parents are dead. I never received such platitudes."_

_Liam's eyes widened as he tried a different tack. "I'm sorry to hear that. Er…I think what he taught me is about perspective. Maybe the other person, your girl, maybe she thinks you_ _**did** _ _say something hurtful, even if you don't. Isn't it better to make things right so you can be happy? So_ _**she** _ _can_ _be_ _happy?"_

_I wasn't accustomed to apologizing after rows with Grace. Usually sulking would occur until it was forgotten or the tension had dissipated. This fight had been the worst one we had initiated in months. My sense of being wronged refused me to bend, after all,_ _**she** _ _had been the hurtful one._

" _I suppose, for some people that's acceptable, but not for me."_

" _Oh right." Liam appeared confused. "I thought you had been in love…I reckon I was wrong to think that."_

_Anger fueled me then as I slammed my hands down on the desk and fixed him with a glare. "I'll have you know that if you ever hurt Anne, I have knowledge of an undetectable gulag in the heart of Siberia where you will be kept for the rest of your days. Mark my words. It is not a pleasant existence."_

_Liam jumped out of his chair now and put up his hands in defense. "Whoa, whoa okay, L. I will never hurt Annie. You don't have to say that…"_

" _And why could I not be in love? Do you think it's not possible for me? I may not look like you or be like you but I have feelings. Feelings I never bloody wanted but here they are and they haven't gone away. I've learned to live with them."_

_He relaxed a little as he reacted to my words. "You what? Nobody chooses who they love. It's all unexpected. That's part of the fun. Did you not know that?" He asked then with a touch of pity. It infuriated me that I hadn't and changed the subject._

" _I do not wish to discuss this any longer. You're free to go, with my blessing. This was only a precaution. Anne is a grown woman who can make up her own mind about who she wants to marry, I was merely honoring a request."_

" _Right. Well, thank you, I reckon. I plan to propose tonight at dinner, if you wished to know. Hey, why don't you come out with us? You and Grace? If you think she approves of me of course…"_

" _I am not Grace's keeper. But I must decline your invitation." The decision to travel to Scotland after all had been made while I had been stewing there alone._

" _Oh I see. Well anyway, I hope you both are able to resolve this row…" He shook my hand and headed to the door._

_My demeanor shifted. "Both?"_

_Liam stopped before opening the door and gave me a wink. "You and Grace. You don't hide it very well, you know."_

_I collapsed into Watari's chair, suddenly weak. "Oh."_

_I realized then that perhaps I hadn't been the one doing the investigating after all._

_Liam greeted someone as he slipped back into the hallway and I sighed when I saw my sullen protégé, Jude now glaring at me from the door. "What is it now? I do hope you apologized to Linda about losing the plot on her because she drew a picture of you. Most people would take that as a compliment instead of a personal attack."_

_He remained standing there, his blazing eyes boring a hole into my brain, refusing to speak. I had no patience for his insolent attitude then and directly told him so._

" _Look here Jude, the last time I made the attempt, I could not interpret_ _ **your**_ _thoughts as you could mine so just come out with it. This is tiresome."_

" _Yeah, I'll apologize when_ _ **you**_ _apologize." He snapped. "At least I didn't make Linda_ _ **cry**_ _."_

_I crossed my arms and fixed him with a look. "Elaborate, and this better not be mere hearsay and conjecture on your part."_

" _Oh it's not. I saw it myself. Aren't you the one always telling me to watch what I say, that words can hurt? Well you didn't seem to care what you said to Grace before, did you then?"_

_Grace? Grace had been crying? After our horrid row? I felt myself softening until vivid painful memories of the same fight hardened my resolve. "I wasn't the one saying hurtful things. Perhaps she is upset as a result but she must realize her own contribution to her sorrow and take accountability."_

_Jude rolled his eyes then. "You're hopeless, L. Just hopeless." He turned to go back out into the hallway when he stopped. "If you ask me, what she needs to realize is that the biggest contribution to her sorrow is a bloke who always says the wrong thing and can't bloody admit it. And yes, I will apologize to Linda, even if she made me look like a scarecrow with a massive nose, because that's what decent people do when they are wrong." He threw a superior look back at me. "Maybe you should learn something about that before demanding it of your students."_

" _Out." I growled pointing to the door as he finally slammed it behind him. I felt like banging my head on the desk but resisted. Whatever happened to being a spectre in this house? Now it appeared anyone felt able to stand up and call me out on any perceived grievance. It made me wish to leave even more._

_I left the room and headed to my quarters, preparing to pack my bag for my excursion and feeling that the study wasn't offering me the solitude that it usually did. I kept my head low as I went, not wanting to be tempted in the slightest to look toward the door across the hall with any sense of misguided hope._

" _L!"_

_I jumped at the sound of the high voice calling me and heard Ella giggle in response. "Oh, did I scare you? I'm sorry!"_

_I mustered up a half smile for her as I turned to see her beaming up at me. "Hello young Ella. No, no need to apologize. I was incredibly deep in my own thoughts and reacted strongly. Can I help you with something?"_

_Ella shook her head as she hugged her doll in front of her. "I wanted to ask…did you like our show? I practiced like you said!"_

_Despite the turmoil of my heart, I knelt down to her level and patted her on the head. "You have an exceptional gift and Omar is a rare musical talent. I could tell you practiced and I thought you were superb."_

_The small child's eyes lit up as she dropped her doll and threw her arms around me instead. "L you always use such big words!" she chided. "I'm only six, you know!"_

_I was surprised by how her simple gesture overwhelmed my sensibilities. The comfort she had provided to my bitter temperament gave me pause. She let me go and studied me then with her big dark eyes. "It will be okay. There's no need to be sad."_

_I bit my lip as I stood back up, struggling to maintain composure. "Thank you. Now I must get back to work and you to your studies of course."_

_She nodded solemnly and picked up her doll. "Okay, L. See you at dinner!"_

_I gave the child a terse nod and entered my room. Once inside, I closed the door and watched by way of the_ _video screen mounted on the wal,l Ella skip down the hallway out of frame_ _. "How little you know, child." I murmured as I finally turned to collect my things. "How little you know."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: Don't Make Me Wait - Seal
> 
> AN: L wouldn't be L if he didn't brood. :)


	23. Held Hostage

**Chapter 23. Held Hostage**

"Grace?"

I groaned and turned up the volume louder on my stereo. Violins swept throughout the room urgent and glorious, drowning out whoever felt the need to interrupt a damn good sulk.

The door opened and Anne pulled a face upon hearing the raucous symphony. In the last few hours she had changed into a flowing black dress and had neatly wound her hair around her head. I was still covered in flour and tearstains. I lowered the music and eyed her blankly. "Yes?"

She gave me a sad smile. "I was wondering if you'd like to come out to dinner with us. We're going to go eat in town!"

I sighed, looking away. "Thanks, but I'll pass. I'm not hungry."

She tsked her tongue and sat down next to me on the bed. "Come on, it'll be a blast. Fritz and Jinya are coming out too. We'll have a great time!"

Ah, good old Frank according to Andrew. "That's two couples and myself. No thank you. I don't fancy being the fifth wheel." My chances of ever becoming part of a couple were growing very slim.

Anne groaned and rested her head against mine in her wheedling way. "Please, Gracie. I can't take you holing yourself up in here all night. Won't you tell me what happened?"

I shook my head, saddened. "No."

Anne was really worried about me, I could tell, but I couldn't move. Anne was very much like my enhanced mirror. When I was excited, she was ecstatic and when I was disconsolate, she was heartbroken, but I truly did not feel like going in to what had happened between L and me right then. She would just drum it up to a being big misunderstanding, not counting the nuances of pain that had affected me so deeply. I needed a full on analysis, included with notes on the intricacies of body language and tone of voice, with a lot of ragging on the opposite sex to make me feel better. That couldn't be accomplished in a short period of time.

"Tell you what," she tried next, standing back up. "I'll let you think about it for fifteen minutes or so, and then I'll see if you want to come after all!"

"You are frightfully optimistic." I noted, tossing another chocolate wrapper into the bin. "Especially since I have no intention to go."

"Right, be back in fifteen, Gracie-girl!" Anne bounded out of my room, taking the energy with her as she shut my door.

I leaned my head back against my pillow and thought of the reasons I shouldn't go out with them. Number one was the fact that I'd seen Fritz and the eighteen year-old Jinya in a clinch earlier and didn't think I'd be able to retain my supper sitting across from them. Number two was that wallowing in self-pity never left room for enjoyment. Number three was that I sincerely did look a mess, and number four was having the stupid hope that he'd come knocking after he'd realized what a cur he'd been and if he came when I was gone I'd never know.

Thinking these reasons over thoroughly made me almost laugh. So what if he came looking for me? I'd be back, wouldn't I? The looking a mess could be easily amended with a good scrubbing and hair brushing and if I didn't look directly at the offending couple maybe I'd be able to keep something down. Sighing, I swung my feet off of my bed and headed to my bathroom grumbling all the while about know-it all sisters.

Fifteen minutes later, Anne found me standing at her bedroom door wearing a black cardigan over my red dress, my hair pulled up in a knot and a dab of lipstick on my frowning lips. "I suppose you do know me enough to _be_ frightfully optimistic." I informed her as she gave me a tight hug.

"I wouldn't love you half as much if you weren't as stubborn as hell." She teased, grabbing my hand and leading me toward the stairs. "Come on, everyone's outside already."

When we made it to the front drive, I saw Jinya standing on tiptoe to fix Fritz's hair and Liam gawking at Anne with complete admiration.

"Too dishy for your own good." He smiled as he pulled her close for a quick kiss.

"Look who's talking." Anne sent back proudly eying up her boyfriend now dressed in a sharp jacket and tie. "We clean up pretty nice!"

I smiled weakly at their happiness. "The pair of you look wonderful. Liam, didn't you say you have a camera? I should take a picture of you two."

Liam's eyes lit up and he reached into his pocket for his miniscule digital camera which he handed to me. "That would be brilliant, Grace. Ta!"

"Take one of us, too!" Jinya insisted, bouncing on her feet while Fritz smirked at her exuberance.

I held up the camera and fit Anne and Liam posing and grinning by the topiary bush in the view screen and took the picture. "There you go."

Anne hurried over to my side to see it and let out a little squeal. "Perfect! Now, Lee, take one of Gracie and me!"

"What about us?!" Jinya pouted and I tried to decline.

"I'm really not in a picture taking mood, Anne…"

"Pish posh!" Anne surfaced one of Roger's famous expressions and linked her arm through mine. "Now smile!"

I managed a small one as Liam snapped the shot. "Just lovely!" he remarked, then turned quickly to take one of Jinya and Fritz before she exploded. Jinya wrapped her arms around Fritz's neck and hiked her leg up around his waist. I blushed and Anne's mouth fell open.

"If Wammy sees that…" she muttered under her breath as Liam took the picture and stuck his camera back in his pocket.

"Okay, we better be off then." I could tell he was trying not to laugh. We crossed to the car and nearly bumped into each other when Liam stopped short. "Crap, I forgot. My car's only got three seats. What are we going to do?"

"Why do you only have three seats?" I questioned him, feeling slightly disappointed.

Liam shrugged apologetically. "It makes more room for my supplies. How are we supposed to all get there now?"

Anne sighed but had a moment of inspiration before tearing off back into the house, her heels clacking as she ran down the hall.

Before we could speculate on where she was going, she breathlessly returned with Peter Shaw, our long time driver. "Peter says he can take the three of you and we'll meet you there!"

Jinya frowned and grabbed Fritz's hand. "No, we'll go with you guys! I can sit in Fritzie's lap!" Fritz beamed in agreement.

Anne shot the two of them a Look then turned to me. "Do you mind taking the other car, Gracie? It's not too far and I'll ride back with you."

I crossed my arms, uncomfortable with everyone's plans being arranged for me. "Are you sure you want me to come at all?"

She impulsively hugged me. "Absolutely! Peter knows the place. We'll meet you there!"

"Peter, you're sure you don't mind?"

Peter smiled at me and tipped his hat. "I'd be beholden if you order me a bread and butter pudding before you leave. Otherwise I have no problem just taking you, Gracie."

I relented and walked over with Peter to the Rolls. "All right, I'll see you, then." I climbed into the back of the car, slumping down in the corner as I watched the others pile in to Liam's little car and drive out the gates shortly after.

The engine started and I closed my eyes trying to rationalize Anne being a wonderful friend who was just trying to give me a kick in the arse to snap out of my funk. I was definitely thankful that Fritz and Jinya hadn't hitched a ride with me, being that then I'd have no escape from their ridiculous public displays of affection. I rested back against the leather seat and prepared to relax and cheer up a bit before I joined up with the rest of them. I didn't wish to ruin their evening by being stroppy no matter how I felt.

My plans were adverted when the car door opened once more and L climbed inside carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder oblivious of my presence.

"The train station, if you please, Peter." He spoke languidly through the window into the front compartment and settled on the seat facing where I was shrouded in darkness.

"Certainly, L, after I take Grace to the restaurant." Peter replied as he hit the accelerator and drove out of the front gate.

"What?!" Even in the dark I could see L's eyes bulge out of his head before he noticed me in the corner. After that, his expression became completely blank. "Oh, I didn't realize this car was already engaged."

"Well it is." I answered coolly. "And it appears that you're running off after all."

"You make that observation as if you care." He shot back, apparently choosing to tolerate me for this ride and not take a flying leap out of a moving car, as I might have suspected.

I so wished I had a mobile phone like Anne for occasions like this when I could text her "If this was your bloody plan, enjoy your last minutes of life.", but instead I had to settle for glaring down at my hands in my lap and not at him. He appeared to have no qualms with staring at me, however.

"So a restaurant, eh? Planning to meet someone for a rendezvous? Looking to add to the tally?" his tone was impossibly bitter.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm going out with Anne and Liam, but there wasn't enough space for me in his car."

He made a scoffing noise and settled back exuding an air of superiority. "It seems to me like if they had wanted you to attend, they would have made room for you."

Furious, I directed my gaze out of the window and didn't respond. It was bizarre how fate kept throwing us together. I felt even angrier when I realized that if I had waited for him to show up that evening I would have been waiting fruitlessly.

"Funny how they didn't invite you along. At least I've gathered that Liam Cornell has standards." I noted being rather harsh for me.

L snorted derisively. "Thankfully, I have better things to do with my time than parade around like I'm important in front of strangers."

"I beg to differ. Isn't that what you do all the time to strangers and people you know alike?"

He shut up then and eyed me coldly. I sent his look straight back. I hoped we'd arrive at my destination before I committed murder.

Minutes passed in heavy, uncomfortable silence. I returned to looking out the window. I could hear Peter whistling in the front seat and wished I could be as light hearted as he. He was probably dreaming of his future dessert.

Finally, L cleared his throat. "Jude mentioned that he saw you crying earlier. He accused me of causing it." His voice wasn't as hard as before. "I told him he was wrong."

I almost reacted by turning to meet his eyes but kept my focus on the passing moonlit countryside staying silent.

"At least, I do hope that I did not. I assure you such distress to you was not my intention."

"Well, you certainly weren't trying to make me laugh." My answer came out soft and fierce from my corner. "You can really be cruel when you want to be."

I heard shuffling in our compartment and turned to notice L now sitting on my side but in the other corner. "Cruel? I perceive that you are as cruel as I! Saying you could do without me, how do you think that made me _feel?_ "

" _You_ feel? My response came out acerbic and crisp.

He was irritated. "Yes, I bloody feel! You said yourself that I'm not a robot. That leaves me able to be hurt and slighted like anyone else!"

I wasn't going into the kiss, I refused to. "Fine then, if I was cruel, I'm sorry. But you still need to think of what you say before you speak. You can be quite hurtful."

"So can you." His reply was brooding. "Nonetheless, I am sorry if I made you cry. At any time in our acquaintance."

I felt my heart warming to him once more, I couldn't control it. "To be fair, I rarely cried after one of our rows before we were friends, so you don't have much to apologize for. I'd usually just throw things and curse you to hell."

He smiled privately. "Regardless, I still do apologize." He had slid across the seat to me and reached for one of my clenched hands which he took in his. "Are we still friends?" he murmured, holding it carefully as it relaxed.

I met his worried gaze and swallowed. "Um, of course."

He smiled shakily. "Good. The last thing I want is to lose you."

My heart raced as he refused to let me go, his entrancing gaze dared me to look anywhere else but I could not. We were at a stop. There we sat, him holding my hand, our faces close but our eyes wide with fear, anticipation, or even possible happiness and we were both horridly frozen.

Neither of us had realized the car had stopped until my door opened and Peter appeared bathed in light. "Gracie? We're here."

Instantly, our hands lost touch and L was back on his side in a flash. Rather jittery, I took him in. "Oh, right. Er well, L, I guess I'll see you when you get back. Have a pleasant trip."

He ran his hand through his hair and managed a response. "Oh, thank you. I do hope you have a satisfying repast."

"Thanks." I fervently hoped my blushing was concealed by the night. I stepped out of the car beside Peter and saw Anne waving at me with the others in front of the large restaurant outlined with sparkling white lights. I waved back but my arm fell when I noticed her expression had changed to one of astonishment.

I turned and saw L standing behind me looking rather sheepish, his hands stuck in his pockets, his hair hanging over one eye. "It appears I'm not destined to go to Scotland after all. Might there be room for one more?"

I couldn't help the grin that grew across my face. "Always."

I had to remember to hug both Jinya and Jude after this, despite any struggling that may ensue.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Secret Smile by Semisonic
> 
> New song – Say You're Sorry by Sara Bareilles
> 
> Next chap's dinner!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are better than bread and butter pudding!


	24. Little Romance

**Chapter 24. Little Romance**

Anne looked beside herself when L and I joined them by the entrance of Carabelli's. "Gracie! How on earth did L materialize like that?"

"Yeah, man. Didn't know you were _that_ good!" Fritz marveled and Liam slapped L heartily on the back, causing him to lurch forward.

"I reckon he was hitchhiking and Gracie picked him up. Am I right?"

"If I had seen him hitchhiking, he still would be." I commented wryly. "But it's no matter. I'm famished!"

"Right! Well the reservation was for five, but I'm sure they can squeeze another in." Anne led the way into the establishment; sashaying proudly up to the maître' d' who eyed us with poorly concealed surprise.

"Hi there! Cornell, table for _six._ " She greeted him cheerily while the maître'd's attention fell on L hovering behind the rest of us. After a moment, he drew his beady eyes away from him and regained his grip on the situation as he glanced in his book.

"Madam, you are aware that the reservation was made for _five._ " He enunciated the last word and smirked. "Did you possibly miscount?"

I stepped up then, pulling out the icy clipped tone I used when I spoke with authorities. "Oh it is impossible to confuse a five and six is it? Not to worry about chairs. Certain people won't be able to stay in theirs anyhow."

I heard Jinya giggle behind me and the maître'd' flushed as he examined the page more closely. "Ah yes, you are correct, madam. Truly a number six. Er, this way please."

Anne, Liam, Fritz, Jinya and I passed before the maître' d' stopped L taking in his baggy jeans and plain white shirt. "My dear…sir. A tie and jacket are required for the dining room. Do you have…either?"

"Obviously not." L shrugged. "I cannot enter then?"

"No, we do have…erm…loaners for this circumstance, but you will need a shirt with a collar. I'm not sure if we have any of those. I will have to look."

"Please do." L responded as the man went to hunt down the proper clothing. He then turned to me. "I did not realize the clothing rituals necessary for coming out to dine."

"I gathered that. Do you even _own_ a tie?" I teased as I joined him by the ornate mirror that reflected into the dining room.

"I'll have you know I do. It has strawberries embroidered on it. Watari gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday." He smiled in his quirky way and then glanced at our reflections in the mirror. "I should have known it was a fine establishment by how appropriately you dressed for the occasion. My apologies."

"L!" I laughed. "You didn't even know you were coming until several minutes ago. Don't worry about it."

"Erm, sir?"

We turned to see the maître' d' holding up a hanger with a grey suit jacket, oxford shirt, and black tie on it. "As soon as you change, you may be seated. I fear there is nothing to be done about the dungaree trousers however."

L took the hanger from him with his thumb and forefinger. "I see. I shall do so directly. Thank you."

Fritz was apparently more ravenous to eat than I for he strode over to us then and snatched the hanger out of L's delicate hold. "All right, I'm not waiting an hour for you to change, L. Arms up. Let's get this over with!"

"FRITZ!" Anne shrieked in disbelief as I paled.

L blanched for a second, then roughly ripped the clothing out of Fritz's hands and backed up. "NO! Er no! Erm, I shall change in the lavatory. Yes, the lavatory. Quickly, I promise you." His eyes looked wild, his tone was erratic. I couldn't understand it.

Fritz sighed, but surrendered. "Fine, but be quicker than quick. This is not going to be like when we were younger and you had to rebutton your shirt five times before you had it right before church!"

The maître' d' showed L the men's room and Anne slipped over to me, wearing a grin. "Aww, he's so shy!"

"He looked bloody terrified." I mused as Fritz threw his hands up to the other two and announced that he had tried.

"I don't blame him. Almost being stripped by Fritz!"

"Yes, and we know only one person fancies that." I noted smugly and Anne jabbed me in the ribs smothering a giggle.

"Girl…"

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Fritz had eaten ten after dinner mints out of the dish by the maître' d' stand and was grumbling to himself, Anne was leaning over Liam's shoulder while they read the menu and Jinya was occupying herself by dancing the tarantella to the Italian music playing. I sat on the sofa by the mirror, looking toward the gent's every few minutes wondering if he'd done a bunk and escaped out of the window. I tried to ignore my other reasons for wanting him to come out again as I reasoned them silly and soft.

L finally emerged from the lavatory with the shirt buttoned carefully and the jacket hanging off of his lanky shoulders far too big for him but still suitable. The tie lay wrinkled to death undone around his neck and his expression was distressed.

"I do hate to admit this, but the bloody thing got the best of me." He confessed as he joined us and Fritz let out an oath.

Anne gave me a nudge. "Gracie, fix it for him, please. I'm about to eat the couch."

I gaped at her. "What?! No…" I hissed, but after taking in my other dinner companions' pleading looks, relented and crossed over to him. "Er right. Do you mind if I give it a go?"

The alarmed look returned to his eyes as he shook his head. "Er, no. I'd be much obliged."

"Very well." I sighed, reaching for the ancient silk tie, my fingertips brushing against his chest under the dress shirt. Blushing profusely, I started tying the knot and focusing intently on my work. "I uh, have to say it's rather amusing that I can tie a tie and you can't."

"It is useless knowledge." He answered, clearing his throat and rocking back and forth slightly on his heels as I pushed the knot up to his neck and adjusted the collar accordingly. "It's not like I ever need to wear one."

"Except today." I looked up at him to laugh but caught myself when I noticed the deep intent in his eyes. I couldn't emit a sound.

Just then, we were blinded by a flashing light and I let go of him. "What on earth!" I exclaimed, blinking to remove the spots in my vision.

Liam lowered his camera with a grin. "Gotcha."

"Did he just take our photograph?" L appeared amazed.

"Looks that way." I shot the pair of them a look.

"I haven't had my photograph taken in some time." He marveled. "I wish to see it."

"Later." I rolled my eyes, pushing him toward the dining room. "I wish to eat."

When we finally walked into the spacious restaurant, the beauty of it took my breath away. "Goodness." I murmured as the others made sounds of appreciation. "How lovely."

The high walls were painted a rich pumpkin and every damask covered table had a flickering brass candelabrum at its center. A polished wooden dance floor was the focal point of the room and a band was playing lively Italian music on a raised platform in front it. The left wall was entirely made of latticed windows that looked out onto the bushes and trees wrapped in white lights. The room carried a sense of romance that wasn't lost on the couples by my side or me.

Jinya gripped Fritz's arm excitedly. "Fritzie, there's dancing!" she gushed, not able to keep her feet still.

"I see that, Jin Jin." Fritz answered with a smile pulling out her chair at our circular table next to the dance floor. "I certainly hope you'll dance with _me,_ later and not just let all these blokes watch you with their tongues hanging out."

"Jealous are we?" Liam joked as he pulled out Anne's chair and bowed deeply. "After you, my lady."

Anne grinned and sat down, her eyes darting all around her to take in the atmosphere. "It's like paradise!" she exclaimed as Liam folded himself into the chair beside her and slung his arm around her shoulders.

I quickly reached for my own chair and started pulling it out when I felt resistance. Before I could determine what it was, L had yanked my chair back, causing a dreadful screech across the floor and looked at me purposefully. "Er, there you are, Grace."

"Oh, well. Thank you." I smiled weakly and sat down. I avoided Anne's knowing smirk by lifting up the menu to hide my face. Did L think he was my date or something? I couldn't wrap my head around it.

"Good evening, everyone!"

I raised my eyes to see an attractive young man with his long hair neatly tied back step up to our table with an order pad at the ready. "My name is Leo, and I'll be your server this evening. Can I start you off with some drinks?"

"No! We're all quite ready to order, aren't we?" Fritz glanced empathetically around the table. The rest of us shrugged and smiled.

"Brilliant! God, such loveliness at this table, you lot can stay as long as you desire!" he edged around the table and for some reason stopped in front of me. "My real name is Leonardo, _signorina._ " he murmured, catching my hand and giving it a kiss. "And what is yours?"

"I'm _hungry_." I replied with a straight face and Anne snorted as she drank from her goblet of water, almost spraying liquid across the table.

Leo appeared perturbed for a split second then laughed. "I'll have to keep my eye on you, luv. Now, what are we all having?"

Everyone who hadn't been in the gents for fifteen minutes had already decided long ago what they'd be eating for dinner, so our orders were given quickly. Leo scribbled down each one and the rest of us eagerly waited for L's order, especially since he hadn't touched a menu.

"Yes, and my good sir, what will you be having this evening?" Leo leaned over my chair to hear L better. I moved closer to Anne, unnerved.

"Erm, yes, I shall have the dessert cart." L spoke up then, boredom laced in his tone.

Leo's eyes widened. "You don't want an entrée? We have a superb shrimp scampi, I tell you. I'm over the moon for it."

I giggled into my napkin.

"No." L's patience was growing thin. "I wish for you to bring me the dessert cart, in its entirety. That is what I shall be having. I hate to choose."

"He's serious!" Fritz spoke up, laughing. "That's all he ever eats!"

Our waiter was flabbergasted. "Yes, but, uh, the dessert cart is also for the other guests, uh I can't just give it to you. You can't eat the whole thing anyway!"

L shot him a cold look as a sliver of hair fell into his eye. "Watch me."

Leo was clearly intimidated or even slightly curious because he backed up then muttering to himself. "Lord, you'd think there was enough sweetness at this table… I'll see what I can do…"

When he had left us, the table erupted into laughter. "L! You can't possibly expect them to give you the dessert cart!" I cried glancing back to see Leo speaking with another waiter and gesturing at our table wildly.

"Why not? Am I not a customer? Can I not order what I so choose without a flippant, overly flirtatious server criticizing me?" L shot back, irritated. He shifted his position in the chair and tugged at his shirt collar. "He was acting as if it was an unreasonable request!"

Anne tried explain to L that he could order what he wanted but it had to be on the menu to start with. L didn't appear to understand or to frankly care.

"I have never had difficulty in any hotel I have stayed in receiving exactly what I have asked for when it came to dining." He sniffed, crossing his arms.

"You and I both know that room service is different than this." I had to tease him. "I think you are just being difficult for the pleasure of it."

His expression darkened as he turned to me. "At least with room service, you do not typically need to endure indiscreet wait staff with raging hormones."

"He is a blooming flirt, I agree with you, L." Liam said then, looking annoyed and amused at the same time. "If that prat was chatting up my girl, I'd be ready to do him one too!"

His girl? I felt my cheeks redden once more and sought distraction. "So!" I announced standing up. "Who's going to dance?"

"Me!" Jinya flew up out of her seat dragging Fritz with her to the center of the dance floor where she proceeded to dance in the most scandalous way possible in public to the admiration of most men seated.

"Not me, not yet anyway." Anne shook her head. "Not until there's more people out there"

"All the more reason to add to the count," I replied quickly and turned to her boyfriend. "Liam, how about you? Would you care to dance?"

I saw L sit forward in his chair intrigued.

Liam's eyes widened and then they switched to Anne who smiled back at him. "Uh, all right, Grace. Why not?"

"You guys have fun!" Anne called as I walked with Liam out to join the others. "L and I will have a little chat!"

I realized immediately how this plan might backfire.

Liam placed one hand on my waist and another in mine as I placed my fingertips delicately on his shoulder. He was quite tall, I nearly had to stand on tiptoe. Smoothly, we began to dance and my countless lessons as a girl flooded back to me as I chose my steps.

"You're a good dancer, Grace." Liam smiled broadly. "I guess you already know that."

I gave a tight lipped smile in return. "Indeed. Now please, Liam, don't make compliments for the sake of it. I'm sure you know why I maneuvered you out here. We've much to discuss."

Liam's pleasant face wore a look of tiredness. "Yes, it's about taking care of Annie, isn't it?"

I opened my mouth, but he continued. "You do not have to worry about that. I know I've only known her less than a year but I'm not blind to see what a treasure she is. There is no doubt that she is dearly loved here by her brothers and you."

"Brothers?" I let him twirl me once under his arm as I watched Anne and L talking quietly at the table.

"Er yes, Fritz, he already talked to me about it, And L, he pulled me aside as well. Said something about how Annie deserved the best. I tried to assure him that my intentions are good, but blimey, it was like I was under interrogation or something!"

I giggled at that one, pleased and stunned that L had made the effort after all.

"Well then I suppose my words are not needed." I demurred, as we passed Fritz and Jinya clinging to each other as they swayed.

"No, no, say your piece." Liam encouraged me with a smile, which faded. "Unless you plan to question me relentlessly like he did."

I grinned. "That would be rather redundant, then wouldn't it? But truthfully, Lee, Anne is my sister. I love her dearly, I just want her to be happy. I would prefer you didn't hurt her, because it would be a shame to have you killed. Is that clear enough for you?"

Liam nodded, flinching a little. "As crystal. That threat was almost the exact one as L's."

"What did he say?"

"Ha, he referred to a secret prison that is untraceable where I would spend the rest of my days."

"Damn," I laughed. "He had to outdo me on that one. My threat was too vague."

"At least he guaranteed my life."

"At first, anyway."

At the table, I saw Anne's face completely sink and she punched L in the arm, laughing soon after. I wondered what they could possibly be discussing.

"So," Liam relaxed, and leaned forward, his eyes glittering. "How long have the pair of you been an item?"

I stared at him stricken. "Who on earth told you that?"

"Well, Annie always talks about the two of you, I just assumed..."

I threw him a dark look. "Never assume."

He wasn't deterred. "But you guys are just like…obvious!"

I broke apart from him annoyed. "Obvious in what way, may I ask? L and I are _not_ together. We are merely friends, good friends and that is all."

"Well I'm sorry, but that isn't the way it looks!"

"Do you always speak your mind in such a manner?"

"Yep, it adds to my charm, is what Annie says."

I began to respond but lost all sense of rhyme and reason when I saw L approaching us, a smile playing on his lips.

"I'm sure she's interrogated you enough, friend. Would you mind if I cut in?"

Liam smirked. "You too are like the same mind. Not at all. Grace, I did enjoy our dance. Now I have to go convince Annie to get up here too."

"Right, good luck with that."

Liam strode back over to Anne and all I could see was L holding out his hand to me, his eyes smoldering.

"Grace Deacon," his voice was low and confident. "May I have the privilege of a dance?"

I was rendered completely speechless and numbly nodded my head. This night was full of surprises.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to "Little Romance" by Ingrid Michaelson
> 
> New song: Buena Sera – Louis Prima


	25. Pleasant Surprises

**Chapter 25. Pleasant Surprises**

No, I wasn't dreaming. L actually was standing before me asking me to dance. Furthermore, he appeared rather serious about it. I daren't laugh. I wondered if Annie had suggested or dared him to do so. I couldn't see the idea of dancing with me being one of his own. He always hated being the center of attention and he would most certainly claim it with this move.

Nevertheless, I gulped and placed my hand in his. He smiled a little at the touch and slipped his other arm around my waist. I stiffened as he drew me close and he smiled wider. "I don't bite, G."

"I know that." I answered, relaxing enough to place my hand on his shoulder. "Still a touch surprised that you're out here is all."

"Well I had to rescue Liam from another full interrogation did I not?"

My returning look was dark. "That is one of the least flattering things I have ever heard."

"All right, then how about this?" His odd posture brought his face close to mine as our feet began to move. "I find it pleasant to be close to you."

I sucked in a breath and in my distraction, stomped firmly on his foot with my heel. His smile vanished into a grimace of pain. "Blast it!" he growled. "If that is how you respond to a compliment, remind me to keep them to myself."

"My apologies." I muttered embarrassed, wishing to be anywhere else as I stepped back. "I didn't mean it."

He reached for my hand then and pulled me back into the dance. "At least you didn't do it purposefully as you did when we were younger." He regained his good nature, leading better than I expected him to. "That is a comfort."

"That's because our old dance master always paired us together, despite us both adamantly protesting the grouping." I said as Fritz threw a wink my way over Jinya's shoulder. I shifted my gaze back to L, not needing to see my younger brother throwing lascivious signals my way.

"Our cries certainly fell on deaf ears," L noted with a fond smirk. "I would dread that lesson. You so maliciously would torture me by stepping on my feet and not allowing me to lead."

I smiled, warming up to the subject. "You were just as bad. You wouldn't even be engaging! You would just stare coldly at me until the dance was over. How enjoyable is that?"

L cocked an eyebrow. "Did you really deserve an affable demeanor when you were actually timing the crushing of my toes to the music's rhythm and then smiling at me oh so innocently after?"

I laughed then, resting my forehead on his shoulder. "You were on to my game, I see."

"Yes. It is a shame you did not appreciate my talents. Master Lavinier said I was the male with the best form in the class. Despite obvious first impressions."

"Well when the class was you, Win, Fritz and Beyond, that wasn't saying much." I raised my head again with a grin. "He told me I was the best girl too. That my talent was effortless. That was of course, before Jinya came here and blew me out of the water."

"Did he? Then that is likely the reason that we were so often paired."

I wrinkled my nose. "I don't see why. We were awful dancers together."

L lowered his head to be closer to mine, our eyes only locked on each other. "Well right now, I believe we are doing quite well, don't you?"

I blushed and nodded, not afraid to admit that I thoroughly enjoying myself. We glided so smoothly across the floor, it was like a dream. "Yes, but then again, we don't really hate each other anymore."

"Did you truly hate me? Back then?" L asked, not with any sense of disappointment.

My grin grew bigger. "I despised you! You would say you wished Wammy had never brought me home—that it was better when it was just Win and you. That's not the nicest or most endearing thing to say to a child."

"You must understand, before you arrived, Winston was solely my companion. Then you came and he had this lofty mission to become a big brother to you. Where did that leave me?"

"Antisocial and envious." I answered merrily. "I believe if Win was still here, he would have made us friends long ago. He was forever the peacemaker."

"Indeed. It is thirteen years next week." L's voice took on a faraway tone and our dancing paused. The death still hurt us profoundly. Winston Evers was the only child we had lost. The one who had been loved the most. Things at Wammy's had never been the same after his early passing.

I bit my lip. "Sometimes, it still feels like he is here."

"He is." L recovered with a smile. "He's likely incredibly amused watching us actually enjoying each other's company."

I glanced up ruefully. "Glad to entertain, Win." L was completely right. Winston would be flabbergasted and happy that L and I had become so close. I had spoken to him a great deal since his death and he knew even more than Anne about the tumult of my heart. Knowing him he would have gently urged me in the direction I felt myself going now.

"Uh, sir?"

Leo the server was now standing next to L on the dance floor with his arms crossed. "The dessert cart is quite ready for you." He spoke in a surly tone as he watched the two of us.

L barely acknowledged him. "I do have eyes, thank you. I am grateful for the apparent trouble you went to fulfilling my request."

"Er, right." Leo shot L an irritated look, and then focused on me. "Darlin', if he's giving you a problem, just let me know. He seems the difficult type."

I felt L's hand grip mine tighter and I smiled charmingly at the man. "On the contrary, he's quite easy to handle after he's softened up a bit. Around twenty years usually does the job."

L's eyes lit up as Leo smirked. "You still haven't given me your name. I refuse to believe that such a work of art as yourself is called "Hungry"."

"It helps to keep me a mystery." I returned, wondering why the server hadn't walked off yet.

L turned me in a circle under his arm. "Her name is Louie." He informed Leo with a straight face. I so wished to hit him.

"Louie, eh?" Leo grinned. "At least I got a first name. Short for Louisa, I expect."

"Uh yes, damn, now I've lost my intriguing allure." I feigned disappointment and stamped my foot.

"No, luv. That's not possible. It's that fiery hair, it always does me in." Our server sent me back a gaze so radiating with lust I had to advert my eyes. "So what are you doing later? Care to spend some time with me?'

I was stunned as his cheek but L dryly turned his head toward him before I could respond. "She is coming home with me and that is all you need to know. Now may we finish our dance in peace? It is our anniversary after all."

"Oh...right. Cripe, sorry. I saw her dancing with the other chap too. I didn't think…" Leo backed up mortified and hurried off. I stared at L in disbelief.

"Our _anniversary_?"

L shrugged. "Well, it's been six months since we became friends, but that philandering, pushy boy needn't know that."

"You weren't very nice to him. A friendlier tone might have gone far."

"I found he was too overly friendly to other certain people to deem that necessary. Especially those with fiery hair."

"Oh come now, L. You know that I'm your girl!" I joked laughing and abruptly stopped when a look of elation struggled across his face. Good Lord, had I actually said that out _loud?_

"Er, you know, according to Hargrove and all." I amended quickly, glancing over at the table and noticed it empty, save the dessert cart in all its glory positioned by L's chair.

"Oh yes of course." L replied stiffly as my eyes searched the rest of the restaurant for our friends.

"Now where did Annie and Liam go?" I asked, surprised, feeling my stomach growl. If the food didn't arrive soon, I knew I might be assisting L in eating the contents of the cart.

L gave me another turn and spoke into my ear when I faced him once more. "Regarding them, if you must know, I did not come up here to rescue Liam from another interrogation. The man had a plan that you completely botched by taking him away from Anne. I had to assist him in any way I could."

"What do you mean?" I asked quizzically. Hadn't he said he asked me to dance because he liked to be near me? Or had that been a teasing comment not expected to be taken seriously?

"Liam has a purpose tonight. He asked Watari for his blessing earlier this evening. Watari consented but asked him to wait a year to marry. Liam straight away agreed. So it appears the fear you held was founded on fact."

I gasped and couldn't stop myself from jumping up and down. "He's going to _propose?!_ Annie's going to be _engaged?_ "

L was amused by my reaction. "Yes. I gave my blessing as well. I believe he will take good care of her and love her with all of his heart."

"So do I!" I couldn't resist hugging him in my excitement. "She's going to be ever so happy. To think we would talk about our weddings as little girls and now they're happening!"

L gave me a small squeeze back and then led me back to dancing. "What kind of wedding did you wish to have as a child, Grace?"

It was an intimate question, but I chalked it up to mere curiosity and nothing else. "You mean apart from the unicorn entrance and everything being ghastly pink?"

"Haha yes, apart from that."

"Well, I remember I always wanted Wammy to walk me down the aisle. It would be somewhere beautiful and everyone would be there…" I trailed off, smiling to myself.

"Go on."

"There's nothing else to say. I didn't have anyone to marry in my mind. Just a kind person that loved me more than anything. I imagined that one day I would find him."

"Do you still believe you will?" his voice was low. I slowly came to realize that we had stopped dancing.

I looked up at him, my voice catching in my throat. I knew then that yes, I had found him. I was falling madly in love with L despite the madness of that fact. I thought he was the deepest, most daring, gentle soul I had ever encountered. When he spoke my name, I'd get shivers up my spine. When I'd catch him looking at me, I'd flush scarlet. Even when he drove me mad, our apologies made it worth the anger. "I have faith," I answered finally. "That he'll come around."

"FOOD!" Fritz cried out then, dragging Jinya off of the floor toward our table where Leo and another server stood with the steaming plates of delectable pastas and chicken.

I smiled at L. "Let's eat. This detective is starving."

"As you wish."

Fritz was already plowing into his dinner when we returned to the table. Jinya was taking dainty bites and looking wistfully back out onto the dance floor. I started to cut up my manicotti while L thoughtfully selected his first dessert from the cart: a wine flute of chocolate mousse which he proceeded to devour in two large gulps. I had little doubt that he'd at least make a dent in the assortment of treats.

"Aiieee! Gracie! Gracie!"

I jumped out of my seat when I saw Anne rushing past the tables in the restaurant to me, happy tears making her face sparkle. "Lee! Lee! He asked me to marry him! Jude was right! He was right!"

I threw my arms around her while the rest of the table cheered. "Annie! I'm so happy for you! We all adore Lee, this is wonderful!"

Liam loped up behind her, his joy evident. "I was a bit worried she was going to turn me down. She just stood gaping at me for almost a minute!"

"You must allow her to process such a landmark event." L informed him as Anne made her way around the table embracing the others. "One does not consent to marriage every day."

"Yeah, then she gave me an earful for spending a lot on the ring. I was getting really nervous!" Liam commented as he came around for his set of hugs, ending with giving L a bear hug that might have cracked his ribs.

Anne finally sat down and showed me the stunning gold band with a princess cut diamond at the center now taking up residence on her left hand. "Then he told me it was his nan's ring, and I said yes." She beamed as I lifted her hand up to take it in more closely.

"It is exquisite. Ever so lovely. Annie! Tell us everything!" I blushed as L stopped eating his next dessert and placed his arm around the back of my chair, leaning in closer to hear.

"Well, Lee said he had to get something out of his car and asked me to come with him. I don't know why, but I did."

"Rather lame on my part." Liam interrupted, his eyes twinkling.

"Yes, hun. It was. Well anyway, we went outside and he detoured me over to the little side garden where he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him!" I knew Anne would be thrilled to recount this story many times in the future. "He asked me to make him the happiest bloke in the world and that meeting my family caused him to adore me even more. He had asked Wammy for his blessing and he said he couldn't have selected a more perfect partner for me! I still can't believe it!"

"Well done!" Fritz smacked Liam on the back as he went back to shoveling his dinner in his mouth. "Proud to welcome you into the family!"

I smiled to myself at the thought of what Liam becoming family would mean. He was sure to flip when he learned just who L was. It was a reaction I dearly looked forward to witnessing.

"Thanks!" Liam cried with feeling as he took a drink of water. "My heart's still racing a bit!"

"That's to be expected." I kidded, so pleased I could burst. "I imagine proposing to be one of the scariest things a man can do."

"It is!" Annie seconded. "Especially when you don't get a straight answer, right L?"

L had just popped a forkful of cake into his mouth and froze, staring at her. I wished the floor would open and swallow me whole.

Liam laughed heartily and Fritz and Jinya immediately turned in my direction. Why was it that they assumed I knew anything about this? Couldn't L have proposed to another unassuming girl? "Wait, what's this? What happened?"

"Nothing!" I squeaked, inwardly panicking. "Annie's just having a laugh!"

Anne read my fear and changed gears swiftly. "Yep yep, just being silly, that's me!"

"I recall Grace saying the offer took away her appetite," L spoke up then, after swallowing the cake. "That pretty much points to a no, does it not?"

I dropped my fork as my stomach crashed down to my knees. It had obviously been in jest. He had said he was lying about it directly after. L hadn't been bloody serious!

Good God, had he?

Once again my appetite was lost as Liam, Fritz and Jinya cried out in astonishment around me. I turned to L and he shrugged with a smile. I glowered back at him.

I was quite aware this was going to be a very long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Heartbeat by Scouting for Girls.
> 
> New song – So She Dances – Josh Groban (I always think of this scene when I hear this one)


	26. Unwanted Attention

**Chapter 26. Unwanted Attention**

" _Dios Mio_ , Grace, did L actually ask you to marry him?" Jinya squeaked, giving Fritz a side glance that caused him to tug at his collar and clear his throat uncomfortably.

This was being nipped in the bud, I decided firmly as I set down the wine glass I had been pinching between my tensed fingers. "No, he offered me a friendly promise of protection claiming that I could only travel with him if we were married. In name only, mind you. Don't listen to his version of events. They are entirely invalid."

"That's much less romantic." she pouted. "Aren't you in love?"

"IN _LOVE?"_ L and I both sputtered, then stared at each other in fear. I released a dismissive scoff.

"Absolutely not!" I turned back to the expectant others, willing them to believe me. I couldn't have everything come out now, in front of our friends when that sort of moment is meant to be private and intensely romantic, rather than terribly embarrassing.

"Highly unlikely." L seconded, in the middle of rubbing icing off of his tie after dropping his bite of cake. "Doesn't that sort of thing happen at first sight? When my eyes first fell on Grace, I wanted her gone."

"And I wanted to _be_ gone." I added, wanting the conversation to disappear as well. "Hardly the solid basis for a romance."

Jinya sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, unhappy. "This gets worse and worse. What kind of fool proposes without being in love? Why would you want to marry someone just for _work_?"

"I don't think anyone would." Liam slipped me a teasing grin that I wished to wipe off of his face. "If they were being _honest."_

"Oh and L? If you want someone to take a proposal at least half seriously, you don't say "I'm completely lying" directly after. Kind of throws a mixed signal." Anne's eyes were bright with merriment as she gave her fiancé a supportive smile. I couldn't take much more of this and started to plan snatching one of the bread and butter puddings off of L's cart and making a run for the door.

"Er, duly noted." L replied calmly setting down his napkin and turning to face me. "Perhaps that addendum was added once I saw your reaction. To think, if you had consented, we could be man and wife at this very moment."

I hated that I felt pleased at that possibility, and rolled my eyes. "Oh yes, Mr. and Mrs. Deacon of course. I change my surname for no man."

"I had presumed that you would keep your name as well." he said quietly, "Or an alias would be created for your safety."

I met his eyes wordless, unable to breathe. He didn't seem to be joking anymore.

"Well," Anne slammed her hands down on the table in an effort at a distraction. " _I'm_ going to be Anne Cornell. Or Anne Walters-Cornell. No aliases for me. Still haven't decided on which one yet though."

"Well you've got time." Liam kissed her cheek as the tension at the table dissipated. "To think a whole year to plan everything down to the color of the napkins! We can have everything exactly as we want it!"

"Yep, one year." She spoke with unbridled happiness. "Just think where we will all be in one year!"

"Just one request," L began then, pushing away his empty plate and reaching for a whole tiramisu off the cart. "At the wedding, please do not require ties."

Our laughs rose above the tinkling of glasses like music.

* * *

_L smiled back at me. We were together in headquarters, I rifling through a filing cabinet, he crouched in the red armchair concentrating on the five different news reports emanating from the television sets. I felt such an easy peace between us, a comfortableness that made me more daring._

_Before I knew what I was doing, I strode over to him and settled down in his lap. His feet slammed to the floor and his eyes became wide with astonishment. "Grace?" he whispered, his arms encircling me, a smile fighting to break free. "What are you about?"_

_I pouted and dipped my head down to his ear. "You don't like this? I can always move you know." My lips brushed his skin and he visibly shivered._

_"Good God no..." he muttered as I nestled against his neck. "I would appreciate it if you would stay right where you are."_

_I giggled and trailed a line of kisses to his jaw. He moaned softly, then lifted a hand to up my chin and bring my eyes to his._

_"Cassandra Grace, are you trying to kill me?" his voice was husky with feeling and as I smiled pleased, he brought his mouth to mine and kissed me with a needy passion that I could hardly take._

_Each kiss lingered until we broke free and stared deeply into each other's eyes, words failing._

_"L," I finally whispered shyly. "I, I lov-"_

_"NO!"_

_In the next moment, I was thrown roughly off of his lap and landed partly under the table, a stack of files crashing to the floor as I hit the table leg that had stopped my flight._

_With the sound of heavy manila files smacking the concrete, scuffling above me could be heard. A struggle between two people was definite and amidst the shock of everything, my heart stopped when I heard a loud gunshot and a shaky gasp._

_Opening my eyes, I screamed when I saw L above me, slumped in the chair, blood steadily staining his white shirt, his eyes blank, seeing nothing._

_I overturned the table as I jumped up to help him and heard a light chuckle behind me. Looking up, a shadowy figure stood in the corner of the room, a barrel still smoking._

_"I will take all of the ones you love, one by one." he promised coldly. "And you will be powerless to stop me."_

* * *

I woke up screaming and completely disoriented in the dark. I felt a figure next to me and clung to it for dear life, shuddering.

"Grace! Gracie, what is it? For the love of God, tell me…" The voice begged as it clutched my shivering form. The tears wouldn't stop now that they had begun. L had never been in the feared dreams of my father before. It had seemed so vivid, so real.

"No, NO! You _**WON'T!**_ You _**CAN'T!**_ _"_ I shouted at the shadow still laughing in my mind. "I am _**not**_ powerless!"

"Who? What? Grace, please wake up!" The voice sounded urgent and closer.

"You can't take him from me, I won't let you!" My scream was fierce and finally caused the shadow to retreat. All that remained as my eyes adjusted was L watching me desperately worried as I lay sprawled across his lap, my arms tightly clinging to his neck in the backseat of the car. I must have fallen asleep after dinner, I quickly realized. I was mortified beyond words but couldn't move.

"Grace," he began in calming tones, lifting one finger to wipe a tear off of my cheek. "Everything's all right. You simply had a nightmare."

"He killed you." I whispered, still feeling the loss even though I was in his arms. "He said he'd kill everyone I -everyone. It was so real, I'm sorry."

"Who?"

"I assume my father." I admitted, finally slipping back down to my seat as his hold loosened. "I never can see his face."

L still looked worried. "This is the severity of the dreams you have of Huxley? Watari had said you suffered from night terrors, but I never knew… It pains me to see you so distraught. Why does he still frighten you so?"

I shook my head and hugged my chest. "I don't know. The unknown frightens me. The possibility that he could harm those I cherish…" I flushed. "Peter probably just drove off the road with the way I carried on."

"No," L responded with a secret smile. "We've been home from the restaurant for a little over two hours. I did not wish to wake you."

I was touched by how sweet that gesture was and leaned my head on his shoulder. "You could have just left me here. You didn't have to stay."

"And do what? Sleep?" he snickered, but suddenly sobered. "No, I see now that you've normally woken in terror alone. I am thankful that I was here for you this time."

"So am I." I answered, raising my face up to take him in as my heart grew full. I had been so brave earlier and in my dream, just pulled his face close to mine and the rest took care of itself. Now I had absolutely no idea how to start.

His hand lifted up as he brushed strands of wet hair off of my face, his eyes never leaving mine. "Grace Deacon," he began, his voice low. "I will always be here for you. Never question that. No person could kill me. It would have to be a bloody god!"

I giggled uneasily as we continued to stare at each other. We were all alone, no one to interrupt. What was the harm of _this_ place being the private and intensely romantic venue for expressing my feelings?

"L, about earlier."

"Er, yes? You know, a lot of things have happened today. You may need to be less vague." In the dim light I could see him smile.

"Well, all right then. First, I want to say I -I, could never marry someone I did not love…."

"Right, which is why you never would have accepted." The gentleness in his eyes vanished in an instant. "I understand that."

"No," The wrenching pain from my nightmare returned to me and I struggled to make things right, "That's not what-"

"WHOO-HOO! Love birds! If the Rolls is a-rockin', don't come a knockin!"

My hope of finding the right words to smooth things over left me as I instead cried out "What in the hell is _that?"_

L shrugged and flung open the car door to see Matt and Mello dancing around the front drive, completely spraying the car with cans of whipped cream.

"Good Lord!" I gasped as the two of them now threw hundreds and thousands at us and laughed hysterically as we stepped outside.

"Looks like somebody was in the mood for love!" Mello sang, ridiculously silly. "And you thought you were all alone. Ha ha!"

"Mihael Keehl…" I glared at him as L shook sprinkles out of his hair. "Mail Jeevas…"

"Hey, don't look at me! It was all Mello!" Matt defended himself, backing up.

"Thanks for that!" Mello gave him a cold look. "Bloody Judas."

I finally gained my bearings and let loose. "Just what did you think you were doing vandalizing the car? You will be cleaning this up directly!" Dessert toppings continued to trickle off of my clothes as I spoke, most likely lightening the severity of my threat.

"Aw geez, Grace, we were just having a laugh!" Matt protested, sticking the bag of sprinkles behind his back far too late.

"How did you even deduce that Grace and I were in the vehicle?" L questioned then, taking on his detective guise for a more frightening effect.

"Chalk it up to the amazing detective skills of yours truly!" Mello threw his blond hair back and puffed out his chest. I rolled my eyes and then glowered at Matt, waiting for him to crack. I had learned a long time ago to always single out the weakest one in situations such as these.

"Actually uh, Near told us you hadn't come in yet and Peter had." Matt admitted and Mello gave him an aggravated shove. "What? It's true!"

"Yes, amazing indeed." L's tone was dry.

I was so infuriated I couldn't see straight, and resorted to telegraphic speech. "Scrub buckets, soap, water, immediately." I commanded as L swiped a clump of whipping cream from off of the car's boot and eyed it curiously on his fingers.

"What happens if we don't?" Mello asked then with a cocky grin and apparently a death wish.

"Then say goodbye to chocolate and Mario for a fortnight!"

Amidst the howls of protestation, L popped the whipped cream finger in his mouth and licked it clean. I was beyond appalled and lost my anger in my disgust.

"L! That was on the bleeding car! It's not a sundae! Didn't you eat enough at Carabelli's for God's sake?!" I cried out, as the boys looked increasingly nervous.

L was too deep in thought to answer. "Hmm, the taste. It is precisely the flavor of my special order brand, with double the sugar and a hint of vanilla. The kind no one else is supposed to touch…" he took the pair of them in with accusing eyes. "The brand you took without permission to swathe this car in a misguided attempt at a prank."

They were in for it now.

"If I were you, I'd go get the cleaning supplies before L explodes." I informed them as their eyes widened.

"Uh, yeah, okay!" Mello backed up and tugged Matt's sleeve to follow him into the house.

L held the terrifying glare for a few more seconds before bursting out laughing as they disappeared from sight. "Good gracious! What strange ideas of enjoyment the pair of them have!"

I giggled a little too, finally getting the last of the hundreds and thousands out of the folds of my skirt. "There's never a dull moment at Wammy's. But I know, although it is rather cute. In everything they do, despite how irritating it may be, they seem so much more than friends. They're like soul mates." I gazed up at the full moon in the sky smiling, thankful the nightmare wasn't real and I still had time with the one I loved to laugh and scold the errant kids under our charge.

"Er, well, I don't think they are the only ones."

My eyes left the stars to see the gentleness had returned to L's. I smiled as he joined me staring back up into the sky. "You will always be here, right? Like you said?"

"Yes, I shall always be here, Grace."

"Good." Feeling braver, I stepped close to him and placed my hand on his cheek. "I would hate to lose you too."

"You won't." he whispered softly into the night as his hand carefully reached up to meet mine. "Worry not."

"WHOOOOOO!"

We broke apart to see Matt and Mello whooping and whistling cat calls as they appeared in the doorway bogged down with sloshing buckets and sponges.

"Don't let us interrupt!" Mello winked. "We could always leave you in peace."

"Well you didn't the first time, did you? No, we shall leave _you_ in peace to do the most thorough job of your life, or else Watari will be receiving word of this as soon as I can find him." L appeared to almost be blushing as we stepped away from the car and passed the boys to enter the house.

Matt groaned aloud as they dropped their buckets and started sponging the sweetened mess off of Peter's beloved Rolls Royce. "You're no fun!"

"Yes, I learned that long ago." L called back, his jovial expression changing when he saw mine. "What is it?" he asked, confused

"Nothing," I smiled, shaking my head. "Just that I believe you're right."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Blackout by Muse
> 
> New song – Shake It Out (Acoustic) – Florence + The Machine


	27. Conversations

**Chapter 27. Conversations**

I sat at the breakfast table the next morning eating a bowl of Corn Flakes and struggling to keep my eyes open. I hadn't slept the night before. I sometimes tended not to following nightmares, and after the horrifying one I had endured, I knew I was never going to let sleep hit me. The gun, the struggle, the threatening voice. Was that what my dear mother had heard in her last moments when her crazed husband had burst into the sitting room with his hunting rifle and killed her? Had she forgiven him as she breathed her last? I knew that I never could.

I chewed the same spoonful of cereal as I thought more. How on earth had Wammy held it together and visited him in prison for L? Why hadn't he just told L that he felt uncomfortable doing so? I remembered L saying he only learned who Huxley was because I looked like him, that Wammy hadn't said a word until he questioned him about it. What a shock that must have been and despite the unkind way I treated him, L still hadn't told anyone. Wammy had probably wanted to dive across the table to strangle Huxley himself in that room, but had maintained his composure. I was starting to fear that I could never keep that sense of control. Maybe I was never cut out for being L after all. It was difficult to aspire to something that I could only become when the man I loved was dead. Recently, I had been surprised to discover I was much more content with staying G and never having to ascend at all. My heart ached at the thought of losing him. I didn't wish to sleep and have that horror assault me again.

The kitchen door swung open and Jude entered, still in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, his blue hair tousled and his eyes looking like they had had less sleep than me.

"Good morning." I greeted him, as he yawned and walked over to the larder to hunt down some breakfast.

"Grace." He nodded in reply before going back to his foraging.

I could leave it at that. The fact that Jude actually responded when spoken to was an accomplishment L greatly deserved praise for in itself. I still found it funny though that when L was fourteen he had possessed a worse attitude than Jude and now he was teaching him manners.

I set down my spoon while he pulled out a tin of baked beans and set it on the counter. "Um, Jude? I have something to say to you."

He sighed from where he was opening the drawer to find a tin opener and turned to me tiredly, taking in my look. "You're welcome." he grumbled and went back to his search.

I was little taken aback, but smiled all the same. It was still a bit odd that he could know what I planned to say before I did. "Oh, right. And Anne and-"

"Liam are getting married, I know." He snapped as he opened his tin of beans and dumped them into a pot he began to heat on the range. "I bloody know everything."

He didn't say it with a tone of superiority or one of disgust, simply fact. Frustrated fact that of course he _would_ know everything. He needed only one look in a person's eyes to know their history, hopes, fears, even the next words already formed in their mind and about to impart from their lips.

"Yes, I suppose you do." I agreed, taking a sip of orange juice as he huffed over to the toaster with four slices of bread. "But I think it's still rather nice to tell you instead of just assuming."

"Never assume, right?" He rolled his eyes with a smirk as he crossed back over to check his beans. "Detective's code and all that?"

"It doesn't just have to be detectives." I shrugged, scraping the bottom of my bowl for the soggy remnants of breakfast. "Just better than treating you like it's not worth any time to converse. I wouldn't want people not telling me things just because they thought I already knew them."

Jude stirred the beans impatiently. "Well, you're not me, are you?" His voice was reedy but a small smirk gave him away. "It's-it's hard to start to talk to somebody when you know what they're thinking. There's always the chance you might bring up something they never did. Then they don't want to talk to you."

I felt a bit of sadness for the boy and sighed. "People feel that their minds are private places. When someone can invade that privacy, they become a bit unnerved."

"Tell me about it. I just asked that blonde haired bloke, er, starts with an F… anyway, that I'd appreciate it if he didn't keep that image of that girl, "Jin Jin" naked in his mind and he lost the plot about it!"

I giggled and set down my spoon. "My, I truly feel bad for you having to witness that." After all, I almost had been privy to the same thing yesterday thanks to L and his door-locking antics.

"Believe me, you don't want to know how many blokes here fantasize about birds getting their kit off …" he trailed off, reddening and focused his attention to digging his spoon into his pot of beans to check if they were done cooking. "Anyway, let's forget I said that. Please."

I was astounded at how much I was finding Jude likeable. "No problem. I wish you hadn't said it either!"

It came then, barely audible but Jude quietly snickered as he switched off the range and went about preparing his breakfast. It was a charming sound.

"Do you mind rooming with Near while they fix that part of your ceiling?" I asked then. "We felt that he's so quiet he wouldn't bother you much."

"Ha, he's only quiet around a lot of other people." Jude rolled his eyes. "He never shuts his gob, ever! Like I want to hear about the little soap operas and crap he conducts with his robots. Hjust sits there muttering to himself. I turn up my iPod to full blast to drown him out. Other than that, he's fine I guess."

I wondered if I should mention that when L had helped him move to Near's room, he had noticed Jude had never unpacked any of his cases since the day he moved in. "He simply lives out of them." L had noted. "I'm usually only in a location a few days and Watari and I both always unpack."

I noticed his green eyes piercing mine across the room, and drew in a breath. "Why should I unpack?" he asked defensive as he snatched his toast from the toaster and dropped it onto a plate. "It's not like I'm gonna be here forever."

"Why do you think that?" I delved further, resting my chin on my hand.

Jude watched me cautiously, testing his limits, seeing if I really cared. He shrugged. "Coz it's true. This place isn't my home. Why would I stay?"

"It could be, if you gave it a chance."

Jude blew a raspberry and poured his pot of baked beans over his toast. "Save me the gooey rubbish, Grace. It ain't like people haven't left before. What about BB? Didn't he live here? He sure doesn't anymore."

"Not that I need to even explain this, but, you and B are very different. He knew the way to ingratiate himself among us all. None of us could believe what he was capable of. He was mentally ill. _You're_ not."

"Right, I'm "gifted"." He spoke with disdain as he brought his plate to the table and sat in the last chair on the opposite side. "I'm "special." Tell me, if I'm so special, why is it that people push me off as soon as they can?"

I stared at him, struggling for words. "Well, Jude..."

"You didn't want me around. That first night. You told L that. If you would have had your way, I would have been off somewhere else before you could say Jack Robinson." He didn't point it out because he was hurt or angry. Merely because it was true and he knew it.

"I don't feel that way anymore." I assured him. "You're not the threat you made yourself out to be. I'm rather glad of that fact."

He broke up his toast with the side of his fork and eyed me. "Is this the only place you remember?"

I nodded. "I came here when I was very small. Anne remembers a little of her old life because she came here when she was a little older. L remembers nothing else either."

"No, he does. He and the other blond haired boy, the one that died, that were in an orphanage together before coming here, but only for a couple of weeks."

I was astonished at what Jude was saying but tried not to seem so. "L might not want you telling me that." I informed him, realizing even more why he had felt so jealous as a child when Winston wanted to be my friend too.

Jude shrugged as he started to eat. "That boy wasn't gifted. Nothing special about him. But L refused to leave him so Wammy said he could come."

"Not special? That's where you're wrong." I smiled sadly. "Winston was very very special. Everyone loved him."

"Oh, so the opposite of me, then, eh?" His tone was bitter as he glared down at his meal-. I felt a pang in my heart at this comment and reached across the table to touch his hand. He jerked back and gawked at me in surprise. I didn't flinch under his blatant stare and said what I wanted to, without worrying if he was going to know it already.

"You're one of us, Jude. We do care about you and we want you to be happy here."

He kept his eyes on mine, defiant. "And what if I can't be happy here? Will I be forced to stay?"

I sighed and got up from the table to wash my bowl and spoon. "You will leave someday, I'm sure. Most of the kids will when they reach the age of maturity and wish to work or study in other parts of the world. But until then, I'd like you to settle in more. Give it a go. L hardly talked to anyone besides Win while he grew up here and yet he stayed. You're already better at communication than he is. You're at an advantage."

"Yeah, but you're much older than me and L too. Talking to you is different than talking to the others." He admitted. "People are creeped out by me. I see what they think about me. I'm a monster, frightening, a psychic. Most of them don't want me around."

"Well, listen here." I started with feeling as I turned from placing my bowl in the sink. "You will always have a place here, despite how people feel about you, because you are remarkably gifted, and that what Wammy's House was founded for. To be a home for gifted kids with nowhere else to go. Nobody can take that from you. That is your right."

I might have been mistaken, but a tiniest curl formed on Jude's lips. He blinked calmly. "It's rare that anyone tells me the full truth. Thanks."

"We're a family here, every one of us, no matter where we go, what we become, we all belong." I drove the point home and saw the smile become bigger before disappearing with a cold look returning to his eyes.

"Really, Grace, you should have quit while you were ahead. Sheesh."

I laughed and went back to washing my dishes. Jude went back to eating.

"Oh and you really don't have to worry about your psychopath dad getting out of prison and hunting you down."

I froze and dropped the bowl I was washing in the sink. Good Lord!

"Wha-what, did you say?" I gasped, whirling around to see Jude peacefully finishing his meal. He blinked once more and shook his hair out of his eyes.

"He is under high security in a locked unit. You're really in no danger, and neither is L, so you shouldn't worry about it."

I struggled for speech as steaming water still ran from the spigot. "Bu-but, I-I wasn't even thinking about that!" I cried, regaining enough sense to turn off the faucet before the basin overflowed.

"Yeah, you weren't," he allowed, propping his feet up on the chair next to him as he sopped his plate with his last piece of toast. "But L has all morning."

I warmed at the thought of L worrying and also at the off handed sense of safety Jude had bestowed with his comment but kept the color from rising to my cheeks. "Oh? All right then, I'll try not to."

"He thinks of you a lot."

I scrubbed my bowl feverishly and wished the conversation to go somewhere else. "That's nice." I deflected, hoping that Jude knew when to stop.

"You think about him too. The only difference is that the way you think about him has changed since I first came here. His never has."

Forget the dishes. I stepped away from the sink and dried my hands. "Right. Well Jude, remember what I said. Near emptied half of his drawers for your things. Don't make his one good deed for the season pointless."

The smile had returned. "Why are you afraid to talk about this? You're just as bad as L."

I groaned and gave his hair a rustle before heading out the door. "Jude, I said we're family, but if you persist on being the nosy little brother, we're going to have words."

His laugh was a strange cackle but I still found it pleasing. "Okay, okay! Gotcha!"

I smiled fondly as I left him, realizing that funny, odd boy wasn't going to go anywhere. That he was a dreadful tease didn't help matters.

* * *

"Now, L! You promised!"

"Ella, I refuse to wear a tiara and pretend to be the queen. I did say I'd stay for the crumpets and tea, did I not?"

"But it's a tea party for the queen! We need a queen!"

I poked my head into the main dining hall where Ella had taken over the head table and placed a stuffed toy at each plate, save for L who was positioned next to the plate of pastries wearing a petulant look. I covered my mouth to keep from laughing aloud.

Ella stomped over to where L sat slumped in his chair with the "tiara", a cardboard crown. "You just need to wave and say "Helloooo! Thank you for the lovely tea! That's all!"

Forget stifling my laugh, it was ready to burst out of me when I saw L's look of horror at the proposition.

"When I agreed to this, Ella, I did not believe that impersonating the sovereign would be a prerequisite to eating." He replied stiffly, as Ella, who was standing on tiptoe trying to crown him, paused at the large words he was using.

"I don't know what that means, L. Puhlease? Mr. Tao came all the way from China to see her!" She gestured over to the panda bear next to L. "And Miss Lily put on her prettiest dress!"

L rolled his eyes and finally crammed the crown on his head. "Very well. I will make short work of this. Hello. Thank you for the tea-"

" _Lovely_ tea, your majesty." I interrupted, making my presence known. L's eyes widened and Ella clapped her hands in delight.

"Er, right. The _lovely_ tea. I left my very busy schedule to be here for this event and I am quite hungry so, er, feed me."

I shook my head in disapproval. "The queen would never say that. Especially not in front of distinguished guests. Britain would look horrible to the rest of the world."

"Yes L, do it again!" Ella insisted as L shot me a look that I found profoundly adorable even though it was the coldest he could muster.

"I swear that…fine fine." He cleared his throat and turned to Ella, a manic smile appearing on his face as he waved wildly. "HELLOOO! Thank you ever so much for the _lovely_ tea in my honor! It is my absolute pleasure to attend! And Mr. Tao, your presence here is greatly appreciated in these busy times. Let us dine together and discuss trade between our fine countries!"

I was bent over holding my stomach laughing at the end of it. Ella was completely contented as she skipped over to grab my hand. "Miss Gracie! Come to our tea party! L was the queen but he doesn't have to be anymore!"

"Thank the heavens for that." L muttered, pulling the crown off of his head and setting it on the table. "I think I'll leave that job up to the real one."

Ella lead me over to L's other side and sat me down. "Now Miss Gracie, it's your turn! I'm a mummy and Mr. Tao is my baby. And you and L, Miss Gracie! It's-it's your wedding day! You're getting married! And we're eating breakfast before the vicar comes! It's so lovely!"

I sighed deeply, pushing the crown away from my seat as Ella danced around making preparations. "Word travels fast here, doesn't it?"

L leaned back in his chair and flashed me a smile. "I'll say, I'd much rather play your husband than the queen again."

"Well at least I'm not marrying the queen. That's quite a responsibility increase that I'm not prepared for."

"No, you're marrying me." His smile grew bigger as Ella began to pour the tea into dainty china cups. "Although I wish you had dressed in something more appealing than your red dressing gown for our big day."

"You take me as I am, or this wedding is off." I teased back. "You didn't even brush your hair!"

"Touché."

Ella stopped in front of us, a grin lighting up her sweet face. "Perfect! Now I must run and get the vicar!" She tore out of the dining room before we could say another word.

"Eager to rush things, is she not?"

"Well, I believe she wishes us not to live in sin any longer."

Ella returned, dragging Jude in by the arm. "I found him! I found the vicar! He's going to marry you, L and Miss Gracie! And you can be happy forever and ever!"

Jude's eyes fell on me and the smirk was too much to bear. "Well, well." He began. "I can't really stand in the way of happiness, can I?"

I realized then the downside of Jude Caul making himself at home at Wammy's. He had a sense of humor just as bad as the rest of us.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Modern Nature by Sondre Lerche
> 
> New song: When I Grow Up – Original West End Cast Recording of Matilda
> 
> Reviews always appreciated like tea and crumpets with the queen! :)


	28. Dearly Beloved

**Chapter 28. Dearly Beloved**

**L POV**

_Grace sat next to me in her scarlet robe, her auburn hair caught up in a black ribbon as she finished eating a crumpet and wiping her mouth with a cloth napkin. "Well," she shrugged, giving me a teasing smile. "I must eat something. I refuse to be one of those silly brides that faints during her vows."_

_Gods, if I could only say the word, the cathedral's bishop would be hurriedly thrown in his vestments to marry us for real. Instead, I coughed and fidgeted in my seat. "Oh, does that happen?" I asked, noticing Ella draping a folded tablecloth over Jude's shoulders and handing him a fireplace poker, her approximation, I presume, of a vicar._

_I loved it when Grace laughed then, and lifted up a cooling cup of tea to her lips. "Of course it does! If you don't eat anything on your wedding day because you are so distracted with dressing and pictures and such_ _you can prepare to blackout in front of all of your guests. No thank you. People don't forget that sort of thing. I'm teased enough as it is."_

_"Oh," I answered dumbly, entranced as always by her liveliness of mind, the way she brought vivid images to her words and lastly by her extraordinary eyes sparkling with excitement._

_She sipped the tea and raised an eyebrow. "Rather like how unforgettable your impersonation of Her Majesty was a few minutes ago. Mind you, it's forever emblazoned in my memory."_

_I rolled my eyes, frustrated. Of all the things for her to remember, I wish it wouldn't be_ _**that.** _ _"I am ever so pleased." I replied dryly. "Perhaps I have a future as an actor."_

_"Well, you've got the looks for it." Grace answered back quickly, then sucked in a breath as shock crossed her face. "Good heavens, er, I mean, uh, that is to say…" her cheeks were collecting more color by the second._

_I smiled watching her sputter and leaned in close to her ear. "Well, I fear I am no Harrison Ford."_

_Her torment disappeared with a look of surprise. "How do you know who that is?" she demanded as Ella now showed Jude the correct way to stride around the room as a pompous member of the church. I wondered where she had obtained her ideas._

" _Well, I researched him yesterday afternoon after you explained about_ _ **Indiana Jones**_ _. He is the actor that portrays him, yes?"_

_Her bright smile returned and I felt like a bloody hero. "I didn't think you cared enough to actually conduct research about it." she remarked with seeming admiration._

_I shrugged humbly. "I do have the extra leisure time. It has been rather slow as of late with cases."_

" _I've noticed that._ _It's curious, I'll admit." She answered and before I could question her further, Ella clapped her hands and called us to attention._

" _All right, everybody! We're ready! L, you go stand with the vicar. Miss Gracie, you stand with me!"_

_Grace laughed and got up from her chair, taking Ella's hand as she led her to the far side of the room by the high windows. I slowly joined Jude by the door and couldn't handle his knowing smirk._

" _Having fun, L?" he asked, his tone much more light-hearted than was customary. I was curious at the change._

" _I did not know you had taken orders at the abbey." I joked back, picking up a corner of the tablecloth tied at his throat. "You resemble the pope more than any vicar I have ever encountered."_

" _And you remind me of a twenty-three year old bloke playing house." He returned, pulling his "vestments" out of my grasp and rearranging them on his shoulders._

_I chuckled then. "So I am."_

" _Poppet, I don't see this necessary."_

" _But Miss Gracie! You always have the prettiest nightgowns! It'll be a better wedding dress, I promise!"_

_I glanced across the room to see Ella untying Grace's dressing gown and tugging it off of her shoulders with some difficulty. A delicate cream colored nightgown with thin lace straps was revealed underneath that fell perfectly over her exquisite form and made my insides ache at the sight. Dear God._

" _No, no, none of that." Jude cringed, when I tore my eyes off of her and looked back at him._

" _Pardon?"_

_His green eyes flashed with anger. "You know bloody well what I mean. I don't need to see Grace…you know…like that…again. It's embarrassing as hell. I don't know how_ _**you** _ _can even look her in the eye!"_

_I blushed as Grace stooped down so that Ella could pull out the ribbon holding up her hair and let her curls fall over her shoulders. She was far too pleasing. I simply could not look at Jude anymore. "I do apologize," I muttered. "It is something I cannot help."_

" _You should learn to try." He responded through gritted teeth. "I don't need to get all red faced every time I see her because of what_ _ **you**_ _think about! She'll think I'm hiding something."_

" _Well," I admitted honestly. "In a way, you are."_

_I finally took in his sneer. "And so are you."_

_I gulped and stared down at my feet. It was never a good thing when your protégé knows you better than you know yourself._

" _There!" Ella finished fussing with Grace's hair and stuck a few flowers from a centerpiece in her hands. "You are ready and ever so pretty!"_

" _It's a girl's dream to be married in her nightgown." Grace deadpanned with a smirk as she stood up again, her hair catching the light from the windows. "I'm so happy I could cry."_

_I started stepping toward her, through no thought of my own, but Ella flew over, stopping me by placing her hands on my chest and standing firm. "No, no! Not yet! She comes to_ _**you** _ _! But, but…" she let go of me as she frantically looked about. "We're missing something!"_

_Just then, Watari poked his head into the dining room and took in the bizarre tableau before him. "I say! What's going on here?" his voice was full of laughter. I would never hear the end of it._

" _Mr. Wammy!" Ella's face lit up as she skipped over to him and pulled him into the room. "You are what we needed! You need to give Miss Gracie away!"_

" _Give her away? But I'm very fond of Grace." Watari protested with a silly gleam in his eye. "I don't want her to go anywhere!"_

" _Well you have to!" The child insisted. "She's going to marry L and you need to walk her down the aisle!"_

_Watari adjusted his spectacles and took me in with an impossible grin. "Oh, I see! An interesting development! At least Liam actually asked for his bride's hand. I'm a little offended, L. Did you think I would refuse?"_

_He was expecting a response and I was profoundly embarrassed. "Er, it was all so unexpected. If it had been premeditated, I would certainly have consulted you, Watari."_

" _Quite all right, my boy." Watari winked and crossed over to an even more embarrassed Grace. "You look perfectly lovely, my dear. I must say, I like your choice of husband."_

" _Oh, do you, sir?" Grace answered, blinking rapidly. "That's good, then."_

_Ella placed the two of them together and Watari placed Grace's hand on the crook of his elbow. His face radiated pride and a large part of me wished that this could all be true. Was it not all she wanted? Watari walking her down the aisle to a kind husband who loved her more than anything? I sighed, angry at myself for thinking too far ahead as usual. She still didn't know that I was that person. There was never the perfect moment to tell her. So many stops and starts, it seemed we were forever running in the wrong direction. But for now, I could pretend, just like Ella, that she was actually going to marry me, and I would have all I ever desired. Cassandra Grace Deacon Lawliet. I felt myself grinning at the mere thought._

" _Please don't show me what you're thinking about." Jude warned out of the corner of his mouth as he stared straight ahead. "I really don't want to know."_

_I blanched, realizing I hadn't left my thoughts guarded. I had almost given Jude my name. I was acting like a fool and hardly the seasoned detective I was supposed to be. I was playing make believe in a fantasy world with not the least semblance of reality without the slightest concern for my own protection. I was so disappointed with myself for getting carried away. Frowning, I caught Grace's eyes across the room. The light died in them as she was thrown back into reality as quickly as I. This was terribly childish and we both knew it. "Sir, I'm certain Anne needs my assistance packing for the London trip." She made her excuses, stepping away from Watari flustered._

_Watari could only look at her with surprise. "But my dear, I thought you were to be wed! You're not leaving poor L at the altar, are you?"_

" _There's no altar, and no wedding." She pointed out, setting down her flowers on the table. "I really must take my leave, she needs my help."_

" _Anne is already packed and her case is in Liam's car." Jude answered smoothly, raising his eyebrow. "Now may we carry on?"_

_Grace appeared startled and Watari once again linked his arm to hers. "Cold feet." He informed Ella who sighed exasperated and handed Grace back the flowers._

" _Now Miss Gracie! You're supposed to_ _ **want**_ _to marry L! You've waited for this day your WHOLE LIFE_ _ **!"**_

" _I can assure you that is not true, Ella." I spoke up, and saw Grace's fearful expression relax. "Grace was never your age wanting to marry me."_

" _Yeah, it was that Winston she imagined." Jude noted off handedly, causing everyone to stare at him in disbelief. Grace parted from Watari again and strode over to Jude angry._

" _Do you not recall our discussion from fifteen minutes ago?" she began, her tone dangerous. "That is something I never disclosed to you and yet here you are broadcasting it!"_

_I attempted to make my manner of speech casual, but I was rather unsettled by Grace's revelation. She had wanted to be with Winston, if he had lived, who would I have been to take her away from him? I realized even more how the two of them would have been a much better pair, both thoughtful, both caring, vastly better matched, I would have just been the one in love with my sole friend's girl. Like I was now. "You wanted to marry Winston?"_

_She turned to me frustrated. "When I was six, sure! I loved Win, he was the only boy who was nice to me! Didn't you want to marry anyone when you were little?"_

_I shook my head. She had a point there. "I never expected to marry. I did not think anyone would ever love me enough to want to do so."_

_Good God, why had I ever said that? Surprise and pain flickered in her violet turning eyes before she spoke resolutely again. "Well, apparently today you're marrying me, so that's changed, hasn't it?"_

_All I could do was nod as she marched back over to Watari and Jude exhaled in relief._

" _All right, let's get started! Mr. Wammy, Miss Gracie, you start walking when I start the song, okay?"_

_Watari agreed and Grace looked as if she was steeling herself for battle. My thumb was halfway to my lips before I caught myself and shoved my hand into my pocket. It was fictional, merely a performance of a traditional act, but I felt myself uneasy despite it all._

_Ella burst out into song, but it certainly was not the wedding march or anything remotely resembling it._

" _These words are my own, from my heart flown_

_I love you I love you I love you!_

_There's no other way to better say_

_I love you I love you!"_

_Grace turned to Watari and giggled as they began walking toward us as Ella continued to sing a pop song that I doubted was playing at any services in England or elsewhere._

_Grace and Watari finally were steps away from us when a robot toy erratically sprinted into the room, stopping them from making another step as it whizzed past._

_She sighed and turned to the door. "Even on my wedding day, he's trying to break my neck. NEAR!"_

_Now Near appeared in the doorway, fiddling with a remote control. "I was not trying to do any such thing, Grace. It simply…" he raised his head and took us all in. "Are you all putting on a play?" he asked bewildered._

_"No! L and Miss Gracie are getting married and you! You can be the old lady that cries through the whole thing!" Ella had stopped singing to inform him, scooping up the toy as she ran over and dropped him down into a chair._

_Near stared at her with no words. "I-uh, wha?"_

_The dark haired child stuck her hands on her hips. "You just need to cry and say how beautiful Miss Gracie looks and how handsome L is! That's all!"_

_Near glared defiantly at her. "I refuse to do any such thing. Grace is not even fully dressed and L looks the same as he always does."_

_"Killjoy." Jude smirked as Ella dropped the robot in Near's lap, causing him to double over._

_"Fine! Then just SIT!"_

_"I can do that." Near winced, inspecting his wayward mechanical toy._

_"Okay good! Now we're ready!"_

_Watari parted from Grace then and gave her a tender kiss on the cheek. "I wish you much happiness, my girl." He told her softly and Grace smiled warmly, looking down at her flowers. He then shook my hand. "Take care of her, my lad." His eyes twinkled with mischief and I found my voice._

_"Absolutely, Watari."_

_"Now, Miss Gracie, hold L's hand! Mr. Jude! You start!"_

_"Er okay." Grace blushed as her fingers met mine and delicately entwined them together. The foolish smile on my face was never going to disappear as the two of us stood in front of Jude to be "married."_

_"Right. Dearly beloved and ..Near, we're gathered here today to witness Grace and L get married. Uh, if anyone doesn't want them to, just say so or don't say anything after this." Jude paused and glanced at the doors and windows. "Just checking for Lordy Boy." He teased and Grace rolled her eyes. "Right, so uh, L, repeat after me and uh, look at Grace while you're talking."_

_"All right." I turned to take in my beauty watching me with amusement. My smile must have truly looked stupid._

_"Okay, I, uh… L. You really don't have a longer name?"_

_I kept my eyes firmly on Grace. "No!"_

_"Uh right then. Say "I L."_

_"I, L." I spoke calmly regardless of the racing of my heart._

_"Love you madly, Grace, and want to be your husband."_

_I froze as Grace's mouth fell open. Our director did not see anything wrong with going off script and sat next to Near happily._

_"Jude, that is not in the common vows." I informed him quietly._

_Jude gave me a hard look. "Well in my church it is, so say it!"_

_Watari chuckled softly behind us._

_I squeezed Grace's hand as I labored to speak. "I L, er, uh, love you madly, Grace and erm, want to be your husband."_

_The shock was still prominent in her expression as Jude continued._

_"Now say, I promise to be good to you and to take you out a lot and not name our kids only letters."_

_Grace burst out laughing but I remained like stone. "Er, well, I promise to be good to you and take you out…a lot…and not name our kids only letters."_

_"Good, now Grace…"_

_"I, Grace Deacon, love you madly, L and want to be your wife." Grace blurted out and dropped her flowers as she clamped her free hand over her mouth in astonishment._

_I nearly fainted where I stood. So much about eating keeping you fortified from passing out. Those words coming from her lips, "I Grace, love you, L." I could not get over them. If it was the only time I ever heard it in my life, I was guaranteed happy._

_Jude cackled. "Well yeah, but let me finish! I promise to be good to you and help you with cases and make you loads of toffee chunk biscuits and be someone you can always laugh with. Say that."_

_Grace composed herself as I handed her back her flowers. "Good lord, I'm so sorry. Uh, I promise to be good to you and help you with cases and make you loads of toffee chunk biscuits and be someone you can always laugh with." Her face had never been more scarlet and she couldn't keep her eyes on me. She looked impossibly pretty._

_"All right good. So you guys are here to get married, right?"_

_I spoke for us. "Er, I suppose."_

_Jude smiled. "Okay then, you're married. Kiss the bride, L. This tablecloth is itchy."_

_Our eyes locked and I heard an intake of breath from everyone in the room._

_"It is just pretend." Grace said then, biting down on her lip. "That part's not needed."_

_Braver than I had ever been, I placed my other hand on her waist and stepped forward. "Oh no, I'm afraid that it is."_

_I came close to her, my lips gently and carefully brushing hers to the amazement of everyone in the room. My heart exploded with the contact, as I tried to do much better than before, when all I could do was return pressure in the direction it was coming from._

_"Oh! It's so looooveely!" Ella wailed, pretending to dab her eyes with a napkin. "Everything is so beautiful!"_

_I parted from Grace to see her eyes flutter open and focus on me disbelieving. "L?" she whispered as if we were the only ones present._

_"My apologies, Mrs. Ryuzaki. They wished for a good show." I smiled at her, surprised that she didn't return it. She had to know I was not serious, didn't she?_

_"A show…right." She released my hand and turned to Ella. "Well, poppet, this married lady needs to see the future married lady off, all right?"_

_Ella's face fell when she noticed Grace's expression. Something was wrong. "Um, okay, Miss Gracie. Tell Miss Annie to have fun in London!"_

_"Will do." Grace shakily threw back on her dressing gown and Watari addressed her concerned._

_"My dear, is something the matter?"_

_"Nothing of significance." She shrugged, belting her robe rapidly._

_"Oh, well, before you go, I wished to tell everyone that I plan to give a ball for Anne and Liam in a few weeks' time. That was my original intent on coming in here at all and I got thrown into another wedding instead!"_

_Her face brightened. "Oh sir! That's a wonderful idea! Anne will be thrilled!"_

_"So order a fancy frock for yourself." He instructed her fondly. "I plan it to be a big do."_

_"Okay!" she smiled back at him. "That sounds lovely!"_

_Grace started to leave the room and I knew I could not just let her go. Dammit, I had kissed her in front of everyone, didn't that mean something?_

_"Er, G?"_

_Her returning look was friendly but cautious. "Yes L? I really don't want to miss saying goodbye."_

_I lowered my gaze. "Right, never mind then."_

_She hurried from the room as Watari went over to congratulate Ella on the doings and to inspect Near's latest robot._

_"What could I possibly have said?" I wondered aloud, my heart sinking to the depths of my stomach._

_Jude snorted as he yanked off the tablecloth. "Mate, you have no idea about women, do you?"_

_I sighed and shook my head. He may only be an adolescent but he was completely right._

_I might be a genius, but I was an imbecile when it came to love._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to "I'm Yours" by The Script, and of course "These Words" by Natasha Bedingfield, a hit back in 2005. :P
> 
> New song – She –Elvis Costello


	29. Escape

**Chapter 29. Escape**

I walked up the stairs with a frozen smile on my face, just wishing to get to my room, to reach its sanctuary and develop a plan. Not cry foolishly and curse his name. Think calmly and reasonably of a legitimate way not to be heartbroken. Once my fingertips touched the door knob I knew I was beyond any reasonable thought. I passed through the threshold and the tears began. Damn him! Damn him to hell! Just who did he think he was, kissing me like that in front of Wammy, Ella, Jude and even Near? And then releasing me from my stupor just to say it hadn't mattered? Yet again!

"What a complete git." I seethed as I crossly changed out of my night gown/wedding dress and dressed in a pair of trousers. I tore a shirt off of the hanger in my wardrobe and threw it over my head now wanting to be out of the house as soon as possible. A brisk walk on the grounds might do the trick, possibly even be therapeutic. I doubted it, but I had to go somewhere. Somewhere away from him and my growing penchant for physical violence.

A knock fell on the door and I shouted, "Go away! I want a divorce!"

Silence, then Anne came into the room stunned. "Gracie?! Gracie, what's wrong?"

"Oh," I went back to trying to tie my trainer shoelace as she instantly came to my side and hugged me. "Just the usual. I need to get away from him. It's just painful. I'm tired of how genuine and wonderful he can be one minute and blasé and heartbreaking the next. He's just…a….flipping wanker! I've had enough of the reckless way he plays with my heart. I can't take it anymore!"

Anne listened to me fully and intently as always, her eyes warm with understanding as I carried on with tears and curses and wishes that Wammy had left him in that orphanage and never brought him into my life.

"Grace," she finally spoke. "I thought that you guys had talked things through. You were so sweet together last night. What could have happened already?"

I hung my head. "Last night did end up wonderful, but it was just another instance of seeing a bit more of the L I want to know and then watching that be snatched back out of my reach. I wish I could understand. I can figure out most anything but not him! He's so bloody confusing! I don't think he even knows what he wants! He doesn't want to be a grown up-that's it-he wants to play these childish games for as long as he's able. Bugger it that he's supposed to have responsibilities! Nothing has meaning! He thinks everything's a laugh, granted, we were pretending to get married but still!"

"Wait, what?!" Anne cried, a smile flashing across her face before concern banished it once more. "Back up. Pretending to get  _married?_ "

I shrugged. "Simply appeasing Ella. One of her "Let's Pretends". It was all rather fun until he kissed me in front of half the house  _and_  Wammy and then said it was all for show." I punched the pillow by my side in frustration and the stupid picture I had looked at before bed for months while imagining any possibility of us being together slipped out from under it and fluttered to the floor. I glared at it with a new hatred. Damn him for being attractive and athletic and sensual and all of it! I'd show him when the picture ended up in my bin as it should have long ago.

Anne quickly scooped up the sketch before I could grab it. She smoothed out the wrinkles on the paper with a small smile. "I don't want you destroying my painstakingly created masterpiece in a fit of fury, G. I'll keep it for now, all right?"

"Right, that's probably best." I sighed, wiping my eyes with a shaky sniffle. I would miss her terribly, but her idea to go visit Liam's family now that she was to become part of it had made sense. It was only right and it was typical Anne through and through.

She glanced down at the picture preparing to speak once more. "You know, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I don't think you are the only one in possession of one of my sketches."

I was confused. "What? Of course I'm not, Annie. Every person here has always loved your portraits of them. I even saw that one you did of Clarke hanging in his office a few years back. They are treasured."

"No…" She hesitated. "What I'm trying to say is…there was a piece I drew once…and it went missing…Well, the sketchbook didn't go missing, that was still there on the table when I came back for it. But the sketch was gone, the page had been ripped out cleanly from the book…"

I frowned. "Someone stole your art?! Why didn't you ever tell me this? That sort of behavior is unacceptable!"

Anne smirked a little at my reaction. "It was just a doodle, G, not the  _Mona Lisa._  The reason I'm even telling you is because the sketch was of  _you_."

I drew in a breath. "Of me?"

"Yes. I even remember it. We were in the library talking and I drew you sitting at the window seat. Then we left to go do whatever and when I came back for my book, the picture wasn't there. I couldn't figure it out, who would want it? Well, to take it instead of asking me for it anyway. And then I figured it out. It had to be someone who wouldn't want to explain to me  _why_ they wanted it, because that reason was private and personal." She finished and looked at me knowingly. "Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yes." I answered coolly. "You're saying that as well as a wanker and a liar, L is also a thief. Well not to worry, as long as there is still breath in my body that man will pay for his actions and you will get your art sketch back."

Anne rolled her eyes. "Grace! That's not where I'm going with this. I don't care if he has the picture. The fact that he has the picture at  _all_ should be what's important!"

I sighed shakily. "Perhaps it would, if he hadn't just reminded me of how little importance he deems my feelings. Anyway, you know I'm going to miss you but I'll be all right here, I always am. Now you better be off. I'm sure Liam is waiting."

Anne stared at me for a moment more, then wordlessly walked to my wardrobe where she pulled out a small dusty suitcase. It thumped on the floor as she bent down to snap open the latches, leaving it splayed open on the rug as she went back into my wardrobe thrusting back hangers.

I watched through tear dampened hair as she started throwing clothes from the wardrobe into the case. "Annie, what exactly are you doing?"

She stopped for a moment with my red cardigan in hand. "I've decided. You're going to come to London with Lee and me, so you need stuff to wear, don't you?"

My heart stopped in my chest as I realized the magnitude of her statement. "What? No, I can't do that!" I jumped up to halt her feverish packing, grasping one sleeve of the garment while she held the other one.

"Why?" she demanded. "If you stay here you're going to mortally wound L and I don't want that to happen no matter how great it seems to you right now. Gracie, I see why you're hurt. He's very hard to figure out and it's exhausting trying to. You deserve a holiday and I really want you to come. Liam's family will be so thrilled to have you!"

"No, I can't impose on their hospitality." I disagreed as Anne continued piling clothing into the suitcase, some of it missing its destination in her flurry of motion. I had to admit that the escape to the big city was sounding more inviting by the second. I did have my credit card…I could book a suite at the Savoy, spare no expense and bloody enjoy myself, as well as get to meet Anne's future-in-laws. L would be the last thing on my mind, just like I would be at the bottom of his list of consideration like usual.

"Lee's all ready to go." Anne informed me huffing as she tried to close the case she had packed full. I made my decision by sitting down on case as she latched it shut.

"Now," she looked up at me with a big smile. "Are  _you_?"

I found myself nodding as a heavy painful weight lifted from my shoulders. She gave me a fierce hug and tamed my wild hair a bit with her hand. "Things are going to be okay." She promised. "He may be hard to crack, but he cares."

I rolled my eyes and snorted derisively. "I'll wager anything he won't even know I'm gone for hours."

"Well," Anne stood up, crossing to the door, opening it a crack and peeking down the corridor. "Unless you want him to know right now, we'd better go."

"Right." I picked up my purse and pulled the strap up my shoulder as I lifted the suitcase. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. It wasn't defeat anymore when I took in the reflection of the saddened girl staring back at me, it was resolution.

I followed Anne out into the hall, closing my door carefully behind me.

We left at a rather convenient time as the majority of the kids would be immersed in their first lessons of the day and L would likely be consulting with Wammy about the newest cases being referred. Still, the fact that we made it out the front door without incident still surprised me. Not one person was around to even notice our leaving. Granted, Anne had given her kisses goodbye earlier that morning, but for no one to even see Liam jump out of the car to slip my case in the boot or the three of us climb in the car at all was astounding in its own right.

"So you're coming with us, Grace?" Liam jovially called back to me as he started up the car and we started toward the front gate. I was facing the back window looking for any sign of life to note our departure and still not seeing one.

"Looks that way." I answered back, absorbed in taking in the house as we passed through the gate and turned onto the winding road that led toward the north. I hadn't left its safety very much since I was brought in wrapped in Wammy's coat on a stormy night almost twenty years ago. Part of me was afraid to leave something so familiar, another part felt exhilarated at the thought. It was a rarity that I was leaving home with L still there. I suppose we'd see how much he liked it for a change.

I finally sat forward and snapped on my seat belt, slumping in my seat as I watched the scenery pass on my side of the car disconsolate. Anne glanced over at Liam with a weighted look and he spoke up then brightly. "So! Let's have a listen to the radio, why don't we?"

"It's your car." I mumbled and he fiddled around with the knobs before he found an upbeat song that he turned up to full blast.

I groaned as the chorus started. It was the same song Ella had sung while I processed up the aisle to marry an icy, careless creep less than an hour previous. Was fate trying to tell me something?

Not noticing my look of annoyance, Anne and Liam sang along with the radio in a fumbling sweet harmony, catching each other's eyes during the "I love you" part of the chorus. If she wasn't my sister and my best friend, I'd want to throw something at her for being so impossibly, blissfully in love and having no issues with saying those three simple words. I sighed and closed my eyes, hugging my chest as I tried to focus and not think about the kiss that had been even better than the one in front of Andrew despite it being in front of more people. No such luck.

All I could remember was his long fingers resting on my waist, with only a thin, satiny fabric keeping my skin from his touch, the determined look in his eyes as he came close, the feather light kiss that had caused me to feel happiness I never knew possible, then his idiotic, teasing words as he pulled away. Good show indeed. I groaned aloud and covered my eyes with my hand. It was going to be a long car ride with these thoughts to continually torture myself.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep because I jolted at the sound of Anne's mobile going off as we drove down a crowded street in East London. Discount retail operations, fish and chip shops and a street market passed my eyes as Anne checked her message and sighed.

"What is it?" I asked, stretching out my neck from its uncomfortable sleeping position.

She turned back to me with a rueful smile. "I just got a text from you-know-who stating that you are missing and that we need to turn back and look for you."

I ignored the stab of excitement that I felt at her news and crossed my arms. "Let him figure it out for his own self. He solves cases left and right, doesn't he? One missing woman shouldn't be too much trouble."

Anne sighed patiently and Liam shot a look to me in the rearview mirror. "Cases? I thought he searched for treasures for a living!"

Anne and I shared a stunned look before she settled back into her seat. "Everybody's gotta have a hobby, hun. L likes to consider himself a modern Sherlock Holmes, except without the ability."

"Yes, he's found a missing stable cat and my barrette and likens himself to a detective." I laughed uneasily. "Mad, huh?"

Liam laughed. "It would be madder if he was the  _real_  L, huh?"

"Err, haha yes, that would be something!"

Anne fiddled with her mobile and I just knew she wasn't letting the World's Greatest Detective deduce the mystery for himself. "Are you really telling him where I am?" I whinged as Liam turned down a pretty street with small gardens in front of brick two floor homes.

"Yes, he's not good enough to figure it out for himself, remember? I'm just telling him you're with me and safe so he doesn't have a panic attack and call in the police."

"Like he would anyway." I grumbled, as she received a response that apparently angered her.

"All right, now I'm in the same boat as you. What a git." She snapped her phone shut and threw it back in her purse.

"What did he say?" Liam asked as he parked in front of one of the homes with three balloons tied to the gate.

"Oh, just that he thought I would be less juvenile than assisting Grace in running away. Me juvenile! At least I'm adult enough to tell the people I love how I feel about them!"

I felt sick in my stomach as I thought back on what she had said. "What do you mean by that, Annie?" I asked quietly as I saw her eyes widen in the side mirror.

"Uh, Gracie, just that-"

"THERE SHE IS! MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER TO BE!"

I jumped a mile when a lovely large woman tore out of the garden and through the gate to meet us at the car.

Anne laughed and opened her door to be pulled into a big hug by the woman I deduced as Liam's mum. "Daisy! It's so great to see you!"

Mrs. Cornell released her and held her at arm's length with a firm gaze. "You had best start calling me Mum and like it, luv!"

Anne giggled. "Okay, no problem! Daisy I mean Mum, I'd like to introduce you to my sister, Grace. She came with us from Winchester."

I stepped out of the car and carefully walked to the other side where Anne and Mrs. C stood, holding out my hand with a small smile. "How do you do, Mrs. Cornell."

She eyed my hand for a second before I was thrown into a bosomy, perfumey hug and heard her throaty chuckle above my head. "You're another one who'd better call me Mum! We're practically family now! I've heard so much about you, Grace! Welcome to London, darlin'!"

I had absolutely no doubt where Liam had learned his congenial nature now.

"Er thank you." I answered as she let me go and went to kiss her son. "It's good to be here."

"Are Aunt Mitsi and Nan home?" Liam asked as he kissed her back and went to get the cases out of the back of the car.

"Mitsi's still at work but Nan's making up lunch. Come on in! There's plenty and I expect you all to eat loads!"

"Perhaps she's a little like our Mrs. C after all." I whispered to Anne as we passed through the little front gate and up the front steps.

"No, I doubt she'll be making googly eyes at Wammy once she meets him unlike others we may know." She kidded back as she held open the door for Liam with the cases. I stood on the stoop and looked out onto the busy street. I could see the street market in full swing two blocks down and a small park directly across from the house with several children running around a playground. The overcast skies gave everything a darker tinge and I shivered a little as a cool breeze rushed down the street. Nonetheless I was smiling.

To hell with a walk around the grounds, perhaps all I had needed was to leave the grounds completely. And the one who made life so terribly confusing.

"Take that, L." I whispered as the wind wrenched a balloon from the gate and sent it skyward. "I'm finally free."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Nothing in My Way by Keane
> 
> New song: Delayed Devotion - Duffy
> 
> I know ::dodges rotten tomatoes:: I sent Gracie away from L! But, then he has to come get her and that will be intensely romantic...right? At least I hope so. :/


	30. Family

**Chapter 30. Family**

When I finally came inside the home, I could smell something delectable cooking. An earthy, sweet smell lured me through the well cared for sitting room to the kitchen where Anne, Liam, Daisy and a tiny woman of mature years were laughing together, presenting a true scene of domestic bliss.

I hesitated in the doorway and Anne jumped up from the table to bring me over to the woman with her hair wrapped in a red and gold scarf, stirring a large pot on the range, "Grace, you have to meet Nan, Liam's grandmother. Nan, this is my sister I told you about, Grace Deacon."

The petite lady turned away from her cooking and eyed me carefully over tortoise shell glasses. "You, you carry much sadness, child." She noted in a wispy voice like music. Good lord, had I met another Ella? Or even more worrisome, another Jude?

I gulped, reaching out to shake her hand. "How do you do, Mrs...er.."

"It's just Nan, darlin' to all comers." She gave me a warm smile and touched my face. "Don't be saddened, things will turn out right, you know."

If I wasn't careful, I was going to cry unabashedly on this woman's shoulder. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Grace." She mused, returning to her pot, adding a seasoning. "From God."

"Pardon? Oh, erm, yes, that is correct."

"Nan loves name origins," Daisy called to me from the table where she was pouring apple juice into ice filled glasses. "Come sit down, and tell me more about you and Annie and that big ole house you grew up in!"

I slowly walked to a chair in the airy kitchen and gratefully took a glass to drink. "If you'd like to know, it's rather a quick story."

"Quick's better than no story at all." She replied with a grin, as she sat down and reached for a napkin.

"Very true. Well, all right then, I supposed it started with our founder, Mr. Wammy. He was always very bright as a child, he created inventions that came to his mind from seemingly nowhere. Everyone knew he had a tremendous gift. He was sixteen when his father was killed in a locomotive accident, his mother had died years earlier of an untreated fever and resulting from these tragedies he had become an orphan. A kind uncle took him in who encouraged his gifts and after he grew up, he became quite successful with many patents to his name. He wanted to create a home for orphaned children with special abilities and so he started Wammy's House in Winchester. His goal was to encourage the gifts of the children quite like his uncle had him, and the goal has been actualized. It's a lovely place and we've both been very happy there."

"Gracie and I were best friends from the start!" Anne added picking up where I left off. "We were the third and fourth kids brought to live there. The first ones were two boys named L and Winston, both very special in their own way..."

I swore Nan noticed my expression change for the quickest second when Anne mentioned L because she nodded and made a knowing noise in her throat. I dropped my eyes to the checkered tablecloth as Anne went on to describe our childhood, save for the detective work and what not.

I winced as she reached Win's death and how swift it was. "…One day he was fine, and the next…well, he never woke up. He was such a wonderful person, he always knew how to make things right. His death made life pretty terrible for a while."

"A born diplomat." I noted, sipping the juice. "The loveliest boy who ever lived, the loss was indescribable."

A captivated Daisy wasn't blind to see how the loss still hurt us and quickly reached for Anne's left hand in an effort to change the subject. "Well now! Let me see Mum's beautiful ring on you, luvie! And you must tell us how our boy asked you!"

Smiling, I watched Anne regale Daisy and Nan with her story and Liam grin proudly as he served us the soup from the hob.

"Butternut squash soup, good and thick for your bones on a day like today." Nan mentioned as we began to eat. She was right. The soup's texture was like velvet and delicious, but I didn't have much of an appetite.

Unfortunately, Liam's grandmother also had eyes like a hawk "You ain't eating much, Grace."

I picked up my spoon and dipped it into the now cooling bowl of soup. "Er well, it's exceptional, truly, I'm just not very hungry."

"Ah. Would you prefer a lie down?" The spare room is just up the stairs." Daisy offered and I shook my head.

"No, no, I couldn't impose." I replied quickly, knowing I should take my leave. "I'm going to check into a hotel later today but I thank you for the offer."

"What? Why?" Daisy appeared utterly crestfallen and four pairs of eyes instantly fell on me, daring me to give a valid reason.

I sank lower in my chair. "Well, because I'd rather not be in the way."

Daisy banged her fist on the table, causing the spoons to rattle in the bowls. "Stuff and nonsense! You can stay with Annie in the spare room! You're family now, luvie! There's always room for you!"

I knew the generous woman would not accept a refusal but made another effort to disentangle myself from her well-meaning hospitality. "Well, I really  _can_  get a room…"

"Won't hear of it." Nan disagreed as she finished her lunch. "You will stay here, child."

Defeated, I agreed. "Very well, I truly appreciate your hospitality."

Daisy smiled contented and elbowed Anne. "Grace speaks so posh! It's really something else!"

Anne giggled. "That's nothing. You should hear L." she answered then appeared to feel bad for mentioning him.

Not wanting her to, I gave her a supportive half smile. "What with his "my apologies" and shocking minimal use of contractions?"

She brightened. "Yes! Oh, Daisy, you will need to hear him talk, it'll blow you away!"

"Well, looking forward to it! You know any family of yours is welcome here, Annie."

I absolutely did not agree with that statement but nodded slightly. "That's very kind of you, ma'am."

"Kind hasn't got nothing to do with it, ducky! That's what family does!"

I had quickly decided that Daisy Cornell was one of the most fascinating people I had ever met and envied Anne a little for gaining such a lovely mother-in-law. To call anyone Mum was something us kids had always hoped for and here my sister was finally getting the chance to do it at twenty-one. Better late than never.

As we cleared the dishes and tried to wash them, all the while being batted away from the sink by Nan and her dangerous tea towel, a raucous sound was heard at the front door. My heart jumped in my throat and I glanced around wildly for something to wield to ward off an attacker.

"Oi! Oi! Oi! Where is she, mate? Where's the missus?!" A deep voice shouted from the living room and two seconds later, three twenty-something men crashed into the kitchen and made a beeline for my poor sister who they all picked up as easily as if she was a doll and took turns hugging her tight.

"Lads! It's great to see you too!" Anne gasped laughing as the biggest one let her go. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

The one with shaggy hair, wearing an oversized leather jacket laughed. "We saw the car and knew you had to be here. So you're marrying the ole tosser after all, eh? Sure you shouldn't wait for a better offer, Annie?"

Liam playfully punched him. "Hey Wood! Leave off it! Don't see you finding any lovely girls giving you the time of day lately!"

The one that could have been an American footballer chuckled as he noticed me in the chair in the corner. "Well, who's this then?" he boomed as he strode over and held out his hand giving me a broad smile. "I'm Jamie and what are you called, darlin'?"

"Grace." My voice cracked in response, my hand engulfed in his massive paw. "Nice to meet you."

"Well, this is a surprise! Annie brought a friend!" The last man, almost as tall as Jamie, remarked as he took me in with crystal blue eyes and a shy smile that was partly hidden under a scruffy beard. "I'm Caleb, good to meet you, Grace."

"Gracie's my sister." Anne explained. "She's going to stay here with us."

Wood ran a hand through his messy hair and also held out his hand in greeting. "Hello there, cutie, I'm Charles."

" _CHARLES_?" Liam roared with laughter. "I'd like to know who in the hell that is! You haven't been Charles since primary school!"

I smiled mildly and shook Charles/Wood's hand. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm Grace."

"Charmed!" His eyes twinkled behind sunglasses perched down on his nose despite it being a quite overcast day.

"Annie," Jamie was busy staring at the two of us. "Are you taking the piss? There ain't no way you two are sisters. You don't look alike at all!"

"How bloody insensitive can you be, you daft prat!" Wood released my hand to smack Jamie upside the head with his. "They're adopted. They live in that home for orphans Lee told us about and who says they can't be sisters just because they look like night and day! Jesus, man! Be more open minded!"

"That's the trouble," Caleb sighed. "This is Jamie we're talking about."

"Grace," Liam couldn't stop laughing. "These are my mates. Wood, Jamie and Cay. I'm sorry in advance for you knowing them."

"Nice, Lee, nice." Jamie gave him a hard look. " _I'm_  also his cousin, not that he's proud of the fact or anything. Mitsi's my mum."

"Oh," I was still a little surprised by the three of them. Their energy and enthusiasm wouldn't be matched by ten kids at Wammy's hyped up on sugar. "How lovely."

"Naw, that ain't what's lovely, then." Wood sent back giving me a smile that could be easily construed as flirtatious. "You got a boyfriend there, Gracie?"

"Erm," I stammered begging for an escape. "No."

"And she's not looking for one." Anne spoke up protectively. "She had her heart broken pretty recently so you three better leave...her...alone! All right?"

"All right! All right!" Wood held up his hands in defense as Jamie balled one hand into a fist which he pounded into the other one.

"What's his name, maybe we'll teach him a lesson!"

"No, no, none of that!" Daisy scolded him, giving his massive arm a whack. "You go around looking to beat up someone, people' will reckon you're the Brixton Basher!"

"Fair enough, Aunt Daze. Lord!" Jamie rolled his eyes.

"She's right, I wouldn't want to be thought of as that creep!" Caleb remarked and then spoke to me. "But don't worry, you're safe with us, Gracie."

"Aww," Anne smiled, standing up on her tiptoes to give Caleb a hug. "You guys are so great!"

Caleb turned a bright shade of red.

"So did you lot actually come here to see my future bride?" Liam put his arms around Anne once she came back down to earth.

"Yes and to meet mine apparently." Jamie quipped and now received a swipe from Caleb.

"Did you just not hear Annie, mate? Gracie's got a broken heart, we're supposed to be respectful of that."

"I don't know. I think the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, if you know what I mean." Wood offered and I blushed profusely. Had I really been that sheltered? If I had heard one of the boys say that at Wammy's, I'd probably have keeled over.

"Oi! That's it! There's ladies present, the three of you OUT!" Liam broke apart from Anne to push them toward the front door.

"Steady on, mate! I live here!" Jamie objected as we watched Liam roughly shepherd the three of them through the living room amid loud protestations.

"Fine, come back later, after this one washes out his mouth with soap. Grace's going to think you're a bunch of common pervy divs!"

"She will not. She'll see our rakish boyish charm." Wood pointed out with a laugh as he blocked the door when tried to shut it.

"Whatever! Don't come back until the lot of you can act like gentlemen! My Nan should take you right over her knee saying something like that!"

"Well Gracie can instead!" Jamie teased as Liam finally forced them into the street after dislodging Wood's foot from the doorframe.

He slammed the door shut, muttering under his breath as the three other women burst out laughing.

"Goodness me! They're harmless, Grace. Believe me, I've had to change all of their nappies at one time or another when they were little. None of them's got a cruel bone in their body." Daisy assured me, shaking with laughter. "They're just a bit cheeky."

"They'll do you good, dear." Nan added with an amused smile. "Help that sadness a bit."

"Three little angels." Daisy continued wiping a tear from her eye.

"Or the Three Musketeers." Anne suggested as Liam came back into the kitchen shaking his head in disgust.

"More like the Three Stooges. Blimey, they know how to make a first impression don't they? You'll be on the next train back to Winchester, won't you, Grace?"

I shook my head smiling a little. "Well, they're not boring."

"Nah, you could never say that about them." Liam groaned, plopping down in a seat where Anne patted his head and kissed his cheek.

"My hero." She teased, then started when a happy jingle played from her purse. She rolled her eyes, and dug out her mobile phone from her bag hanging off the back of her chair. She glanced at the message and smirked. "Comes crawling back, huh?"

My heart jumped but I rolled my eyes. "Now what does he want?"

Anne handed me the phone to read the message myself.

 **"If I was harsh before I am sorry. I insist you inform me of your location. Apparently there is no residence under the Cornell name in East London and from your fiancé's accent it is evident this is where he originates.** "

I chuckled to myself and painstakingly worked out a texted response.

" **my apologies, louie, but i can't make it that easy.**

**ps. getting the marriage annulled straight away.**

**g**."

I passed the phone back to her with a warning. "You might want to switch it off, Annie. I don't expect the next message to be too pretty."

"Oh God," she grinned. "What did you say?"

I sat back in my seat feeling rather better about the whole ordeal. "Just giving him another treasure to hunt for, that's all."

Anne kept her phone in hand and gave me an admiring look. "When I grow up, I want to be just like Grace Deacon."

"Good, I was hoping Annie Walters Cornell wasn't taken."

The two of us giggled and Daisy beamed with happiness. "I love having girlies about the house! We can get into some good old fashioned chin wags about blokes."

"Uh, count me out of that." Liam wrinkled his nose. "I'll take the cases upstairs."

Liam left the room and Nan placed her miniature wrinkled hand on mine.

"Now, dear. Tell us more about …L."

I blanched and Anne's mobile went off again. She checked it and laughed. "Well for starters he just called Grace "a reckless, irritating tearaway who surely takes pleasure in driving him mad."

"Oh," Nan closed her eyes with a smile. "So he loves her then. This is becoming more interesting all the time."

I gasped and the other women broke up into laughter. After a moment I joined them.

My sojourn in London was getting off to a rather good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: London - She & Him


	31. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Thanks again for kudos and comments! Now back to our favorite befuddled detective where we last left him...

_**AN: Thanks again for the lovely reviews. I'm glad everyone is enjoying Liam's family and his mates. Now back to our favorite befuddled detective where we last left him...** _

**Chapter 31. Gone**

**L POV**

_Jude returned to the empty dining room a short time later, where I still stood terribly confused but angry at myself regardless. He groaned as he stepped in front of me snapping his fingers._

_"So what are you doing still standing here?" he asked. "Are you really gonna dig yourself back into the hole you just climbed out of?"_

_I gave him a cold look. "I have had enough of your talking out of turn. Need I remind you, you should respect your elders."_

_He snorted. "It's as if you_ _**like** _ _her being upset with you!"_

_"Grace has no reason to be upset with me at this moment. I did nothing wrong." I lied, my mind desperately searching for a reason._

_"Yeah, if you say so." Jude chuckled, not believing me for a moment. "You always do something wrong. Why else would she be angry?"_

" _Do you not have a lesson you should be sleeping through right now?" I snapped as he refused to leave._

" _Ha, no. L, you should go talk to her. I've seen what happens when this kind of stuff festers. It's not good."_

" _But I have no idea what to say." I admitted then, finally speaking the truth. "She's obviously not going to tell me. She expects me to know why and I don't."_

" _Well don't look at me!" He stepped back, shaking his head. "This is as far as I'm getting involved."_

" _Very well." I shrugged. "I suppose there is no harm in at least making a blanket apology."_

_"Wait, so you're gonna apologize and not know what for?" he snickered. "Maybe you're learning about women after all. I just hope she doesn't ask you to explain!"_

_I left him growing more nervous with every step. What if she_ _**did** _ _ask me what I was sorry for and I had no reply? I could make things so much worse._

_However, I deduced as I made my way up the front staircase to the bedrooms, anything that I could possibly do to alleviate the heaviness of my heart I was willing to try._

* * *

_Outside of her door, I patted down my hair and drew in a shaky breath. It was not going to be a cheery G with light dancing in her eyes that greeted me; instead it would either be a cautious G or a miserable, argumentative woman who might not let me through the door. I still had absolutely no idea why her attitude had shifted so drastically. I was going to approach her blindly without insight or a plan, rather like a suicide mission._   _I could only hope for the best._

_I coughed and knocked on the bedroom door. "Er, Grace?"_

_I cringed, waiting for a string of epithets to volley back in reply but I was only subjected to silence. Forget angry and argumentative, she had chosen ignoring and icy, definitely my least favorite mood._

" _G, I do think we should talk." I tried again, giving my voice a more plaintive tone._

_Again, nothing. I envisioned her sitting on her sofa with a book wearing a coy smirk and not moving a muscle, while I continued to try to receive a response like a fool._

_Nonetheless, I made another attempt. "Grace, won't you talk to me? Whatever you are upset about, let us discuss it like mature adults, not on either side of a door. I need to know if I did something wrong. If I did so, I apologize. I-I should not have taken that liberty…it's just, well, I thought you would not mind. You were smiling at the time so I…" I ran out of explanation._

_I had kissed her because I adored her, because I could not have been happier if it had been our actual wedding day and because the taste of her lips made me whole. Why could I not say any of this?_

_I chose to speak from the depths of my heart in that empty corridor. As foolish as it may seem, it might be enough for her to finally grant me entrance._

" _Gracie, when you are sad, so am I. I do wish you would tell me what is wrong when pain sweeps across your face but you never do. Can you not simply tell me why you sigh so deeply instead of causing me needless worry?"_

_My fingertips ran across the framed sign on the door that spelled out her name in various shades of pinks and purples, created long ago when her only concern was excelling in her studies and not staying up nights searching for missing children until they were found. Affection filled my heart as I remembered the days when I would find her fast asleep in the chair in headquarters in the middle of the afternoon after a particularly strenuous night of work._

_My voice became soft. "Don't you know that all I want is your happiness?"_

_Still, no response. I huffed in indignation. She was truly being childish. "Grace Deacon, you need to answer me or else I will assume you have lost consciousness and will forcibly enter your bedroom to validate this theory. Don't think I won't."_

_There, a threat should be enough._

_Silence._

_Apparently not. Anger was building more and more._

" _Dammit, G. What in the hell do you want me to say? I have absolutely no idea why you are displeased with me and you need to tell me. I can't read minds and even those who are able to can't, or rather_ _ **won't**_ _tell me why you left so suddenly. So this is entirely up to you. I will wait for you to inform me. Believe me, I will stay right here until you do so."_

_I leaned against the wall waiting for her to finally get up off of that couch, open the door and relieve the tension I was experiencing due to her lack of communication. I had faith that she definitely would._

_Three minutes later I still stood there, my patience officially tried. I almost didn't_ _**want** _ _her to come out after this, as I knew I would probably regret what I would say if she did._

" _Fine, fine. Be stubborn, be a child. Whatever I apologized for, well I rescind it. I don't even know WHAT I was apologizing for. If it was for kissing you, then hell, I refuse to be sorry about such a thing because I was under the impression that it pleased you!"_

" _Uh, you okay there, L?"_

_I turned around to see Mello standing behind me, his arms crossed and his expression amused._

_I cleared my throat and gave him a hard look._

" _Yes I am fine."_

_He tilted his head to the side. "It doesn't look like it. Did you just say that you had kissed the door?"_

" _Pardon? Of course I didn't. You need to improve your hearing." I fought to control the flush that was building under my skin and tried another tack. "Have you apologized to Peter yet for vandalizing his vehicle?"_

_The amusement fled. "What?! Matt and I cleaned it from top to bottom. Why do we have to say we're sorry too?!"_

" _Because you were caught." I eyed him sternly and he threw his arms up in disgust._

" _Cripe, I miss the days when you weren't under G's thumb. I really do!" He stomped off, muttering to himself._

_I thought on what he had said, "under G's thumb". Was I really following her every command? Had I really abandoned my autonomy because I wanted to be in her favor? I sighed as I realized the position I was currently in: talking to her door while she sat inside evilly enjoying every moment._

_This was the outside of enough. I pulled the key ring out of my back pocket and engaged the skeleton key in her lock. "That's it. You had better be decent because I'm coming in!"_

_I triumphantly went to turn the doorknob and was stunned when it didn't turn. Hmm. She couldn't have changed her lock so soon. I turned the key in the opposite direction and heard the door latch unlock. Gods, her door had been unlocked all this time? She was probably covering her face with a pillow to smother her laughter._

_I groaned and flung it open, quite tired of this little game. The room was completely empty. Well, that explained the silence, but it certainly did not aid in making me feel less of a fool._

_I stepped back into the corridor and thought of where else she might be. It wasn't one of her days to teach and I was pretty certain she did not have a new case. I directed my steps toward the library and pushed open the door, already picturing her in the window seat, just as she had been months ago when I had arrived home from several cases and had finally made an effort. It still astounded me how easily the pair of us became friends after that one overture._

_The library was also unoccupied. I bit my thumbnail deep in thought and sighed, deciding to embark on a full scale search of the house. I would have to utilize my treasure hunting persona for once after all. I knew once I found her, I would not be able to keep silent. I had kept my feelings hidden long enough. My anger dissipated as I thought forward to when I would finally see her once more and make things right between us._

* * *

_**One hour later** _

_She was nowhere to be found._

_I came back inside after mucking through the mud to the pond pondering the possibility of her simply moving to a different area of the house whilst I searched. I knew the best thing to do when lost is to remain stationary but I couldn't think rationally at that moment._

_Where exactly had she gone in the space of fifteen minutes? My mind was racing, and I reached in my back pocket for a lollipop, requiring the sugar to help it work even faster._

_I did another sweep of the bedrooms, all unoccupied due to lessons. Fritz had planned to take the plane out, despite the overcast skies. I knew for a fact Grace would never go up with him. She was angry when I even considered it. If she wasn't up in the air, or on the ground, where was she? Of course, she did not have a mobile phone, when she left the property so infrequently there was no need for her to have one. I thought now how convenient it would be if she did and mentally noted to procure her one for her birthday in a few days' time, not the false one she pretended to keep in February._

_The result of checking her bedroom once more caused me to notice her laptop sitting on her desk. Wherever she had gone, she had not taken it with her. It was then I noticed the several pieces of clothing strewn across the floor. Grace was compulsively tidy; she would never keep her room in such haphazard order, so why was it appearing that way?_

_I picked up the silken nightgown by the bed in my hand, feeling almost guilty to be touching it at all. Her bathroom was empty and she had changed. I hung on to these facts as a guiding point. Grace was likely dressed and not with her laptop. She also looked like she had left in a hurry._

_The drawer to her bureau was half open and ignoring any sense of privacy over urgency, I peered inside to where she usually kept her purse buried under her stockings. The purse was gone. A check of the jewelry box showed all of her pieces still accounted for, even her necklace and hair barrette that she was never without. Why would she have willingly went anywhere without her heirlooms? Good God, had she actually left the property?_

_I felt sick at the thought. Grace, perhaps in her teen years would have left the grounds without informing anyone but she would not now. She at least would have let someone know...Gods. I dropped the nightdress as ice stole through my veins and my head pounded. Was it in any way possible she had been_ _**taken** _ _?_

_I recalled her fear and rage while she was struggling to awaken from that nightmare. She was frightened by the thought of her father immensely, even though he was being kept in the same facility as Beyond with an impossible chance to escape. I did not want to think of it, but could her intuition be right? Could she have come up to this room, dressed and been attacked?_

_I hurried over to her small couch and shoved blankets on the floor as I crouched in my position that normally raised my deductive skills, thus making me comprehend the situation better. It had been an hour and fifteen minutes since I saw her last; now she had vanished. I hated myself for not chasing her out of the room, being too embarrassed to even attempt it. Perhaps if I had done that, she would still be here. Even with a cold glare focused on me, I would have gladly accepted it._

_I could not remove the awful thought from my head that she might have been abducted. Unfortunately, this was not a farfetched possibility. There were plenty of reasons why someone could have taken Grace. The families of the victims Huxley had murdered were still angry that he hadn't received a stronger sentence due to his mental state. What if she had been located as his child and they took her to exact their revenge? I shuddered and thought harder._

_She was my successor, what if someone had learned my identity and taken her as a ransom? My body started to shake. I knew without question I would do whatever I could to protect her. If they wanted me, they could have me, just as long as she was returned. My heart ached, I felt so bloody powerless. All of the years Watari had told her to stay here to be safe, and someone had broken in and gotten to her anyway. Damn it!_

_I jumped up from the couch, leaving everything as it had been when she had last been here. Where else, where else. I stopped my frantic pacing when I considered Hargrove. Was he truly that much of a fool to try to kidnap Grace? I thought of crimes of passion and didn't reason him capable of one. Besides, Grace could surely have defended herself against him. He hadn't given me much of a fight._

_My last thought fell on Anne. Grace had stated she was going to say goodbye to Anne before she embarked for London. In my search, I had noticed Liam's car was gone, but perhaps she knew a little more than I did._

_Returning to my room, I located my blackberry and sent her a message._

**"Grace is missing. You must return home at once**."

_I muttered a prayer as I waited for her response. I knew Liam and she would come back to search for her, and then I would inform Watari. I dreaded this most of all._

_My heart jumped when I noticed she had sent a reply. A hint, the littlest notion of where Grace could be was all I needed, I read the text eagerly._

" **Calm down, she's with me. That's all you need to know**."

_I thought I had been angry earlier but nothing compared to this. Here I was, making myself physically ill with worry, planning to call in Special Forces to search the country and here she had run off with them! Incensed, I sent another message._

" **I did think you would be less juvenile than assisting Grace in running away. I suppose I was wrong."**

_I threw the device on my bed and flopped down next to it, glaring at the ceiling. "Damn you, Cassandra Grace, damn you."_

_No, it wasn't a terrorist organization holding her hostage, still grieving family members bent on revenge or lovesick aristocrats that had taken Grace from safety. It was her own foolish self, and of all places…London!_

_I did not care for being at home without her. Even the time when she went on that short-lived drive with the ignoramus I had been uncomfortable. I had not even liked it when she accompanied several of the children into Winchester to see the dentist several weeks in the past. I had hovered by the door waiting for her to come home, and when she had, complaining that she had a cavity due to the chocolates I kept bringing home to her, I had almost hugged her in my happiness. She could yell at me, treat me coldly, I would take all of it, as long as she was near._

_This was not going to be pleasant._

_An hour later, I messaged Anne again, feeling rather guilty of how I had conducted myself and asked for Liam's address. From my initial research, I was surprised that no name of Cornell owned a home in East London, but it was possible that his family rented their residence._

" **my apologies, louie, but i can't make it that easy.**

**p.s. getting the marriage annulled straight away.**

**g** "

_I felt a tenderness that I hadn't expected when I realized who had replied and instantaneously became furious. Did she not care that I was worried about her? Did she think everything was a tremendous game?_

_Crossly, I texted back,_

" **You are a reckless, irritating tear away who surely takes pleasure in driving me mad.** "

" _And I love you in spite of all that," I finished aloud as I sent the message. "And I will find you and bring you home."_

_I went to my laptop and got to work. Failure was not an option._

_I was not accustomed to losing, apart from that one time regarding my heart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to "My Apologies" by The Hush Sound
> 
> New song: Where Did My Baby Go - John Legend


	32. Life

**Chapter 32. Life**

Daisy, Nan and Liam's aunt, Mitsi were seriously engrossed in a program I couldn't understand. It appeared to showcase two sets of people who go into each other's homes and decorate a room without any say from the people who actually owned the property. Then it would be revealed to them, and if they didn't like it, their reaction would be televised. I figured this was why people tuned in. Schadenfreude and all that.

"Mercy, she's going to paint their walls purple! They aren't going fancy that!" Daisy fairly hooted with laughter as the people on the screen rolled eggplant colored paint on to the walls of the elderly couple's home they were invading.

"Hope that poor fellow's heart's in good order," Mitsi chuckled from the recliner with her glass of wine. "The shock of those walls might send him straight to glory!"

"Oh, not this show!" Paul, Liam's dad laughed as he came into the room after changing into more comfortable clothes after finishing work. "Poor Grace, having to be subjected to bad interior design."

I was seated next to Nan who was crocheting an afghan on the sofa. Anne and Liam had went out to an early dinner alone at my pressing, and I had relaxed spending time with Liam's loveable family, from Mitsi, who was at least four heads shorter than her son, Jamie, to Paul, a personable man with Liam's smile. It was still fascinating to note resemblances in families. I knew Wammy and I were related, however distantly, but I think the only physical attribute we shared was our blue eyes and they were even different shades.

"It's quite all right. It's interesting…" I allowed softly. "Will the production company pay to fix the walls if the family doesn't care for them?"

"No!" The ladies gleefully cried. Ah yes, it was definitely schadenfreude.

A knock fell on the door and I jumped in my seat. It had been hours since Anne, Liam, and I had arrived in London but still I felt it possible for L to make an appearance. "Er, I'll get it!" I volunteered to go answer, prepared to slam the door in his face if it was him.

"What a helpful little soul she is." Mitsi remarked as I made my way to the front door, taking a deep breath before opening it.

Liam's friend, Caleb stood there, looking up from the top step quickly with a smile. "Hello there, Gracie." He greeted me pleasantly.

"Hi. I'm sorry to say Liam's not here. Neither is Jamie. I believe they mentioned something about meeting at a pub later, however." I explained, wondering why his expression didn't change. Why else would he have come here if not to see one of them?

He appeared nervous now. "Oh yeah, I know. It's just that Lee told me that you were kind of on your own. I thought I'd see if you wanted some company or anything."

I was happily surprised. "Oh well, that's a lovely idea. I've been watching television with everyone but we can sit out here if you like. Just let me fetch my coat."

I stepped back inside and went to the hall closet where I pulled out my black pea coat and slipped it on.

"Going out, luvie?" Daisy called to me and Caleb stuck his head in the door.

"Er, hello everybody."

"Aha," Nan smiled to herself and went back to her work.

Mitsi sat forward in her chair and frowned. "Here, Cay, did you tell that Charles if he says stuff like that in this house again, I'll tell his mother?!" she demanded, obviously pretending to be stern.

"Oh yeah, he's learned his lesson. Promise." Caleb assured her as I buttoned my coat and walked outside with him.

I shut the door behind me and sat down on the top step. "It's nice you stopped by. I have to say I'm glad it was you and not someone else."

"The bloke who broke your heart?" he asked concerned as he sat down a little distance from me.

"You truly are astute." I eyed him with approval. "Well, yes, him. He doesn't know where Liam lives so I'm worried he might find out."

"He won't find the place," Caleb answered. "It's under Nan's surname, not Paul and Daisy's. It's her house."

"Ah," I was pleased by that news. Hopefully it would take even longer to track me down.

"I don't want to be too forward like," he began, rubbing the back of his neck. "But the way he, broke your heart…it wasn't that 'e physically hurt you in anyway, right?"

"Oh, no! Absolutely not, we're…we're friends and we had some disagreement. He just never realizes how he hurts me, that's the trouble."

He wrinkled his nose. "How can he not know? Is he daft?"

"No, you definitely couldn't call him that. He's very intelligent, at least in most matters."

"Well," Caleb huffed. "If he's any kind of man, he should be tearing London apart looking for you. If he's not, he's not worth you feeling stroppy about."

"Right," I agreed, my spirits lifting. "So may I ask what is it that you do for a living, Caleb?"

"Oh me? I work over in the street market, down aways. Sell fruits, all sorts. What's your favorite fruit, Gracie?"

"Well, I'd say I'm partial to apples, I suppose."

"I got three different kinds of those. Honey crisp, Granny Smith and Macintosh. Stop by tomorrow when I'm open, I'll give you a sample." I noticed that his eyes tended to sparkle when he was excited.

"Thanks, that's very kind of you." I found myself smiling again.

"That's the only way I know how to be." Caleb grinned with a wink. "So what do you do?"

"Oh, I'm a teacher."

"Really? What year?"

"Oh, all years actually. The classes I teach have all different ages included."

"Whew, that must be tough."

I remembered my last lesson before Liam had arrived. Sheer and utter chaos. Funnily enough, it was a psychology class. Me, the one who could hardly understand a certain person, teaching the inner workings of the mind. Hysterical.

_"So," I stood before the class of Near, Mello, Matt and Jude. "What lesson can we learn from Pavlov's experiment?"_

_"That he had too many bloody dogs." Matt snickered and I gave him a sharp look when Mello tittered with laughter._

_"Matt, what have I said about the use of that word during class?"_

_"But you say it all the time, G!" he protested, giving me a plaintive look through his goggles._

_"Not during the lesson," I sighed. "Now, once again, I ask, what can we learn from Pavlov's experiment?"_

_Near twisted a piece of hair around his finger as he absentmindedly peered out the window. "That beings can be conditioned to emit responses that would otherwise not occur naturally through the use of a stimulus."_

_I breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes! Correct! Thank you." Near didn't usually participate in class, so whenever he did, it was cause for celebration._

_"Bloody know all." Mello rolled his eyes slipping a piece of chocolate from the inside of his book to between his teeth._

_"Mello, not you too. Bloody hell."_

_"See!" Matt yelled triumphantly. Even Jude smirked from where he was drawing at his seat._

_I threw my book up in the air and groaned. "Right, so you really feel saying bloody is needed during class? You won't be able to form a sentence without it?"_

_"Well, I don't know about that, but it's nice for the word to be there if I need it." Matt shrugged. Mello nodded in agreement._

_"I don't see the need of its use, Grace." Near spoke up yet again, now likely just to be antagonizing. He did dearly love that. Mello glared at him coldly._

_"Don't bother trying to butter G up, Mechadork, she's already got a boyfriend."_

_There were so many things wrong with that comment, I didn't know what to say._

_"Mihael, apologize now, and I do NOT have a boyfriend. Last time I checked, this wasn't a conversation about my social life, this was a lesson on Pavlov and his great contribution to science!"_

_"What, making dogs drool all over the place?" Jude demanded. "A bunch of canines spit on the floor and the man's a bloody genius?"_

_"We haven't said the use of bloody is okay in class, Jude." I groaned, praying for strength to make it through to the end. "Refrain from using it until we decide."_

_"All right, everyone who thinks we should be able to say bloody when we bloody want to…raise your hand." Matt stood up, raising his hand first. Quickly and not surprisingly, Mello followed, seconded slowly by Jude. I slumped against the blackboard as the three of them cheered._

_Near just shook his head, muttering "Neanderthals.", and went back to staring out the window._

I shook myself out of my reverie to notice Caleb watching me. "Yes, it's trying at times to be sure."

"But you've got to leave there eventually, right?" he asked. "I mean, once you grow up, aren't you supposed to go out on your own?"

"Well, some will, like Annie. But people like me, I believe I'll always live there."

His blue eyes pierced me with their strength. "Is that what you want?"

My heart pounded in my chest. What did I want? I knew where my responsibilities lie, but I was also tired to the pain, the confusion L produced. I didn't think of my jaunt to London being permanent.

"It's my home." I explained simply. "I've never known another one."

"That is true," Caleb allowed, looking out across the street to the park. "But you could always teach here. You know, maybe in a university like Lee, start fresh."

What a terrifying proposition. I was at a loss for words and couldn't tell him why that would never work. I wasn't just a teacher and a former student at Wammy's. I was involved in every single part of it.

"It's a thought." I answered softly, not even wanting to think about it. Leaving absolutely everyone I knew just to start again? Was I even capable of that?

"Oi! I thought we had a deal!"

We looked up to see Jamie and Wood standing by the gate looking annoyed.

"What deal?" I asked Caleb as we stood up.

"Oh, uh, nothing, Gracie. Don't listen to them." He deflected as the other two men came into the front garden.

""Butter wouldn't melt" won't tell you, but I will." Wood turned to me, his eyes alive with enthusiasm. "Annie said to leave you alone and we all were doing that, except for this one, I reckon."

"Oh, no it was rather delightful to talk with him." I defended, seeing Caleb smile out of the corner of my eye. "I find it nice to talk to all of you."

Jamie beamed at that one. "Brilliant! Then I guess we won't pay too much mind to Annie's suggestion if you're all right with us!"

"Er, certainly."

"Well, it's time to meet the lovebirds down at the pub." Wood rubbed his hands together to produce warmth from the chilly air. "You coming, Gracie?"

I flushed, not sure if I was ready to experience that bit of London life. "Erm, well, if Annie's there, I suppose I can come along."

"Great! You want a lift?" Jamie asked me, his lips twitching.

I stared at him blankly. "I'm not sure what you mean-Ahhh!" I screamed as the giant man hoisted me up over his shoulder amid the laughter of the others. "If you don't put me down, I swear!"

"I don't see you as a swearing sort of girlie, Gracie." Wood teased from far below where I was trapped.

"Oh the things you don't know! Good lord, Jamie! You will pay for this!" I shrieked next, completely mortified.

"Hmm, Gracie-girl, that's a payment I wouldn't mind receiving." Jamie winked as he started down the street with me thrown over his shoulder like a cavewoman just battered with a club.

This was horridly degrading, I could only imagine L's face if he saw me this way. I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned, trying to rid the thought of him from my mind.

"Come on Gracie, just think of it as a new experience." Caleb suggested, a smile hidden under his beard. "Jamie pulled the same thing with Annie the first time Liam brought her around. It's a tradition."

"Don't you start!" I pointed at him feebly as people we passed by chuckled and continued on. "I swear I'm telling all of your mothers!"

"I don't know, luv. My mum already thinks you're a good catch, I think she'll agree with me." Jamie joked as we reached the pub and Wood threw open the doors.

"Hello all, meet Gracie!"

"Oh my God! They didn't!" I could hear Anne laughing before I was dropped down beside her at the table. She gave me a hug. "I'm-I'm so sorry, girl." She giggled as the occupants of the pub laughed along.

"I'd rather not speak of this." I brooded, shooting Jamie a death glare. "I'll  _walk_  back, thank you very much."

He shrugged sheepishly. "It was fun while it lasted."

"I highly doubt you'll be walking anywhere, cutie." Wood called from the bar where he was ordering drinks. "Not after you have a good pint in you!"

"Don't worry," Liam's eyes twinkled as he drank his own dark lager. "No one will be removing the ground from your feet anymore, Grace."

"Thank the heavens for that." I huffed as I looked around at the fairy busy establishment. The wooden walls were dark brown with age and had dozens of posters and sport clippings taped to them. The tables were small and circular and most were already covered with empty glasses and three television sets were set up in the corners of the room showing what appeared to be a serial. Most of the patrons were laughing and drinking instead of watching it however.

Wood returned to the table with four pints juggled in his hands. "Now Gracie, don't you worry, we're start you off slow, but you can't come into a London pub and not order a pint! It just doesn't happen!"

I accepted mine warily and lifted the foamy drink to my lips. Despite it being quite bitter, I found the taste agreeable. The lads cheered as I drank a little more.

"That-a-girl!" Jamie whooped as the program ended and the landlord turned up the volume at the start of BBC News.

"You're going be a true native yet, Gracie!" Wood laughed as the newsreader appeared.

"Good evening, and welcome to BBC News. Today, three cases that have plagued Scotland Yard for months are reported to be officially closed due to the quick work of the famous detective L. The world renowned detective appears to be focusing on our country at this time, specifically London to the great relief of the many wishing these cases to be solved."

I nearly spit out my beer as Anne and my eyes became fixated on the screen closest to us, where L's letter was superimposed next to the newsreader's head. It was merely his symbol but I felt a lift in my heart at the sight of it.

"Continuing the report, in a matter of six hours, all three cases were cracked and the culprits were arrested. The most notable case was the infamous Brixton Basher, who is now said to be Bob Wright, a twenty-seven year old laborer from the borough. More on these cases as information becomes available. Now, on to sport…"

Wood rubbed his chin and shook his head. "That L. He's something isn't he? Solves three cases in the amount of time a normal person completes the crossword. Wonder what he's like."

"Only  _you_  take six hours to finish the crossword,  _Charles."_ Jamie teased back.

I sank lower in my seat as Anne found her voice. "Hey! Who says the famous L is a guy anyway?" she gave Wood a playful push.

Wood blushed. "Just guessing Annie, is all. It could be as likely it's a girl as a guy."

"It ain't!" Jamie butted in with a grin. "It's probably some old coot with a million cats what's been solving cases for hundreds of years!"

"Nah, mate," Caleb sat forward. "I've got it sorted. L's a batty mental patient locked up in an asylum somewhere. That's why they never show his face. He's all scarred and frightening looking!"

"Well whatever he is lads," Liam became the peacemaker as usual. "I'm happy to say he's plenty busy in our neck of the woods!"

I slammed down my drink frustrated, glaring at the table. So he wasn't looking for me after all, I had worried about nothing. It didn't make me feel good. "Yes, work will always mean more to that fool than bloody anything else, won't it?! Not that I can say I'm surprised."

The other lads laughed but my heart stopped when I noticed Liam gaping at me across the table, trying to find words. Oh no. It appeared the cat was out of the bag. "But, but, Grace, you don't mean-"

Anne gasped and put her arm around Liam as he continued to sputter in disbelief. "Lee! Lee! We'll talk later, the three of us, okay? I promise! We'll talk later!"

"But," Liam's dazed look went back up to the television and back down to me. "I never thought…how can it be?" he settled back into his chair as the other men got up for a round of darts, unaware of the drama unfolding. "I-I -I went out to dinner with him! I think of him a mate! I've _hugged_ him! Grace,  _this_ is what he does for a living?! I can't believe this! L is  _the_ L? I'm gob smacked! And Annie! You knew all this too?!"

Anne smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. "We grew up with him, remember? Now hush, we'll talk later."

Liam slumped down, shaking his head "This is the prat that can't see Gracie's in love with him? You've got to be kidding me!"

I was too tired to argue with him and took another swig of my pint. This was going to be interesting to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Vienna by Billy Joel
> 
> New song – We Are Young – F.U.N.
> 
> I have a feeling Ryuk would be Caleb's best friend if he kept him supplied with apples as well. :D


	33. Heroes

**Chapter 33. Heroes**

My bleary eyes opened in the morning to see Anne sitting down on the foot of my bed, perky and the picture of health with her smile oh so knowing. Damn her.

I groaned and covered myself with the blanket. "Leave me be…" I droned, my head pounding; my stomach upset. I'd never felt as dreadfully rotten in my life as I had last night and this morning wasn't feeling much better.

"That's what you get for downing three pints, leading a sing-song of  _Rule Britannia_  on top of a chair in the middle of the pub and then doing your approximation of the tango with Wood." Her smarmy grin was too much to bear. "I swear, another side of you came out last night, Gracie. I couldn't believe it."

"Well, as long as I did nothing stupid." I rolled my eyes and then turned my face away from the weak sunlight permeating the curtains. "But that's not why I have this awful headache, I promise you."

She tsked her tongue. "Oh, come on, he wasn't that bad…"

"Four hours, Annie! Four hours of us saying the exact same thing over and over—well, perhaps three hours for me with the running to the loo and all." I sat up slowly and yawned. "Yes, L is the  _L_. How many times does it need to be said before it sinks in?"

At that moment, someone knocked on the door, and we both jumped. "Uh, is everybody decent in there?" Liam asked from the other side, still not sounding his regular happy self.

I covered my ears and sighed as Anne let him in. "Good morning, Hun. Do you feel better today?" she asked kissing his cheek.

"Er, yeah. Now, let me get this straight…" Liam sat down on the other bed, cradling his head in his hands. "L,  _the L,_ the world famous detective that no one's ever seen, and  _The Sun_  is always running articles about who he might be,  _that_ L is the L we know personally?"

Oh God, it was a repeat performance! I let out a gusty sigh and nodded, leaning against my pillow, preparing to at least make myself comfortable. "Yes, Liam. He's not the son of Bat Boy or whatever claptrap they're pushing this week."

"But, but he's so young. I mean, how old is he?" Liam turned to Anne, obviously still having some trouble getting his head around the fact.

"L is twenty-three." His fiancée supplied. "Almost twenty-four."

"Twenty- _three?_ He's  _younger_  than me! How long has he been at it, then?"

"He's been active around nine years." I explained. "He was quite young when he started out."

"But, but, he doesn't seem the type of bloke! I mean from the look of him and all. He was nice enough, but it wasn't like he was really analyzing me and seeing if I was good enough for Annie! He did interrogate me a bit, oh God! That gulag he talked about, where I'd spend the rest of my days, Grace. Is that real?!"

"No, he likely made that up." I smiled slightly. "But interrogating you was my job, although I had asked him for help."

"Right!" Liam's eyes were still white all around the irises. "That's another thing. How have you girls grown up with him? It's got to be hard, I mean, he's the greatest crime fighter ever! Better than Superman and Batman combined!"

"Lee, they aren't real!" Anne giggled a little. "And like I told you before about L, he always isolated himself from us and he only starting opening himself up to us last spring. Before, we hardly talked, and G and he fought like cats and dogs whenever he was home."

"I'm not the least bit surprised by that," he remarked turning to me. "I only met the pair of you yesterday and you've already had more than a couple rows!"

"True." I allowed and heard noise outside of the door. "Shhh, someone's coming."

Liam shut his mouth, and Jamie opened the door to find all of us smiling brightly at him. "Er, hello. Is everything alright in here? We could hear Lee yelling from downstairs!"

"Oh yes, we're perfectly fine. No need to worry." I made my voice carefree, and Anne and Liam both nodded in agreement.

"Just a little too much to drink, you know." Anne winked at him and kissed Liam's cheek. Liam made an effort to appear sheepish.

"Oh, okay, then. Annie, your mobile was blowing up, so I thought I'd bring it to you." Jamie handed Anne her phone and then gave us one last glance. "Too much to drink, sheesh Lee. You call yourself a Haypenny? Anyway, breakfast's almost ready."

He closed the door behind him, and Liam's eyes grew like saucers again at the phone in Anne's hand. "Another message? From  _him?_ "

"Oh for God's sake, Liam, he's not the POPE!" I groaned as Anne checked her message and laughed harder as Liam peered over her shoulder.

"Gracie! What on earth did you send to him while I was otherwise engaged?" she demanded.

I winced and felt a twinge behind my eyes. "I honestly have no idea."

Anne laughed more as she handed me the phone.

"You're too much." she teased and my stomach grew more agitated when I saw what I had written.

"Dear God…" I groaned as my eyes scanned the messages. This wasn't good.

**19:30 to L**

ConGRatuLATIoNs on THE cAsES, CAT lady!1! :* G ggg

**19:35 from L**

What? Cat lady?

What does this " :*" mean?

Good God, Grace, are you inebriated?!

**20:01 from L**

I demand you to respond to this message. Are you really…drunk?

**20:12 to L**

Hey MATE! You've got a lot of nerve bothering Gracie! Leave my future wife alone! ;)

**20:14 from L**

Who in the hell are you? What have you done with Grace? What are all these symbols and why are they necessary for communication?

**20:17 to L**

I'm a lucky bloke, that's who I am. She's right here! Looking dishy as all hell. Laughing and singing. I'm gonna try for a kiss. Later! ;)

**20:20 from L**

GRACE DEACON, THIS IS NOT IN THE LEAST BIT HUMOUROUS. I DO HOPE YOU ARE NOT BRINGING SHAME TO THE REST OF US WITH YOUR FRIVOLOUS BEHAVIOUR. WHAT KIND OF UNSAVOURY PEOPLE ARE YOU ATTRACTING?

**20:35 from L**

Are you all right?

**21** **:00 from L**

The children are questioning me on your whereabouts. What am I supposed to say?

**10:35 from L**

Do not expect that such silly activities will not have repercussions. However, I hope you are not suffering too much as a result.

I slowly lowered the phone and took Anne in with a horrified stare. "I texted L last night? I didn't think that had actually happened!"

"Oh it did. And Jamie texted him too." Anne threw me a wink.

"Gosh, Grace! Why would you drunk dial the World's Greatest Detective anyway? What if he had an important call coming in from Russia or something?" Liam was perturbed. "The man doesn't sleep, he stays awake so that the whole world is protected and you're sending him useless messages about cats and filling up his inbox!"

He was answered by my pillow sailing across the room and striking him in the chest.

"I've had quite enough of this, Liam! L is not God, nor is he the Lord of the Universe. What did you think about him yesterday? Before you knew any of this?" I challenged as Anne took the phone back from me and started composing a response.

"Well, like I said. I thought he was an upstanding sort of chap. Maybe a little peculiar but…"

"Exactly, now why should any of that change because of what he does for a living?"

Liam appeared to be at a loss for words. "I can't be saying that the best detective we've had since Sherlock Holmes is peculiar! He's a hero, Grace! You're actually fancying a real, true legend!"

"Once more, sweetie, Sherlock isn't real." Anne chimed in as she fiddled with her phone. "Gracie doesn't love L because of who he is to the rest of the world. She couldn't stand him because of it for the longest time. It has very little bearing."

"Er…can I interject here? Whoever said I was in love with him, may I ask?" I demanded as the couple continued their conversation not paying attention to me in the slightest.

"But Luv, Grace should respect him with all of her heart! You have to question anyone who doesn't!"

I flopped back against my one remaining pillow and let out a strangled scream. How much worse could this get?

"Grace darlin'?"

Daisy opened the door then wearing a big smile. "You might want to come down. Flowers have arrived for you!"

Oh apparently things could always become worse.

* * *

Several minutes later, dressed in a brown terry cloth robe far too big for me, I slowly walked down the stairs keeping a bead on the flower delivery man like he was about to proffer a bomb.

"Here she comes!" Daisy chirped from behind me as I reached the bottom of the steps and stood in front of the man with my arms crossed. I just knew who they were from. It was absolutely a sneaky way of his informing me that he had Liam's address.

The delivery man looked confused at my reaction to the vibrant violet and pink Gerber daises in his hands. "Don't you like daisies, miss?"

"Well I do!" Liam's mum spoke up then, putting her arm around my shoulders. "They're my namesake after all!"

I opened my arms and accepted them quietly. "Er, thank you."

I thought on what to do with them. They truly were lovely and someone had put a lot of effort into making the bouquet beautiful, but on principle, I refused to accept them.

I turned and made my way to the kitchen while Daisy said goodbye to the perplexed man. Nan was manning the stove as usual, cooking up a massive pan of scrambled eggs.

"Oh I say! Aren't they pretty!" she remarked as I stalked over to the sink preparing to cut them and arrange them in a vase on the kitchen table. After all, there was no reason the Cornells couldn't enjoy them.

I untied the spray of daisies and rolled them out on the countertop. I smirked when I saw that he had included a card.

"Wasn't there enough messages last night, L?" I noted bitterly as I picked it up. I could just imagine what it said. " _Found you!"_  or " _Set another place for dinner_." I never expected anything remotely sweet or tender. Even Andrew had said "lovely girls should be surrounded by lovely things." It wasn't difficult to do!

I opened the envelope, slipping out the card to read the message.

" _Hoping these brighten up your day. Don't forget to come by for your apple._

_C."_

The sender had achieved his goal. I found myself smiling at how positively thoughtful and endearing he was. I felt awful for acting so put off by the flowers when they were from Caleb.

"From someone special?" Nan asked as I leaned against the counter rereading the card.

I smiled at her. "You could say that."

* * *

After a shower and change, I told Anne I was going to go to the market for a bit.

"Oh, are you?" Her grin was wide. "You be careful with poor Cay, Gracie. He's not used to being thrown around the dancefloor like Wood last night!"

"I have no idea what you mean." I deflected as I pulled on my coat. "I'm simply going to say thank you for the flowers. That is all."

"Okay," she sighed in the singsong voice I loathed. "I just hope L can't tap into CCTV around here!"

I gasped but covered it up with a cough. "He would have no cause for alarm, and also no reason to be watching me in the first place. Doesn't he have London to purge of its seedy underworld and such?!"

"I'm sure he'd much rather see what you get up to." She teased as she walked me to the door. "So give him a good show!"

"Good show…right." I grumbled and left the house, making my way up the street to the market as a light rain started to fall. I certainly hoped L wasn't keeping surveillance of me. I was far too mortified to show my face in that pub ever again and the amount of blackmail his obtaining that footage would produce was incalculable.

I passed several vendors, one who sang out a lusty " _Rule Britannia_ " as I passed embarrassed before reaching the fruit stall Caleb was manning in the middle of the market. " _Templeton Produce_ " was printed in block letters on the green cloth sign that hung above his head and the array of colors arranged carefully in the wooden bins was astonishing.

Caleb was bagging a patron's bananas, dressed in a green apron that matched his sign and a coin belt around his waist. He grinned when he saw me approach.

"Hey there Gracie! Have fun last night?"

I hung my head, coloring furiously. "Truly, that is not who I am. Singing patriotic songs and acting so ostentatious. Anne informed me this morning of how I acted."

"Nah, you were fine!" he soothed. "Everybody thought you were charming. Some of the pensioners of the neighborhood told me you were a good British girl proud of your homeland."

I laughed uneasily. "I'm not banned, then?"

His eyes turned even bluer with amusement. "Banned? I wouldn't be surprised if they hired you for entertainment! Now come under here before you catch your death!"

I giggled a little more and joined him behind the front table of apples and oranges, a tarp stretched across four poles shielding us from the elements. "I wanted to say thank you for the flowers. They were so unexpected, but lovely."

"Quite like you." He whispered and selected a ruby red apple from the first box. I watched him, feeling slightly warm. Why exactly did I deserve to know such a softhearted person?

"Now remember, an apple a day and all that!" he teased as he tossed the apple over to me.

I caught it with a smile. "How much do I owe you?"

"You know it's a present. Liam and Jamie's Nan said you don't seem to eat much. I want you to put something in your belly," he explained, somewhat bashfully.

I bit into it in appreciation as I sat down on a stool. Juicy and sweet. "Many thanks, Cay. This will hit the spot. You're very kind."

"Aw, geez." I saw Caleb blush a little as he sprayed the display of citrus fruits in front of him with his water bottle. "It was nothing."

I opened my mouth to protest and promptly shut it again when I noticed two figures standing at the edge of the market. The shorter one had blue hair dampened dark with rain and the other wore a black hooded sweatshirt that covered his hair but not his chilly, intent stare. I almost fell off my stool as I drew in a breath. "Good God."

Caleb turned from his work to notice me staring transfixed across the market. "Something the matter, luv?" Concerned, he looked behind him to where the two of them stood. "Somebody you know?"

I set the apple on the table and steeled myself for the encounter. "Something like that."

One day later and here he was, in London, at a bloody street market. Likely preparing to tell me to stop my nonsense and come home: that I was needed there. He had finally shown. I'd had it with being needed. Apparently, that was only regarding certain people and not himself.

Caleb's expression became menacing toward the slouching man standing next to the used book stall. "Is it somebody you don't want to see?"

I dropped my eyes. "It's him. The reason I came here in the first place."

That was all my protector needed to know before he began sizing them up. "Which one? Probably not the punk kid, right?"

I realized instantly where this could lead. "Don't start anything with him." I pleaded. "Please."

Caleb turned to give me his goofy smile. "But Gracie! Ain't he the one that made you so down, the one you're trying to get away from? Let me just tell him to clear off."

"He won't go." I admitted. "He's made of strong stuff. His will is like steel."

"Well, he shouldn't be allowed to waltz in like nothing happened! Maybe I should say something to him. Steel can be bent if you're strong enough, you know."

"Don't!"

"Grace."

In our squabble, we hadn't noticed that both of them were now at the fruit stall. I stayed seated and eyed L coolly. "Yes? Can I help you? Are you looking to buy some fruit?"

"No, I am here for an explanation." He was angry. How dare he, I was entitled to that right!

"I might be here to buy something," Jude volunteered as he began scanning the wares.

"Before either of you start, I'm not coming home because I'm needed there." I snapped, trying to ignore the tumult of my heart with him being so close to me again. "They can do without me for a week!"

"Well, perhaps the majority can," L noted, with undertones of frustration. "But I cannot."

My fury fled as I stared at him.

His expression was nervous as he stood hunched over under the tarp. "Is there somewhere we may speak privately?" he asked, his large eyes shifting over to Caleb.

Caleb did look quite ominous looming over L, and he used that to his advantage. "Whatever you need to say to Gracie, you can say to me." He puffed out his chest, and I felt thankful for such a good friend.

L glanced up at him mildly. "Very well, I will speak here. G, you should come home with us."

I crossed my arms. "Why?"

Jude finished looking around and turned to Caleb. "Hiya, you got any tomatoes?"

Caleb was surprised. "Uh, no, why would I?"

Jude rolled his eyes. "Because this is a fruit stall, and a tomato is a fruit, isn't it?"

Caleb scratched his head in thought.

L sighed. "I should not have to say why."

"Well, hard luck. Give me a reason."

"I've got one." The impertinent blue haired youth piped up. "Neglecting your husband in the first days of marriage."

Caleb's eyes bulged out of his head. " _Married?_ Gracie, you're  _hitched?"_

"In the world of make believe, yes. Not where it counts."

The kind fruit trader scratched his head once more.

"Fine, I'll give you a reason." L fumed. "I…I…bloody miss you. I miss our talks, your laugh, how pleasant it is to be at home with you doing nothing of consequence. It's one thing to be away myself and know you are safe. It is entirely another when you are gone and I have no way of knowing if you are all right. You don't know what that feels like!"

"Of course I do!" I cried. We were certainly driving potential customers away with our rowing. "That's how it is whenever you go away, and I fear you won't return at all!"

He inhaled deeply as his eyes became softer. "I made a promise to you, that I would always return. Always. You made no such promise to me. I feared many things, one mainly being that you would find life outside the walls better than within them."

"Quite honestly, I wasn't sure you would even care." I whispered.

"How could I not care?" his voice was hushed. "Being your friend gives my life purpose."

I was stricken by that and stood up, turning to Caleb. "Cay, I am going to speak to my friend privately, if that's all right."

He appeared reluctant to let me go. "Uh, right, Gracie. If you're sure…"

I nodded. "Jude, if you go to Number 15, Anne can give you something to eat. We'll be back." I gestured to L to follow me, which he quietly did.

Silently, we walked toward the neighborhood park, and once we approached it, I pushed open the rusty gate after a little exertion. It was rather empty due to the rain, and the bench that looked out onto the playground was free. I crossed over to it and sat down, not caring about the wetness. He settled down beside me and began. "Grace, if I did anything to hurt you, I apologize."

"You don't  _know?"_ I returned, slightly annoyed.

"Let me finish," he was becoming mildly piqued. "I want you to please return home with me. I know that Liam's family is taking excellent care of you, well apart from the pub incident Anne messaged me about a short time ago, but call me selfish, I want you back where you belong."

"You know, I have been gone one day and you came to London to find me." I pointed out. "I don't think I would have schlepped up to Scotland looking for you."

He smirked then and glanced down at his tennis shoes. A newer pair with no holes. "If I'm honest, I was happy you did not wish me to go. If you had smiled brightly and said "Have a good trip." actually meaning it, I would have felt rather down."

"Well, there's no chance of that. I was annoyed that you were going off on holiday for no apparent reason."

He turned to me then, his eyes lighting up. "You could have come with me."

I gaped and felt myself blushing. "Er, well, I don't know…"

"We need our honeymoon after all." He winked and cracked an uneasy laugh. I didn't join in. Once again, he was joking about that moment when I thought he meant everything he said. "I, L, love you madly, Grace…"

"Well, you did state in your vows that you would take me out a lot."

"So I did." He rested back on the bench, his hands stuffed in his pockets. We were sitting quietly for a moment watching a plastic bag get caught on the chain of one of the swings when he asked if I had obtained a job working in the market.

"Well no," I smiled giving him a strange look. "Caleb works there. I was just visiting."

He frowned slightly. "And who exactly is Caleb and why does he merit you going out into the rain and possibly catching a cold to pay him calls?"

I rolled my eyes. "Actually  _Mrs. Coppersmith_ , Caleb's one of Liam's friends _._  He's rather nice. A gentleman in fact."

"Gentleman? He wasn't communicating on the mobile with me last night was he? The one that was going to try for a kiss?"

I flushed and looked away. "No, that was Jamie…"

"Jamie?! Who is that?"

"Let's just say you have a lot of people to meet, L." I winced, rubbing between my eyes. "And please, not so loud. I still haven't fully recovered from last night's festivities…"

"Well," He let out a frustrated sigh. "At least  _one_  of us was enjoying themselves…"

"I don't really remember last night to be honest. I'm depending on Anne to keep me up to date. Anyway, is that why you came all the way here? To interrogate me about my nights out and guilt trip me worse than Wammy and Mrs. C combined?"

"Guilt trip you…please...Grace, for goodness sake, it's not even safe here!" he blurted out then, his brows furrowing in worry. "When I saw the area of London where Liam resided, I was horrified to be honest. The Brixton Basher, a well-known heroin ring, an area fairly high in crime. I couldn't believe you would be so reckless, so crazy to come stay here. Once I obtained the address, nothing could stop me from seeing you. "

I missed most of that due to one fact that finally slid into place. "Good Lord, L, did you make catching the Brixton Basher a priority because of where Anne and I were?"

He didn't want to admit he had, I could see that. He stared at the twisting bag for a short while before whirling on me. "What on earth did you expect me to do? Allow that criminal to roam the streets where you might be? How would I sleep at night, Grace?!"

I gasped as his eyes stayed ferociously wild on me, my heart rate was never going to return to normal. "How would you sleep at night? Don't use me as an excuse for your insomnia! I suppose there's no reason to say that I could take care of myself, that the probability of me even coming in contact with the Brixton Basher, who mind you, was bashing glass storefronts, not _people_  was minute!"

"No," he seethed. "There is not."

I noticed then how the dark circles had faintly returned under his eyes where they had been disappearing. I lifted up my hand and traced one lightly with my thumb. He sat perfectly still. "Please don't lose sleep over me, L."

"You have no right to tell me that when I already have, and it's no matter because I will not any longer, since you will be coming home with Jude and me directly."

I didn't fancy his reaction as I let him go. "But I'm not."

"WHAT?" The word came out of him in a fierce burst. "I thought we had agreed…"

"We didn't. You said you  _wanted_  me to come back with you. In no way did I ever I agree to return."

He stood up then, storming away from the bench to kick a crumpled tin on the ground. It hit the jungle gym with force, luckily not occupied by any children at the time.

"Well that was a display." I noted. "Do you feel better now getting that out of your system?"

"Why do you do this to me?" he cried, slight desperation in his tone. "I came to London for you. I could not take it anymore. Now you are going to say that you don't care about my efforts, and you are going to stay put?"

I was astounded by his emotion, but answered simply. "L, you want me home so that I'm safe. I'm actually enjoying being here. I've told you before that I've wanted to travel, see different sights and smells, have adventures and I'm doing that. I will be home with Anne next week, I promise."

His eyes took on a sort of resolve, and he nodded. "Very well. You leave me no choice. I will stay in London for the remainder of your visit."

It was my turn to jump up from the bench. " _What?_ I don't need you to keep tabs on me!"

"Oh, is that other man planning to do the job? The one who does not know his own produce?"

"Leave Caleb out of this." I steamed, giving him a cold look. "He's a friend of mine, and I can look after  _myself_ , thank you."

His hand slipped up to his lips as he eyed me with disregard. "Nonetheless, here I will remain if only for my own sanity."

I groaned, and stalked away from him. "You hate the city!"

"That may be so, but I can tolerate it for your sake."

"I don't need you to. I'm not a child. I don't need to be watched over. I'm  _not_  your little sister, L!"

I couldn't believe I had said that. His eyes grew wide and he coughed. "I have never thought of you that way. The only person I claimed as family was Watari, but I do consider you my dearest friend, even though you try me endlessly, and I must stay."

"Why?"

"Because, Grace, near you is where I prefer to be." L whispered softly, casting his gaze down to his feet. "And if I have the choice of that over being alone at the House for a week, I will choose it without question."

I melted and joined him by the swing, putting my arms around his middle, not giving a damn about the rain. He quickly folded me to him. "All right, L, fine. If you want to stay in London, you can. But you will be nice to Liam's family."

"Why would I not be?"

"Well, maybe because no one is thinking too highly of you right now."

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Wonderful."

I looked up at him with a smile, and quickly kissed his cheek. His eyes widened in surprise.

"Thanks for coming here and wanting me home." I told him, watching a silly grin spread across his face. "I may try you endlessly, but I do think you're sweet, you know."

"Wudjuoudmetonoroaccompanmeetoball?"

I blinked in surprise. "Come again? What language was that? I have no idea what you just said."

He sighed and tried again. "Would…would you do me the honor of accompanying me to the ball?"

I felt warm all over and the compulsive need to grin. "You're asking me to go with you to Anne and Liam's engagement party? As your date?"

"Erm…yes. Only if you are not already planning to attend with someone else, such as your new co-worker on the market stall."

I finally did grin at him. "No, I think that would be lovely."

He exhaled deeply. "Wonderful. There should be much dancing."

"Yes." I flushed at the thought of the two of us spinning around the floor in our own little world.

"And…perhaps time to talk about some future cases and...other matters. Without interruption?"

My heart lifted as I realized how long I had waited to hear that. "I'd like that as well."

A sharp, earth-shattering thunder clap sounded then and instantaneously came a deluge of hissing, pouring rain. So much for no interruptions. I shrieked and parted from him, barely able to see him in the downpour.

"We've got to get to the house! Come on!" I grabbed his hand and raced through the park becoming utterly drenched to the bone.

"Do be careful crossing the street!" he cautioned as I dragged him to the curb and across the street, fumbling with the garden gate as the rain bored down on us.

"Forget it, just climb over it!" I shrieked as my fingers kept slipping off of the latch. A second later I was lifted up off of the ground and into L's arms. I stared at him wordless as he smiled and let me down on the other side of the gate.

"Easier that way!" he called as he deftly cleared the gate and joined me at the door.

"Er, right!" I could hardly speak and opened the door to find Daisy in front of us.

"Come in! You don't want to be washed away do you?!" she teased me as we scrambled inside to get dry.

"Here now, take this, luvie." She handed me a towel in the front corridor and stopped short as she scrutinized L. To his credit he didn't cower in fear. "Ah! And you are then?"

"Erm, Elliott, please call me L." He answered her reaching for her hand. "I appreciate you taking such good care of Grace. I was rather worried about her."

She didn't accept it and crossed her arms. She looked quite threatening. I could see how she had kept Liam and his mates in line all these years. "That makes two of us."

L dropped his hand and she laughed, wrapping him in an enormous hug.

"As long as Gracie's fine with you, you're fine with me, boy! Good on you for coming to see her!"

"Ooof! Er, thank you."

I giggled and handed him the towel as she let him go and called into the kitchen.

"Everyone! Look who's here!"

I groaned when Liam appeared, quite subdued, his dark eyes shining with wonder. L eyed him curiously.

"L," he breathed, stopping in front of him. "I I have to say, you're my hero, man!"

He proceeded to squeeze L to an inch of his life like his mum. L could only gawk at me as Liam finally let him go. I looked back at him and shrugged.

"Er, he's happy you came to see me?"

"Right..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Collide by Howie Day
> 
> New song – Why Do You Love Me - Adele


	34. Foes

**Chapter 34. Foes**

"Well, well, well." Anne grinned as L, Liam and I came into the kitchen a few minutes later. "I didn't know it rained men in London!"

"That's a fact I'd rather have kept from you." Liam winked, an inescapable grin on his face. "Apparently  _someone_  was in town for a reason."

"Er, yes. Anne, I will cover the cost of the extensive messaging on your mobile yesterday." L scratched his head as Nan stood up from the table, her eyes bright as she peered at him.

Anne stood up from her chair shaking her head as she threw her arms around L. "Forget that. I'm glad you're here!"

"Me too!" Liam added enthusiastically and I sighed, turning to Nan.

"Nan, this is our friend…Elliott. Elliott, this is Liam's grandmother, Nan."

L held out his hand and stooped a little lower to meet her gaze. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Haypenny."

"And yours…L." Her face was shining like a girl's.

"How did you know her surname?" I demanded then.

L turned to me and raised an eyebrow. "Come now, Grace. How else do you think I found you without at least researching Liam's family tree to start?"

"Brilliant! Just brilliant" Liam exclaimed. "We should hide Grace again and see how quick you can find her."

"Er, no." L's tone was stern. "I would rather you didn't."

"Yes, me neither." I added as the rest of us took seats around the table. "Did Jude get something to eat? He was talking Caleb's ear off about tomatoes just now."

Anne looked at me quizzically. "Jude? Is he here too?"

Instantly, I became worried. "Yes. I told him to come back here. I hope he didn't get lost." I was angry at myself for just giving him an address and expecting him to find the house himself. Was I so dumbstruck by L's appearance that I had lost my common sense? The boy wasn't used to neighborhoods in the city after being so sheltered in the abbey, he could be anywhere.

"I'll go look. He couldn't have gone far." Liam volunteered as Nan continued unnerving L by holding him under open scrutiny.

L coughed and turned to where she sat in the seat beside him. "Erm, yes, Mrs. Haypenny? Can I be of any assistance?"

"You carry many secrets, child." She whispered, placing a hand softly on his cheek. His eyes grew large. "But not to worry, they are safe with me." She gave his face an affectionate pat.

"Oh. That's good then. You have my appreciation." L smiled weakly and settled back in his seat. "Is everyone uncovering my identity today?" he whispered to me under his breath.

"Not too many people, I promise."

The front door swung open and we heard shouting voices and stamping feet in the front room followed by a clap of thunder. I was relieved that I could hear one voice being Jude's bitterly cursing about the weather.

"It ain't pleasant, to be sure." Caleb's voice answered him.

Liam sat back down. "Guess no need call a search party after all, eh L?"

L observed him silently and cleared his throat. I didn't think he was taking to it well that he had an admirer who wasn't one of his successors.

"God, that came out of nowhere!" Jude remarked as he trudged into the kitchen with Caleb behind him a short time later absolutely soaked to the skin. "I don't know how you work outside like that all the time, man."

"Ah you get used to it." Caleb turned to the rest of us and jerked a thumb at Jude. "This one's a good chap; helped me load up the merch before we ran like hell to get under cover. I think I might offer him a job." he remarked jovially, and then winced. "You don't want to be out in a lightning storm surrounded by metal supporting poles…ever."

"Yeah, once is enough, right?" Jude joked, but trailed off when he saw Caleb's stunned expression. "Er, so they say, I guess."

Daisy hurried in with more towels for the boys. "Ah, and who is this cute little thing?" she cooed, and Jude looked back at her in horror from under his dripping hair plastered to his forehead.

"Um, I'm Jude," he mumbled as she proceeded to rub the towel vigorously in his hair without his permission. "Who are you?"

"That's my mum, the luckiest lady in the country right now!" Liam pointed out from where he sat across from L, still wearing the admiration from earlier. L shifted uncomfortably in his seat. I still was waiting for the confrontation about Liam finding out so soon. I'm certain it wasn't to happen until after the wedding breakfast at the earliest.

"I know I'm lucky meeting so many wonderful new friends! Caleb, have you met Elliott? He's from Annie and Grace's school!"

Caleb's cursory glance at L was hardly welcoming. "Er, yeah, I met him already." He dismissed, running the towel over his head. He shook the dampened light brown hair out of his stony eyes.

"I don't believe we were ever properly introduced." L spoke up then, and I flinched as he looked at me on his other side, expecting me to perform this duty.

Reluctantly, I did. "Er, Cay, this is Elliott. He likes to be called L. L, this is Caleb. He prefers to be called Cay."

"You can call me Caleb,  _Elliott."_ Caleb's tone was cold, but L wasn't the least bit intimidated.

"Ah, yes proper names are more suitable until we are better acquainted."

"Don't expect that." Caleb retorted, handing Daisy back the towel. I wondered why he was being so hostile.

"Jude is from Wammy's House too." Anne supplied, which thrilled Liam's mum.

"Oh, is he?! Such handsome blokes you grow there! Wait till the girls around here get a look at them, hey Mum?"

Nan just chuckled to herself, mentioned that her favorite serial was about to start and started to walk out of the room, stopping when she reached Jude in the threshold.

She paused by him, studying him as she had L. "Don't be so frightened, dearie. All are welcome here." She assured him gently and then headed for her television set in the front room. Jude stared after her in wonder.

"I must say," Daisy continued. "I can't wait to meet Mr. Wammy himself; I hope it's soon. After all, he'll be walking Annie down the aisle next year, won't he?"

"He tends to do that for all of his daughters." L noted smoothly, and I jabbed him in the side, exasperated.

"You will not constantly be bringing this up, L, so help me God…"

Anne gasped then, startling Jude. "Oh, you guys, I completely forgot to tell you. I don't know how this slipped my mind. Mr. Wammy is having a party next month at the house for Lee and me…"

"More like a fancy ball." I added with a smirk, and Anne frowned a little. She had a tendency to downplay things when they involved her good fortune.

"Yeah, okay, a ball. But everyone's invited! He wants our families to meet and celebrate together! So you all have to come!"

Daisy cried out in delight and clasped her hands together. "A  _ball?_  Girls! Really, a ball?! I can't believe it!"

"It should be fun." Anne continued, evidently pleased with her future mother-in-law's reaction. "There's so many more people to meet, and it'll give Paul a reason to wear his good suit!"

"Oh, he will! Gracie-darlin', you know you'll have your pick of the lads that evening! Makes a woman wish she was single sometimes."

"Mum!" Liam protested. "If Dad could hear you…"

"I believe Grace is already spoken for that evening." L commented quietly, and I watched Caleb's eyes narrow across the room.

"What?! Gracie, the standing invitation to dance with Andrew isn't still going on, you know." Anne rolled her eyes. "I doubt he'd come anyway after L knocking him on his arse a couple of days ago. You're free to dance with whoever you want, girl."

"That's not what he meant by that…" Jude whispered, smirking slightly. Liam picked up on Jude's hint first.

"Oh! The pair of you are going together?! Good on you, Grace, no need to hold a grudge. I'm not surprised at all that  _you_  convinced her, L."

"Well, well…" Anne was elated. "When did this happen?"

"Just a little bit ago." I mumbled shyly, looking down at the table.

"When I first arrived, I asked." L added calmly. "G was kind enough to accept."

"Well of course she would! It's you after all!" Liam answered proudly and Anne tsked her tongue, her voice taking on the patient tone.

"Lee, we talked about this…"

Caleb lifted up his jacket collar and looked toward the doorway. "Yeah, well, I just brought Jude here, I'll be off then." he said briskly.

I felt a sharp pang in my heart as I thought on how quickly things had changed from when I was being given apples and flowers until now. I wasn't blind to realize that Caleb might be a little hurt by my change in behavior. "Don't go back out in that if you don't have to, Cay." I urged. "Stay where it's dry. I'm certain no one is looking to purchase produce in a storm like this."

His softened blue eyes met mine and then shifted over to the dark ones by my side, immediately losing their peace. He sighed, crossing the room to lean against the counter behind us. "All right, maybe it'll let up in a bit."

I smiled, pleased, but I could see L's lips forming into a straight line, apparently not sharing in my satisfaction. It was evident that these two weren't going to be friends without some work.

"I've got to say, Gracie, the flowers really do look nice there on the table." Caleb spoke up as Daisy bustled by the laundry machine trying to find Jude something dry to wear.

"Ah yes, Cay, it was sweet of you to send them!" she called over her shoulder as she rummaged in a basket of clothes. "Ah, it may be a bit big on you, luvie, but it'll do." she shook out an enormous black t-shirt with " _Big Poppa_ " emblazoned across the chest and Jude eyed it with distaste.

"Er, thanks."

"It was no trouble, Daisy." Caleb answered grandly. "I thought it would be nice, you know, to cheer her up a bit. She did need it."

"All right, Big Poppa!" Liam teased and Jude's cheeks turned pink as he plodded out of the room with Daisy to find a place to change.

"You're always good for cheering people up, Caleb." Anne gave him a warm grin. "And Jamie's always good for a pick me up, hey Gracie?"

I shot her a warning look and heard L inquire as to what that question meant.

Liam, whose apparent sole purpose in life was now to appease L, informed him with a laugh. I sank lower in my chair as L became very quiet.

"…yeah, so the pub doors fly open, with my mate Wood introducing her to everyone and she's up on Jamie's shoulder completely brassed off!" Liam recounted with delight. My cheeks reddened and I didn't dare look at the face of the man by my side.

"So this...Jamie…threw Grace over his shoulder and dragged her forcibly to the local public house?" L's knuckles were turning white as he gripped a napkin in his hands, the only part of him I could see.

"He meant no harm by it." I defended him, as his anger built.

L's expression wasn't allowing explanation as he swiveled in his seat to take in the man behind him. "Tell me, Caleb. Is it common for your friends to go around abducting women?"

 _" **L**!"_ Anne and I cried out, but Caleb's look back was just as menacing as he crossed his arms.

"No, my friends are  _real_  friends who would never think of doing anything to hurt another friend of ours. Unlike some."

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" L demanded.

"You're the bloody genius,  _you_  figure it out." Caleb snapped in return.

I so wish I had let him stalk off in the rain after all.

"Both of you…stop it." I ordered. "No one abducted anyone else. It was just a lark."

L completely ignored my attempt to deescalate the situation as he stood up and viewed Caleb coolly. "If what you are insinuating is that I am  _not_  a good friend, I take great offense to that accusation. My presence in this home refutes that statement."

"No, it's more like she's too forgiving." Caleb pushed his body off of the counter to meet L. He had a few inches on him in height. "You didn't see her yesterday with tears in her eyes looking like her world ended, downing pints to feel better. She should have told you to clear off when you showed up. You haven't been here for her and yet she forgives you like that? What makes you so special anyway?"

"Steady on, mate." Liam interceded with a nervous laugh. "There's no need for a row here, really."

"Can we stop with the  _"shes"_  and  _"hers_ " when I'm right here?" I stood up as well, annoyed.

"And where exactly have you been for the last twenty years?" L grew even more incensed ignoring us both. "You don't even have all of the information and you're making stupid judgments."

"Don't...call ...me...stupid." Caleb growled.

"Both of you are my bloody friends so stop this now!" I took L's arm and tugged him back to his seat. "You're both being childish!" Mediating arguments was innate after so many years of squabbles at Wammy's, I just wasn't usually the cause of the conflict.

"It's childish to want what's best for you? Right, I'm leaving." Caleb strode out of the kitchen heading for the door. Guilt flooded me and I pushed past L to get to him before he left.

I found him at the door about to turn the knob. He hesitated when I reached him.

"Cay, come now, don't leave like this." I pleaded as I tried to keep my voice down due to the telly. "I really do appreciate everything you've done for me, but L is my friend too."

"I don't know why." He scowled. "Why do you want to be friends with someone who makes you cry?"

"Because," I sighed, lowering my eyes. "…It's hard to explain. He's more than that."

Caleb let out a derisive snort. "Right. What he could have possibly said that made everything better so fast?"

"He apologized." I shrugged. "That usually makes everything okay, doesn't it?"

"I reckon." He grudgingly admitted as Nan scolded the actors on the television behind us. "I guess I can say I'm sorry too, Gracie."

I smiled. "You don't have to apologize, Caleb."

"No, I'm sorry you're just going to get your heart broken again by keeping him around. I've seen it too many times. You deserve better than that and I thought you knew that."

The cutting pain sliced through me and I stared at him unable to speak. He sighed and opened the door, closing it behind him.

"He doesn't like seeing people hurt."

I turned to see Jude standing at the bottom of the steps, drowning in the oversized t shirt, his hair now neatly combed.

"He doesn't know everything though." I answered him defeated, leaning against the wall. "He hated L on sight."

"Well, so did you, G."

He was right. I felt myself relenting. "Maybe there's hope for him after all."

"Yeah, maybe."

"So, why did you decide to come along? Needed to get away from the Copper for a bit?"

"Uh no. There's some stuff I still need to get at the…old place, and Wammy asked L to go with me."

"Oh, because he was coming anyway to look for me?"

"Actually, he already knew where you were before we left the house." Jude backed up a step or two when he noticed my expression. "Uh, Grace? Are you okay?"

My fists tightened at my sides. "One of the reasons I forgave him so easily was because he lead me to believe he had searched the whole of East London for me. You're telling me that didn't happen?!"

"Ah, well, uh he did miss you a lot." Jude tried to smooth things over but to no avail.

"Pardon me, Grace? Would you wish to accompany Jude and myself to the abbey later this afternoon? Your company is always welcome."

I looked up to see L standing in the room, bathed in the light of the television set. He became concerned when I didn't respond. "Is everything all right?"

"Roger always told me if I didn't have anything nice to say to not say anything at all. However, he isn't here, so I will tell you that I think you are a complete deceiving creep." I glared at him seething.

L was alarmed. "What? Where is this coming from, G?!"

"Uh, somehow Grace found out it was pretty easy to find her." Jude shrugged coming down the rest of the steps to pass his shamefaced mentor. "Don't know how that happened…"

L groaned. "Come now, I did look for you, I did."

"On your computer! What kind of effort did  _that_  take, L?!"

"I'll have you know, it did take effort. I did have to search Liam's family tree. The birth records proved helpful but the university faculty listings were even more so."

 _Was he serious?_ "You had me believe something that isn't true. Why weren't you honest?"

"Because," he steamed as Nan switched off her program any effort to follow the plot useless at this point. "It didn't matter if I was scouring the streets; my intentions were to find you no matter what. Once I obtained the location I didn't care about anything else but seeing you again. If that makes me a complete deceiving creep, then so be it."

I was silenced and stared back at him with my mouth open. Nan poked Jude where he stood by the sofa. "Forget  _Coronation Street_ , here's a real drama!"

"Eh, ma'am, you don't know the half of it."

The doorknob turned again and my heart jumped at the thought of Caleb coming back in the middle of all of this. Instead Jamie and Wood strolled in and stopped in their tracks when they noticed the two new faces.

Hey, that's my shirt!" Jamie cried with a laugh. "There's only one Big Poppa around here!"

"Believe me, this is not by choice." Jude sulked back into the kitchen.

Wood and Jamie took L in in disbelief. "Gracie, who is this?" Wood's voice was softer than I had ever heard him.

"This is L!" Nan chirped watching the scene with a big grin. "He came to London to find Grace, but he already had her address so he made short work of his search and showed up telling Grace that he had tracked her down which was a huge bullocking lie."

"Oh," Wood answered. "So it's that git."

"What did you call me?" L shot back fiercely and I groaned. We were right back where we had started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor L, Poor Caleb, Poor Big Poppa...I mean Jude. 
> 
> Written listening to The Way It Is by Nicole Atkins
> 
> New song: King of Anything – Sara Bareilles


	35. Purpose

**Chapter 35: Purpose**

A few hours later, L and I were accompanying Jude to St. Sebastian's Abbey outside of London. As Peter whistled cheerfully driving the car through the high wrought iron gates, Jude's entire demeanor changed. Instantly he sat up straighter in his seat between us and stared forward, almost rigid. I glanced over his head to L wondering once more what exactly Jude had endured in this place. His behavior was certainly not making it seem a warm and nurturing home. He pursed his lips together and sighed. It was apparent even he didn't know.

"So, are you guys going to stop bickering for five minutes?" Jude then asked crossly as the car pulled up in front of a centuries old stone property on the grounds.

"Who said we were bickering?" I asked him in surprise.

"It doesn't have to be out loud," he muttered his eyes locked on the tall doors on the left side of the car. "The stony silence is enough."

"I assure you that Grace and I are once more the best of friends," L answered him calmly.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," I disagreed. "Now that you've alienated yourself from half of Liam's family, even after I asked you specifically to make an effort not to do so."

L was miffed. "Well then, I ask you, how must one respond to being called a 'git' within the first five minutes of introduction?"

"There is such a phrase as 'turning the other cheek.'"

"Why, so the other man could insult me, as well? No thank you." L crossed his arms, his expression petulant. "It's not as if you defended me at all."

"There was no need to defend you. You're a grown man who's capable of defending himself. Usually without physically fighting, although that has changed in the last week. Just ask Andrew Hargrove."

"Be that as it may, I never made actual contact with the one called  _Wood_."

"No, but you did call him a cur and shook your fist in his face. Actually, I admire your bravery doing that in front of someone as threateningly built as Jamie. You're rather lucky that it ended there."

"Are you implying that I could not hold my own in an altercation?"

"Against those two? L…I'd rather not think about it."

He leaned over Jude, annoyed. "I don't just sit pretty working on cases, Grace. I do get my hands dirty as well. I am prepared to fight, if needed."

I smiled to myself. "Oh yes, I know you don't just sit pretty on cases; you get to dress up pretty as well."

His eyes were alive with fire. "Grace Deacon… give me one good reason I shouldn't silence you this second…"

"Enough!" Jude groaned, covering his ears. "Just both of you go back to being silent. Sheesh!"

L glared at me over Jude's head, and I smiled winningly back at him. "It's not like Jude doesn't know, L."

"Oh yes, I know too damn much," Jude growled. "But I still don't know how you two are friends."

"We aren't merely friends. We're married, remember?" L replied with a smirk that received a cold look from my direction.

"Very very thin ice, Louie…" I warned under my breath as a portly, balding man in a long black cassock emerged from the double doors and stood expectantly on the top step. "Careful you don't fall in."

"Ah my dear Cassandra, I'm only getting started."

"You two have way too many names for each other." Jude rolled his eyes and groaned. "We'd better get out."

"Right."

L stepped out of the car first, followed by Jude and me. I noticed our greeter adverted his eyes when Jude came into view and only addressed me. "Welcome to St. Sebastian's Abbey, my child. I take that you are the representative from Wammy's House?"

I shook the hand he offered and stepped back nearer to the others. "Well, we're all from Wammy's House, Father. We were told Jude was asked to come back and collect a few things?"

"I really don't think I left anything that I miss." Jude crossed his arms with a scowl and the priest's face took on a confused expression before moving on to L.

"Actually, Abbot Carmichael wishes for you all to meet with him in his personal study. If you will follow me."

"Certainly." L nodded not missing Jude cringing beside him. "It will be quick." He promised him and slowly Jude relaxed, removing his arms from in front of his chest.

"It'd better be." He mumbled bitterly as we passed through the doors and were shepherded down a tapestry lined hallway. "I bet Father Wes isn't even here right now."

"Father Wes?" I asked, not hearing that name before.

"Yeah, Father Wesley. He goes to shelters and stuff during the day. He wrote me last week and said he's going to try to come to the school at Christmas. You'll like him, he's a decent sort. The only nice bit about this stupid place..."

"Well I look forward to meeting him." I chirped brightly, happy that there had at least been one kind person looking after Jude during his stay at St. Sebastian's.

Two other clergymen were coming down the hallway from the opposite direction talking quietly when they noticed us, or more specifically Jude. Their speech abruptly stopped, and they quickened their pace to pass us, both of their heads bowed down denying any contact.

"Good day to you, too!" I called back, miffed as Jude's shoulders slumped a little.

"Grace, don't instigate." L quietly urged as our guide stopped at a tall door adorned with a framed icon portraying St. Sebastian. I winced at the many arrows impaling the martyr's skin. It couldn't be a good way to be tortured, well if there could be a good way. "I wouldn't think starting an argument with holy men would be the wisest thing to do."

"Well I don't always have to be wise." I sighed as the priest knocked on the door.

"My dear father abbot, the boy has arrived."

"Does no one address Jude by his name here?" I hissed to L who shrugged.

"It would appear that way."

A voice came from the depths of the room. "Send him in."

I steeled myself for the encounter as our guide stepped aside and gestured for us to enter the room.

The abbot of St. Sebastian's was a short man with a tuft of pure white hair and sharp features. He silently gestured to several chairs before him as we joined him in the dark study furnished entirely in mahogany wood.

I seated myself and noticed that L and Jude remained standing. The abbot kept his gaze away from Jude as well.

"Welcome. Was Mr. Wammy unable to come today?" he asked coolly as shuffled a stack of papers on the massive desk decorated with carved scenes from the New Testament. "I thought he was more attentive of his wards' affairs."

"He was unfortunately indisposed. However, I am Jude's guardian and was deemed suitable to appear in his stead." L explained, his tone just as icy.

The abbot's protuberant eyes fell on me. "And who is this?"

"I'm  _family_." I answered with a hint of defiance, my mind already confirmed that I did not care for this man. Jude kept his eyes focused on the expensive Oriental rug at his feet.

"The boy has no family," Abbot Carmichael scoffed, and L responded quickly.

"He does now."

Jude glanced up at L in surprise as his guardian swallowed and nodded his head slightly toward him. I watched a small smile creep onto Jude's lips before it vanished.

"So, the niceties aside, why have you called Jude here today?" I asked. "He assumed it was to gather what few things he might have left here."

"Ah yes, well, that is only a half-truth. It was felt best to inform him in person." The abbot spoke above Jude's head to L and me. "It's regarding Father Nigel Wesley. He's dead."

 _Dead?!_ I gasped. Jude's face paled, and he snarled back at the abbot. "What do you mean he's dead? I got a letter from him last week!"

"Well, that would be because Father Wesley died four days ago."

Jude started shaking with anger, and L placed a steadying hand on his shoulder. "When is the funeral?" he asked then as Jude took in a few shuddering breaths.

The abbot did not appear the least apologetic. "Oh, he was buried yesterday. That is not why you were called here."

I stood up now, indignant. "Don't you think that possibly Jude would have wished to attend? Why wasn't he informed?"

The abbot cleared his throat. "A mere oversight."

"You're so full of shit!" Jude seethed glaring right at him. "They didn't want me there, but Father Wesley would have!"

The abbot ignored the outburst and looked at L and me. "Father Wesley was a gentle, misguided priest who befriended the boy. He did not see his devilish power as dangerous. In fact, he encouraged it."

I was becoming more and more furious by the man's treatment of Jude. No wonder he had shown up with Wammy that night glaring and unfeeling. It seemed that was all he was used to being. I stepped behind Jude and put my hand on his other shoulder.

"He seems like he was a wonderful human being and a credit to the church. What is there to fear of Jude's ability if you have nothing to hide?"

Jude perked up at my words. L's eyes shifted to me, their expression full of admiration.

The abbot did not share L's opinion and eyed me harshly. "That power is ungodly. Of course, it is something to fear. Only the Lord himself is supposed to know our innermost thoughts and feelings."

Jude's voice spoke up then quiet but determined. "I want to know how he died."

Abbot Carmichael sniffed, focusing his line of sight above Jude's head. "Very well, if you must know. He was murdered."

A chill ran through my body, and L's thumb slipped up to his lips. "He was  _murdered_?" I repeated, disbelieving. "Here at St. Sebastian's?" What kind of place  _was_ this?

The abbot left the desk and walked slowly to the high arched windows that allowed a bleak, bastardized sunlight to reach the room. "Father Wesley, as I previously mentioned, was an overly giving person. He made it his mission, his calling rather, to administer to the sick and poor in various shelters around London. This continuous act of kindness and service led to his death."

"I must ask you to explain," L's face was wrought with confusion. "Was he murdered by a vagrant?"

"No, a common brute who demanded his wallet, and when Father Wesley showed him the few pounds he had, the mugger knifed him and left him to die. Directly out front of the one refuge he frequented most. In broad daylight."

Jude turned his head away from L's view where I could see his green eyes growing a darker shade with tears.

My heart ached for him. Knowing very easily that I could be violently rejected, I protectively embraced him and felt surprised that he didn't fight to break free. "I'm sorry, Jude. I'm so sorry. He must have meant a lot to you." I comforted the boy once again experiencing the anguish of grief.

"He was my friend," Jude mumbled from my shoulder. "I should have been told!"

L watched as Jude broke composure and stepped closer to the abbot, who backed up a few steps when he noticed his barely concealed fury.

"If this is all you had to tell Jude, Abbot, we'll take our leave now."

"There is further business," The abbot answered him returning to his desk. "But Mr...ah, I do not believe you ever gave me your name."

"Ryuzaki." L smoothly responded as Jude parted from me, embarrassed. I offered him a smile that he was unable to return.

"Er, yes Mr. Ryuzaki and er…Mrs. Ryuzaki, I should offer you a word of warning." He turned to Jude with a cursory glance. "Caul, can you step outside in the hall for a few moments?"

 _Mrs_. Ryuzaki? My eyes widened, but I was able to speak. "What can't you say in front of Jude?"

"Don't worry about it, Grace." Jude gave the abbot a dirty look. "I'll do as he says."

"No, you will not." L stopped him and directly addressed the abbot. "What is your word of warning?"

The abbot seemed reluctant to divulge the information in front of Jude. "Well, I don't know how to say this, but the boy...he is cursed."

I drew in a sharp breath, but Jude seemed resigned to this accusation. I figured that he must have heard this repeatedly as a resident within these walls.

L shook his head with scorn. "I don't believe in curses. Do you have any substantial evidence of this?"

"Yes, simply that everyone that boy has become close to has met a tragic end. I repeatedly warned Father Wesley of this, but I was ignored. Mr. Ryuzaki, for the sake of your wife and yourself, do not become close to him. Not if you value your lives."

"Nonsense," I sputtered out then. "Every one of us has been marked by tragedy. We stick together. We don't shun ones like us."

My mother and grandfather had been murdered by my father; I would call  _that_  being cursed.

The abbot disagreed vehemently, then sighed, "Very well, you choose to ignore my warning. I cannot guarantee your safety."

"Quite honestly, I wouldn't want my well-being in your hands, anyway," I snapped. "Not after the way I see you treat children in your care."

The abbot's face twisted in outrage. "Young lady, you are speaking far too freely to a man of God."

"Man of God. Rather a loose term isn't it?"

"Dearest," L turned to me, amusement in his eyes. "That is enough, now."

I bit my tongue and glared at the abbot instead.

"Was there anything else?" L asked then, eager to leave.

"There is the matter of the will. Father Wesley had planned to give his money to charity, but instead, foolishly, he's chosen to give it all to the boy."

Jude sucked in a breath. "What do you mean?" Abbot Carmichael kept his eyes on the papers before him.

"I mean that Father Wesley was born into quite a wealthy household and gave much of his inheritance away in his lifetime, but in his death, he has given you a considerable amount. There is also a letter inside to read at your leisure. All it says in the will was that the money was meant to be used to "help young Jude find his purpose". He apparently had faith that you'd have one."

Before I could speak, L shot back. "Everyone has a purpose. Every life is precious. The man was very wise."

"A hero." I agreed. "And a  _true_ man of God."

The abbot had had enough of us, I could tell. "Well be that as it may, this envelope contains a copy of the will as well as the letter written for him. Once an account is set up in his name, the inheritance can be transferred into it."

"Consider it done." L took the envelope and handed it to Jude. "We will be leaving now."

"I see. Well, I will keep your family in my prayers. You may need every one." The abbot made no effort to walk us out of his study.

Jude accepted the envelope as L and I turned to leave. He paused and gave the abbot a cold, frightening look. "One day,  _you_  may need the prayers, Father."

Abbot Carmichael's face turned pallor and he weakly sat down as I tugged Jude's sleeve to urge him along.

* * *

"And you asked  _me_  not to instigate." I commented to L as we finally came back outside to the car. "The man nearly had a heart attack."

"He always hated me." Jude noted as he stood beside the car looking up at the abbey one last time. "He's furious that others don't."

"Well, then he will remain furious." I replied, mustering up some cheerfulness. "Now, is there anywhere you'd like to go? Would you like some privacy to read your letter?"

Jude looked down at the envelope in his hands, deep in thought. He lifted his green eyes to mine after a minute. "I do have somewhere I want to go, if it's all right."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, we stood outside of Green Street Shelter watching quietly as Jude approached the makeshift memorial of flowers and cards by the front entrance and knelt before it. My heart ached for him, loss had never come easy for any of us and for this to happen just as Jude was starting to let people in? It made me worry he'd be forever shut off again from everyone.

"He's lost his only friend." L murmured as people who approached the shelter gave Jude a respectful distance as they entered or passed it.

"It's not fair." I whispered back, wiping an angry tear from my cheek. "He's already lost so much…"

"It's never fair, Grace. Death comes at any time."

"That doesn't mean I have to accept it."

Jude stood up and walked back over to us, his letter clutched in his hands. "I, uh, I've decided something."

"Have you? What would that be?"

He cleared his throat, clutching the envelope. "I have seen a lot of horrible things in my life and most of the people get away with them. I thought that since I couldn't ever catch everybody that it wasn't worth trying. But now, with Father Wesley killed like that, right here on the street..." He paused as he sought control over his voice. "I know what I want to do."

I couldn't breathe as I stared transfixed at him. L leaned forward attentively.

"I, I want to be like you guys. I want to be a detective someday. I want to help make the streets safer so people don't have to be afraid. I want to do what I can." Nervously he looked away from us. "I know my marks aren't brilliant, but I can do better. I need to."

L stayed silent as I smiled at him. "Jude, I would like that too. You can do a world of good."

Jude was relieved but still waited for L.

L closed his eyes briefly then spoke. "I feel you could be a very valuable successor to me. If this is the path you wish to take, I promise to assist you."

A genuine smile spread across the newest successor's face. "Awesome. Thanks."

"And I don't believe in curses either or your power being demonic. A load of rubbish." I added. "That's the trouble with the church. It's far too superstitious."

"Rather alarming to be sure." L noted as we climbed back into the car. "All the symbols of death throughout that building, why exactly are they needed?"

"I suppose putting the fear of God in people has to be visually demonstrated somehow." I said as L closed the door and Peter turned his head toward us.

"Where to, kiddies?" he asked brightly.

"The Cornell home, please Peter." I told him and settled back on the seat cushion. I truly felt proud of Jude for finding the desire in himself to be something more. Tragedy tended to bring out the most honesty and depth in people and I was thankful Jude wasn't immune.

"Mrs. Ryuzaki." Jude snorted to himself as we started to drive away. "There's another name for you to add to the list, Grace."

I sighed, avoiding the wide smile from L. Sometimes too much honesty could be quite a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Song – Mad World- Gary Jules
> 
> Creep by Scala and the Kolacny Brothers


	36. Timing

**36**.  **Timing**

The novelty of having L as a houseguest was wearing off very quickly for Liam.

"God!" he remarked bleary eyed at breakfast two mornings later. "It's just type type type all night long. And then I ask him about …you know…work and such, and he says he's not at liberty to talk about it. What kind of fun is that?"

"I don't know cuz." Jamie contentedly reached for a piece of toast and began slathering it with Marmite. "I'm finding the sofa quite comfy myself."

"Yeah well, I don't see why I have to be in with... _them_." Jude turned red as he dug into a plate of baked beans on toast.

I shared a glance with Anne, knowing we hadn't wanted Jude to be by himself the last few days, which had been our argument why he needed to share the room with us. Obviously, he wasn't as comfortable with our choice.

"Oh Jude, c'mon, we haven't been leaving our bras out or anything. And you only come in at night and crash on the floor." Anne rolled her eyes and gave him a playful push. "There are several men who would kill to be in your place."

"Yep, I'm one of them." Jamie noted, receiving a glare from Liam.

"I'm going to assume that you are still waking up, and didn't mean to say that out loud." Liam warned his cousin, interrupting himself with a wide yawn. "Lord, I feel like I could sleep for days!"

"Being around L has that effect." I smirked, buttering my piece of toast.

"Where is he anyway?" Anne asked, opening a box of cereal. "I feel like I've hardly seen him!"

"Working." I explained. "A lot of research at the British Museum." L  _was_  working, it wasn't a lie. Lord knows where he would go. I'd gotten tired of the coming and going but really didn't know what to say about it. Do stop saving the world as often as you do, the people can fend for themselves for once? I shuddered imagining the look I would get after a comment like that.

"I think all he does is work!" Liam groaned, dropping his weary head on the table. "And eat…Lord does he eat."

"Maybe you should join him in that." Jamie teased tossing Liam an apple that just missed his head.

Anne picked up the bruised fruit that had rolled to a stop in front of her exhausted fiancé. "If he's going to start eating like L, he would skip this stuff entirely."

"Yeah but he needs to eat up so Cay can make a few bob." Jamie answered. "After all, the sweets shop down the way and Averill's Bakery have been making a pretty penny this week so far, haven't they?"

"He still won't sell tomatoes." Jude grumbled. "Said the vegetable dealer's cornered the market on them."

"That's the trouble with Caleb." Liam's cousin sighed. "He won't try to be competitive with the other traders in the market. It's probably why he's still as poor as a church mouse."

"Hey, at least he's honest." Anne defended him. "He doesn't want to cheat anyone. That's something to admire, you know."

Their talk of Caleb made me feel awful again. He still hadn't been by the house and he was proving impossible to catch at his stall. I couldn't see why he was so offended by L. It seemed that he had lost respect for me for remaining friends with him which if true was quite unfortunate because it wasn't like it was going to change.

"Where the hell has Caleb been anyway?" Liam lifted his head up, exasperated. "You used to be able to time the exact second he'd roll in here for lunchtime every day. Now he's bloody disappeared!"

"He's around." Jude spoke up then, setting down his fork. "Just doesn't want to really come here right now."

The guilt overrode my sensibilities as I quickly stood up to take my dish and glass to the sink while my best friend asked Jude why that was even though I was certain she knew.

I turned to meet Jude's green eyes which he quickly shifted away from mine. "I dunno. He just doesn't."

"Well that's no excuse. Caleb Templeton has been coming in and out of this house for twenty-five years!" Jamie thundered, smacking his massive hand down on the table. "What would make him stop?"

Anne's face took on a look of regret. "Maybe it's gotten too crowded for him."

This was too much. I strode toward the doorway quietly while my friends debated over reasons why Caleb had abandoned them all. I couldn't have it. I didn't want to be the reason that he was avoiding his lifelong friends and hoped I could fix the rift that I had inadvertently caused. How I would achieve such a lofty task I still didn't know but held hope that the right words would come in the heat of the moment. That, or I would just stammer and look like a fool. Obviously, I held out the most hope for the first option.

* * *

My heart jumped when I saw Caleb was actually at the stall. He definitely wasn't wearing his happy look as he negotiated with an older woman about his prices. Of course, with what she was saying to him, no one could expect him to look cheerful.

"So, if your fruits cost the same as they do in Sainsbury's, tell me why I should even bother!" the woman was red in the face as I approached.

Caleb ran a hand through his beard and controlled his speech. "Madam, my goods are freshly delivered every day and I have no doubt of their quality. For that reason alone, you should shop here. It's not like you're losing any money doing so, is it?"

I stepped up giving her an encouraging smile. "They are also delicious."

She scrutinized me from under her white crocheted beret. "I don't fancy this sort of pushy salesmanship. Good day!" And then she stalked off. I wished the ground would swallow me where I stood. This was absolutely not the way I wanted to make things right again between us, causing him to lose business and such.

As the lost customer disappeared into the market, Caleb gave me a cursory glance. "Oh, hi." He greeted carefully. "Doing the shopping for that crowd you got at Liam's?"

"Er, no." I felt embarrassed. "I-I just want to say that I'm sorry...about everything."

"Ah, that woman delights in arguing, don't worry about it."

"No…not just the patron…" I struggled to find the perfect words. "I wish you and I could be friends again. I feel awful about it."

He didn't seem moved by my speech. "Why now? Does that odd Elliott person have no time for you?"

"No, …Elliott is still my friend, but listen, Cay. Your dislike of him should have nothing to do with our friendship. Of course people will dislike him. He puts others off, he's not very tactful and he can definitely be self-centered. It took me a long time to like him as a person and it was the same amount of time it took him to finally like me."

"Why wouldn't he like you?" Caleb huffed. "Is he really that dim?"

"I'm not perfect. We know a million ways to rile each other up which truly never helped a friendship grow. Believe me, I can be rather hard to get along with."

He was deep in thought as he crossed his arms. "I don't know, I thought you were brilliant until he showed up. Grace, don't you remember what we talked about at the pub?" his face became downcast and I floundered to respond.

What  _had_ we talked about at the pub? I could only remember several moments of that night: Jamie carrying me in, the singing, partly the drinking, the news report, and …Caleb's sympathetic expression as we talked together at the table. I flushed knowing I must have said something terrible for him to look that way.

He seemed eager to remind me. "You talked about wishing to be free, not be weighed down by responsibility, to not be so confused. I told you that you needed to let go of the people and things in your life that were causing you unnecessary pain because they just added to the overall strain. You agreed with me, Grace. You said if that Elliott showed up here you'd tell him to clear off. You told me that he was the one causing you the most pain. I was really proud of you for realizing that." His blue eyes grew dark with stormy feeling. "Then he waltzes in here, demands you to go back to that house and you completely forgive him! No lengthy discussion, no pleading and begging on his part, as it should have been. You just broke that quickly. It ain't like he's handsome or personable, Grace, he's  _neither_  of those things! He seems like an arrogant prat who wants things to fall in place for himself without making any true effort. And you did just what he wanted!"

"With all due respect, Caleb," I began slowly, knowing infuriating him even more wouldn't help matters. "It doesn't matter how he looks and L is famous for giving a bad first impression. Believe me, I know. I didn't break quickly as you say since I'm still here. If I had did what he wanted, I would have been back in Winchester forty-eight hours ago, wouldn't I?"

"Well, he's nothing much." Caleb snapped then. "Accusing the lot of us of abducting you. Just who does he think he is?"

"Someone important." I tried not to smile. "He's overprotective, he knows now that that wasn't even close to what you had done."

"Whatever." He shrugged, vigorously spraying his apples and pears with a filled water bottle. "You haven't convinced me that he's a worthwhile person, Gracie."

"I wasn't trying to. Like I said, our friendship shouldn't be affected by him. So um, look, I was wondering, later, if you'd care to spend time together, just you and me. To help our friendship grow a bit."

Caleb stopped his busy work as he turned to look at me, the storms receding from his gaze. "Oh yeah? Really? Just us?"

I shyly looked down at the ground. "Er, yes. If you'd like to."

I lifted my head up to see him grinning at me. "Sure! That would be fun! I've got the best idea. Tell me you haven't been on the Eye yet."

His smiling was contagious. "Oh, the observation attraction on the river? No, I haven't ridden it."

"Well you will today. Wait till you see the city from the tippy top! It'll take your breath away." His grin faded a little as his eyes softened. "I really appreciate you wanting to still be near me, Gracie. Especially with how ratty I was acting."

"Think none of it. Just come by Liam's house more. Your mates are complaining that they haven't seen you."

Caleb nodded, reddening a little. "Oh, yeah I'll be there at lunch like usual. And then I'll come by at five for you. I'll close up early."

"Wonderful. Five it is." I left the stall waving back to him. "See you then!"

"It's a date!" he called to me waving energetically back.

I turned forward and my face fell. A date? That hadn't been my intention!

"Damn and blast." I muttered heading back to Liam's house. Why was it that I always encouraged the thing I wanted least?

* * *

A few hours later I was sitting with Nan watching a sewing program, my mind full of worrying thoughts when Anne strolled in holding her mobile phone and beaming.

"It appears the elusive L has made contact." She teased tossing the phone in my lap. "Check out the message I just got."

I flipped open the device to read.

_**14:13 from L** _

_G,_

_Meet me at Scotland Yard._

_Please._

_L_

"Scotland Yard?" I repeated quizzically. "Is this for work?"

Anne shrugged. "I don't think so. He did write "please."

"Yes, that is shocking I'll admit."

I glanced up at the clock above the television. 2:15. "I suppose I could go for a little bit."

"Yes, dear, you don't want to be late for your date with Caleb now." Nan's eyes twinkled, and Anne laughed.

"Nan, she doesn't want to call it a date."

"Well with a boy and girl out on the town together, what else could it be called, Annie?" Nan chuckled giving me a wry smile.

"If you put it that way, Grace going to Scotland Yard to meet Elliot could be considered a date too!" They both dissolved into a gale of giggles.

I gave the both of them a hard look. "Now we're being really loose with the term, don't you think? Annie, I'm going to take this with me in case I get lost."

"Sure, girl." Anne took the seat beside Nan I had just vacated. "Just make sure to be back soon."

"Er, right." I pulled on my coat and threw my purse over my shoulder. "I'm going to go get a cab. I will return."

"Have fun!" Anne called after me as I stepped outside. I rolled my eyes at her gaiety but felt a little excited at the prospect. Had L finally come to his senses and asked for my help with one of his cases? I held my head up high with pride as I made my way to the taxi stand. It was about time.

* * *

A bit of time later, my taxi had reached the tall mirrored windowed building that was known worldwide as New Scotland Yard. "What have you got to go to here for, Missy? Wanting to turn yourself in for a crime?" the cab driver joked as he pulled over to the side of Broadway and I found enough for double the fare in my purse.

"Not yet anyway. Please keep the change. Thank you for getting me here safely."

"Wouldn't be much of a driver if I couldn't do that!" he laughed and tipped his cap as he pulled back out into traffic. I looked across the street toward the small park to see L sitting in his odd crouched way on a bench with two pigeons pecking the ground in front of him for company. Passersby couldn't help but stare as they walked past, giving a wide berth.

I waved with a smile and cautiously crossed the bustling street to where he sat. The pigeons flew a few feet away and resumed their pecking.

"Did you seriously call me out here to play statue?"

He relaxed a little and smiled up at me. "You wouldn't have come if I had suggested that."

"You're right." I agreed and sat next to him, crossing my legs. "So why did you ask me to meet you here anyway?"

"I suppose I just wanted to make sure you aren't feeling neglected with all the work I've been handed recently. I've hardly seen you."

I sighed. "L, you were the one who focused on London. When you solve three cases in less than a day, of course they will ask for more help, but no, I haven't felt neglected. I am a big girl."

He pouted a little. "I thought you would have missed me."

I giggled. "Well Liam certainly doesn't. Maybe you should keep the computer use to a minimum at half three in the morning. The man's got to sleep, you know."

L thought on this for a moment. "Yes, I suppose I have been rather overdoing that. I will apologize."

"I think he's more annoyed that you can't tell him what you're working  _on._ " I explained as a brisk cold breeze rushed down the street and caused me to shiver.

"He wouldn't understand even if I did." L sighed, sliding closer to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You look cold." He informed me casually and I could barely breathe. Now the pedestrians were staring at the both of us. I looked forward at the famous building trying to make my smile less apparent.

"Just think." L commented, oblivious to my plight. "The people in Scotland Yard contact us in desperation and would never in a million years guess that the Detectives L and G that they seek are you and I sitting here on this bench."

"Yes," I answered him quietly. "I think most authorities believe I'm male. I've been called Sir on more than one occasion during communication."

"That's beneficial to keeping you safe." He pointed out, tightening his hold. The rush of blood to my cheeks was warming me just as much as his embrace.

"Er, true. Doesn't mean I have to like it. There are far too few famous female detectives. Well apart from Miss Marple, Nancy Drew and the like. It's like the best ones are fictional or something."

"You're not fictional."

It was ridiculous how happy that comment made me.

I watched the traffic pass and sighed contented.

"What is it?" he asked with a curious smile.

"Nothing really. I just feel completely at peace for the first time since I was a child. I feel free you know? Without a care." I settled back against his shoulder, closing my eyes.

"That, that is wonderful." L remarked softly. "You've really shone in this environment. You fit in so well. I was afraid you'd want to stay."

"I could never leave everyone. They need me as much as I need them." I opened my eyes to see L watching me with interest.

"This is true. You are needed. More than you know."

Touched, I smiled. "L, that's very sweet. Thank you."

He colored and looked ahead. "So, what are you doing this evening? I feel I can hold off on work for a little bit if you'd care to do something."

"Oh, well…I'm sorry, but I have other plans already."

Instantly, his at ease demeanor shifted and he went rigid. "Oh? With whom?"

I dropped my eyes. "Cay. I thought it would be nice to spend time with him. It's just some touristy stuff but I didn't want to be neglectful either."

"Yes." His tone was completely disaffected now as he removed his arm. "Can't have that."

I sat up disappointed. "L…"

"So this evening is Cay's, eh? Working your way through the alphabet then?" he stood up purposefully. "No matter. Let's go back. You don't want to be late for your beau."

I sank inside. "You're making too much of it, as usual."

"Oh am I? I'm sorry. I for one can't flit my way around London when there is work to be done." He shoved his hands forcefully into his pockets and briskly walked off, and I had no choice but to follow him to Peter's car idling at the curb.

He stood impatiently aside so I could step in first, then followed me, sitting in the far corner of the opposite seat. I groaned.

"So, it's going to be like that then, is it?  _L's Famous Silent Treatment_?"

He didn't deign to respond and turned his gaze toward the window. Oh, very mature.

"Ah! Gracie! What a surprise! Where to, kids?"

"Back to the Cornell residence, if you would please, Peter. Then I would like to check into the Savoy." L answered coolly. "The living arrangement doesn't seem to be working."

"That's where I wanted to stay!" I protested as our driver started down the street.

"Well Grace," L leaned forward, his expression cold. "To that I say, hard luck. We don't always get what we want, do we?"

I glared out the window thinking he was being absolutely everything Caleb had said about him and then some. "I believe I preferred you better when you were being silent."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Dream - Priscilla Ahn
> 
> New chapter song - Samsonite Man - Alicia Keys
> 
> As always , thanks for reading!


	37. Surveillance

**Chapter 37**.  **Surveillance**

**L Pov**

_I did not appreciate the way he looked at her. It was hopeful, protective, even at times enthralled. In short, it was exactly the same look I'd produce when I was unguarded. But I had a right to that expression. I had endured the tender feelings for far longer than this other man. This nobody, this_ _**thief** _ _._

_I was not a fool. Caleb Robert Templeton wanted to be merely friends with Grace like I simply wanted to shake his hand and wish him good luck in his endeavor. Absolutely and under all circumstances false. No one else could see his danger. Grace had doubled over with laughter when I told her of his previous criminal background which had troubled me._

"Criminal charges?" she repeated with a disbelieving grin two days previous. "I demand to know what."

"Well, in 1998, he was caught loitering outside of a chemist smoking a cigarette." I informed her with a burst of pride that her perfect bubble regarding him was about to burst.

"Good Lord! Take him away! Loitering? Smoking? That's all you've got?!" She didn't seem that appalled by my revelation. "I thought you were working whilst in London, not conducting background checks on my friends!"

"I'm surprised you hadn't done that yourself." I had shot back. "How are you to possibly know if he is to be trusted?"

"Well, I rely on intuition instead of criminal records to deem a person's worth." She explained, her smile fading as she hid her eyes from me. "That is if he ever is going to talk to me again, thanks to you."

"You shouldn't fraternize with lawbreakers anyhow. Remember who you are."

"Who am  _I_? I'm a woman who can't get any bloody peace!" She had let out a strangled scream and stalked out of the room. I couldn't understand her exasperation, but then again, there was much about Grace Deacon that I did not understand.

_Oh, but they had talked again and then some. I couldn't understand why she was blind to see that his moody, ignoring behavior had only been a ploy to lure her into his net. After all, this man was a salesman by trade. He had to know many tricks to get the end goal he sought. Profit at any cost, that was his type. I could see this plainly._

_Who was he, this upstart merchant, this boy of the streets, to feel that Grace was his to concern himself about? Did I need to tell him in no uncertain terms that she was supposed to belong to me? I felt foolish even thinking of the several ways a confrontation such as that would go and his reactions._

_A complete disregard for my professed feelings leading to_

_A physical fight where he would be drastically trounced by my skill in martial arts but cause Grace to despise me for causing him bodily harm and showing off as a result._

_A verbal argument in which an assault from my vastly superior reasoning would leave him wordless and unable to reply but would also come under the headline of "showing off" not furthering my suit at all with Grace._

_or_

_2\. Recognizing my perceived claim to her affections but still pushing ahead anyway resulting in_

_A. A physical fight previously described._

_B. A verbal fight previously forecasted._

_Nothing was producing a positive outcome. I did not have it in me to be kind and respectful of my rival, to allow him to take her out and simply hold on to the hope that she would realize on her own what a drastic mistake she was making-I didn't have that much patience._

_Which is why I enlisted help._

_"God, what did you do now?" Jude whined as we passed along the streets later that afternoon at a brisk pace. I had collected him at the Cornell residence a half hour before telling him that his assistance was needed desperately._

_It hadn't been wholly selfish on my part. Everyone had been making an effort to provide Jude with time to talk about his loss since the visit to that dreadful abbey, but he refused to speak any further about it. From then on, activities to keep him occupied had been the next attempt. The day before, he even had been strong armed into going with the women to watch Anne try on wedding gowns. I knew he hadn't been pleased about that one. He had mostly been infuriated that she hadn't ended up with a final choice and instead had left with a few maybes dancing around her head._

_Since it was a choice of either holding his hands apart while Mrs. Haypenny wound the yarn around them into a ball for her next afghan all evening or coming with me, he wisely chose the latter option._

_I stopped at a traffic light, my mission making me less affected by the roaring vehicles and crush of people. "I did nothing. I wished to get you out of the house for a bit. The girls said you still don't want to do anything. That everything they suggest to you is thoroughly rejected."_

_"Well, sorry but I don't want go to a stupid fair or see a film right now. And if I see another white dress in my life, I'm going to bloody scream." He snapped as the light still didn't turn. "Life kind of sucks."_

_I nodded with feeling. "Agreed, it does. Which is why I asked you to accompany me today. You may not want to do activities that can be construed as "fun", but you may wish to start training."_

_I thought of only this statement as his eyes found mine. "Training?" his voice betrayed a little excitement. "Like, detective stuff?"_

_"Precisely." The light changed and my protégé and I crossed the street, his step much more buoyant._

_"All right, if you think I'm ready. I mean, the others haven't gone out on any cases yet. Are you sure I won't mess things up?"_

_"You are superbly suited for this assignment, I assure you." I told him as we walked along the Thames. I noticed my suspect further up the street, popping off of a bus and holding out a hand which was grasped by an auburn-haired woman stepping off behind him in a fitted black coat and a knitted hat newly made for her by Mrs. Haypenny. She gave the tall man a friendly smile, letting go of his hand and then together they continued on ahead of us._

_Jude swore under his breath. I was pleased by the quickness of his mind. "Goddammit, L, how did I not see this coming?"_

_I glanced sideways at him, feeling my lip lifting up into a smirk. "Because your gift may be powerful, but there are ways to keep motives hidden from you." I had luckily learned of that in the last month after practice._

_He wasn't the least bit impressed or interested. "I don't want to stalk them. Be a weirdo yourself. I don't see why you can't let them have fun together. It's not like_ _**you** _ _ever show Grace a good time. You don't need to make everyone else miserable with you."_

_Crossly, I kept my focus on the two of them dawdling by a street vendor. Grace stood on her tiptoes peering into the man's aluminum cart. I grimaced. Was she really going to eat something so foul? She had a known delicate stomach. "I had a full intention to do that this evening, but she already was going out with him. I would have done anything she cared to, but she didn't choose me."_

_Jude groaned as Grace pointed to something in the cart with a noticeable laugh. "L, first of all, she had no way of knowing that was what you were planning. It's not like you're predictable. Second, you didn't give her a choice. Why isn't she allowed to have friends? You're really selfish." Templeton purchased two repulsive looking sausages wrapped in paper and handed one to Grace. She accepted it warily and made some comment of gratitude that made him beam. I found him completely a fool for buying something barely edible when such finer bakeries or chocolate shops were nearby. She was sure to be ill later consuming such sketchy food._

_"He is not a friend." I answered, gritting my teeth. "He's a threat."_

_Jude made a noise of scorn. "Why? Because he's nice to her? You should be happy that she's happy, instead of following them around like she's carrying explosives or something! Why don't you just let her go, L? It's obviously not working between you two anyway."_

_My glare in his direction was ferocious and unguarded. He backed up a few steps. "Because, I do_ _**not** _ _give up. I've waited far, far too long to step aside for any reason."_

_It was evident that Jude recognized the years I had silently stood by in his expression and rolled his eyes. "Geez. this is worse than I thought. You have her initial tattooed on you and you still meander around like she doesn't mean anything. Why don't you just tell her?! This is really getting dumb!"_

_"Oh what exactly am I supposed to say? "Grace, by the way, I love you?" She could laugh in my face. I won't tell her until I'm sure, until I'm one hundred percent certain that my advances won't be rejected."_

_"All right, what percent are you at now, then?" he asked rather patiently for him._

_I raised my thumbnail to my lips as the Usurper stopped to point out the Parliament buildings across the water to Grace. To her credit, she appeared impressed. "Thirty-three percent acceptance, sixty-six percent rejection."_

_Jude whistled between his teeth. "Right, what about the one percent left over?"_

_"That's Grace declaring herself before me. A very, very small likelihood of that, but I rounded up anyway. However, every moment that she's with him, my acceptance percentage decreases. It was at fifty percent before she came here."_

_"Well thirty-three is better than nothing, I reckon." My companion allowed but then turned to give me a frosty look. "But you better be expecting that number to drop like mad if she catches you following her."_

_"Catches me?" I chuckled mirthlessly. "I am going to make my presence known shortly."_

_He smacked his hand against his forehead. "God, you're the most mental person I've ever met!"_

_"You've obviously have not met many people in your short life." I winked at him as the other two sat down on a bench to eat the sausages. I stopped walking and moved into the shadow of a vendor selling wild Union Jack hats pulling the boy in behind me. "She refuses to listen to me about him. Since she continues to ignore me, I'll make it impossible to do so."_

_"He's going to kill you." Jude stated in a matter of fact tone as his eyes followed a fairly attractive girl skipping by with a grey and red balloon. "He already thinks you're the lowest of the low. This will make you the person he hates the most."_

_"Well, then shockingly, we may have something in common after all." I remarked as up ahead Grace took another bite of the variation of a hot dog in her hands and chewed it slowly. Her companion hadn't taken his eyes off her, which was most likely the reason she hadn't spit it out yet._

" _What's he thinking now?"_

_Jude stopped watching the girl to give me a pained look. "That's why you wanted me to come, isn't it? Well, hard luck. I'm not going to tell you."_

_I had expected such defiant behavior and rolled my eyes. "I meant can you tell through his behavior what his motives are? Consider it your first lesson if you must."_

_His attitude lessened and he looked back at them now standing up. "He thinks she's really clever, that's she's different from the girls he usually dates…"_

_"He'd be right about that." I brooded, the old dull ache returning to my heart._

_"If you'd let me finish, he looks like he's nervous but that he's excited about what's to come. And just so you know," he smirked. "He's not a horny bastard like you are about her."_

_I felt my skin flushing warm at his accusation. "I didn't need to know that. I didn't want you to use your ability in that exercise, just your eyes."_

_"But I use my eyes to see into people's thoughts." Jude protested, and I groaned._

_"Never mind, never mind. They're on the move. Let us be off."_

_"Really, the amount of time you spend thinking about her is unnatural." Jude joked as we kept a safe distance._

_"Based on what?" I snapped as Grace and Templeton got in the queue for the London Eye, a remarkably tall observation wheel that turned while revealing the city more with each climb of the cars._

_"Uh, every other guy's thoughts about people they like." He wrinkled his nose. "That and cake. Why do you think about cake so much? There's limits, mate."_

_I was finding myself more inclined to push him into the river if he carried on. "That is truly none of your business. Now come, we're taking a ride. My treat."_

_If Jude was capable of murder through his returning look, Grace would have succeeded me instantly. "I still can't believe you're making me do this." he grumbled. "A film sounds so much better right now."_

" _I'm not making you do anything, you wished for training. I'm showing you how to keep close tabs on someone."_

" _But it's someone we know, not a suspect!" Jude hissed as we lined up behind three other people. "Grace is guilty of nothing other than making you angry because for once she's putting herself first and having a nice time out with somebody. Instead of waiting for you to finally end all this bullshit which with all that percentage crap will take freaken years! And Caleb's done nothing either apart from being a good friend! That's not a crime."_

" _Caleb is an opportunist." I glowered as I watched him laugh with her. "Just like his calculating friends. Only he appears the most innocent even though he's more driven than the pair of them combined."_

" _God, L, seriously, those blokes like anything that moves. Caleb is_ nice _…he would be good for Grace to be around. Everyone thinks he's an all right chap."_

_"I don't care. When have I ever been swayed by others' opinions? People like me too."_

_"Not as many." Jude snorted and I thought back on one person who was on my side even if no one else was._

The Italian restaurant, less than a week in the past. Smells of cheese and tomato sauce drifting up from the tables, lively music and friends. One of whom was pulling up another to drag to the dance floor. I watched with amusement as Grace strode purposefully out to the polished wooden floor and began to dance with Liam, who seemed terrified. She did not even have to concentrate on her steps, it was effortless and she eyed Liam with a cool look as she thought of the first words to say to begin her interrogation. Even if she berated me endlessly, I would do anything to take his place. She was captivating.

"I'm so glad Gracie came out," Anne mused as she sat down in Grace's chair and watched the two of them. "She's always putting the kids' happiness and fun before her own. She deserves it!"

"Yes." I mumbled watching her face soften as she continued dancing with Liam. I wondered what they were talking about.

"And she looks so pretty tonight, doesn't she?"

"Mmm…yes.." I half replied transfixed on her twirls and laughs and red dress. I heard a slight giggle next to me and turned to Anne. "Did I say something humorous?"

"Just that you think Gracie's pretty." she replied lightly, her brown eyes twinkling. "You know what, L? I think you like her."

"Erm, why would you think that?"

"A lot of reasons." she sighed, and cruelly did not complete her thought.

Irritated at her comfort at leaving such a statement hanging in the air, I pressed her further. "Would you care to indulge me?"

She watched the dancers dreamily, her chin resting on her hand. "No, it's just a feeling."

Blast! "Right." I went back to emptying two sugar packets into my water.

"Okay, here's one reason" she eyed me with a knowing smile. "I think you were jealous of Andrew."

"Hargrove? Don't be absurd. I have more wealth than he does and I'm not a buffoon."

"It's not about money, L. You didn't like him because he was always hovering around Grace."

I coughed. "I simply could not see why she would keep him around. There are much more suitable suitors for her than that man."

"Like you?"

"Yes." It had left my lips before I could snatch it back. Anne's face went slack, then she punched me in the arm laughing. She was always a playful soul, but I hated to admit the blow had caused me some pain.

"I knew it! You fancy Gracie! I had said to her that you had changed a ton since you came back in the spring! What changed your mind?"

"Erm, I'd rather not say."

"Oh okay." she was respectful as always. "It's just so funny, when I think of how you two used to be enemies...and now!" she grinned at me. "Why don't you ask her to dance?"

"Oh, uh well…she might not care to."

"Of course she would!" she urged. "She doesn't want to dance with Lee all night you know."

The prospect was terrifying but irresistible at once. Instead of observing her from afar, to actually have to opportunity to dance with her. My many reservations started to diminish as I imagined the possibility of an acceptance. "Well, it would get Liam away from her game of fifty questions I suppose."

Anne laughed, her big eyes radiating with encouragement. "All right then, go get her!"

_I never thought a day would come when I wished Andrew Hargrove was still around but I'd take days more of his misguided attentions to Grace than see this usurper gazing down at her like she was the loveliest creature on Earth. He was so much more worrying._ _She smiled so much more in his presence than when she had endured the young lord's attentions._

_"You know, we still have time to leave them alone." Jude pushed as the line started to move and people were admitted to the oblong shaped cars. "She doesn't have to know you were ever here. I won't tell her."_

_I sighed as I took a mental note of which car Caleb and Grace boarded. "I'd feel better if we stayed."_

_I heard him curse more, causing the woman of about fifty behind us to gasp._

_"Young man, your language leaves little to be desired." She sniffed, and Jude didn't give her a very apologetic look._

_"I think my language proves what point I'm making. That I don't want to be here!" He said with a jerk of his chin and I pushed him ahead to the person taking tickets. A row with this fellow rider would make us conspicuous before I wanted to be._

_"Right up ahead, mind the step." The man told us as we were gestured to the almost full car ahead._

_I thanked him and reached the car's entrance, Jude ahead of me to keep a better eye on him. They were already comfortably settled inside with a trio of tourists talking in southern American accents seated on the center bench._

" _Bah!" A cantankerous elderly man complained. "When does this dern thing get movin' anyway?"_

_A soothing voice answered him as Jude stepped into the car, his shoulders slumped. "Soon, Pa. Look, we've got more passengers getting on first."_

_I took a deep breath and boarded as well, locking eyes with Grace across the car._

_"Great, just great." Her companion muttered shooting me a death glare which I ignored as I kept my focus._

_There was so much I wanted to say in my look. "Don't you see the lengths I will go to keep you protected? Why are you wasting your time with this stranger when I'm right here? Why, for God's sake, don't you consider me?" I'm not sure if any of that was conveyed because she turned her head furiously away from me as Jude and I stepped inside and stood across from them._

_The car was closed and we were lifted a few feet into the air as the next car was loaded. I settled back, happy my mission was a success, even if half the occupants of my car wished me gone._

_I knew I was about to hear a barrage of accusations from her lips, but didn't care about any of them. Because even if her look had turned angry at the sight of me, that wasn't her initial reaction. As our eyes had met, relief had sparked in them before that welcome emotion was vanished by coldness._

_I smiled to myself. If not for anything else, at least the percentage had risen again due to my stubborn behavior. I knew it was good for something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written listening to Crush by Gavin DeGraw
> 
> New song – Private Eyes – Hall and Oates
> 
> L takes overreaction to a whole new level – hope you enjoyed!


	38. Clarity

**Chapter 38. Clarity**

Anne would insist upon calling my spending time with Caleb a date, and I couldn't budge her.

"I bet he comes over here in different clothes." she teased at about fifteen minutes to five. "And he'll smell good."

I uncrossed my legs and then recrossed them, my fingertips running across the tweed fabric of the armchair.  _ **I**_ had changed, but I had drummed up the reason for that to be the fact that I had been thoroughly splashed by a muddy puddle due to L earlier when he had stomped out of the car at the Cornells, not because I was trying to impress anyone. "Well that's just because he's been working all day. I don't blame him one bit for wanting to put on clean clothes and spruce himself up a little. But it's not for me."

"Sure, Grace. Sure." Anne good naturedly rolled her eyes as Liam walked into the room despondent. "What's the matter, hun?" she asked him, touching his hand as he stopped by the sofa.

He sighed heavily. "I still can't believe L just left like that. I hope he didn't think I didn't want him here because of the insomnia thing. I just needed to sleep. He shouldn't have taken offense to that. Where will he go?"

Frustration filled me at the mention of that  _letter_ , that stubborn boychild who had stormed off because he didn't like the friends I kept. "Oh, don't worry about him. Really. It's not like he's shivering in a gutter somewhere. I promise."

No, he was likely in the lap of luxury surrounded by pastries baked by the phenomenal chefs at the Savoy without a care in the world. I wondered why he was bothering to stay in town anyway. It wasn't like he was worried about my well-being anymore. He might as well have gone on to Scotland at this point.

Liam looked a little less distraught. "Oh, well. Mum wants to make sure he's being well looked after. So, if you see him again, Grace, can you just tell her he's all right to ease her mind?"

"Well looked after?! Ha!" I laughed bitter and sharp as the doorbell rang.

Liam glanced at me confused but left us to go answer the door.

"You might want to tone the sarcasm down a bit, girl." Anne advised with a barely hidden smile. "People might get the impression that you miss him or something."

" _Miss_  him?!" my voice hit a higher pitch. "Anne, do be serious."

"Uh, hiya Gracie."

I jumped to my feet at the sound of the hearty, friendly voice filling the front room. Caleb stood next to Liam in a flannel shirt with a bottle green jumper layered over it and a fresh pair of trousers. I also couldn't deny that he did smell pleasant, a spicy, woodsy scent that suited him well. I hated it when Anne was right.

"Oh, hi Caleb. Uh, here already?"

Liam looked at me even more strangely. "He lives across the way!"

Caleb chuckled. "Yeah, already here. I can step outside and wait until exactly five to knock if you'd like me to."

I reddened and picked up my coat hanging over the chair. "Oh no, that's not needed. Shall we go, then?"

Caleb glanced around the room and then towards the kitchen and stairway. "Is it just you lot here?"

"L's not here, don't worry." Anne joked, sobering when I shot her a black look. "He took Jude out. Nan's meeting with Mrs. Soudery over at the park for their usual "stitch and bitch", Daisy and Paul went out for Tandoori, Jamie's working and Mitsi's doing a shop." She finished and took a needed breath. Anne had transplanted her skill of knowing the whereabouts of the Wammy kids at any time to her new location. I wasn't surprised at her success.

"Stitch and bitch?" Caleb and I repeated at the same time and Liam laughed.

"It's like their knitting club. It doesn't sound like it though, does it?"

"Well no." I started to put on my coat when I felt someone grabbing it behind me. I turned my head to see Caleb holding it open for me with a smile.

"Just giving you a hand, Gracie."

I refused to meet the telltale look in Anne's eyes as I allowed him to help me into my coat, blushing all the while. "Thanks."

"Not at all."

Anne and Liam followed us to the door arm in arm. "Have fun you two! And remember to behave now!"

I muttered a very insulting retort in Spanish and Caleb glanced at me in a variant of awe. "Wow Gracie, I didn't know you could speak other languages! How many do you know?"

Embarrassed, I walked beside him down the street. "Just a few really." Well, more than a few, but it wasn't like I wanted him to know that. I doubt he'd find me normal after the list.

The kids at the house still talked about the Trilingual Row of 2000. Of course, it was one of L's and mine, resulting from another of his inconsiderate comments that I had taken offense. The one that had caused the argument was his claim that no one thought that the Detective L is a female. I had of course claimed that the theoretical mysterious entity was sexless, and it didn't matter what it was as long as it got the job done. L had taken that rebuttal as an insult on his gender identity and claimed that he was just as much a man as anyone else.

The row in itself was pretty tame by our standards, but people still discussed it because it had been carried out in three different languages. First English, then I had begun disagreeing in Japanese, into which he followed suit, ending with us both fighting in Spanish. The final result was that it didn't matter who L was as long as he/she/they existed. Not that anyone understood the denouement of the row but us. Fritz had held his head between his hands and commented how we sounded like the bloody United Nations. Anne had said we had sounded like a good telenovela.

"Wow, that's really something." Caleb remarked as we stopped to wait for the bus. "Maybe you can teach me French sometime. I've always wanted to go to Paris. The markets there always looked like they would be worth the visit."

"Me too!" I cried with a grin. "It sounds so lovely."

"All those lights, twinkling like across the night. I gotta see that." He grew wistful as the red double-decker bus pulled up and we stepped on. "It's just something in life you can't miss."

"I couldn't agree more."

We made our way to the middle of the bus and sat down in a seat. "Well maybe we'll get to see it someday." He mentioned a little soft and I nervously slid closer to the window.

"Oh yes, Anne and Lee would love it too. And all the kids back home, it'd be such an adventure for everybody." Just not an excursion I would want to be the sole chaperone for.

"Right, everybody." His tone wasn't as jovial as before. "Er, you look real nice tonight."

I looked down at my coat quizzically, knowing he'd seen me in it before and he coughed and gestured toward my head. "Your hair, it's all springy and pretty round your shoulders like that."

"Oh!" I twisted a curl around my finger apprehensively then released it, realizing I probably looked like Near doing such a thing. "Thank you, it sort of just falls this way. It's a bit unmanageable, I'm afraid."

"Oh no, compared to others, you can't say that!" he chuckled again and I instantly knew who he was alluding to. He relaxed, looking around him with ease and I was called back to another bloody memory of that deserter. It seemed like no matter what I did, thoughts of him would not cease. It infuriated me to no end.

_In the summer, the kids tended to swim in the pond that ran along the back of the house. An entire day could be spent with five or so laughing children splashing in the water and a good book. Such a lovely warm day had been enjoyed a few months ago when the temperature had climbed._

_"It is far too hot out here for my skin." Near pointed out coldly since Mrs. C had demanded he join the others on the fine day by the water._

_I glanced up from under my floppy hat. "You're preaching to the choir. That's why you must come out prepared."_

_He grumbled and went back to the wooden puzzle in his hands. "The woman has no concern for a person's protection against harmful rays of sunlight. It's not as if I plan to swim in the water festering with living organisms."_

_I laughed at his disgusted look. "Just humor her, all right?"_

_His dark eyes narrowed. "You should be my ally in this matter, Grace."_

_"Sorry Near, I like the outdoors." I shrugged, taking off my hat and placing it on his head. "That might help a little."_

_His returning coldness was shadowed by the wide brim. "I didn't think you had allied with the devil incarnate. My mistake." He pulled himself up from the ground and stalked away from me, leaving the hat on as he sought an escape._

_"Hey, there old lady! Hand me my towel, will you?" Mello called evilly to him from the water where he and Matt stood shivering, their hair plastered to their heads. Near paused to observe them, then pulled the hat down tighter and continued on his way._

_"Makes me want to hide that boy's towel, being so facetious." I muttered as a shadow fell over me from the east. I looked up and gasped. A pale man stood there, his smooth black hair dripping onto the grass, a soaking black shirt clinging to his chest, a devilish smile playing on his lips. My heart stopped in my chest as I struggled to make sense of the tableau before me._

_"B-Beyond?!" I jumped to my feet, backing up a few steps, dropping my book in the process "Wh-what are you doing here? H-how did you get out of prison?!"_

_I might have deserved the laugh that followed my outburst as very black eyes twinkled at me. "So nice how you're always able to recognize me, G. Your deductive reasoning might need some work."_

_I picked up my book, trying my best to compose myself as L reached for Mello's towel hanging on a tree branch and dried himself off. "Good lord, you-you gave me a fright. I thought you were-"_

_"BB, yes I heard you. I think everyone did. I'll have to say, I'm very insulted."_

_"Well perhaps if you didn't wear white every day of your life I wouldn't have been so unprepared. And your hair that way…you really favored him for a moment." I rolled my eyes as I sat back down, watching him rub the towel in his hair. "And I thought you were supposed to be in Bei—"_

_"Beijing, yes I know. Well, the answer is that I_ _**was** _ _, but that case did not prove to be the time-consuming head scratcher it presented itself to be. So, I returned."_

_He had come back_ _**again?** _ _"I see. Personally, I don't think my deductive reasoning is that faulty if we also factor in the improb_ _ability of you returning twice this summer already rather than remaining in the field as you usually do." He began drying off his slightly muscular arms and I had to look down to hide the blush that was starting to build in my cheeks. "I didn't even see you out there. Do you have a private pool no one knows anything about? Nothing would surprise me of course."_

_He stopped his torture and smiled. "No, I don't care to swim in the company of others. There's an area across the water that I frequent when I wish to cool off. Very quiet and peaceful."_

_"Fine, brag all about it." I teased. "So, what are you doing on this side then?"_

_"Well when I'm not being mistaken for serial killers by my closest friend," he shot back with a wink. "I wanted to see if you'd like to come with me to swim."_

_I blushed further and looked down at my t-shirt and shorts. "Er, I'm not exactly suited for swimming."_

_"Like I am?" he held out his hands to show his shirt and waterlogged jeans. "I don't even own a suit."_

_"Once again I'm not surprised!" I laughed standing up. "All right, I'll come to see this special spot of yours, but don't expect me to go into that water crawling with living organisms."_

_He smirked as we started on our way. "You're starting to sound like Near."_

_"It was intended."_

"Gracie?! Hey Gracie?"

I shook myself out of that memory to see Caleb smiling at me standing up in the aisle. "We're here. We need to get off now."

I flushed and felt angry at myself for allowing that man to encroach my thoughts yet again. "Oh, right. Certainly."

I made a firm vow with myself to not think of him anymore while I enjoyed the evening with Caleb. Doing so would bring nothing but heartache and annoyance and that wasn't how I wanted to come off to Cay. He certainly deserved a cheerful friend instead of a stroppy bitter girl who couldn't stop thinking of a foolish, hardheaded friend of hers for five minutes.

* * *

Caleb handed our tickets to the middle-aged man running the attraction and paused to let me in ahead of him.

"You're in for a real treat, Gracie. You'll be able to see everything!" he assured me as we stood next to each other in the glass car of the London Eye.

"I must say, I'm excited." I smiled as a couple and an elderly man boarded as well.

"Hi, there!" The woman with a puffy, flaming red perm greeted us. Her accent was decidedly American Southern. "This is gonna be something, don't you think?"

"Oh, yes," I answered warmly. "It should be marvelous."

"What?! Dan, this girl talks British! Do you too, Honey?" She turned to Caleb.

Caleb shared a humorous look with me. "Uh, yeah?"

"Great! We'll get to ride the London Eye with some real natives! I'm Polly, this is my hubby, Dan, and this here is Pa, my father-in-law. We've come all the way from El Paso, Texas!"

Dan quietly said hello and went back to fiddling with his camera. Pa gave us a hard look.

"I thought only us were going on this ride, woman." He grumbled.

"Oh, Pa, hush. What are your names?"

"I'm Grace, and this is Caleb." I introduced us, shaking Polly's hand.

"Aw, how sweet! Are y'all here on a date?"

I was about to answer when Caleb confirmed her suspicions. "You could say so."

"Ah, well, we won't interrupt you too much. You hear me, Pa? Don't bother Grace and Caleb too much, now. They're on a date."

"Who?" Pa snapped.

"Grace and Caleb. Right over there, see?"

Caleb gave a little wave.

"Bah!" Pa dismissed us and checked his watch. "When does this dern thing get movin' anyway?"

"Soon, Pa. Look, we've got more passengers getting on first."

My heart dropped down to my socks when I locked eyes with a guilty looking Jude stepping into the pod. Could this really be happening? Were the fates truly having a field day at my expense?

"Sorry," he mouthed, rolling his eyes as L strolled in behind him, looking determined to ruin my day. What was he  _doing_ here? Had he really been following me all this time? I had to admit, it made me feel better than thinking he had just abandoned me for the high life, but it infuriated me nonetheless.

"Great, just great." Caleb groaned as Jude stood on the opposite side of me near Pa. L joined him and I turned away.

"Ah! More kiddos!" Polly was delighted. "Now where are y'all from? What are your names?"

"I'm Elliott and this is my brother, Jude." L introduced them, shooting Caleb a menacing glare.

"That kid's got funny lookin' hair." Pa noted loudly to Dan taking in Jude. Then he noticed L. "Jesus! They both do!"

"What exactly are you doing here?" I hissed as L took a chocolate bar out of his pocket and began to open the wrapper.

He turned to me calmly. "Sightseeing. Is there a problem with that?"

"You  _hate_  sightseeing. In fact, you hate being in public at all, which makes your casual presence here very suspect."

"There's always a first time!" he shrugged biting into the chocolate. "Playing tourist seems rather diverting."

"Except you've never wanted to do this before."

"Like I said, first time for everything."

"Do y'all know each other?" Polly was intrigued.

"Yeah," Jude sighed. "We're crashing their date."

L gave him a fierce look, and Caleb snapped, "He's not wrong."

"I...like...architecture." L responded succinctly, and Caleb let out a noise of disbelief.

"Bullocks!"

The glares being thrown across the car weren't abating, and I felt terrible for the innocent people caught in the crossfire of our nonsense.

"Well! Here we all are on this great ride!" Nothing could stifle Polly's enthusiasm. "I hope everyone brought their cameras!"

I gave L a look. "Yes, where's yours?"

He blinked. "I did not bring one."

Jude snorted.

"Why wouldn't you bring a camera on a tourist attraction if you aren't here to spy on us?" Caleb challenged.

"I have a photographic memory." L was ready with his answer. "I'm taking pictures as we speak." His dark eyes found me for a prolonged moment. "There's another one."

I crossed my arms, not letting his stare get to me. "Don't you have a hotel to be checking into right about now?"

"No need. The room's already taken care of. Would you like a private tour later?"

I thought Caleb was going to dive for his throat with the way he tensed beside me. "That's no way to talk to Gracie!" he thundered. "Treat her with respect or so help me…"

Jude was watching Caleb intently and spoke to L. "You might want to lay off just a little. He wants to throw you through the glass right now."

I could see that L didn't understand Caleb's anger and raised my voice. "No thanks. After all, it's just countless hotel room after hotel room isn't it?"

L didn't like my retort and went back to his snack. That is until he noticed Pa still staring at him from the bench now licking his lips. "Er, may I be of assistance?" he asked a little wary.

Polly chuckled. "Don't mind him, Hun! Pa here's on a no sugar diet right now. Doctor's orders. Sometimes he just gets to yearning for a taste."

L's face became crestfallen. "No sugar? How dreadful. How incomprehensible. How barbaric."

"You got it, kid!" Pa grumbled giving Polly a dark look.

I watched L look down at his half-eaten Mars bar, then back up at the elderly man. His fingers broke off a hunk of chocolate and he quietly shuffled across to the Americans, handing Pa the piece. "I do not mind sharing." His eyes lowered at Caleb. " _Some_ things."

The sugar deprived man looked up at his savior with shining eyes. "Thank you kindly, young man. You're truly a credit to your country."

Polly sighed as her father-in-law popping the sweets in his mouth. "Now what am I supposed to tell Dr. Allen back home? If he finds out…"

"Uh, he doesn't have to know." Jude suggested as L rejoined him. "Just say that he sneaked it without your knowing about it. He already has that habit, doesn't he?"

Pa may have become friends with L but he certainly didn't like Jude. "How in tarnation did you know that? You readin' my mind or something?" he demanded through his mouth full of chocolate.

I giggled abruptly and covered my mouth. I noticed L smile at me and blushed again turning to see the city present more of itself as we were lifted higher into the air. London was the only city I had ever seen besides Winchester and I found it absolutely breathtaking.

"Oh I say," I whispered taking in the dome of Saint Paul's Cathedral. Knowing I'd promised Anne I'd take pictures, I reached into my purse for Liam's camera. I pressed the power button and waited for it to warm up.

Caleb's arm wrapped over my shoulder and I leaned forward, tiring of the games the boys were both playing. "Lovely, ain't it? Always reminds me of that song from Mary Poppins. You know, the bird song?"

I smiled a little as I focused my picture of the cathedral from our perch. "The one about feeding them?"

"Yeah, how does it go again?"

" _ **FEED THE LITTLE BIRDS, TUPPENCE A BAG, TUPPENCE, TUPPENCE, TUPPENCE A BAG!"**_ A strong boisterous tenor rose up through the car, causing the camera to almost slip out of my hands. Wide eyed we noticed it had come from the unassuming Dan now taking a picture from his side.

Polly's face was bright with pride. "My hubby's got some pipes, doesn't he?"

"You could say that." L was a bit shaken by the noise, though his eyes hadn't left where Caleb's arm rested.

I tried to hide my grin as I looked down at the picture I took. A photographer I was not, but at least the famous church was identifiable. I hit the forward button and saw a picture of the house and Ella singing. My heart filled a little with the thought of the poppet. I made a mental note to find her the prettiest doll in town to add to her tea party guests. Then one of Anne and Liam grinning by the staircase, a half completed white puzzle at their feet. I wondered if they had actually commissioned Near to take it or he had just abandoned his play things as usual. Next was the one I took of them by the topiary bush that night before dinner, then the one of Anne and me with our smiles very different. I only glanced at Fritz and Jinya's antics for a second before reaching the next picture. The one that changed everything.

It was a candid shot taken in the foyer of Carabelli's restaurant. A couple stood together rather close, the girl's hands finishing up tying a tie and the boy gazing down at her so privately, so intimately, it couldn't be ignored that he found something special about her. Her returning look was just as open, as frightened, as utterly lost as his. These two people evidently cared about each other in their own funny way, there was no disguising it.

I looked up wordlessly at that same boy hunched over by the windows, still glaring at Caleb and everything became clear. It wasn't just childish jealousy of me having another friend. It was profound envy that I wanted to be in company of another man. Another man not him.

"Oh my God." The words burst from my mouth as the puzzle was finally solved. Jude took me in confused, but then a broad smile appeared. Oh God, he had just confirmed it.

L's eyes shifted to mine with concern and I felt the rush of realization again. All the nonsense, the silly games, the huffiness at the thought of Caleb or Andrew, the text messages, his secret smiles, the possessiveness, the look in his eyes when his duffle bag hit the floor of the foyer after coming home from a mission. It wasn't just because he was finally home. It was because of who was there.

I gave him a shaky smile back and he smirked. Things were going to be a little different now.

If we ever got off the ride that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Chapter Song – "Decode" by Paramore
> 
> New chap song – Never Wanted Your Love - She & Him


	39. Reluctance

**39.** **Reluctance**

I stared around the cabin blankly, my brain still processing each moment. Each look, each casual touch. How could I have been so frustratingly blind? How would I retain my composure in this setting when all I wanted to do was kiss him quite forcefully and finally hear the words I could already imagine him say:

_"Grace, it's amusing, I know. The two of us coming together like this, but I must say that since I came home in the Spring, my feelings have changed towards you. I find myself wishing to be in your presence more often, to feel you in my arms, to tell you finally that…_

"Grace, you don't look well. Are you about to be ill?"

My distant gaze fell on L now appearing anxious and my eyes widened. Thank God he wasn't Jude.

I opened my mouth to protest and Polly's sympathetic crooning cut me off. "Aw, the poor girl's got a little motion sickness. Honey, the best thing to do for that is to put your head between your legs and breathe real deep!"

I turned to assure her that I had no need of such maneuvers and Pa noticed my supposed plight. "She does look a little green around the gills. Hey, sonny, give her some of your chocolate bar, that'll help her out!"

"What is this, Harry Potter?" Jude snorted sitting back and crossing his arms, not even bothering to take in the sights. "Since when does chocolate make everything better?"

L and Pa turned to answer him automatically. "Always."

"I-I assure you I do not need anything." I finally found my voice as Caleb's arm wrapped tighter around my shoulders. I suddenly felt much worse.

"Aw Gracie, I should have asked if you get poorly on rides before I got you up here, really." He handed me a white paper bag with an understanding smile. "If you need to be sick, you can do it right in here."

"Oh for God's sake." Jude groaned as I feebly pushed the bag away. At least he understood. "She's not going to be sick!"

"You can't be sure, mate." Caleb answered patiently. "I've seen plenty of people go all ashen like before they got ill. We shouldn't take any chances."

"You've never suffered from motion related nausea before, G." L added his opinion, leaning forward. I could almost see the wheels turning behind his inquisitive eyes. "It must be something else that's causing your symptoms. Like… the company you're currently keeping."

Caleb crushed the bag in his hand "What is that supposed to mean? She was doing fine until you crashed our date! I'd say you're the one making her feel iffy, not me!"

L tilted his head to the side, his expression completely patronizing. "Well I personally possess a frame of reference of Grace's health for almost twenty years. You have one of, what is it, three days? I'm not inclined to believe you."

Caleb huffed and threw the remnants of the sick bag on the floor. "I know enough about her to see when she doesn't want you around. But here you are anyway, turning up like a bad penny like usual."

"I'd rather be useable currency then be unnecessary." L's cool retort followed, and Caleb looked ready to get up out of his seat and do just as Jude had forecasted. I desperately hoped the glass we were enclosed in was fortified.

"Now listen here,  _Elliott_ , I've kept my thoughts and comments about you to myself because you mean something to the girls. But you can't be so bloody offensive without some repercussions! I'm going to tell you what I think of you for once and for all!"

I cringed, wishing they'd both stop, but L relaxed and gave him a sardonic smile. "Proceed. I promise every insult you hurl at me will not be original. Not that I'd expect creativity from a market merchant."

Caleb was turning purple when a sharp piercing whistle rose up above the din followed by Polly's voice. "Boys, boys! Neither of you are going to make her feel better with all this carrying on! Now, cut it out!

L and Caleb stopped abruptly, staring at the determined woman.

"That's my Pol. A little hellcat." Dan murmured with admiration and I saw Jude pull a face. I feared a bad mental image for him and tugged on Caleb's sleeve to make him return to the window.

"Cay, please stop this. I'm not going to be sick, I'm just a little tired, is all."

His blue eyes lost their murderous look as he smiled. "Oh, I see, luv. Well let's have a seat and you can rest your head down on my shoulder for a bit. That should do the trick."

"Ah, that's better." Polly approved as Caleb adjusted his position to accommodate my head on his broad shoulder as we settled down on the other end of the bench. I dared not look at L. I planned to rest there for a few moments, declare how much better I felt and put an end to all the madness. At least the madness regarding the others. The torrent of thoughts my mind was experiencing was another affair entirely.

"Would you like a lullaby?" Dan asked hopefully, receiving a resounding no in response from Jude, L, Caleb and Pa.

"Nobody wants to hear your hootin' and hollerin' right now, boy." Pa muttered, licking a dribble of chocolate from his fingertip. "How's that gonna help?"

"Well we know Gracie can do a wicked " _Rule Britannia_."" Caleb joked softly as my eyes closed. "But that's not going to help here."

I was relaxing quite comfortably until I heard L chuckle. "What are you on about now? Grace can't sing."

My eyes flew open and I groaned. It was true, I was proficient in dance but absolutely not in song. I still felt terribly sorry for the patrons at the pub a few nights previous. I only prayed that they were so inebriated that they had thought I sounded better than I did.

I felt Caleb tense beside me. "She sings like a bird. The whole pub was charmed! You really should think before you speak."

"Then the people frequenting this public house including yourself must have been sloshed out of their minds to find Grace's singing pleasant. Our music master gave her lesson after lesson but to no avail. She will even admit it herself." L shrugged and I looked up at Caleb in an effort to smooth things over before he dove for L's throat.

"It's true, Cay, I can't carry a tune in a bucket as the saying goes."

Caleb's lips were formed in a straight line, but they perked up at my words, "Well I think you sounded lovely. Everything about that night was lovely."

I blushed a little and raised my head, sitting upright again. "That's er very sweet. Thank you."

L cleared his throat and changed his position as we finally started descending. "I find it amusing, Grace, how you raise holy hell if  _I_ tell you a half-truth but he can lie blatantly to your face and it's  _very sweet_." L's look was so petulant I almost laughed. "That's a bit of a double standard."

"Caleb's lie was more flattering." I answered in a semblance of humor. I hoped my ability to tease him wouldn't disappear with my revelation. I would dearly miss that.

Jude sighed gustily and finally peered out the windows. "I hope this ride is almost over, I can't take too much more of this."

 _Neither can I, Jude_. I thought to myself feeling my stomach start churning after all.  _Neither can I._

The rest of the ride was mainly in silence from our side of the car. Caleb kept his arm around my shoulders and questioned me as to why I hadn't taken any more pictures. I couldn't tell him that I had had seen far too much on that camera today already and said something about not feeling up to it instead. Jude seemed extra irritated, likely from Pa's returning scowl and L stood nibbling on his thumbnail, glancing every so often our way to see if Caleb had moved any closer and then around the rest of the cabin in quiet observation.

"They're letting people off!" Jude cried then, almost gleeful as he looked down below us. "We're almost to the bottom!"

Polly sighed and put her camera away, nudging a sleeping Dan. "Well that was one heck of a sky view tour, hey kids?"

"Fascinating." I mumbled, still completely at a loss of what to do about the situation I was in. It wasn't like I could walk up to L and say, "I think we have a lot to talk about." with Cay standing there. I bit my lip, sighing. One thing I realized about myself was that I was too bloody nice and far too polite. Upon quickly reviewing all of my options, I determined that it was only right to continue the date as Caleb insisted upon calling it and I would just leave the moment I longed for for a later time. After all, I had waited months, how could a few more hours or days hurt?

I watched L's impatient eye fall on me and felt the electricity once more.  _We were so foolish!_ I longed to cry out.  _How long have we hidden these feelings? Can't you see the way I look at you now that my heart is yours?_

He lowered his hand and opened his mouth to speak.  _Yes, this might be it!_  I thought with fresh excitement. "G, you look so uncomfortable it's troubling me. You do know eating from street vendors is not a good idea. Are you going to be sick after all?"

I didn't mean to make my exasperated groan so loud, but everyone turned to me at the sound of it.  _Or maybe not._

The car slowed to a stop with a whoosh. I stood up and delicately stepped out of Caleb's hold, happy to be on solid ground again.

"Finally." Jude muttered, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt back over his hair. "I don't dig heights. Too high."

Dan laughed loudly at that one as he and Polly followed Jude off the car.

L shoved his hands in his pockets gauging me. "So where are we off to now?" he asked, sounding far too interested. He couldn't be serious

Caleb sighed as we waited for Pa to pass us. "I don't know what your game is, Elliott, but you're not invited."

L smirked and I couldn't help being put off by his superior manner like I always had. "We shall see about that." He then sloped out of the car quite casually, not in the least bit caring that I now dealt with a very offended six foot two Englishman.

"I really don't know who he thinks he is, Gracie." Caleb complained through clenched teeth. "It's bloody difficult to be cordial when he's not even  _trying_  to return the favor."

"Just ignore him." I comforted as we made our way outside. An interesting suggestion coming from me at that point. How was I supposed to ignore the man I wanted more than anything? It would be a tremendous feat to accomplish and one I really had no desire to do.

We followed the path to the exit and met the rest of our party there. Polly and Dan arm in arm, Jude wanting to be anywhere else, Pa stretching out his back and L waiting earnestly.

"Didn't think you'd lose me, did you?" he asked in a surprisingly affable way. "My entire evening is free, Grace, what is next on the agenda?"

I opened my mouth to answer and Pa stepped up to L co-conspiratorially. "So kid, you have to know the place to get the good stuff, dontcha?"

L blinked. "Are you referring to where to purchase illegal drugs?"

"Naw!" Pa slapped his knee and laughed like a tea kettle. "I mean the real good stuff. Stuff that'll knock you off your feet, send you six ways to Sunday, chocolate, coconut, butterscotch...anything!"

L relaxed. "Oh, in that case…"

That was all I heard as Caleb grabbed my hand and determinedly took off toward the bus unloading at the corner.

"CAY!" I shrieked as we dodged two pedestrians in his urgency. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

We made it to the bus and climbed on, Cay quickly swiping his travel card twice and pulling me down into a seat. Catching my breath, I looked back to see Jude and Polly waving at us from half a block away. L's expression was too far away to make out but I knew it couldn't be very thrilled.

My heart was racing as Caleb grinned at me, the bus taking off down the street. "An escape!" He announced triumphantly. "I'm not letting him ruin our night. I may not know you that well Gracie, but I'm sure you didn't want him being the third wheel. Let him go bother someone else."

"Caleb, I should tell you that he'll likely find us."

His look was slightly disappointed, but he scoffed. "Just because he finds treasures and what not in his work doesn't mean he's good at locating people."

I had to hold back a laugh.  _But I am_  didn't seem like a good reply, not with Liam still recovering over learning L's identity. "I didn't mean that. The bus' destination was right on the back. If he wants to, he can just take a taxi to that location."

"Oh Gracie, he wouldn't do  _that."_ Caleb chuckled a little then stopped. "Would he?"

I started giggling then and couldn't stop, Caleb joined me soon after, the other occupants of the bus turning around to look at us. It seemed we were garnering attention wherever we went. I opened my eyes after a rather prolonged giggle fit and was struck by his thoughtful, intent expression.

"What is it?" I asked quietly when his gaze didn't abate.

He shook his head, smiling. "You know those moments when everything is perfect and all you feel is this amazing warmth inside you that you want to preserve forever?"

I had had quite a few of those in my life and nodded. "I do."

"Yeah, well I think right now is one of those moments." He confessed shyly and leaned back against the seat. "I didn't think they could happen as a grown up. All my memories are of the blokes, y'know as kids when we caused mayhem and destruction everywhere. But, luv, I think this time, right here right now is one of those moments too. I hope it doesn't end."

The moment was wrenched from being the happy sunny feeling Caleb was being poetic about to being a dreadful creeping over my heart at the thought of hurting this person. Perhaps I had wrongly judged the continuing the evening after all.

"What a nice thing to say." I answered pleasantly, genially squeezing his hand, which turned into a problem when he wouldn't let it go.

"Gracie?"

"Erm, yes?" His hand was rough but warm.

His crystal blue eyes locked on mine. "Why doesn't he get the hint that you don't want him around?"

The warmth I felt now had nothing to do with his skin temperature. Leaving him outside the London Eye seemed even harder now. What on earth could he be thinking? What if he got so angry that he went away again? Pain struck me, and I hated that the thought came to my head. What if he never came back?

"Gracie?" Caleb asked again, shaking me out of my reverie.

"Oh! I'm sorry. Well I can't help that he decided to take Jude out at the same time in the same place as me, can I?"

He frowned, and it was an expression that I didn't care to see on his kind face. "You can't mean that you think it was all a coincidence. He  _followed_  us!"

I turned my head to the side and gave him my best patronizing look. "Now, we have no evidence of that." Good lord, so he had.

He rubbed his beard with his other hand as more passengers boarded, one being an elderly woman with a rickety rolling cart. She appeared to have a little trouble maneuvering the thing up the aisle to an empty seat and Caleb released me so that he could help her. I watched him with a fond smile. He truly was a lovely person and if I wasn't ridiculously in love with an offbeat genius with some very odd habits I'd be very lucky indeed. As it were, however…

Caleb sat back down after the woman was comfortably situated, eager to continue our conversation. the quizzical look still in his eyes "No evidence?! He even got into the same car as us and Jude announced to all that they were crashing our date. Then he knew we had sausages before getting on the Eye! It was creepy!"

All right, there was evidence. Rather unsettling evidence at that. I tried another tack. "Well, they are my friends. I like to spend time with them as well."

Now Caleb's eyes widened even more. "But you were furious he was there! In fact, I wager the only reason you even  _tolerated_  his presence was because we were high up in the air and you had no choice!"

He was right, my previous and current behavior was completely incongruent. I flashed him a winning smile. "Well I'm here with  _you_  now, aren't I?"

His grin reappeared with a vengeance. "Right. This is going to be our stop. C'mon, luv."

I couldn't do anything but follow him.

* * *

Another bus, later that night heading home. I was worried why L hadn't found us in the hip coffee bar where a girl had strummed a guitar and sang of love and loss and the government. Caleb hadn't seemed to mind the lack of interruption and we had spent the evening talking of our childhoods and past glories.

I learned that Jamie's mum was his mum's best friend and Daisy and Wood's mum had the same relationship. When the boys were all born within a year of each other there was no doubt that they were going to be as close as their mothers were. He had said it helped growing up where they did to have a strong family base and supportive mates, things could have been a fair deal worse for them without those blessings. I had agreed and spoke of the House and how I tried my best to keep an eye on all of the children. Being all orphans and clever to boot, their futures could have taken a drastic turn without intervention. Apart from Beyond of course, but it wasn't like I was free to talk about that or cared to.

"Hey,"

I turned away from the window to see Caleb looking curious again. "When's your birthday? I can't believe I haven't asked!"

I wasn't about to say tomorrow, even though it was. October 31st, same as L's. "February 5th. When is yours?"

"May 4th." His grin was wide. "Born close enough to hear the bells."

"Yes, quite."

As the corner of Liam's street came into view, the bus driver braked and swung open the doors. "Have a good night, kids." He called cheerily as we stepped off and we were left on the lonely street. It was after eleven thirty.

"Well," I began, a bit unnerved at the look he was giving me. "I had a smashing time, Cay, this was fun."

He was rubbing the back of his neck and I became distinctly worried. He was preparing to say something, something I was sure was going to backfire. Suddenly he reached for one of my hands enclosing it between both of his. He held on despite my surprise and gave me a nervous smile.

"Gracie, I've got to tell you. I really haven't stopped thinking about you. When you thought I didn't want to be around you, well that couldn't be further from the truth. I think you are sweet and clever and nothing would make me happier than to see more of you, to get to spend more time together. What do you think of that?"

I gaped at him, my heart pounding. He gazed back at me, innocent and true. I chose my words carefully. "Caleb, you're very kind, and I enjoy our time together, but…"

"You're the sort of girl that should only have happiness, you know? Who should wake up smiling, feeling special because someone does everything they can to make that so." Sincerely he moved one hand to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'd like to be that bloke for you."

I dropped my eyes, ashamed at allowing him to be so near. "Cay, really. I cannot…"

"Gracie," he was coming closer with a more engaging smile. "You like being around me, don't you?"

"Well of course I do, er, you're wonderful Caleb, just…"

"So why don't you give us a chance, eh? Don't be afraid now." He was approaching even more. I backed up a few steps, still staring at the pavement.

I finally looked up to see him looking contrite.

"I'm sorry, of course I wouldn't want to move things too fast. That was dumb of me. But I like you, Gracie. I know we're really different, but..but I think we value the same things. Family, friends, honesty…something tells me that we're right for each other, but how do you feel?"

"Oh God, Caleb." I shook my head, emotions building inside me, surging to the surface. "Please don't…"

He paused in his ministrations to eye me confused. "Why not, luv?"

I wrapped my arms around my chest and stared purposefully down at his black and white trainers, one shoelace undone. "Because…because you won't be happy if you pursue this."

He let out a noise of protestation. "That's not true, Gracie. I think we've got a very good chance at happiness if we give it a go. Winchester isn't that far away, Annie and Lee make it work, don't they? Why won't we be happy?"

Oh God, was he going to make me  _say it?_  "Caleb, please. It won't work...because I'm in love with someone else." I mumbled the last bit, fighting back tears.

I could sense him deflate beside me. This was horrible. "Oh, that Andrew fellow Annie was talking about? I didn't know, I thought you didn't like him, said he gave you a headache."

"No, not Andrew," my voice came out in a rasp. "Someone else."

"Someone else." He repeated, likely considering Jamie and Wood. "Well, I understand, Gracie, really I do. You'd be in safe hands with any mate of mine."

"He's…he's not a mate of yours, Cay."

I reluctantly looked up to see the disappointment in his eyes transform into anger. "No…" he backed up several steps. "Not him. Don't tell me it's him. You're in love with  _ **him?**_ **!"**

He spoke with so much venom I almost wanted to deny it but couldn't. "You can't help who you love, Cay."

"This is unbelievable!" he cried out running his hands through his hair. "Grace, I can tell you now, just in case you're wondering That sod doesn't love  _ **you**_ _._ No one would treat someone the way he does if he loved them! Ugh, I know his type through and through. He's inappropriate, insulting, immature-this, this is why you can't let him go? You and he are nothing alike!"

His words were so matter of fact, I felt the tears spill over.

"Caleb, enough." I whispered as he groaned and sat down on the curb. I watched as he lit a cigarette and took several shaking drags as he sat in seething silence. The smoke rose and mingled with the chilly night air.

Evidently, he wasn't done. "Why, tell me why someone like  _ **that**_ , so arrogant, so cold, so strange would be who you love. You're none of those things! Do you  _ **want**_  to be miserable, Grace? Because that's all you'll be. You don't deserve that. He doesn't care about anything—nothing that doesn't serve his own purpose!"

I wanted to defend him, to tell of the amazing amount of good he'd done in the world for over ten years, that he had just come off the negative way Caleb perceived, but it wasn't who he was, but I couldn't. I just had to look like a foolish girl making the wrong choice for the wrong man. I never hated the L secret more than that moment. I stared at him with sorrow. "I'm sorry."

He knew he wasn't going to sway me and stood up abruptly, grounding out the cigarette butt with the heel of his trainer. "Right, right. Well I'd better walk you back." He started down the street and I called after him.

"Cay, if you're angry at me, fine. But let us part as friends."

He stopped and took a moment before he turned to face me. "I'm supposed to stand aside and watch your heart be broken?" he asked as bitter as he could muster.

I sighed. "If that's what's going to happen, it's going to whether you stand by my side or not. The choice is yours, I suppose."

The gentle blue eyes I'd grown so accustomed to hardened to steel. He cleared his throat and continued to walk. "I don't know, Grace. That might be asking too much of me. But if I can't convince my own mum that the men she sees are going to hurt her I don't know why I would think a girl I just met would."

I struggled with the knot in my throat and followed him like an errant child just scolded. There was nothing else I could say.

We reached the door of the house, the lights off everywhere save for the room Anne and I shared. She was likely waiting up to hear how everything was _. "Oh well it was lovely until I tore Caleb's heart in two and stamped on the pieces. How was your evening? "_

"Do you have a key?" he asked brusquely then as we passed through the gate.

"Er, yes. Just for tonight anyway." I found it in my purse and hesitated to open the door. I turned to Caleb and tried again. "I'm sorry that people you care about have been hurt. But don't worry about me, please. I will be all right. There's more to me than you know."

It was too dark to see his reaction to that but he coughed. "Get on inside before they start worrying about you."

I nodded, placing the key in the lock. "All right." His hand fell on top of mine before I could turn the key. Quizzically I looked into his eyes and waited.

"He's the luckiest sod on the face of the earth, but I won't punish you for what you can't control. I just hope that you can be happy with your choice."

I wrapped my arms around his waist in a wordless moment. "Thank you."

He hugged me back. "Now go before they put you on the missing persons list."

I smiled a little as I left him and entered the house.

"You're back."

I nearly jumped out of my skin to see Jude standing in the light of the kitchen with some massive snack. "Yes, I'm back. Sorry for all that nonsense, Jude. We'll be going back to Wammy's soon."

"Yeah, well  _we_  are." He allowed taking a bite of his concoction. In the dim light it looked like mashed potatoes and peas. "But he isn't."

My heart sank as I fell back against the couch. "What do you mean  _he_  isn't? Not another bloody case."

He shrugged. "More like  _cases,_ I reckon. Said something about cases not solving themselves, but he was thinking of making a headquarters in some other location and working from there. Why did you run off like that, Grace? Don't you know the amount of grief I had to put up with because Caleb dragged you off? My head's still ringing from it!"

I felt weak as I imagined a Wammy's without L. One where he never came home again after cases, one where I couldn't sit in the great room sipping wine with him typing close by. It wouldn't be home anymore.

I pushed myself up from the couch back and strode into the kitchen, Jude following me. "What are you doing?" he demanded as I pulled out a phone directory and began hunting for a number.

"I'm calling a cab and keeping that foolish, pig-headed man from doing this, that's what I'm doing." I came across a local cab company and reached for the phone. "If he's even there anymore."

"You don't need to call a cab." Jude shook his head. "Peter's in the pub down the road. I told him you might need a ride later."

I threw my arms around that blue haired boy and squeezed him to an inch of his life. "Hey, watch it! I'm going to drop my food!" he complained as I let him go and kissed his cheek.

"You are a remarkable young man." I informed him, proudly. "Don't let anyone tell you different."

"Yeah yeah, I'm brilliant, get going." Jude rolled his eyes starting up the stairs to his room. "Just doing my part to end this whacked out love story."

I left the house laughing and hurried down the street to the pub. L couldn't leave now, not after all that had happened, all that we had shared. I was happy Jude wasn't immune to sentimental nonsense after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter – Chasing Pavements –Adele
> 
> New chapter song - Why Does It Always Rain on Me? - Travis
> 
> Comments are appreciated! I love to know what you think!


	40. Pure Imagination

**Chapter 40. Pure Imagination**

" _ **Baby, now that I found you**_

_**I can't let you go** _

_**I'll build my world around you** _

_**I need you so** _

_**Baby even though...you don't need me, you don't neeeed me!"** _

"Do you know if he's left yet, Peter?!" I raised my voice anxiously as we drove down the brightly lit Strand in the West End. I sat beside him in the passenger's seat, knowing I'd lose my mind in the back without company. I already was a wreck. What was L playing at, considering leaving Wammy's to go work somewhere else? Would Wammy go with him? Did he expect him to? What would that mean for the rest of the kids?

Peter smiled as his head bopped to the sixties song blaring on the stereo. Now I knew why he always looked so happy up in the front seat. The volume of his music drowned out anything else. "I don't reckon so, Gracie! I wasn't asked to transport him anywhere!"

"Oh right!" I shouted back, wondering why he didn't just turn the volume down. "He's definitely still at the Savoy, then?!"

"I'm almost certain!"

The famous hotel came into view with its liveried doorman in caps greeting late arriving guests under the dark gold roofed entrance. L did like to travel in style.

"I'm staying at the place down the way!" Peter called as he pulled up behind a limousine where a silver haired woman draped in furs was led by a man in a long black coat. "I can't bear to be fussed about in a swanky place like this, so when you need me to get you back to where you are staying, just ring me. All right, dear?!"

"Very well. I shan't phone you late tonight, I promise!"

"Ah, that's all right!" he answered jovially as an attendant opened the back door of our car and looked around confused when he noticed it was completely empty. "I've sort of developed interesting sleeping patterns from our mutual friend!"

I laughed before opening the passenger door where I was face to face with the bewildered attendant. "Oh, uh, welcome to the Savoy, miss. Do you have any need of a porter?"

I held up my purse and shook my head. "Just this, I'm afraid."

"Right, well, let me get the door for you." He jogged a few steps to open a gleaming door with a smile.

I tightened my coat about me as I waved to Peter driving off and stepped through.

"'Have a nice evening." He tipped his hat.

"You as well." I breathed, inwardly marveling at the beauty of the Savoy's lobby. It was even more lovely then its website photographs. I reached the front desk and waited for my turn.

A tall man with a dark mustache was finishing a telephone call and quietly hung up. Then, he greeted me. "Welcome to the Savoy, madam. How may I assist you?"

"Yes, I wish to know the room of Mr. Ryuzaki. He should be expecting me." I kept my tone genial but experienced, trying not to openly gawk at the classic beauty that surrounded me.

"Mr. Ryuzaki? I believe he had stated that he wished for no visitors." The man appeared sorry to inform me.

Of course he had, but I was so thankful he was still there. I groaned but laughed gaily. "Oh, that Rue-Rue, what a card. I believe he meant no other visitors beside myself. You see, we get very little time together and we like to…"

"Er, yes I will phone the room straightaway." The man cleared his throat embarrassed and dialed the room. I gave myself a silent whoop.

"Yes, sorry to disturb you. I have a young lady here wishing to see you…It is a Miss ..."

"Just tell him it's Cassandra." I flashed a big grin. "And that I just can't  _wait_  to see him."

The man spoke quietly into the phone and nodded. "Yes, right. Will do, thank you." He hung up the phone. "It is the Empire Suite. Please inform the lift operator of your destination. Should be very easy to find."

"Thank you ever so much." I gave a wave and stepped toward the lifts. That had been easier than I had expected since he had gone with the normal alias, I was thankful that he hadn't developed a new one.

* * *

Five minutes later, I stood outside of the Empire Suite a little hesitant. Before my hand could rise up to knock on the white paneled door, the door smoothly glided open and an attractive middle-aged man dressed impeccably in a black suit greeted me.

"Ah, Miss Cassandra, I presume?" his tone was dulcet and crisp.

"Yes, that's me." I blushed a little as he smiled ingratiatingly and stepped aside to let me into the foyer where a single crystal bowl of fruit was arranged on a round table. I was sure L hadn't been too happy to see that first thing after arriving. It appeared untouched.

"May I take your coat, madam?" The man asked next and with a dazed nod, I allowed him to slip it from my shoulders. With the air of a pro, he draped it smoothly over his arm.

"It shall be pressed for your departure, my dear." He informed me, then bent forward as if he wished to take me into his confidence. "The young sir did not wish for any of his clothes to be pressed." He admitted, with the faintest look of surprise.

I gave a gentle laugh. "I don't believe he's worn anything pressed in quite a while."

"Oh I see." His face betrayed a little amusement. "This way."

I followed him through the door on the left-hand side of the foyer into a truly spacious suite with floor length windows that looked out onto the glittering lights of the city. A fireplace was set against the north wall and a small fire crackled within. Two dark blue armchairs and one cream colored sofa were arranged around a white antique table where a tiered dessert tray piled high with half eaten cakes and treats was placed. A still steaming cup of tea was on a saucer next to his open laptop. The desktop wallpaper was merely an expanse of white. I smiled at the arrangement.

"Mr. Ryuzaki will be with you shortly." The butler explained and discreetly closed the door behind him. I took in my surroundings in wonderment and climbed the two stairs to peer out into the autumn night and breathtaking view of the river. The hundreds of lit windows seemed like stars set against the black sky. I wondered about the people occupying the rooms and whether any of them also included two people who had hidden from each other for so long and were finally where they wanted to be.

"Hello...Cassandra."

I turned around to see L coming from another room, a lollipop in his hand. He did not look pleased to see me. I found myself having trouble to speak and could only stare at him.

"Only you would use your real name as an alias." He rolled his eyes and arranged himself on the in one of the chairs. I sat rigidly on the sofa. "What is it that you want?"

"Don' t leave." I blurted out then. "Really, don't."

He was mystified by my outburst. "Why would  _I_ leave? This is  _my_ hotel suite. You are the one barging in with strange commands."

He wasn't going to make things easy, of that I was certain. "Jude, Jude said that you were planning to make a new headquarters…that you were going to leave Wammy's." I stammered, gripping the strap of my purse tightly. "I wish you wouldn't."

"I never said such a thing to Jude." He dismissed my words and stuck the lollipop in his jaw. "Granted, I said a few choice things this evening but relocating wasn't one of them."

Despite the relief I felt, I admitted how Jude knew. "He said you were thinking about it. He was under the impression that you were leaving directly. So was I."

L seemed more annoyed than appeased. "I must speak with him about something called confidentiality. Are you truly here because you thought I was going to run off like you did? Didn't I say that I'd stay in London to keep you protected? Did you believe I'd go back on my word because some boy with lofty aspirations stole you away for one evening? Mind you, I didn't appreciate being left with a sugar deprived pensioner and his family while you tore off like that but I am getting used to being "ditched" as Jude says."

I took offense to that and frowned. "I did  _not_  ditch you, Caleb did, and I felt terrible about it if you must know."

"Oh, you're always  _feeling_  terrible but not acting to prevent the remorse." He scoffed. "If you really didn't want to run off you could have stopped him. But it's no matter. Now, did you really come here because you thought I was leaving?"

"Well I would also like to borrow a cup of sugar. I'm sure you have enough to spare," I answered dryly. He was becoming impossible to get through to. "I've also had Daisy asking me to check up on poor Elliott and make sure he's being well looked after." I took in the opulent surroundings and shrugged. "Apparently, your accommodations are comfortable. I think I'll leave out the whole butler bit when I make my report."

"So, your presence here is simply to ease your own mind, it's not out of concern for my well-being at all." His tone was bitter. "It's nice to know that Liam's  _mother_  worries about me at least."

"Of  _course_  I was worried about you!" I cried back. "If you don't believe that, then you don't know me at all!"

He was silent then. "Why aren't you still on your  _date?_  The way he was acting I assumed it would be an all-night affair."

I sat back on the plush sofa and looked down at my hands. I wasn't about to admit to him what I had confessed to Caleb. Not when he was acting so haughty and wounded. "It ended early."

"Oh, wasn't he the man of your dreams? The king of apples and oranges?" L snorted, narrowing his eyes.

"L, I refuse to talk about Caleb if you just plan to make fun of him." I glared back at him. He was being so bloody difficult!

"Well, most husbands don't take to it kindly when other men take their wives on  _dates_." He pointed the lollipop at me emphasis.

"L, for goodness sake, it was pretend! Are you going to tease me about this forever? If so, then I might as well call you 'your majesty!'"

We sat in heavy silence for a while, and then he huffed. "I'm surprised you went out with him at all."

"I'll say it again, he's nice! He's a truly nice person, and there was no harm in it at the time! Maybe you'd see that if you hadn't antagonized him from the moment you met."

"It wasn't as if I was unprovoked." he brooded. "So what happened? Why didn't it work?"

"It just didn't, all right?" I was still angry at myself.

That wasn't enough of an answer for him. "Why?"

"Because I told him it was impossible. I hurt him, I hurt him deeply. I said too much. He shouldn't even talk to me again, but he likely will because he's a genuinely good person and I'm a bloody mess!"

The stupid tears started again. All I wanted to say was, "You see? Don't you get it? No one will ever compare to you, so tell me how you feel!" Instead, I covered my face and felt him sitting beside me a moment later.

"Why did you turn him down?" his voice was quiet as my sniffling ceased.

"I didn't see him the way he saw me." I answered wiping my eyes with my shirt sleeve. "To me he's a sweet, protective friend and that's all. I couldn't leave him to go on thinking I felt any more than that. It wouldn't be fair."

"No, I suppose not. Why didn't you tell me that you only thought of him as a friend, Grace?"

I eyed him frustrated. "I  _tried._  You just wouldn't hear any of it. If you had asked me, I would have told you, and this entire ordeal could have been avoided. Those poor tourists, dealing with our nonsense. They'll never want to sightsee again."

L allowed this with a nod of his head then I felt his arm slip around my shoulders. I shivered with the reality that we were essentially alone in a hotel room and he was getting closer every second. "That's why you looked relieved when Jude and I boarded. You didn't want it to be a date."

"Relieved? I was more aggravated than anything. You storm off like that and move out of the Cornells' only to turn up hours later like it's the most natural thing in the world. You really can be so confusing, L."

"I thought my needs were simple." His voice was gruff. "But I think my emotions got the best of me today. It appears that I can get as jealous as any other man."

 _Jealous_ , I repeated as a warm feeling ran through me.  _Of course, he's jealous of Caleb, I would be the same if L had taken a girl out he'd only just met. Perhaps I wouldn't have_ _ **stalked**_ _him, but nonetheless…_ "Jealous? That's pretty rare for you."

"Yes…but not as uncommon as it used to be. Before I had friends to concern myself with, not caring was very easy."

"Do you regret the friendships you've made?"

His eyes were very black and warm as they looked into mine. "Never, they're part of what makes life worth living.'

"I'm happy you see that."

"I must admit something to you, G."

My heart stopped in my throat. "Er…yes?"

He seemed to have trouble finding his words. "I did not like the idea of you going out with Caleb."

I blinked and stifled a laugh. "L, that's not news."

"Will you let me finish?" his look was pained, and I stopped snickering at the sight of it.

"I did not like it, because I want to be your favorite man to be around. I thought "Who is he to capture her interest? She hardly knows him." I didn't care for how quickly he slipped into your life. I feared...I feared that he would take my place. That we wouldn't remain as close as we had become, that it all was a fleeting experience that I was losing."

Feeling very amused, I rested my head on his shoulder. "L, I wouldn't love you half as much if you weren't as stubborn as hell."

He froze and halted in breathing. My eyes widened as I realized what I had just said. One of Anne's old lines that felt fitting then but couldn't be thought of in the same light when it was referring to him.

"You-you love me?" his voice was barely above a whisper.

Words, Grace, words! "Er, ah, of course I do. You're always going to be one of my best friends, and I don't want you to think any different. Don't be jealous about Caleb anymore, L, you'll never lose me."

He softened considerably. "Oh, I see."

It was too much. We became quiet again, both staring into the flames of the fire. As wonderful as the moment was, I could sense we both felt a bit uneasy and I sought a distraction.

I took a deep breath and smiled brightly at him. "Well, what would you like to do? It's your birthday after all!"

 _"_ _ **Our**_  birthday." He amended with a wry smirk.

"It may be yours, L, but it's not mine."

"Your birth record refutes that." His smile grew goofy. "Happy birthday, Gracie."

I kept my voice stern even though I was pleased. "I'd rather stay twenty-one for a few more months, thank you very much."

"I'm afraid that's impossible, my dear."

I didn't want him to know how much that term of endearment pleased me and coughed. "Very well, so now that we've established birthdays, what would you like to do?"

"Well I suppose I could give you your present," his voice was a little shy. "If you'd like to have it now."

"You have a present for me? L, you haven't done that in years, if not ever!"

"You always gave one to me." He explained. "I'm sorry I was too stubborn to return the favor."

"That was at the pressing of Anne, not because I wanted to." I teased.

"I've kept the books you've given me." He said flicking his finished lollipop stick into the bin by the end table. "And their oh so lovely inscriptions never changing: L, For your birthday. Grace."

"You didn't expect flowery dedications, did you?" I giggled. "Well, I hate to admit that I was completely unoriginal and got you a book again. Purchased it yesterday, but it's at Liam's."

His eyes danced. "I hope you'll write something more substantial inside this time."

I flushed, remembering what had been written on the flyleaf in the first edition copy of  _The_   _Hound of the Baskervilles_  that I had found in the fine bookshop with Anne:

_"L,_

_Many happy returns on this day._

_Here's a copy to re-read of one of your favourite stories._

_I think you will find that coming back to a work you already know can be comfortable in its familiarity, rather like home._

_Much love,_

_Grace."_

Anne had been the one to encourage the much love bit. "It'll make him smile to see it." she urged and finally I had written it quickly before I could change my mind.

"I'll have you know that I did."

"I look forward to receiving it." He smirked and got up from the couch to leave the room. I felt a compelling need for him to return. It was as if with him being out of the room he was half way across the world.

He returned a minute later holding a box tied with a red ribbon. L shuffled across the room to me and placed it in my lap. "Open it." He urged, his eyes alive with excitement. He seemed like any of the kids on Christmas day in that moment. It was terribly endearing.

My smile grew bigger. I loosened the ribbon and peeled off the paper. A simple white box was inside, about six inches long on each side. "What is it?" I whispered.

His returning look was impish. "You will never know if you don't open it."

"True," I agreed, lifting the lid of the box to reveal a top of the line pearl colored mobile phone resting on a silken cushion. His eyes followed my every movement as I picked it up and looked it over.

"Oh my! It's lovely, thank you!" I came forward to embrace him, lingering just a little. "I suppose I'll be easier to reach now, eh?"

"Erm, it will be beneficial to have the ability to communicate when needed." He blushed. "I entered all of the numbers you might want."

The display lit up and after navigating the menu for a moment, I found that the address book had Anne, the Cornells, Fritz, Wammy, Home and lastly Louie.

"Louie!" I let out a peal of laughter. "I can't believe it!"

He smiled more. "Well I didn't deem it safe to put my name in as L or any of my aliases. I'm pleased you like it."

"I do! Am I in your mobile?"

"Your number is but not your name." He slid his blackberry out of his pocket and handed it to me. "You can put that in as you wish."

"I see." I found the nameless contact as I scrolled past the CIA, Interpol, Scotland Yard and others. "I'd rather not be No. 2 or anything like that. This is more suitable." I typed the words in quickly and handed the phone to him.

His eyes lit up as he read my entry. "Your Grace?"

"Now it looks like you have royalty in your contacts." I giggled. "And when I call you, you may forget who it is."

"I assure you that won't happen." Carefully he put the phone away. "Now that your gift has been given, what else do you typically enjoy doing on your birthday?"

"Let's go out." I said cheerfully. "I have the perfect place in mind."

"Out?" he repeated warily. Definitely one of his least favorite words.

"Yes, out. I'm not the only one getting birthday surprises. Ring Peter and let's be off."

He picked up his hooded sweatshirt from the other chair and checked that he had his keycard in his pocket. "All right, I'm at your command."

I couldn't deny that I liked the way that sounded.

* * *

"The cinema!" L remarked as Peter parked in front of the theatre Anne and Liam had gone to that showed late night films.

"See, hardly painful." I teased as we stepped out of the car and then waved goodbye to Peter. "Come on."

"I-I've never been to see a film before." He mentioned as I led him to the box office.

"Good, then this idea was worthwhile." I replied as we waited in the queue. "And not plain crazy."

"Do you know what's playing?"

"No, thought it would be a good surprise for the both of us."

Scanning the titles, it turned out that the cinema only played old films and the choices were somewhat limited at one a.m.

"Let's see, we've got  _Carry On Camping, The Bride of Frankenstein and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."_ I don't even know why I bothered reading the first two.

"There's a film about how they make chocolate?" L was already sold on the idea. "A documentary, perhaps?"

I stuck my hands in my pockets to warm them a little. "Erm, it's more like a children's film. I don't recall how much chocolate being made is a part of it. It was a favorite of Mello's as a child."

Now he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front of the queue. "Yes, I would like to rent out the theatre for a screening of the chocolate film. How much would that be?"

"L!" I gasped as the woman behind the glass stared at him in disbelief. "There is no need for that!"

"Uh, come again?!" she cried.

I stepped up apologetically. "No, no, I apologize for my friend. We'll just take two tickets please...for Willy Wonka. That's all."

"Oh, okay then." She looked much less flustered as I dug into my purse.

"Er, no G, I've got this taken care of." L pulled out a wallet and handed the attendant thirty pounds. "Does that amount get us decent seats?"

I giggled as the woman rung up the purchase. "A movie is a little different than a sporting event or the opera. I'm sure seating is ample."

The ticket seller passed the change and our tickets through the hole in the glass partition still gawking at L in wonder. "Enjoy your film." She said only to him, a blush painting her cheeks.

I felt a slight gnawing jealousy and pulled him off toward the entrance. "Thanks. Will do."

For it being a late night showing, the cinema was fairly crowded. Some people were even in some sort of costume.

"What's with the orange painted faces?" I thought out loud, bewildered. What had I gotten us into?

"What happens now? Do we find our seats?" L asked, seemingly oblivious to the characters around us singing jovially about something called an Oompa Loompa.

"Er, you can buy something to eat if you like." We passed someone dressed like a giant taffy. L finally took notice of the oddities surrounding him but was instantly distracted by the sight of the concession stand.

"Grace," his voice was reverent and hushed. "This place is phenomenal!"

I had to laugh as he hurried over. "I'm glad you think so! Now buy sweets sparingly, L. It's only a two-hour feature!"

Leaving another dazed employee in our wake, we finally found our theatre, L jostling a box piled high with treats in his hands.

"That is the opposite of sparingly, you know." 

"You said the film will run for two hours. I must be prepared." He answered as we climbed a flight of stairs to the top of the seating area. We were almost to the top when a teenage boy jumped out into the aisle dressed in a top hat and velvet dress coat.

"Ah, ah ah! You can't go any further without a golden ticket!" he wagged a gloved finger at us and L groaned, his shoulders sinking.

"You see, Grace! We did need to pay for better seats after all!"

I rolled my eyes and met the foppish kid head on. "What in blue blazes is a golden ticket?" I demanded with a chill in my stare.

He laughed uneasily, "Just a pass into a world of pure imagination! A place where every desire is fulfilled! A world where it rains gumdrops and snows spun sugar!"

L was unbelievably getting taken in. "And one must have a golden ticket for this experience?" he asked sincerely, and I placed a hand over his mouth.

"Really, be serious. There's no such thing and you'll be letting us pass right now." I challenged, and the boy finally sighed and sat back down in his seat, his group of friends giggling.

I removed my hand and almost laughed at L's desolate expression. "Come on, the film's about to start."

L shook his head but followed me. "Grace, I weep at your lack of belief."

We sat a few rows behind the strangely dressed teenage boy and L propped the box of treats on his left side while I sat on his right racking my brain about a story of Anne's. What had she said about going to the cinema with a boy when we were girls? Something about fingers touching in a bag of popcorn? I scanned the box of goodies disappointedly. He hadn't purchased any.

"I wonder if the film is aimed toward children whether they will go into percentages of each ingredient and such." He spoke up thoughtfully as the lights went down and a cheer tore through the audience.

"Er, I doubt it. Now you mustn't speak anymore. It's considered rude."

"Oh I see." He opened his first box of chocolate mints and popped them into his mouth. I took a small sip of cola and waited for the film to start, needing another plan.

I don't know why I bothered to tell him not to talk because almost every other person was shouting the lines verbatim. When little orange men in overalls came on the screen, the people with orange paint on their faces started dancing in the aisles. This was certainly not what I had expected in a quiet film. The plot was simply a moral about telling the truth and being respectful to elders. L had been enraptured by the chocolate river but hadn't spoken at all during the entire movie. It was getting a little frustrating. At least I learned about the golden tickets and who that boy was supposed to be dressed as in the interim as he had burst into a song about Pure Imagination when the curly haired man on the screen did so.

I noticed several people in the seats ahead of us rest their heads on their date's shoulders which seemed to lead into some passionate snogging as a result. I wondered if that was a tactic I should try since it wasn't like anything else was working.

After a mental debate I went for it. Yawning lightly, I laid my head down on his shoulder, snuggling into his neck as the others had done, emitting a soft sigh. I felt him stiffen beside me and lower his hand holding a chocolate covered pretzel from his mouth. This could be it…

"Does this film bore you?" he asked quietly instead. "Do you want to leave?"

My eyes flew open, thwarted again but giggled delicately. "Noo, I'm just quite comfortable."

"Er, all right. I do want to see the end. You don't mind staying?"

Did he even care? Did I have to crawl into his lap at this point? I frowned. "No, I don't mind. But I can tell you now that Charlie is going to inherit the factory because he's the heart of gold protagonist."

"I deduced that as well, but I want to see if they show the chocolate room once more."

"Very well." I had enough of this bloody film and closed my eyes. A film about his favorite pastime was certainly had not been a good idea if I wanted him to think about anything else. For example, me.

* * *

I knew I had fallen asleep as the lights of the theatre were up and L's dark eyes were studying me curiously in an empty room.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I asked as I sat up and stretched.

He looked almost ashamed. "Yes, well, I was about to. You-you looked too peaceful to wake."

"You couldn't let me sleep in the theatre." I teased as we stood up and made our way to the lobby. "They frown on that sort of thing."

"I told you, I was preparing to rouse you." He insisted, disposing of his box of empty containers into a bin by the door. "The film ended completely unsatisfactorily. The owner, Wonka, he gave Charlie the factory and instead of initiating him in the secrets of superior chocolate making, he takes him up in an elevator to the stars…I ask you, is that any way to run a business and teach a successor?"

I laughed out loud and linked my arm in his. He was too adorably amusing. "Did you have fun anyway, L?"

"Yes, other than that, the experience was quite enjoyable. Thanks for taking me out, Grace."

"Oh, no problem at all. Although having two dates in one evening doesn't say much for my reputation."

He nibbled his thumbnail as he stopped outside the front doors. "This was a  _date_?"

"In a way." I allowed, feeling shy. "I'm happy you had fun."

"I did. Well, Peter has returned. We had better take you back to the Cornells."

The  _Cornells?_  I hadn't accomplished anything! "Oh, can't we just go back to the Savoy?" I asked with a casual laugh.

L eyed me completely confused. "You want to go back to the hotel? It's half three."

I flashed a smile. "Yes, well, I'm not tired at all after my nap."

He was having difficulty understanding me, but he shrugged. "If you want, you're welcome to return with me."

"Lovely." I chirped and climbed in the back of Peter's car when it pulled up at the curb.

"Where to, kids?" He called back his usual greeting.

"The Savoy, Peter." L replied closing the door behind him. "Grace does not wish to leave yet." He said it as if he had no faith in his words.

"Oh right-o!" Peter chuckled. "'Do you kids mind some music?"

"Not at all." L answered complacently as I sat up straight in my seat.

Sure enough, sound blared throughout the car startling an unprepared L.

" _ **There's a kind of hush**_

_**All over the world, tonight.** _

_**All over the world, you can hear the sounds of lovers in love…"** _

"Well, I'm glad they're somewhere." I muttered to myself, crossing my arms, wondering why this was so turning out to be so difficult.

"What did you say, Grace?!" L yelled from the facing seat.

I shook my head and smiled again. "Nothing!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of this chapter – A Wish For Something More- Amy MacDonald, and Peter's Playlist "Baby Now That I Found You" -The Foundations and "There's a Kind of Hush" –Herman's Hermits
> 
> New songs: Pure Imagination & Forever – Jamie Cullum
> 
> The original version of this chapter was written in 2010, in 2012 I went to London with my husband on our honeymoon where we actually had to pick where we wanted to sit at the cinema just like L anticipated doing. I couldn't believe it! Now here in the U.S., this type of seating has been adopted as well. Funny!  
> Next chap is a doozy gang.


	41. Not Alone

**Chapter 41. Not Alone**

_"_ _**Are the stars out tonight?** _

_**I don't know if it's cloudy or bright** _

_**Because I only have eyes for you…dear..."** _

L and I had given up on conversation due to the volume of the radio as Peter drove us back to the Savoy. Instead, L just stared at me curiously from his perch on the opposite seat and I certainly couldn't blame him. It was almost four a.m. and instead of being fast asleep like any rational person, I was traveling back to the private suite that looked out on a glittering London. I don't know what I expected when we arrived there. I had failed in every possible way this evening to drop the scales from his eyes and to make him see us for what we really were. I felt too shy to show him the digital photograph that had proved everything to me, but I kept the idea in the back of my mind as a last resort.

As I doubted I'd sleep at all tonight without clearing the misunderstanding between us, the visual aid was sounding more and more tempting.

"Ah!" Peter called back as he finally turned the music down. "Back again!"

I turned to see the lights of the hotel still bright despite the impossibly late hour. L bit down on his thumbnail before he finally spoke. "G, are you certain you don't wish to go back to the others?"

All right, I knew I had to be convincing as I pressed my hand down on the door handle, turning it slightly. I grinned and tossed my head back. "Trying to get rid of me, L? You were the one who asked if I wanted a private tour of the suite, and I've only seen the foyer and sitting room as of yet! Surely you have a bathroom, and a dining room and a bed!"

His eyes nearly bulged out of his head and he produced a coughing fit that even Peter turned around to witness. "Are you all right?" I cried as he pounded his chest and engulfed a large breath of air, finally returning to normal.

"Er, yes…I'm quite well now." He blinked several times and set his feet down on the floor of the car. "If you wish a tour at this hour, I suppose it is my duty as the host to give you one."

I turned the door handle all the way with a smile. "Yes, it is. Come on, then."

"Just a call away, remember Gracie!" Peter said his farewells as we climbed out of the car and back into the icy air.

I waved goodbye to him as he pulled away from the pavement then felt my other hand suddenly enclosed in warmth. My eyes glanced down to see L's long fingers wrapping around it and then back up to take in his serious expression. "I don't know what this game this is, Grace. Don't you require sleep?"

It was difficult to answer him intelligently and mumbled. "I'm not tired."

"As you say." He smirked, his other hand rising to brush my cheek. My blood surged below my skin as my heart started going triple time. "You may stay a little longer, but then you must seek your rest. Your fairness would not be complimented by even the lightest of dark circles."

I smiled weakly in reply as he stopped his assault on my sanity and pulled us toward the front entrance manned by a doorman as always. I was thankful that L and Wammy stayed in such secure places when they traveled. I always wished them to have as much protection as possible.

"Good evening Mr. R! And to you as well, miss." The tall lad tipped his hat and opened the door for us to pass.

"Thank you, good night!" I returned as we continued through the quiet lobby, still majestic despite being mostly empty. "So, why Mr. R?"

L chuckled a little as we reached the lifts. "It's a common occurrence in non-Japanese hotels. The employees have trouble pronouncing Ryuzaki."

"Don't really blame them." I shrugged as the one lift reached our floor and slid open. "Maybe you should start going by Mr. Elliott."

We stepped inside, his hand still connected to mine as he pressed the correct button for his floor, no lift operator on shift this late at night. "Doubtful. I've only been going by that for three days and I'm already weary of it."

"I like it." I disagreed softly. "It'll always remind me of London and the Cornells."

"And being soaked with rain and it being the first name I could come up with that L could be short for." He added as the bell dinged and the doors opened on his floor. "Do you not care for Ryuzaki?"

"I care for whatever you are called, believe me." I admitted as he removed the keycard from his pocket and ran it through the slot in the door. "I just wanted to make things easier for you, so you don't have to go by Mr. R."

He opened the door to the foyer, the chandelier above our heads lighting instantly. "I already go by one letter, another doesn't matter."

"I suppose you're right." I sighed as he let me go. "So, the grand tour starts here, eh? Why is it called the Empire Suite?"

He gave me a droll look as he shrugged out of his jacket and held out his hand for mine. "I didn't expect a history lesson as a part of the tour. I deduce it has that name due to Great Britain once possessing a vast empire throughout the world."

"Lucky guess." I playfully pouted handing him my coat. "Has anyone famous stayed here?"

"Besides me?" his grin was wry and quite irresistible. "I'm certain of it. Do I know who, well no."

"Shame."

I followed him through the tranquil sitting room and through another door. The lights illuminated a long glass table with place settings for twelve people. Navy curtains were tied back at the entrance. "I never use this room in any suite I take up residence in." he explained. "It would just be Watari and I shouting to hear each other from each end of the table. Not needed."

"You could have a lovely dinner party," I was engrossed in looking at the fine china with a delicate gold clipper ship embossed in the center of each plate. Not a single detail was missed.

"Or a tea party like young Ella?" He rolled his eyes, exiting back into the sitting room. "That would be the only need for twelve chairs, I'm sure she has a tremendous number of stuffed toys."

"Of course, she does! Mr. Tao's her very favorite."

He opened another door to a marble bathroom equipped with an enormous shower and white Jacuzzi and made a sweeping gesture with this hand inside before closing it again. "There's the washroom taken care of. Now, am I wrong in saying that Mr. Tao had been yours as a child, Grace?"

"No," I blushed as we walked further down the hall lined with expensive paintings of turn of the century India and naval battles. "But I have no need for such things now that I'm an adult."

"Quite a depressing thought." He teased, pausing at a pair of double doors. "Er, this is where I shall sleep, if you er, care to have a look."

To my credit, I managed to sound carefree and not a bundle of nerves as we walked into the spacious room holding a king sized four poster bed with billowing white curtains surrounding it. I turned to my right to exclaim that the bed faced another wall of windows, offering a stunning view of the city.

"This is marvelous!" I cried, clasping my hands together and breaking composure to bound over to the bed, sitting down on the right side and pushing open the curtains. "So peaceful! Don't you think you could just shut these drapes and hide away for hours if the mood took you, L?!"

He was gawking at me strangely and coughed again. "Er, yes I think that would be nice. So…uh, how about we watch some television in the main room?"

I stopped playing with the curtains to let my hands drop to the duvet. "Television? But you  _hate_  television! You say it's too much like surveillance!"

He was edging toward the doors laughing uneasily. "But not completely. Come."

I stood up from the bed and met him by the door. "Do you not like me here in your private sanctum?" I demanded, finding his behavior extraordinarily odd. "You seem to not mind me visiting your quarters at home."

I was making him more uncomfortable as one of his hands rubbed the back of his neck. "It's different, G. Now, come on."

I let out a gusty sigh and left his bedroom, shutting the doors behind me. "Well thank you for the tour anyway, I'm afraid there is going to be nothing to watch this time of morning."

"I will find something." He was confident as we came back in the sitting room. Flopping down on the sofa, I watched him locate the remote control by the tea tray and press a button, allowing two panels of the wall to slowly slide back and a flat screen television to be revealed. The set came to life and the BBC 24-hour news channel appeared with the famous L symbol once again by the newsreader's well-coiffed head. I laughed out loud.

"Are you sure you didn't time that?"

He groaned and shook his head profusely joining me on the sofa. "Yes, I'm sure. I can't imagine what they're going on about now."

"Usually how wonderful and brilliant you are." I joked, poking him in the side. "No wonder you can be so bloody self-centered, hearing and seeing this sort of thing daily."

"Grace, I'm not on television every day." He turned up the volume anyway to hear the newsreader say that another case had been solved due to the Detective L's quick work.

I clapped a little as the symbol faded from behind the woman's head. "Well done, well done."

"Hush." He couldn't deny the smile creeping on his lips.

Now an urban building was shown as well as a transparent Japanese flag. " _In Japan, divine intervention appears to be the popular theory among the public after the sudden death of Kurou Otoharada, a forty-seven year-old man who barricaded himself inside a nursery school with eight hostages, including children after a killing spree a day previous…"_

My hand flew up to my mouth at the thought of the poor children in such danger. As always, children from Wammy's replaced the children being mentioned and my chest tightened in fear. L leaned forward to hear better.

" _The authorities report that in the fifth hour of the hostage situation, Otoharada died of a violent heart attack. The eight hostages were freed to the relief of their families and the nation at large immediately after…"_

I shuddered at how much it really did seem as if divine intervention had been responsible in the criminal's death. "Thank God," I whispered softly as the program segued to another news story. "It could have been far worse."

"Indeed, what a coincidence," L murmured, still staring forward at the television. "It likely was a result of the unusual stress and activity placed on the heart after he took the hostages. He didn't appear to be a fit individual."

"No." I agreed, hugging my chest as I sat back. "I suppose it shows that death can happen at any time."

"Yes…" He glanced my way for a moment then stared back at the screen.

"What was that for? I'm not lying."

"I'm simply forming a question in my head, but I worry what your reaction will be."

I snorted. " _You're_  worrying if you offend me with something you say? The times have certainly changed!"

"Right, fine." L settled his hand on top of mine again and I flushed at the touch. Was the moment finally here? Was he worried about my reaction to a declaration of his feelings? He needn't be bothered.

His eyes found me again, but now they were grave "Grace, are you prepared to die if you succeed as L?"

I gasped, losing the warm feeling as I hadn't expected such a question. In fact, ice stole into my veins. My stomach quaked. "Er, well, I don't know…"

"It is as I thought." He sighed, taking that for my answer. "You're not ready. I really wish you would take yourself out of the order. I've wanted you to do that for a good while now. My successor needs to step forward in a moment's notice. I could be gone at any time."

The easy comfort I had grown used to with him disappeared at his professional matter of fact speech. "You're not going to die, L." I shot him a look. "So don't worry about how I think."

He sighed patiently. "G, I've told you countless times, I have fully accepted it. If I must die to rid the world of some unknown evil, I will gladly do it. My concern is that you have not come to terms with this regarding yourself."

"Why must I come to terms with it?” I bluffed. "You've been doing this work for ten years and you've returned each time safe and sound. I likely won't have to take over until I have need of a walking frame."

"Hiding your head in the sand about this changes nothing about the facts, Grace. I will die, and you remain purposely numb to how that will affect you."

I wrested myself from his gentle touch fiercely. I wasn't about to listen to this. "How can you say that with such bloody finality?""

I wasn't bringing out any response from him. He stared at me with calm repose. It was terrifying. "Please inform Watari that you wish to remain solving missing persons cases and not become L when I die. I beg of you."

I stood up distressed, wringing my hands. How had our discussion shifted so drastically? "Stop saying that, "when I die". You're going to die fifty years from now asleep in your bed with snowy hair and the comfort of a long life well lived. Stop being so Goddamn stubborn! I know it's second nature to you, but at least try!"

"You don't know that for certain." He was troubled now, and I couldn't bear to look at his dear face that way. I never wished to cause him pain, but he was breaking my heart over and over again with each resolute sentence about dying for the world to be a better place. How could the world be better for me if he was gone from it? I crossed the room away from him quickly, keeping my back turned. This conversation was diverting from the philosophical to the nakedly real and my heart had started to pound in my chest so roughly I could scarcely breathe.

I still couldn't speak so he made another overture. "You are very well aware what this position entails." He spoke to me as if I was still a child, slowly and carefully. "At any cost of life, the law must be upheld."

Yes, I knew what the position entailed, I knew since I was thirteen years old, it didn't make the loss of the man I loved because of it any easier to deal with.

Sickened now, I picked up the silver tea tray for a shaking moment before slamming it to the floor, the china shattering onto the hardwood, turning back to dare him to say anything else so logical and idiotic.

He still watched me quietly as I contemplated more destruction. "There is no need for histrionics, Cassandra Grace. It won't change matters."

"If It made me bloody feel better there's a need. I refuse to have zero faith like you!" Angry tears were streaking my cheeks and I felt completely helpless. His expression was still pained. "Don't you have anything to live for? Don't you know the absolute anguish your passing would cause everyone? Don't you think that maybe I want you to live? Do you even care?!"

His returning look was one of pity and disappointment, as if I was still the child he had disapproved of for so many years. "Do I even care…you are so clouded by emotion. It worries me more and more."

"What does that even  _mean?_ " I demanded as he joined me in the center of the room, the broken china crushing under his footsteps. "Feelings are all I have. I need to have enough for the two of us."

He definitely didn't care for my response. "I  _told_  you that I feel." He growled, the peace in his eyes reduced to shreds. "I  _care._ I wish you protected. That is why I need you to step down because I cannot bear to know that after I'm gone you're going to dive headfirst into danger. It's not a game, Grace. It's not a bloody game! You could die too!"

I laughed inanely then, the reality of the situation so unbelievably absurd. "I'm not dead yet, L, and neither are you!"

His eyes widened with surprise. "What, what are you saying?"

The laughter trailed off as I stood before him close enough to touch. "I'm saying, I'm saying…" I struggled for the right words. When they failed me, I placed a shaky hand over his heart. His breath caught in his throat. "I'm saying that as long as our hearts are still beating, we should embrace every moment we have. This doesn't have to be it, L. We could have so much more.!"

He swallowed and looked away. "Gracie, I have no complaints with my life. I've accepted it."

The emotions were building again, my tense fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly as I yanked him forward. His staggered expression was inches away from my face. "Well, I have a big problem with it and I'll never accept it! You are  _ **not**_  a sacrifice, you are  _ **not**_  going to throw your life away for the sake of justice, like a lamb to the slaughter. I-I won't allow it!"

His quickened breath fell onto my skin. "H-how will you prohibit that from happening?" he asked in a hushed tone.

I drew in a deep breath to answer him. "By giving you more to live for. It's all I can possibly do."

Before he could inquire as to what that meant, I showed him. My trembling mouth met his and I hungrily kissed him as if my life depended on it. In a way it did. There had been a reason I hadn't succeeded all night in my somewhat flirtatious seduction, this was the moment it was meant to happen, this was the exact time and place that I was supposed to let him know. Let him know that he wouldn't be leaving no one behind if he idiotically threw his life away, to show him any way I could that he wasn't the only one who had a deep investment in his existence. That it wouldn't be the same as when Winston had tragically died because he hadn't had a choice. L did.

The murmur of surprise turned into a full out moan as he stood completely still, seemingly afraid to move. Then, carefully, his arms came up from his sides to encircle me as his lips returned the caresses, hesitant but with strength, his hot breath coursing through my body, making me wholly and completely his as he sighed, abandoning his reservations. I tugged harder on his shirt, pulling him even closer as I refused to hold anything back. One of his hands gravitated up my back into my hair and I couldn't control the noise of pleasure I made at the feeling. All I could think was  _feel, damn you, feel_!

I was so thankful it was working, that he seemed to be regaining his fire, that he finally understood how his death would devastate me, how I had never longed for that moment even as a thoughtless, jealous teenager watching him go off to do exciting things while I stayed at home.

The fervent kiss tapered off and he tilted forward as I tried to pull away, brushing his lips against mine a final time. As we finally parted, his black eyes opened bright with wonderment. "G," he breathed, detangling his fingers from my hair. "Such a kiss…"

I met his look of disbelief of head on. "They are my kisses, I can do what I wish with them."

His long fingers ran across my waist before letting me go. "You want me to live." He said then with certainty.

I nodded, suddenly shy as I loosened the vice grip I held on his shirt. "Yes, I can't imagine life without you, and I don't want to, L. I just don't."

His slightly swollen lips smiled weakly. "Neither can I."

All I could see was him, there was a new driven look to him, a new purpose where only uncertainty had existed before. "Grace," he began. "There is something I must say…"

I waited expectantly, hoping the words would come as they seemed ready to tumble out of me. "Yes?"

Right then, his phone began ringing loudly, blaring through the heavy silence. L's entire form sank as he sighed and pulled out the mobile from his front pocket.

"This had better be important!" He barked into it only to change his tone of voice a second later. "Oh! My apologies, Watari…Yes, I'm still at the Savoy…Grace? Er…she's here. Jude and Anne are at the Cornell residence…No, Watari, we saw a film…oh…right. Another shipment got through? Dammit…yes...worth five million?..And it mustn't wait?...Yes...Heathrow? I will meet you there...Oh, the car's outside? Right, give me about five minutes…yes, goodbye." L hung up the phone. I noticed his knuckles were bright white when he shoved it into his pocket and took me in apologetically. "Watari…Columbia…the cocaine ring….He's waiting outside. I must go."

Though my heart was ripping at the thought of him leaving now, I nodded. "Of course you must."

He zipped up his jacket once more as I closed the laptop on the table, opening his black bag resting by the couch. I slipped the computer inside and felt a worn piece of paper catch against my fingertips as he went to the bedroom to collect whatever he may have left behind. Quickly, I pulled out the folded piece of paper and upon opening it, was startled to be looking back at myself. Anne hadn't been wrong with her deduction about who had taken her missing sketch after all. I wondered for a moment how long he had had it in his possession but tucked it quickly back into the case as he emerged then with a hastily packed duffle bag thrown over his shoulder and toothbrush in his hand. We stared at each other from across the room, the distance between us so vast. This wasn't going to be a friendly wish for success in the mission with a hug to end conversation. We were past that now.

"G, what I was going to say…" L started again, troubled.

I lifted a hand and shook my head. "Tell me when you come back." I whispered, and he cleared his throat and nodded.

"Yes, that's probably best."

I followed him to the door and he stopped short when he noticed me behind him with one arm slipping into my coat. "Where are you going?" he asked confused.

I smoothed my mussed hair a little embarrassed. "Er, to the house. I need to catch a cab or perhaps I can call for one. I daren't bother poor Peter again."

"Why don't you stay here until the morning?" his voice was tender as he gestured around the suite. "I can call to check out later and you won't have to travel alone so late at night."

"Well, I-"

His eyes beseeched me as his hand rose up to cradle my cheek. "Please indulge me, Grace. All I wish for is your safety, remember?"

I sighed and nodded, holding myself back from leaning into his touch. "All right, then. If your butler doesn't mind the change in guest."

"Thank you." L whispered, his fingertips lingering on my skin. Deep in thought, he came closer. "Gracie, I-"

I placed a shaking finger on his lips and managed a smile. "Just promise that you will come back. That it's more than just surviving, that you'll actually try."

He determinedly nodded, then pulled me into another embrace. "I have much to live for. I promise that I value that."

"Good." I parted from him as we took each other in one final time, the black hair sticking every which way, the pale gaunt face housing the most brilliant, intelligent eyes I had ever seen, the hunched shoulders, his now wrinkled shirt, the torn trainers –all adding up to the most beautiful person I had ever known.

I'm not certain what he saw as he looked back at me because he only murmured, "Violet, always violet." Before he finally yanked open the door and left.

Now alone in the foyer, I rested my head against the cool wood, surprisingly calm. I wiped my eyes, but the tears were gone. I ran my tongue over my lips and recaptured every single moment of the wild kissing, my heart pounding at the thought. "I love you." I whispered before seeking the bed. "You cannot know how much."

* * *

Anne was laughing when I called her fifteen minutes later. "I love seeing "Grace" on my caller id!" she teased, delighted.

I settled against the pillows in the massive bed facing even more windows and the few feeble lights remaining at the late hour. L must have known I was going to stay since he had left one of his long-sleeved shirts hanging from the bed frame. I wore it now, hugging one arm against my chest as I heard my best friend giggle.

"I guess you knew about the phone, then?"

"Yep, I like L giving you random presents. It's sweet. But I've got to ask, night owl, what are you doing up so late? I got a message from L saying you went to the cinema a few hours back. You can't still be there!"

"Oh, I'm still at the Savoy." I answered and was met with a surprised shriek.

"You're still at the hotel with  _L?_ " she squealed. "You have got to tell me  _everything!"_

The phone was muffled as I heard her talking to someone who laughed lustily.

"Who is that?" I asked. It didn't sound like Jude.

"Oh, just Lee. He was bad and switched rooms after everyone went to bed. I think Jude's much happier with the arrangement. Now details Grace!"

I sighed, the scent of the sleeve of the shirt intoxicating me with its sweet essence. "Nothing. L got called on a mission. Wammy was waiting downstairs to pick him up and he told me to stay here tonight because he didn't want me to travel. The end."

Anne was disappointed. "Oh, you're sure he's not just putting on a sexy Sherlock Holmes outfit or anything?"

I could hear Liam matching me with laughter. "Annie! Don't be absurd! I doubt they even make such a thing!"

Anne giggled then sobered. "But you've made no headway with him at all? Jude said you tore out of here to go see him after coming home with Cay."

I slid further under the luxurious bedclothes smiling. "A little."

"Well that's better than nothing I guess." She sighed. "I'll let you catch up on sleep, Grace. Then tomorrow we really need to get our dresses."

Excitement and pain hit me at the thought of the ball. "All right, I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight to you and Liam."

"And you and L?" Anne was still hopeful.

"Sorry, still have to disappoint you with that."

I hung up listening to her laughter and placed the phone carefully by the bed. I reached over and turned out the bedside light, blanketing the room in a stifled darkness broken by the windows still bringing in light. I yawned and turned to my side, resting my cheek against the pillow as I closed my eyes. I had much to think about, I think we both did, but morning would provide the opportunity for that and sleep was about to steal me away.

Until the mobile started buzzing that is, and I blindly stuck out a hand to retrieve it. The display read one new message, which I assumed was Anne saying good night once more. I pressed the key to read the message and was nicely surprised.

**5:00 from: Louie**

_Pleasant dreams. :*_

I laughed as I looked at the little symbol that now held so much meaning. I quickly responded and set the phone once more on the nightstand.

**5:01 to: Louie**

_Stay safe both of you and good luck. :*_

"And come home soon." I murmured as my eyes slid shut and the smile wouldn't leave. I knew dreams would never match reality at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Don't Take Your Love Away From Me – Vast and Not Alone from Final Fantasty IX, composed by Noubo Uetmatsu and performed by Tour de Japon.
> 
> New song: All I Ask - Adele
> 
> I hope I wasn't too Kira-esque causing any more heart attacks. Speaking of Kira…


	42. Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs: Carole King – Up on the Roof /Josh Groban - Symphony

_**Chapter 42. Regrets** _

_L POV_

_June 2005_

_It was cool outside, as the sun finally started to set in the distance. I sighed deeply, the pain stronger now. I didn't want to go. Me, the person who always craved more work, more mysteries to solve, prepared at any moment to catch a flight to my next investigation. My duffle bag always readily packed for such a purpose, I wanted to stay right where I was. All I wished to do now was sit and somehow will time to slow to a crawl. It was a preposterous childish thought, but still I clung to it. If the sun didn't set, then tomorrow wouldn't come. If tomorrow didn't come, I wouldn't need to leave. If I didn't need to leave, I wouldn't have to say goodbye._

_A knock interrupted my thoughts, then I heard the door to my room open and her voice followed next. "L? Are you …oh…"_

_I turned toward the window. "I'm here, Grace."_

" _Er,_ _ **where**_ _exactly?"_

_I smirked to myself. "Come to the window and see."_

_A moment later, curiosity getting the best of her as it usually did, Grace was staring at me in shock as she craned her neck out of the window. "Good Lord, L. Why are you on the roof? Do I have a reason to be concerned?!"_

_I chuckled. "I have no intentions to jump, I assure you."_

" _Pleased to hear it. But what are you_ _ **doing**_ _out there?"_

" _Enjoying a spectacular sunset." I answered, feeling braver. "Come join me."_

_She blanched and looked down. "What? Join you? I couldn't possibly…"_

_I shifted closer so that I was once again directly next to the window. "I promise you won't fall." I extended a hand to her. "Detective's honor."_

_I could tell she was contemplating all angles as she hesitated. "I know that. It's just if any of the kids see us, we won't be able to stop them from doing the same foolish thing."_

" _Who's going to see?"_

_Grace sighed deeply. "I'm going to regret this, I know it…"_

" _What's life without regrets?" I dared her and was rewarded with a smile as she made up her mind to join me._

" _Fine. Not a word of this to anyone. Next thing you know, Fritz will have me up in that blasted plane if he finds out."_

" _I shan't tell a soul, G."_

" _Right, then."_

_Carefully, she grasped my hand as she sat down on the windowsill and placed her other hand on the wall to steady herself. I tightened my hold and her eyes met mine, blue and trusting as she eased one leg out of the window and then the second. I reached forward to take her arm as she slowly slid down from the window sill and her feet touched the roof. Remaining close to the wall of the house, she moved to seat herself beside me, still holding my hand for balance before she felt comfortable enough to let it go._

_Grace glanced around uncertainly as she gained her bearings but then looked up and sighed with pleasure. "You're right again. It's truly not a sight to miss. Have you see anything so captivating?"_

_Her eyes were transfixed on the sky casting streaks of orange and gold above the rolling fields surrounding the house and was completely unaware that I wasn't sharing the same view. "No, never."_

_She took in the sunset a bit longer and then turned back to me. "Anyway, I was looking for you. Wammy said you had something to tell me?"_

_Well time had marched forward despite my futile efforts to stop it. "Er, yes. I will be leaving tomorrow morning. There's a case in Beijing. It cannot be completed remotely."_

_Her face fell and my heart ached more, partly with the realization that she actually cared if I would come and go now. "Oh, I see. Well of course you would have to leave for work again at some point L. I understand. I suppose the holiday is over?"_

_Of course, she would be reasonable about this. I don't know why I wished for her to raise hell and demand that she didn't want me to go. To blame the Republic of China for not being able to manage their own crime without international assistance but she didn't._

" _I'd -I'd rather not go myself." I admitted quietly, feeling a flush come over me at my confession._

_Grace appeared puzzled. "Why ever not? Beijing must be so fascinating to travel to. Such an old city with so much history and culture…" she drifted off into another daydream about the outside world, as her eyes filled with earnestness and her voice grew excited. She always loved when I would reach into the recesses of my memory to regale her with a story of a place I had visited. Her attention would be rapt and her gaze would be so open. I wished to give her more than just stories, I wished to give her the world, but it was not mine to give._

" _It's also another place where people do dark deeds and harm the innocent." I replied, pulling her out of her reverie. "Like everywhere else."_

" _Oh Louie." She sighed then, resting her head on my shoulder. "I'm meant to be the pessimist, remember?"_

_I closed my eyes as I savored the moment where she was so close. "I am allowed my moments as well, you know."_

" _Oh, I think you take far too many liberties being the house misery. Just ask Mrs. C."_

_I smirked. "I wouldn't use her personally as an unbiased reference of my character, G."_

" _Ha, I would agree with you on that. I think her opinion of me has lowered over the last month since we've become friends as well."_

" _Is that so? Well, I believe that the only person she truly holds in high regard is Watari. It has to be why she has remained here for so many years in his employ, because she respects him so."_

" _That's not the only reason." She snickered to herself from my shoulder._

" _Whatever do you mean?"_

" _You don't know?" Grace laughed. "Lord, I thought everyone knew. Mrs. C fancies Wammy. She always has."_

_I shuddered visibly and she laughed harder, sitting upright again. "The Copper with Watari? How horrid!"_

" _Everyone needs love, L." she teased. "Even frustrated dragon ladies."_

" _I do wish you had never told me this. I will not be able to look at her the same way again."_

" _I'm sure it's one of the reasons she doesn't get on with you. You take him away from her far too often. At least that's what Anne and I have concluded."_

" _I assure you Watari has never expressed to me any romantic intention or desire toward…that_ _ **woman."**_ _I wondered how we had gotten on this ridiculous track of conversation from when she had been so near to now. When she smiled at me then, I realized it didn't truly matter._

" _Oh darn, I was hoping you'd have some inside information."_

" _Hate to disappoint you with that."_

" _L?"_

" _Hmm?"_

" _What do you think Winston would have been like…if he had lived?"_

_It was a question I had pondered often throughout the years as I had grown. Evidently, so had she. "I believe a lot of who he was would have remained the same, Grace. His goodness, his helping nature, the desire to speak up for those who had been wronged…"_

" _Yes," she relaxed. "He wouldn't be much different."_

" _After all, Watari may have retired early from the L cases if Winston had lived. Win was always meant to be the second Watari."_

_Now Grace sat up more, her eyes bright. "I never knew that! You do have inside information after all!"_

" _Yes, with our bond of friendship, Watari knew we could have worked together and would trust each other implicitly."_

" _But you didn't start real cases until your teens," she pointed out. "How could Wammy have planned all this when you were children?"_

" _Watari planned my path for me years before I ever professionally started. It's rather like how you are destined to take over Wammy's House someday from him and Roger. He plants seeds and watches as they grow. And when plans must be changed, he is accepting of it. It's not control. It's guidance."_

" _Do you think Jude will do well under his guidance?" she asked softly. "He's had so much pain for so much of his life before this and still appears so resistant."_

" _I do. In the short time he has been here, I have seen improvements in his behavior and mood. I feel comfortable leaving him in your capable hands to watch over. And I feel you are more at ease with him since he arrived."_

" _I suppose I agree." Grace closed her eyes again with a small smile. "We've become a rather good team, haven't we?"_

" _Absolutely. Now, would you ever want to be the new Watari when he decides to retire?"_

_She laughed out loud. "I don't have the patience required for that job. Serving you cakes and what not, driving you around, needing to patiently sit through your sulks. I'd probably resign after a day."_

" _Are you saying I would be a difficult employer?" I teased._

" _I'm saying that unless you'd want a trifle dumped on your head the first time you'd make a snide comment, you'd wisely pick someone else."_

_I chuckled then and she did too._

" _It would be nice having you around so often, however." I admitted softly. "Even if being Watari doesn't suit you, I'm sure there's other options…"_

_She blushed then and started to move back toward the window. "I'll keep that in mind. Now, I need to prepare the lessons for tomorrow, so I'd better go in. Thank you for sharing this sunset. It was lovely."_

_I took her in, a knot in my throat. I wished to say more but couldn't. "My pleasure, G."_

_I came forward to assist her back to the window but realized she didn't need my help as she was already adept at maintaining her balance. Deftly she slipped back inside, only for her face to reemerge a moment later wearing a wistful look._

" _Oh and L?"_

" _Yes?"_

" _Try not to be gone another six months this time, all right?"_

* * *

_**London** _

_**31** _ _**st** _ _**of October, 2005** _

**5:01 From: Your Grace**

Stay safe both of you and good luck! :*

"Now our flight is set to land in Bogota at fifteen hundred hours local time…"

_The warmth of her body so close to mine, the way she had held me under her saddened gaze, the eager motion of her mouth urging me to reciprocate, the whimpers she had produced that had almost rendered me undone… Grace, my Grace…_

"The authorities have been at a loss to determine how the cartel is succeeding with delivering their shipments when all routes out of the city are being monitored…"

_How violet her eyes had been when she said goodbye to me, her auburn hair tousled from just having my fingers running through it. It had been as soft as I had ever imagined, she had fit so easily in my arms, I never wished to let her go…_

" _I am a fool."_

_Watari paused in his briefing to take me in surprised from the opposite facing seat. "Why on earth would you say that, my son?"_

_Like an automaton, I had received a call, accepted a case and prepared to go. Never once thinking I had an alternate option. Such as pulling her back into my arms and resuming where we had left off._ _I couldn't forget her anger, her sadness, her passion, her quiet beauty, her taste, her feel, her pain. I had been so afraid, she had wished me to let go. She didn't know what she was asking. She couldn't know how long I had waited, how much more I wanted to give…_

" _It was the right time, and I left. I left for work, bloody work like I always do."_

_Watari looked at me quizzically over the tops of his spectacles. "L, I'm afraid I don't follow."_

" _It's not important." I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself and glaring out the window of the car._

_She accepted it, like she always did. L has a case, he must go. The only time she ever showed anger was when I had planned to take a holiday. When it came to work, she never argued. We were conditioned to be that way, to put our work before any thought of a personal life or a life at all for that matter._

"This doesn't have to be it, L. We could have so much more!"  _she had pleaded, her eyes bright with tears. It hurt to remember it. Right now, I could be revealing the depths of my heart to her, finally after all of this time. Showing her that of course I bloody had something to live for. It was her. It was always her._

_Watari was never one to pry, but he did have his deductive tendencies that would be used now and again. "You had said Grace was still at the hotel. That you went to see a film. Gracie's never been known for being such a night owl, I'm amazed our girl was functional so late at night."_

_Functional. More than functional. I always had known she possessed a fiery passion but it had never been shown to me before in such a way._

_He tried again. "I understand that you don't care to leave Grace in the middle of a row, but she will forgive you in time."_

_Finally, I spoke. "It-it wasn't a row. Well, it partly was…but no…Watari, words were said but more was expressed as well." I felt my face warming as I spoke._

_Recognition showed in his eyes then. "Ah, I see."_

" _I fear I shouldn't have left."_

" _Shouldn't have left? L, you have been incredibly eager for this case…I knew you would not wish to waste a moment more."_

" _Watari, I almost told her." I admitted. "She almost knew—and, and I wasn't as frightened as before. I-I felt safe. I believe she may have developed some feelings for me as well and knowing that made speaking easier to consider."_

" _You did say more was expressed than words," he remembered, thinking to himself._

_I focused on my mobile in my hand still displaying the message she had sent. "It's becoming more difficult…to be apart from her."_

" _I understand that, my boy. In fact, I expected it after you chose to return home three times over the summer instead of remaining in the field. So, will you be allowing Grace to travel with us from now on? Would it make it easier on you to have her there?"_

_Never having to say goodbye, having her always close, providing extraordinary insight to the case at hand, comfort to Watari and giving to me a feeling of being complete. I know Watari had always encouraged this, but pain filled my heart as I shook my head._

" _She cannot travel with us. The danger is unspeakable. She does not need to know how lucky we have been and how many near misses we have had. I'd prefer G to believe we've always been safe. She would be out of her mind with worry if she knew the truth."_

_Watari sighed deeply. "But Lawliet, you are regretting leaving her tonight. What would you rather do? Never have a case again that takes you away from the United Kingdom? The Detective L is a worldwide entity and resource. Grace is meant to be your successor. You know that."_

" _Of course, I bloody know that!" I snapped and instantly felt horrid when I noticed Watari's stunned expression. "My apologies, Watari. I, I do not feel myself. I understand the importance of this case, of the work. But I am being forced to consider what it might like to be…normal. To not have such things to deliberate."_

" _Son, wishing you were something other than yourself is never helpful. Be proud of who you are. I know Gracie is and so am I."_

_I looked then at the older man who had found me as a small child and had transformed my life. Who had become my confidante, my father, my partner. His eyes as always were kind, and as he watched me now, I felt a sense of love that reminded me of my duty to him and our life's work. I could never repay Watari for all he had done for me, and guilt overrode me for being so frustrated and conflicted when he always saw the path forward clearly. I had much to learn._

" _Thank you, Watari. I will remember that."_

_Watari smiled back at me and looked out the car window to the sky lightening as morning approached. "Good, my boy. Good."_

_I joined him in watching the sky transform in color as we reached the airport. Another day had started but though I wished my day could be starting differently, I could not deny I was content to be with Watari on to the next case. I was thankful to have him._

" _Oh, before we board!" Watari spoke up then, reaching into his briefcase and pulling out container. "Before I left the house, Glynnis gave these to me for you, for your birthday of course. She knows how you love the biscuits the kitchen makes, she wanted you to specifically to have them."_

_I accepted the container cautiously. "I do wonder if they are laced with cyanide."_

_Watari choked on a laugh. "What was that, L?"_

_I chuckled too and placed the container inside my bag. "It matters not, Watari. Now, we had better board."_

_The car stopped and I stepped out of the car first, waiting for Watari. When he emerged, I came forward and embraced him, much to his surprise._

" _My! What is this for, son?"_

" _For not wishing to dump a trifle over my head. I'm sure I have deserved it multiple times over the years."_

_Watari laughed out loud then. "I can't say it hasn't occurred to me! But you're welcome. Happy Birthday, L."_

" _Thank you Watari. Now, I truly don't have to eat these, correct?"_

_"My boy I do highly doubt Mrs. Coppersmith is trying to poison you..."_

_"Any percentage of a possibility is reason to be concerned."_

_"Now you are sounding like yourself again..."_


	43. Adversity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse
> 
> New song - Somewhere Only We Know - Lily Allen

**Chapter 43. Adversity**

**Winchester – 24** **th** **of November**

I sat crouched on my hands and knees on the kitchen floor, receiving funny looks from Mrs. Coppersmith as I directed my words toward the closed cupboard.

"Poppet," I began patiently. "You really do need to come out."

"No!" The answer returned, small and fierce. "I'm staying! You can't make me move!"

I rested back on my heels, discouraged. I had been immersed in these intense negotiations for fifteen minutes, ever since the kitchen staff had informed me that Ella had barricaded herself inside the cabinet under the sink. She was proving to be the most stubborn person I ever had to parley with and I didn't see any end in sight.

"But there's nothing fun to do in there," I tried to be convincing. "Aren't you bored?"

"No, I'm fine, thank you." Came her curt reply. She seemed prepared to settle in there for the winter.

Ever since Anne, Jude and I had returned to Wammy's, Ella had been different, distant even. When I had gone to hug her after arriving she had stood frozen, stiff as a board with a livid look in her usually joyful eyes. Over the last few weeks, she had softened a little, but never had returned to her normal, welcome effervescence. All efforts to do so had been spectacular failures on my part.

"She's angry that you left." L had finally decided on the phone the night before. Unfortunately, he still had not been able to return to Wammy's due to a never abating amount of work. "Betrayed, even. You didn't tell her you were going, she felt abandoned. That's why this behavior continues."

"But I didn't tell anyone! Everyone else seemed happy to see us again." I whinged, sitting on my sofa, my knees drawn up to my chin. "And I bought her such a lovely doll. Shiny black hair, big bright eyes- just like her! She didn't even seem to like it. In fact, I found it set down next to Near's robots an hour ago. It looked quite out of place."

He sighed and I felt a small thrill at the sound. "I don't believe presents are going to console her, Grace. The child sees you as a mother figure; it was as if she lost a parent again when you left."

Pain struck my heart at the thought. He was right of course. I had cast off my responsibilities to go to London and I now was paying the price by being kept at arm's length.

"I wish you had told me this when you saw me there." I brooded, feeling even more guilty.

"I told you before I even left the property. Did I not say the children were asking of your whereabouts?"

I groaned and covered my face with my hand. "You did. You did. It's my fault. I must find a way to make things right. I feel like I've tried everything."

"I'm certain you will reconcile." He assured then cleared his throat. "Anger is a feeling as much as love, the fact that she's expressing anything at all toward you shows she cares."

"Oh, is that why we have rowed since the day we met, then?" I teased.

"Stranger things have happened…" His voice had a faraway tone to it. "Hopefully soon I will return."

"I do hope so." I replied, hushed. "Things never are the same without you here."

In some posh hotel in Brussels, I pictured him smile weakly and close his eyes. "I feel very much the same way, Grace, I assure you. It won't be long now."

I hoped that he was right, it had been long enough as it was. It was obvious L wasn't going to make it to the ball. Wammy was coming that night but would have to leave again at the party's end. Before I had been called to retrieve Ella, I had been holed up in Anne's bedroom discussing that very subject.

"You'll still have a good time, won't you, Gracie?" Anne had asked as she stood before her mirror, her ruby colored frock held up in front of her. "I mean, since L won't be here?"

I gave her a incredulous smile. "Of course, I will. It will be lovely and I'm looking forward to seeing the Cornells again."

She turned back to wink. "Me too. I can't wait to see Lee in a fine suit, and wait till the lads see  _you_!"

I rolled my eyes. "No one will be looking at me, hush. Everyone will be completely entranced by the dark, raven-haired beauty the entire evening is in celebration of!"

She grinned. "Flattery gets you everywhere with me, huh?" Her voice turned thoughtful as she went back to admiring the shimmering fabric. "When L  _does_  come back, what will you say to him?"

The familiar blush warmed my cheeks as I traced the pattern on her bedspread with my finger. "Welcome home, I suppose."

She nearly dropped the dress and groaned. "G, you two snogged like crazy the last time you saw him. You'd better say something more than that!"

"Er, I'm happy the missions were successful?"

My best friend crossed the room to swipe me with a member of her pillow arsenal. "You're being difficult on purpose! Why don't you just say "I love you"? You know, get it right out in the open!"

"Anne Walters, I can't do that. The kiss…it was a passionate moment provoked by a heated exchange that we both fell susceptible to. When we have spoken, it hasn't been mentioned. He may not want to remember his moment of weakness."

Now she stared at me with her mouth hanging open. "You-you just took the most powerful, beautiful moment you've had in your twenty-one years and made it seem as boring as a lecture on centipedes! Gracie, you love him, he loves  _you_. I'm so sure of that. Maybe you should just do a repeat performance and kiss him again!"

"I'm certain that I'll hug him, but as for anything further than that, I can't say. L and I well, we're different than Liam and you. We're not as open, as personable, as honest about our hearts. We despised each other for years—this is so different, so unbelievably bizarre."

"Look, all I know is that he looks at you like you're the most precious thing on Earth," Anne began, her eyes showing their sincerity. "And you blush and look after him like he's the answer to the problem you have never been able to solve. Who knows what Jude must see but as an average person—I can see this plainly. You guys are crazy about each other, and it's time to do something about the loneliness, the fears, the distance you try to maintain, because neither of you will be happy until you have the other. And I won't be happy until my sister's happy so add me to your heavy conscience if you must. Just stop worrying about other people's happiness and focus on your own, Gracie. The world won't end if you take some time for yourself. That goes for L too. Believe me. It doesn't matter how much good you do through your work. You need to make yourself feel good too. Really, what have you to lose?"

* * *

I thought of this now on the kitchen floor as the Copper tsked her tongue and stepped around me to check the stew on the stove. "It can't be comfortable in there." I noted conversationally. "And quite dark."

"I don't mind it." Ella replied from within the dark caverns, not believing her words.

I sensed her weakening and brought up an amusing anecdote. "L told me when we were small, he'd hide right where you are because he didn't like how noisy I was. He sat there until he didn't fit anymore!"

I took the pause that followed as a good sign. "Is that why he stands funny?" she asked innocently and I smiled.

"It could very well be so, Ella. Ask him next time he's home."

She was quiet then. "You're going to go away again, aren't you, Miss Gracie?"

I flinched at her accusatory tone. "No, I'm staying right here. Why do you think that?"

"Well, L said he was going to bring you back, when you went away, but he didn't come back…" her voice trailed off. "So maybe you have to go get him."

I laughed silently at the thought of me traveling to L's latest location to insist upon him coming home. "No, he'll come back on his own. Promise."

I heard a rustling inside the cupboard as the door slowly opened and then Ella's pensive face appeared, meeting my eyes. "I suppose I can come out." She thought aloud with the weariness of a sixty-year-old woman.

I grinned. "I'd like you to."

"Yes, I'd like her to as well." Coppersmith sneered, waving a wooden spoon above my head. "Children always underfoot in this kitchen, how's a body supposed to get anything done?"

Ella reemerged completely, dragging Mr. Tao behind her. I took her free hand and helped her up, dusting off her corduroy dress. "I like it ever so much more to talk to you face to face." I informed her warmly. "Because I have a question to ask."

"What, Miss Gracie?"

"Well, Miss Annie's big party is tomorrow and I need a helper to assist me in finding her the perfect present in town. Would you like to come with me?"

She nodded slowly, her dear smile growing every second. "Okay, if you really need my help."

"Believe me I do." I promised her, inwardly dancing with joy that she seemed to be returning to her old self. "Why don't you get your coat and we can drive into town?"

The smile was reaching its usual luminescence as we left the kitchen and Ella nodded before tearing up the front staircase to her bedroom. I sat down on the bottom step to pull on my gloves with satisfaction. Mission accomplished.

"Hey, G!"

I looked up to see Mello standing on my left, with his hand propped on his hip and Matt on my right both looking at me expectantly. They seemed to have materialized from nowhere.

"Er, yes?"

"We want to go into town too!" Mello insisted and Matt nodded emphatically. Oh Lord…

I sighed. "I didn't expect this to be an all-day affair, boys. It's more of a top-secret mission that Anne can't know about."

"Well we won't tell her!" The tow-headed charmer promised. "It's just that we still need stuff, y'know, for the dance."

I crossed my arms. "Like what?"

The two friends shared a sheepish look. "Uh, suits."

I groaned, smacking my forehead. "Suits, really? Why don't you already have them? Roger said he placed an order for everyone."

"Yeah, well we don't want to wear those stuffy ones-we want somethin' snappy, somethin' smart."

"We want to look dishy and sophisticated." Matt explained calmly and I suppressed the urge to laugh.

"Dishy and sophisticated? Really? And you think a shop in Winchester will make this possible?"

"Yeah!"

I sighed, deciding this was a battle I wasn't going to endure. "Very well, you can come, but before either of you either buy or hire a suit, I have to pass judgment on it, all right?"

The rider I had tacked on they didn't care for, but they mumbled in agreement anyway.

"Good, now get your coats, we're ready to go."

The two of them tore off tripping over each other as they headed upstairs and as soon as they left earshot I fell victim to an uncontrollable giggle fit. "Dishy!" I wheezed, trying to compose myself before Ella returned. "I never thought I'd see the day!"

Once again, I felt the deep pang that came from wishing L was there to share such a funny story with, but such thoughts were unneeded and I stood up determined not to miss him even more than I did. It wouldn't bring him back any faster.

* * *

Matt and Mello stood before the salesperson in the suit shop, Mello meeting his eyes with a devious glint and Matt scratching the back of his opposite leg with the toe of his combat boot. I sighed and gave the slightly intimidated balding man in a smart blue suit my best disarming smile.

"My dear sir, these two will be of no trouble to you. They simply have a grand occasion for which they need to be attired while I take this child with me to the jeweler half a block down the road. They are not to purchase a single thing until I return and give my consent. I promise once again that they will be on their best behavior in your establishment. Right, boys?"

Mello elbowed Matt to back him up and they gave enthusiastic agreement to my words.

"Splendid." I smiled as the salesman nodded leaving us to prepare two dressing rooms and dropped my voice. "So, help me the two of you better be better than angels or I'm making both of you wear short pants tomorrow evening, and it won't matter if they fit or not!"

Matt gulped and nodded while Mello grinned at me. "Not only angels, G, the highest level of seraphim in heaven!"

I smirked as I led Ella away from the cuff link display case. "I'm not asking for a miracle, Mello, just not to bring shame upon the house, all right?"

"Worry not, Red!" he teased as Ella and I left out of the front door. I tried not to cringe when I heard him then ask the man what they carried in formal leather and purposefully strode forward.

"Are we going to look for Miss Annie's present now?" Ella asked cheerfully as she swung Mr. Tao in her other hand.

I nodded we reached the front door to Lively's Fine Jeweler and Watchmaker's. "Yes, I just know we'll find something lovely…"

"And perfect!" she chimed in as I opened the heavy door and shepherded her inside.

I stopped dead in my tracks at the shock of who was already in the shop. "And unexpected." I finished with dread. "Very unexpected."

Andrew Hargrove was leaning over the glass counter and commanding the jeweler's attention as I hesitated with Ella by the door. "I'd like to see that one, good chap. The three-caret solitaire, with the platinum band. Oh that's just the job."

My head was dizzy. He hadn't seen us; there was still time to make an escape.

"It's that man you don't like, Miss Gracie!" Ella gasped and I wished the floor would just open up and swallow me whole.

The attentive elderly shop owner noticed us then and smiled warmly, pushing up his glasses. "Ah, good afternoon! If you young ladies would not mind waiting a few minutes, I will be happy to assist you."

Drat. Andrew's gaze, formerly obsessed with jewels fell on us. His jaw tightened for a moment before he smiled as simpering a smile as he could muster. I felt relief that at least he wasn't happy to see me either.

"Miss Deacon, how good it is to see you, I'd say looking far better than you did when we parted last! It must be the company!" he greeted cuttingly as the jeweler showed him the ring he had requested. Andrew held up the ring to the light and informed the man that he had found the one. Now this was a mystery I didn't really want to solve. Why on earth was he there with an engagement ring? Surely, he still did not hold out hope I would finally relent, did he? He wasn't truly that detached from reality.

"Ah, Lord Hargrove, a splendid choice! Who might the lucky woman be?"

Again, another derisive smirk my way. "She's the most breathtaking woman on earth. All others are mere weeds to my flower!"

I caught my breath, but it came out in a laugh when I realized there was no possible way he was referring to me. Ella twisted around to stare at the many handcrafted clocks lining the wall; Andrew's purchase the least of her concern.

"Is that right?" The shopkeeper chuckled. "You are a fortunate man then, my lord. A very fortunate man!"

"I do know it. I wish for an inscription to be placed inside the ring as well."

The man rummaged for a pen and pad of paper, then awaited Andrew's words. I stood marveling at the rapidity of this courtship. I mentally filed it as another humorous story to tell L.

"Please inscribe," Andrew puffed out his chest. "My darling, love never dies." It was obvious he hadn't thought up that one himself but he seemed proud anyway.

"A nice choice, Andrew." I spoke up with a smile. God help the unfortunate girl who had been caught in his net.

His returning smile as he made his recitation disappeared at my not using his title yet again. "Er, yes, I think my angel will truly appreciate this promise of happiness. Unlike some poor souls who have missed their chance."

I laughed out loud then, bewildering the store owner. "If you say so, I'd rather not think of it that way."

Ella turned away from the cuckoo clocks to meet Andrew head on. "Miss Gracie and L are married and they'll be happy forever and ever!" she announced in a matter of fact tone and then showed Mr. Tao a pretty clock at her eye level, disregarding the aghast look on Hargrove and my faces.

The jeweler laughed, clasping his hands together. "How wonderful!"

Andrew shot me a blazing glare. "Married?" he demanded. "I've heard no word of this. Since when?"

I redirected the question. "I could ask you the same thing."

"Lady Annabelle has always been dear to me, the finest beauty in the county." He sniffed. "The woman I should have been throwing myself at the feet of instead of other ungrateful females." Having said his piece, he handed the ring back to the jeweler. "I'll return at five o'clock, will that be enough time?"

"Oh, most likely, sir. My nephew's helping me out, today."

"Good," Andrew turned on his heel and slipped past us with a withering glance. "Good day, Grace and Little Girl."

I couldn't let him go so cruelly as we had parted in the past. "Er, Lord Andrew?"

He sighed and turned impatiently on his heel. "Yes, what is it?"

I looked into the green eyes of my long-time suitor and felt no rancor. "Before you go, I want to wish you happy." I informed him sincerely, "That's all."

Andrew swallowed hard, then the defensiveness and superiority melted away. "I told you he didn't look that way at everyone." He answered gruffly and then left without waiting for my response.

I watched him go, a smile growing across my face. I had a feeling his proposal would succeed.

"Ah!" The shopkeeper finally gave his attention to us. "It's one of those weeks, girls! Love is in the air! Just yesterday I sold an engagement ring to the most smitten fellow and now I've sold two! What can I help you find?"

I walked up with Ella to the display case where he stood and my eyes instantly fell on an exquisite three string necklace of white gold and red venetian glass laid across a tan velvet frame. It would complement Anne's scarlet dress magnificently. "Actually, sir, I think I've found it!"

"Marvelous! It's really one of those days!"

* * *

"Now, say thank you, Ella." I prodded her as Mr. Lively handed her a balloon from the window display.

She took it carefully in the same hand she held her bear. "Thank you very very very much!" she told him enraptured and the kind man chuckled as he handed me my wrapped gift.

"You're welcome, dear. Take care, now!"

"Good afternoon!" We called as we stepped back through the door and outside.

Ella played with her balloon as I led her down the street. A crowd was forming at the corner across from the suit shop and I tightened my hold on her mittened hand. They seemed peaceful but one could never be sure. Of one thing I was incredibly thankful was neither of the boys were among them.

Carefully, I edged closer, pretending to glance into the storefront windows and noticed that a shoddily dressed man in his late twenties was the cause for all the attention as he stood on a wooden crate passing out fliers. "Kira is the Angel of Death!" he cried out, manically waving his arms. "Rapists, murderers—all of them are dying to make the world a better place. We must praise Lord Kira so that he continues to do his wonderful work slaying the unclean! Who's with me?"

A cheer rose up from the bystanders and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Kira, bloody Kira. The news was discussing him more and more, a supposed entity ridding the world of criminals. People were starting to venerate him as a god-a common senseless murderer, parallel with a deity. The world had truly gone mad.

"Miss Gracie!" Ella cried out gesturing wildly at the balloon now rising up out of her grasp with a gust of icy wind. "It's getting away! It's getting away!"

Damn. I sighed and jogged with her down the street, my heart sinking when the balloon drifted by the fanatic and he caught it easily in his outstretched hand.

I reluctantly broke into the circle of people to retrieve it, Ella waiting expectantly by me, He gave her a smile he handed it back to her and handed me a red sheet of paper. "There you are! Now, Madam, I'm here today to urge you to join the thousands who already support Lord Kira, who never wish for him to be caught and for all who try to fail! Will you accept Kira as your savior?"

It was becoming inevitable that this case was going to be one L would wish to take. We hadn't discussed it, but I knew it had so many qualities that would entice him. The global scale, the complete mystery of it, the sense of danger. I glanced down at the flier I took from the man denoting Kira's many triumphs against evil and his godlike ability and quickly crumpled it in my hand.

The crowd grew quiet as I tossed the worthless propaganda to the ground.

"I refuse to see a murderer as a god." I answered him calmly never breaking eye contact and pulled Ella away from the gawking group.

"That's not true! Kira is the savior! He's making a safer world for you and your little girl there, lady. You should be grateful!"

I couldn't resist and shot back. "People were making the world a safer place long before this "Kira". How quickly you forget them!"

He closed his mouth and pointed a finger in my direction. "Don't listen to the nonbeliever! Kira is the only one to thank! The only one worthy of the name "Hero"!"

Furiously I stalked across the street almost dragging Ella behind me to get away from those stupid, idiotic people. "Miss Gracie! Miss Gracie! What's wrong?!" Ella cried, nearly tripping over her feet to keep up with my fuming strides.

"The only one worthy of the name "hero"—how moronic. All he is is a killer-a serial killer, why can't people see that?" I muttered to myself and Ella could only listen and wonder.

"That man made you angry." She noted solemnly as she took in my incensed expression. "Why?"

"Because he's small minded and unaware that he is wrong. He makes those who risk their lives for justice seem unnecessary and useless. I don't like people like that."

"He said I was your little girl." She said thoughtfully. "That made me happy."

I stopped in front of the suit shop and looked down at the little girl radiating pure love.

"You are very special to me, poppet. That makes me happy too."

Ella smiled bigger and started to skip. "I hope Miss Annie likes her present! I think the necklace is ever ever so pretty!"

"Me too. Now let's see what the lads have found for me to veto."

"Veto? What's that mean?"

"Oh, it means that I say no to something they want." I led her in the shop ahead of me and once again was frozen where I stood.

Mello stood before me, preening in the three-sided mirror, dressed in a black morning coat buttoned at the chin, black and white striped trousers and a black top hat.

"And now you'll see the word in practice." I told her under my breath as Mello turned to grin at me.

"What do you think Grace? Don't I look positively scrumptious?"

I opened my mouth and couldn't produce any words, dissenting or otherwise. Ella laughed out loud.

"Wow, Mister Mello! Wow!"

His blue eyes sparkled as he made a complete turn. "But that's not the best part!" he announced, picking up a silver cane with a dragon head. "Now I'm ready to party!"

I stared at him, feeling a strange sense of comfort. This vile Kira may be singlehandedly changing the way some people looked at justice, but for the rest of us some things would never, ever change.

"Mello," I gave him my sweetest smile. "In how many languages would you like my resounding answer of No?"


	44. Resilience

**Chapter 44. Resilience**

"Ow! That hurt!"

"Relax, I'm almost done!"

"All right…. youch! Must you be so rough?!"

"Grace, I told you. If I don't make the curls tight it may not keep all night. You don't want your hair falling down in the middle of the ball, do you? What would you do then?"

"I'm pretty certain I'd suffer the bedraggled look far easier than this needless torture."

"Pfftt...now stay still."

I squeezed my eyes shut and instinctively reached up to touch the tresses that had been ruthlessly yanked by the roots. I wanted to make certain my hair was still attached to my scalp: a very unwise move on my part as I shot up out of my seat the instant my fingertips made contact with the scorching hot metal barrel.

"DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN JINYA, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!" I yelped, blowing on my injured fingers and completely regretting accepting her offer to be of any help to me.

Jinya lowered the curling iron back down on to the table and groaned. "Well what else is going to happen when you do just what I told you not to? Sit back down, I still have to do Anne, remember? And we're running out of time."

Muttering about how she probably enjoyed burning the dickens out of me, I sat back down warily. "I just don't see why I need to have my hair curled when it's already curlier than I can manage. It seems redundant."

Jinya actually stamped her foot as she picked up a bottle of hairspray. "Oh my God…it's so different. I'm making  _ringlets_ , Grace. I'm giving your hair  _shape_. You want to look  _nice_ don't you?"

"Are you implying that I look horrid the rest of the time?" I scowled, checking my fingertips for second degree burns.

"It's a special occasion…just because "you know who's" not going to be here doesn't give you an excuse to look like a dowd!"

I blushed a little and was quite thankful she couldn't see me do so.

""You know who"? I didn't even know the dark lord was invited! This guest list gets crazier and crazier!"

I raised my head to see Anne grinning at me from the doorway, making Jinya swear under her breath since I had moved out of her grasp yet again.

"G, dammit! Stay still!"

I rolled my eyes. "How does the ballroom look?"

"Oh, I still haven't gotten a peek." Anne sighed plopping down on my bed. "Mrs. Coppersmith says I'm not allowed."

"Nonsense...it's your party." I frowned as Jinya fiercely pulled my hair back and clamped another frizzy section in the jaws of her iron. The girl would never have a career as a stylist, except perhaps for a prison or the military.

"Yep, that doesn't matter. It's a  _surprise_."

"Well I wouldn't want to see it yet anyway. It's not even ready." Jinya spoke up as she spritzed my head liberally with her enormous hair spray canister. "They've been cleaning it for weeks and weeks, polishing the floors, painting the walls. I heard Roger say it hasn't been used since the former owners had parties here in the thirties. You've got to wait until it's done. It'll be worth it."

I had to slip out of her heavy-handed grasp to give her a disbelieving look. "Come now, Jin, you're the most impatient person I've ever met! You used to camp down at the Christmas tree at half two in the morning! If this ball was for you, you would have been sneaking in the room days ago!"

Jinya huffed at Anne's giggling and clamped a hand down on my shoulder to turn me forward again. "Hmmph, if we're going to bring up impatient people, who's the one who dives for a window at the sound of the car pulling up anymore?"

Anne didn't help the situation by giggling more. I tried to shoot her a dirty look but couldn't with my hair wrapped in a blistering hot vice. Instead I pouted.

"That is entirely different. It is my responsibility to keep on top of house affairs."

"You almost made that believable, Gracie. But not completely." Anne's eyes were shining. "Did you ever think she'd get so giddy over somebody, Jin?"

Jinya planted her other hand on her hip and tossed back her trendy bob tinged bright pink. "No, never. Especially not over  _L._ Fritzie and me can't get over it."

"When do you ever find time to converse? I thought undressing each other occupied most of your day." I snapped, annoyed as she let a piping hot curl fall onto the back of my neck. I took the sudden instance of heat against my skin as a warning and kept the rest of my retort to myself.

She bent her head down to hiss in my ear. "We don't just shag, Grace. Not that you would know anything about it…well not yet anyway. Give L a couple of years."

I bit my tongue and hoped she'd be finished soon.

My tormentor changed her demeanor as she turned to Anne. "Have you decided what you want done with your hair yet, amiga?"

Anne sighed and played with a dark braid. "Something simple. I don't need anything fancy."

"What?!" Jinya and I were for once in agreement. "You must do something elegant with it, Annie." I insisted. "It won't do to leave it plain."

"Remember, it's  _your_  ball." Jinya pointed out. "All eyes will be on you. Well, and Liam too."

"No, they won't." Anne grinned sneakily. "Not after G finally gave in and let Mello buy that suit."

I shrugged giggling. "At least he didn't buy the hat. I had to draw the line somewhere, but he loved the ensemble so much, and once Ella and Matt saw, there was no budging them. I didn't see the harm."

Jinya wrinkled her nose as she removed a hair grip from the hem of her shirt. "He's going to look like a pimp."

"A pimp? How do you even know what one's supposed to look like!" I exclaimed as my head was further abused by the pin nearly being driven into my skin.

"I do watch telly, you know and all of the Cornells are going to laugh hysterically when they see him. They'll think we're all mad."

"Well, we are." Anne's eyes glittered. "And they'll just adore him like they've adored everyone else in this mad house."

"Even  _L?"_

"Why would he be excluded?" I demanded hotly as another hair grip scratched the nape of my neck. I was certain one of these fasteners was going to produce blood. "Of course, they are fond of him! He was nothing but respectful to Liam's family!"

Anne looked above me at the self-professed stylist. "Don't you just love when she defends her man's honor?" Returning to my scowling expression, she grinned. "He may have been respectful to Lee's family, Gracie, but his kindness didn't extend past them to Lee's friends."

"You know as well as I do the reason for that." I sniffed as Jinya brushed my fringe to the side and arranged some tendrils to frame my indignant face. "They all were prejudiced against each other. How is L supposed to befriend them when they have already decided that he's a despicable person?"

"They didn't come up with that on their own you know. You weren't exactly singing L's praises when we first got to London." Anne stopped her joking as Jinya fit a sequined dark purple headband over my finished hairstyle and decided to gush instead. "Oh Gracie, just wait till you see, it looks so pretty!"

"It had better be so after all the effort it took." I sighed as Jinya moved in front of me, her practiced index finger hovering over the nozzle of her spray can. I couldn't help flinching.

"Now close your eyes really tight, Grace, or all of my hard work will be for nothing. And I refuse to let that happen."

I shut my eyes and felt my head bombarded from all directions as the overly strong scent of product filled my nostrils and got caught in my throat.

"Good lord!" I choked as she finally stopped her assault.

"Don't kill her now, Jin Jin!" Fritz laughed as he poked his head in the doorway. "She has to be in top shape to dance with me tonight!"

I was thankful the curling iron was far away from the angry girl as she shot me a cold look. "Dance with you? What about me, Fritzie? You're going as  _my_  date, not hers!"

Fritz wisely backpedaled from his words as he ran a hand through his blonde hair. "Well of course I am, Jingle, but I'm going to dance the first one with Grace. We've been here at the House the longest and the oldest members of a family usually open the ball. We learned that when Monsieur Lavinier used to come here."

"Oh, well you're right about the  _old_  part." She sniffed and I shared an annoyed look with Anne. Jinya could be jealous at the drop of a hat, and for her to even remotely think I was a threat to her lovefest with Fritz was absurd but unfortunately not out of the ordinary. There had been a time when she had been giving Mrs. C the stink eye because it seemed she was giving Fritz extra helpings at supper. "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach you know!" she had said then, defending her resentment.

"Jinya, L can't come, remember? Grace is going to need dance partners." Anne tried to placate the haughty teenage girl. "It wouldn't be nice to leave her all by herself."

"Oh, for pity's sake, I'm not a bloody charity case, Anne." I protested finally standing up from the torturous chair. "It is simply a manner of respect to be asked to dance."

"And downright rudeness to not be." Fritz helpfully pointed out from the corridor. "And all of us want to be our best behavior tonight."

I settled next to Anne on the bed as Jinya mulled this over. "Yeah, I guess it would be fun to see how many gorgeous men ask me to dance while I'm free. And of course, how many I accept. After all, if it's a matter of  _respect._ "

Fritz frowned, likely not agreeing. "Hold on just a minute. Gorgeous men? Accepting? I don't think that's a good idea Jin Jin."

Her fiery glare fell on him and she strode to the doorway, her hands on her hips "Oh, so I'm supposed to be a wallflower with the plain girls who all have warts on their noses and two left feet while you whirl another woman around the room? I don't think so, mi novio. Jingle's going to have her fun too!"

I hid my laughter behind my hand as Fritz became even more irritated. "But Jinya, the thought of you in another man's arms makes me sick to my stomach. You belong to me, you know! If I see any other bloke touch you, I swear I'll deck him!"

"You'll do no such thing!" I cried out but it was obvious Jinya was pleased.

"Oh? And what will you say to the man before you punch him?" she purred, running a hand expertly across his chest.

Fritz took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around her. "I'll say, get your dirty, no good, baseborn hands off of my woman before I teach you a lesson!"

Jinya squealed and Anne and I laughed. "Fritz, you've been watching way too many forties noir films!" my best friend remarked.

"Well at least he's not demanding satisfaction." I shrugged as Jinya slithered even closer to him. I hoped no small children were in the hallway at that moment. There would be much to explain if there were.

"I think you're amazing!" she cooed to a pleased Fritz. "And so protective!"

"Am I?" he beamed. "Well, it's good to know you won't do anything so silly tonight. Dancing with other men, I felt my heart stop for a second there."

"Well, then don't stay away too long from me." She batted her eyelashes up at him. "A girl gets lonely, you know."

She wasn't wrong there. Quietly, I stood up from the bed and slipped past the pair of them as Anne playfully tried to call Jinya back to her duty.

"That's it! I'm just wearing a ponytail!" she announced and I heard Jinya protest vehemently as I continued down the hall, my head feeling quite heavy with all of my hair curled and piled on top of it and my eyes pricking with tears.

"You dare, Anne Walters! You dare!"

* * *

I didn't like it when Jinya was right, but this was an occasion where she was spot on. Whenever I heard a car drawing up, I felt a compulsion to find the closest window to see if the familiar black head would be emerging out of the back of the Rolls. I never thought someone could be the center of my universe, rather like people of old imagined the earth to be, but it was undeniably, absolutely true. I missed him, I missed him dreadfully. I understood that he was far too busy to make it for the ball that evening, but it didn't make the pain any less to rationalize it.

I wanted to be close to him again, perhaps not as ridiculously as Fritz and Jinya, but at least near enough to brush his wild hair out of his penetrating eyes, to be folded back into his arms and have the blessed knowledge that he wasn't in any danger, that he was safe. I longed for peace of mind instead of the constant worry, the whispered prayers to keep him protected, and the sleepless nights I suffered from as a result.

It was at this morose moment that my mobile started to ring, and I took a deep shaky breath before I answered.

"Er hello?"

I always underestimated his ability to know when things weren't right. "Grace, what's the matter? Have you been crying?"

"Er, no not really…"

"The pitch of your voice has risen and the delivery of your words is quavering. I demand you to tell me what's happened."

"Really, L. Nothing's happened. I promise."

"It's because I cannot attend tonight, isn't it? I have told you I regret that deeply, G…"

"No! I'm not that petty. I just was upset for a moment, but I'm calm again. Honestly."

He was quiet as he mulled over this. "But what upset you?"

I closed my eyes, alone in the corridor. I could hear his breathing on the other end. "The future." I admitted. "It seems so uncertain."

He took in another breath and I heard the patient tone surface. "Nonsense. There is nothing to fear in the future. In fact, I believe there is much to look forward to."

I knew he meant more glory and challenges and made a sardonic reply. "Do you ever not think about work, L?"

"I wasn't referring to work or any prospective cases. I was talking about seeing you again." He answered plainly and caused me to lose my capability of speech.

"Really?" I couldn't hide my smile, and let it break free. It was amazing how the simplest of words from him made the anguish evaporate like it had never been there.

"Of course," his voice carried a tender fondness. "Do you doubt me? Are you calling me a liar?"

Damn him! I blushed more. "No…it's just rather nice, is all."

"I don't expect you to reciprocate that sentiment, life at the house is much more taxing and hectic than my work. You likely don't have time to miss me much."

I shook my head as I spoke truthfully. "You're wrong there."

I knew I had surprised him when he didn't answer straightaway. "Oh, er I see. I have to say it feels good to be incorrect, at least this time."

"I like being right." I joked half-heartedly and the quiet that could only come from L's mind whirring returned.

"I suppose without my presence tonight, you will be in the company of others…" he left his words hanging in the air.

I didn't doubt where this was going, Jinya wasn't the only jealous one. "Yes, a ball tends to have more than two people attending."

"Grace, don't be facetious." I knew he was pouting. "Those boys will be there, won't they? Liam's friends?"

" _Boys_!" I had to laugh. "They're older than  _you_!"

"Be that as it may, they will be there. And you will be unprotected."

"They have assured Anne that they will be perfect gentleman. And why would I need to protect myself from them anyway?'

"Because the combination of free-flowing alcohol and a lovely woman will make some men lose their heads." His voice was low. "It happened in London with that pub incident, did it not?"

"Lovely?" I smiled. "Why thank you. That's a compliment I will fully accept, but the pub incident as you insist upon calling it was harmless fun. Nothing got out of hand."

L cleared his throat for a few moments and I grinned more. "I will have to speak with Fritz about keeping an eye on you. And have a word with the security staff."

"L, Fritz will have his eye on no one but his Jin Jin, especially if she does end up dancing with other men, and the security staff will not be concerned about whether I dance with anyone. More like if anyone shows up with a concealed weapon."

"Must you be so difficult?" his words were strained. "I don't want to admit to such a weakness as jealousy regarding this, but I will. It's one of those rare times when I wish I had any other position but this. If only…"

"You're not going to step down because you want to go to the ball, Cinder L." I whispered teasingly. "Wammy won't accept a resignation with that reasoning."

"Why is it so much harder this time?"

"What do you mean?" I found the library to be empty and slipped inside, closing the door behind me.

"Being apart. Usually I can handle it. But this time," he let out a lusty sigh. "Grace…"

My heart ached, he had never been so forthright in our conversations. "I know…"

"Watari told me to leave this case aside for the evening, but I was so stubborn, insisting upon not a moment being wasted."

I settled down on the window seat and closed my eyes. "It's this Kira rubbish keeping you occupied, isn't it?"

"Well partly. How could you possibly have guessed?"

"It's hard not to think about it." I admitted, remembering the fanatic with the fliers from the previous day. The zeal in his eyes and words had been unsettling.

"I don't want you thinking about it. Your mind shouldn't be bothering with such nonsense tonight."

"Well that's the trouble with thoughts. Sometimes they stray to subjects you'd rather not think about." I answered quietly

"Or thoughts you want to." His voice had taken that distant tone again. "Rendering any practical thought impossible."

As much as I enjoyed his words, I didn't want to leave him so despondent. "We both have a job to do. Yours is saving the world, mine is making sure Mello doesn't cause bodily harm to anyone with a bloody dragon cane. When you return, perhaps we can put work aside for a bit, so you can relax."

"I'd like that, but I don't expect being able to rest long."

"I know that too. You're in such high demand but you deserve a holiday, however brief.…"

"Yes, we do have much to talk about…"

The library door burst open and a grinning Ella and laughing Kensey peered in at me. "Miss Gracie! You promised to help us get dressed! Then we want to help  _you_!"

"Someone already did your hair though." Kensey frowned and I had to chuckle.

"Not to worry, dear, I still need my nails painted if you'd like to do that."

Kensey became glad again. "Purple! Like your dress! Right?!"

I nodded and the two little girls scampered off to their bedroom.

"You're wearing purple?" L asked thoughtfully.

I blushed, remembering his words the last time I had seen him. "Violet, always violet." It had been ultimately my reason for purchasing the dress that I had. "Yes, it's not my typical choice, but then again tonight is special."

"I see… G, I had better let you attend to the others. There is likely still much to do."

"Yes, the list never ends. I certainly hope no one else in the house plans to get engaged soon!" I giggled but trailed off when I realized he hadn't joined me.

"L? Are you still there?"

I heard some rustling in the background. "Er…yes. Good night Grace, I hope you enjoy yourself thoroughly this evening." He answered gruffly.

"Oh yes, you -" I was stunned that the call had already been disconnected. "too."

Shaking my head, I slipped the mobile back into my robe pocket and crossed the library to the door. One thing that had never changed about L was his ability to completely flabbergast me out of nowhere. I rather wished it had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the Chap: Are We There Yet?-Ingrid Michaelson
> 
> New chap song – If It Kills Me – Jason Mraz
> 
> Thank you for reading! Next chapter - the ball begins!


	45. Celebration

**Chapter 45. Celebration**

There is no need to say that Quillish Wammy was a very wealthy man, this fact has already been established. However, what hasn't been said is that he tended to not waste his riches on gratuitous public display, quite unlike other families in the area, namely the Hargroves. The night of the engagement ball was not to be such an occasion as besides being well off, Wammy dearly loved to please his children. Tonight, was to be Anne's turn.

"Well, how do I look?"

I grinned as my sister came out from behind the Japanese print screen in her bedroom arrayed in the loveliest deep red ball gown with sequined straps resting slightly off of her shoulders, her lustrous black hair piled on top of her head in curls and interwoven with a red satin ribbon.

"Perfect." I answered as Ella and Kensey jumped up and down clapping. "Very befitting the belle of the ball."

"Miss Annie looks like Cinderella!" Kensey interjected. "Waiting to meet Prince Charming!"

"I agree." I got up from my chair to embrace my best friend. "I've never seen you look more beautiful. Liam is going to be beside himself."

Anne blushed. "I'm actually a little nervous about that, you know."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She shrugged as the little girls played with her skirts. "Dressing so fine, I'm afraid the Cornells will get the impression that I think I'm better than them."

"Annie!" I reprimanded her with a smile. "They could never think that. You are the most down to earth, genuine soul I've ever known. And everyone will be dressed fine, not just you!"

"There you go talking sense again." she sighed, biting back a smile. "Which reminds me, you still need to  _get_  dressed!"

"Yes, I suppose just lounging about with my makeup and hair done won't do all night." I stepped apart from her and began to untie my robe. "Go have a seat with the girls. I won't be long."

"Right." Anne beamed, taking Ella and Kensey by the hand and sitting with them on her bed. "We're waiting!"

Behind the screen, I unzipped the bag holding my gown and took a deep breath. L's rushed ending of our phone conversation still perplexed me. Was he all right? Did he have another important call coming in at that exact moment? Had I said something to offend him? I lifted the shimmering dress off of the hanger and held it against me for a moment. Back when I had held out hope to wear it dancing in his arms, I had longed for this night. Now, as it were, I was still quite excited, but the absolute romance of the moment wasn't meant to be.

"I suppose I could have someone take a picture of me all glammed up." I remarked quietly to myself as I carefully stepped into the dress. "So he doesn't completely miss out."

"Come on, Miss Gracie!" Ella urged from the bed. "We want to see!"

"Almost ready, poppet!" I called back as I slipped my arms through the straps and felt for the zipper below my back to finish changing. My fingers made contact with it and I managed to pull it up to the middle of my back where it ended. I straightened the skirts and closed my eyes. "Here goes nothing."

I came out from behind the partition and opened my eyes at the sounds of loud gasps.

"Oh, no is there something wrong with it? I thought the color might not suit me…" I fretted until Ella surged forward to wrap her arms as far as around my legs as they would go.

"Miss Gracie!" she cried out as Anne and Kensey joined her surrounding me in a tremendous hug, "You look like a doll!"

"A doll?!" I laughed patting her head where a floppy large yellow bow drooped to the side of her shining face. "How interesting!"

"Really girl," Anne was tearing up again. She had had trouble with her heightened emotions all day due to her uncontained happiness. "Just amazing."

"Amazing Grace!" Kensey added with a giggle. "Like the song!"

Anne dabbed her eyes as she stepped back. "I so wish L could see you tonight. I think it would be one of those moments where he couldn't hide his awe."

I smiled sadly, rolling my eyes. "You underestimate the man. I'm certain he would cough a bit and say I looked quite suitable or something else very guarded and that would be it."

My childhood friend laughed quietly and took me by the hand. "You must see yourself in the mirror, then you'll know that's completely wrong."

Anne's mirror stood by the window which looked out onto the slowly building night sky. She moved me in front of it and winked. "See?"

I stared back at myself unsettled. The dress was a stunning, slinky floor length sheath in the richest magenta hue that gravitated toward purple at the drop waist before blossoming back into the dark pinkish color. A single asymmetrical transparent strap draped over my right shoulder and fell into a long wispy fabric behind me, and three narrow sequined straps were placed over my left shoulder making the gown even more striking and unusual. It was certainly quite different than anything I had ever worn before but after the powerful convincing of my best friend and her future mother-in-law, I had tried it on in the shop despite my misgivings. Jinya's skill was admittedly apparent in the way she had arranged my curls at the back of my head and allowed some tendrils to fall down my neck and frame my face in an understated but elegant way. It almost made the torture of having my head yanked about worth it. My eyes looked enormous fringed in dark mascara and I could help biting down on my lips, painted a dark red. Was it really me there? I felt completely unlike myself, much more like the doll Ella had mentioned. And far too grown up.

"Okay, so now what do you think?" Anne teased, resting her radiant face next to mine. "I still think you'd knock him sideways."

"I don't believe he would recognize me." I whispered, turning away from the mirror. "Not that it matters, forecasting what L's reaction will be. He's not going to be here so there's no need."

Anne pouted and squeezed my arm. "Never say never, Gracie. The night is young you know."

"And Brussels is not across the road." I returned, wondering when she would leave off with the "you never knows" and such. I did know. L wasn't coming. It would do no good to dwell on that fact, it was much more productive to think of all the people that would be there instead. "Anyway, before we head downstairs, I must give you something."

"Oh, okay!" she noticeably brightened. "I can't think what surprise you have up your sleeve this time."

"Well, it's not just mine." I winked at Ella who caught my meaning and picked up the wrapped box that she had brought in the bedroom with her.

"Miss Gracie asked for my help, Miss Annie, but we found it straight away." She announced, bringing the box over to Anne, who stooped down to give her a little hug. Kensey watched Anne open the box with interest.

"You girls are so sweet, what did you do?" Anne asked absorbedly as she tore off the shiny paper and loosened the ribbon. Quietly, she lifted the lid off of the box and gasped. "Oh…it's gorgeous! It-it matches my dress!" Her eyes filled with tears again as she lifted the Venetian glass necklace up off of the velvet and fixedly gazed at the simple red glass heart that was the focal point. "I've never seen anything so beautiful, I can't believe you did this!"

"You should expect it." I smiled, feeling a bit teary myself. "I couldn't do enough, really."

She threw her arms around me tightly, laughing through her sniffles. "I never thought I could be so happy. It's one of those moments, you know?"

"What, like Caleb says?" I hugged her back. "The profound part of time you never want to forget?"

"Yeah!"

"I suppose you're right. I find those moments sprouting up all the time anymore."

"We haven't seen our last of them." Anne assured me, her eyes glittering. "I guarantee it."

* * *

At five of eight, the entire crowd of us were waiting eagerly in the front foyer for the doors of the ballroom to open. Mrs. Coppersmith stood before them now, looking quite formidable in a black high-necked number and a pill box hat placed over top of her grey bun. No one dared cross her.

I stood chatting with my favorite Mrs. C, Daisy, who was dressed charmingly in a forest green frock and a well fitted matching shrug, when Mello hurried up, the top hat jauntily tilted on his head after being left outside of his bedroom with a note a half hour previous. "Grace! I gotta say thanks again!" he lifted up his hand to tip the brim to me and Daisy smiled with delight at him.

"What a smart suit!" she exclaimed and Mello happily twirled his cane and did a turn for the approving woman. "Don't you look sophisticated..er..luv!"

"This is Mello." I explained as he nearly burst with pride. "And you've just made his night, Daisy."

"Charmed." Mello winked, before going back across the room where Jude and Matt stood looking incredibly uncomfortable dressed in their finest.

I glanced over to where Liam and Anne sat together on the steps, the former unable to still do anything but stare at his fiancée. "Do you think he's damaged in anyway?" I asked his mum with a smirk. "He hasn't said a word to her in ten minutes. He just stares!"

She placed a hand on my shoulder with a knowing look. "She does look beautiful, Gracie-darlin', I reckon that's the true test of being in love, making someone speechless with one glance."

"I'll take your word for it, ma'am."

The clock crept closer to eight and Nan approached, looking elegant in a silver flowing dress and an iridescent head wrap. "Where's your L, Grace?" she asked pushing her glasses up her nose. "I haven't seen hide nor hair of him!"

I sighed, already disliking my duty of excusing him to everyone. "He was called away for work, Nan. I haven't seen him since I was staying with you."

Nan tsked her tongue and patted my face fondly. "Eh, well I'm sure his heart is here."

Daisy frowned and moved closer, dropping her voice. "That night, Gracie, when you were at the hotel, Elliott left London so suddenly…nothing happened, right?"

I blushed incredibly, hoping for a distraction. "I don't know what you mean."

"They snogged, a bit of harmless fun." Nan piped up and as her daughter and I stared at her in disbelief, she shrugged. "What? Annie told me!"

"She did  _what_?!" I raised my voice, looking back to where the culprit sat with Liam, now resting her hand on his cheek. "I'm going to need to have a quiet word with her about discretion."

"But not tonight." Daisy urged, with a smile. "It doesn't surprise me anyway, luv. I promise I considered that possibility without anyone's input, and I'm sure Mum did too."

"I didn't  _need_  her to tell me, dear." Nan confided. "You're a bit of an open book when it comes to matters like that. So is L for that matter."

"Oh…Jude and you must compare notes, Nan, really."

"Attention! May I have everyone's attention please!"

Half of the room turned to see where Roger stood beside Mrs. Coppersmith, prepared to make his call to attention again. I silently blessed him for being undeterred from not succeeding the first time; he was quite used to the chaos of a noisy group of children daily after all. He cleared his throat and nodded to his right where I saw Near roll his eyes and hold up a mini gong that he halfheartedly hit with a mallet. The throbbing bell sound finally quieted everyone else, except for some of the younger children who giggled at Near's idea of fine attire, a pair of his white satin pajamas, an oversized black jacket and a bowtie. I thought he looked endearing despite it all.

"Thank you." Roger spoke up in the clear silence. "As I was saying, we are ready to open the doors and begin the festivities, but first, may we have Miss Anne and Mr. Liam join me here?"

Anne smiled shyly as everyone applauded, pulling Liam up to a standing position and leading him over to the doors, where she stood, holding tightly to his hand and preparing to speak.

"I, I just want to say to all of you thank you so so much for coming and celebrating with us. I always thought I had an enormous family but I'm so happy to make it even bigger. You can't know what it means to someone who had no one for three years of her life to have so many people to love now. It's a blessing, it's a gift, and I'm thankful for it every day. Every single one of you will always be in my heart, no matter where our paths lead us. Now, everyone, eat, drink, be merry, and I better see you dancing!"

I clapped hard with the others, willing the tears to stay in my eyes and not ruin Jinya's careful work yet again.

"Love you, Annie!" Daisy called emotionally and I saw Anne blow a kiss back to her and then gently nudge Liam forward. I quieted, worrying what on earth he would say after coming out of his catatonic state. I hoped it would be intelligible.

"Uh, all I gotta say." Liam played with the red bowtie at his neck as he looked out onto the expectant crowd. "Is that I am the luckiest bloke in the whole world and my future wife is such a bloody stunner that I can't get over it. Really, I ask you, how do you?! Here's to gorgeous kids, a lifetime of happiness and one wicked fun night!"

"Hear hear!" I cried, losing myself to laughter as the other occupants of the room cheered.

"With that," Wammy stepped forward, amusement evident in his eyes. "I welcome you all to our home and hope you enjoy yourselves thoroughly!"

Another cheer, then Mrs. C and Roger opened the double doors into the ballroom that's entrance had always stood to the right of the staircase but had been neglected for decades. I lined up with the others to step inside but already could hear Anne's, then everyone else's collective gasps. A few moments later I knew why.

The room was breathtaking. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling and bathed the space in proper light of perfect intensity, the walls were painted a sparkling light gold and one wall was entirely mirrors. The floor itself was a polished hardwood that would suffer the brunt of many dancers on it soon. Intimate clothed tables lined the west wall bearing all sorts of tempting foods and a string quartet was arranged by the far windows next to a set up for the disk jockey who would spin at intervals during the night.

I grinned as I saw the table set up at the entrance with two pictures in frames propped next to each other. The first was Anne at about five in an oversized white jumper and striped knee socks, holding a paintbrush and grinning at the camera, missing one tooth. The other was of a boy that had to be Liam in overalls and a backwards hat holding up a painted landscape with pride. "Not quite opposites" the sign beneath the picture read and everyone started to laugh. Anne of course had started to cry.

"It's us!" she cried as Daisy came forward, clucking tenderly and put an arm around her.

"It is, luv. Don't you too look so sweet!"

The table beside it had two other photos listed as "Friends and Family"

Anne's picture was the latest Wammy's House one taken over the summer, with every single child accounted for on the front steps of the house with the added entertainment of me pulling L back into the shot seconds after he tried to escape. At the center, Anne held a picture frame in front of her in that held a picture of Winston. "Wammy's House - 2005" it read underneath. It was our first time seeing it.

Liam's had possibly as many people in it as Anne's all posing at the entrance of the market. I saw Nan and the Cornells, Jamie, Wood and Cay and assorted cousins and relatives that we had met in London all holding drinks and bubbling over with laughter. The banner above their heads read "Wyndon Neighbourhood Party - 2004".

"Oh, there were a lot of people sloshed that day." Paul, Liam's dad remarked as he looked down at the picture. "But what a good time it was."

"Another one of those moments, I suppose." I remarked softly. "The kind you capture forever."

"True, Gracie, true."

* * *

The first dance had been a success. Liam had found his bearings enough to swing Anne around the dance floor to "For Once in My Life" and Fritz and I hopefully had not disappointed when we had joined them to "open the ball" with "A Foggy Day in London Town" with of course Jinya looking on with barely masked disapproval.

A half hour later, I was resting by the wall between dances getting to know Liam's great aunt Mildred when Mello stormed past, leaving me without a shred of doubt that something was badly wrong. I quickly disengaged myself from Liam's relative and called after him. "Mello! Hold on a minute! What's the matter?" His attitude had changed so completely from the jovial dandy of before, I wondered at the alteration.

I caught up with him by the punch bowl. He stood glaring into the ruby colored punch, his shoulders shaking. All I could do was wait.

The blonde head lifted and furious, betrayed blue eyes met mine. "Matt didn't come alone." He explained though gritted teeth. "He brought Linda as his date."

"Oh." I felt for him deeply. Linda was a very quiet thirteen-year-old girl who was under Anne's tutelage and also a somewhat friend of Matt's. I patted Mello's shoulder and searched the ballroom for the redheaded boy. I was hopeful everything was a tremendous misunderstanding. "They're just friends, M. Like you and me."

"Then why did he bring  _her?_  I didn't think he was that dumb." Mello was seething now. "All I said to him was that we'd look like losers if we went alone. I thought he'd be smart enough to get the hint and come with me, I mean he  _does_  live here! Instead, he invites  _her!"_

 _"_ Well, he must not have caught your meaning." I offered. "Believe me, it's very easy to get the wrong end of the stick in conversations."

"Or maybe he's not weird like me and wanting to be with his best friend." Mello brooded. "So, I came alone like a complete prat when everybody else has a date!"

"A prat wouldn't be dressed as smart as you," I winked. "And I came alone as well, remember? I don't feel like a prat."

This didn't do much to comfort the boy. "Yeah but everyone knows L was gonna be your date. It's not like you never had one."

"I suppose you are correct, but as it stands—I'm here alone." I sighed. "It'd be rather nice to dance with some handsome fellow instead of standing over here by the mini pastries feeling stroppy."

I looked at him askance and I could tell Mello's mind was sharp as usual. "Yeah, dancing with an older woman may make others jealous if you catch my drift."

I laughed and took his hand. "I thought you'd never ask, but you must lose that cane."

"But, Grace! It's the finishing touch to make me look magnificent!" he protested as a lively piece started up.

"I assure you, the cane is not what is making you look magnificent, it's the wide smile that has finally been coaxed out of hiding."

"L always said you were disarming." Mello rolled his eyes good naturedly. "I'm glad it's only used as a weapon every once and a while with me."

Our dance to "Get This Party Started" apparently raised some eyebrows, but I felt it was all in good fun, except when Mello threw his cane up in the air and almost hit one of the chandeliers. After that, and the cold look I gave him because of it, he didn't antagonize me anymore with it. Sans-cane, the dance continued effortlessly.

The song ended and Mello noticed Matt's frown as he stood alone by the mirrored wall, his arms crossed. "I think this might have worked, thanks, G!"

"Anytime." I winked as he parted from me. "But be careful with that thing, mind you!"

He stopped, grinning as he looked back. "Don't worry, I promise not to let him out of my sight again!"

I giggled as Mello walked over in his erstwhile best mate's direction, his shoulders straight and his head held high. I could see Matt brighten slightly as he approached. There was nothing like romance with a good bit of jealousy thrown in. At least that's what Nan's soaps had taught me.

Smiling after them, I felt a tap on my shoulder that made my heart stop. It couldn't be…

"Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if I may have a dance."

It wasn't.

I quizzically turned around to see a quite attractive tall man with light brown hair brushed to the side, dancing blue eyes and a wide smirk. I started. Something was different about him. His smile seemed more prominent if that was possible. I gasped finally in realization. "Caleb! Where's your beard?!"

He laughed out loud and rubbed his clean-shaven chin. "Eh, it didn't look good with my suit." He shrugged, causing me to notice the dark blue suit with striped waistcoat that he wore so well on his broad form.

"But this is one night! Won't you be cold at the stall?" I asked as Anne and Fritz spun past laughing. Jinya followed, shrieking gaily in the arms of an unknown man utterly taken with her.

"Well, I've got an extra thick muffler Nan made me last Christmas. It'll be nice and warm." His good-natured expression transformed into one of admiration.

"What is it, Cay?" I asked.

"You…you look unbelievable, Gracie." He sputtered and I blushed. "I never knew your eyes could be so purple-like."

"Purple-like?" I repeated, remembering once again L's strange murmur about something always being violet when he left that night. "Really?"

His grin was dazzling. It was wonderful to see him in good spirits. The last few days in London had been rather awkward. "Yeah! You and Annie are definitely the prettiest girls here tonight."

"Anne does look ever so lovely, doesn't she?" I agreed proudly. "You should have seen the way Liam's jaw dropped when he saw her. He said something about wanting to propose again!"

"Don't blame him." Caleb added, then looked around a little as he placed an arm around my waist and picked up my other hand in his. "So, why are you alone? I reckoned it would be a bit tough to get close to you tonight."

A stab of pain went through me as I wished once again very selfishly that L had come after all. "Oh, L's been called off for work." I explained quietly. "It's a busy time for him…the autumn…"

Caleb frowned as we began to dance. "Why would the autumn be any different than any other time of year for digging things up?" he demanded, somewhat unsteadily. "Or are you just making excuses for him again?"

I glanced down, my cheeks hot with embarrassment. I knew there was no way to justify L's lack of presence to Caleb, who absolutely seemed like he was waiting for the moment for L to trip up. "I'm not making excuses, he's busy, tremendously busy, and he does regret not being able to attend. If Anne and I can accept his absence so should you."

Caleb was still not satisfied as could be seen by the frown remaining on his lips. "Nothing. Nothing should be more important than this. What sodding excavation is more important than spending the night in the arms of the most beautiful girl here? If you ask me, Mister Phd in Dirt doesn't have his priorities straight."

I sighed deeply. Of course, an excavation would not be more important, but high-profile cases were, and they wouldn't lay dormant under the sand until someone felt like working on them.

"L has motivations we can't understand, but I know he cares."

"Do you? Can I ask what he's done to make that clearer to you, then? Is it the neglect or the lack of concern for what you want?" Caleb stopped ranting as he met my hurt eyes and briefly closed his. "Forget it, sorry. I didn't mean to get ratty like that. Just ignore me."

I managed a smile up at him as I realized his forthrightness was likely from the alcohol and made an effort to change the subject. "It's all right. I'm glad you came tonight. You look very smart."

He grinned back, regaining his affability. "My mum thought I cleaned up well. Now, as for Wood…"

He jerked his head in the direction of Wood dressed in a white zoot suit and fedora chatting energetically with Omar and his date, Olivia, a laughing girl from town. I giggled. "I think Mello still has him beat."

Caleb rolled his eyes. "We all told the tosser it wasn't fancy dress, that it was dressing fancy…but he went to a hire shop anyway and came home with  _that_."

"I think he looks charming." I disagreed. "He's sure to get much attention."

"Depends on what kind." Cay laughed and sobered as he looked at me once more. "You really do look smashing, Gracie."

I blushed and tried to steer him away from such observations. "It's the dress."  
His glazed blue eyes met mine as he lifted a hand to brush my cheek. "It is so not the dress."

I flushed again with shame for letting him get so close and backed up a few steps so he had no choice but to let me go. " _Free flowing alcohol and a lovely woman can make some men lose their heads…"_ I remembered L's words. "Er, Cay…"

"Can I ask you something?" he asked as the song ended and a slower ballad began. He didn't appear phased by my rejection.

"I-I-suppose so."

He came closer. "Gracie," he spoke nervously. "I may be up the road saying this, but don't you think you may have made the wrong choice?"

I hid my eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Cay…"

"Ducky! We finally found you!" Two attractive women of middle years came up to us then and the one with brown hair twisted in a bun grabbed Caleb's arm. "Been elusive as an eel this one has! Now, who is this darling thing?"

Caleb was visibly blushing. "Mum, er, this is Grace. Anne's sister." He turned to me uncomfortably. "Grace, this is my mum, Jean and my aunt, Dee."

Jean's very similar eyes lit up and she let go of her son to reach for my hand. "Oh so  _this_ is Grace! Dee, this is the bird our Cay won't stop talking about! Hello dear, this house is amazing! To think you and sweet Annie have grown up here… it's like a fairy tale!"

I was a little surprised by how much Cay's mother liked to chat but found her endearing all the same. "How do you do. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"So polite!" Dee made her input as she also shook my hand. "I must say the pair of you look delightful together! Well, we don't want to interrupt your dancing, or whatever else you have in mind, eh!"

Caleb's cheeks were flaming at this point. "Aunt Dee…"

"Oh, Cay, I'm just having a laugh!" the jovial woman playfully smacked her nephew's shoulder. "Looking forward to seeing more of you, Grace! It'd send me over the moon for Cay to have found a keeper such as yourself!"

Jean smiled as she and Caleb's aunt prepared to move on. "Don't let her go too quickly, eh luv." She told her son warmly, and with a girlish wave, they left us.

Feeling worse, I stood apart from Caleb, not knowing what to say. He cleared his throat and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Er, I don't talk about you all the time. Mum exaggerates."

"It's all right." I replied quietly. "They seemed under the impression that we are an item or at least about to be one."

"Oh, kind of funny that." Caleb evaded, coming closer to resume our dancing. "They're a little over zealous, never mind them."

"Right…" I decided to return to the dance as well and placed my hand on his shoulder as the music swelled. "I suppose you didn't tell them about L."

He stopped moving, his eyebrows furrowing together. "Why should I have to? He's not your boyfriend. He has no claim to you. He has as much as a chance as I do."

I frowned as we began to dance again. "We talked about this, remember? I told you. I can't help who I love."

"But he's not good to you," Caleb insisted. "He didn't even think that this would be important to you. Once again, he's more concerned about his own needs and not yours."

"If you are so concerned about my needs, why must you continue this thread of conversation?" I hissed. "You know I don't want to talk about this."

"Why? Because I'm right?" Caleb's affable expression disappeared with annoyance. "Grace, you really can't be that deluded. All he does is hurt you, makes promises he has no intention of keeping. You deserve so much better than that. You deserve the world, and I… I want to try my best to give it to you."

"Caleb,'" my voice trailed off as I felt a wave of sadness. "Please, stop. I'm not going to change my mind."

"You should, you really should. If you think you could be happy with him, you're wrong. It'll be more of times like this, more tears, more need of me to comfort you when he can't be around. Why can't you just make it easier on the both of us and cut him out of that completely?"

"I don't mind waiting." I answered firmly. "I understand L, I understand that it kills him to not be here with his family and friends tonight, but that he's part of something bigger than himself. Sometimes he doesn't have a choice."

"Yeah, but  _you_  do."

I stared up at him wordless. He bit his bottom lip as his eyes refused to let me go. "I don't mean to be so forward, Gracie, that's not me, but to watch you dive headfirst into a situation that is completely wrong for you—I can't keep quiet."

"You should try." My voice lowered with frustration. "This is meant to be a happy occasion, all you're doing is making me feel worse."

"I promise you I'm not trying to, I just want you to see, Gracie. See how things could be. I've been fighting a lot of feelings for a while now, ever since I got to know you. But even if I agreed to step aside and watch you be unhappy, I can't control how I feel…"

He did seem distressed. I softened as I replied. "I understand, Cay. I'm not telling you how to feel, I'm just telling you that those feelings won't change mine."

Caleb's hold on me stiffened and I felt a chill at the sudden change. "Caleb I know you want things to be different but…"

"Hmmph," he snorted, staring coldly in the direction of the doors. "Apparently he could come after all.  _Late_ of course"

My heart flew up into my throat as I processed what he was telling me. Was it possible? Had L shown up?

I turned around quickly to follow his look and saw L standing slouched in the doorway, dressed in a black suit jacket and trousers, a patterned tie formed into a semblance of a knot around his neck and his eyes, his beautiful eyes staring at me in furious incredulity.

"L…" I whispered, feeling dreadful under his disapproving gaze. I broke apart from Caleb, not having any real need of an explanation.

"He has no right to be possessive." Caleb protested loudly as I stepped away even further. "You don't belong to him!"

I met my friend and jilted admirer's eyes with perfect honesty. "But I do, Cay. I always have."

Caleb sighed and let me go, muttering something about bad timing and mistakes. I couldn't think of anything else but finally seeing L again and turned to the doorway. I was hit with a forceful shock when I saw the threshold was empty and the front doors were slammed shut.

This was certainly not a moment any of us would want to treasure for years to come, I was at least sure of that.

Adrenaline building once again, I ran to stop the fool from leaving, knowing nothing else mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
> 
> So L showed up! But of course the chapter ends there! Will he stick around? Has he once again gotten jealous for no reason and left? Will Caleb finally be flagged from drinking? Stay tuned for the next update! As always, I love to know your thoughts!


	46. Reunion

**Chapter 46. Reunion**

One look had made a quite heady enjoyable evening become unbearable. What must he have thought? Surely, he wasn't angry that I was dancing with Caleb, had he thought I was dancing too close? Had he confused my look of concern with a look of warmth? Why had he appeared from thin air when he had repeatedly told me he wouldn't be able to make it? Why did I feel like my world was in danger of ending?

I frantically glanced around me as I picked up my skirts in both hands and rushed toward the doors, not knowing what to say, but knowing that he simply couldn't leave this way, with the wrong answers to any questions he may have.

"Ha! Where's the fire?!" Jude called out as I sidestepped past him and Linda's best friend, Dani, whose short spunky hair had taken on a strange hue in the last 24 hours.

"Hey Grace, we match!" she teased pointing up at her magenta tresses. Jude rolled his eyes and I could only throw them an exasperated look before I continued quickening my pace. With Jude and Jinya and now Dani experimenting with hair color, the heads of Wammy's were turning into a veritable rainbow of sorts.

It appeared that I was going to be met with distraction after distraction. I was steps from the doors when someone purposefully blocked my path.

I stopped short and stared at a girl with blazing eyes who was stubbornly acting as a barrier to the exit, wondering what she wanted.

"Pardon me!" I cried out, knowing every second was vital. Perhaps now I had a chance to catch him, but a delay could prove disastrous. "I must get through!"

"Who are you?" she demanded in Liam's dialect. Her voice came out sharp as she remained immobile, crossing her arms in front of her.

I was taken aback. "What? Who am I? What does that matter? Please, let me pass!"

"No, first, I want to know who you are, and I want to know why Caleb Templeton gives you the time of day."

I could hardly respond to such insolence. "My name is Grace Deacon, this is  _my home_  and you will be letting me get through directly!"

"No." she returned in a dark tone. "You haven't answered my question. Why did Caleb instantly ask  _you_  to dance and turn down the others? Why was it  _you_  he wanted to be near?"

I was growing even more frustrated with this girl who obviously was expressing some jealousy over Caleb. "Why can't this  _wait_? I do need to get past! It's very important!"

"Well, I think my question is worth a reply,  _Grace._ Why would  _you_  be the one he chooses at this knees-up and then why would you break away from him like he meant nothing?"

My mouth fell open. "Caleb is my  _friend_ , but the reason I parted from him… well, that's really none of your concern!"

"Anything to do with one of my mates is my concern." she shot back. "Especially when this one keeps getting his heart broken by snotty twits!"

I stared at her speechless, trying to keep my emotions under control. If I didn't succeed, this ornery girl was going to be on the other end of some very foul language which would hardly be appropriate for the venue.

"Lil!"

My accuser looked past me, and I watched her eyes soften at once. "Yes, Cay? What is it, then?"

I turned to see Caleb roll his eyes and step forward to lay a hand on Lil's shoulder. "Let her go, all right?"

"But she-"

Caleb didn't move but his demeanor became more persuasive. "I know how you are, but let her go."

Lil seemed to be struggling with the apparent happiness it gave her to be near Caleb and the need to tear me a further strip. "Fine, fine all right then. Whatever." She stepped out of the way of the doors and shot me a final look.

I passed them and sent Caleb a smile of gratitude. "Thanks, Cay."

"Hopefully the fool's come to his senses." he shrugged and led Lil off as I finally made it out into the front foyer likely far too late to do any good.

I passed through the threshold, my heels clacking on the marble floor as I broke through several groups of people to reach the front doors. With a panting gasp, I pulled the heavy doors open, letting in the brisk November winds as I scanned for any trace of him in the torch lit front drive. "L, dammit, where are you?" I shouted, only viewing rows of parked cars outside. "This is bloody ridiculous! Why did you  _leave_? Where did you go?!"

"Grace Deacon, where on earth is your coat?!"

I didn't expect a question answered with a question and turned around to be face-to-face with a disgruntled Mrs. Coppersmith.

She frowned and gave me a hard look with her beady eyes. "That's the last thing we need, an airborne sickness passing through the house so close to the holidays, now get inside before you catch your death!"

I sighed and looked back out towards the front gate, noting that it was closed. Had he left already or was he still there? "Just a moment, ma'am, I'm checking."

"Checking what?" she squawked. "How quickly it takes a young woman to catch hypothermia in the middle of November? I demand you to come in this instant!"

I groaned, tiring of her hysteria as I held one door open and scanned what I could see of the side garden despite the draft. "Or what?"

"Or I'll tell that silly, cantankerous L who stomped up those stairs not five minutes ago as loud as an uncouth giant that he's not the only bratty child in this house who doesn't have common sense!"

I gasped and quickly closed the doors. Mrs. C pulled herself up to her full height and smirked. "I knew you wouldn't want to be grouped with him. That boy has no manners. Didn't even congratulate Annie or her intended."

No chill could have found me now that I felt warm all over. "Are you saying he's in the house? That he didn't leave?"

She seemed startled by my interest. "Er, yes he's here, being a party pooper like usual. You shouldn't encourage him!"

I couldn't help grinning at the fearful woman. "Oh, but I'm such a good influence, Mrs. C! Upstairs did you say?"

"Oh Lord, Grace! All the eligible men in that room and you want to go find the Misery." She raised her eyes to the heavens. "There's no hope for you! None! I liked it better when you two were at each other's throats!"

I laughed. "I'm actually fine with that appraisal. Now if you'll excuse me. I've often heard that misery loves company."

I picked up my skirts again and hurried up the front stairs as fast as I was able.

I heard Mrs. Coppersmith below, bemoaning the fact to anyone who would listen that Anne was the true lady of the house and that she wouldn't know what to do when her jewel had left her to handle the other girls with no decorum. I think one of Liam's relatives dissented quietly but didn't hear anything more.

* * *

I reached the second floor stopping at the landing and taking a minute to catch my breath. Now where could he be? Ensconcing himself in his room seemed too brooding and predictable even for him, and the library wouldn't be dramatic enough.

Smiling to myself, I quickly determined where he was, and soundlessly walked down the hall until I was at the last door on the right. I turned the knob and opened the door to darkness, save for a faint glow of moonlight that spilled across the large room and fell onto the immense desk and high-backed chair I knew so well.

"May I help you?"

All my bravado disappeared at his cutting tone of voice. I had prepared to bound into Wammy's office and taunt him relentlessly for hiding away like a villain in a bad pulp comic, but instead, felt myself trembling.

"I-I thought you had left."

The chair swiveled around to face me, its occupant still cloaked in shadow. "Why? I live here, remember? Would you have wanted me to? I'm certain others did."

Silently, I moved to the light switch and illuminated the room. L didn't flinch and made no move to stand. "Did you have doubts that it was I in this room? Why else would you proceed to burn my retinas?"

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself. I noticed a single red rose resting on top of Wammy's day diary a few inches from his clenched fist. Then my eyes fell on to the well-tailored black suit that fit him so well and the strawberry tie loosened around his neck, not really wanting to meet his irritated glare. Everything was turning out so wrong, all I wanted to do was make it right.

Sighing deeply, he pushed himself back from the desk, and made his way over to me. I watched him approach with something akin to terror, my breath caught in my throat.

Ignoring my stricken look, he pulled the door to the office shut, and then leaned against it, studying me. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head again dumbly. He was there, solid and breathing, warm and smelling sweet, it was almost too much to take.

L scowled. I noticed he had even taken care to brush his hair. The black strands slivered around his perturbed eyes. "I asked what's wrong with you, Grace? It's not like you to be so subdued. It's rather disconcerting."

I found my voice but not my tact as I stared up at him. "Forgive me, I was just taken by surprise."

"Yes, so was I." he said with distaste, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I apologize for being late, but does that really give that boy the excuse to claim you as his own? You were to be my date, remember?"

I frowned, having enough of his stroppiness. "I'm sorry, but all the "Grace I won't be able to attends" and the "my apologies" made that fact disputable. And I would have danced with friends regardless."

"I'm sure he jumped at the chance." L muttered, evidently miffed.

"Actually, I had already danced with Fritz, Wammy, Liam and Mello before Caleb even approached me. But you wouldn't know that, because you ran off before I could explain a bloody thing. Don't you know it's  _my_  job to run off when angered? You're supposed to see reason, not lose the plot like me." I left him by the door and moved to the desk, picking up the rose, soft and vibrantly crimson. "A cool head is needed to deal with a high-strung person. You taught me that, Detective L. Are you saying that it was completely rubbish?"

I took in the lovely dewy scent of the rose as he cleared his throat. "No, no, that is true. But that doesn't excuse the look he gave me, or the way he tried to retain you against your will. Or how tightly he was holding you to him, and dammit Grace Deacon, are you even listening to me?"

I looked up from the flower and smiled. "It doesn't matter, don't you see? You came. You actually came."

He viewed me oddly. "Yes, I came, but apparently not early enough to keep the barbarian horde at bay. I must say, he doesn't seem to understand that when a person says no they mean no. Although with the way you look tonight, I can't necessarily blame him for wanting to be close to you. I do not condone it, however."

I started to grin. "It's the dress."

"Don't be ridiculously modest, G. It doesn't suit you." he rolled his eyes. "Especially not tonight."

I blushed and wrinkled my nose. "Jinya's the one who insisted on this over the top hairstyle and I've never worn such makeup in my life. This would not have been my choice."

"Yes, I know. You would have pinned your hair back and not worried about another detail." A smirk escaped from L's frown. "And you would be just as captivating."

Now my cheeks burned with his words. "Flatterer."

"It's obviously working." he joked, finally breaking out of his funk. "Now, will you dance with me?"

"Er, certainly." I joined him by the door, surprised when he didn't move to let me pass. "Er, L? We do need to leave the room."

He reached for my hand and held it in his. The contact made my skin tingle, and I looked up at him for guidance.

"No, er, right here. Where it's just you and I."

I balked. "But we're in Wammy's office!"

"I don't see why this isn't as good a place as any."

"It's just a touch bizarre, that's all. Especially when there's a lovely ballroom downstairs serving such a purpose tonight."

"That may be so," L allowed, letting go of my hand to go to the panel next to the light switch and press a few buttons. "But here we can have the music and none of the crowds." He increased the volume on the panel and I marveled as the music playing downstairs started to waft in clearly through the speakers. He gave me a shy smile. "Let's start again, Grace. I've missed you."

I melted as he brought me close to him, and wrapped an arm snugly around my waist. I almost laughed at how disapproving L had been of Caleb's proximity and how much closer I was to him now. But then again, he may have thought he had the right, and I wasn't about to complain.

"I've missed you more."

His smile grew.

The next song began then with a soft polished guitar as I rested my hand on his shoulder, the rose still captured in my fingers. He quickly captured my other hand and placed it against his pounding heart. I was unable to breathe.

 _Don't stray_  
Don't ever go away  
I should be much too smart for this  
You know it gets the better  
Of me sometimes  
When you and I collide  
I fall into an ocean of you  
Pull me out in time  
Don't let me drown  
Let me down

_I say it's all because of you_

"Is something the matter, G?" his soft voice slid into my nerve shaken thoughts and I met his deep gaze.

"No..er no... everything's all right now."

He smiled privately. "Yes, so it is."

 _And here I go_  
Losing my control  
I'm practising your name  
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right  
To look you in the eye  
And let all the things you mean to me  
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time  
Tell you why  
I say its infinitely true

We weren't speaking, we were simply moving together, staring at each other as if memorizing every trace of the other was a necessity.

"Why aren't you talking?" I teased softly as he turned me under his arm.

"What's wrong with silence?" he returned.

"Nothing's  _wrong_ with it, it was simply an observation."

He brought me nearer to him again and dared me to break away from the intensity in his dark eyes. "You look so lovely, I'm quite unable to speak."

"Oh…"

"Would you rather me keep quiet again?"

"No, no, er, that's all right."

 _Say you'll stay_  
Don't come and go  
Like you do Sway my way  
Yeah I need to know  
All about you

"So, why are you here?" I whispered, closing my eyes as I rested my head against his. "I thought work couldn't be ignored."

"It may have taken me twenty-four years, Gracie, but I've finally discovered an important truth." His hand drifted up from my waist and played with a tendril lying against my neck. "Life's too short."

I secretly smiled at his touch.

 _And there's no cure_  
And no way to be sure  
Why everything's turned inside out  
Instilling so much doubt  
It makes me so tired  
I feel so uninspired  
My head is battling with my heart  
My logic has been torn apart  
And now  
It all turns sour  
Come sweeten  
Every afternoon

"For what it's worth," I began. "Everyone will be happy to know you're back."

"Even if it's only for tonight?"

I sank a little and he noticed. "Oh, well, that can't be helped, I suppose."

"I think the reason I was so incensed when I entered the ballroom was this," he put some space between us so that he could look into my eyes. "As much as I want to, I can't promise to always be here when you call. Someone like Caleb could be. It's difficult to face."

I shook my head frustrated. "You don't think I know that? Do you think I  _care_? Don't you remember when I said that no one could take your place? I meant it. There's no one else, L…"

His gaze was penetrating. "No one else?"

"To repeat myself would be redundant." I shrugged looking down at the floor. "You should know how I see things by now."

His voice was thoughtful. "I see…"

 _Say you'll stay_  
Don't come and go  
Like you do  
Sway my way  
Yeah I need to know  
All about you  
Say you'll stay  
Don't come and go  
Like you do  
Sway my way  
Yeah I need to know  
All about you  
It's all because of you  
It's all because of you…"

The song ended, and we stood still, scarcely breathing as the laughs and conversation in the ballroom could be heard.

L released one hand from me and rubbed the back of his neck _._

"You said we would talk when I returned…"

Nervously, I nodded. "I did."

He threw me a sheepish glance. "Is there really anything needing to be said?"

"Er, well, I thought there might be…"

He came closer. "That isn't already, profoundly, undeniably known?"

I bit my lip. "I can't read minds, you know…"

He smirked. "What about your famous women's intuition? What does that tell you?"

I giggled uneasily. "That you are as much a dreadful tease now as you were at six."

"Apart from that…"

"Well-"I was quieted by the feeling of his lips pressing against my forehead, the most gentle and sincere of caresses. My heart started to race, and words were failing.

"Well what, G?"

How could he be so maddeningly calm? "That-that perhaps things are changing between us…"

"Oh, really?" He was amused. "How so?"

I lost my daze to give him a hard look. "Each second brings me closer to murdering you to be honest, especially with how you are making me squirm and flush uncontrollably with your cruel taunting."

L laughed. "Such a Grace Deacon thing to say. Come now, I'm not being cruel."

"Then what are you being then? Certainly not complacent."

He dipped his head down to my ear and ran his hand up my back. "I'm finally being honest…"

I shivered under his touch. "Oh."

"If I continue to be honest, I can say that I have never ever seen anyone as exquisite as you this evening. When I first saw you, I was speechless."

I remembered Daisy's comments and Liam agog on the steps with Anne and laughed a little.

"I'm being entirely truthful." I could tell L was a little offended. "I wouldn't tell a falsehood about such a thing."

I looked up at him warmly. "I know. I'm not laughing at that. I'm pleased, no I'm damn happy, if I'm honest. It took forever to get ready for this evening with Jinya burning my scalp and Kensey painting my fingers as well as my fingernails with nail varnish I— "

He silenced me with another kiss, this time one I could return. I was thankful he was holding me upright, or else I would have slid to the floor in an absolute puddle. The way he tasted, how gentle it felt, I couldn't do anything but blissfully enjoy it. I had been waiting for such a moment as this for longer than I realized. The kiss ended far too soon, and he broke apart from me ruefully. "My apologies, Grace, you cannot know how often I wish to do that."

I grinned, subtly running my tongue across my damp lips. "We're a lot alike in that respect."

We smiled at each other as another noise came through the intercom.

"THAT'S IT, I'M GONNA KILL HIM! BLOODY KILL HIM! MELLO, GIVE ME THAT CANE, HE'S GOING TO WISH HE NEVER TOUCHED MY JIN JIN!"

I jumped at the sound of Fritz's voice threatening some poor man with bodily harm, and reluctantly pulled away from L.

"We-we better go make sure he doesn't commit murder."

"Oh, I suppose…" He turned off the speaker and held open the door for me. "Our jobs are never done here, eh?"

"Afraid not," I agreed stepping through the door, only to look back at him fondly. "I really wouldn't want it any other way though."

I could see a faint pink rise in his cheeks before he coughed and followed me out of the door. "Let's hope this is easily resolved, or else I'll kill Fritz Erdheim myself."

I laughed as I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway to the scene of the possible fight. Anne had been right, it was paramount to never say never when it came to things finally exactly how you wanted them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chap song- "Sway" – Bic Runga :)
> 
> New song – Adele – When We Were Young.
> 
> So, L's getting a bit braver! Is the full confession on its way? Who does Fritz want to kill?
> 
> I always thought L would be a little shy to want to dance in front of everyone again, so sharing their dance in a space where they had so much history resonated with me.


	47. Initiative

**Chapter 47. Initiative**

**L POV**

**Winchester, December 2004**

_Sweet smells of cinnamon and gingerbread wafted through the halls, enticing me as was customary this time of year, but this time, I refrained from learning where they were originating from due to a much more interesting situation developing before me._

" _You just follow his every word, that's all," I heard her retort, her rage heightening, not even trying to keep her voice down from behind the sturdy oak door of Watari's office. "No one is more important here than the almighty L. It probably stands for Lord for bloody sake."_

" _Grace, that is unfair. I can't see why the two of you can't get on with each other." Watari tried to placate her. He was one of the few people that usually succeeded in that endeavor._

_I still couldn't understand why she_ _**wanted** _ _to come on this case. Didn't she know that if she accompanied us to New York, that she would have to spend every waking hour with the person she despised? Wouldn't that be enough to run screaming in the opposite direction? I thought for a moment about if I had relented and accepted her assistance in the mission. The two of us together in a different city, at Christmas time, perhaps she would have warmed to me in close company… I shook myself out of my foolish reverie. No, I had my reasons for having her stay put and none were as selfish as the reasons I had for her to come with us._

_"It doesn't matter." her hurt voice decided as I sat outside trying to keep my attention on the file in my hand, the names of the victims and locations of abduction swimming before my eyes as my distraction increased. "I don't ever want to work with him, and I don't want to know him either_."

_I felt a deep pain in my heart and tried fruitlessly to brush it off. It wasn't like I expected the girl who disliked me more than anyone to sing my praises, but it didn't make the anguish of knowing she only saw me as an annoyance hurt any less. I frowned a little._

_The voices softened again, and I could hear nothing further, which was likely best as the conversation wasn't very favorable regarding myself._

_"Good night, sir." She became audible again, now with a sense of defeat._

_Watari's tone was warm. "Good evening, Grace."_

_The door slowly opened then, and Grace appeared, her expression downcast, before it immediately transformed to one of surprise and irritation at the sight of me. "What are you doing here?" she snapped. "Were you spying on our conversation?!"_

_I observed her coolly, wondering what Watari could have said to make her look so despondent. She looked how I felt. "No. I'm about to finish reading the dossier, so I thought I'd speak to Watari about it while the case was still fresh in my head. The last thing I wanted to hear was you complaining to him about how I was keeping you from adventure and excitement. Don't you think he has more important things to do then listen to you whinge on?"_

_Mildly outraged, she prepared to speak but stopped herself. Instead, she swung out an arm and bowed low before me. It took everything not to chuckle in amusement. She could be so dramatic, and rather adorable. "Oh yes, by all means, my whingeing is over. The floor is yours."_

_I stood up slowly staring at her, still marveling at the alteration, and she stood upright once more, nodding curtly before striding off, her head held high._

_I watched her copper curls bounce behind her with each angry step for a moment, then entered Watari's office._

_My mentor didn't appear surprised to see me. "Finished the file?" he asked taking his seat._

_I sighed, dropping it onto the desk, wondering how to broach the change in Grace's demeanor in those few moments where their conversation could not be heard. "She hates me."_

_He sighed tiredly. "She doesn't hate you, L. She's hurt because you didn't want to work with her. As she always tends to be."_

_"No," I arranged myself in the chair in front of his desk, irritated. "She despises me. You saw how she glared at me and called me selfish. What am I supposed to say more than the mission was dangerous and I didn't want her harmed? Does she need me to explain why the mere thought of putting her in danger's way makes me violently ill? She could be killed, Watari. Do tell me, how could I bear that?"_

_He viewed me sympathetically over the tops of his glasses. "You couldn't. I know what she means to you. Perhaps she should know as well."_

_My stomach grew queasy at the thought and I dismissed his comment with a roll of the eyes. "Not this "Christmas is the time to tell those you love how you feel" nonsense again, Watari. I'm not the sentimental maudlin sort who could ever say such a thing to Grace. We can't even have a decent conversation without rowing."_

_"Yes, well you must take part of the blame in that, L. You encourage her wrath…it's almost like you enjoy it!" he returned with an assured glint in his dark blue eyes so much like her's._

_I shifted my gaze to the glass bowl of wrapped peppermints on his desk._ _**Yes, perhaps I do** _ _, I mused. I liked when she paid attention to me in any case._

_Just as I reached forward to select one of the sweets, Watari pushed back the bowl, rounded his desk and sat on its edge, looking down at me with concern. "It's not just because it's Christmas, Lawliet, that I want you to make your feelings known to Grace. It's you. I don't care to see you so distressed. If she knew that you genuinely wanted to protect her and not punish her, I'm certain our girl would understand."_

_Vitriol ran though my veins that only had partly to do with the denial of candy. How could he see things so positively? It wasn't a mere misunderstanding that kept us from making a truce. She fully, unabashedly disliked me. Any feelings I would express to her would never make up for years of loathing. It wouldn't be enough. "No, she'd laugh in my face. She wouldn't believe me. She would think it was all a cruel joke."_

_"You're not giving her the benefit of the doubt." He protested. "Grace is a forgiving soul. You should make your amends before you leave for this case. You will feel better and so will she."_

_"I don't want to." I was acting petulant, but I couldn't help it. Grace Deacon had always brought out the strongest emotions in me. "She shall get my letters and then see why. She'll understand all as planned when I'm dead!"_

_I had long ago decided to say my piece to Grace from beyond the grave. Telling her while still living terrified me, mostly because it was a rejection I couldn't bear to face. I wouldn't even be afforded the pleasure of being let down lightly from someone who was known to revel with Coppersmith when I left for work. I wanted her to know someday, but it would be a day when she couldn't do anything but accept it and carry on with life while mine was gone._

_Watari shook his head in disgust. I wasn't used to anything in his behavior toward me that wasn't radiating with pride or kindness and watched him in surprise. "All right, L Lawliet. This ends_ _**now** _ _!" he thundered, flinging his finger towards the First Class group portrait that cleverly disguised a matter of importance behind its frame. "How many letters do I have in that safe, L? Five? Ten? Why can't you simply tell her? You really want me to comfort the grieving child when she reads those and demands of me why I hadn't told her? Why_ _**you** _ _hadn't told her? If you ask me, you are taking the coward's way out and we both know you are no coward! You must think of a better way!"_

_I stood up with anger. "You cannot understand! She's always viewed you with kindness, with love! You don't know what it means to be on the other side of the spectrum—to be despised, disregarded…hated! She's as stubborn as hell! Her opinion will not change easily. She's decided what I am to her – she won't want to learn anything new that will make her question that!"_

_He did not seem deterred by my reasoning. "Now, see here. I know that the young man who stands before me is the bravest I have ever known. Who has never cared what people thought of him, as long as he was doing everything in his utmost to keep them protected. L, why are you so petrified of making an effort? Grace is not a villain or a monster, she is a young woman who misunderstands you. You need to put her right. It takes a lot of energy to hate someone, no one cares for wasting their strength on such a thing." He stood up and placed a hand on my shaking shoulder. "I know what she is capable of. She could become a friend to you which would please me beyond measure. Everyone needs friends, son."_

_I clenched my fists at my sides and lowered my head. Damn and blast. My one failure in life was a lack of companionship, a deficiency in laughter, and less physical contact than the average person. I had always dismissed this due to the fact that I was hardly average, but now, it was almost painful to contemplate. My only friend had been stolen from me years before, I had never wanted to try for another, but then, as I stood in the office on that December evening, I considered the possibility of making an effort. Was it feasible to make an enemy a friend? How would one go about such a thing? And why stop at mere friendship, could I someday have all I ever wanted by finally going for my strongest desire? By making her see that there was more to me than coldness and vast intelligence? By showing her that all I wanted was her love and to not be afraid anymore?_

_"You seem to be deep in thought" Watari spoke up then watching me intently. "Care to share what's on your mind?"_

_My hands relaxed and I raised my head to meet his gaze. "I will try." I surrendered. "Before I leave, I will try. If my efforts are unsuccessful, I will try harder when I return. I won't leave it up to you to comfort her. You're right, that is selfish."_

_The man who had been like a father to me for twenty odd years closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, leaning back in his leather chair. "At last. Ha ha! At last!"_

* * *

**Winchester**

**November 2005**

_In that same office, I took a final look around before being tugged out the door by the most beautiful, laughing girl I had ever known. My heart could barely still control its pounding as she came back into view. A shimmering, long violet gown, her reddish curls arranged in an updo that made it like look like she wore a crown of fire, her glowing skin. Grace, my Grace. Well almost mine. I daren't be too hasty._

_"L, come on! You know how jealousy and violence go hand in hand with Fritz!" she urged me on, one hand holding up her gown, the other still warm in mine. "We have to stop him from doing anything drastic!"_

_"Er, yes, understood." I found my voice as I followed her down the hall. "What precisely do you expect us to do?"_

_She sighed as we rounded the corner to reach the stairs. "Something! Anything! We're supposed to be geniuses protecting the world from danger—we should be able to protect_ _**one** _ _guest from harm!"_

_I chuckled as we hurried down the stairs. "How do we know it's a guest who is at fault and not one of the kids?"_

_Grace hit the bottom step and paused to look back and me exasperated. "I would hope that one of our kids wouldn't dare provoke Fritz when they know how he can get. Or else I couldn't have raised them well!"_

_I felt warm and more capable of saying more than ever before as I stopped her at the bottom of the stairs. "Well we know that can't be true, you've been a blessing to every one of them…and me."_

_I achieved my goal of making a delighted smile cross her face before she blinked and turned a rosy pink. "Come on, you. Hang on to those words until later."_

_I nodded with a smile and followed her to the entrance of the ballroom where Fritz stood, wielding a cane and being restrained by Liam and Anne from using it._

_"What in God's name is going on?" Grace demanded as we reached them, noticing that Fritz was positively glaring at Liam's friend, Jamie directly across from him._

_"JINYA WAS KIDNAPPED!" Fritz yelled, loud enough that the music and guests stopped abruptly. "WE HAVE TO FIND HER!"_

_Grace and I both gasped. Kidnapped, one of the most dreaded words uttered on this property. I was instantly called back to weeks before when I thought the dearest thing to me in the world had been snatched away. I immediately felt sympathetic to Fritz's plight_

_"Kidnapped?" Grace exclaimed parting from me. "Why do you think this?"_

_Jamie shrugged and still eyed Fritz nervously. "His girl went off for a walk with Wood. She wasn't kidnapped."_

_"Are you certain it wasn't against her will?" I inquired then, somewhat relieved, but perturbed at the same time. "I know you and your acquaintances have a tendency to abscond with females."_

_"L, don't start." Grace warned under her breath and then noticed Liam staring at us amused. "Yes, Lee, what is it?"_

_Liam maintained his grip on Fritz as he chuckled low. "Uh, nice lipstick you've got on there, L."_

_Oh, good heavens. I wished the floor would open and swallow me the way Anne's eyes lit up as she emitted a high-pitched squeal and Grace blushed further._

_Fritz even appeared mildly interested for a moment as I took care to rapidly wipe my mouth and clear my throat. "Er, anyway. Where was Jinya last seen with Wood?"_

_"You two were just snogging?" Boorishly, Jamie completely ignored the question gawking at the pair of us. "Gracie, I thought you had higher standards than that!"_

_"Jamie!" Anne scolded._

_"Can we return to the line of questioning?" I asked, irritated. "When was Jinya last seen?"_

_Fritz flailed again, pointing in the direction of the side garden. "I saw that bastard take my Jin Jin by the hand and bloody disappear that way! She could be in terrible danger with that Cockney street hooligan and we need to find her!"_

_"Hang on a minute." Jamie's eyes returned to glare Fritz was sending him. "Street hooligan? Who the hell do you think you are, then? Charles Wood's a pillar of our community…your so-called girlfriend is the base one! Running off like a slapper with the first man she sees!"_

_"Now now mates, let's not start this kind of talk…" Liam began, trying to calm the men at odds as others started to notice the scene. "I'm sure they're just getting to know each other."_

_This caused the opposite effect for Fritz who fought against his captors more. "Right, I'm gonna kill him! Let me go!"_

_I sighed and placed my hand on Grace's shoulder. She looked up at me with questions in her bright eyes. "I'm going to find Jinya and Wood before Fritz makes even more of a spectacle of himself." I told her, and she quickly shook her head._

_"No, no, I should go. Wood isn't really that fond of you, L."_

_I smirked as I let her go. "It matters not. I shall return."_

_I met the enraged eyes of Fritz and made my voice stern. "Contain yourself, Fritz. Remember where you are. I will go find them."_

_Fritz relaxed for a moment before laughing bitterly. "You of all people is telling me not to be jealous? Ha!"_

_I slipped next to Anne who seemed to be having a battle keeping her face straight. "If all else fails, lock him in the pantry, all right?"_

_A giggle burst forth and she nodded. "Aye aye, Captain."_

_"Right," I parted from them all the while wanting to kill Wood myself and Jinya. Seeking them out would lessen the time I'd be able to have with Grace before I had to leave again, but I certainly didn't want Anne's party ruined because of jealousy and stupidity, at least not a second time._

_As I stepped out into the garden, I expected a chill to meet me, but felt surprisingly warm. I thought about who was waiting for me back in the ballroom and understood why. It had been so worth it to return tonight, to see her smile and unconcealed happiness at my presence. There was so much I wished to say to her before I had to leave again._

_I slipped a hand in my pocket to finger the velvet box I had placed there. I knew its contents without having to take another look. A size six antique ring with a simple gold band, and a small flawless diamond flanked by sparkling amethysts, I knew it was to be hers the moment my eyes fell upon it in the Winchester shop. When it would be hers, I still did not know, but possessing it made me feel more at ease, especially in times as uncertain as these._

* * *

"See anything you like?" The shop owner had eyed me curiously as he glanced up from his accounts a few days in the past as I walked aimlessly around Lively's Fine Jeweler and Watchmaker's on a whim.

I cleared my throat and admitted defeat. "I am actually having some difficulty."

"Well, what is it that you're looking for? Maybe I can steer you in the right direction." He closed his book and joined me at the front counter. "A nice pocket watch is always a decent gift, as well as a sterling silver money clip...we have some exquisite pendants..."

"Er, no those would not be suitable…"

"Ah, a personalized tie clip could do the trick…or some pearl set cufflinks…"

"I-I would like to purchase an engagement ring!" I blurted out then and felt my face grow hot. Why on earth had I thought to come alone? Watari and I were staying one town away, we had felt it best for the others to believe we were in Belgium instead of so close to conduct our research. The thought of letting Anne in on the secret seemed more and more appealing. She would have known what precisely Grace would have wished for and I wouldn't have looked so foolish, but to let her know my ambition might have been too much for her to take.

The man appeared startled for a moment at my outburst, but then smiled knowingly. "Aha! Well for such an important piece I can see the indecision. You want it to be the perfect one. Tell me, lad, how long have you been with your lovely girlfriend?"

More clearing of the throat, now with rubbing the back of my neck thrown in for good measure. Why had I not had pieces brought to choose from in a hotel room? Why had I insisted on going to a shop? He was going to think me the finest of idiots..."Er, she's not my girlfriend...I mean to say, she is a girl, and my dearest friend...but we're not together." I felt my IQ points slip away as I stammered through my response.

The jeweler stared at me utterly baffled. "I...see..."

I coughed and directed my gaze down to my trainers. "Er, I would say that it is very complicated, but I've been in love with her for quite some time and last time I saw her she kissed me..."

I looked up to see the man completely intrigued. "She kissed you, did she? Are you sure proposing marriage should be the next step, then? I would think that would be a little unexpected, perhaps you should ask her to the pictures...or to a nice dinner."

Just as I feared, the shop keep was thinking me insane. "We've done that...as I said, it's a very difficult story to explain. All I know is that she would not be horrified at a proposal, so I intend to make one."

He was doubtful but nodded. "Right so, well, what does your …er... _friend_  like?"

"Symphonies, rereading books, children, helping people, dancing..." I rattled off, each favorite thing of Grace's warming me inside. "She also loves to learn."

"Er...I meant, what sort of jewelry does she fancy?"

"Oh...I honestly don't know." I felt myself reddening at my complete lack of knowledge. "I-I do know, she wears two heirlooms, so I suppose she likes old things."

"Old things, eh?" I could tell the jeweler did not know what to make of me. He had likely never dealt with a more besotted clueless man. "Antiques?"

"I suppose. She-she fancies sentimental pieces, something that has a story, that she can continue," I looked at Mr. Lively with complete sincerity. "I want something for her that continues  _ **our**_ story, as well as begins a new chapter. I-I wish I had a ring of my mother's to give her, but I do not. I never knew her. So, the sentimentality I seek will have to be of my own making. Do you possibly have anything here that will help me achieve that end?"

The confusion and amusement the man wore before had disappeared and I noticed empathy had taken residence instead. He smiled broadly at me and led me over to a case along the back of the store. "My dear lad, I believe I have just the thing. Your sweetheart will have no choice but to accept. In forty-five years of business, I have never had rejection of a ring purchased here, so you have nothing to fear."

I smiled quietly back as he brought out a tray from inside the glass case. "I must say, the odds are increasing in my favor all around."

* * *

_"He just doesn't care how I feel. I'm just supposed to be little Jingle, pretty and happy and not having a thought in my head! I'm sick of it!"_

_"Er, yeah, that's bullocks, really. Do you ever tell_ _**him** _ _any of this?"_

_I had stumbled upon the pair of them sitting behind a hedge hardly in the middle of a tryst. Jinya appeared to have been crying, and she stood up, wearing a long white jacket over her thin shoulders. Wood stood up next to her, a white fedora in his hands. He looked at her with real concern, but not another motive. I thought of all the times I had been insanely jealous over nothing. I would need to have a talk with Fritz soon._

_"He-he doesn't want me dancing with anyone else, but other than that, I don't think he even worries how I feel!" she sniffled, her nose red at the tip. "'When I see how much the other lads seem to care about their girls, it's so upsetting! Look at Liam and Anne! Omar and Livvie! L and Grace! It's not fair!"_

_I ducked lower behind the hedge as Wood responded incredulously. "L and Grace? Elliott? Are you having one on? Are you saying they're a bleeding couple?"_

_"Well, no...not yet. But I see how she is about him. He's it for her, and she had a freakin rich guy after her too! And when he knows how much she loves him, she'll never have another worry, unlike me! And who's Elliot anyway?"_

_Sound rushed past my ears as I sank even lower to the ground, completely blindsided by her words. She loved me? Grace loved me? It wasn't mere infatuation and attraction that I hoped would progress? Was I dreaming?_

_"Jin!"_

_My heart thumped at the sound of Grace's voice and I noticed her joining the other two by the hedge._

_"What is it, Grace?" Jinya asked defensively. "Can't a person have some privacy here?"_

_"At Wammy's?" my girl chuckled. "Do be serious. Anyway, I need to know what to do with the inconsolable man in there thinking his precious Jin Jin has been kidnapped. Any ideas?"_

_"He's upset?" Jinya sounded immediately delighted. "He thinks I was kidnapped?"_

_"Yes. Now please dissuade him of that so the rest of us can enjoy the party, eh?"_

_"Mmm! Will do!" Jinya giggled, I believe hugging Grace before turning to Wood. "You were right, Charles! About everything! Gracias!"_

_"Er, yeah, no worries, luv." Wood answered weakly as Jinya skipped away back to the ball. I remained hidden, unable to speak. Jinya was known for being blatantly honest…I had no reason to not believe what she had said. But if it was true, good God…I was so close._

_"Talking your ear off, was she?" Grace pleasantly asked Wood as I carefully crept around the side of the hedge._

_"Yeah a bit, but she's a decent sort." Wood allowed looking up to see me make my appearance. "Oh, hello there, Elliott. Excuse me, Gracie, I need to get my jacket back…this is a hired suit!"_

_Grace laughed, and Wood passed me to go back in the house. The moonlight shone on her hair and made her look like an angel. Did this woman truly love me? I couldn't think of anything else. "Sorry for doing your work for you, Detective Louie." She teased. "But I thought I'd give it a go anyway."_

_I still stared at her, wondering how she could be so at ease when I was going out of my mind. Then again, she didn't know I felt the same…I aimed to amend that._

_"L?" Her smile faded. "Are you all right?"_

_I stepped forward and took her hand in mine. "Come with me, I think we need to talk after all."_

_She only nodded, with her smile returning with a vengeance. "I'd like that."_

_I smiled warmly back at her. I would happily have to burn every one of those letters._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song – Breathe Gentle by Tiziano Ferro and Kelly Rowland
> 
> New song – She's the One – Robbie Williams


	48. Confessions

**Chapter 48. Confessions**

Something was different about him...it was very easy to tell. His eyes weren't shielded, his smile wasn't guarded and the way he spoke was so resolute, so confident. He wanted to talk, finally talk. I felt my mouth grow dry and shivered a little in the cold. Only now did I despair of not heeding Coppersmith's many warnings of being properly dressed for cold weather. I was turning into an icicle quite quickly.

He watched me and started taking off his jacket. "My manners seem to have fled out the window, my apologies." he spoke then as he draped the jacket over my shoulders. He pulled the lapels together as I looked up at him with a nervous smile. "Better?" his breath came out visibly and I nodded.

"Quite, but I don't want you to freeze."

"Don't worry about me." He let go of the fabric and took my hand. "The cold doesn't appear to affect me as much as others."

We quietly rounded the hedge, and I wondered if I should start. "So er, L...I-"

"No no." He stopped me as we edged around the side of the past the bright windows looking into the lively festivities. "Let's get where we're going first."

"All right then." I answered and wrapped the jacket closer to my body with my other hand. The hem of my gown dragged across the dying grass, but I could neither help it nor find reason to care.

I was surprised when we didn't turn off to reenter the house and instead continued toward the front drive.

I couldn't be silent much longer. "Are we leaving?" I remarked as he directed me toward the parked cars.

"Just for a little while." He smiled shyly and pulled a set of keys out of his back pocket. "Perhaps I shall escort you for once."

I bit back a grin at his spontaneity. "But where exactly? It's getting on a bit in the evening you know."

"That's not a problem, some places never close."

"So full of surprises tonight." I commented as I waited for him to unlock the passenger door. "Shall I sit up front with you?"

"Have you ever ridden up front with Peter?" he inquired as he opened the door. "I thought you wanted to be chauffeured."

I settled into the passenger seat, arranging my skirts as I playfully rolled my eyes.

"Not enough to sit in the back all alone. I've ridden up front with Peter several times. Lastly when I went to the Savoy to find you. We were good company for each other then."

L closed the door, and then passed in front of the car to reach the driver's side. As I watched him round to the driver's side, I had to remember to remain somewhat calm. He slipped inside and fastened his seat belt. "Well then, you're very welcome. I didn't care to ride up here alone either."

"Then we're both happy." I decided, snapping my own belt as he turned the key in the ignition to bring the behemoth of a car to life.

Sure as anything, loud music poured from the speakers abruptly. The pair of us nearly jumped out of our seats.

" _ **Children behave**_

_**That's what they say when we're together** _

_**And watch how you play** _

_**If they ever knew, and now we're** _

_**Runnin just as fast as we can, holdin on to one another's hand.** _

_**Tryin' to get away to the night, and then you put your arms around me as we tumble to the ground and then you say—"** _

L coughed as he quickly turned the volume down completely. "I think we can do without that." He noted as he shifted the car into drive and carefully eased it out of its space. I laughed a little and turned up the volume slightly as I searched for another station. Old fashioned jazz replete with horns emanated from the speakers and I leaned back satisfied as we drove out of the gate, knowing he wasn't likely to object.

"Rather good driving music I think."

"Yes, this is pleasant. Not as bombastic as the previous piece."

The road was empty on the frosty night as I nestled further into the warmth L's coat provided. "We've never discussed music preferences. I can guess you don't care for oldies music, due to your pulling a face every time Peter blasts music when he's driving. What do you like?"

"I don't hate popular music of previous generations as a whole, I just don't fancy loud music, which, when it comes to Peter, apparently, is all of it." He commented as he smoothly turned left at the crossroad. "As for music I like, certain classical composers are exceptional, as well as I've enjoyed listening to traditional African drums, and some ballads and the like." Carefully he removed one arm from the steering wheel to place it around my shoulders. "The song I danced with you to tonight was lovely. I believe it will become one of my favorites."

I blushed, but leaned against his arm, knowing his closeness was something I craved more than anything else. "Yes, but I don't mind Peter's songs really. It's just the volume that leaves much to be desired."

"Indeed." He chuckled as the song ended and a new one started up. It was the opening strains of the tune Ella had sung in the music room seemingly an age ago…when I kissed L for the first time. I wondered if it would carry him back to that same memory

"This one…is familiar." He mused. "It brings with it good feelings."

"That's the test of a good song." I answered. "The mood it puts you in, and the memories it stirs."

"Yes, perhaps."

We delved into silence again, and I wondered why I had directed the conversation toward music anyway. I was sure I'd much rather be talking about more important things, like just what exactly where we now? Together? Still friends, albeit the rather affectionate sort? I was so confused.

"I-I am sorry I almost did not come." He said then, staring straight ahead as we past a silent pasture, close to where I had met the sheep with Andrew before. "I know you were disappointed."

"I understood, L. I told you, I'm not the kind of person who expects everyone to drop everything for my happiness."

"I know, but you do just that for everyone else. Sometimes G, you need to be taken care of as well. Your importance cannot be dismissed. So, I made time. If Watari could, so could I."

"Wammy had to." I explained as he turned down a path lined with naked trees. "For Anne."

"Yes, and I came for you. I wanted nothing better than to be here with you tonight. I stopped denying myself my desire. You've called me a selfish git in the past, and I thought I should live up to the name."

My soft laugh died as I realized he was pulling over to the side of the road. Quizzically, I peered out the window doubting any kind of livestock would be out this time of night. "Er, L? Why are we stopping?"

"Because Grace," L removed his arm from around me to shift the car into park.

"We have reached our destination."

It looked like any other stretch of road outside of Winchester. It was a peaceful path and the car's headlights were illuminating a stretch of trees before us. "I, I don't understand." I admitted quietly, undoing my seatbelt to sit up and squint down the desolate road. "What's special about this place?"

"You are here at this precise moment."

He stole my breath away with that observation. I was truly touched by his shy honesty and reached for his hand. "How do you know how to say the right thing to make me happy now after years of knowing the perfect thing to say to make me positively furious?"

"It's a gift, I suppose." He teased. "I won't give you any more compliments if you don't approve."

I shook my head, finding it hard to speak. A knot was forming in my throat and I gripped his hand tighter.

"Grace?" L asked with concern as I stared forward trying to keep my composure.

"I- I don't only have nightmares about death and the like, L. I am not certain you know that. Sometimes they're worse. I dream that we don't talk, that each look we give each other is full of disdain, like it used to be. That I will wake up and find things the awful way they were and learn that this was all the product of my overactive imagination, and you will hate me again because that's how it's always been."

He slid his hand up my arm and pulled me into a comforting embrace. I fell against his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. "I never hated you. I may have not understood you, not agreed with your opinion on most matters, but I could never hate someone who was capable of such good. Who was such a gift to many, who completely defined her name with every action. It would be against my very nature to feel that way about you."

I bit my lip hard to keep the tears at bay. I could feel the words forming on my tongue, " _Then how do_ _ **you**_ _feel about me?"_ but still felt like the time wasn't right.

"All right? So, don't add that fear to the other needless ones you have, Gracie. I'm here to stay."

"Good." I whispered from his shoulder and he chuckled low.

We stayed like that for a while, my head resting in the crook of his neck, his fingers running softly down my back as sentimental old-fashioned songs played from the radio. I could not fathom a place in the world I would rather want to be ever again.

"Hmm, that's surprising." L broke his silence, and I lifted my head dazedly to look out the window dotted with sparkles of white.

"Good heavens! Is it snowing?"

"It appears that way. And in November. Another occurrence to make this night extraordinary."

"The kids will be so thrilled." I remarked beaming. "It's been ever so long since we got a good snow and I don't believe Beto has ever even experienced it!"

"True. It snowed a good deal in New York, but most of it was grey and melted too quickly. It wasn't even worth noticing."

"Well this lot is lovely." I whispered in a hushed voice as I noticed the trees beginning to get a crystalline coating. I snuggled closer to him.

"Mmm yes, quite." He took that moment to kiss me again, stronger than before. I whimpered as his warm lips coaxed a response from mine. His motion seemed more assured, as if he was guaranteed that every kiss he bestowed would be readily accepted, which of course was completely the truth.

Closing my eyes, I ran my fingertips against his cheek, pressing into him more, wanting all to be revealed. He left two small kisses before he parted from me, his eyes half closed but peering deep into mine.

"Do you like it when I kiss you, Grace?" L asked softly, brushing my fringe out of my eyes.

I nodded with a weak smile. "Yes. You should do it more often."

He couldn't help but grin. "Is that so? Well, I must follow orders then." L came closer and I pushed him back with a smirk, opening my door and taking a leap out of the car before he could stop me.

"Where on earth are you going?" he demanded as I stepped around the front of the car and watched the flakes collect on the jacket I wore. "It's far too cold for that!"

"Who are you, the Copper?" I teased as I craned my head upward to watch the white snow fall from the dark sky. "It's so beautiful! I wish it snowed more, I truly do."

"I don't." L grumbled as he exited the car and joined me. "Only a few moments more, G, It's getting colder."

"Mmm, all right, killjoy." I humored him. "I am happy you came tonight."

"I as well."

I turned to stare at him waiting, "So? You wished to talk. Here we are."

He blanched a little. "Outside in this storm?"

I laughed. "Storm! Come now, L. This is hardly a storm."

"Still..."

"All right, then, I'll start." I took in an icy breath. "You seem to be kissing me quite a lot."

"You said you wished for me too."

"That I did, but I guess I want to know why."

"I-I feel drawn to you tonight, I always seem to be."

I smiled as I watched crystal-like flakes land on his black hair and eyelashes. "Me too." I came forward on tiptoe and kissed the tip of his nose. "But that's not the answer I wish for."

His arms snaked around my waist. "Well, what answer do you request?"

"The truth."

L let a smile escape his lips before he grew serious again. "You wish for the truth? Why I cannot keep my hands away from you and why the taste of your lips is forcing me to abandon reason?"

I nodded. "That would be nice, yes."

 **"** Very well. One answer would be this." His voice was husky as he reached up a hand to carefully touch my dampening hair. "Your beauty tonight is incomparable. Any man would want to be close to you."

I blushed and lowered my eyes, knowing the entranced gaze I'd see if I lifted them. "Rubbish. You have kissed me before tonight."

"It's not rubbish," he laughed a little. "But you are correct. I have kissed you before. I must say that I like to kiss you as well as look at you, as well as speak with you… as well as hold you." The chuckling died as he brought his hand up to lift my chin, my eyes having no choice but to meet his again. "Suffice to say, I like to be near you. I feel a compelling need to better myself. To be more than I am."

I could hardly breathe but held it together. "You don't need to be anything but yourself with me."

He exhaled deeply. "I never thought myself would be enough. I was the prodigy with no friends, with messy hair and wrinkled clothes, who wondered what it would be like to laugh out loud and have someone else hear me. To not forever be alone."

Shyly, I played with his imperfectly tied tie. "You're not alone. Not anymore."

L swallowed hard, a surprising catch in his voice. "I know."

His eyes were very black and full of emotion. Closing mine, I leaned forward and closed the distance between us, knowing it was what we both wanted. He produced a soft sigh as I delicately brushed his mouth with mine one last time and pulled away, my bottom lip quivering.

"L, I want to tell you…"

His expression was still hazy from the kiss, but he managed a response. "No Grace, let me…"

"No, this is one argument you can't win." I wasn't afraid anymore, on that quiet road amidst light swirling snow, in his arms, I knew what I needed to say **. "** I-I never thought that the one for me would be someone I thought I hated. Once you came home and became so kind, so amusing, so sweet, it di dn't take long for me to realize that you were who I waited for, you were who I wanted. You-"

"I have loved you for six years." He blurted out, then appeared to wish to take the words back. I stared at him in disbelief and he adjusted his arm and cleared his throat. "Erm, I mean your feelings are reciprocated."

Six years?!

Good Lord! Missing out on the chance to say it first completely left my flabbergasted mind. "Six years?" I hissed, smacking his shoulder. "You're saying you loved me for six years? Since I was sixteen?"

He colored and nodded. "That is correct, Grace."

"But, but, but WHY?" I couldn't think.

"I don't know how or why I began. It may have something to do with your ethereal beauty or the compassion you showed for all of the other children and your work, or the volatile emotions you stirred in me…er… _still_  stir in me. Either way, I've been completely in love with you since that time. You can see now why I didn't wish for Andrew or Caleb to capture your heart, I wanted it all for my own."

"No! Why didn't you just  _ **tell**_  me?" I ventured next breaking apart from him, still reeling from his revelation.

"Come now, dearest, let's not start that discussion. We're both guilty of neglect when it comes to that." He was obviously embarrassed, but I couldn't get past such a mind-blowing revelation.

"I thought…. I thought, it was the Spring, when you came home, and the library…and the chocolates, and the kind words…" I paced in front of him, my heart racing and my mind utterly lost. "You were different then…but before, you say you loved me before that, but you treated me no different!"

"Well of course I didn't! It's not like I ever wanted you to know! That would have been suicide!"

I stopped pacing and stared at him then. He looked helpless and vulnerable standing against the car in his familiar hunched way, his hair wetted down with enough snow that it hung down lifelessly, fierceness and long held pain in his eyes. It was enough to make the tears finally start. If I hadn't loved him desperately before, to know he had felt this way with no hope for years upon years would have been enough to do so.

"L," I began, standing in front of him again, shaking. "I am so in love with you. The way it feels inside, the agony, the bliss, I'm so sorry you suffered for so long. I'm sorry this hadn't happened sooner!"

The pain vanished at my words and his wonderful smile lit up his face. "None of that matters now, none of it could possibly matter now that I know you feel the same. I love you, Cassandra Grace. You are what I live for."

He stepped forward to pull me into his arms and I cried and laughed into the folds of his shirt. It was profoundly amazing the twists and turns life took. A year before, I would have been certain of two things. I wouldn't be in love now and I certainly wouldn't think L the most important person in my life. How completely bizarre and fantastic it was that I was wrong.  
"L," I whispered finally. "I can't believe this. I'm so bloody, impossibly happy!"

I looked up to see him grin, the beauty of his elation mirroring my own. "Quite like Anne and Liam?"

I brought my beaming face to his again, a breath away from another kiss. "Far worse than those two adoring lovebirds, I assure you."

"I love you." He murmured. "I want to say it again and again, I love you, Gracie, I have for so long."

I smiled through the cool tears sliding down my cheeks. "I love you too, L. So much."

He kissed me deeply then, the burning tip of his tongue running across my lips. Sighing, I parted them and with a small moan, his tongue met mine. Electricity and warmth shot through me as I tugged him closer and deepened the kiss, almost forgetting to breathe. It was quite an intriguing development.

We parted half in a daze and he gazed at me in amazement. "I've decided that kissing you is my absolute favorite thing to do." He told me calmly. "And I plan to indulge."

L came forward again, the strands of his hair dripping cold onto my skin. I shrieked and pulled him back toward the car. "You're positively freezing!" I scolded. " Come on, I won't have you getting ill."

"Oh, so now you're concerned about my health?" he teased. "Very well, I will obey."

"Obey?" I repeated, astonished. "I truly hold weight over the world's greatest detective?"

He smirked as he opened the back door of the car and gestured inside. "Very much so, I always want to be in your good graces."

I rolled my eyes and stepped inside into the inviting sheltered heat. "Puns and you don't mix, love."

He climbed in behind me and pulled the door shut, the compartment encasing us in warmth. "Yes, but you and I do."

"True," I noted as he came forward again to kiss me in a way I hadn't known possible. He simply let down every guard, destroyed every wall that had kept the two of us from this moment and kissed me with a desperate passion that provided every answer I sought. My fingers involuntarily knotted in his hair as the delicious contact didn't abate. Without missing a beat, he tugged me into his lap and slid his hand up my neck to support my head as he continued the kiss he had waited six years to experience, his tongue lingering against mine as soft whimpers came from his throat.

When he finally released me, all I could do was gaze at him momentarily wordless, my hair now in a shamble down my neck and hanging in my eyes. He wasn't looking any less worse for wear. "Oh my." Were the only words I could muster.

He moved his hand from my hair and settled it carefully on my cheek. "I'm sorry if I am being a bit too ardent G, but I must make the point that you are mine, and you never have to ask whether that is so. And I am wholly yours. Every part of me belongs to you."

"Don't worry, Louie, I've never been happier." I confessed as I kissed him again. "I feel more fortunate than anyone else on Earth."

"As do I, my Grace."

I laughed a little as I dropped a kiss onto his neck. "I thought I said I was no one's Grace."

L shrugged in a boyish way. "Times change. The two of us here are living proof of that."

I nuzzled his ear with a wry grin. "Must you always be right?"

"Mmm, yes, especially if I am rewarded in such a way." His eyes took on a mischievous glint as he returned the favor, pressing his lips against my neck. I couldn't help but sigh lustily. "It makes being honest more than the just the honorable thing to do but also the intelligent thing to do."

"You always see every side to everything." I noted breathlessly as his resourceful tongue found my ear. Heaven help my sanity. "What about the element of surprise?"

"I believe I have that covered as well." His tone was husky as he released me from his quite amazing torture. "You constantly surprise me."

"I suppose not always for good."

"Every moment with you is a gift, my love." L confided tucking a wayward curl behind my ear. "Even if sometimes you think you're bringing me hell."

I laughed out loud and he joined me. "So, did you bring me out here to the middle of nowhere to compromise my virtue?"

I reveled in watching him blush crimson. "I assure you, I only wanted to find a place with no interruptions. The ball would constantly be distracting, in fact, anywhere in that house could hold a possibility of disruption. I felt we had endured enough of that."

"I agree. I don't know how Fritz and Jinya have had as many trysts there as they have."

"Well, from previous experience, we can learn they aren't clever about it, leaving doors unlocked and such."

I giggled and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "I like being clever."

He sighed happily in response. "It's good I like it as well, since it's my profession." He folded me to him tightly and buried his face in my hair. "You always smell phenomenal. How to you achieve such an end?"

"Oh? What do I smell like?" I purred wearing a wide grin.

"Like lavender." he admitted almost shyly. "You always smell like lavender."

"Well you always smell sweet." I replied, stroking his soft, mussed hair "Like biscuits and toffees and cakes."

"Hardly surprising, G."

We dove into another kiss which was interrupted by a hard knocking on the window that frightened me out of my skin.

"Who's that?" I gasped, clinging to him as we saw a shadow fall over the side window. It was then I realized the windows were covered with fog.

"Hey, hey, in there, open up." a man's sharp voice instructed and the both of us swore in two different languages. Italian and Japanese respectively.

"Yes, all right." L called, reluctantly moving me off his lap and straightening his tie. I felt like a foolish teenager and tried my best to fix my hair to no avail. I looked like Jinya after an afternoon in the hangar.

L rolled down the window and blinked into the light of the torch being held by the police officer peering into the car. "Yes? What is it that you want?"

I gasped, and the officer didn't look amused. "What I  _want_  is to know why you are in the back seat of this vehicle and not the front."

The sweet, loving L of minutes before disappeared and the haughty, annoyed one took his place. "Is that any of your concern?" he asked icily. I dropped my face into my palm.

"Why yes, it is! Unless you want me to write you and your girlfriend here up for loitering!"

I couldn't help it. I bloody giggled. All I could remember was L's arrogant superiority over Caleb being a "criminal" for loitering and now this. It was all too absurd.

L shot me a disbelieving look and the officer looked even more stern. "Is something funny, miss?"

Blast it! I couldn't stop. "Hehe…no, err , officer…I'm haha quite all right."

The blinding torch swung onto me then, and I threw up an arm to hide my eyes but not my stupid grin. "Have you been drinking tonight, young lady?! "

"Why should that matter? L demanded, completely unaware that without his faceless initial and a computer screen he held no clout over this constable. "I am operating this vehicle. I am responsible for her safety. Surely you are wasting our time with these inquiries."

The man's face was turning purple, so despite my better judgment, I decided to placate him. "We're ..hehe…here watching the snow. We're ..haha.. no trouble to you."

"Watching the snow, are you? Well you learn something new every day. Didn't realize you could see through the solid roof of a car when you're lying flat on your back..."

How presumptuous! I choked on another laugh as L grew increasingly incensed. "That comment was uncalled for. You will apologize to her now."

"Oh yeah? And who are you to tell a man of authority what to do?" the policeman sneered, glaring at L.

"I'm telling you to apologize now. Before you regret it." L's tone was ominous.

Our nemesis laughed mirthlessly. "Talk about regrets, lad. It's not my fault you picked up a half drunken ginger trollop in town, is it? One who doesn't know how to be seen and not heard? I'm sure she's good for some purposes but not for helping your cause any!"

I screamed, the giggles completely gone as L's fist shot out of the window and decked the officer in the face. "L! Oh my  _GOD!_ What are you  _doing?"_

He looked back at me, anger radiating. "I'm teaching that churl a lesson. How dare he call you such things? Doesn't he know who you are?"  
"Of course he doesn't!" I hissed, mortified as the officer staggered to his feet. "He's not bloody Andrew Hargrove! He's a policeman! You just struck a policeman!"

"I've had to fight many people in my line of work." L didn't seem too worried. "And he was asking for it."

The imprint of L's knuckles was a bright red against the officer's face as he reappeared in the window. "All right, that's it! Out of this car now, the both of you! You're coming with me! Move it!"

"Oh God…" It wasn't as funny anymore as L rolled his eyes and stepped out of the car only to be slapped with a handcuff on his right wrist.

"What's the meaning of this?" He roared as the officer finished locking the cuffs behind his back.

"Please, we can explain…" I fretted as the man gave me a cold glare over L's shoulder.

"Explain it to the magistrate! Your boyfriend here just attacked me! "

"He didn't like what you said, you should have apologized! You were being entirely unprofessional!"

"I swear to God I'll have your job!" L barked struggling furiously in his restraints. "You'll never work in law enforcement again!"

"Save it, rich boy." The constable growled, leading the two of us to his marked car parked behind the Rolls Royce. "It doesn't matter who you are! You just committed an act of violence against a police officer, and this one here is in no way fit to drive. You're coming to the station and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"We'll see about that." L muttered as he was placed in the back of the car. I looked back helplessly as I was brought to sit in the passenger's seat up front.

"So much for romance, eh?"

My protector dropped his head in disgust as our captor climbed into the car and pulled back on to the road.

* * *

"Hey Clem! Where'd you pick up these two? A wedding?" The elderly officer behind the glass laughed as we were brought into the local police station, apparently quite a sight.

"We're not booking the girl. Just this one. Belligerent toff who can't keep his hands to himself." Clem explained, unlocking L's handcuffs and pushing him forward. "Empty your pockets, now, we haven't got all night."

L suddenly looked more afraid and upset then angry. "I simply cannot do that." He shook his head vehemently. "I have nothing of value I assure you."

Clem and his friend laughed boisterously, as I eyed L with concern. "Nothing of value? I found him driving a bleeding Rolls Royce. I'll say it again, empty your pockets!"

"You better do as he says." I whispered, feeling more and more like an exhibit in the almost empty station hallway. I wondered why he was being so resistant. It wasn't as if he was carrying any identification that would lead to his real identity. Part of me thought if he had he would have been flashing it in everyone's faces by now.

"Damn and blast." L growled, shoving his hand in his trouser pocket to produce the ring of keys that started up the car as well unlocked any room at Wammy's. Was that what he didn't want to reveal?

"Robbing a bank or something, lad?" The man behind the glass chuckled at the amount of keys. "What else have you got?"

I watched him bite his lip and squinch his eyes shut as he dug into his other pocket and then slammed something down on the counter. "This is a crime against privacy!" He seethed but I couldn't look at anything but the object in complete disbelief.

Next to the enormous ring of keys on the counter was a single velvet box, with  _Lively's_  printed in embossed gold across the top.

"Oh my God!" my hands went to my mouth as I focused solely on the box. Did it contain, could it possibly hold what I thought it did?

"Blimey!" Clem remarked whistling low.

I finally tore my eyes from it to look at him in staggered wonder. He reluctantly met my eyes completely remorseful and frustrated. I couldn't read his look, but I knew something he had tried to keep hidden was completely out in the open.

As we continued to stare at each other, the man behind the glass chuckled and brought the two items through his side of the partition. "Uh, well, then, let me be the first to say, hehe, congratulations?"

Good Lord, what a night this was turning out to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor L, he kept one secret for years and then another he couldn't keep for even a few days. 
> 
> Chap Song: Love Ain't Gonna Let You Down – Jamie Cullum
> 
> New song – A Couple of Forevers – Chrisette Michelle


	49. Confined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chap in which we discover what L thinks of being on the other side of the law and Grace does a bit of detective work.
> 
> Also, I ask you to suspend a little disbelief with how easy the two are to interact in the station. The chapter never seemed to work any other way. :D

**Chapter 49. Confined**

I sat in a hard-backed chair in the police station, still wearing L's jacket over my shoulders wondering what on earth had happened to my rational thought. That box, that little velvet box was now in a plastic container behind the custody officer at the front desk. I knew I was a curious person by nature, but when I couldn't force my mind to think of anything else, I wondered if anything was truly wrong with me.

What in bloody hell was L doing carrying around a jewelry box? He had seemed so frustrated and reluctant to pull it out of his pocket, he had looked at me almost apologetically. I couldn't imagine that he had wanted to propose marriage in the back of the car if we hadn't been interrupted, wasn't that a rather large leap? Hadn't we just become boyfriend and girlfriend? I smiled to myself at that thought. I was L's girlfriend. It wasn't just a dream anymore. I could be quite content with that.

"Hey, Red?"

My smile vanished when I realized the cur, Clem, was addressing me. "Yes?" I answered warily.

He had propped his legs up on the desk across the room and had been whistling a nonsense tune for nearly an hour. "Isn't your bloke going to make his phone call?"

I sighed and looked back toward the holding cell where L sat dejected, with his knees drawn up to his chest, and his head hung low. "He will. We daren't phone yet, everyone is still at the ball."

"Right," he snorted. "The ball. Hope your car doesn't turn into a pumpkin either."

I glared and picked up the skirts of the once lovely fabric of my dress and shook them out. "Do you think I'm dressed like this for my health? We were at a fancy do with friends and family, and it's not fair to ruin everyone's evening with the knowledge that we were brought in!"

"Oh, but you want to ruin mine by staying here and not posting bail?"

"I couldn't care less about your comfort or your opinion." I crossed my arms. "Especially after you referred to me as an inebriated prostitute."

"At least she classes up the joint!" Tom, the man at the window, joked as he went back to his game of solitaire. "And darlin' I would never call you either of those things."

"Thank you." I replied curtly, glancing back at L again who hadn't moved.

"To your face anyway." Clem sneered and I got up from my chair, tired of having to observe his smarmy mug for the last eighty minutes. Perhaps L had the right idea keeping his focus on the dingy floor. It had to be a more pleasing view.

"Well that's better than your rude behavior isn't it?" I huffed, before crossing over to the holding cell, trying to muster up my most cheerful expression for the occupant it held.

"Er, Elliott?" I forced back a smile. I still couldn't believe L had created an alias from that name after so much talk about disliking it. Elliott Louis. I had giggled again when he had given it to the officer booking him, which of course hadn't won me any points on either side.

His head lifted, and his look of complete defeat met mine. He remained silent, and I wondered if he'd listen to a single word I planned to say.

I titled my head to the side with a small smile. "Perhaps we should call Wammy now?"

He grunted and went back to glaring at the cement floor. Hardly an overwhelming success at communication on any scale, but I wasn't deterred. I wished I could be beside him, my hand in his as we endured the confinement together. I hated that he had refused to speak as soon as he was locked in the cell, but his obstinacy was to be expected, being him after all.

"Oh, he's not talking now? Before you couldn't shut him up!" The cause for all of our woes joked and I glared at him in response.

"You are truly not helping."

"Didn't expect to be, sugar." He snickered and picked up his half-eaten Crunchie bar from the cluttered desk. I had a split-second cruel wish for part of the chocolate treat to become stuck in his windpipe before common sense took over. I certainly wasn't the kind of wish death or mere discomfort on anyone, even if they were impossible to like. However, the constable was still delighting in our misfortune a little too much. With some satisfaction, I noticed a bruise was forming below his right eye. Good.

Turning back toward the cell, I dropped my voice. "L?"

"Grace, I do not want to call anyone right now. I'm entirely fine with you finding a way home, but I absolutely forbid that vile man from providing such a service." His voice came out flat as he kept his eyes on the floor.

"I'm not going home without you," I protested. "I'm quite content staying with you here all evening. I just want you to talk to me."

"I am not in the mood for conversation," he looked up to take me in, his eyes guarded. "Just leave me be for now."

I felt like I had had a bucket of freezing water thrown over me and I stepped back a few steps. He wasn't letting me in or confiding a single thing. It seemed to be back how it used to be between us, with him wanting me to be as far away as possible. I certainly wasn't thrilled about the change. "Oh…fine then. I'll keep myself occupied."

Annoyed, I started walking along the side of the room nearest to Tom, scanning the wanted posters for anyone familiar or noteworthy. Surprisingly, there were only two fugitive criminals listed, and neither had committed any grand offense. One was a notorious shoplifter and the other was noted for several misdemeanors.  _Slow workload for Winchester's finest anymore_ , I figured. No wonder they had time to be checking on steamed up cars parked on the side of the road.

"Bored, darlin'?" The kindly man behind the glass asked as he looked up from his playing cards.

"A bit." I stopped in front of him, changing tactics. The plastic container was only a few feet away. I was still dying to know what it held. "I suppose you are as well."

He chuckled and gestured at his card game and the half-finished crossword puzzle to his right. "What made you guess that?"

"Just a feeling." I made my tone airy and gave him an engaging smile. "I was wondering if you could assist me."

"Right!" He sat up straighter with a grin. "Is it time to make that phone call, then?"

"Oh! No, not yet, I'm afraid. I…I was hoping I may retrieve my property from that box behind you. You see, my boyfriend was carrying something that belonged to me, and I was hoping that I might have it back."

I didn't think he was the genial man of before when he began laughing loudly and slapping his knee. "What's yours, missy? The lemon drops? The caramel chews? No, it's the lolly, isn't it?!" He had gotten quite a kick out of the remaining contents of L's pockets. I of course was still too blindsided to notice anything else worth mentioning.

"Er, no, not the sweets, erm, the jewelry box…I would love to have it back in my possession." I pressed, smiling brighter.

He sighed and shook his head. "Sorry, it's considered Mr. Louis' property since it was on his person…hopefully you can have it back later."

"How do you know it was gonna be yours anyway?" Clem sneered as he passed behind me to walk to the W.C.

If this man didn't watch his step, I was strongly considering giving him a matching bruise. At least then I'd have a reason for being there. Instead, I held him under a death glare and waited until he disappeared from sight. "Is he always such a, pardon my french, complete git?"

"He likes to be trouble, that one." Tom rolled his eyes. "More a bother then he's worth. Now his dad, a great constable he was. Became a detective after that!"

"Oh, how interesting." I doubted the fool relieving himself would ever achieve such a high rank, more from his own faults and not L's intervention.

"Grace."

I perked up at the sound of his voice, which overrode any disappointment from my sneaky behavior not succeeding. I excused myself and walked back over to the holding cell, hoping I looked more perturbed then joyful. "Oh, are you going to talk to me now?"

L groaned as he took me in with a beleaguered expression. "I have a question for you, so yes, I suppose that constitutes talking to you."

"I'm flattered, go on then."

"Why didn't you want me to hit him?"

Was he serious? "Well, because look where you ended up for doing so! It wasn't one of your brightest ideas by a long chalk!"

He rubbed the back of his neck, irritated. "You would rather me to have sat there and let him call you such disparaging names instead of defending you?"

I exhaled loudly. "Love," the word came off my tongue natural and sweet. "Of course, I appreciate you defending me, but I didn't want you to get in trouble because of it. We could have laughed it off, come on "Ginger trollop" it's rather amusing, isn't it?"

"No. It was wrong and boorish of him to say." He glared in the direction of the W.C. "His people skills certainly need a good deal of work."

"Yes…" I thought of pointing out the obvious, but since he was now talking to me, I felt it was best not to push it.

"I'm so disgusted." L muttered then, staring off into the distance. "This is not how I wished this night to turn out. You deserve to be lighting up that ballroom, not wasting your enchanting gown in this environment. I don't think I should have come after all. I ruined your evening."

I was saddened by that. "L, stop this. I want to be wherever you are. I've told you that before. When will you believe it?"

His eyes, when they captured mine again were sorrowful and frustrated. "Well, we know that cannot always be possible. Especially these days."

We sat in silence as the sound of the toilet flushed in the other room. Finally, I spoke.

"I should say thank you."

He raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

I lowered my voice and gave him a wink. "For hitting him. He bloody deserved it. In fact, I've wished to do the same at least five times in the last hour."

Finally, a ghost of a smile crossed his lips. "You are welcome, G."

Just then, the doors to the station flung open and Anne appeared, completely frantic with her good coat thrown over her gown, and its sparkling train draped over her arm. "Oh my God, where are they?" she hurried up to Tom at the desk. "Are they all right?"

Tom jolted in his seat and glanced over in my direction. "Er, miss, they-"

"Annie!" I cried running over to her and grasping her hands. "What are you doing here?"

"Me?!" she broke my grip to hug me tight. "What are  _you_ doing here?"

"Long story." I sighed, turning to see Wammy's tall form come through the doorway, taking off his hat as he joined us. What on earth was going on? How had they found us so quickly?

"Ah, Grace dear, I'm thankful you are safe." He sighed giving me an embrace. "We were quite worried."

"The two of you disappeared, and so did the car….and then Roger tracked the car to the police impound car park and we couldn't find either of you! Oh Gracie, it was terrible...I thought-I thought..." Anne's lower lip trembled, and I felt horrid.

"It's all right, Annie, we're okay, just had a bit of a run in with the law." Sheepishly I gestured to L in his cell where he proceeded to give the new arrivals a terse nod. Anne gasped.

"L got  _arrested_? What the heck is going on?" she exclaimed as Clem came out from the W.C. adjusting his belt and gave my sister an appraising look.

"Well hello hello there, Beautiful! I'm Constable Howard, how may I be of service?"

Anne just stared at him and Wammy stepped forward, casting a long shadow over the man. "We would like to know why our car has been impounded and my son has been arrested, if you'd be so kind." His voice betrayed none of his gentleness as he gave Clem an even look.

"Your  _son_ , my dear sir, assaulted a police officer with no provocation." He straightened his black uniform jumper and cleared his throat. "So, he was brought into custody."

"No provocation, my foot!" I seethed. "Why don't you tell the truth?"

"There had to be a reason." Anne agreed with me, after sympathetically looking in L's direction. "Did you say anything rude to Grace? That usually does it."

"Anne!" I couldn't believe her, but Tom started to chuckle, and soon so did Wammy.

"I certainly cannot see any reason why anything rude should be said to this young woman. Perhaps he had grounds."

"He did." I crossed my arms. "I intend to file a complaint. He was highly disrespectful." I didn't wish to add that L had been a bit of that at first as well.

Clem cut to the chase. "Are you here to bail him out or not?"

"Well, of course. Must get this unpleasantness over with so we can go back to enjoying ourselves!" Wammy reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his billfold. "What's the damage, then?"

As much as Clem had to be thankful we were getting out of his hair, he mustn't have approved of Wammy's complete lack of indignation at L's behavior. "What if I said a million quid?" he answered in a daring tone.

"A  _million_  quid!" Anne gasped but Wammy only cleared his throat.

"Then I would gladly pay it, but I believe the amount is not even close that number, am I right?"

"You're right, sir." Tom nodded "Far less zeros then that."

"I'm quite pleased to hear it." Wammy chuckled and began to fill out the proper paperwork to release L.

Anne looked back over to where L still sat annoyed in the cell and touched my arm. "Is he okay in there?"

"I do think that he will be pleased to leave, but he's more irritated than anything." I explained quietly. "We've had quite an interesting night."

Anne glanced back at me with my wild hair and smudged makeup with a grin twitching on her lips. "I don't doubt it, girl."

I blushed as she pulled on my arm in a conspiring manner. "Details, Grace Deacon. Later. Expect the most thorough interrogation of your life!"

"Have I ever inquired about Liam and your intimate moments?" I deflected as Tom strolled over to the cell to unlock it.

"No, but I don't have to be as polite and respectful as you." she laughed. "Welcome home, all right. You minx! He didn't waste time, did he!"

"Annie!"

Her laughter finally bubbled over. "Well I'm sorry, G! But I never expected that when you guys finally stopped playing around that you'd end up in the police station!"

I placed my hands on my hips. "Where then, if you have all the answers?"

"I don't know." she shrugged. "The church?"

I paled. "Snogging in the  _church_  in front of God and everyone?!"

"Nooo! Not snogging! You know, a nice, sweet kiss when the vicar says you're man and wife."

Of course, Anne finished her sentence as L was brought to join us, but fortunately, he didn't appear to notice.

"All set to go, then?" I asked him with a stretched smile.

"Er, yes." L nodded, looking likely the most embarrassed he ever would. "Thank you for coming for us, Anne..and er...sir."

Wammy nodded with a smile and Anne squeezed his arm. "Don't worry about it, L. I'm glad you guys are okay. Well...more than okay I hear..."

"Anne Walters I swear to God..." I warned with clenched teeth.

She put her gloved hands up in defense. "Sorry! Sorry!"

"All right, young lad," Tom went back behind the glass partition. "I reckon you'll be wanting your belongings back, eh? You might need some sweets for the ride home!"

"Yes, I would." L glanced back at the rest of us. "I will join you in the car momentarily."

Anne took my arm to lead me out the door, as I glanced back, hoping to see a possible glimpse of the velvet box. L moved over at the counter, blocking my view and I sighed in resignation. So much for espionage. "I can believe you guys drove off without telling anyone! Caleb's aunt was starting to feel poorly, so Peter was going to escort her back to her hotel, but when he got outside, surprise! No car! It was so odd! And then when we find out where the car  _is,_ and neither of you are in it…it was so confusing…and worrying." Anne stamped her feet in the cold and came closer as we waited by the car, lowering her voice. "I mean, Detectives L and G vanished into thin air like that! It's cause for great concern! Who knew what happened?!"

I sighed and gave her a hug. "I'm very sorry for making you upset…I never expected to cause any trouble…we ...well, we wished for somewhere to talk privately. It worked… for a while I suppose, before the interruption."  
Her grin returned with a vengeance. "I can see the talking worked, Gracie! For right now, I just need to know one thing."

I looked back to see L and Wammy coming through the doors, Wammy chortling to himself and L still looking bothered. "What is that?"

"Does he know?" she whispered with hope and I blushed a little as I nodded.

"Yes…he knows, and so do I."

" **OH THANK GOD!"**

Her outburst would have startled anyone at any time of day, but it being half past one in the morning made the noise extra jarring.

"Annie!" I hissed as L and Wammy stopped short and stared at my sister jumping up and down in the police station car park under the light of the streetlamps.

She finally sobered and bounded over to the others, throwing her arms around L with no trepidation. His eyes widened in surprise.

"Er, Anne? Is everything all right?" he asked, bewildered as she let him go and kissed his cheek instead.

"You can't know how happy I am right now, L. You just can't!"

"Oh? I would think leaving your party would cause your evening to take a less diverting turn." He gave me a completely lost look as Anne now hugged Wammy. "It is nice that you are so happy, however. I can certainly not say the same. "

"Well it's all because of you, silly! And you, Gracie! Finally! That's all I can say."

"What's the reason for these effusive words, my dear?" Wammy asked as he crossed over to the car with a bemused smile.

Anne skipped beside him and gestured back at us. "Them! They're together now! Look! L's blushing! It's true!"

I stole a sideways glance at him and smirked when I noticed a tinge of pink in his cheeks. "I do hope you're not embarrassed of me, Louie."

He coughed and strode forward to reach the car. Wammy was smiling widely in our direction.

"At last, eh?! Well I must say I'm pleased. I'm very pleased in fact! No more one on one conversations with either of you about your feelings! It's all out in the open!"

"I second that!" Anne giggled as I gave them both a wounded look.

"The compassion in the pair of you is tremendous."

"Well no one can say it was the fastest courtship in history." She teased as she slipped inside the car, pulling up her skirts before sitting down. "But definitely one of the most interesting…and romantic!"

"I believe I liked it better when no one was aware of anything." I sniffed as I joined her in the backseat. I looked up to see L closing the door behind me. "L? What are you doing?"

"I-I will ride up front with Watari." He explained before the door closed, encasing the two of us in darkness.

"Right." I sighed, and I could sense Anne looking over at me with concern.

"Gracie? Is everything okay?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?" I answered stiffly as Wammy started the car and pulled out of the parking space. "It's just been a very busy day; a lot has happened and not all of it can be explained."

"It's okay, you know. I mean, the two of you are always ready for a row, I'm not surprised one's happened already."

"A row?" I repeated. "There's been no row. Surprising, I'll admit but-"

I felt her hand close over mine and turned to see her eyes full of understanding.

"Love isn't easy, hun. But it's incredibly worth it."

I couldn't do anything but agree as I glanced forward at the messy haired man who had fulfilled my every dream in one night, any irritation melting away with the remembrance of his words and head spinning kisses. "I know."

* * *

The front drive was once again empty when we arrived home at the late hour. The snowfall had accumulated a little, and the house looked very wintery and ready for the approaching yuletide as a result.

"I love our home." Anne whispered wistfully as Wammy parked and we unfolded ourselves from the warm seats. "I still feel so lucky to have lived here."

"Me too." I agreed as we passed through the front doors where some life was still about despite the time. "I can't tell you how much I'll hate it when you move away with Lee."

She smiled then, obviously thinking of her happy future and I felt guilty for dreading the event. "London's not too far, Grace. Lord knows where L will end up stealing you away to. Morocco? Calgary? Paris?"

My smile was one with hers at that thought. "I suppose anything is possible."

We reached the top of the stairs and Anne stopped at the door of her bedroom. "I'd better get changed for bed. Lee's probably snuck in, but if you want to spill about everything, I promise to kick him out."

I giggled and shook my head. "Go on then. L said he had to leave again after the ball, I'd better see him before he goes."

"Didn't you hear?" Anne paused with her hand on the doorknob. "Wammy said they're going to stay a couple more days, you don't have to say goodbye yet!"

I felt a warm burst at the thought and grinned at her. "Oh, right! Well goodnight, and thanks for springing us from the clink."

Anne laughed loudly then quickly covered her mouth sheepishly. "Just talk your normal refined way, girl…any other speech is just weird."

"I'll remember." I watched her enter her room, and playfully admonish Liam who was already inside. I was glad I hadn't been the cause of taking away all of her time with her fiancé and my smile grew when I imagined Liam's reaction from his hero being imprisoned. I supposed I would hear about that come morning, late morning at that.

"Grace."

I turned to take L in, pleased. "I heard you're staying longer. I'm glad."

"Yes, there's a lot to work on, but most of the research can be completed here. It was Watari's idea."  
"I like Wammy's ideas." I lifted the coat jacket from my shoulders and handed it to him. "Thanks for letting me borrow this. It was quite useful."

He glanced down at the fabric and then nodded. "Yes, well, good night, Grace."

I stared back at him slightly hurt. "Oh, just good night, then?"

He sighed and came closer to kiss the top of my head, I felt a thrill all the way to my toes but fought back a noticeable reaction. "And I'm sorry."

"That's not what I meant." I frowned, crossing my arms. "Why are you being so distant? You've been behaving strangely since you were arrested."

L searched for speech, his expression downcast. "It's-it's been quite a long evening. I really don't want to do anything but rest. I've been humiliated, insulted, imprisoned—"

"You also learned that you are loved." I whispered wanting him to remember what was truly important, "And you've made me happier than I dared imagine. Don't forget that."

I watched a hesitant smile break through his scowling exterior. "Aren't you ashamed or angry with me about the way I acted? I truly did not exercise restraint."

I stepped closer to him, our forms falling into the shadow of the corridor. "You came to my defense. I could never be ashamed or angry with you. You are far too wonderful for me ever to consider such a thing."

Instinctively, his arms snaked around my waist. "I love it when you comfort me." he murmured into my ear before kissing my hair. "In your practical, warm way that is undeniably you."

"I've had practice." I smiled, feeling braver. "Now, will you tell me what was inside that box?"

He stiffened and coughed. "Er, no."

I broke apart from him aggravated. "Don't I have a right to know?"

"In all honesty, no. It does not belong to you." He answered calmly, with a devious twinkle in his eye. "Yet."

I was consoled and came back into his arms where I was warmly embraced. "When that time comes, will you let me know?"

"Mmm...yes, you shall be the first, I assure you."

I smiled and lifted my head for another kiss, which he evilly kept from me. "Are you sure you want to love a common criminal?" he teased, his lips a breath away from mine.

"Only if you want to love a ginger trollop."

He chuckled and pulled me into a kiss that I eagerly received. The kiss deepened, and he sighed happily as I tugged on his tie to pull him even closer.

"Yeesh! Get a room you two!"

We broke apart abruptly and turned to see Jamie and Wood now dressed in sweats and t-shirts staring at us in distaste. How quickly I had forgotten our dozen houseguests being accommodated in the house for the evening.

"Oh…er, I was…" I stammered but L stepped forward with a resolute nod.

"I must thank you for the good idea." He spoke and before I could stop him, he easily picked me up by the waist and hoisted me over his shoulder.

Wood and Jamie's shocked expressions overrode my own disbelief and I ended up giving a little wave. "Er, night, gentlemen!"

"Uh, night Gracie." Jamie waved back weakly, nudging Wood so that he waved too as L carried me down the hall away from the two men likely wishing they hadn't thought to raid the kitchen before heading off to bed.

"So, now that you've completely flabbergasted our London friends." I began curiously. "Where are we going?"

"Oh, following their suggestion of course. Finding a room." L stopped at his own door and opened it quickly. "After all, we have a great deal of catching up to do, do we not?"

I grinned and blush in response. "I have to say, you should get arrested more often. You're positively a rebel now!"

"I'll pretend you didn't say that." He joked as he set me down in front of him and shut the door behind us. I gazed up at him, waiting as he stared back at me. We were in his bedroom. Alone. I started to feel a little apprehensive.

"Well...er…so…"

He came forward and brought me into his arms again. "So now we pick up where we left off, my love. Unless you'd rather work…"

I shook my head and lifted a hand to place on his cheek. "I believe we work far far too much, don't you agree?"

All he did was nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- I Need You - Alicia Keys.
> 
> New song – Belief – Gavin DeGraw


	50. Peace

**Chapter 50. Peace**

It felt like his kisses were never going to end. Whenever I had the need to draw a breath, his lips met mine again instantaneously with a surety that was quite refreshing. It was wonderful to belong to someone, to be  _his_  and to have no other thought in my usually whirling head other than the wish for this moment to never stop, and to retain this heady feeling for as long as humanely possible. It was good to just  _be_.

Finally, L withdrew his lips from mine and managed a weak smile. "More fervent than expected again, I suppose."

"Maybe it was unexpected, but certainly welcome." I replied softly as my eyes readjusted to the dim light of his bedroom. "If the mood takes you once more, I will not protest."

His smile became more assured as he gently stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. "Perhaps I should have practiced more. I'm usually so confident that I can be incredibly successful at something on my first attempt, but this takes more than just dumb luck."

"What?" I giggled. "Do you mean kissing? I haven't noticed you being unsatisfactory! In fact, you are quite skilled indeed. Confess, who else have you been perfecting the art with?"

He blushed a little and lowered his head to my ear. "Someone called Cassandra. You may know her."

I stepped back pulling a face. "Ugh, well go back to kissing that unfortunately named girl again and leave me be."

He laughed out loud and snatched me close. "Very well, it's rather difficult to do both actions when they are regarding the same person, but I'll try."

We indulged in another sweet meeting of lips that caused me to disregard my slight annoyance and loop my arms back around his neck. His arm tightened around my waist and I slipped easily back into the newly discovered nirvana his gentleness and love had created. I was turning into quite the soppy heroine and didn't care one whit.

We parted once more, and L brought his forehead to rest against mine. "Grace," he whispered with feeling. "How did I find you?"

"Well, I live two doors down from you, so it was rather easy."

The glazed adoration in his eyes diminished and he frowned. "You're trying your damndest to ruin an honest moment, and I won't let you."

"Oh, shame." I teased with a smile. "Fine then, how's this? We were meant to find each other. It was fated."

"Mmm, yes, I like that better. Two headstrong people with common purposes and dreams, brought together by serendipity."

"And also being orphaned." I felt the need to point out. "Without that we may have never met at all."

"No," L shook his head and led me to his armchair, placing me in his lap. "I would have found you. I am certain of it. Our paths would have crossed in some way, no matter how long it took. I would not have missed my chance."

"You've truly thought this through!" I remarked, pleased. "I like that you have."

"When it comes to you, there is very little I haven't considered."

I grinned and ran my fingers along the upholstery. "Like this chair. Do you remember?"

L hid his eyes from me as a smirk played on his lips. "I do not know what you mean…"

"Oh don't you? As I recall, the first night I came in to sit and talk with you when everyone else was asleep, this chair wasn't here. In fact, you didn't have any furniture, save for the bed. Quite sparse living conditions for such a young man of extraordinary wealth."

"Why did I need extra furniture when the bed was suitable for all lounging purposes?"

"Yes, when it came to  _you._ However, when I entered your quarters and sat on the edge of your bed, since there was nowhere else to do so, you proceeded to pace the length of the room and talk in such a scattered manner that I was certain you were experiencing some form of distress."

"Well, dearest, you must admit, it's rather unnerving to have the woman you care for making herself comfortable where you sleep. And you simply chatted about anything and everything; I never knew so many words to be directed toward me in my life. I was so relieved when you finally stood up to go."

"You must have been!" I laughed running my fingers through his soft hair playfully. "How positively frightening for you, you probably regretted making any friendly overture toward me after that."

He closed his eyes and sighed with a sense of contentment. "No, of course I didn't regret it, but I did purchase a chair for you to sit on, so that I could at least think straight."

"I'm thankful you didn't banish me altogether."

"I never would have even if I only felt a sense of friendship toward you. You were so insightful in conversation that it was fascinating to talk to you, even if it overwhelmed me at first."

"Insightful, eh? I guess I was brought to the right orphanage after all."

L reached up and gently tugged at one of my curls slightly exasperated. "Again with the humor, can we not be serious?"

My stomach was tying itself in knots and I laughed uneasily. "I thought you liked me for my sparkling wit."

His smile returned, as well as the ardent look before he tenderly left a line of kisses up my neck. "That I do, my love. But that's not the only quality of you that I like."

Good Lord, I couldn't believe that I was nervous and embarrassed with  _L._ I had waited for intimate moments like this with him for months, and now that they were here, in full, real glory, I was rather scared. Scared of what I might be capable of if he kept giving me such sensual touches and warm lipped kisses on my tingling skin. Truly was he trying to drive me mad single-handedly?

I had my answer when his arms pulled me tighter and the new rough tone of his voice crept into my ear. "Ti amo, Graziella. Per sempre."

My God.

I broke out of his embrace and jumped up from his lap, pulling up my skirts before I tripped over the fabric. "Well! Er, I do believe I need to change out of this dress. The hem is so soiled, and it would be best to dress for bed."

He eyed me curiously, his head tilted to the side. "I see. Would you care for another of my shirts?"

Oh no, that would be certainly a step in the wrong direction. I flushed and shook my head, managing a wide smile. "Ah—well, no. I thought I would go to my quarters to achieve that purpose. After all, all of my pajamas are there…and my hairbrush."

"I understand. I can't accommodate you in that regard. Once I use a hairbrush I must dispose of it after one use. The bristles are usually warped and altogether destroyed."

My mouth fell open, but I knew he was being truthful. "Oh…right. Well, I had better be going then."

I turned to reach the door and felt a soft touch on my shoulder as my hand touched the doorknob. I took a deep breath to fortify myself before I turned to meet L's deep entrancing eyes. "Er, yes?"

The dangerous orbs shifted their gaze to my hand, which he lifted up in both of his and pressed to his lips. "Please return soon. I have something to show you."

I stared at him feeling completely stupid and enthralled. "Al-all right then. I won't be long."

Pleased, he released me and stepped back. "You have made me ever so happy, G. I hope you know that."

I couldn't help smiling and nodded as I opened the door. "As well as I know you have done the same for me."

He was grinning as I left the room and carefully shut the door behind me.

Outside in the corridor I closed my eyes and tried to calm my racing heart. I was now in a relationship with the most amazing man I had ever known and being around him was starting to be absolutely terrifying.

* * *

The lights flickered on in my bedroom and I nearly screamed when I saw the state of my appearance in the mirror. Jinya's careful work had now resulted in my frizzy hair spilling down my right shoulder and the purple headband now dangling by my ear. My eyes rimmed in kohl earlier that night were now smudged all around giving me the look of some raccoon/human crossbreed and somehow in all of the madness the evening had wrought, I had lost my left earring. The epitome of grace indeed.

I quickly unzipped the dress and let it fall to my feet. As I stared back into the mirror at my barely clothed form, I had the image of L slowly coming up behind me, clad only in a pair of trousers as his long wiry arms snaked around my waist, a rakish smile on his lips. I felt myself smiling back as his hands crept upward…

"NO!" I cried out loud, shaking my head and stepping out of the folds of fabric to reach my en suite. "Too soon, far too soon." It was one thing to fantasize about these sorts of moments when there was little chance of them occurring, but now, when I knew that same man was waiting for me in his bedroom able to bring to fruition any thought I created, it was another thing entirely.

I turned the faucet on the sink and let the basin fill up with icy water before I scooped some up in my hands and splashed it on my face. The shocking temperature helped to rid me of the tormenting thoughts and I washed the leftover makeup off my face, realizing as I did so, that I did not wear a trace of lipstick any longer. It did not take long to deduce why.

My face freshly scrubbed, I ventured to my wardrobe for something to wear. Blushing, I pushed past the hangers of delicate nightgowns and frilly pajamas and found a worn tartan nightshirt and grey sleep pants, thankfully, not enticing in any way. After dressing, I managed to drag a hairbrush through my knot of curls and gathered up the mess in a tight elastic. Digging in a drawer, I found a pair of thick bed socks and slipped them onto my feet, appraising myself finally in the mirror. There, I nodded. My appearance was certain not to fan any flames of passion real or imagined.

Once dressed, I tried to calm myself a bit, using a breathing technique or two. When that failed, I tried to fortify myself with a pep talk. "Grace Deacon, this is foolish. You love that man in there, and he loves and respects you. Being such, you do not need to fret about him somehow seducing you this evening...you need to worry more about a nuclear attack on Winchester than such a thing. As for you, certainly you can exhibit some self-control and not seduce him, right?"

I closed my eyes as another thought slipped into my consciousness. Perspiring skin, heated kisses and touches underneath the navy-blue comforter on his bed, his lithe but strong body above mine, his sable hair hanging in his desire-filled eyes…

"Oh God!" I groaned and shook my head in defeat. "It's hopeless, bloody hopeless."

I wished I could talk to someone, ideally Anne, but I was pretty certain I was persona non grata at that moment. I considered just staying in my room and not returning to his but didn't find that option very mature or preferable. After all, I could be in L's arms for uncountable hours this evening, and to flat out avoid him seemed the height of stupidity.

I didn't know what to do and decided to let intuition take over. Innate common sense had never seemed to lead me wrong in tricky situations before, and hopefully it wouldn't decide to fail me now.

I took in a deep breath and turned the doorknob, doing my best to be as noiseless as possible. So far successful, I closed the door carefully behind me and began tiptoeing down the hall to L's bedroom, knowing that either way, it was where I wanted to be for as long as he allowed me.

"Grace?"

A chill of surprise and fear rushed through me as I heard a familiar voice coming from the opposite direction. Biting my lip, I turned around slowly. "Hello Cay."

Caleb was dressed for bed as well in a t-shirt and sweatpants and he gave me a shaky smile. "I heard you had quite the evening. Is everything all right now?"

I nodded and gave a helpless shrug. "It was an adventure at least. Although I don't think very much of the local police service."

"Eh, you live in the East End that tends to happen a bit earlier in life." His smile broadened, and his eyes seemed to be searching for something. "Are you off to bed?"

I blushed as I knew I couldn't lie with the fact that my bedroom was behind me. "Er, almost. And yourself?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at the pictures lining the walls. "Trouble sleeping, I reckon. At least Aunt Dee is feeling better. Mum rung with a report after they got to the hotel. There really was an all out search when you and he turned up missing. I mean, it was rather odd how people here acted, you're not children or anything, but they were really concerned. Like almost everyone dropped everything to look for you."

I looked down at my feet, sighing. "Yes, well, I guess they were just surprised that we left the grounds. I don't leave often and rarely with company. I'm sorry our absence was so noticeable."

"Right, so, er…Elliott and you, uh..." Caleb struggled with his words for a moment before completely changing tack. "So why did you end up at the police station, then?"

"Oh, well I guess the obvious answer was that L was placed under arrest." I dropped my voice. "For assaulting a constable. He punched him."

The disapproval couldn't be hidden in his eyes. "Why would he do that? That's one of the stupidest things I've heard in my life. I mean, every one of my mates has had that notion but they didn't act on it!"-

"I know it's mad, but he felt he had just cause." I kept in step with Caleb as he stormed down the hallway toward the stairs. "The constable was very insulting. He called me several rude things and L was angry. He was coming to my defense, Cay, stupid or not."

He paused by the stairwell and I was amazed to watch an unexpected expression cross his face. He wore a sense of appeasement. "Oh, oh well, good on him, I'm glad he didn't let the wanker get away with it. I know would have done the same if someone was being disrespectful to someone I cared about."

I smiled at ease. "Yes, so several hours later, he's out on bail and it's rather late, but he certainly doesn't regret it."

"As he shouldn't." Caleb resolutely nodded and then gestured down the steps. "I think I might be able to find the kitchen if I ramble about a bit, but do you mind showing me instead, Gracie?"

I tried not to look back to the door where my L was waiting and shook my head. He would understand that I couldn't be an unhelpful friend or hostess. "Not at all, it's this way. Follow me."

"Ta!" he grinned as we descended the steps, surprised to still hear chatter coming from below. "I guess this place always has life, doesn't it?"

"You could say that." I answered with an apprehensive tone, since the entirety of the conversing and laughter seemed to be originating from one location. "Sometimes more than not."

As we continued toward the kitchen, the noise grew louder and several distinct voices could be heard playfully arguing about something unknown. I frowned and pushed open the kitchen door to be greeted with four faces busy making snacks and pouring milk and leftover punch and making a proper ruckus.

"Hey hey! Join the party!" Mello called out perched on the top rung of a chair, his mouth full of some confection or another still wearing his top hat from earlier. "There's plenty to eat!"

I looked at Caleb with surprise. "I suppose everyone had the same idea as you."

He chuckled. "Yeah, is anyone asleep right now?"

Jude sat at the table working on two dinner rolls and a glass of water and he couldn't stop smirking when I came into view. I suddenly had a feeling of foreboding.

"Grace, wow, I didn't expect you down here. Didn't you have someone—I mean  _something_  to do?"

I shot a fierce look at him and crossed my arms. "I'm not going to dignify that remark with an answer. The lot of you are going to be exhausted tomorrow and you know as well as I do that your studies cannot suffer. So, finish up and head to bed. We don't want this house to be reduced to a lot of walking undead come morning."

Matt laughed aloud and held out his arms in front of him and widened his eyes. "Braiiinnns! Me need braiiiinns!"

"Indeed, you do." Near rolled his eyes as he continued stacking sugar cubes at his seat. I assumed Jude had been the one to cause him to be sociable as I doubted he would do such a thing of his own accord. Matt stuck his tongue at him and Mello muttered something about it better to be a zombie than a robot.

"Er, what's that you got there, mate?" Caleb turned his interest to the bowl in front of Mello. "It smells great."

Mello glanced down at his snack with a smirk and Matt started to laugh. "Believe me, you don't want that, man. Mel eats some odd things."

I nodded from where I had moved to near the refrigerator. "Don't be a hero, Cay. There's plenty of food to choose from."

Caleb laughed out loud and sat next to Mello. "Now, Gracie, Lee's has got to have told you lot about my cast iron stomach. I like to try anything. Including..eh, what do you call it…Mel?"

Mello's grin grew devilishly wide. "I call it the Wam-Bam, actually."

Jude met Mello's mischievous look and almost choked on his water. This couldn't be good.

"Caleb, really, don't eat that. It wouldn't be wise." I warned as I pulled a covered cake dish from the shelf inside the refrigerator.

"This is coming from Grace who always tells us to follow the rules but ended up with the police tonight. I'd take what she says with a grain of salt if I were you." Jude teased, turning back to Caleb. "Go on, mate. Have a bite. It can't hurt."

"Where did you meet the officer anyway, G? Did the car break down or something?" Matt inquired as he handed Caleb a fresh spoon.

I blushed and turned back to the task at hand, slicing a thick wedge of the chocolate cake with raspberry filling. "Er, something like that, Matt. I'd rather not discuss it."

"Nah, I got it. You two were in the backseat again, weren't ya?" Mello pressed with a laugh as he pushed his concoction over to Caleb who seemed to stiffen in mid scoop. "Only this time, the police interrupted instead of us!"

" _This_  time?" My London friend repeated in disbelief looking to me for clarification. I in turn cast a silencing look at Mello.

"You make that activity sound like a frequent occurrence! For your information, when Matt and you vandalized the car last time, I had been asleep, and L did not wish to wake me on the ride home. If you all would get your minds out of the gutter, there would be no need for this explanation."

"Well, what's your explanation for  _this_  time? Jude asked, and I swore I saw the corners of Near's mouth turn up.

I changed my thoughts quickly to an image of Mrs. Coppersmith force feeding Jude spoonfuls of sugar and he immediately withdrew his attack, making a disgusted face. "Ugh, fine keep your secrets. For now."

I smiled back at him satisfied, my chosen snack in my hands. I was hopeful that turning L's ravenous stomach to thoughts of food would keep other thoughts from being actualized. "Thank you. Now gentlemen, if you'll excuse me."

"Grace, you can't be taking that giant piece of cake to eat in bed!" Matt observed as Caleb finally took a bite of Mello's creation.

"She is where she's going." Jude's smile was wry and the other two jovial boys started cackling with laughter. Near instead was watching Caleb as he started to chew with slight fascination.

"Enough lads." I groaned and turned my attention to Caleb as well, waiting for a reaction possibly including ripping the glass of water out of Jude's hands and downing it in one gulp to rid his mouth of the taste. Mello tended to think everything was better with chocolate, and I do mean everything. "Caleb? Are you going to be all right?"

Caleb closed his eyes and swallowed, opening them to grin at me. "Sure, Gracie, why wouldn't I be?"

"Brilliant!" Mello was impressed and thumped Caleb on the back. Even Jude admitted defeat. "I told you chocolate mousse and prawns went well together!"

"Er...it sounds horrid." I pulled a face and walked to the door. "I'm going up. Will you be okay down here, Caleb?"

Mello was now busy preparing another bowl of his snack for Cay and the man with truly the cast iron stomach gave me a content smirk. "Sure will. Just going to have some more of the Wam-Bam, ma'am."

I left them giggling to myself, knowing that Caleb had made several new friends for life in that kitchen and that perhaps our own friendship was salvaged as well. It was a peaceful thought.

* * *

At L's bedroom door, I took another deep breath and prepared myself a second time. "It's going to be all right, there's nothing to worry about. He's here, he's safe. That is all that matters. Everything else is trivial compared to that."

Feeling calmer and stronger, I opened the door and peeked my head inside. Good God, he was sitting on the bed, wearing the most adorable smile, a book in his hands.

"I was hopeful I would not have to conduct another house-wide search." he commented setting it down as I forced myself to step inside and shut the door behind me.

"Ah yes, well...there was a lot to do to look presentable."

L stood up and made his way over to me, his eyes locked on mine. "You needn't have bothered." he murmured, placing his hands on my waist. "You should know that you cannot improve perfection."

Lord.

"Oh." I whispered nervous as he kissed my forehead and stepped back taking the plate from my hands and setting it on the chair.

"Did you bring us a treat as well? My thanks. I'm sure I will be hungry later."

"Oh," I replied crestfallen. "You're not hungry now?"

"Well not yet anyway," he winked, as he started undoing the tie around his neck. "We must concern ourselves about your surprise first..."

"What are you doing?" I squeaked, panicked as he slid the tie off his neck and laid it down carefully on the bed. "L-I ...er, can we talk about this?"

"Well no, Grace, it is something that must be seen, not discussed." He unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and then crossed over to his duffle bag at the foot of the bed, crouching down to open it. I watched him silently wondering what possibly could be inside that he felt was so important to show me. I was certain the jewelry box hadn't been packed away so quickly, so I feared the worst.

"Well, er—what if I don't  _want_  to see it?" I deflected. "What if I'm not ready?"

He glanced up from his searching with a coy smile. "Oh, but you've always wanted to see this. How could you not be ready?"

I frowned, growing even more alarmed. My peace of mind had dissipated long ago. "L, there is always the possibility that I am not emotionally prepared for such a step. Everything's happening so fast, I love you, but I need time...I'm rather afraid to be honest, I mean you are so desirable and here we are, and …" I sat down on the edge of the bed helpless, burying my head in my hands. L abruptly stopped his work and instantly was at my side, placing an arm around my shoulders.

"Grace, dearest. I'm afraid that we are on two very different wavelengths right now." He placed an envelope in my lap, trying to hide the amusement in his eyes. "This is what I want to show you, not what you imagine."

I looked at him for a moment, feeling rather foolish and opened the envelope, pulling out several photographs obviously used in a case as could be determined by the printed numbers in the right-hand corner of each picture. "Oh my!" I covered my mouth to stifle my laughter as I realized what he had wanted to show me. "You truly weren't the prettiest of girls, were you?"

The photos from the New York case! I thought I'd never see them. The images were priceless. Full shots of L dressed in a knee length denim skirt and green sweater, a brown wig with fringe and pigtails on his head and a pair of small black rimmed glasses on his nose. He looked more miserable than I had ever seen him.

L leaned closer with a mirthless chuckle. "Yes, I certainly wasn't. Yet, the culprit still went after me, heaven knows why."

"So, I  _could_ have done this!" I was back in full teasing mode as the next picture showed L wearing a pair of headphones and carrying a messenger bag with a cartoon cat on the side. "You weren't dressed scandalous in any way!"

"Oh no you could not." He protested. "I was given that get up because I was an unattractive female. The attractive cops they dressed rather scantily, you would have been certainly in their camp. Besides, even if there wasn't the possibility that you would have been preyed upon by the kidnappers, to just imagine you traipsing around Central Park looking like a-"

"Ginger trollop?" I finished and we both fell into peals of laughter.

"Yes, yes, correct. A ginger trollop. Well, I doubt you would have wanted that." L paused, smiling as he played with a loose lock of hair that had fallen out of my elastic. "G, about what you feared…"

Oh Lord. I reddened and shuffled the photos in my lap. "Oh, please let's not talk about my paranoia on such a wonderful night."

"Paranoia." L repeated fondly, gently turning my face toward his. "Grace, listen to me. I did not bring you in here to… er… seduce you…even if I knew how. I just wanted to more time with you, away from the other's prying eyes. Please do not think of me in that fashion. I-I, we have just confessed our feelings, there is time later for everything else. There is absolutely no rush."

I took a great deal of comfort knowing he was just as nervous and apprehensive as me but did worry that I had hurt his feelings. "I'm sorry." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his waist and placing my head on his shoulder. "I didn't mean to accuse you of any ulterior motives."

L chuckled low. "Worry not. I am just thankful to be physically here with you. To be able to touch your skin and look into your extraordinary eyes…being close to you is truly when I find sanctuary, when there are no facades and I can simply be the man who loves you and needs not another thought in his head."

"When did you know?" I asked then, kissing his cheek.

"Know what exactly, Grace?" L asked sighing with contentment.

"Er...that I was your sanctuary, I suppose."

"Ah that." His arms found their way around my body and he nuzzled his cheek against my hair. "I tried to deny that with every fiber of my being. It was something I completely did not want to happen, but it was entirely out of my control, and once I accepted it, I felt much better,"

"Yes, I know what you mean." I smiled a little. "But when exactly?"

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I  _had_  begun." L quoted, delighting me exceedingly.

I grinned and snuggled closer. "You actually did read the book after I recommended it when I watched you swim? You didn't seem like you would. I mean then, I wouldn't have pegged you for a romantic."

"Well, fortunately for the both of us you were wrong in your assumption." He answered lightly. "But to be truthful, I realized I loved you when I thought of you before myself. When something was to happen, I would immediately think if it would affect you, or what your opinion would be. I would watch you with the others, and learn that despite our differences, you were someone very precious and gave the children something they longed for. The same thing I longed for, the ability to love and be loved. Now to know that you are mine, and that same love you share also belongs to me, you cannot know how happy it makes me. I feel like no matter what else I do in life, I have already won. I have you. That's how I know."

The tears rose before I could stop them, and I pulled his face toward mine kissing him with as much passion as I could muster. "Promise me," I murmured between kisses. "Promise me that you will take care of yourself when you must leave. I am not foolish enough to tell you not to leave me, but be cautious, L. You know how much I love you now, but I worry just as much."

L took my face in both of his hands and gazed deeply into my eyes. "I promise." He vowed solemnly. "I promise, I will do everything in my power to keep myself protected."

I smiled up at him. "Thank you. You can't know what that means."

"I speak with full honesty." L released me and dropped a kiss on top of my head. "Now, on to more pressing things."

I watched the center of my world with shining eyes. "Yes?"

He stood up from the bed with purpose and lifted me to my feet. He took me in for a moment with the happiest look in his eyes. "I believe there is something in this room that you must desire with high anticipation. Something we were denied this evening due to the prolonged unpleasantness of the police station. I think now is the time."

My heart stopped, and I stared at him in stunned disbelief. Oh my Lord, he wasn't…

L took a few steps and picked up the plate from the chair, presenting the cake to me. "Would you like the first taste, dearest?"

In the split-second decision of either smashing the cake into his face or taking what he offered, I chose the latter. "I would be delighted. Positively delighted."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
> 
> New song – Young and Beautiful – Lana Del Rey
> 
> L's quote is from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice-Darcy's speech in response to Lizzy asking him when he fell in love with her. I found it fitting here. :)


	51. Orphans

**Chapter 51. Orphans**

It's a very odd feeling to know you are being watched. Before I had even lifted my head from the pillow, I was certain that a pair of eyes were locked on me waiting until I fully awoke. The voyeur was entirely content to just sit there, possibly with a grin twitching the corners of his mouth as I feigned slumber. Tired of being such an object of interest and slightly unnerved, I sighed loudly, opening my eyes to find Anne eagerly perched on the end of my bed instead, wearing the wide grin that I was so sure had belonged to someone else.

"Everything." She sang brightly "I want to know EVERYTHING!"

I muttered something about needing to install a pass code system to enter my quarters and buried back under the covers, partly wondering how I had even ended up in my own bed anyway. The last thing I remembered was being warmly tucked into his arms and resting my head on his shoulder as my eyes had begun to droop after eating quite a good deal of cake.

This did not deter her. "Grace Deacon! I am your sister and your best friend in the world! You need to tell me right now what happened between you two because I haven't been able to think of anything else!"

"Nothing at all?" I smirked. "Poor Liam."

She let out an exasperated groan and started to shake my shoulders. " _Gracie_! This is no time for jokes! L won't tell me anything, so you must!"

I sat up abruptly, my face growing hot. "You have been interrogating  _L_? Anne, he must have been mortified!"

Anne twisted her fingers together in a sheepish fashion. "Well, you were asleep, and he wasn't, you know, because he really doesn't…"

"Not uncommon but still!"

She produced a small pout. "I had to know! I've been an observer of this drama for long enough! The fact that it's finally resolved makes me hungry for every possible detail! You don't know how long I've waited to hear about this!"

"Oh, very well, I don't want to leave you in apparent agony." I finally relented. "Ask away."

Her buoyancy returned. "Okay, well for starters, and I'm really just diving in here, does he wear boxers or briefs?"

"ANNIE!" I gasped, turning even more scarlet. "I don't know  _that!"_

My best friend and torturer doubled over with laughter and I wondered if she'd find things so humorous with the addition of a pillow being thrown at her head. "Haha! Gotcha! If you knew the answer to that, I'd probably faint!"

"I rather hope I did now, knowing the effect such knowledge would have on you." I sniffed, yawning a little. "Now, if you're quite done scaring me half to death - "

"Okay! Okay!" she sobered. "But really, how did it finally happen? I mean, Wammy and I were cooking up some plots of our own but-"

I was completely awake now. "What? Plots? What on earth do you mean by that? And Wammy?"

She sighed. "Oh, I don't know, there was one where we were going to send you both away on a "case" and then arrange it so that you were staying in the same room by some happy accident…"

My mouth fell open.

"And then the locking you in a closet until you confessed scheme was considered for a while, although that was more Fritz's idea…"

"What?!"

"Matt had the notion of writing you a love poem and making it sound like L wrote it, but even in a house of gifted kids no one could get it to sound "L" enough and then they had trouble trying to find a rhyme for "truffle". I told them just to go with your name but by then Mello had given up and said he was hungry."

My head was spinning. "I-I can't believe this!"

"But I'm just glad it happened now, because the ideas they had for the holidays—mistletoe all over the house, an invitation for an intimate dinner stuffed inside two separate Christmas crackers, a well-orchestrated game of truth or dare…"

"Stop!" I cried, partly wondering if I was still dreaming. "Are you telling me that the whole of Wammy's House was playing matchmaker for us?!"

Anne's eyes twinkled. "Yeah, well everybody but the Copper. She said you could do better, that L only cares about his bloody sweets and for all of us to get out of the kitchen." She shrugged good naturedly. "I think she's still annoyed that no one's tried to fix her up with Wammy."

I shuddered involuntarily. "Good Lord, perish the thought. But Annie, why would everyone have gone to such trouble? Our being apart wasn't  _hurting_  anyone."

"Well in poor Jude's case, it was." Laughing, Anne came forward and placed her hand on top of mine, her eyes warm. "I thought you could figure out the answer to that, G. It's because we love you both and want you to be happy. Wouldn't you have done the same for me?"

I melted, a smile finally forming on my face as I hugged her. "Of course, I would have. Thank you. I'm sorry I was so ratty about it. It's wonderful that there was a backup plan if we ended up failing. It seemed to be the direction we were heading for quite a while."

"Don't mention it." Anne hugged me back then posed her next question. "Well? So how does it feel to have a sweetie utterly in love with you? Isn't it great?"

I grinned and hid my eyes as I pushed the blankets off of myself. "It's ..it's amazing. I-I love everything right now. The constant rains, incredibly tough cases, Mrs. C's shrill voice when she's scolding someone, even best friends who wake me up early just to get all the soppy details, it's all perfect and I wouldn't change anything. He loves me, Annie, it's real and true and I'm capable of telling him the depths of my feeling. I never thought I'd be so fortunate. I thought my heart would forever remain silent."

Anne nodded as I spoke, her grin growing more and more. "Yep, that's what it's like. The only thing L said was that he was "very pleased with the turn of events"." She imitated his flat affect then giggled. "Liam is more effusive when United wins! I knew I'd get a little more of a response from you."

I giggled. "Well yes, that was a given."

"But even if he can't say it, I know how much more he's feeling. Isn't it incredible how much more he wants to be involved with the rest of us now? I mean, he acts like he has a family! We're not strangers anymore. By the way, you must see the gorgeous pair of sapphire earrings he gave me this morning as an engagement present. You could tell he had tried to find something that I would like. It made me so happy that he's showing that he cares, that he loves just like the rest of us. I always knew he could, he just needed some reason to try."

My smile faltered when I remembered the little velvet box from the previous evening. Was it possible that all along L had been carrying Anne's gift and not what I had deduced? It made much more sense the more I considered it. Of course, he would have had it on his person to present to Anne at the ball, he would have had no reason to be carrying anything else. Then his removal from the house had delayed the delivery of the gift. I sighed and stood up from the bed, preparing to dress. "Yes,  _Lively's_  truly has some exquisite pieces. It's where I purchased your pendant with Ella. They only sell lovely things."

I was half way to my wardrobe when Anne's voice answered in surprise. " _Lively's_? In  _town_? No, Gracie, the earrings were from a shop in London, close to the Savoy. That's what the box said, " _Bentley Brothers on the Strand_ ". He must have bought them when he was there with us."

I gasped, not expecting that answer. I had been so prepared to accept the fact that I was jumping the gun when it came to any hopes about that velvet box I had last seen in a plastic case behind Tom in the police station, and now I had to start once more from square one. My heart started to pound.

"Hun? Are you okay?" Anne's tone was concerned as she stood up as well.

I took a deep breath, steadying my heart as I slowly turned around to face her. "Anne, there is something I must mention. Last evening, when L had to empty his pockets at the behest of the authorities, he was carrying a velvet box from  _Lively's_ … I have been impossibly curious to know its contents ever since."

My best friend's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she threw her hands up to her mouth to smother any possible screams. After a few moments she was more in control and spoke carefully though her eyes were still large. "L was carrying around a jewelry box…"

I nodded, watching her begin to pace. "Yes…"

She paused. "That wasn't the one that had my earrings in it…"

"Correct, it was a different one, from the Winchester shop. Er, do you think?"

She joined me, wearing a look of disbelief and hope. "That he is going to ask you to marry him?! With a ring this time?! Um, yes!"

I stared at her at a loss for words and wrapped my arms around myself. "I can't think of anything else. He joked about marriage before, back when I could barely stand him…but I can't help to think that if he has loved me for so long that he may be serious this time."

Anne's thrilled expression changed to one of confusion. "So long? Not just as long as you, G?"

I smiled a little, remembering how endearing he had been when he had blurted out the truth. "Years, Annie. Six to be exact."

"Oh my God! I swear I'm going to murder him!" Her gleeful laugh bubbled out. "Six years and no one the wiser! He definitely is the master of deception!"

"He never wanted me to know." I admitted feeling caught up in similar excitement. "And then…one day that changed. Everything did,"

Anne said nothing more but grabbed my hands in hers and started spinning us around like we were still little girls. "This is unbelievable! You tell me this and then ask whether you think he wants to marry you! Gracie! I'm surprised he hasn't already named your children!"

"He did promise Jude not to name them after letters." I added laughing as she finally let me go, breathing hard but grinning all the same. "But a proposal now, isn't it too soon? I would never want to steal your thunder with such a thing."

"Ah, Sis." Anne gazed at me with warm affection. "There is no way this news couldn't make you or me the happiest people on earth. It's like every wish I've had has come true. He was so lonely, Gracie. He never let anyone in, he just lived his life without joy or possibility. The only times I'd ever see him come alive were when he was working or when he was interacting with you, even if by interacting I mean arguing about anything and everything." She blinked several times, and my heart ached knowing that she was completely right. L had had a pretty miserable existence, even if it was of his own choosing.

"And you," she continued softly. "You had a much fuller life, caring for the kids, working, teaching, radiating love and humor in everything you do, but there was something missing too. It was easy to tell what that was. When I would be dating and acting silly about crushes, I wanted you to have that experience too. I guess it was obvious to both of us that Andrew wasn't going to be the solution, but I wanted  _someone_  to come along to return all the love you gave so easily. I wanted you to be happy, to be crazy about somebody, to let loose a little, you know? That's when I realized that if L just made a little more of an effort to be likeable and you let your guard down a bit that you could both be the answer to what you were both lacking. And I had laughed when I figured that out, because I knew there was more of a chance of practically anything else happening then that. That didn't mean I stopped hoping though." Anne's voice broke then, and she pulled me close into a tight hug. "And now to know it's all true! That you were exactly what he needed, God, Grace, it's so wonderful! To think, once you're married, you'll be together forever! He obviously wants to start that as soon as possible if he already has the ring!"

"Forever." I whispered as I hugged her back, a gnawing feeling returning to my stomach from the days and weeks before when I wondered how long forever would be. Obviously forever was a casual term used for eternity, synonymous with life everlasting. But even one night of peace, laughter and pure bliss couldn't make the truth go away. I was deeply in love with a man who had quite possibly the most dangerous job on Earth. I tried to put that out of my mind as my best friend reveled in my good fortune. I felt silly. She was so focused on the now, and I was busy worrying about a questionable future.

"Yep and ever!" she added giving me an extra squeeze. "L's never going to let you go!"

"I'd like that." I finally smiled as she pulled apart from me and appraised me through shining eyes.

There was one thing I was certain of. I didn't care how long forever was going to be as long as I was with him for all of it.

* * *

After dressing for the day, Anne and I came downstairs to find most of the house's population glued to the television set in the great room, sitting, standing and laying everywhere and anywhere as a cooking show aired. I doubted this is what had captured their collective interest even if the food prepared looked appetizing.

"I thought you guys were getting an early start home!" Anne teased as she gave Jamie a playful punch where he leaned against the back of the couch. "Are you still on London time?"

Caleb glanced up from where he was seated between Matt and Jude and gave us a sheepish smile. "Mrs. Coppersmith has promised a huge fry up for us all, so we didn't see the harm in staying a bit longer."

"Ah, now I understand." I smirked, watching then as everyone sat forward and dropped private conversations as a news program started. "My, what could possibly be this exciting to make you all stop talking so fast? Roger's never been so lucky!"

Matt tipped his head back to look up at me through his tinted goggles he had taken to wearing with mild disapproval. 'It's Kira-watch '05, Grace! Get with it!"

Anne looked uncomfortable and I rolled my eyes as a recap of the week's parliamentary proceedings began. "Kira, really Matt? Are you keeping a tally? How many times do I have to tell you? Kira's actions are not meant for amusement and he will be caught."

"How Grace?" It was now Jude's turn to look back at me in an annoyingly superior way that was so reminiscent to L's at his age. "They don't even know his m.o.! How is anybody going to catch him?"

I gave him a hard look and then slightly jerked my head toward the London boys arranged around the room. The last thing anyone needed was for Liam to blurt out something telling that all of his friends would hear about how his good mate L would kick Kira's arse without breaking a sweat or something to that effect. "Mark my words, he will be found and arrested. This vigilante nonsense will have to stop sooner or later."

"Right." My sister nodded in agreement. "What Kira is doing is wrong."

Jude frowned. "I think getting rid of criminals off the streets is a good thing, no matter how it's being done." I knew he was thinking of Father Wesley's senseless death then, but his words still saddened me.

"I reckon you're right there, mate." Jamie spoke up. "I wish Kira had been around when I was small. It might have done a world of good to have all the lowlifes running scared and such."

"Yeah, it's not like we have to worry about Kira targeting our friends and families! They aren't criminals! It's not affecting our lives in any way but making the streets safer." Wood pointed out and I was becoming more and more incensed at his and the others' sphere of influence toward the kids. Damn Mrs. Coppersmith and her enticing fry ups to ninth circle of hell.

Anne turned to me then with a knowing look in her eyes as she mouthed the word. "Beyond."

I sighed. "I don't like this talk. Even if it never affects us, it's clearly murder. How is that any better?"

"Shh! It's starting!" Jude interjected as the program returned to the newsreader, now with word Kira next to his head in a wild red font.

" _And now for our main story. Today, twenty-four new deaths have been attributed to the entity known as Kira. The list of the deceased contains the names of some of the most notorious criminals the world has ever seen, including several from here in the United Kingdom_ …."

I heard Anne take in a sharp breath and I reached for her hand to provide support. "Oh, who'd he get?!" Wood cried out as he leaned in closer to the television.

The newsreader read off some familiar names that had been imprisoned for years. All in different parts of the world, all in a single day. My heart stopped in my chest when they read the next name and showed a face I would have known anywhere.

"… _lastly being Reginald Huxley, famously known for the Hampshire vigilante slayings in the autumn of 1984 which were only attributed to him after the later shootings of his wife, Felicity Huxley nee Wentworth, his father in law, Edwin Wentworth, Christopher Parks, his butler and Nancy Reed the family housekeeper by hunting rifle. Huxley was originally sentenced to segregation but was reprieved from this level of confinement due to his unstable mental state_.  _Once again, Reginald Huxley, dead at the age of fifty-eight. We will have more on this developing story at the noon hour when we are joined by Denny Parks, son of Christopher Parks in the studio…"_

"Reginald Huxley?" Mello made a face. "Who is that?"

"You don't know about him, mate?" Wood seemed surprised. "He was completely barmy…just burst into his house with his gun after hunting and murdered his whole family. They found him lying in his wife's blood crying and stuff. It was in all the papers…even I remember it as a kid!"

"Gracie?!" Anne winced as my hold on her tightened. "What is it? Hey, you're hurting me!"

I released her as ice stole into my veins and I backed away with a shaky smile, the nausea about to overwhelm me. "Sorry, just was bit caught up in all of the fuss. Twenty-four people, eh? Well, I better go prepare today's lesson…" I reached the door still under her confused and worried look and slipped out into the hallway while the others remarked on the new victims.

I didn't get far before I had to stop and press my hand to my mouth to not gag.

Huxley, good Lord, Huxley. Reddish hair, blue eyes, the same look…no wonder L had known immediately my parentage upon seeing him. I was my father's daughter certainly in appearance. It could never be denied. And now he was dead.

My knees gave out and I leaned against the wall for a moment as I took in a shaky breath. I had never known him, merely lived in fear of what he had done and what that had meant. It was because of him I had to come to Wammy's House in the first place. It was because of him that I never got to grow and know my lovely mother or grandfather and have an entirely different life. It was because of him that I had chosen to live a life that sought to seek justice and help those in need. It was because of him that I was in line to become L. It was because of him that I knew L at all.

Sighing and feeling sharp pains in my middle, I knew who I had to go see.

* * *

Shaking a little, I finally opened the door to headquarters, taking a deep breath as I made my way down the stairs. I could see the occupied red chair and several television screens up and running as well as a computerized world map covered in red dots on the monitor by the far wall. He appeared to have been hard at work since early that morning.

My foot hit the concrete floor and I saw his head lift from where it had been hanging low at the sound.

"It's me." I mumbled, wrapping my arms more around myself. It never seemed like headquarters could ever be warm enough for my liking.

He stood up his shoulders more slumped than usual and took me in wordlessly. "I was about to come speak with you. Grace, er there has been a significant death— "

"Huxley, I know." I answered quickly, casting my gaze down. "Because of Kira."

He let in a little intake of breath but nodded. "Yes, I suppose you found out before I did. My apologies, I was trying to contemplate how to inform you of this."

"It's all right, it was just on a news report. Kira's killings have become event telly here. We must speak to Jude and Matt about this behavior. They are obviously enthralled and it's a terrible example for the others."

"Yes." he frowned and stepped forward. "Is there anything at all that I can do?"

I tried to manage a smile despite my heavy heart. "I'm simply thankful you are here to come to. You who know all my secrets. I'm not going to cry, I assure you."

"I am glad to be here." he murmured as he moved closer, holding out his arms. "And crying is of no relevance, come. This must come as a tremendous shock."

I shrugged shakily, my voice beginning to break. "I suppose I'm truly an orphan now."

"Hush now, there's nothing wrong with that." L pulled me against his chest as I felt the first shuddering sob build in my throat. This was such an awful feeling, it was too much to take. The only thing keeping me together was his embrace. In his arms I felt a wave of serenity, of safety, of a pain so pure it took my breath away. A knot blocked my throat as he silently held me, his fingers stroking my hair. Damn, I swore I wouldn't cry, but though I had performed that action on plenty of sniffling children, I had never been comforted in such a way. I couldn't keep up any of my guards with his pure comfort.

"A-Anne doesn't even know about him. And I hear of the death and I can't even be comforted by her. I was always so afraid what people would think if they knew. But hardly anyone batted an eyelash when they read his name except Liam's mates…I was the only one who nearly fainted where I stood."

"The younger children may not have heard of him…Watari does not like that case included in their studies because of how it might hurt you."

"I wondered…" I sniffled and lifted my head up sadly. "I know it's foolish to be crying over this man, but I can't stop."

"Why would it be foolish? It's completely understandable." He gently wiped a tear from my cheek. "You have every right to grieve, dearest."

"I-I know not if it's grief or bloody relief!" I took in another trembling breath as my chest ached. "So much fear, for so many years, those nightmares…he can't hurt anyone now, but dammit L, he couldn't hurt anyone where he was either, guarded day and night! Why must this Kira play god? Did he not even care who he was? How did he even get to him?!"

L sighed. "That is what I'm trying to deduce. The deaths attributed to Kira today were worldwide, not just in the same prison or even country. It's completely bizarre and seemingly impossible to accomplish, but somehow it is occurring."

I sighed rubbing my eyes with the back of my wrist. "If it's possible that something or someone is just casting blind judgment on anyone it does not deem worthy of life, what is stopping it from killing anyone they want? People talk of Kira's code…but does he truly have one?"

L's lips formed a straight line and he released me. "It matters not if there is a code, it is still vilely reprehensible. Grace, your emotions are so scattered now, but I do wish you to keep this in mind. You are not to feel in debt to Kira for the murder of Huxley. Murder for murder never accomplishes anything. Huxley thought he was doing good as an envisioned vigilante killing small time criminals at night…he wasn't. He was going insane. He killed your family because he imagined that they were other people. When he was found, he was telling the police that he had to phone his wife and tell her he was arrested. He had completely detached from reality, and this Kira has as well. These murders will not continue forever, Kira will be caught. I am closer to locating him every day, mark my words. You, my darling, can rest easy and sleep peacefully as you did last night because nothing can harm you now. Your demons are dead and I am keeping watch."

Stunned, I opened my mouth to protest when the door above us opened and Jude appeared at the top of the stairs looking pained and leading someone by the hand. He took the stairs two at a time pulling Anne behind him who wore a worried look until her eyes fell on me. "Gracie! What's wrong? You left so fast and I-"

Jude reached the bottom of the steps and sighed, taking me in. "Please just tell her, G. Please. She's giving me a headache."

I gasped and turned to L who kept his hand on my back and rubbed it gently. "It's all right tell her the truth. It cannot hurt you."

"What's the truth?! Hun why are you crying?" Anne broke apart from Jude and stepped forward to give me a hug.

Frightened I kept my eyes on L not wanting to say a word to Anne as I feared her reaction. In simple terms, her sister's father was a murderer…how could one accept that easily?

She let me go and held me at arm's length, her eyes understanding as always. "This Kira stuff has upset you, hasn't it? You don't have to tell me that, it makes me sick to my stomach thinking of what could happen and if B's in any danger."

"I-I.." I struggled for speech and noticed Jude waiting almost hopefully. I thought then on how I hadn't been the only one carrying my secret, that others had borne it along with me as well.

I sighed and gestured toward the red chair. "You might want to sit down, Annie."

I could tell she was confused but more eager to know what was troubling me as she slowly nodded and crossed over to the chair, watching as the rest of us came to stand in front of her.

I sought an opening as I twisted my fingers together. "All right then…as of today, I am an orphan, but I was not yesterday. My father was still living."

Anne's eyes widened, and she sat forward. "Your father? But Gracie I thought-"

"My father was Reginald Huxley, and Kira has murdered him." It seemed easier to say with each passing moment. My father had committed horrifying crimes, but the most terrible of all he hadn't even known about. For so long I had imagined my father killing my mother in cold blood, but now I knew the truth. It made his death take on a different meaning. I could almost feel saddened for him and sad for myself for always being so afraid and not wishing to learn more besides what I already feared.

I waited for the disgust, the horror, the recoiling and then severing of our long friendship but it never came. Her eyes, still shocked, started to well up with tears and two moments later she was hugging me again. "Grace, oh God, why didn't you  _tell_  me? How terrible! I'm so sorry…you can't know how sorry."

Surprised, I looked up to see both Jude and L wearing the same expression. Reassurance. They both had had no doubt how Anne would take this news, why had I?

"And then to see everything on the news like that! No wonder you were crying!" she stepped back and held on to my hands. "Girl, we all had these terrible stories before Wammy found us. Don't be afraid of what you can't control. Jude and that horrible abbey, me in numerous foster care placements. Even those who have no idea where they came from and might have just fell out of the sky," She formed a small smile as she glanced at L. "None of that needs to make us who we are."

I breathed deeply and managed a returning smile. "You are right of course. I'm sorry I kept this from you. We try to tell each other everything and-"

She dismissed my concerns with a wave of her hand. "It's perfectly fine! I can understand how your past would have kept you quiet. Do you feel any better after talking about it?"

I thought deeply for a second, searching for the pain and loss I had felt when I had seen Huxley's face but only could find a slight sense of calm. "I-I think I will, yes."

Anne's grin was matched by Jude's who eagerly started back up the stairs. "Brill! Let's go eat!"

The room's atmosphere lightened, and Anne started tugging my hand. "He's got a good point. That fry up is going to be one for the ages. Are you coming, L? I'm sure the kitchen can make a stack of hotcakes for you."

"Oh, er no thank you, Anne. I am not at all hungry." He declined with a shake of the head, watching as she led me toward the steps. "I am just thankful that you will be here for Grace when I cannot."

"Oh, well, of course! That's what family does!" she answered brightly, evoking her future mother-in-law's words, but I had still been looking back toward him as he spoke. The resolution and regret in his eyes was hard to miss. What had he meant by that comment? Why had it carried with it such an air of finality?

Questionably I stared at him as she passed through the door and I remained on the top step. The sadness in his eyes disappeared and he smiled. "Worry not, I will find Kira and you go find breakfast."

Startled I tried to think of a way to ask what he was thinking, but only a shy "I love you" tumbled from my lips.

L brightened considerably as he moved to resume his seat in the large armchair. "And I love you too. Now, don't keep Anne waiting. You know where I'll be."

"Right." I whispered and forced myself to step through the threshold and close the door behind me. But for how long? was my new worry.

Anne was waiting in the corridor. "Thought I lost you! Come on, you know the lads always cheer you up. Let's go get some brekkie before it's all gone."

I nodded silently and followed her, knowing the worrying fact that I may have lost one fear, but another had fallen in its place. L would stop at nothing to locate Kira, and when he did…what then? My heart started to pound as I felt forever already ticking down in my head.

"You know," Anne mentioned as we walked toward the dining hall. "L might not say much but he shows everything in his looks. And the looks he was giving  _you_ ,..hehe…I can almost believe Jamie now when he told me he saw L carrying you off to his bedroom last night! I doubt you will be  _Miss_ Gracie for much longer!"

I smiled a little despite my anxiety. "Moving rather fast, don't you think? Even with this prospective ring, there is still the need to plan a wedding."

"Well maybe, but you could never say the two of you were an average couple!"

Well yes, I could certainly agree with that. I just never had thought so soon in our newfound relationship that I would wish for the opposite with every fiber of me.

Average couples didn't hunt down murderers and teach geniuses and bicker and row through twenty years of knowing each other. They didn't secretly fall in love and try everything to hide it from the other person due to pride or embarrassment, and they didn't get arrested on a harmless date either. I found my heart lifting a little more as I thought on things.

Perhaps not being average wasn't such a horrible thing after all. It at least made life interesting and much more eager to live.

If he planned to keep watch over the demons I would make certain that they would never come close enough to see. It was all I could possibly do to keep watch over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chap song – Orphans – Jack's Mannequin
> 
> New Chap Song – Seven Devils and Heartlines – Florence + The Machine


	52. Mischief

_Erm..lime warning for the second half of the chap_

**Chapter 52. Mischief**

It was now several days later, and life at Wammy's had finally fallen back into its predicable pace. The talk between lessons was peppered with hopes and wishes for the approaching yuletide and though there had hardly been enough snow to dust the tree branches, a full-on snowball fight orchestrated by Mello and Fritz was about to commence on the back lawn. One that I expected to be quite short lived.

"Now, hold still one more moment." I urged Beto as I zipped him up into his good coat. The seven-year-old was in my opinion much more justified in his unbridled excitement than the grown man taunting the smirking blonde teenager by the back doors.

"My team is going to give you such a drubbing, you won't even know what hit you!" Fritz threatened with a good-natured glint in his eye as Beto stopped squirming and let me tie his knitted cap with ear flaps under his chin. I shared a beleaguered look with Anne who was busy matching pairs of boots for the few children still in their socked feet and she grinned in reply.

"A drubbing? Don't make me laugh! You may know your way up in the air, mate, but I assure you the ground is a different story." Mello pushed his hair off his face and stuck out his chin. "Tell 'em, Matt."

"Er, yeah, You might as well give up hope now. There's no way you're gonna beat us!"

Jinya skipped up then in a pink ski jacket and a fuzzy white beret and stuck her tongue out at the others. "There is certainly a way! You all might have the book smarts, but we've got the street smarts! Don't we, Fritzie? It won't do much good to be thinking when you're being pelted with snowballs! Begging for mercy is more like it!"

"Thinking?" I asked confused as I helped Walseka put on her mittens.

"Didn't you know?" Anne laughed as the four of them went outside to set up the parameters or rules or whatever people do when they create a house-wide snowball fight. "It's L's successors against the rest of us! The geniuses against the gifted! That's how Mello's been touting it."

"But…" I did the quick arithmetic in my head. "We will be dreadfully outnumbered."

"You've got that right." Jude groaned, a brown jacket thrown over his hooded sweatshirt as he came into the mudroom. "L's not even playing."

I sighed but understood. I hadn't seen much of L in the last few days. He felt like he was on the verge of a triumphant breakthrough in the case and had positively thrown himself into his research, seemingly taking up residence in headquarters and only emerging when absolutely necessary. In the past, when L began to work extra hard and speculate endlessly and run himself ragged searching for answers, it had been best to keep my distance and I was following that logic this time as well. I had however woken up to a chocolate truffle resting on my bedside table every morning since his all-nighters had begun so I suppose some things had changed.

"So, without L, there's five…against at least three times that number." I determined aloud and Jude shook his head.

"Wrong, four. Near says he has "no desire to participate in such childish acts."

"Too bad." Anne frowned. "With the way he throws his robots around he probably has a good arm."

"Well right then." I sighed fitting my own hat on my head, my expression grim. "Do we surrender now or wait a round or two?"

* * *

"You do know this is completely unfair, Fritz." I crossed my arms as the boys started contributing to our arsenal of snowballs on the one side of the back lawn that they had dubbed our territory.

Before Fritz could respond from the other side of no man's land, Mello spoke up, dropping several snowballs into my mittened hands. "Don't act like we're at a disadvantage, G. The little ones will be easy to knock out of the way. Then it's just Fritz, Jinya, Omar, Anne and  _Linda_. We'll destroy 'em!" His blue eyes sparkled with mischief.

I gave him a dark look as the cold snow seeped past the thin fabric of my badly chosen outerwear onto my skin. "Just how do you plan to "knock them out of the way", Mihael? You must remember that they are children and not pawns for you topple over. You'll have me and Roger to answer to if you cause any tears."

Mello grumbled as he stalked off to make more snowballs. Matt approached in his trademark combat boots with a bewildered expression. "Why is Mel being ratty about Linda?" he asked as I finally had to drop the snowballs to my feet as my hands were bloody freezing.

I blinked but supposed then that Mello had never explained to his best friend why he had been jealous of his date at the ball and I surely wasn't about to. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Heaven only knows. That boy gets affronted by the slightest thing anymore. She probably just looked at him funny and now she's on notice."

Matt frowned. "Well that's no way to be. Maybe I should talk to him about it. I mean she's so quiet I can't imagine how she offended him."

"Er, yes that could work..." I hesitated, not wanting to imagine the fallout if Matt chose to defend Linda on top of everything else to Mello. "But I think we should let this one lie. He'll get glad again, look how excited he is there on the front lines."

Matt turned with me to see Mello cackling up ahead and adding a few more boisterous threats to Fritz and Anne who listened without a trace of belief.

"Yeah, it's like Christmas come early for him." Matt noted, a smile spreading across his freckled cheeks. "I reckon you're right, G. Do you ever get tired of being right?"

I laughed as Mello strode toward us, the devious twinkle returning to his eyes. "Yes, and that's when I prefer to be wrong."

"Right, team here's how it's gonna be." Our fearless leader announced as he pulled Jude up from reinforcement production and huddled us close together. "You get hit you're out. So, our goal is… to  _not_  be hit."

"I'm not sure I'm on the right side," Jude raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you lot supposed to be geniuses?"

Mello shot him a cold look, then continued. " _As I was saying_ , before being rudely interrupted…"

"See, affronted again." I whispered to Matt who nodded gravely.

"Sooo the only way we're not gonna be hit is if we utilize every gift we possess." Mello gave Jude a playful punch in the shoulder. "Which is why  _you_ , mate, are gonna be our ace in the hole."

Jude groaned. "I knew he was gonna say that."

Mello observed him plainly. "Right. See, it's working already."

"Are you going to deliberate strategy all day or are you ready to have your arses handed to you?!" Fritz called from his side, evidently more a doer than a thinker. Which in retrospect might explain why so many of his aviation creations had failed so miserably.

"Nearly there!" I shouted back and faced my team. "All right, Mello. You wish for Jude to use his skill to determine who they are going to attack. How exactly are we supposed to listen to him?"

Mello looked at me strangely. "How? Just listen to what he says, Grace! Use your ears!"

"I'm worrying about this team myself now." Matt joked as Mello broke apart from us disgusted and stepped up to the others.

"All right, I declare the first annual Wammy's House Snow War officially open!" he announced proudly gesturing around him with great pomp.

Jinya made a face and shifted her weight to her other hip. "How can it be annual if this is the first one?" she demanded several seconds before being hit in the arm with a well-aimed snowball.

"Jinya's out!" Matt pronounced giddy. "Game on!"

Not exactly. Fritz called a "time out" when Jinya stamped her foot and appeared near tears to confer with Mello about allowing Jinya back into the game which he claimed hadn't begun yet. Mello, in an uncharacteristic burst of good sportsmanship agreed as long as "first" and "annual" were able to be used to describe the event without any backtalk from pink haired girls.

Then, the game was officially on.

Sad to say several of the littlest participants were quickly out due to the overzealous competitive nature of my fellow teammates. I felt the need to run over and pick up Ella from the ground where she had fallen after being targeted but stopped myself when she sat up, brushed herself off and waved happily in my direction.

Matt got knocked out of play when Anne got him in the shoulder and cheered in triumph. He sighed, shrugged his shoulders and went to sit on the back steps to play with the Game Boy he had slipped in his back pocket prior to the beginning of the game. Mello's hopes weren't dashed, but they weren't rising either.

" _Hey Jude!"_ Omar started singing off key from where he had snuck behind us. " _Don't make it baaaddd…take a sad song and make it better!"_

"Bloody hell…" Jude muttered from beside me. I completely sympathized. I had a name featured in a song too after all.

"The only way to make that sad song better is for you to stop singing it!" Mello shouted as he threw a melting pile in the teenage boy's direction. "Lord, I thought Grace was bad…"

"What?!" I shrieked scooping up some snow to throw at the cheeky kid, missing of course. "I dare you to say that again!"

"Hey hey! No friendly fire!" Anne called out from where she was dodging behind Linda.

"What? No, go right ahead!" Fritz teased as he dodged a halfhearted missile which had been tossed his way.

In the midst of the firestorm of snow, Jude called a time out and changed his tactics.

"Right, if I have to do this... Look here. G, Fritz is going for you next, Mel, keep an eye out for the right flank, you're about to be bombarded. Jinya's completely not paying attention, she's our best target." Jude muttered low as he deftly read the minds of our competitors.

"Right, got it." I whispered back and jumped out of the way of Fritz's attack just in time. Mello pelted a hapless Jinya with snow as Jude ducked and came out of the onslaught without a scratch.

Fritz stopped in his tracks, his jaw slack. Jinya stood up angrily brushing herself off and noticed her boyfriend's stunned expression. "Baby, what is it?"

The words couldn't come until several attempts. "They—He—Jude's cheating!"

I laughed. It hadn't taken him long to deduce that. Perhaps he should have been on our side instead.

Jude blinked innocently and pushed his sodden blue hair off of his face. "Cheating? How so?"

"You know you're doing that  _thing_  you do!" Omar spoke up then, taking up the cause. "Reading minds! It's an unfair advantage!"

I sighed dismissively. "Oh please. You don't believe we can realize your strategy without Jude reading your minds? That is an insult to our intelligence!"

As I continued posturing, I suddenly felt a thwack against the side of my head and lost my balance tumbling down on the ground.

As Mello and Jude pulled me up quickly, I saw two Annes sheepishly grinning at me from the direction the snowball had come from. "Sorry, Gracie! It was just too easy!"

"Right, so I'm out." I sighed and made my way to the others disqualified on the back steps. "Be lucky, lads."

Mello and Jude shared a downtrodden look before they jumped back into the fray. Through sheer luck alone they ended up hitting Omar and Anne, leaving only Fritz and Linda.

Linda glanced up at her tall team leader worriedly, likely shocked that she was still in this at all.

"Evens things up now, doesn't it?" Mello yelled. "Don't get too comfortable!"

Unfortunately, he was the one that wasn't comfortable when a low snowball sailed across the icy lawn and got him right in the not most desired place.

"Oooooohhhh!" Those of us watching winced in sympathy and Fritz looked apologetic as Mello limped off of the field of battle, leaving Jude to fend for himself.

"You can do it, Jude!" Anne shouted the lines of demarcation easily blurred once she was out of the game. A chant for him rose throughout those gathered. Jude didn't look our way as he gripped a snowball in his left hand, watching intently the two remaining. Linda seemed to gulp, and Fritz crouched forward a smirk playing on his lips.

"All right, little boy blue," he winked. "Let's see what you've got."

Jude raised his arm for his last stand and dropped it in astonishment as he watched Fritz get hit by something from above that knocked him off of his feet.

"What was that?!" Mello cried as something else sailed out of a window above our heads and landed in front of Linda.

Confused, she bent down to pick it up in her hand. "It's…it's an ice cube!" she noted in disbelief. "It's huge!"

I turned to Anne in surprise. "An ice cube?"

Matt started laughing hysterically and pointing upwards. "It's Near! Look!"

The rest of us craned up our heads to see the mop of white hair duck back from the window and slam it shut.

I watched the first goofy grin Jude had ever produced form on his face and felt like all of the squabbles and damp clothing and icy hands had all been worth it.

"Does that even count?" Fritz asked as he got up from the ground in a daze.

Anne nodded. "I think so. No one ever said the entire team had to be present. Ice is a form of water you know."

"Very well." Fritz sighed and placed a hand on Linda's shoulder. "It's up to you, Lin."

The girl nodded nervously and stared over at Jude, her brown eyes widening. Jude's grin disappeared as he returned her look.

"How is this fair?" Omar complained as no one moved. "He's just going to read her mind and win."

"I don't think so." I replied my eyes glued to the two teenagers standing a few meters apart on the frozen lawn. Something interesting was about to happen.

Linda tilted her head to the side with a small smile and Jude nodded moving forward until he reached her and shook her hand. "Good game." He told her, and she returned his congratulations in a quiet voice.

I leaned back to where Omar and Fritz sat and smiled. "You see, sometimes diplomacy is better than victory."

"Right." Mello noted, now recovered and content as he watched Linda still shaking Jude's hand and smiling up at him. I doubted he'd have much animosity toward her now which relieved me beyond measure.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, filled with hearty team spirit and pure happiness, I pulled open the heavy red door and thumped down the steps into the darkly lit headquarters where L sat bathed in the artificial light emanating from the computer screens deeply immersed in his work.

Enough was enough, I would make this man enjoy himself for once if it killed me. "Louie, I refuse to have you missing so much fun." I announced with a radiant grin as I stopped in front of his chair. His eyes rose to meet me with mild disdain, his face looking far too haggard for my liking, but the warmth of the connection between us made me dismiss my concerns. Its power was still dumbfounding.

He frowned. "Fun? Grace Deacon, your clothes are sopping wet, and puddles are forming everywhere. I do wish you would dry yourself off before you become ill."

"No, silly. You've been at this for three days. You need to take a break. Come let's find something utterly childish to do for a bit. I promise not to tell if you actually laugh during the process. It's a wonder for the spirit to play, you know. Your cares and worries just disappear for a while."

He sighed, not amused. "I cannot engage in mindless activities. I am so close, so impossibly close to the answer. Perhaps another time. Now, I please go dress yourself in something dry and drink something warm. I doubt there is any snow outside at this point. You are wearing all of it."

I gave him a dark look. He was as immovable as stone. "L, I have left you be for three days. I will not be dismissed so easily, and you are truly overreacting at my state of appearance." I undid my damp scarf from around my neck and slipped my arms out of the sleeves of my coat, setting both out to dry on an opened file cabinet drawer. I fussed with my mess of hair and felt more presentable as I returned by his side. "There, now you and the Copper won't need to have a concerned chat about my susceptibility to hypothermia." I hoisted myself up on the desk, moving some scribbled notes out of the way and gave him a small smile. "Thank you for the chocolates by the way. You must have been as silent as a thief to slip into my room multiple times with me being none the wiser."

He caught my warm gaze then and I saw a light pink color infuse his cheeks. "I am sure I don't know what you mean. Er…aren't there lessons today?"

His embarrassment was adorable. "No, you seem to have missed the track of days. There are never any lessons on the fourth Tuesday of the month."

"Ah." He answered and turned back to his computer appearing somewhat distracted by my proximity. His eyes kept shifting in my direction as he typed.

Realizing that if I couldn't beat him I must as well join him, I leaned forward to see his screen. "What can I do to help?"

His typing ceased, and he took me in with surprise. "Help?"

"Yes help. Would you like me to listen to your brainstorming? Play devil's advocate? Organize your research—what?"

His returning expression was exasperated as he ran a hand through his dark hair. "You have so much else to do in this house, why would you want to assist me in this?"

"Because you never admit that you are being unsuccessful. Any other day you would claim that the entire case was figured out and you were only finalizing things. But you said this time that you are "so close" to the answer. Despite it not sounding like a plea for my assistance, it was one. So then, I ask once more, what can I do to help?"

L blinked as I retained my indomitable look and finally sighed. "I suppose it would be beneficial for you to be knowledgeable of what is eluding me." He slowly stood up from the chair and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Come."

I slid off of the desk and followed him across the room to the massive electronic world map with its blinking red points predominately around major cities, London, New York, Moscow and Tokyo to name a few. I could understand his frustration. There did not seem to be a pattern.

He gave a defeated look at the map, obviously wishing the answer would just become clear. "The first murders attributed to Kira, they were not in one set place. They were all over the globe. It seemed like based on the names of the victims that he had found some way of learning who were the worst people ever incarcerated with the most reprehensible crimes. All of the earliest murders were serial killers locked away for life in maximum confinement. They were hand selected and they were all living on different continents with no knowledge of each other. Kira had slaughtered them all."

I felt a chill then run through me that had little to do with the usual draftiness of the room. My light nature had been sucked out of me like a vacuum. "Yes, it is clear that some list had been compiled that gave him all of these people's identities, but the real issue is that you still do not know his location or whether he keeps moving around."

L sighed heavily and nodded. "Yes, Grace. I am adamantly certain that after I determine the origin of these killings that half of the battle will be won. But I cannot proceed if Kira is not able to be found."

"I know." I furrowed my brow and crossed my arms. "Huxley…my father, he died of a heart attack. Is this the way all of Kira's victims die?"

"Yes. With no variation. It cannot be considered a natural death when the scope is so large and the age range is so vast."

"Heart attacks," I paused. "The natural killer. Killer…Kira…Kira is a Japanese term, isn't it? Have you considered Japan as a place he is hiding?"

L swallowed as he remained staring at the map. "It is a possibility, but I must take into account that it could be that Japan was where Kira found his first supporters for no defining reason. It could all be a tremendous coincidence and I cannot base my entire investigation on a hunch."

"This is true, the population wanted to believe that divine intervention was the cause of that hostage situation death, remember? They may be a more spiritual people that feel that God punishes the cruel and unjust for them. It would make sense that they would support Kira, wherever he is, even if their beliefs are misguided."

As soon as it had left my mouth I felt a stabbing regret directly after a feeling of elation. It was a profound observation and likely the right one. That night at the Savoy, the news report that had caused the most passionate argument L and I had ever had engaged in, all about the preciousness of life and how we needed the other to experience it. I never thought that night would produce the link he was looking for. It troubled me greatly.

His eyes lit up with recognition and a smile crept across his lips. "Of course. Of course…it isn't simply a hunch. Otoharada, the heart attack during the hostage situation…he could have been used to test Kira's power…Grace, my God, I believe you have cracked it. If Otoharada was the guinea pig, it only goes to prove that Kira is in Japan. He would have only been able to see that broadcast it he was near Tokyo…That death was the answer all along."

I masked my concern with humor as I returned with him to the desk. "Well don't be so surprised. I do have some skill, you know."

He stopped pacing and took my face in his hands, the scales dropping from his eyes. "You are a marvel. I am fully aware of that. Thank you for your assistance."

I felt hot under his touch. It had been the first time he had been this close to me since Huxley's death and my heart started to pound as I stared helplessly back at him. "Anything I can do to help."

Instead of smiling more, L slightly frowned and moved even closer. "You always help me. I apologize for being too stubborn to accept your help in the past. Now, how can I help you?"

I bit my lip as I tried not to keep my eyes locked on the frown I wanted to kiss away. He was so near; his undivided attention was overpowering. "You might not be a telepath, but I'm sure you can determine the answer."

Longing grew evident in his eyes as the frown diminished on its own. "That I can," he murmured, stepping forward to bring his cool lips to mine. I gasped as the kiss quickly grew stronger and his hands slipped down from my face to my waist. My fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck whispering his name as he took a breath.

He lingered at the end of the kiss and gave me a shaky smile before he buried his face in my damp hair. "God, Grace. Brilliant, brilliant Grace, I deeply apologize for this case keeping me so occupied. It is not what I wish, believe me. I'm sure it would be nice to play once and a while as you suggest."

"It's all right," I reassured him, leaving soft pecks by his ear. "As long as I may hold your interest a bit longer. That can be a sort of diversion you know."

"As long as you desire now…" he promised, picking me up and placing me on the desk before him. "It's truly painful to be away from you."

"I know," I whispered as his warming kisses fell on my neck with intensifying passion. "Let's avoid that."

He nodded with a smirk "Of course, words can't describe…"

"Can't describe what?" I sighed with delight.

He paused to rest his forehead against mine. "How deeply I love you, how highly I think of you, how so very much I desire you…the constant wonder about why I finally have all I ever wanted, the pleasant stupor I am in after learning that you want me at all…it's amazing. It should be impossible. I have considered this thoroughly over the last few days. I still cannot process this completely."

I smiled sadly and locked eyes with him, my insides growing warm. "L stop doubting this. Nothing is impossible. I love you because it is so simple to do so when your walls are down. You're so dear to me, you know. I consider  _myself_ the fortunate one."

A grin, then his caresses grew in unparalleled strength as he wrapped his strong arms more firmly around me. I was rather surprised by how ardent he was being, but I didn't mind it. It felt heavenly, truth be told.

"Make no mistake," he whispered gruffly in my ear as he carefully lowered me down onto the desk, pushing some files out of the way as he renewed his fervent touches. "I am the lucky one. I never believed such happiness was possible for me, I thought it was an aspect of life I wasn't meant to experience. Then I fell in love with you, which I felt the cruelest of divine pranks, since what purpose would such admiration serve? I would never act upon it."

His defeatist tone brought tears to my eyes, and I lifted a hand to rest against his cheek. "I am quite grateful you did," I answered in a voice just as low. "To not know your love or these feelings would be horrible."

He brushed his lips against my hand and placed it against his heart, his dark eyes meeting mine with fearless devotion. "You will know all, Grace Deacon. I cannot hold myself back anymore."

"Good." I kept my voice whole and he came forward to claim his kiss, the throbbing of his heart matching mine as our bodies came into contact. The sensation took my very breath away. I sought a way to lighten the mood quickly or I feared that I would soon be pulling his shirt up over his head so that I could feel his heartbeat even closer.

"What secrets do you hold?" I half teased as L slipped my cardigan off of my shoulder and left heated kisses on the skin he found there. I shivered as he stood up to gaze at me with an unsteady smile.

"What would you like to know?" he murmured, then kissing my hair and the tip of my nose.

"Why now? Why did you want to try for me now?" It was a question I was truly interested in and one that I hoped would give him enough pause to stop the blush-worthy thoughts running through my brain

His eyes were half closed as he smiled down at me shyly. "I always wanted to try for you. It is only now because I finally faced my fear. Any other questions?"

Rational thought was quickly fleeing my mind as he came forward and stole a long, deep kiss that caused the chills to return and my hands to pull his body even closer to mine. "First you punch a pc," I gasped as he finally released me. "then you get arrested, and now, look at you, look at us!"

"What about us?" he smirked as the room grew hotter and my hands knotted in his wild hair.

"Well, er, we're hardly exercising restraint..."

"I think we are allowed to be human every once and a while," his voice was husky as he gave me a look before dropping another kiss on my shoulder. "Unless you wish me to stop."

The practical part of me screamed yes, the darker, deeper part of me that I was only becoming acquainted with refused to say a word aloud. Only in my head was I seriously berating my judgment.  _Grace, is this really how you want things to be? On the desk in headquarters? Are either of you even ready for this?! Is your self-control really this poor?!_

He paused in his tender touches for a moment, and held himself up on his arms above me, wearing a dazed look I couldn't read.

"L?"

He sighed, as a drop of sweat rolled off of his nose. "I believe that you are the most beautiful sight on Earth." he confessed, which didn't help my inner battle any. "I try again and again to convince myself that this is not a dream, but I'm unsuccessful."

"Aren't I real enough? I certainly believe that you are actually here." My voice came out in a positive purr. What was happening to me?

"Yes, so I am. Physically in this room, nearer to you than I ever imagined." His voice was low. The fire in my heart refused to die down as heated breath fell onto my ear.

"But, you-you are becoming more real to me, G."

"Good." I whispered back.

He met my mouth again with renewed passion and my hands gripped his back.

"Mmmmm L…"

_"L?"_

"Yes, G?"

"L…good lord…"

_"L!"_

He cupped my face in his hands as he continued to kiss me with a needy fervor and I followed suit.

A few minutes later, not like either of us was aware or cared about the passage of time, the askew laptop by our heads started to flicker and I gasped with fright when I saw Wammy's face appear on the screen wearing a shocked expression. "L!" I squeaked as I froze staring at my adoptive father from underneath my boyfriend in quite a state of disarray.

"G, what on earth?" He was amused until he followed my gaze and his eyes bulged out of his head. " **Wa-Watari?!"**

Wammy cleared his throat as L scrambled off of me and I fixed my shirt mortified. "Hello children. L, you did not respond to my intercom calls so I just needed to check that you were not in any danger. Er…now that I have confirmed this, er…if the pair of you could report on the latest findings of this case in thirty minutes I would be much obliged."

Wide eyed I stared back at him while L found his voice. "Of-Of course Watari. Thirty minutes. We will do so."

This was a bleeding nightmare.

I swore I could see a twinkle in our founder's eye before he nodded and cut the transmission.

L closed the laptop then and coughed turning to face me. "So, er, what do you think he saw?"

I blushed even more and slapped his arm. "Far too much, that's what! My God! I can't believe this!"

"You are fretting needlessly, dearest. Watari is not going to think any different of you. He is a gentleman."

"Still!" I cried, the panic rising. "Still! He saw me sprawled across the desk with you on top of me and God, L, since when are you so bloody passionate anyway?"

He seemed to think this question was humorous. "Since you of course, G. Do you still not realize the effect you have on my common sense?"

"Apparently it's the same effect you have on mine." I noted, wincing.

He paused then, smirking.

"What is it? Is my hair mussed? Do I God forbid have a love mark on my neck? What?!"

"I must say I do enjoy your concept of play." He admitted trying to hold back a full smile.

I sighed and shot him a look. "Ah. Well this isn't what I had in mind."

"I liked it." The grin burst forth. "You're lovely when you're angry. I do not know if you are aware of that."

I could feel my frustration and embarrassment melting away like it had never existed. "Is that so? No wonder you always would fight with me throughout the years. Now, are there any other platitudes that you care to voice or are you finished?"

"Just one." L replied and came closer to fold me into his arms in the gentlest way possible. He lowered his lips to my ear as a hand began to stroke my hair. "You shall be with me always; my Grace and I will always wish to have fun with you."

I hated that a ridiculous grin spilled across my face then and I once again linked my arms around his neck. "All right, I suppose we do not need to go report straightaway, he did say thirty minutes. There's no harm really…"

> He smiled and brushed his lips against my skin. "As I said. Such a brilliant mind…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song – Candy – Paolo Nutini
> 
> New song – Sugar – Maroon 5
> 
> XD Naughty naughty. I hope you enjoyed it!


	53. Distraction

**Chapter 53. Distraction**

**December**

"Grace? Grace!" I was in the midst of a very busy wool shop bustling with early Christmas shoppers and cheery music in town with Anne who was now impatiently waving her hand in my face. She wasn't exasperated...at least not yet, but I wouldn't blame her if she had been. I hadn't proven to be the best companion for her Christmas shopping expedition for reasons of my own. The holiday season tended to take on a different tone when you are about to embark on the most important mission of your life. The church bells at city center chimed brighter, children's laughs were wilder and more carefree, and the smell of the brisk winter air was intoxicating. I was likely to miss all of it if the preparations for traveling to Japan panned out within the next few weeks. I had never been away from home at Christmas in my life. I supposed sacrificing treasured delights was part of what it meant to be truly grown-up.

"There," Anne sighed, regaining her smile as I blinked, and she came into focus. "You were miles away there. What do you think?"

I flushed and apologized. "Sorry Annie. It's a lovely scarf."

She nodded as she held up the shimmering grey knit up to the light. "I think it might be perfect for Nan. I can't believe she thinks I don't have to give her something for Christmas. I'm going to be her granddaughter in-law! She's got another think coming!"

"She also mustn't know how we make certain that every resident and person employed at Wammy's receives the perfect gift every year. She'll learn that soon enough." I smiled a little, remembering that I needed to be a better friend to Anne, who I'd be leaving soon and who still wasn't aware.

"Yeah, it's pretty much our job, isn't it?" she smirked placing the scarf carefully into her shopping basket. "No one else really likes the idea of spending every weekend present-hunting when they could be doing anything else, like sleeping or watching paint dry."

We ventured further into the wool shop, sidestepping warmly bundled elderly women crowding around the sales tables. "I thought I could rope in Jude. He'd be quite helpful in learning what others wished for, but he saw me coming and flatly refused." I remarked. Actually, he had rolled his eyes and said. "Shopping? Me? You've got to be bullocking mad." but that was neither here nor there.

Anne's eyes lit up. "Aww, he would have been PERFECT! Oh well." She glanced around the shop again and suddenly chuckled to herself.

"It's a bit of a daunting task, finding something for everyone, isn't it?" I sympathized. Some years I found the task exhilarating and others just plain exhausting. This year I was firmly in the second camp.

"Well, yeah, there are so many people we could find great stuff for in this shop, but you know what? Your boyfriend isn't one of them!" She spilled over into more giggles at the thought.

"No, I suppose socks, hats and jumpers aren't really in his repertoire." I replied, feigning levity. She didn't know, she couldn't have possibly known that even the mention of him was starting to cause me pain. L had become consumed by work; the case was all he would think about. As the weather grew colder and the body count rose, L had thrown himself into his research without a care for his well-being. He hadn't officially announced his involvement in the Kira case, which was why Japan was currently on hold, but he was diligent behind the scenes, never leaving his post in headquarters and collecting information from every avenue. He had been listless before, but now he resembled someone undead, never resting, never taking a moment to clear his head and leave that drafty prison where he had ensconced himself for days upon days, it positively broke my heart.

* * *

Every afternoon, I would check up but although he appeared at ease with my presence, he was still like a man possessed. I voiced my concerns to Wammy who tried his best to assure me that L's behavior was normal even when I knew it wasn't. Any suggestion of visiting a physician was dismissed and I was left with the need to take it upon myself to make sure he was at least  _eating_.

I had come down the stairs earlier that day before the shopping excursion with a tray of steaming hot tea and chocolate chip muffins piled on a plate. He had glanced at the fare for a second before taking in my weary face. "When are you going to get some rest, G?" he asked coolly as he reached for the closest bake good within range. "I do not care to be watched like a hawk."

I couldn't do anything but laugh mirthlessly. "Ha. I will if you will."

He gave me an overly patient smile that I had learned to despise over the years. "You know I cannot do that. My duties are of much more importance than sleep. However, this doesn't limit you from such activity."

I felt a bit brazen as I leaned against the desk, tucking growing-out fringe behind my ear. "Very well then, join me."

The muffin fell out of his hand as his face went ashen. "J-J-Join you?" he sputtered, finally seeming more human.

"To  _sleep,_  Louie! To sleep!" Good lord!

"Oh," the look of terror dissipated as he swallowed hard. "I er…have my own bed to serve such a purpose."

I sighed heavily. "Yes, which you are not _using_. Hence, the entire reason for this discussion."

He thought for a moment, then looked up with a feeble wry smirk. "Are you attempting to pick a fight with me, Grace? I must say you seem to have lost your touch in that regard."

"Well that would be a shame. I would have abandoned my favorite former pastime." I gave him a defeated smile. "Can't you at least take a break for an hour or two? It worries me to see you burning the candle at both ends like this. It's not healthy."

L rolled his eyes and picked up his discarded muffin "G, you must remember that I somehow managed to survive twenty-four years without your anxiety or worry. I assure you that you have no cause for concern."

I refused to concede. "Wammy agrees with me. We talk about this often. There is no sense working this way. Not unless you wish to spend the yuletide in hospital."

He produced a petulant frown. "I do not feel comfortable knowing that I am the frequent topic of your discussion. Would you appreciate it if I went to Anne every time you were in a mood? I know in that case she and I would have to be in constant communication anymore but nonetheless."

I shot him a dark look that could have burnt him to a crisp where he sat. "I'm choosing to ignore that remark, but truly L, you must get over this feeling that I am somehow encroaching on your privacy. It's not going to change, and you should have gotten used to others caring about you long ago."

He stood up from his chair then, thinking his height to be an advantage. "I am an adult, lest you forget. I am even older than you. I am fully allowed to make my own decisions!"

"Not when you act like a child who has been avoiding his bedtime since last Monday. Then you fall directly under my jurisdiction. The next step would be taking away your house privileges...such as in this case, your excessive stash of sweets until you did as asked." I stood on my tiptoes to give him a defiant stare, my hands firmly planted on my hips. "Do you really want me to resort to that?"

He read my purposeful expression and scoffed. "You should not even jest about such a thing."

"I'm not jesting. I just don't know what else to do. Reasoning with you doesn't seem to work and this behavior is becoming more and more of a problem. I'm sure this Kira isn't losing sleep while you ignore the most natural of needs trying to catch him!"

L's eyes widened, and his thumb slipped up to his lips. "Kira losing sleep? Do you suspect that he has relocated somewhere where it is presently evening? I have noticed that murders aren't usually announced for hours from now." His mind was whirring then as he considered every possibility, save for the repercussions of leaving the girlfriend before him completely brassed off.

"I...don't...care...about…Kira. I care about you. There is insomnia and then there is suicide. This has gone on long enough. Have you even looked at yourself? Then you'd understand why I'm so upset!"

He blinked twice. "No, Grace, I rarely pay attention to my physical appearance." Surprise, surprise.

"Well this time perhaps you should! Maybe it would wake you up."

He couldn't hide a foolish smile and it only grew as I glared a hole through him. "But I thought you wished for me to sleep?"

He wasn't amusing in the slightest.

It was then that Anne texted me from Peter's car ready to do the Christmas shopping and I sighed. "Fine, if you're not going to listen to me, I can't hold any weight with you after all. I must go."

Discouraged, I started to pass him when he reached for my arm. I looked up at him with questions in my eyes that I didn't voice. What excuse was he planning this time?

He lowered his gaze and sighed heavily. "This increased lack of sleep. It's not from any desire to be pig-headedly stubborn or to worry you. It's...er...it's necessary."

"What?" I asked as his hand slid down my arm to entwine in my own. My stomach started to flutter as my heart filled once more defying every reason it shouldn't in this circumstance.

L gave me a plaintive look. "Allow me to explain. I used to be able to hold thoughts of you at bay when I worked. It was easy to do so when I never had to expect you to come seek me out. In fact, you avoided me like the plague, so it was a successful exercise. But now, you are so near, and I keep recalling your scent, or the way your fingers get tangled in my hair when we are affectionate, and I cannot function as well as I could before. I'm struggling where before it was simple. I have determined this is why I had such trouble figuring out that Kira originated in Japan. I've become highly distracted and I can't for the life of me determine what to do about it."

I was hurt, I couldn't help it. I was the reason he wasn't sleeping? Because I was hindering his work? It made me feel horrid. I stepped away from him trying my best to stay composed. "I understand, but-but you will need to remedy this as the case proceeds."  _After all_ , I thought,  _how are we supposed to work together if the mere thought of me is causing difficulty on your comprehension?_

"I am aware. But how do you manage to work with both your head and your heart, G? I need to learn the secret."

I needed to get to Anne and the impossibly long Christmas shopping list, but I still paused to rest a hand on his cheek. "Don't think for a moment that it is easy to do." I murmured taking in his sad gaze. "But it is worth it in the end."

"G..."

The laptop screen illuminated again with Wammy's image and I jumped away embarrassed and feeling a flush of guilt. "We don't need another incident like last time..." I hissed as I scrambled far away out of the view of the laptop against the other wall." I was never so mortified in my life."

" _Ah, is Grace down there with you, L?"_ Wammy's voice was cheerful as I cringed. " _My dear, I have seen far far worse in my time, let me assure you."_

L smiled hugely at me as I flushed scarlet. "Lord, on that note, I will be off."

" _So soon?"_

"Er, just a moment, Watari, then I will come report." L told him quietly and closed the laptop. He slowly crossed the room then and took me in his arms to murmur in my ear. "I do hope you aren't planning to purchase me a Christmas present, dearest."

Despite learning far too much about my adoptive father, I softened. "And what if I am?"

"You know I might not be able to open it in a timely manner." A soft kiss fell onto my cheek and I knew I was starting to smile like a besotted fool. Damn him. "Much like my birthday gift."

"Oh, well don't worry about that. You'll open it when you open it." I managed a confident smile. "Sooner than you think."

* * *

"Gracie? Hey there!"

Anne was calling me back to reality again as I stood outside of the wool shop half an hour later staring blankly across the street remembering our last exchange. I turned to her, thoughtful. "Annie, do you find me to be distracting?"

My sister paused with a curious smile. "No, but I do find you  _distracted_...especially today."

I blushed. "I know. I apologize. I don't mean to be. It's just L..."

I never could doubt the swiftness of Anne's mind. "He said you distracted him? Aw, that's not your fault. Blame his inability to handle dishy girls!"

I found a smile forming. "That's not it. I think he's having a problem reining in his emotions now that he's put them on display. You know he never gave away a trace of feeling before. He doesn't know how to juggle his work and our relationship. I knew it was going to be difficult, I would have been a complete fool if I hadn't seen that coming but now he's losing sleep because of it. I feel rather selfish."

Anne sighed and put her arm through mine. "Rubbish. You can't help that. Love's a sacrifice after all. It's something we all want, but it does cause trouble sometimes."

I gave her an incredulous look as we made our way down the cobbled street to Peter's awaiting car. "And since when has Liam and your fairy-tale romance ever caused problems?"

"Oh oh, it has." She giggled then. "Especially how he can't get it out of his head that he should start working with L and wants  _me_ to convince him."

I stopped in my tracks, floored. "Working with L? What could he possibly mean by that?"

"Well, you know how sometimes priceless art gets stolen from museums? Lee's presently got it in his head that since he is an art professor that he could be L's go-to guy about that kind of thing. You know, tell him the history of the stolen painting or something. He thinks they'd make a great team."

It felt good to laugh and I did just that in the middle of The Square, not caring who heard me. "Aw, haha, bless him. He's simply precious! Have you told him that L has nothing to do with those type of cases?" Liam and L: treasure hunters. It was too amusing.

"No," Anne's eye had a devious twinkle. "I told him who usually takes  _those_  cases..."

I froze. Oh no. The last thing I needed was Liam's "in awe" gaze focused on me. "You didn't!"

"What? You didn't want him to know so you could be his hero too?" Anne blinked innocently but folded when she caught my terrified look. "All right, all right, I'm kidding. I didn't say anything! Honest! I just hope he gets this idea out of his head. I mean I'm happy he likes L for who he is, but he can't  _be_ him!"

I relaxed a bit and continued with her to the car. "Oh no, he's one of a kind all right. Rather a lot like certain best friends who like to absolutely scare each other to death..."

"Okay! Okay! Sorry! Sorry!" Anne laughed. "I'll keep Liam's ideas on how to catch Kira to myself then."

"How to catch Ki-? Oh yes, you'd better." I groaned as Peter helped us load the boot up with the bags of purchases. "I don't think I could take any more brilliant ideas from your fiancé this afternoon."

"Duly noted." Anne nodded with a grin as we climbed into the back seat. "But he has  _tons_  just so you know."

"I don't doubt that." I rested my head against the back of the seat, feeling extra tired. "Only Liam would want to be L."

"And you, remember." Anne teased as Peter turned the key in the ignition and a Christmas song burst forth from the speakers, almost taunting me with its hopeful tone.

 _"HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS,_  
LET YOUR HEART BE LIGHT  
FROM NOW ON,  
OUR TROUBLES WILL BE OUT OF SIGHT…"

As Anne jumped in her seat unprepared, I simply sighed and closed my eyes. "I wish that was the case."

* * *

Once back home, I set my shopping bags on the floor of my quarters and slipped out of my coat, still smirking over Anne's admission of Liam's secret aspirations, when suddenly my door flung open, crashed against the wall, and L stormed in with a livid glare barely giving me a moment to react. "Cassandra Grace," He intoned, his apparent fury barely concealed. "This had better be a cruel joke."

I jumped and stared at him in shock. Long past were the days when he'd be afraid to even cross the threshold of my quarters for fear of being improper. "Good lord! What's the matter?" I demanded, playing the fool as he approached me, the unmitigated anger in his eyes absolutely terrifying.

L showed no hesitation in telling me. "I have just been to meet with Watari about the latest developments in the Kira case as is customary, and he informed me of something I was quite unaware of." His voice was dangerously soft. "The main reason being that it was one of the most stupid and reckless things I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. Would you care to make a guess what this was?"

I continued my startled look into his eyes, refusing to speak. I knew the slightest word from me then could be problematic.

" _Someone,"_ he bit into the word savagely, "told him that she plans to accompany us on this case. That she will hear no argument on the matter. Well,  _ **I**_  have an argument, and you are damned well going to hear it, Grace Deacon, or so help me God I won't be held responsible for my actions. If you believe for a  _second_ , that I'm going to allow you to come with us to Japan, you must be insane. The idea is absurd! I absolutely forbid it!"

Anger rose inside of me as well. Here he was again being frustratingly superior. I  _knew_ he was going to react this way when he found out. I had hoped it would be different, but I knew now that had been a futile wish. "You forbid it? Well, this time it isn't up to you. Wammy agrees with me completely. Two heads are bloody well better than one! And the way this investigation is going, you will need all of the help you can possibly get!"

"I have already said that Watari will be with me. I will not be alone. That point is moot."

"Wammy is going to be SEVENTY! You depend on him far too much. How can he be of any assistance to you?"

L wasn't swayed. "He has proven his value many a time. I cannot in good conscience permit this. The danger is incalculable. Yes, you have helped me in the past, yes you are brilliant, but you had to know how I would feel about this. You couldn't have ignored everything I've said to you about wishing to keep you protected!" He certainly wasn't reining in his emotions  _now._

"What about what  _I_ wish for? Doesn't that matter? Is it wrong for me to want you to come home safely? Is that a bleeding  _crime?"_

"As I see it, it's an immature desire that is not from any true rational thought. However, all of my choices have been."

I stalked away from him to shove my coat into the wardrobe. "Oh, spare me the noble act. How in God's name are you supposed to have a successor if you can't even lower your pride the slightest bit and allow one to help you?"

The frustration in his eyes was evident as he huffed. "I have told you before I do not wish for you to be my successor. In fact, I came to the conclusion that you agreed with me at last.  _Now_  you change your mind?"

I slammed shut the wardrobe door and turned to face him, trying to steady my shaking. "No, you once asked me if I was prepared to die as L, and I said I wasn't sure, but you didn't ask me if I would die  _for_  L and I absolutely would. I would die for justice and you better well know that I would die for you. If any help I can provide will keep you safe, I will do it!"

I didn't like the look his face then. His expression was still incensed but he appeared broken, fragile. "I don't know what to say." He finally admitted. "I thought you got it into your head to accompany us because of the case, not because of me."

"Well you were wrong." My voice started to crack, and I turned away before I broke down completely. A show of weakness wouldn't do here, when I had to show how capable I could be.

He was silent for a few minutes, then gave a heavy labored sigh. "Perhaps we both were, about everything. I never realized I would cause you to be so reckless with your own life. Don't try to save me, Grace. Put a little thought into saving yourself! "

He stayed a moment more, before striding to the door and slamming it shut behind him.

He was gone now. The heartache I felt had no equal. All I had wanted was to be helpful, to watch over him and Wammy and lend my expertise to achieve this. I wasn't dumb, I wasn't reckless. I was terrified, terrified of this Kira causing everything in my life to fall apart. I had to feel some semblance of control, which is why I had asked Wammy to permit me to join them at all.

Fat lot of good that had done. I didn't even know if he would talk to me again before he left. Maybe I was stupid after all.

Tiredly, I fell down on the bed as the tears came stronger. I couldn't move. Love was a sacrifice, I knew that, and Anne had reminded me of that, but I never had expected such anguish. I turned out the light and pulled the comforter on top of me as I continued to feel dreadful about everything and doubted that I'd sleep. It didn't matter that it was only half eight at night, I couldn't face anyone now.

I heard the door knob turn an hour later and a sliver of light fell across the room before it was snuffed out by the careful closing of the door.

 _It was probably a child_ , I deemed as I buried further in the tear-stained covers.  _Wanting my comfort when I was unable to give it._

Nonetheless, I waited as the person shuffled to the bed and added their weight to the mattress, surprising me and ruling out a great deal of possibilities. Then, long arms snaked around me and a repentant voice murmured in my ear "We will discuss this more tomorrow. For now, I suppose one night of sleep won't do much harm. For you, I will try."

There was only one option left.

I turned around to see L's head settling into the pillow, his body above the covers, his eyes  _finally_  closing. My heart felt so much lighter as I didn't speak and returned the embrace, fitting my head under his chin. His hold on me tightened and I let out a low sigh. Some wars would be better handled in the morning. For now, I would settle for winning the battle.

"I love you for trying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Set Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol
> 
> New song – The Chain – Fleetwood Mac


	54. Sacrifice

_**Chapter 54. Sacrifice** _

_L Pov_

_I was not a normal person. Admittedly, I was human, but normal was far from a valid descriptor. I was capable of friendship, and certainly of love, but never could I be considered commonplace even if these were normal tendencies. The truth was, at times I wish I had been. It would be wonderful sometimes not to be so bloody important._

_Unfortunately, my childhood and teens consisted of people whispering to each other how "weird" I was and cruel passerby on the street spitting the word "freak." in my direction so I became accustomed to these terms, knowing there was little I could do to expand their minuscule minds._

_However, she didn't see me in that light. When my hair still tingled hours after her fingers had run through it or when my lips still felt the sweet warmth of hers, I knew that I was better than that. If someone so lovely and good and honest could love me no others' opinion could matter._

_I would so dreadfully hate to leave her, but I truly had no choice._

_The room was dark, and a slight draft was coming in feebly from the windows. I had been lying there for three hours wide awake as Grace rested contentedly in my arms, the picture of comfort. She was sleeping soundly for once, and for that I was thankful. I had once witnessed her in the throes of a nightmare and it truly had been a terrifying experience. I had been powerless to help her then and had been haunted by the memory ever since. It did my heart good to see her at ease._

_She stirred in her own welcome slumber and burrowed deeper into my neck, light warm breaths rhythmically falling on my skin. I sighed frustrated. I had tried to indulge her but sleep simply wasn't an option. The moment itself could have been considered perfect bliss and a dream realized after almost a decade in the making, the girl I loved safe in my embrace, but all I could feel was pain. Why did she believe in me so? Why would she want to commit herself to someone who lived such a high-risk existence? Why in hell did she think coming with me to Japan made sense? And truly how long could I lie here waiting for dawn with all of these questions torturing my mind?_

_"Grace?" I whispered, wondering how deeply under she was. I called to her a few more times with no response. She was so lovely sleeping there, a few auburn curls delicately falling across her face as she breathed deep and even. She deserved so much more than this, which was the most heavy, agonizing truth I realized. She needed someone who could put her first. That was becoming increasingly difficult for me to do with the current case._

_And now with this talk of coming along to assist with Kira? I was still so angry with her for even considering it. The thought of the onslaught of impassioned pleas and rows that inevitably would follow over the course of the next few days started to fill me with a sense of naked dread. I wouldn't want to depart knowing she hated me as days of old. I'd rather make my own choices and leave now while there was no bitterness between us. It made perfect sense._

_However, acting on this decision had left me seemingly paralyzed for hours as I had alternately taken in her quiet beauty and committed the scent of her skin to memory very aware it would be the last time I would lay eyes on her before leaving for Tokyo and possibly ever again. This time, I didn't want to face the idea of leaving to go fight the unknown but knowing that she was safely ensconced in our childhood home on the other side of the world as I was doing it made it much easier to bear._

_Finally, ever so slowly and silent, I slipped my arm out from under her sleeping form and inched away from her on the bed. She didn't appear to sense my desertion, but I carefully pulled the comforter up closer to her chin to equalize the decrease in body heat in the event of this changing. She seemed so small, huddled in the expansive bed by herself and I questioned my reasoning for leaving her now, but the voices wouldn't be silenced. People were dying now left and right while I ignored them to be with Grace. How was that the proper or just thing to do? She would understand in time._

" _Please forgive me." I confessed softly to the dark room. "I think only of you."_

_As noiseless as I could manage, I crept across the bedroom to the door and made it outside into the corridor without incident. I breathed a heavy sigh, and then continued on._

_Sleep was for the dead, I decided. Despite all of Grace's accusations that I was tired, it was simply impossible. Even resting in a reclining position had done nothing to prove her right. Was I exhausted from the search for Kira? Certainly, but not enough to quit. Preparations for leaving Wammy's House had been taken care of weeks ago, so I didn't worry about packing. But as I made my way to the closet in the great room downstairs where the suitcases were being kept, I felt more and more that my sudden departure without a word was too cruel. I reached in my pocket for my mobile, but then shook my head, deeming a text message hardly appropriate either._

_I reached the great room and was blinded momentarily by the immense Christmas tree still illuminated with twinkling lights and ornaments all hand fashioned by the children in the corner. Someone had left it on. I did not care much about missing Christmas, as it never had held much significance to me in my lonely sorry state, but this year it would have been special having someone to share it with. G loved Christmas because it was the day of the year when all of the others were the happiest. She was far too good to have to deal with someone like me who would hide out all yuletide season away from the revelry like a modern-day Scrooge but this year would have been different. I wished that I could explain that in some action or word, but nothing seemed right._

_I found myself gravitating towards the massive desk by the fireplace as I had been the times before when a letter had been in order. Unlike those, this one would not end up in Watari's safe. I needed her to know as soon as possible my reasons for departure and my deep, impossible love for her. Unfortunately, I was never a poet or expressive in that regard, but I would at least try._

_I settled down in the hard-backed chair and pulled a piece of ivory stationary toward me with_ _**Wammy's House** _ _printed in the top right corner, along with its motto_   
_"_ _**domum enim optimum et clarissimum** _ _"-"_ _**Home for the Best and Brightest** _ _." It was certainly true in every respect. Over the last few months it had become a place harder to leave. The skills and talents of each resident had never been that apparent to me and none of them had ever seemed more real. While before, I would be thankful to get away from their chatter or petty rows, I now tended to miss the constant noise and bustle when I was holed up in a hotel room alone. It was a very different outlook than what I was used to._

_I closed my eyes, forming the entirety of my letter in my mind, taking care to tread lightly regarding my true decision of leaving so soon and how she factored so much into it._

_Then, with a heavy sigh, I began to write._

* * *

_"L,_ above ground _? Can I be dreaming?"_

_A teasing voice broke into the silence some time later and I jolted in my seat. I slowly turned around to see Anne staring curiously at me, a mug of some steaming drink in her hand. I must have appeared stranger than usual surrounded by paper at the desk and my expression admittedly downcast._

_I cleared my throat and tried to conceal my letter as she approached. "Oh, you're up rather late, Anne." I deflected. "Is there anything I can help you with?"_

_She forced a smile and settled down into the chair beside me. "I don't think so. Although I can at least commiserate with you on the insomnia bit tonight."_

" _That you can. Er...why is it that you can't sleep?"_

_She didn't seem prepared to tell me, but finally sighed. "Oh, it's just Liam. He has been talking a great deal about us getting a flat together in the next couple of months. In London. I mean, I don't blame him, we hardly get to see each other not living in the same city and, it would be wonderful to wake up to him every day, to have our own little life, you know? But I can't even think about telling anyone, especially Gracie. I don't know how she would react. I don't think I could leave her now anyway. It wouldn't be right."_

_Were the fates trying to make me feel bloody worse? I tightened the grip of my pen in my hand and exhaled. "She would want you to be happy above anything else. I know that. You shouldn't be afraid to tell her when the time comes."_

_Her eyes narrowed, not believing me for a second. I still found it difficult knowing how plainly she could see through me "Yes, L, that is what she would say, and I know a part of her would believe it, but I don't think that's how she would feel."_

" _Er…how would she feel, then?"_

" _Oh, I think she'd feel abandoned by everyone who loves her, that's all! I'd give anything for you two to have what Lee and I can, but I know it's not that easy. I wish it was." She took a large sip of her tea and sighed._

" _You are referring to a normal, peaceful existence, I suppose." I supplied, the pain throbbing more. Of course, Grace deserved that._

" _Yeah, that. But she doesn't expect that with you. She wants to be by your side through everything, L. I hope you know that."_

" _All too well."_

" _Jude told me you had a row with her tonight." Her tone wasn't accusatory, just factual. "He said you flew off the handle and told her that you're going after Kira alone. He said he'd never read you so furious, not even around Caleb."_

" _I really must block my thoughts better when he's around." I gritted my teeth. "It is none of his concern what I do."_

" _That may be so, but it doesn't stop him." she smiled a little, her fondness for my protégé evident._

" _I am painfully aware of that."_

" _Have you at least made amends?"_

" _Somewhat." I coughed, a bit uncomfortable with divulging intimate moments. "I apologized after some sulking and promised to hold her while she slept."_

_Anne raised an eyebrow. Why had I expected that to be a legitimate answer? "It's half one. Isn't she still sleeping?"_

" _Well, I er, had to take care of something so I removed myself for a time."_

_Even adverting my gaze to concentrate on the wood grain of the desk didn't stop me from sensing her reproachful look. "Ugh, this is just what I mean. Leaving her like that. What are you going to do if she wakes up? You promised to stay."_

" _I don't know. It was doing no good laying there. I can't sleep, I tried, believe me, I tried, but it was useless."_

_She thumped her mug down on the desk beside me obviously frustrated with my romantic ineptitude. "Don't you ever think about what she needs? L, look, I know this relationship thing is new to you, but you can't just think of yourself anymore. I mean, I know you felt it a pointless exercise because you couldn't sleep but what about just being with her there to make her happy?"_

" _You mean a sacrifice."_

" _Well, yes. Pretty much."_

" _Something along those lines is nowhere near a sacrifice, Anne." I couldn't help but harden my tone. "Putting some one's life before my own is one. I do that already."_

_This subdued her for a bit and I sat tensed, waiting for her to finally leave me alone with my duty._

_"So, what are you writing that's so important it couldn't wait till morning?"_

_No luck of that. "Nothing of consequence..."_

_She scoffed. "I doubt that. Can I see?"_

" _I'd rather you not." I answered sharply, pushing my letter further under the book but she was too quick and snatched it out of my grasp, starting to read it aloud._

_"_ _**My darling Grace, by the time you read this, I will be gone. I cannot abide the thought of you putting yourself in danger, so I felt it best to take my leave** _ _-L, oh my God you can't do this!"_

_Annoyed, I took the letter back. "You wouldn't understand."_

" _The hell I wouldn't! You were just going to go without saying goodbye and leave us here to pick up the freaken pieces? How old are you?" Her voice was reaching a worrying volume and her eyes were wide with shock. I realized then that I didn't enjoy her disapproval of me._

" _I am old enough to know what I am doing is right. There is no need for any discussion of Grace accompanying Watari and I. This eliminates that need."_

_Anne shook her head vehemently, ignoring my defense. "You never do this. You never have. Even when you two were at each other's throats you would still take a minute to tell her that you were off, maybe saying something snide like "thank goodness". If you go like this, it will break her heart!"_

" _She will forgive me in time. You cannot agree with her crackpot scheme to come to Japan with Watari and me, can you?"_

" _Of course, I don't, but that has nothing to do with this." She smacked the paper in her hand. "This is about trust. How will she ever trust you again?"_

_"I don't need her to trust me," My voice was gruff as I thought of my well-considered words. "I need her to be protected. I don't care what damage this causes to us. Her safety matters more than anything else."_

_"How noble of you." Anne scowled. "Can you tell me really what has changed since the pair of you got together on your end? Because it seems to me like you're acting the exact same. Not giving Gracie a choice in anything. She's the one constantly giving when all you do is take."_

_"That is not fair."_

_"Life isn't fair. Something you have told everyone here for years. You're not going to do this, L. I won't let you. I'll go up those stairs right now and let her know what a coward you are trying to be!" She heightened her threat in a high hiss and I knew not to doubt her ability to do just that._

_"Can you offer me an alternative, then?" I stood up, indignant. "I have considered every angle for hours and found this the best choice. What would you suggest instead?"_

_Her expression changed to one embodying her unswerving nature. "I want you to stay. For as long as you possibly can. That's what I suggest."_

_I met her look with understanding, my heart aching more than before. "Because I won't return, you mean."_

_Anne visibly flinched and tried to speak. "No, that's not what I meant at all…I meant that you love Grace and should want to spend as much time with her as you can. Like any new besotted boyfriend would act."_

_I felt a knot gathering in my throat and coughed. "I have responsibilities that the average boyfriend does not. Kira will not stop his misguided judging of criminals because I want to be with Grace more than I am physically able. This case will wait for no one."_

_Anne grew quiet and sat back down, biting her lip. "Do you_ _**have** _ _to take this case, L?"_

_"I must." I whispered back, steeling my resolve even though her gentle inquiry was making it difficult to not lower my defenses._

_"Why don't you think that you'll come back?"_

_"I never entirely believe I'll return." I answered honestly. "But with this case, the only way to defeat Kira is to get close to him…or her. It may even mean revealing myself to the person. How can one survive that?"_

_She placed a consoling hand on my arm, causing me to seat myself again. "You have to try. For Grace."_

_Her name spoken again caused the pain to grow even more and my guards to finally fall. "Anne, what right do I have to hold a claim on her when I won't return? How can I ask her to marry me when the stakes are so high?"_

_She sighed, her voice rich with patience. "Because…if you show her you are thinking of the future, she will begin to hope, and so will you."_

_I looked up then to notice her eyes were filled with tears. "I-I don't want this." She shook her head as her voice wavered. "I have been so happy for you both. This is all I have ever hoped for. And for this stupid Kira to ruin our lives, and for you to be so prepared to sacrifice yourself…" she trailed off into sobs as her entire form shook. Though surprised, I placed an arm around her shoulders as she continued to weep. I couldn't fathom how quickly she had transformed from pure anger to wrenching sadness. Her heart was so large and so devoted to us all, I realized I hadn't been the only one putting on a brave face all of this time._

_"This is what was always expected of me, Anne. I would do anything to keep the ones I care for safe."_

_"Well what about what_ _**we** _ _want?" she sniffled from my shoulder. "None of us want to see you go."_

_"That is very different then times of old." I mentioned with a note of humor, but Anne pulled away, her expression pained._

_"It was never this dangerous before. I always knew you'd come back. Everyone did. Do you know what I had to hear today before going out with Grace? I had to listen to Roger and Wammy and Mrs. Coppersmith about my duty to the children in case one of you doesn't return. They're preparing me for that! They won't tell Grace about this, but they don't have to. She knows what risks there are. I-I couldn't be her, as much as I wish I could take her place and save her from this anguish." My childhood friend sniffled. "To worry about you, to be afraid she'll never see your face again…"_

_"I am selfish wanting her to be with me, I know."_

_"It wouldn't matter, L. She has been yours before she even realized it. You know G. She would never adopt the safe path if the other path lead to you."_

_I cleared my throat, blinking hard. "That is profoundly accurate."_

_Anne stood up then, wiping her eyes on the arm of her dressing gown. "You can't go like this. This is your home, we are your family. All of us have a right to say goodbye. We've earned it."_

_Every word she spoke was true. "I do hope you know what you are asking. It would be so much simpler if I left this evening instead of stretching out taking my leave."_

_She gave me a half smile as she rustled my hair and crossed the room to the doorway. "Go back to Grace, L. I'm off to burn this letter and don't try to stop me."_

_"I won't."_

_"Good. Good night."_

_I watched her go and sat there in the shadow of the bright Christmas tree deep in thought, my perspective greatly changed. Grace was mine, that was the most perfect unbelievable gift, but what I still wanted more than anything had eluded me mostly due to my own fears and preoccupations. I aimed to remedy this once and for all. Life was too short to not live._

* * *

_Back in her bedroom, Grace had turned on her side and was now facing the windows, still in a semblance of rest. I slipped back under the covers and went to place an arm around her when her voice demanded "Where were you? I thought you promised to stay here."_

_Blast._

_"There-there was something I had to take care of." I muttered apologetically and willed her to turn back and face me. "I am sorry."_

_"Isn't there always."_

_Her tone was cool and full of pain. It instantly made me feel horrid about even being a moment away from her as she pulled the covers tighter around her body._

_"G..."_

_"I-I know that I can never be the most important thing in your life, L... but I thought you could indulge me this once." her voice was quavering, and it broke my heart._

_I reached over to turn on the lamp on the nightstand and she instinctively turned toward the light, showing me her face streaked with tears. "What did you do that for?!" She wiped her face hurriedly, fire in her eyes at being found out._

_"Dearest..." I sighed as she colored and tried to turn away once more. "You are under a very wrong impression. You will always be the absolute most important thing in my life, everything I do is done with you in mind. I have something I need to know now, and I can't keep silent any longer. Grace-"_

_She sat up quickly and fixed me with an accusing look. "I had another dream...you were killed again, L. I woke up and you weren't here. Do you know what that must feel like?"_

_Damn, not another one. "It was a nightmare, Grace. Nothing true about it."_

_"How did I know that then?"_

_"You do now, don't you?"_

_"I don't know what I know. But I know that I don't care for when you don't honor your promises." She turned away again with a wrench of the covers out of my grasp and sat there in angry, seething silence._

_I sighed, returning to my purpose. "I did promise to always love you. I will never dishonor that.'_

_"Pleased to bloody hear it. You show it so well sometimes it's like you never told me at all."_

_I groaned, increasingly frustrated. "Now, you listen to me, Grace Deacon. This is not needed. I have been trying to, quite unsuccessfully I might add, ask you a very important question and you choose to be stroppy with me about a bloody nightmare. Can I please at least say what I need to?"_

_Her incensed look softened and she thought a moment before responding. "All right then, speak if you must."_

_"Thank you." I climbed out of the bed and walked around it to her side, my heart racing with each step. "First of all, I don't ever want to hear that you don't have my heart again…." I roughly tugged the hem of my shirt up over my head and faced her, baring the very essence of my soul. Because that is simply not true."_

_Grace gasped as her hands flew up to her mouth. Her eyes widened as she couldn't tear them from the view of her letter branded into my skin. "Whe-when did you do this?" she sputtered, as her eyes filled with tears that she kept in check this time._

_I glanced down at it, rising and falling with each breath and sighed. "It's the result of impulsive behavior whilst Watari and I were in Amsterdam three years ago."_

_"Oh my God..."she let the tears finally fall. "I thought you hated me..."  
_

_"I didn't. I loved you then, I knew I'd never be with you, that someone else would forever fill my place, but I wanted this proof that I would always carry you with me. Wherever I went, you would always be there. It helped the pain of being apart from you."_

_She joined me then, still shaking her head as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I still cannot wrap my head around the amount of time you held your feelings back. The fact that you did_ _**this…** _ _when I thought you were the biggest nuisance in the world…good Lord, can you ever forgive me?"_

_I took her hands in mine and gave her a soft smile. "What was there to forgive? This was for me only, not to guilt you into being with me. I didn't think you'd ever even see it. I wanted you to tonight, G. I want you to know how I would do anything for you. How I always will as best as I am able."_

_I could never forget the look that crossed her dear, beautiful face then as I lowered my body down to my knees. "About that question I wanted to ask you."_

_She gasped again and blushed furiously. "God, L, I-I look a mess. I can't believe-"_

_"Nonsense." I dismissed her concerns and reached into my pocket, the exhilaration of the moment propelling me forward. "Now Grace, my sweet, dearest Grace, you are all I've ever wanted. My first proposal fell rather flat, so I thought I might try again."_

_"Rather flat?" she whispered fondly, smiling shakily through her tears. "I was flabbergasted, and I didn't even believe you!"_

_"True, it was a bit unexpected, but nonetheless. I love you with every single part of me, even with the areas of my brain that science hasn't even comprehended yet. I think you are as close to perfection as mankind will ever be and I am thankful every day that both of us were brought to this home." Nerves started to take over as she stared at me in disbelief. ""Now that I've said what I planned to, I will speak from my heart, completely with abandon. I had no idea what I had been missing until I realized how hard, how inescapably deep I had fallen for you. You must never doubt the depth of my feeling, even when we must be apart, I ache until I can return to you, I always will."_

_I presented the ring then, sparkling more than it ever had in the darkness of the rooms I had inhabited since its purchase. It appeared Grace's legs couldn't support her as she flopped down onto the bed, her eyes transfixed on mine. "Oh L…"_

_"Which brings me to the obvious question. Cassandra Grace, will you marry me? Er...please?"_

_I could only stare at her, my breath caught in my throat as I waited for an answer. Some answer, any answer other than silence. She couldn't do anything but return my gaze, her mouth a perfect O._

_"YOU BLOODY CREEP! I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!"_

_We both jumped out of our skin hearing Mello's harsh voice in the hallway, then a prolonged groan and the sound of him stomping away grumbling to his self. Gods, Mello's sleepwalking tendencies had to return_ now?

_"Once again, Mello interrupts a romantic moment." I commented, a bit uneasily as she still sat there quiet._

_Finally, it seemed like slow motion as Grace came forward and knelt down to face me, solemnly resting her hands on each side of my face and taking in a breath._

_I still waited expectantly for her to speak._

_She rested her forehead against mine, her eyes two pools of violet blue. "Nothing, nothing could make me happier. Yes, L, I'll marry you, and you better believe I'll try my damndest to make you the happiest you've ever been."_

_I grinned back at her, nothing else mattering in that moment. "That is what I am supposed to say. I love you, Gracie. I had to let you know how much."_

_She fell into my arms then, laughing as I snatched a deep, joyful kiss. "Lord, Mrs. Coppersmith will be making her rounds now that Mello had to lose the plot about something."_

_I pulled apart from her, completely dumbfounded. "You bring up that damned woman in a moment like this?"_

_She giggled and shook her head, watching as I slipped the ring on her finger. It was a little loose but still appeared like it had always been there, the purple jewels a perfect complement to her skin. "I'm sorry…I suppose I worried that she'd try barging in here and finding us this way…my mind is completely a blur right now, L. I woke up so furious with you and now here you are, asking me to marry you. I knew you had the ring, but I don't know…I didn't expect you to use it."_

_"Did you believe that I buy women's jewelry for my own adornment?" I teased her, pulling her close once more._

_She gave me an impish look back. "Well until tonight I didn't know you were a tattoo aficionado so who knows?"_

_"I will give you that." I kissed the top of her head and left her to cross the room to the door. "And as for worrying about the dragon storming in here, sticking her nose in other people's affairs, that is easily remedied." I locked the door and gazed at her slowly standing up by the bed, wearing my ring, wholly and completely_ _**mine.** _ _How could I have missed this by stealing off into the night? It was worth it just for the look of love and happiness in her eyes._

_"Very true." She agreed, reaching me a bit shyly. She carefully placed her hand over my heart, the touch of her warm skin on mine exciting my pulse. "Will you stay here for the rest of the night? You won't run off again?"_

_I enfolded her into my arms and dipped my head down for the first of many more kisses. "Oh Grace, I would never leave your side right now. I am yours."_

_She smiled more and showed me the ring on her hand. "And I am yours, in every way…"_

_I could barely breathe. "So, you are."_

_"L..." she murmured as my lips found the soft skin of her neck. "What would Mrs. Coppersmith think?"_

_"Blast it Grace..."_

_"Kidding! Kidding!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Chapter Songs - The Cave - Mumford and the Sons and Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol
> 
> New song – Straight to You – Josh Groban


	55. First

_AN: As a caution to younger readers, this chapter has mature content. It took me longer than forever, but here is the chapter everyone asked for. Please let me know what you thought! One chapter left!_

Chapter 55– First

Grace POV

Another hungry kiss continued by my bedroom door, now secured and locked from anyone disrupting the moment. I had changed. I wasn't feeling the same nerves as I had before. I had realized through what the evening had wrought, a horrible row, a shared moment of forgiveness, the revelation of a long-held secret, a tender proposal, that life was too short to keep waiting, to keep being afraid because of what we did not understand but knew we both desperately wanted. We had played such games for months as we had fallen in love, but who truly knew how much time we would ever still have?

I never could get accustomed to how his slightest touch could send electricity through me, how the taste of him could set me afire. I craved more of him every day. I loved him deeper and had hated the nights apart more as time passed. I refused to balk now, this was what I wanted. This serious, spellbinding, brilliant man was all I had ever longed for.

Realizing that, I intensified the kiss, tangling my fingers in his thick hair and pressing him into the door as the heightened scent of his bare skin lingered. He made a noise of surprise at my initiative but sighed happily as he returned my affection with eagerness.

"L..." I murmured, leaving tender pecks by his ear. "Don't leave me again tonight. I want you to stay, stay until morning …here with me…"

His breathing hitched.

"I-I always wish to stay, Grace…and I will. I promised you that…"

I felt braver as I ran my fingertips across his chest, tracing the letter G as I did so. "There's many times that I wished to stay with you. I wanted you to hold me, I wanted to feel your heartbeat against mine and know that since I was with you, you were safe. And so was I…"

He sighed deeply, his eyes very bright as he cupped my face in his hands.

"I cannot tell you how many times I debated the benefits of coming to this room and telling you how I felt. That being so close to you and you not knowing the truth was agony. And tonight, I knew you would welcome me and all I wanted was to take you into my arms. To make it right. You needed to know that even if I was angry and hurt, I would rather be here than anywhere else. I needed to be with you."

"I loved that you did…" I carefully placed a light kiss directly above my letter and felt him shiver. "I needed to be with you too."

I claimed another kiss as I ran my hands down his arms, feeling every wiry muscle as I did so. His unassuming strength was demonstrated as he grasped my waist then and with one quick change of position, now held me captive against the door. L broke the contact and met my wide eyes with nervous ones of his own.

"G, before w-we er continue…I must admit to you…" He began with a sense of unease. "It's only right to tell you. I almost left tonight. I was prepared to do so, I was so afraid what would become of us if I stayed. That this Kira business would tear us apart."

I sighed. Of course, he had. All of the signs had been there. "I suspected as much. I am thankful you didn't run. That you came back to me."

L's tension lessened as he rested his forehead against mine and rested his hands against the door on both sides of me. "I am as well. No wonder you were so upset with me when I returned just now. I didn't think it could be simply another nightmare…"

"It was both. I think I finally saw how it felt when I would rather escape from our issues than face them head on. And how it would be for you to be the one left behind." I looked into his troubled eyes. "It's not a pleasant feeling to be sure."

The sadness dissipated as he smiled tenderly at me. "No, it's rather horrible, dearest. Let's avoid that in the future."

I chuckled and rested my head against his chest as I heard the steady beat of his heart. "I'm all right with that if you are."

"Oh absolutely." He encircled me again and began stroking my hair. Almost without thinking, he loosened my ribbon and my unruly locks tumbled down around my shoulders. I lowered my gaze as he carefully tucked a curl behind my ear. It was such a simple act, but it seemed so intimate, so private, I felt rather shy.

"I watched young Ella take your hair down when she was preparing our "wedding." L explained softly. "You looked so pleasing in that moment, I wished for the power to bring it to fruition again."

I flushed more. "Well, with how often these ribbons slip out of my hair, you could have seen it multiple times since then."

"Yes, but I wanted to do it. I wanted to be so close to be able to touch you, to have permission to be that near." He murmured in my ear. I sighed contented, as his long fingers settled on my waist and gently massaged the skin he found there beneath my shirt. I had never changed for bed after the horrid row and had fallen asleep with the clothes I had worn that day, now wrinkled and somewhat tearstained. Not the most romantic get up by half. I finally peered back into his eyes, my heart incredibly full.

"There was a time, before we ever really talked, we were still teenagers…when I saw you sitting outside by the tennis court. It had started to rain, and still there you sat. You seemed so alone."

L waited for more, his expression warm.

"We didn't care for each other, and I was so confused by the desire I had to go join you out there and wrap my arms around you. You likely were perfectly fine sitting out there, obviously you could move and come indoors at any time, but I still felt this compelling need to be near you in some way. I never understood it until recently. L…I think I loved you even then."

His eyes grew very black. "Better late than never, I suppose."

"Quite." I breathed and drew him closer for another kiss, one that grew more fervent by the moment. His fingertips still grazed my skin as we continued and started to creep up my back. I made a soft sigh of pleasure and he broke the kiss, his eyes beseeching me for permission. I nodded quickly, and L smiled, carefully raising my shirt up over my head and letting it fall to the floor.

" _G…_ " He whispered in reverence as he pulled me to him and began to leave soft, warm caresses on my neck. I whimpered in response as my own hands gravitated down his sides. The skin to skin contact was indescribable and I desired more. I reached behind me, the inhibitions fading, and unhooked my bra, also letting it drop to my feet. L instantly pressed me tighter against him as his hands roamed my hair, my back, my waist. I had wished to be like this with him for so long, and I relished every moment.

"Gods, you are perfect…" he whispered in between kisses as he released me from my skirt.

My hands moved to the top of his jeans then and fiddled with the button, then the zipper. He made quick work of my efforts by pulling them down and giving them a decided kick off his foot. We were only barely clothed now, and this was much further than we had ever gone before.

L blushed for a moment and then approached me again. "Might I-er is it all right if I—"

"Touch me?" I answered breathlessly, and he slowly nodded his eyes lowering below my neck as I stood before him. I reached for his hand and placed it above my chest, giving it a gentle squeeze of assurance. I wanted him to touch me, to see me as he never had, as no one ever had.

His fingers quickly moved to the top of my right breast and I gasped as his next kiss was so powerful I could barely stand. His tongue searched for mine and when it was found, he wouldn't release it from its touch. The sensations were making me weaken by the second.

Our touches and affection intensified as we backed up towards the bed and fell together onto it.

Neither of us could possibly know what we were doing, so technique and mastery weren't the objective. I gazed up at him as he appeared stunned.

"L, what is it?"

He shook his head and swallowed hard, his black hair falling into his eyes. "You are so beautiful, I am quite unable to speak."

I tried not to laugh in my nervousness and instead smiled. "I feel the same way."

I watched a faint pink rise in his cheeks and he looked away from me. "You didn't need to say that."

Warmth flooding me, I reached up to touch his face and bring his deep, dark eyes back to mine. "Why not? It's true. I find you beautiful."

His smile returned. "There's that sincerity again. I never expected you to think that way, but it does please me." He brought his face close to mine again, his eyes wearing a childlike expectance. "Did you truly say that you will marry me?"

"Well, L it was about ten minutes ago. Please tell me your memory is not that faulty." I teased as he pressed his lips against my collarbone.

"Cassandra Grace, there's no need to be facetious…" he murmured as I ran my hands down his back. "I simply wanted to be reminded that it truly happened."

"It did." I whispered. "You asked me to marry you. Truly, this time. On bended knee and all."

His grin was hard to resist. "Bended knee is a requisite eh? So, if I had knelt that day when Jude arrived, it would have made the proposal authentic?"

I blushed as his lips left my damp neck and settled on my stomach. "L, nothing about that would have made it authentic. There were weeks following that I imagined it had been part of a long con."

He chuckled then, making my skin ticklish. "I suppose I was being rather hasty. I needed you to see me as someone you cared to be around first before suggesting you become my wife."

I ran my hand through his hair and he gazed back up at me. "It didn't take much longer after that for me to want you around. To miss you dreadfully when you'd leave, to imagine…this."

"This?" He repeated huskily as his wandering mouth fell onto my chest. Good lord, the feeling was almost sinful, and I couldn't hold back a soft moan.

He glanced up at me in astonishment. "Do you like that, G?"

Erm, of course I did! Blushing, I nodded, and his tasting became more fervent as he explored every inch of my breasts with his mouth and his tongue. A full-bodied moan escaped from my lips making him abruptly stop.

"Good lord...I didn't mean to...God, if anyone heard..." I fretted. L kept an entranced gaze on me as he left my chest and returned to my lips.

"I don't give a damn if they did. I simply hope that I can cause that sound again..."

I stared up at him breathless. "I'm certain you can."

"It will be much fun to try." He remarked, then came closer for another lingering kiss, as his hands began their course across my body. I didn't know how my heart was going to take this. L and I sharing a bed, his half naked body on top of mine, calling me his dearest and his love...the dream had never come close to how it would actually feel.

The locking of our lips grew stronger and I dug my fingers into his hair trying to bring him even closer to me. It was then that he produced the same moan I had been embarrassed over. His noise was far more exhilarating. I felt my skin tingle at the guttural sound, then giggled when he broke the kiss mortified.

"Oh...my apologies Grace...I have no idea where that came from. What you must think..."

I smiled. "What happened to not giving a damn and reckless abandon? As to what I must think..." Softly, I began nibbling on his neck. The moan returned fully unguarded, just as I had expected. "I've never found you more desirable than right this moment."

His returning smile was shaky. "And you are a vision, an extraordinary, heart aching miracle and I am terrified that I am going to wake up from this bliss, this perfect moment in time, and, I'll never have this overwhelming euphoria again." He pressed his forehead to mine. "You don't know in how many hotel rooms I've had this same dream. You lying in my arms telling me you love me, me ready to give myself completely to you, and the phone rings, or daylight breaks." He frowned with a deep sadness at the memory. "And you're gone...and you were never there to begin with and were never going to be..." He drew in a shattered breath. "Gracie, please tell me that you are really here, that you are not planning to vanish just when I need you the most."

Wordless from his deep fears, I removed my hands from around his neck and placed them over top of his. Carefully I guided his hands down my waist and over my hips to the tops of my underwear. Locking eyes with him, I assisted him in slowly sliding them off of me and letting them fall to the floor. "L, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you. Nowhere that you aren't with me."

His eyes were wide with disbelief. "Good Lord..."

I pulled him closer again, pressing my body against his, barely able to control the pleasure I felt below my belly.

The hardness in his boxers couldn't be ignored, and he blushed, running a hand up my leg. "This is truly nerve-wracking," he confided after a lengthy kiss. "I mean, I have desired this moment for years and years, possibly forever, but I never realized until I fell in love with you how much I had wanted you before. I don't know how I held myself back for so long..."

"By torturing poor Jude." I teased watching him pull a face. "But you don't need to hold yourself back anymore. I want to be with you, L, here, tonight."

He looked terrified. "You truly want me to make love to you, Grace?"

"I do. I think we've waited long enough, but if you aren't ready to, L. I understand." I reached up to stroke his dear face.

He closed his eyes for a moment as he reveled in the touch, but then caught my hand and brought it to his chest, on top of the G tattoo he had revealed. "It's all that I want." He answered simply. "If you are ready, I am. I love you, Grace Deacon. Endlessly."

"Well then," I smiled. "I suppose we continue." I tenderly brushed his skin with my fingertips. "I love you, L. We have all night, remember?"

The nerves gave way to a sweet smile. "Yes, I remember."

Before we kissed again, he stopped himself with a thought.

"Do we require prophylactics? I do have some in my quarters. Fritz thought that was an ideal birthday gift for me this year. A bit disturbing one from my closest approximation of a younger brother, but to be fair, he has had me beat for some time now."

I laughed. "He did not! It's not necessary if you don't deem it so. Er, I take a contraceptive, I have for some time now."

"Ah, I see." L appeared relieved that he didn't have to traipse across the hall in his current state.

Rather shakily, he removed his underwear then and I blushed again about what was about to happen. Not that I regretted it with any part of me. I loved him. I was helplessly, madly in depthless love with the shy, brave, beautiful twenty-four-year-old man returning to hold himself above me once more. As our eyes locked, I took a deep breath.

He took that as fear. "Gracie, please tell me to stop if you are frightened. I completely understand."

I shook my head smiling. 'No, I'm not that scared to deny myself this moment, but it's all right if you are."

"No," his voice came out rough. "I agree, I want this, even if I am a bit terrified."

I brought him close for another kiss. "Let's admit it, Louie. We are both scared out of our bleeding wits, but I think something would be wrong if we weren't!"

He relaxed a little with a half chuckle. "Very well then." He made an intake of breath and gazed into my eyes, waiting for acceptance. "Are you ready, Gracie?"

My heart pounded in my chest. I nodded, bracing myself for what was to come. "Yes, L. I'm ready."

His eyes softened more as he stroked my cheek. "G, I have reason to believe this could be painful. I don't want to hurt you, that's the last thing I want."

"I know." I encouraged him, placing my arm around his perspiring neck and closing my eyes. "But I need you L, more than anything ever before. Please don't worry."

I heard him sigh unsteadily as he moved into position and I felt pressure build between my legs. "All right, my sweet dearest, I promise to be more than careful."

I smiled as he moved forward, and the pain pierced my concentration. It was awful, just to the edge of unbearable for several moments, but what it meant was so profound, so sacred, I was in awe of it.

I opened my eyes to see L's closed, bliss overtaking his features. "Oh Grace," he muttered, his eyes fluttering open to take me in. "I love you so incredibly much."

"I love you more." I whispered as I pushed the pain out of my mind and moved against him. I could feel him jolt in his skin.

"Oh Gods…" He came forward helplessly and kissed me quite sloppily. "The way it feels, to be part of you…"

"I know." I murmured holding onto him tighter. "Don't stop."

L smiled sheepishly. "There's a 0% chance of that happening… you are far too beautiful, your fiery hair, your eyes, your soft skin. You're a goddess. Mine alone."

"A bit much, L."

"It's all true." L protested with feeling as our bodies quickly found a rhythm.

"Mmm…well the being yours part I'll agree with."

His grin grew wide. "Why did I not tell you how deeply I had fallen for you years ago? I fear that I wasted so much time."

"Hush." I soothed, taking his face in in my hands. "At least you finally did. And years ago, I would have been shell shocked. I still am when I look at this." I glanced down at the letter G rising and falling on his taut chest as he moved with me. "How long you kept this hidden, all of the possible near misses…Oh my God!"

Startled, he stopped. "What is it, Grace?"

I couldn't control the giggles, remembering the night at  _Carabelli's_ and L's fear of being stripped by Fritz in the restaurant lobby _._  "It must have taken a great deal of subterfuge, otherwise I suppose we all would have seen your secret!"

He chuckled with me and kissed me with renewed strength. "What secret? The only one who didn't know was you, dearest."

We indulged in another lengthy kiss when L backed away with a look of fear.

"What is it?" I asked as he closed his eyes and concentrated on slowing his movements.

"I-I fear I cannot hold on for much longer, G." He confessed panting slightly, and I smiled, stroking his cheek.

"Is that all? Then let go, love. Let go."

A smile broke through the concerned expression and he quickened his pace, his breathing growing labored as I ran my hands down his back streaked with sweat. The discomfort of before had dissipated and I enjoyed how matching his rhythm increased my own pleasure.

Then, his entire body stiffened, and his dark eyes widened. "Oh Gods, Grace, Grace, I-I-"

I watched his face transform into complete abandon as he moaned loudly and released, finally collapsing on top of me, utterly weakened.

"I love you too." I whispered, kissing the top of his head.

"Mon Dieu, Marry me, Grace. Marry me." He lifted his head to gaze at me in adoration and disbelief.

I laughed. "I already am, sweetheart."

"Oh yes, so you are. Forgive me. I was just so overwhelmed by emotion that I spoke how I felt. You must think me quite the fool."

"I think nothing of the sort!"

Carefully, L parted from me and then folded me into his arms. "That was wondrous, unbelievable, remarkable…"

"Well I do hope there's more of it. The night is young, you know." I joked playfully and nearly felt my heart stop as he dove forward to kiss me again.

"How do you feel? I pray I didn't hurt you, my love."

"I wouldn't trade our first time for the world, L."

"Neither I. It was leaps and bounds over my imaginings."

"You are the only man I've ever imagined." I confessed. "Before, my thoughts never went that deeply, but I would fantasize about you making love to me. What it would be like, how it would feel. Even when we were only friends, I suspect I had some ulterior motives."

He grinned. "Did you? That thrills me to be honest. If I am truthful, I would think about it quite often."

"Now that doesn't surprise me!" I teased and caressed his chest with my fingertips. "Typical male."

He watched how the diamond ring on my hand sparkled in the light of the lamp as I did so. He leaned over and tipped my chin up to meet his blissful expression. "Not typical. I'm hardly typical, don't you agree? It's you, Grace. It's only because of you. I have never been stirred in such a manner as I was when I thought of you. It would ache inside, the longing, the wanting, the hoping. So many sleepless nights. It would never stop."

"Will it stop now?" I whispered, still feeling a sense of regret for all of the time we had spent apart.

His return look was grave. "I believe I may get an evening's reprieve, but I'll never stop wanting you, Cassandra Grace. This is a lifetime affliction."

I was caught off guard by his words and instead rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes, somewhat overcome by the power of the moment. I heard him reach over and turn off the lamp, then he returned to embrace me tightly. My skin against his skin. Our bodies entwined together never wishing to let go.

"Now do try to get some sleep. That's an order not a request, Detective."

I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Yes my Grace."

"I do like the way that sounds …"

"I told you times change …"

* * *

L POV

_Words. What use were words? I was bereft of any way to articulate what had happened between us in the last few hours. Bereft of reason, of logic, of thought. I was a profoundly different man than I had been even earlier in the evening. I had truly never felt so at peace before than how it felt in the moments after we had finally given ourselves to each other. She had my whole heart, my mind, my soul and my body. I would never be alone again knowing she had claimed me as her own._

_I slipped out of bed, not to leave as I had cowardly attempted earlier but to reach the en-suite. I located my boxer shorts on the floor and slipped them back on. In the en-suite, I closed the door to only leave a crack open as I turned on the light. I splashed water onto my face and caught my reflection in the mirror above the sink. I was startled that I could hardly recognize myself. I never cared for what I looked like before, but now I was fascinated by the changes. I stood in Grace's_ _en-suite_ _, bathed in_ _a harsh_ _artificial light, wearing only my underwear while a few steps away my new fiancée slept contended, her delicate still nude form tangled in sheets on her bed after we had made love for the first time._

_Gods, how was this even possible?_

_My eyes were bright as I took in my body. That pesky foolish branding on my chest was no longer in hiding. Now I could wear it proudly, showing who I belonged to, who had my heart and always would. The woman I couldn't even call a friend for years had agreed to become my wife. Because she loved me. She loved me as I loved her, perhaps not as long as I had endured, but it was just as strong, just as passionate, just as resolute. She was mine._

_I was horrified when I realized the brightness of my eyes was due to tears brimming at the surface. Why on earth was I so overcome? This is all I ever wanted, all I ever could want. Instead of shedding tears, I should be grinning._ "What do you think of this, detective? You never deduced this would come to pass, did you then?" _I had hoped, I had fantasized, even in low moments I had prayed to whatever possible higher power wished to listen that she would see me. That she would want to know me._

_The tears flooded their barrier and I watched them run in rivulets down my cheeks. I couldn't stop the onslaught. I drew a shaky breath and bent over the sink allowing them to come, hoping it would pass quickly. I was exhausted from the work, anxious about the future and elated all at the same time. My heart was so full, and my mind couldn't shut down recounting every moment we had_ _just shared together. I needed to capture it all in my_ _photographic_ _memory, I could never forget a single touch, word, feeling that had occurred. It all needed to be preserved forever. Especially when I truly would have to part from her to go to Japan._

_I was mortified as I produced a low sob then. My shoulders shaking, I gripped the sink and glared at myself in the mirror. "There is no time for this. This is bloody ridiculous. Calm yourself!"_

_Several moments later, the door opened fully, and Grace stood there, her scarlet dressing gown wrapped around her_ _._ _"Louie, for goodness sake, why on earth are you yelling? Doesn't Mello do that enough in the middle of the night?!" She hesitated then as she took me in with concerned disbelief. "You're crying. Whatever is the matter_ _?"_

_Ashamed, I quickly wiped my eyes with my wrist. "I didn't want to disturb your sleep, dearest. My apologies."_

" _I don't care about_ _ **that**_ _." She dismissed as she joined me in the en-suite. "Can I help? Why these tears?"_

_I sighed and sat down_ _on_ _the toilet seat defeated. "I do wish I knew myself. It's very uncharacteristic of me to be sure. I hope that's the last of it_ _."_

_Her eyes were full of affection as she sat on my lap then and rustled my hair. "I never have seen you cry. It's like I had never remembered you laughing. Of course, you were always capable of it, but it didn't seem possible."_

" _I feel so weak." I admitted, wrapping my arms around her waist. "To be so overwhelmed by this. To be so overcome by the mere thought of you tonight and all that has occurred."_

_She listened silently as I continued. "I never ever thought any of this could truly happen. That it was my cross to bear and that I was pleased that I loved someone in this life even if I wasn't meant to be loved in return. With the work, it always made it easy not to care about wanting that. That my role wasn't meant for such things and as long as you were safe that was the closest I could ever show you how much I felt. Even if you hated me for it."_

_She smiled then. "I understand that now, L. All is forgiven."_

_I kissed her hair and smiled to myself. "But this, it's all so powerful and heady to the senses. I always thought we would be apart, that I would love you from afar until the day I died. That you would know after that. But as I said, it's as if I was dreaming in black and white and the reality was in the full relief of color. It's almost too much to take."_

_Grace's face stared to fall as I finished. "You weren't going to let me know until you died?! L… I can't believe you would do that…"_

_I froze, realizing that I had admitted something that truly I had wished to never divulge. Watari had assured me that he would never disclose this to her now that I had confessed my feelings. Her dear face was becoming more distraught. "How would you have told me? You would be gone… that's simply not right. It's incredibly cruel to do that to someone."_

_My answer was pressured. "I hoped that you would learn to think of me kindly after you knew. That your memory of me would be altered once you were aware of my feelings. That you wouldn't despise me any longer. That you would somewhat understand my behaviors then."_

_She closed her eyes to collect herself. "But how? How would I have learnt? From Wammy? Would he have had to take on that purpose for you?"_

" _No… that wouldn't have been right. I-I- wrote you letters. They were kept for you to read once I died. Even if it was years and years from now, I wrote more, adding to the pile. It wasn't until Watari confronted me about them that I ever felt brave enough to try. That's why I tried for you, Grace. Because my coconspirator knew me better than myself and knew it was wrong. That I needed to put myself out there for your scrutiny and to see if I could move your heart. I needed to show you who I really was and let you close. To no longer feel like a stranger and to become your friend. That's all I ever expected to achieve."_

" _You foolish, foolish man." Her voice was full of pain. "Martyrs have positively nothing on you." She opened her eyes now brimming with tears to match mine. "Dare I ask how long you did this?"_

" _Years." I murmured. "I didn't share it with Watari until he learned my secret. Which he discovered when I did this." I looked down at my tattoo. "And thought there was reason to be concerned about my mental state. And that he worried what would happen if my feelings changed. Which showed me he didn't know me as well as I had believed he did. Because Cassandra Grace Deacon, my feelings never have and never will change. I have grown more in love with you every day. All of you. All of your quirks and stubbornness, your easily piqued anger and your depthless compassion. Your brilliance and your kindness. Your beauty and your strength. There is nothing that I do not adore about you. And I can scarcely believe that I can tell you this and that you wish to hear it."_

_Grace slowly stood up and captured me with her intense gaze. "L, I-I need you to come back to bed with me."_

_My heart stopped in my chest and I stood up as well. Would I ever get used to hearing things like this from the woman I loved? I dreadfully hoped not. "G…"_

_She came close and stroked my chest. "As I can see it, we are dreadfully off balance. I owe you years of affection and I plan to tip the scales in my favor."_

_I lifted up her chin to kiss her and felt my heart become flooded with feeling. She ended the kiss_ _softly_ _and led me by the hands out of the en-suite and into the bedroom. I watched as she slowly_ _unbelted_ _her dressing gown_ _and let it_ _fall from her shoulders and stood before me, with her bare form expectant and stunning, her violet eyes drawing me in as they always did_ _._ _The moonlight was coming through the windows and_ _alighted_ _upon her skin making her almost become luminescent_ _, like an alabaster sculpture._ _She was bloody perfect. I felt my body reacting strongly to her presence and pulled her towards me, kissing every inch I could possibly find as she whimpered in response._

" _Oh L… I'm meant to be the one giving you affection with interest, remember?"_

" _Yes, I remember…" I whispered as I knelt before her and_ _made it my mission_ _to discover a multitude of different ways to give this amazing woman pleasure. "But as you know my love, I rarely if ever play by the rules."_

* * *

_I awoke to the sound of a door opening and felt immediately on guard. Who on earth would have the gall to enter my quarters when I'm actually sleeping? My eyes opened, and I was face to face with the little jeweled panda bear I had brought back from my time in Beijing. It was sitting in pride of place on the nightstand next to a small bouquet of flowers and I realized where I was. Then I heard a voice._

" _Gracie, did you sleep okay? I could hear you tossing and turning all night from my room."_

_It was Anne. I blushed to myself when I realized Grace had slept well. Once she actually_ _**had** _ _slept that is._

_I turned to see Grace at her door, keeping it open just a crack as she pulled together the front of her dressing gown. "Oh no don't worry. I must have had a nightmare. I don't recall its content. Anyway, er I might go back to bed for a bit."_

_To be safe, I covered my head with the duvet in case I was spotted. I smirked to myself, feeling like an errant child doing such a thing._

" _Gracie, wait just a second." I heard Anne interrupt before Grace closed the door. "With L… I-I hope he made it up to you after that row last night."_

" _I can assure you he did. Exceedingly. As I was saying …"_

" _Well good! I'm glad. Or else he'd have me to answer to."_

" _And me…so I'll see you later, all right?"_

" _All right, I'll interrogate you more_ _later_ _then." She was silent for a moment and I remained with my head under the cover until I knew for_ _certain that_ _she had left. "Um what is_ _ **that**_ _?"_

_Blast! What had she found? I felt a chill come over me when I realized I had never put my boxer shorts back on after we had returned to bed. There had been no need. I dearly hoped she hadn't seen them strewn on the floor. I could never look her in the eye again._

" _What is what?" Grace asked with a sense of nervousness._

" _What's on your hand! Oh my_ _God_ _, he did it! HE FINALLY DID IT!"_

_The volume of her reaction shook me so much I started and tumbled out of the bed with a loud thump._

" _ **What was that**_ _?!"_

" _Er—- nothing! Nothing at all. Old floor boards you know …"_

_Too late. As I gathered sheets around myself I peered over the mattress to see two women I knew quite well staring at me in disbelief. Grace flushed with embarrassment and Anne who started to grin. "L you dark horse! I can't believe it! Well done you!"_

_I raised myself to a standing position and bunched the sheets around my waist. "Er, good morning to you too, Anne."_

_Anne's face had now fallen to shock and I was quick to understand why. My chest was uncovered, and the tattoo was fully visible. Grace noticed as quickly as I did._

" _Anne, we will talk later. Later I promise you…"_

_Anne, whose eyes were still large, raised her arm to point in my direction and nodded vigorously as Grace finally shut and relocked the door. She turned to face me, still reddened but now annoyed. "Louie! I was trying to cover for us! And you have to make so much bloody noise that it felt like the floor was caving in!"_

" _I suppose I'm not the master of stealth disguise you believe me to be, after all."_

" _Hardly!" She sniffed and joined me by the bed. After a moment, she started to giggle uncontrollably, and I was lost at the reason for her diversion to sudden humor._

" _Mightn't I be let in on the joke?" I asked as she fell into my arms, still shaking with laughter._

" _I-I think it's quite safe to say that Anne will reconsider any early morning visits to my quarters in the future!"_

_I chuckled in return. "Yes, I think I've likely scarred her for life with my presence."_

_Grace's giggles ended, and she raised her head to smile at me. "Well, I think she and everyone will need to become accustomed to it, because I'm not allowing another night for us to be apart ever again."_

_All I could do was kiss her then, wanting this belief to be true for as long as it could be so._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Anne has some hot tea about L and G!
> 
> Songs:
> 
> This Never Happened to Me Before – Paul McCartney & All This and Heaven Too – Florence + The Machine


	56. Tomorrow

**Chapter 56 - Tomorrow**

The fortnight before L and Wammy's departure appeared and vanished in the blink of eye, although we tried to hold on to each moment with a steadfast grip, they simply slipped through our fingers. Our days were spent together for the most part and the evenings as well. There was many a time when I would insist on helping with his work down in headquarters in the late hours only to fall into a deep sleep in the big red armchair minutes later. To his credit, L didn't tease me about it too much.

He chose not to hide himself away from the world anymore either. In fact, L made a conscious effort to speak to every child and household member whenever possible and relegated the Kira investigation to the off hours. It wasn't spoken, but we were both aware that we were living on borrowed time. It was a fact that we found best vehemently denied.

"So, when do you wish to be married?" he asked nonchalantly that morning as it neared dawn after another sleepless night in his quarters. "This afternoon?"

I felt my jaw drop and sat up on one elbow. "Erm, it's not really something that will happen like that, L. We've only been engaged for thirteen days."

He seemed mildly surprised. "Oh, is it customary to wait longer to enter the institute of marriage?"

"Yes, years sometimes." I kept my tone patient. "It's a big commitment."

L frowned. "I've waited years already, I do not wish to wait another more."

"I'm not saying that we have to, but Lord, give a girl some time to prepare. I think that might be why it takes years for some people. All the planning that is needed. And I haven't a dress or anything!"

He lifted a finger to tenderly brush a lock of hair off of my back and I felt a lovely chill run through me. "Wear the violet one, I thought you looked very pleasing in that."

"My ballgown?" He couldn't be serious. "Oh no, dear man, that isn't how this works."

"I suppose I have much to learn." He replied with a solemn tone. "Perhaps a better choice would be the red dress you wore when you first, erm, were affectionate, in the hall, in front of Hargrove. I can wear what I wore then as well."

"So, you'd wear the same thing as you always do, eh?" I gave him a playful swipe. "Weddings are supposed to be special occasions. You might put in a bit of effort."

"You don't mean that I must wear a tie." He appeared horrified at the thought.

"Did I say that? No, these are needless worries and why should we marry in haste? There is time for everything."

L tried is best to carry on the ruse, but his eyes betrayed him with a flash of regret. "Er, yes, what was I thinking? Of course, there is."

We fell into silence, our thoughts not things we'd wish to express out loud where the other could hear. Both of us were aware that Wammy and he were finally leaving for Japan that night. When they arrived, L would make his involvement in the Kira investigation public to the world. I found it endearing that he wished to marry before he left, but also couldn't agree to it. The idea was simply mad, as was his inclination to leave me behind in Winchester to worry myself to death, but that topic had been rather exhausted at that point.

The room brightened gradually and I cuddled closer to him in the bed, letting out a deep sigh. "Let's not do a bloody thing today." I mumbled as I ran my fingers across the tattoo on his chest. My letter, I was still in awe over it. "I'd rather stay right here. No teaching, no working, no shopping…I believe we are far too hard-working to not be allowed a day off…"

"Grace…" his tone was admonishing but amused. "You said this yesterday, and the day before, and we always end up doing the exact opposite."

"That's another thing, I don't care for being so predictable..."

L chuckled low to himself and turned my face to his. "No one could ever say you are predictable, Grace Deacon. Have no fear of that."

I smiled in spite of myself. "Oh hush."

"However," he moved in one fluid motion until he was directly above me wearing a telltale smirk, "Several more hours of leisure might do us both an extraordinary bit of good."

"I may have hidden it before, Louie, but I truly do love the way you think."

"If…" he hesitated inches from my expectant mouth. "You promise to convince our dear Anne to cancel this party that she insists upon throwing me this evening."

Drat. I gave him a pointed look. "You are versed in all forms of torture aren't you?"

He nodded with a wicked smile.

Anne wouldn't be budged on the idea once it had come to her. "We always have celebrations when L comes home," she had explained excitedly. "But never one when he is leaving!"

I thought back on the times Coppersmith and I would crack open a bottle of bubbly in the kitchen to celebrate "The Misery's" leaving and smiled to myself. "Well,  **you**  didn't."

Despite L's protestations that it "wasn't necessary", Anne's little get together had morphed into a full out bash with the works. I had found her painting elaborate "Team L" signs with Ella and Kensey the night before and the party now had a theme.

"Candy of course! I've got everything he likes. Chocolate Hobnobs, pulled taffy, loads of sugar cubes… It will be a party he will never forget!"

Well that was for sure. L wished he could.

He smiled and leaned down closer, causing my heart rate to increase to something likely not healthy. "She always values your opinion, dearest. If you tell her that your intended would rather go to a football match with Caleb Templeton and Andrew Hargrove for his stag night, she'll believe you and stop this nonsense."

I rolled my eyes. "You greatly overestimate my gift of persuasion. Be thankful at least that she didn't invite Cay and the other lads. I talked her out of it."

"That is probably best. It would be hard to explain why we were having a pep rally for me going on a simple "dig"."

I chuckled. "Well your number one cheerleader will be here anyway. He's allowed to know why we're having it."

L groaned and collapsed on top of me. "Damn and blast. So he is."

"It's nice to have a fan, L."

He grunted in reply from my neck. "Discuss this with me when he is deifying  _you_ , G."

"I'll make a deal." I smiled stroking his wild hair. "Annie and I will keep Liam down to earth tonight to the best of our ability and you kindly go through with this party with much less whinging."

He raised his head quizzically. "This deal does not seem equal or remotely in my favor."

I winked and dropped my voice to a husky tone. "Well, I  _am_  willing to negotiate better terms…"

L raised his eyes to the heavens, then back to mine, with a naked desire stirring in them. "So disarming…" he murmured, closing the distance between us. "I haven't a chance against you, do I…"

He was right there, but not solely for the reason he believed. I let him think it anyway.

* * *

Later in the morning, after I was dressed and much more presentable, I made my way downstairs to assist in the preparations. I didn't know why I had believed that I could spend an entire day doing nothing, it just wasn't in my nature. I hated once more that L was right. It happened more and more recently.

The kitchen was a sight, as Mrs. Coppersmith held dominion over the rest of the staff who were sifting flour and rolling dough sweetened with all sorts of things on the countertops. Once she caught sight of me, I knew I was done for.

"Ah, look who it is." She gave me a haughty look. "Since all of this is for  _your_  fiancé, I do expect you to pitch in."

I sighed and pulled an apron off of the hook by the door and tied it around my waist. "That's precisely why I am here, ma'am. How may I help?"

She gestured toward Alice who was in the middle of icing a large chocolate cake. "Alice has told me of your propensity for baking, which you have kept from me. Since she praises your natural ability to follow a recipe, you can make the biscuits, and don't stop until I say so or we run out of flour, got me, girlie?"

"Absolutely, ma'am." I hid a smile as I went to report to Alice, who greeted me pleasantly and set me to work.

"The Copper's certainly in rare form today, isn't she?" I kept my voice low as I reached for the immense jar of flour and a wooden bowl.

Alice nodded with a cursory glance over her shoulder. "Something's definitely got her goat, luv. I darnen't try to get it out of her again, she nearly bit my head off the last time I tried."

"Well, that's the dragon for you." I teased and the two of us shared a private laugh that stopped abruptly when we fell under the eye of the seething woman in question. After that we went back to our respective projects, holding our tongues.

"Perhaps you should give it a go." Alice suggested finally as she brushed her hair out of her eyes. I couldn't tell if the flour was making it white or just the passage of time. "She usually listens to you, dear."

"Ah, that was when I was on her side." I shook my head as I gathered the rest of the ingredients for L and Liam's favorite toffee chip biscuits. "That all changed when L and I became friends."

She smiled up at me, her eyes crinkling with delight. "Well, for what's it worth, I'm very happy you did. But even I didn't expect the pair of you to fall in love!"

"Neither did I!" I gave her a wink. "Nobody with any sense would have bet on that if they planned to make any money on the wager."

"When I think of the pair of you as squabbling children…" she let out a gale of giggles. "It seems impossible that this is happening now!"

"You're preaching to the choir." I slipped my ring off and carefully strung it onto the necklace chain around my neck before it became coated with any ingredients. "Give it a little time, Miss Alice. I'll try to crack Mrs. Coppersmith. We'll all be the better for it."

Once my third batch was safely in the oven and the kitchen activity had calmed a great deal, I decided to make my approach to the scowling woman at the hob.

"Thank you so much for all of your work on this party, ma'am. Anne really appreciates it, as do I. We couldn't have done it without you."

She gave an indignant sniff and added broken slabs of dark chocolate to the pot she was simmering. The scent that arose from it was positively mouthwatering.

I made another effort with a bright smile. "L is going to eat like a king tonight. I know he is always grateful for how well you feed him."

"I don't care how he feels, lass." She snapped and breezed past me to snatch up the bowl of sugar from the kitchen island. "I didn't before and certainly don't now."

Well that hadn't worked. I turned to Alice and shrugged.

Mrs. Coppersmith turned her attention to my ally as well and sweetened her voice. "Ah, did you hear the good news? The young Lord Hargrove is to be wed after the New Year!"

"Oh, is he?" Alice feigned interest and went back to her first pan of cream puffs. "How nice."

"I saw that announcement too, ma'am." I spoke up, still trying to make a breakthrough. "In Wammy's office. I wish them happy. They will suit each other."

Now she blessed me with the attention of a fiery glare. "You wish them happy, do ya? The man who came here anytime he could to see you for three bloomin' years has moved onto another woman quick as you please and you are  _happy?"_

I blinked, surprised by the vitriol in her tone. "Well, of course. I didn't love him, why should it bother me? I'm thankful to be honest. You can only tell a person no so many times. Andrew still wasn't getting it and I don't care to continually play the villain."

"Grace Deacon, you truly are one of the daftest bodies I have ever come across." She pointed her dripping wooden spoon in my direction. "That should have been you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Ach, what I said! I still can't believe you'd marry that L when you had a real lord after ya." She sighed shaking her head. "It's not like that kind of offer is common, girlie. You could have been Lady Grace by now with servants and a wealthy husband with prestige. Both you and Annie are choosing poorly for mates, it's a pity. Such pretty, well mannered young ladies and you are throwing it all away for the Misery and she for a poor teacher!"

Angered, I changed tack. "Neither Anne nor myself think that we have chosen remotely poorly. I love L and she loves Liam, and they love  _us_. I was never going to marry for money or social status. This isn't bleeding 1815!"

"At least if you'd married the young lord, he wouldn't have such a dangerous job that takes him away so often." she retorted as she gave the pot a vigorous stir.

Frustrated, I threw my hands up in the air. "Andrew doesn't have a job at all, ma'am! To hear him tell it, no one in his line will ever have to lift a finger. Why would that be something I'd want to hear? I  _like_ being occupied, do you believe I would have been happier to give that all up just so I could sit pretty and make babies? I'd lose my bloody mind! Come now, Mrs. Coppersmith, do remember it  _is_ the twenty first century we're living in!"

"I don't care what time it is! That doesn't mean I didn't want the best for you girls!" She shot me a troubled look. "I was tryin' to save you some heartache. The young lord would have been the safer choice. He would have doted on ya and you'd finally have been free of that sadness that follows ya about. You would have had a chance to be  _happy_ and to rid yourself of these world-saving notions. No one can save the world, not you, not him, no one. It's up to God!"

I listened thoughtfully and softened my tone, surprised by the nurturing side coming out of her. It didn't happen often "Ma'am, I'm not a child any longer. I am free to make my own choices in this life, and I chose L. I swear to you that I don't regret it. I know we fought tooth and nail for years upon years, but things have changed. He is truly the only one I will ever want. And, and we shall protect each other, I promise you."

She wasn't appeased in the slightest. "You're making a mistake. You keep making the wrong choices when it comes to that boy. L will not be a decent husband, there's a reason he's always been alone! Think about that! He doesn't think of other people like a proper person should. Grace, mark my words, lass, you'll be a widow long before you're thirty if you insist on going through with this nonsense!"

"Stop this." I warned through clenched teeth. "You don't know him like I do. You don't know the love he's capable of because you don't care to try to seek it out. It's not worth your time. Well  _I_ made it worth mine!"

She slammed down her spoon and cut me dead with a stare. "I don't know what happened to ya. It's like all of the years of him being your enemy have been forgotten like they never existed. They did exist! All of us are witness to that, girl! The tears and the rows, you coming in here to be consoled when he said one thoughtless thing after another. And now you're going to MARRY him?" She whirled back to the stove and her chocolate pot. "I wash my hands of ya. You haven't a lick of sense. Get out of my kitchen."  
I stood in disbelief as the rest of the occupants of the kitchen stopped what they were doing instantly to witness the outburst. "Ma'am? I –

"YA HEARD ME! OUT!"

Almost in a dream, I slowly backed out of the kitchen feeling full of shame. Why had I thought I could get around her now? It was obvious where she stood. It made me sad all the same.

Once back in the corridor, I heard Anne calling to me from the dining hall. I trudged through the doors to take in how beautiful she had made the room already. Sparkling blue and silver streamers were hanging from every corner of the ceiling and her Team L signs were resting against a leg of the main table. At that moment she was trying to throw a silver tablecloth over the table but only making it half way before it folded in on itself. I came to her rescue and pulled it across the rest of the table and smoothed the wrinkles in the linen in a halfhearted manner, still feeling rather ill.

"Thanks! Are you okay, Gracie? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

I sighed and sat down at the table, my legs turning to water. "I was unceremoniously just kicked out of the kitchen."

"What? You can't be serious!"

There only had been three other people who had been banished from the kitchen by the Copper. L of course, Mello when he requested more chocolate cake at his own birthday celebration and Clark from the stables. I still don't know what he had done to deserve that but knowing her he could have merely looked at her funny and been exiled. "What happened?"

"I got on the Copper's bad side worse than usual. She thinks we're picking inadequate husbands and that I'm a fool for not marrying Andrew. I see things rather differently. If we want to talk inadequate, good lord, I could give her a list!"

Anne didn't rise to anger like I had expected her to. Instead she simply shrugged. "She's not a happy person, G. She was so disappointed when you kicked Andrew to the curb, I'd never seen her so morose. But believe me, she's the only one who was down about that."

"That's, that's not all. She thinks marrying  _L_  will make me unhappy. She-she said I'd be a widow long before I'm thirty." The words still pained me. I knew that a future with L was questionable due to our work but for it to be spelled out in black and white in such a way? I shivered remembering her harsh tone but couldn't find it in myself to rise to a temper and tear the dragon a strip like I knew I should. Instead, I felt paralyzed. "Do you think she's right, Annie?"

Anne's consoling expression vanished as a very unreadable one took its place. "Of course not, G. Excuse me for a sec. I'll be right back, promise."

She strode out of the room with a calculated purpose I could not determine. I stayed at the table wondering what the reason was for her sudden alteration in behavior. It was unlike her to dismiss my concerns so readily. Then I heard the cacophony in the kitchen.

"NOW YOU LISTEN COPPER, AND YOU LISTEN GOOD. IF YOU  _EVER_  SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN TO GRACE, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT MR. WAMMY AND MR. RUVIE SUSPEND YOU WITHOUT PAY FOR A MONTH!"

I gasped and looked up to see Mello pop his head into the dining room, his eyes wide. "Whoa, is that  _Anne?"_

I threw my hands up wordlessly. I had never heard her be so fierce. It was rather refreshing.

"AND ANOTHER THING! WE DON'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING HAPPENING TO L HERE. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT AND DON'T LET ME EVER HEAR YOU MAKING SUCH COMMENTS AGAIN. IF YOU LOVE ANDREW HARGROVE SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO GARDENLY HALL AND WORK FOR  _HIM_?"

Now Matt and Jude had joined Mello in the doorway wearing matching expressions. "Wow, I knew someone was going to do it, but I never thought Anne!" Jude remarked with a chuckle.

"Oh please let her quit…" Matt folded his hands and closed his eyes in fervent prayer. "Or get sacked, I'll take either, God…."

I regained my voice, trying to hide my amusement and failing. "Boys, honestly…"

Anne wasn't done. "…AND JUST BECAUSE LIAM ISN'T RICH DOESN'T MEAN THAT I WON'T BE HAPPY! THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN THAT! SOMETHING YOU FINALLY NEED TO FIGURE OUT!"

A minute later, Anne stormed back through the swinging kitchen doors and was greeted by raucous applause. Her face of thunder melted away into one of stunned realization and she stopped short to take some deep breaths, her hand over her heart. "Oh my God, did I really just say all that?"

"She's the dragon tamer!" Mello announced and the lads joined in. "All hail the dragon tamer!"

I went to hug her with a grin. "Well that will be marked down in the annals of Wammy's history. You're remarkable, Annie! Simply remarkable! You're truly a force to be reckoned with!"

"We gotta go spread the word." Matt excitedly pulled Mello toward the hallway. "Come on!"

"I really would love to know what Coppersmith is thinking after  _that."_ Jude smirked and left with them.

"It does seem that way anymore, doesn't it?" Anne still seemed a bit dazed and I guided her toward a chair. "I just don't like how she talks about L and how you're going to be alone. That's the last thing I want you to hear."

"Well, it appears she's lost respect for me, but I'm sure she's gained a great deal for you."

"Heh, I guess so, huh?" she glowed in her victory a moment more before she jumped up from the chair and went back to her tablecloths. "Anyway, don't listen to her. You know everyone is thrilled about you and L, and I-I know this separation is going to be hard, Gracie, but don't worry. Just because he is leaving doesn't mean that I'll be. We'll be doing so many fun things that you will forget to miss him until he's back again!"

The knot in my stomach tightened and I dropped my hands to my sides.  _She still didn't know._ I felt so guilty for waiting to tell her.

She stopped for a moment, tilting her head to the side as she studied me. "Hun? Is something else bothering you?"

I coughed and joined her at the next table to assist. "Oh, no, you are right, it is as you say, Annie."

She was next to me in an instant, the concern on her face making me feel like a dreadful traitor. "He will come back." Her voice softened but filled with resolve. "I don't doubt it for a second. I don't care what Mrs. Coppersmith says, she's wrong. And then we will have another wedding to plan and she'll have to prepare the cake grumbling the whole time."

I couldn't take it. I broke down then, slumping into the chair at the head of the table, covering my face as the sobs wracked my insides. The guilt was unbearable. Anne would feel so betrayed when she knew and she needed to know soon.

"GRACE?" she was alarmed and knelt in front of me as the tears continued. "Hey, hey, you have to BELIEVE he's coming back, you can't let doubt cloud your mind for a SECOND. Have you been hiding this from L? He has a right to know how you feel, Gracie. I know you don't like to burden him, but he should hear this. He hates to make you cry."

"I know." My answer came out meek and broken. "But I cannot tell him. Belief has nothing to do with it."

Anne sat back on her heels confused as I lowered my hands. "What do you mean?"

"He cannot know…" I sighed shakily, steeling up my courage and taking her hands in mine for support. "But it's you I will be saying goodbye to soon, not him."

Anne's trusting brown eyes widened as she realized the enormity of my words. "No." she finally whispered, distress taking over her features. "Your place is here, where you are safe, Grace. That's what he wants!"

"And what about what  _I_ want? Namely a future with him? Does that not matter?"

"Of course it does, but you can't go." Anne's voice had fallen to a tremble. "You shouldn't even think about it! Don't you know how dangerous this case is? You could die!"

"And so could L." I answered with passion rising in my tone. "If I am not there to intervene, and that is why I  _must_ go."

"But he doesn't want you to! You know that! He was completely against it. He raised hell about it before you got engaged, remember?

"Yes, so he did. But then he changed all manner of attitude and behavior about the case by asking for my assistance in all aspects of it. He sees me as a partner." I explained, desperate for her to understand. "I told you how he's not doing his best work alone. I know the ins and outs of the investigation. He  _depends_  on me."

"Yes while you're both still here he does, but not if you follow him there. He'll be livid!" She certainly wasn't wrong.

"He can't think that indulging me with sporadic work assignments is going to pacify me about my true wishes. This, this is what I'm born to do. Solve crimes, help people, and if my doing so protects those that I love then it is all the better. It not in vain, Anne. I mean to use the gift I was given. Otherwise, what's the use of it? What's the use of me?"

I could tell she was starting to relent, but she still wanted me to see sense. "I know you're not being selfish about your reasons, Grace, but it is still not a good idea, no matter how noble you make it seem. He'll never trust you again."

"What do I care if he trusts me? I still don't even know his true name. The truth is it doesn't matter. I don't need his approval. I know what I need to do and I plan to do it." I gave her a beseeching look. "Here, if Liam had to have an organ transplant or he was going to die, and you were the only one who was a good enough match to save him, would you do it? No matter how much he protested you compromising your health?"

Anne sighed in exasperation. "You know I would. I wouldn't think twice about it, G. He's going to be my husband!"

"Well L's going to be  _mine_ , as long he survives, mind you. You donating an organ to save Liam is precisely the same as me devoting my time and expertise to save L and Wammy, and believe me, Annie. I didn't think twice about it either."

Anne quieted for a moment, but then looked at me straight on. "He will go through the roof when he finds out you're there too. I don't think any argument the two of you have ever had could even come close to the one this will cause."

"Yes, he'll be extremely brassed off and threaten me with all sorts of things, I'm quite used to his black moods, but the anger will fade and he will inevitably be thankful I didn't follow orders in this case. He'll be grateful even."

Anne contemplated my words in silence. After a few moments, she spoke. "Well, you're definitely more optimistic than you used to be, G."

"I kind of have to be." I noted with a tired sigh. "It's better then thinking of how it will really be when he discovers I'm there."

"I won't deny that I expected you to try something like this. I've known you too long to not see it as a possibility. I really don't like it, but I know two heads are better than one, and when they are two minds like yours…"

"Can I trust that you will keep this private?" I asked then, knowing I already had the answer I sought.

Anne dropped her head and finally nodded. "You know you can. You're my sister. You've been there for me so many times, I have to help you. I want L and Wammy to come home too, you know."

I came forward to pull her into a tight embrace and she returned it fiercely.

"Just..just call me and email me as much as you can, Gracie! I mean it! If you think you've contacted me enough, contact me more! When are you going to go? Is anyone going with you?"

"I plan to go in a week." I explained with a whisper. "Wammy has prepared my location and will keep in touch with me about everything L's doing. I will be perfectly protected, but like I said, Annie, I can help him better by being there than by being here."

"I know. I just knew you hadn't given up so easily." She broke apart from me and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "You're too stubborn for an engagement to placate you."

I smiled. "You are perfectly right."

She sat quiet for a moment before she took in a deep breath. "There is something also I need to tell you. Lee…he wants me to move to London and the two of us to get a flat. We don't see each other nearly enough as we want to and he thought this would be a good solution. I haven't told you because, well, I was afraid too. I don't want it to seem like I'm abandoning you, Gracie. I wasn't going to go."

"I think you should." I told her, my voice steadying. "In fact I want you too. You should be with the one you love. I know I will be even if he doesn't want me to so why shouldn't you?"

She smiled then. "I guess when you put it like that it makes sense, huh?"

"Of course it does. You need to live your life for you and everyone will understand. Daisy and Nan will be thrilled I'm sure."

"Yeah, they're the best." She stood up off of the floor and wiped the dust off of her jeans. "I guess we always knew we'd have to grow up sometime. It just seemed like it wasn't going to happen yet."

"That's the trouble with time." I shrugged, feeling the heaviness in my chest lighten incredibly now that Anne knew my plans. "Come, let's finish this up and get ready to bloody enjoy ourselves."

Anne nodded. "You got it."

The party went just as planned and everyone was happily stuffing their mouths with treats and dancing to the stereo sound system some of the kids had set up. Even L had relaxed somewhat, although his guarded looks around the room were still quite wary as if he feared another unwanted surprise was right around the corner. Unfortunately, he was right.

Jinya was finishing singing a Spanglish version of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" into the microphone when Liam joined her, a beer in hand and zeal in his eyes.

"I've got next!" He announced as she bowed to Fritz and others' scattered applause and then he called for silence for the man of the hour, to L's dismay. The room quieted quicker than I would have expected. "All right, cheers. L, L I just want to say that we're all here tonight because we think you're brilliant, and if anyone can catch Kira, you can!"

A cheer went up in the room and L's grip tightened on my waist, his lips pressed together firmly with disapproval.

"That being said, mate, I think we should all get a sing-song going…who's with me?"

"Oh Gods..." L groaned under his breath. "Not more  _singing_."

"Remember, less whinging." I whispered and he frowned.

"I still think your methods of obtaining the truce were exceedingly unfair."

"Ha, I didn't hear a word of complaint before."

My fiancé turned pink and cleared his throat.

" _He's paid his dues -_  
Time after time -  
He's done his sentence  
But committed no crime  
And bad mistakes  
well, he's made a few  
he's had his share of sand kicked in his face -  
But he's come through!

L is the champion - my friends  
And he'll keep on fighting - till the end -  
L is the champion -  
L is the champion  
No time for losers  
'Cause he is the champion - of the world!

Mello had jumped up to join Liam at the microphone and L muttered an oath.

"I've got this one mate."  
" _He's taken his bows_  
And his curtain calls -  
We brought him fame and fortune and everything that goes with it

He thanks you all !

But it's been no bed of roses  
No pleasure cruise -  
L considers it a challenge before the whole human race -  
And he ain't gonna lose!"

The party goers whooped and sang along for the last chorus. Mello was swaying back and forth with his arm around Lee and his other fist in the air. I couldn't help but feel proud how everyone had rallied their support for L. He on the other hand…

 _"L is the champion - my friends_  
And he'll keep on fighting - till the end -  
L is the champion -  
L is the champion  
No time for losers  
'Cause he is the champion - of the world!"

Their performance ended to raucous applause and L had now graduated to being as red as a beet. "Erm…thank you." He mumbled then turned to me. "Pardon me Grace, I need to go speak with Anne before any more of these tributes continue."

"Be kind!" I laughed as I watched him cross the room to where she stood, keeping his head down as he passed by the newest members of Queen. Knowing Anne, she would win him over quick enough so I left him to it and went to the punch table to refill my cup.

Jude was sitting by the table slouched in his chair watching everything and everyone silently. Near was beside him with his arms defiantly crossed across his chest and wearing his usual scowl. Seeking such pleasant company I went to sit along the wall with them. "Having fun, boys?"

"Are these occasions going occur every time he leaves from now on?" Near inquired absently as someone else took over singing on the microphone.

I nodded. "Well, in some variety. They are too much fun to just do one time, aren't they?"

He huffed and stood up from his chair. "No, one time is more than satisfactory. Good evening, I have had my fill of this "fun." I'm off to perforate my eardrums."

Not phased, I smiled at him as he left us. "Night, Near." Jude just nodded as he went, still immersed deep in his own world. The silence was unlike him.

"Erm..Not to pry, but is everything all right, Jude?"

He shifted his gaze to me and scoffed. "You're not going to leave me alone if I say no, are you?"

"Well, no." He could have had me figured out without his ability to be honest.

"Fine. Let's get out of here. I need to talk to you anyway."

"Err, okay then." Quizzically I stood up and followed him out of the boisterous room into the main hall where he proceeded to sit down on the front steps and I stood a bit away, respecting the distance he usually craved.

"So tell me what's wrong. If it's about L leaving, you know I'm going to miss him too. We can certainly talk about it together. What is it?"

He turned to me and formed a sneer. "You're not planning to stay here either, are you?"

I blinked, retrieving my cover story from my scattered mind. "Well, I'm going to London with Anne soon to select her wedding gown, so I suppose you're right in that assumption."

"No you're not." Jude pulled himself up from the steps and gave me an accusing look as he stepped forward. "And he doesn't even know. He thinks he's completely won you over to his side of thinking. Well I gotta say, Grace, you sure played the part well, but you've only fooled the lot of  _them_. To me your whole ambition is clear. You're following them to Japan, you've already purchased a ticket under a false name. Wammy's in on the plan, only L is none the wiser." His voice softened, recalling a hard memory. "Anne cried when you explained it all to her, but she knows that you do what you do for love. She won't stop you. No one could stop you. But I could."

I had been somewhat prepared for this. Jude wasn't the sort to tell other people what another person's thoughts and intentions were anymore but obviously he wanted something in return for keeping silent. "Yes, yes, say it louder, why don't you? Name your price and be done with it. I must go so I urge you to dream big."

"Okay..." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and when his fierce green eyes met mine, I was amazed by their change from the frightened, defensive kid who had shown up with Wammy that stormy night. An assured young adult stared back at me. His thoughts were so evident that I could finally read  _his_ mind.

"Good lord," I drew in a shaky breath "You want to come as well." I hadn't expected  _that._

He was fourteen, no almost fifteen now, but still a boy, too young and too inexperienced to face the dangers of the world. I stopped myself in mid thought realizing who I sounded just like. I admired my fiancé but not in every single way possible.

He nodded. "My bag is packed. You can't deny that I will be good to have around, G. I can finally help you and I don't give a damn what L says. He  _needs_  our help."

I felt myself nodding in return. "You are right. You shouldn't swear so much, but you're right. But you are aware where I am going, yes? To stop Kira? Last time a report was on telly, you and Matt were basically the Wammy branch of his fan club. I can't have that sort of mindset with me. A good detective wouldn't be rooting for the enemy in the midst of others fighting him and I won't allow it."

He stuck out his chin and pushed his blue hair out of his eyes. "Any enemy of the pair of you is one of mine." He announced firmly. "Matt feels the same now. What Kira did to your dad wasn't on and I can't forget how you stuck up for me at the abbey. You and L. I've wanted to do something for you guys since then. You made me feel like I had a family and I never thought I would."

"None of us did." I noted softly, trying to maintain my composure. "But we don't need a debt repaid. We didn't help you as a favor. We defended you from that awful abbot because we wanted to. And it felt bloody good to tell you the truth. I'd gladly do it again."

He wasn't about to listen. "Look, I'll hide in the shadows listening to people's thoughts for clues. L can't say no if we're getting real evidence. He'd be mad to!"

"Well he still might." I allowed. "No matter how much sense cooperating with us makes."

"He's just stubborn." Jude explained with a gusty sigh. "He's used to taking everything on himself. He doesn't know how to accept help."

"I know. He has gotten better, however."

"Yeah I know, sort of. So Grace, what's it going to be?"

I had come too far to let it all fall apart now. I knew what I must do. "Well if I say no, you will go ruin my careful plans with a word to L. So I suppose I'll say yes so everything stays on schedule." I smiled a little then as I placed a hand on his shoulder. "And because your gift will be a tremendous asset, Jude. I'd be a fool to dismiss it."

An unguarded grin spilled across his face. "Really? I can come? Oh brill, look G, I won't let you down. I swear I'll do everything I can…"

"All right, but the minute you don't listen to me, or put yourself in real danger, you are on the first plane back home. Got it?"

He nodded and came forward utterly shocking me by grabbing me into a slightly clumsy hug. I realized he hadn't really been accustomed on how to execute the gesture, much like L at the start of the summer. I quickly overcame my surprise and hugged him in return.

"Thanks." His voice was gruff. "For not thinking I'm cursed. For thinking I could be somebody."

"You can be cursed and still live a good life. I'm a living testament to that."

The party was winding down and moving into other parts of the house as L finally agreed to a dance. "You cannot know how hard this is for me…" he confided in my ear as the dance continued. "This is the last night I will spend here, with you, in this house…we leave before midnight…"

"I can always come along." I teased and giggled a little at his expression. "Joke, Louie, joke."

He gave me a slow twirl under his arm to the beat of the music and gave me a wary look. "I know you wouldn't be so flippant if you knew how it made me feel."

I smiled back up at him, thankful once again that he didn't have Jude's ability. "I just don't see the point in being gloomy now at your party while we are still able to be together. There's time enough for that."

"I don't want to think of you gloomy, G." He frowned slightly.

"Oh but I always am when you leave, well for the last half of a year anyway. Don't worry, I won't drown in tears. I know what you must do, I understand."  _And I know what I must do, L._

He placed his forehead against mine. "I do not believe I would be as half as strong as you if you were the one departing. I couldn't bear the one night you ran off to London with Anne. I worried so."

"That's because we are two halves of one soul. When we are apart, we aren't complete inside. I missed you in London too, you know that. As much as I didn't want you coming and raising a big stink, I was happy when you did. It showed you cared." I couldn't deny I had an ulterior motive to my words, but from the look of pleasure in his eyes, I knew they hadn't hit their mark. Oh well, I did try.

"Yes, at that point all I wished for was you to realize how much I cared, and then we continued to botch it up over and over until it was finally right."

"It makes a good love story, though doesn't it?"

"Erm, yes it does, Grace." He appeared nervous and looked around him to see if anyone was looking. The room had emptied as the announcement of cake had pulled everyone into the music room where the desserts had been set out for anyone who was quick enough to get served. "Are you sure you don't want to marry me tonight?"

I sighed with a smile. "L, I already told you, there's so much to do for a wedding."

"It didn't seem so with the last one…we said some words and Jude married us easily. It took about five minutes."

"Jude isn't an ordained vicar if you've forgotten. The true ones tend to drone on for hours while your knees fall asleep in the pew. Believe me, we will have a lovely wedding…but not yet. I'm not marrying you until you hold up your promise from your first proposal."

L was quiet so I filled him in, feeling brave. "You said if I was your wife, I could go where you go. I'm holding you to it."

His face didn't take on the haughty one I expected. Instead he smiled as if he had a secret he was bursting to tell. It was profoundly odd.

"And what if I told you that you could? You would marry me then?"

My heart rose in my chest but I threw him a dark look. "That's not funny, L."  
"I'm simply offering possibilities of how things could be. You are even wearing your red dress as we had discussed."

"L, enough. I'm wearing this dress because I specifically do not expect to be married in it. Now stop with this talk. I can sense a dirty trick when I hear one. I need some air. Excuse me."

He blinked in surprise as I broke apart from him, my throat starting to close with a likely sob. He just didn't understand, he would never understand. This wasn't some joke to me, I planned to follow him. I would do it without his blessing without a second thought. Just teasing me about what I wanted was cruel and unfortunately he had always been good at that. I knew I needed to find Anne.

"Grace! Wait!" he called after me as I stormed from the room, and crossed the hall to the music room pushing the double doors open in front of me with force. "You must listen to me!"

"L, I told you, I'm getting some bloody air!" I shouted over my shoulder as I fell through the doors and stopped completely in my tracks at the sight before my eyes.

The music room was filled with the party's guests as expected but what wasn't was that they were seated in arranged rows of chairs in front of the windows. A white runner divided the seating and I noticed Omar and Ella poised by the piano eager expectation on their faces. They all turned in surprise to see my grand entrance and Anne gasped, a nosegay of roses falling from her hands as she stood by the doors. "Gracie!"

I took them all in dreadfully confused until a man a dark suit walked up to the piano, smiled and spoke. "Ah, this must be our blushing bride!"

Good Lord. If I was of a weaker sort, I would have fainted dead away in front of all of my friends and relations. Since I wasn't, I whirled around to see L standing in the doorway, his hands shoved in his pockets wearing a sheepish grin. "Is this to your liking, G?"

I was speechless, utterly speechless. What was I supposed to make of this? The man had complained about this party for days on end, and now it was like he had arranged the entire thing. Anne stepped forward to reach my shell shocked self and placed a hand on my shoulder with concern. "Sweetie, are you all right?"

Did this mean he  _wanted_  me to go to Japan? Did I not know him at all? I caught the eye of Jude grinning at me from the side of the er… registrar. L must have filled him in as well recently, when had all of this been decided?

I tried to make a sound, but still couldn't. Instead I made a sweeping gesture with my arms and stared at Anne in disbelief.

"He only told us an hour ago, what he was planning…" She whispered as we still had the full attention of the room. I noticed her though her smile was wide, her eyes were red and puffy. "And of course I sobbed, because he is so romantic I couldn't take it! He's learned so well!"

Still at sea, I turned to Wammy who was at my other side with a warm look in his eyes. "He does want you to come, my dear. At least to stay close but out of harm's way. We've had a great many discussions about it. Your assistance has been invaluable and he's decided to swallow his pride and agree. He adores you, my girl, I'm so thankful you finally see that."

"I can't believe Grace is getting to marry L and I'm here to see it!" I heard Liam say from his seat. "It's like I'm at a royal wedding!"

Chuckles rose from around the room. I saw Mrs. Coppersmith sitting with Alice give a shifty glance at Anne and then manage a smile in my direction. Dragon tamer indeed.

"I need to have a word…a quiet word, with L. Excuse me." I managed speech and passed back through the doors and closed them carefully behind me, then I stared up at him in disbelief. "Is this why you kept asking to get married today? You bloody  _meant it?_ "

"Yes, I want the paperwork to be correct. Watari had to procure a special license for us to marry here." He smiled. "And because I cannot wait a second more for you to be mine and mine alone."

"I already was." I mumbled as he folded me into his arms. "You truly want me to come with you?"

He sighed. "Ideally, no. I wish for you to be safer than that. But I can't think of myself alone. You have changed my views on that. You and Jude are needed on this case. I don't care if it's a cheap trick or not to have a telepath working alongside us, but it's not a game and I plan for us to live a long time so I will take any advantage I can."

"Are you planning on marrying Jude as well?"

"Cassandra Grace, don't be facetious."

"It's just such a change from your usual attitude I can't wrap my head around it. I mean I'm well aware of your impulsive nature but this takes it to a whole other level."

He stroked my hair and dipped his head down to my ear. "In any event, did I make you happy?"

I blushed and rested my hand on his chest. "Yes, yes you did."

"As this is the night for surprises, I have another for you."

"I'm not certain I can take another one."

L reached into his back pocket and pulled out an ancient piece of paper folded into thirds. "This."

He placed it in my hands and stepped back. I gave him a quizzical glance before I opened the paper yellowed with age that read. "St Christopher's Orphanage. Certificate of Adoption to Mr. Quillish Wammy of Winchester, aged 50 of Winston Evers, aged 5 years and L Lawliet aged 4 years."

I couldn't breathe as I realized the magnitude of what had happened.

"And now you know."

"Jude had said that Winston was found with you, that you asked Wammy to bring him here…"

"I did. He was my only friend. I couldn't leave him behind. Just as I cannot leave you."

"L Law Lee It?" I whispered in disbelief, a warmth of feeling rushing over me.

He smiled but shook his head. "Apparently it's Low-light. Of French extraction."

I bit back a grin. "You're French?"

"I'm assuming I'm all sorts of things." He rolled his eyes. "It matters not."

"I suppose you're right." I looked down at the paper again remembering when the two names listed had been little boys growing up beside me. The warmth began to build even more.

"I know I can trust you, I believe I have for a while, but this is important for you to know." He slipped his hand under my cheek and studied me with his dark eyes. "If the unthinkable happens and you are in terrible danger of being questioned about this information, I want you to give it before anyone attempts to harm you."

I dropped my eyes from his, the heat under my skin subsiding to a stark cold. "L, please."

"Grace, promise me."

I took in a deep breath and lied to his face. "Yes, yes I will."  _I would never vow to_ _ **obey**_ _anyway._

He apparently believed me as he released me and nodded. 'Good."

I watched him cross to the crackling fireplace and add the certificate to the flames. "After the vows are taken care of, Anne will assist you in packing for our journey. We will still try to depart on schedule."

"Oh," I giggled nervously. "Er that won't be necessary."

He turned back to me surprised and I sighed. "I've been packed for weeks. I was coming without your permission or not, though I am thankful you changed your mind on matters. It makes things a great deal more pleasant"

He simply shook his head. "Unbelievable."

"Not truly, it is me after all. I've never followed your orders."

"So it seems." L attempted to look stern. "When we are in Tokyo you will need to amend that policy."

"All right fine, I promise. Now, come on." I smiled a little and reached for his hand. He laced his fingers in my own and gave me a nervous smile in return. The electricity was present even then.

"Let's get on with it." I whispered as the doors opened to the music room and everyone stood.

"It's just a shame," Liam sighed as Anne sat down next to him as the celebratory drinking commenced and I still tried to realize that L and I were now married. Partners in every way possible. It truly defied belief. I glanced over at him being congratulated by Wammy and Roger and realized that not even an extraordinary life milestone such as a wedding could phase him. After all, we did have practice in that regard. I smiled to myself and took another sip from my champagne flute. Life was mad sometimes.

"What is, hun?" Anne inquired as Jude bounded up to us, uncharacteristically chuffed.

"I don't know. That L's work colleagues couldn't be here, like the Detective G and that sort. It would have been nice if he had made it."

I almost choked on my champagne.

Anne tried to compose herself but a grin spilled out anyway. "Oh Lee…"

Jude cleared his throat, not being able to stop smiling if he tried. "Uh, Liam, there's something you should know, the Detective G- "

"I'm sure he wishes he could attend…" I tried to cut him off sharply. "But he is very very busy…"

"Not too busy to come to her own wedding, though." L's eyes twinkled in merriment as he joined us and I wanted to wipe the smirk off of his lips.

Liam caught his meaning and gasped. "You, you mean…no, you can't mean, Gracie?"

My new husband was on the receiving end of a death stare and yet all he did was wink. Damn him.

The End


End file.
